you should go and love yourself -- andy and phil

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@lestrange && @philiplongbottom

moving his quill over the parchment albus frowned a little. he wasn't focused on the work but he needed to get it done. he'd spent a fair few days away from classes in the last few weeks and needed to start catching up on the work he'd missed. he was leaning the parchment on his knee's, trying not to let the sharp end of the quill pierce the parchment but he couldn't go inside and do this at a table. as it was he was leaning up against one of the statues in the courtyard trying to stay hidden. he'd been avoiding andy for days now. he knew that she still had feelings for phil. she might not have said it but he wasn't an idiot. though he felt like one for thinking that things were going okay between them before he'd found out about the way she had clung to phil the day of the kidnapping. he ran his hand through his hair and tosses his quill down on the ground, resting his head against the stone and letting a frown slip onto his face as he heard andy's voice in the courtyard. bullocks. he pulled the crutches he still used to get around closer to his legs and hoped she didn't see or hear him moving them. that was if she was looking for him .. if she had even noticed him not being around.

[Deleted]

Why in the heck had Albus been avoiding her for the past four days!? She was just as stressed as she was. She was at the attack too. She had lost friends too. She had seen the pain of that tower exploding and been with him through it. So what was his problem?

She had let him avoid her, though. She understood needing space and wasn't going to push him. She knew he was having a hard time with life in general lately, probably moreso than anyone deserved. People still blamed him for the tower. His mums memory, his dads hardships. Everything was bad, she understood that.

But today she had had enough. It had been three weeks since they had first kissed in the library. They had started this thing out burning so bright, so clear, so intense that she shouldn't be surprised that this was happening.

She found him, in the courtyard, clearly trying to hide from her again. Her face softened as she reached him. "So, are we going to talk about this?"

@al

[Deleted]

@lestrange && @philiplongbottom

"So, are we going to talk about this?"he looked up at her as she came into his view and saw her face. it was strange but he had hoped when he'd first realised what was happening that he was being paranoid. that andy did actually want to be in this relationship with him and was commited to making it work. he felt so stupid now. he shifted slightly, glancing down to pack his stuff up and he rubbed the back of his neck. this wasn't goint to be pretty. he could be civil about it, let her go and tell her it was okay but he wasn't ready for that. everything he'd been going through? this was the icing on the cake. the one good thing he had? he was loosing. he sighed a little and looked up at her, his green eyes hiding any sort of emotion he might be feeling, whether it be hurt or anger. but he knew that wouldn't last. he'd been more emotional the last few months and he wasn't sure that was a good thing. "if we talk, are you going to tell me the truth? or are you going to keep pretending" he shifted to lean against the statue again. "i know how you look at phil. i'm not an idiot andy. you can't hide that from me"

[Deleted]

She waited for him to respond, letting him do whatever he needed to to prepare. She could tell what was going to happen. She wasn't stupid. When he did speak, however, she wasn't expecting what happened. "I... Phil is one of my friends. I care about him. So what? What's the problem?" of course she wasn't going to go admitting it right away. She didn't even admit that to herself. No, she wanted this to work. She really liked him, she really liked spending time with him, she really liked his smile and his passion. She tried to focus on those things as she took a step toward him.

Her voice quieted, "why are you doing this?"

@al

[Deleted]

@lestrange && @philiplongbottom

"I... Phil is one of my friends. I care about him. So what? What's the problem?" she wasn't going to tell the truth. he had hoped that she would and they'd be able to get this over with. he used his crutches to stand up, hooking them under his arms and pulling his bag onto his shoulder. his eyes flashed a little as he tried to curb the hurt that was growing in him. she still wanted to lie to him. he was about to answer her after having taken some time to gather up her thoughts and he shook his head a little as she spoke again. "why are you doing this?" he looked up at her almost in shock, his eyes having widened a little and a look of disbelief. "me? why am i doing this? why are you doing this. it's not fair. you don't love me, not in that way and i'm pretty sure you know you never will. so why the hell are you with me in the first place"

[Deleted]

"You don't have t love someone to want to be with them, Albus! I like you, I did and I do and I'm not saying that that's okay, but thats why I want to be with you. Is that so hard to believe? Is it hard to believe that a freaking seventeen year old could just like somebody and want to be with them because of that? I'm sorry I'm not Rory, Albus. I'm sorry I'm not deeply in love with you and would take torture from my father to prove it. I'm sorry that I'm not falling madly in love with you. I'm sorry that I follow my impulses, that I feel emotion, that I'm human. Thanks for being so damn understanding," she found herself lift her hands as if she was going to shove him or something, but she just let them suspend in the air before taking a step back and taking a few breaths. Her voice was lower, darker when she spoke again, "I guess it makes sense that you couldn't just talk to me. We were never friends in the first place."

[Deleted]

@lestrange && @philiplongbottom

"You don't have to love someone to want to be with them, Albus! I like you, I did and I do and I'm not saying that that's okay, but thats why I want to be with you. Is that so hard to believe? Is it hard to believe that a freaking seventeen year old could just like somebody and want to be with them because of that? I'm sorry I'm not Rory, Albus. I'm sorry I'm not deeply in love with you and would take torture from my father to prove it. I'm sorry that I'm not falling madly in love with you. I'm sorry that I follow my impulses, that I feel emotion, that I'm human. Thanks for being so damn understanding," he frowned and shook his head. letting go of the handle of one of his crutches to force his hand through his hair. "you don't want to be with me though! it feels like your using me to forget about your feelings for phil. stop treating me like an idiot andy. i understand! i do! i get that you like him and that's great. i'm happy for you. but the fact that you've been dating me for the last month and phil is still the person you want to be with when shit goes down .. it makes me wonder why your putting me and him through it. it's not fair on either of us. or you. you think i don't know that you were with him through the kidnapping? that you got what some people would call intimate with him?" he asked, frowing as he saw her hands come up to shove him before she dropped him. "go on. do it. it'll probably be the first real emotion you've shown me" he said as his eyes narrowed. "are we really friends now andy? tell me honestly. do you like me anymore than you did a month ago?"

[Deleted]

So, he obviously hadn't heard a word she said about caring about him and liking him too. That was fine. But when he called her out on showing real emotions, that had been the last straw. "You want real emotions, Albus?" her voice was quivering and her hands started to shake, her eyes welling up with tears. "I was never allowed to feel emotions while your parents just let you and your siblings run rampant like a bunch of wild animals. We were made from opposite ends of the scale, Albus. And maybe that's just it. MAYBE that's why you can't understand how hard it is for me to love someone SO FINE-" she took another step back, whipping her wand out of her pocket and pointing it at him. "FINE," her voice was raised to a yell now and the tears were flowing freely, "I LOVE HIM, OKAY? I LOVE PHIL AND I DON'T-" she reared her wand back, unsure of what sudden magical presence seemed to be controlling her actions and she swung it forward, a spell on her lips...

@philiplongbottom

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@lestrange and @al

As Phil walked back from the greenhouse, he heard raised voices. He found himself walking over to where the voices were originating. The closer he got, the tighter the knot in his stomach cinched. That sounded like Andy... and that probably meant the raised voice was Albus.

When he got close enough to hear what was being said, his mouth dropped open.

"--erstand how hard it is for me to love someone SO FINE--FINE. I LOVE HIM, OKAY? I LOVE PHIL AND I DON'T-" She sounded like she was crying out of anger. Why was she so mad, and why was she crying?

For a moment, he considered just walking away. But... she said she loved him. Phil. Not Albus. And he couldn't.

He walked into the courtyard and his eyes widened at the scene before him.

Albus's face was flushed with anger, and so was Andy's. But Andy had her wand out, pointing at Albus. And she was not putting it down. Phil took the next few steps quickly, pushing her wand arm up quickly, letting the spell she released explode harmlessly into the air.

"Andy... what are you doing?" He whispered urgently to her, a concerned look overcame him as he looked back and forth between her and Al.

[Deleted]

@lestrange && @philiplongbottom

"I was never allowed to feel emotions while your parents just let you and your siblings run rampant like a bunch of wild animals. We were made from opposite ends of the scale, Albus. And maybe that's just it. MAYBE that's why you can't understand how hard it is for me to love someone SO FINE-" his eyes narrowed when she brought his family into it. well that was a low blow. maybe she had more lestrange in her than anyone thought. taking cheap shots was what they did best according to history. "wild animals? my family has nothing to do with this! that's the lestrange in you. pulling innocent bystanders into the carnage. you think you're the only one with family issues? you haven't got the monopoly on daddy issues andy. your family didn't force you to lie to me andy. they didn't force you to lead me on either. you did that all by yourself" he snapped at her, watching her take out her wand and aim it at him "FINE," "I LOVE HIM, OKAY? I LOVE PHIL AND I DON'T-" his eyes narrowed a little as he braced himself, his hand moving to his back pocket and he pulled his own wand out of his pocket as phil was suddenly there forcing andy's hand up and the spell went off in the air above them.

[Deleted]

Suddenly a familiar hand on her wrist had Andys eyes widen, her heart slow, and her muscles relax. She let her wand fall out of her fingers and turned her eyes toward Phils. "Phil-" she looked at her empty hand, then back to Albus. Her eyes widened even more as she realized what had just happened. She had almost shoved them, and then she was about to curse him. She was about to hurt someone just because she didn't like what they were saying. That wasn't a good reason to hurt anyone. That's what... that's what her father would have done. She caught her breath, suddenly realizing that it was hard to breathe. She turned back to Phil and simply shook her head before ripping her arm out of his grip and taking off at a run.

(andy out)

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@al

Phil watched as she realized what was happening. Then ripped herself out of his grip and ran away. But this time... unlike the multitude of other times she had run away from him in the last months, he had hope. She loved him.

As he looked across the courtyard at Albus he almost felt guilty about his happiness. Albus would be crushed. But Phil actually wasn't in a mood to comfort him. Not at all. But he couldn't just leave.

"Did her spell get you at all? Are you hurt?" He asked. So long as he was fine, Phil was going after Andy, right now.

[Deleted]

@lestrange && @philiplongbottom

he saw the look in her eyes as she dropped her wand. it stabbed at his heart a little to know he has made her feel angry enough to try and hurt him. he felt guitly but what else could he have done? let it go? let her keep pretending? no. this was for the best. he hoped. she liked him he knew that. he'd liked her too, a lot but. none of it would have been enough anyway. he was smart enough to realise it had been lust fuelling their relationship. and perhaps something that could be salvaged as friendship someday. but that day wasn't this one. he felt his body sag against the statue, watching her run away from him and phil. it hurt. it hurt more than he ever thought it could. the feeling that something he had enjoyed was over. the one good thing in his life was now in shatters and it hurt. he ran a shaky hand through his hair and over his face as he shook his head to phil's question. he wanted to get out of there, yell, break something and loose his mind over what had just happened. but he couldn't. not in the school. not again. "no. she didn't get me. go after her" not that phil would need much prompting. it was what he had wanted after all. phil wanted andy and now he had her. or could have her.

(le end)