pale dreamers [lyra]

[Lyra Horváth]

Rob was softening slightly, he wasn't as hostile now, but still there was an edge to him. It pushed a wedge between them and made Lyra want to retreat further into herself. Of course she wasn't looking for his permission, but she needed his money to make it happen. She'd put aside a sizeable sum from her duelling pursuits true, but it wasn't enough for what she had set her gaze on, wasn't quite enough to achieve the goal she'd been looking towards, the retirement plan for both of them she had in mind.

"I need more though. I need...I need a business partner. An investor to put forward the other half. I don't have enough by myself" she had been giving him an almost pleading look before giving a sigh and looking down away from him. Lyra hadn't noticed two drinks appear at their elbows. If she had she would have been glad to have something to do with her hands. "I can't do it alone Rob" with quiet admittance she redirected her gaze out towards the city lights.

Her focus stayed there for a moment, though it was clear she was listening to his words and thinking on how to answer them. She didn't answer at first because she simply didn't have the words. Eventually she gave another quiet sigh, still unable to look at him "I...I don't know" beginning to chew at her lip, she was morphed back to being fifteen years old again. Being asked how it felt to be dealing with everything. She had never been good with actually facing emotions. Before her bite she had always been over emotional, over dramatic; every little feeling pouring out and showing obviously before she even had time to process it all. After her bite, burying emotions and not dealing with them at all until it came to pouring them into her survival.

Truthfully she didn't know what she was feeling at the moment, but she knew it wasn't anything good.

The way her mate sat across from her, watching her. ”I like the idea of a future with you,”. Lyra felt the unsaid 'but' that went at the end of that sentence. The word that sat in her throat and made her feel uneasy. Just a year and a half after she had settled into happiness after finding her mate, she felt...she felt nothing good. He was uneasy too. Though it went unsaid she knew it was there. Lyra knew his tells likely better than Rob would care to admit, but this she wasn't sure about. It was a feeling she couldn't quite put her feeling on, but it was rancour. Restlessness. She didn't know but she didn't like it.

Eventually she looked at him in silence and gave a quiet nod. "Lets do it then." her smile was a false one, but one that was well hidden. Reaching for her drink, eventually seeing it, she smiled as she took a sip, wondering if she should instead swap it out with some alcohol to deal with the tension in her bones.

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob kept his gaze focused on Lyra, whilst his mind was whirring. What was she asking him? To invest? He quite liked her idea of a place that would be welcoming for all sorts, wolves and vampires and the like all included. It was a matter that things would have to change if they were to buy this place - his immediate instinct to be put off the place was hard to shake. ”I think… some changes would need to be implemented,” said Rob slowly, not quite giving her an answer. Lyra went on to outline how she needed a business partner and Rob swallowed thickly.

”Lyra, how much are we talking here? Why not go to someone with deeper pockets? I want to stay on at the apothecary,” said Rob tentatively, hoping that she wouldn’t ask him to give up his life for this endeavour. He wasn’t sure how to feel. ”Of course I want to help. But I don’t think I can match your funds, or dedicate the time needed. I’m just trying to be realistic,” said Rob, his brow crinkling. Thankfully, two drinks appeared at their elbows and Rob was glad that he was able to lapse into silence, dropping Lyra’s intense gaze.

It was a shame then, when Lyra returned to hesitance. Rob felt his temper bubble, but he clenched his jaw shut before he said something he would regret. Discomfort stretched between them, setting both on edge. Rob knew Lyra could read him as easily as he could read her. There was a tension in her mouth, a slight furrow in her brows. Lyra stopped herself, but the word unsaid echoed between them. ”But…” said Rob quietly, keeping his gaze averted ”Maybe we’re on different pages. Maybe you have to find yourself first,” said Rob at last.

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

"Well, I wouldn't expect you to leave the apothecary" With a frown she sipped from her drink, somewhat irked that he thought she would actually take that from him "I don't need your time, just your support." Her tone had slightly more sharpness to it than she had intended it to, and she picked up on it. To keep herself from saying much more, she dipped her gaze again and began to chew on the inside of her cheek.

While she listened and ruminated, she was quiet again. When she was young, Lyra had been such a dreamer, so optimistic before her attack. Since she had found Rob, small parts of that had come back to her, and yes she may have changed in his eyes, but in some small ways she had been proud of that. It had been back to her old self, claiming parts of her that ad been taken from trauma. She didn't need people to be realistic, she just needed them to be there for her.

Her doubts were creeping in now, and despite the animalistic bond they shared; like the tide ebbing and flowing it was like she felt him pulling away.

As he went on, she felt her hope not just slip, but fall away entirely. Her stomach dropped and the small bits of nibbles she had picked at from the centre of the table mixed with the drink she had taken, and immediately turned sour. As she swallowed, she cocked her head up to meet his gaze again, her pointed chin tipping up in an almost challenging way. As she spoke she found the voice was stronger than she expected

"What...what do you mean Robbie"

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob chewed in on the inside of his cheek. ”What does a business partner entail then? I’ve already said I would support you, a hundred percent,” he replied. He just wanted clarity - a confident and resounding answer, outlining her expectations from him. Why it was taking so much effort, Rob couldn’t figure it out. Lyra was staring down at her lap. Rob took a deep breath. It seemed like nothing he could say would salvage the conversation. She was spiralling into himself, and his presence here was doing nothing to help her.

Rising from his seat, Rob circled the table and crouched by Lyra’s side. He took her hands, looking up into her dark, doe eyes. ”Lyra, this is a fantastic idea. I just need you to be confident. To know what you’re asking for. To know what you want,” said Rob, his voice barely above a whisper. ”I worry that you’ve lost yourself in finding me. I don’t want to be apart from you, but I want you to be the woman you are on your own. To have me support you as a partner, not a crutch. I feel like a crutch,” he admitted, though held her gaze.

”You’re my mate and I’m lucky to love you. But you need to stop questioning yourself. Better to ask forgiveness than permission,” said Rob, running his thumbs over the knuckles of her small hands. ”I will be here for you. But maybe you have to stand on your own first. I know you can manage it…” said Rob, his gaze pleading. He didn’t know what else to say, his stomach knotting up uncomfortably. Was he asking too much?

Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

His questions went unanswered. She had answers, not exact facts and figures to hand, but in her accounts office, other papers in hanna horváth 's office. Packed away neatly, but completely pointless now. She wanted something for them, together that would stand the test of time.

But now, what was the point.

The shock still sat in her stomach, an uncomfortable ice burning it's way through the lining worse than any stomach acid could. A physical ache had settled in her chest, not unlike she had during their time apart before. Was this what their time as bonded mates was to become; disagreements & times apart. Better times together, until it fell apart again. Lyra's throat was tight as she listened, unsure of what to say at first. Eventually she quietly spat out, like a scolded child "You're not my crutch. I don't expect you to be, nor do I need it Epkey" With that outburst of spite, and anger, her cheeks flushed and she wasn't exactly pleased with it. Her eyes dropped away as she forced herself to steady her breathing and try and still herself for a moment.

She'd always been emotional. Even as a toddler, her magic had always manifested at times she held strong flares of emotions, feeling them change with quick succession. After she was bit, her feelings had dulled. She had just put her head down and survived. Sealed over a part of herself she never thought she'd have to open up again, and yet meeting Rob had kicked that off in her. While unveiling the best of the old parts of her, the control she had grown to know had also melted away. It left her vulnerable and frankly terrified. She assumed that was what Rob was seeing now, and despised it. His words rang in her ears, and silence rang around them as she processed it all. The words didn't come to find her easily. When they did, she still didn't look up to him. Her tone was almost mute mumbling.

"In finding you, my mate-" her voice for a moment was edged as she put weight on the pronunciation of 'my mate "I've began to find parts of myself I haven't seen since I was bit and this whole horrible took hold of me." taking a shaky breath, she felt her eyes start to prickle and cursed herself again for being such an emotional wreck beneath the surface. It was then he reached out and rubbed his fingers over her hands. She didn't pull them away, but she didn't exactly react either. "It was easier once, to be a cold hearted bitch, as means of survival. I'm sorry I'm not that. That below the surface I'm softer than expected. Bit by bit, the hard exterior has been falling away as I become more comfortable with you, and I thought I was getting better for it. I felt I've been building myself back up in a way I didn't think I would ever be able to. I'm not there yet, but I thought I would get there. But-" with another quiet breath she gave a small shrug, her tone slightly more bitter as she remained on edge "I'm sorry I guess I'm just not the person you thought I was Rob."

EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK

[EPKE ROBERTUS OPPEDYK]

Rob tried to tamp down on his frustration - they were just going in circles. He wasn't asking her to lock away her emotions and be a frigid bitch. He just wanted to see the self assured woman he'd met his match in. The one who had proven to him that she was a proficient duellist and not someone to be coddled. But seeing this hesitancy today, the questioning in her eyes and the keen need for approval, Rob wondered which Lyra was his mate. And the fact that they were even having this unending conversation raised alarm bells in his head.

Exhaling sharply, Rob knew he had said the wrong thing about being her crutch. He'd never been very good at empathy, that was all Halo. Yet her was on his knees in front of his mate, begging her to see sense, to see the woman that he knew her to be. But Lyra shut down, her nostrils flaring as she snapped back at him, vitriol evident in every word. "I'm not asking that!" Rob exclaimed, exasperated. "You once proved to me that you could bring a seasoned duellist to his knees in less than two spells. You didn't ask questions - you showed me with your own self confidence and power that you were more than capable of doing things yourself. Where is she now?" asked Rob, his eyes meeting hers.

Rob could see that the battle was lost. Lyra's small shrug and empty words sealed that. Abruptly, Rob rose. "Maybe not," he replied, scraping a hand through his hair as his nerves rattled around in his skull. "And maybe I'm not who you want me to be," he added, his gaze hardening. "I need time to think," said Rob after a moment, and turned on his heel. He'd already assumed that there would be magical wards around the place, and the suffocating feeling of needing to escape pressed down on him. He jammed his finger on the lift button, calling it, swooping down in a burst of magic before he apparated to the first place he could think of. Away from Lyra. Away from his mate. Away from his life.

end rob
Lyra Horváth

[Lyra Horváth]

Every word he spoke to Lyra was like an emotional punch in the gut, winding her. Eyes wide, she froze as she sat across from him. This was for sure not where she had felt the evening going. The air was being sucked out of her with every little thing he said. The life being pulled away from her. The ache that began in her chest as she felt what was beginning was unending; it became more crushing by the moment. Clawing at her.

Rubbing a hand on her sternum in some desperate attempt to try ease it, she felt her eyes start to prickle and her throat close up in a panic. Her very heart was being ripped out of her. Her life being torn away. Rob was walking away. Her mate was leaving her. As the pain in her chest grew worse, a horrid nausea settled in the pit of her stomach; something akin to how it used to be on full moons, but altogether worse. And yet as her Robbie was walking away, he seemed so unscathed. So immune to the physical torture that was beginning inside her. A lot of people had left her in life for sure, but none had ever felt this awful. That fucking mate bond. Was this it? Blankly her brown eyes bore into him. She was in such a state of shock, she was unable to even form a response; barely processing what was going on.

He was rising from the table; and then so effortlessly he walked away.

Why was his body not in turmoil like hers was? Maybe he was never truly her mate.

The lift doors pinged open and he stepped in without so much as a glance back towards her, and then he was gone.

People around them were staring now, acutely aware that something had big had just come undone between them. Lyra had yet to notice though, so wrapped up in her own inner anguish; mental and physical. All at once it poured out and she became undone; the tears began to flood down her face, her respiratory rate quickened in a panic, and her mouth fell open, eventually quietly croaking out "She's still here." It was just too bad Rob wasn't. She needed to get out, to get away from here. Despite sitting out on the balcony, nothing but sprawling space above and below her, this wasn't it. In a rush she rose from her table and bolted for the elevator towards the lobby. She wouldn't go to Hanna's or anywhere she'd be found; no, she'd have to go away farther than that. She'd need something to numb her better than that.

As she moved towards the space, people began to whisper, wondering if she had gone after him. But no, Lyra was going much farther away than that. She didn't want to be found, didn't deserve to be. She had been so far removed from life before; she'd just have to do it again. As the doors of the lift closed behind her, she had barely set foot into the lobby, and be given a wide smile by the Maître d' before a loud crack had sounded and she was gone.

Disappeared.

Fin.