Worry No More (Nessa)

[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

In preparation for Nessa's arrival, Xiulan had made sure to keep her schedule clear for a few days to give her some time to settle in after having spent the year at Beauxbatons. It was going to be an adjustment for Xiulan to have a teenager living with her, too, and she had tried as best she could to make sure that the arrangement would work for them both. Nessa wasn't her child, nor was she a "friend", exactly. There were going to be some rules that she would need to establish, but she wasn't there to be an authoritarian presence.

Mostly, those rules were just bits of information that Nessa would need to know, and that included being transparent with her about her "fits". Xiulan neither wanted nor needed to hand the girl a roll of parchment with the rules of the flat laid out on it as soon as she stepped inside. It was really more to make sure that Nessa wouldn't feel thrown too far out of her element. From living where she met with her clients to the likelihood that she would witness her convulsing at some point, Xiulan knew that she couldn't just let her figure everything out on her own.

She had ordered a bouquet of flowers, which she placed on the table at which she normally sat while conducting sessions with her clients, and she made sure that her guest bedroom and its adjoining bathroom were ready for Nessa. It wasn't often that she had anyone staying with her, but Xiulan wanted Nessa to feel that her flat was someplace safe, at least, even if it wasn't "home".

Having made sure that Nessa had a Portkey connection straight to her building after the Portkey that Beauxbatons arranged for her, Xiulan waited, knowing that Nessa probably was still expecting cameras from Witch TV to greet her first.

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[nessa abigael byrne]

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Everything since graduation had been so incredibly strange. Collecting her meager belongings from the orphanage and adding them to her shiny new things she’d gotten for Beauxbatons was weird. In the sense that it felt like she was getting booted out of the place she’d lived at for the past fifteen years. Technically that was exactly what was happening, now forced to strike out on her own and pave her own way. Except there was very little help from her former ‘guardians’ in that regard. They still only cared about the smaller children and making sure they adjusted well to everything that was going on. Giving her any sort of assistance at this point would be a real stretch, and she knew they didn’t really care. To be fair, she didn’t want anything from them either. The burning of Hogwarts had destroyed anything of sentimental value she had, including a photo of her mother, so moving on was easier once she had her meager belongings stuffed into her school suitcase. Her brand new Beauxbatons uniform that she had refused to wear the entire first term had been sold to a younger student - who she may have asked nicely to do so - but she decided to keep the books. It felt weird to get rid of absolutely everything school related, especially after all of her original things had been lost the year prior.

Even stranger was the fact that she had accepted the offer of a room from Xiulan. It beat bunking with Nate above the pizza place though. There was no way she’d ever be able to eat pizza again if she had to stay there for longer than a week. The smell had to permeate up through the floorboards. On the other hand, Nessa wasn’t sure what to expect when she took the series of portkeys from Beauxbatons to the building that Xiulan lived in. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t a building this swanky. Was that even the right word for it? Going from insanely sterile, crystal-like corridors to luxury like this was more of a shock to her system than she thought was possible. With her beat up suitcase and its wonky wheels, and her general attire, she absolutely didn’t belong here. But Merlin there was a lot to take in all at the same time, and she hadn’t even noticed if Xiulan was around yet.

xiulan zhou ● 401 ● A Light On In The Dark by Darlingside

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[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

Upon realizing that it would be easier for Nessa if she were to come and get her, Xiulan slipped on a jacket in which she could obscure her wand and left her flat, locking up after herself. She knew that she wouldn't be gone for but a few minutes at most, but she didn't want to leave anything to chance.

Outside, as she expected, was Nessa, standing there with a wheeled suitcase. She had arrived safely, which was a relief to see. It seemed as though something had gone wrong every couple of months at Hogwarts, especially towards the end of the year. At least Beauxbatons didn't seem to have repeated that same pattern. Xiulan was sure that Nessa would want to go inside and get situated, of course, but she didn't look as though she had had to escape from a burning castle, thankfully.

Xiulan approached Nessa quickly but calmly. There was no reason to be in a complete rush, though there was only so much that they could discuss outside in the Muggle world. "Nessa," Xiulan smiled once she neared her. "How was your journey?"

nessa abigael byrne

[nessa abigael byrne]

▲

Nessa could feel herself gawking as she stared up at the building that was in front of her. She decided then and there that the basement boiler room in this place would suffice if all else failed. It would still be nicer than the orphanage. There was no way that it wasn’t. She barely moved to the side for a person exiting, momentarily forgetting that she was in the middle of the pathway with her neck craned all the way back as if she was trying to catch rain drops. Of the few muggle movies she’d seen about orphans, this was literally beat for beat what happened in all of them, albeit she was a few years late. Obviously she was no little orphan Annie and Xiulan wasn’t a quadrillionaire or whatever like daddy Warbucks, but dang. Her brain completely short-circuited as she tried to figure out if this was really an okay place for her to live for an extended period of time.

It took longer than she realized to process that her name had been called and Xiulan was approaching her. Nessa blinked a few times at the woman before looking back up at the building. “You live here?” she asked, knowing what the answer was already. The confirmation would only solidify that this was all real. In a world of magic and unbelievable creatures, wealth had somehow become the most unbelievable thing to her. “It was quick,” Nessa answered after another longing look up. “They wanted to get us out of the dorms because someone let a cage of Doxies loose.” She wished it had been her, but the graduation ceremony had taken up all of her time. “Are you sure that it’s okay that I stay here? Because I can just go stay with my friend. He won’t mind at all…”

xiulan zhou ● 305 ● Merry-Go-Round of Doubts by Alizbar

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

Xiulan had wanted to make sure that Nessa wouldn't be overwhelmed, but she knew that she was already too late for that when Nessa expressed her astonishment at where she lived. She gave a slight nod at Nessa's disbelief, knowing that where she resided wasn't the norm in the Muggle world, either.

Nessa's trip back from Beauxbatons had been quick, she added, because someone had let a cage of Doxys loose. That was certainly an unenjoyable send-off, but it was arguably better than what Nessa had dealt with the year before. It did make Xiulan feel a bit sad for her, though, that things hadn't ended as pleasantly as they could have. There was only so much that any one person could take.

"Are you sure that it’s okay that I stay here?" Nessa asked suddenly. "Because I can just go stay with my friend. He won’t mind at all…"

While Xiulan wasn't sure if it was the building itself that had spooked Nessa or something else, she knew that it was going to take some convincing to reassure her that she really was welcome there. "Yes," Xiulan nodded, "it's my pleasure." There was no catch; she was doing it because she had the means. "This is a Muggle building, so you will need to be careful," she added at a lower volume. "Shall we go inside? We can speak more freely once we're away from the Muggles."

nessa abigael byrne

[nessa abigael byrne]

▲

Strangely enough, even with her various living arrangements she had never lived in a muggle building. The short stint at the Blishwick's the previous year had been in a magical building and obviously the schools and orphanage had been sequestered from the muggle population. The thought that she was fully integrated into the magical world had never actually crossed her mind until now. Mostly because when she had the chance, she'd spent as much time out and around London as possible. Somehow that dissolved her worries about being brought in by Xiulan. As if they were in it together, surrounded by the muggles. Not that she actually harbored feelings like that about the unmagical sort, just that she knew she'd be fine with Xiulan with her. "Okay..." Nessa responded hesitantly. She had no idea what her volume had been like, but after going from magical home for abandoned children to the French school to here...well she certainly wasn't used to being around muggles.

Her suitcase was readjusted in her hands, the soft clunk as her books shifted from side to side reminding her of what little she had now. Taking advantage of a living space was easily the smartest and most resourceful thing she could right now. Then once she had some money to her name and a job (but what would she do?), she could actually strike out on her own. Constantly reminding herself of that was what kept her moving. Especially today. "I really don't have to stay long either," Nessa added, only rewording her previous statement. She knew Xiulan wouldn't feel like she was owed for this, but it was hard not to think of that as it had been how everything in her life had operated thus far.

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[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

Xiulan appreciated how considerate Nessa was about not wanting to overstay her welcome, but she wasn't worried about putting a time limit on Nessa's staying with her. Adding pressure to an already difficult situation would be cruel of her, Xiulan felt. She had already had the clock ticking on her time left in the care of the orphanage, and that was on top of the trauma of the fire at Hogwarts. Giving Nessa some time just to figure out her next steps for a change didn't seem unreasonable.

"I want to make sure you can provide for yourself and have enough money saved up in case of an emergency," Xiulan explained to Nessa as the two of them entered the building itself. As long as they avoided bringing up anything specific to the magical world in the common areas, there was no harm in conversing, not that they had too far to go down the corridor before reaching the door to Xiulan's flat. "We can figure out the specifics once you've had some time to adjust," she added on. Contrary to what Nessa surely had been told at Hogwarts and at Beauxbatons, she didn't need to have every last detail of her life determined at that point.

"We're right here. Flat Q." Xiulan indicated the door to Nessa and unlocked it. She then opened the door and stepped inside just enough so that she could hold the door open for Nessa.

Once they were both inside the flat with the door shut and locked behind them, Xiulan's demeanor shifted slightly, in that she was more relaxed than she had been while they were more "exposed", per se. She removed her shoes in favor of a pair of house slippers and then continued their conversation. "I'll show you to your bedroom."

nessa abigael byrne

[nessa abigael byrne]

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Nessa often wondered if this was what it was supposed to be like to have a parent. Or at the very least, an adult that cared. Despite Xiulan's intentions being clear since the beginning, Nessa was still hesitant. It was hard not to be with such sudden good will. The summer with Blishwick didn't really constitute as that, despite getting a lot of assistance and work from the man. She had 'applied' after all. Trust had to be built though, and simply buying school supplies and housing her wasn't any different than what the orphanage did. She supposed the only difference was that this seemed to be out of good will instead of obligation. Nessa nodded her head to show that she understood this concept of 'saving money' and whatnot. Having any sort of money would fall into that category, right? Currently, she didn't have a Gringotts account because she had nothing to put into it, and when she did happen to have pocket change it stayed just that...pocket change.

"Alright," she responded as she followed her guarantor up into the building and to the flat. Was it even right to call it a flat? Going from shared rooms at the orphanage to the Hogwarts (and Ilvermorny) dorms, she didn't really know what a normal home looked like. Merlin, this couldn't even be considered normal, could it? There was a certain level of luxury here that she'd never even witnessed before. Even the Blishwick's place felt different, and they were filthy rich.

To say she immediately felt out of place would be an understatement. Her gaze flicked back and forth to everything she walked past, as she was apparently being led to her room. Nessa stopped herself from asking again if this was all okay, because she knew that wasn't a winning argument. And where would she go instead? She had nowhere to go. So it was either here or begging someone to house her, and she didn't really have anyone else.

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[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

It wouldn't take long at all to walk Nessa to the guest bedroom, the room that would be her bedroom for as long as she would be staying with her there, but Xiulan didn't want to rush Nessa as she began to take in her new surroundings. Her flat certainly wasn't the orphanage, and she wanted Nessa to feel comfortable there. It was a well-kept place, of course; it was no museum, either.

"Here." Xiulan opened the door to the guest bedroom and turned to face Nessa, remaining as relaxed as she could be. Having a teenager around would be a new experience for her, too. "This is your bedroom, and your bathroom is right over there," she told her, directing her attention to the door to the ensuite bathroom.

"I want you to be able to think of this as your home, too," she added. Xiulan fully expected that it would take some time. She also had to find a way to clarify some things for Nessa without inundating her or scaring her off. "I don't have many rules for you," she explained, "but there are some things you need to know, now that we're away from the Muggles."

nessa abigael byrne

[nessa abigael byrne]

▲

Nessa knew that she was going to have her own bedroom prior to arriving, but the thought of it hadn’t really set in until she actually saw it. While there were times where her room in the orphanage was all to her, there was no such thing as expected privacy. Obviously the dorms at Hogwarts and Beauxbatons were the same way. And to have a bathroom attached as well? This had to be a dream, and she was more convinced that it was every second. So far she had merely gone along with everything that Xiulan had proposed, assuming it would be the best cast scenario. So far, it seemed like that was still the case. Private funding, a place to stay for free, and potential work. It was almost unbelievable yet here she was. Like every bad thing she had been subjected to since the day she was born was finally being written over.

Standing in the doorway and watching Xiulan point out everything to her, Nessa rocked awkwardly back and forth on her heels. Despite everything she had been told, she was still hesitant about it all. Did she actually deserve this? She had done nothing of particular importance that got her here. Her grades were average, she had zero aspirations, her personality was shit, and she was nobody. Slipping off into obscurity would have been easier, but here Xiulan stood, offering her everything she had never had in her life.

“Thank you…” she said after a moment of silence on her end. Her voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to her. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had earnestly thanked someone like this. Of course, Xiulan had stipulations, and she nodded her head that she understood. “I’m pretty used to rules, so that’s fine,” Nessa added. If this was going to be her first actual ‘home’, then she would probably do anything to keep it that way.

xiulan zhou ● 323 ● Song by Artist

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[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

Nessa thanked her and said that she was used to having rules, to which Xiulan smiled slightly. She already knew what she needed to explain to Nessa, but she thought that it would be better to start with the less intimidating rules and go from there. She had no experience as a parent, nor did she have siblings. On that basis, it felt strange having to state things that were second nature to her but that might not have been obvious to Nessa. Likewise, leaving something out seemed like a given.

"I don't know what the rules were at Beauxbatons or at the orphanage," Xiulan told Nessa, "but I know that you're an adult." Though Nessa was barely into adulthood and still needed some structure and guidance, Xiulan recognized that she didn't need to be treated like a little girl. As much as she wanted to be the person that she had needed when she was Nessa's age, too, they weren't the same person.

"In general, I prefer no shoes on inside the flat," she said to start. "Some of my clients follow that as well, and I keep extra house slippers if you would like them." It was easy enough to clean up using magic, of course, but it was also a cultural norm for Xiulan and many of the people she knew. "I only meet with clients in the main room," she added then. It related to her point about shoes, and she wanted to ensure Nessa of her privacy. "You don't have to hide or feel that you have to sneak around if I am with a client, but they are paying me for a service." (That was one of those rules that seemed like a given to Xiulan.)

"If you'd like to have guests over, I don't mind, as long as I know in advance." For multiple reasons, that would make both their lives easier. "And if you're going to spend the night somewhere else, please tell me." She didn't need to know the details of who, what, and where. "Just so I know you haven't gone missing." (That one might have sounded a little… reactionary, but the Dark Arts were still alive and well.)

"I do want to warn you," Xiulan noted gently as she changed the subject, "that you will likely see one of my fits." She felt bad that Nessa would almost certainly be a witness to them, probably multiple times over, but they were nothing that she couldn't manage. "It's only my Inner Eye," she reminded her. It would be frightening for Nessa at first, Xiulan anticipated. Letting her know what to do in advance would hopefully make it less stressful when it would inevitably happen. "If I have a fit," she instructed Nessa, "don't panic, and don't send for a Healer. I'll come to on my own." It was an ordinary occurrence for her, and any injuries that she did get were mundane and able to be healed with relatively basic magic.

"Honestly," Xiulan continued, "my priorities are that you're safe and have time to figure out your next steps without having to worry about how you'll provide for yourself." She didn't know how much Nessa knew about household spells, basic healing, and the various other skills that came with learning how to function as an adult in the magical world, but she was willing to teach her if needed. It would be better to make mistakes in an environment where her survival wouldn't be left hanging in the balance.

Truly, there was a lot to figure out, even in the short term. Nessa probably needed some more clothes that weren't her Beauxbatons uniforms, for one. She probably wouldn't want to eat Chinese food more often than not, which would require a bit of adjustment. It was nothing urgent, though.

With what she could think of off the top of her head out of the way, Xiulan wanted to give Nessa an opportunity to ask her questions or to lay down some ground rules of her own. "Do you have any questions for me or anything that you'd like me to know?" she asked, trying not to put Nessa on the spot.

nessa abigael byrne

[nessa abigael byrne]

▲

Nessa prepared herself for the rules description. While she didn’t anticipate it to be as strict as the orphanage’s (such as having a fairly early curfew/light’s out), this was still Xiulan’s home and she was being welcomed into it unconditionally. What she ended up getting wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it could be though and was closer to being guidelines to reduce her host’s worries. The first part about being treated as an adult definitely left a good impression, and Nessa got a warm, positive feeling from it. That sort of affirmation hadn’t happened to her. Ever. The orphanage played a game of treating her as still a child (legally) though not controllable because she was old enough to do things on her own. The same could be said about both schools, but that was always more understandable to her. And then there was Nate, who acted as if she was some dumb little child, unable to think for herself and stumbling after him like he was the epitome of freedom. He was not.

Nodding her head to show that she understood throughout Xiulan’s talking, the bit about the ‘fits’, as she called them, definitely made her eyebrows raise slightly. Nessa was unaware of the frequency of those sorts of things, but it sounded like it was possible that it occurred often enough that a warning was necessary. Or maybe just to avoid the call for Healers, as Xiulan put it. She imagined it had to look like someone having a seizure. Keeping in contact was sort of stifling, but she also understand the reasoning behind it. While it didn’t seem very adultlike to have to do so, Xiulan knowing when she was or was not going to be here was definitely important as the host.

When asked if she had any questions, Nessa thought about it for a moment. She had plenty, but whether or not they needed to be answered right now was sort of the tricky part. It was better to ask when something popped up, instead of bombarding Xiulan all at once, at least in her opinion. She was still slightly concerned about the Inner Eye thing though. ”For when you’re…is it seeing, I guess? Do you know when it’s going to happen?” Nessa figured the answer was no, but felt it was easily the most important question she had right now. ”And is there a curfew? The orphanage still had me follow one last summer, which was stupid.” It was hard not to sound disgruntled about that.

xiulan zhou ● 424 ● Song by Artist

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[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

It wasn't any surprise that Nessa had a question for her, and she asked Xiulan about if she knew when she was going to have one of her fits. Fortunately, that was easy enough for Xiulan to answer. Did she know far enough in advance to plan around the possibility? No, though that would change her life if she could See when her own Inner Eye would kick in—a different level of metacognition. Did she know before losing all awareness of herself and her surroundings? Yes, albeit with little time to spare.

"Enough that I can get myself out of harm's way," Xiulan assured her. That wasn't the whole truth, but it was sufficient. Truthfully, she worried about her own safety. It was constantly on her mind. While the sensation that Xiulan experienced before her fits wasn't unlike some symptoms of physical illness, intrinsically, she could tell the difference. It was something she knew, even if she wasn't always able to communicate that.

The second question from Nessa had nothing to do with the same subject. She wanted to know if she had a curfew while living there, since the orphanage had held her to one.

In itself, having some sort of set time by which Nessa was expected to be back wasn't a bad idea. It would give them both a point of reference for knowing if Nessa might be in danger, for example, if she wasn't back by their agreed-upon time. With the way things were in the magical world, and without any of the modified non-magical electronics in Xiulan's possession, it would provide some peace of mind. Plus, Nessa would know that staying out past her curfew could be used as an unspoken distress signal, should she need it.

Even though she liked the idea of a curfew from a safety perspective, Xiulan had no intention of punishing Nessa in relation to it. It wasn't her place to be an extreme disciplinarian. If she was one minute late, even half an hour late, it didn't really matter much. "I understand that a curfew might not be appropriate at your age," Xiulan acknowledged. Nessa was an adult, after all, and she wasn't living there because she was forced to. "At the same time, I want to make sure you're safe," she told her.

"What would work for you?" Xiulan was open to suggestions besides using the time as a gauge. There were ways to enchant objects, for instance, that could work, though those would require some more planning.

nessa abigael byrne

[nessa abigael byrne]

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Nessa found it hard not to be concerned about what Xiulan considered 'okay' regarding the fits. She had no idea what they entailed or looked like, outside of the brief description she had just been given, and it made her slightly nervous. She hated that knotted feeling in her stomach so much. It always reared it's ugly head when she became unsure or was put into a position outside of her normal element. So much for being adaptable to anything. It was no wonder no families ever adopted her. They could probably see it on her before she even knew it was a thing. None of that mattered now, of course, as being undesirable had won out and she was being thrust into adulthood. In a way, she was lucky that things had happened the way they did. If not for Xiulan, she would have been really struggling right now.

She nodded her head again to show that she understood the parameters regarding the 'fits', and decided to leave it at that. Obviously if Xiulan needed her help for it, she would ask. Though Nessa knew she wasn't equipped to help with such a thing, aside from ringing up St. Mungo's. She'd done that exactly once at the orphanage, when one of the younger children tripped on the stairs and split open their lip. It had looked worse than it actually was, and the healers had been happy she'd called even though it was fixable with a singular wand wave. She realized now that she probably should have learned what that spell was, because it looked useful.

As for a curfew, Xiulan didn't seem to think there was a need for one. Nessa agreed, though her benefactor brought up a good point. It really wasn't because she was out doing illegal or nefarious deeds, but more as a precautionary measure. She had heard stories of young adults going wild the second they got a taste of freedom. While she didn't think that would happen, she also couldn't guarantee it wouldn't either. The only thing really holding her back was Xiulan's generosity and the fact that she had very little money to spend. Frivolously going out to party with all the friends she didn't have wasn't exactly happening right now.

"I don't really have anywhere else to be...so I guess before midnight? I'm sure I'll always be back before then anyways..." She liked to sleep, after all. And it wasn't like she had anywhere else to be. Nate wasn't on her radar for the time being. "Once I have a job that might change, but I think that works for now." The structure would be nice, at the very least.

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[xiulan zhou]

Early June 2027

In an ideal world, it would be some time before she would have one of her fits, and Nessa would have had enough time to settle into life in the flat to feel comfortable when it did come up. Xiulan unfortunately couldn't promise her that, so she appreciated that the new graduate was receptive to her needing to go over such an uncomfortable topic when she was just trying to get her bearings. Nessa deserved to have whatever support she could provide her, though, which included preparing her for what would possibly seem to her to be an emergency.

Establishing some sort of guidelines around when Nessa was expected to be there was part of the same general idea of safety. Upon being asked about it, Nessa suggested a curfew for herself of midnight. She didn't have anywhere that she needed to be, she noted, though she acknowledged that her curfew might need to change once she got herself a job. All of that sounded perfectly reasonable to Xiulan, who had no issues with Nessa's proposal.

"Midnight works for me," she replied in agreement. There were few places that stayed open later than that, so it wouldn't affect Nessa's ability to live her life as she wanted. It would also keep both of them from having to stay up too late at night, which would be more important for Nessa once she got a job and had a schedule to which to adhere. "If that becomes a problem later on," Xiulan added, "then we can address it." There was no point in sitting around and coming up with every possible scenario right then and there.

"Is there anything else that you need from me?" Xiulan then asked. "I'm sure you'd like to get settled in."

nessa abigael byrne