when tomorrow comes, i'll be on my own (james)

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Abby wished it was raining. 

It would have make the walk from the muggle fighting arena a lot cooler. She had ended up leaving that place only about a half hour after Theo did, considering people were going to start coming into the locker rooms. She just got up and started walking. She didn't even realize that she was heading toward Godrics Hollow until she was practically there. It was a wizarding community, so one had to take special ways to get around to it but, eventually, she was standing on the Potters front porch, staring at the door.

She didn't know what time it was and honestly she didn't care. Her eyes were dry now but so was everything else. Her tongue, the top of her mouth, everything felt like sandpaper, as if all the liquid in her body was completely gone. In fact, she was sure that was exactly what had happened. She had cried on the floor of that room until she forced herself to stand and then cried for most of the walk here. Now, she was completely deadpan, not sure what to do next.

She slowly lifted one hand, and knocked on the door once.

@jams

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James was up late again. Since graduating, James had had some trouble sleeping at night. There was the constant stress over what he was going to be doing for the rest of his life, of course... then the emotional baggage he was still feeling after everything that had happened in the last year... it was all a lot to process, even still, and it just kept him awake at night. Tonight was no different as James sat in the living room of the Potter home, a small fire going in the fireplace. He was in his pajamas and was hoping he would eventually just fall asleep on the sofa. Everyone else was already asleep upstairs and he envied them.

James continued to sit on the sofa, his head leaning against his fist as he stared into the fire when he heard one lone knock at the front door. He sat up almost immediately. Had a person really knocked on the door or maybe he had heard the wind? James reached into his pocket for his wand and he slowly got up off of the sofa and into the foyer. With his wand at the ready, he reached for the doorknob and then quickly swung it open. The eldest Potter's wand arm immediately dropped when he saw Abigail Shacklebolt standing in the doorway.

"Ab?" James asked, confusion all over his face. "What are you doing here?"

@abigail

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James opened the door and she almost let out a sigh of relief, if she could remember how to do that. She lifted her eyes to meet his face as he spoke, asking what she was doing there. She shook her head, very slowly, almost so that the motion was unrecognizable. She felt her hands starting to shake again and clenched her fists. She didn't know how red and puffy her eyes were, how her throat was so dry, how her entire body ached. She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice came out raspy and dry, "I..." she started, then she cleared her throat, "I need you," she said. It was clear that she didn't meant it in any sort of romantic capacity. It was not the same as how she'd said that before, in a more juvenile capacity. It was that begging sound, that sound that she didn't allow herself to use when Theo was walking away from her. It wasn't as desperate as what had come to mind then... but it was just as pathetic.

　
@jams

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Seeing Abby in his front doorway surprised James, but it also worried her. Her appearance was not her normal one and it was actually grounds for a lot of worry. James took a moment, his hand still on the doorknob, as he looked Abby up and down. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were red, that much he could make out in the light from behind him, and when she finally spoke, her voice sounded so raspy... nothing like her usual self. Almost instinctively, James took a step forward and wrapped both of his arms gently around Abby. Whatever had happened, he had a feeling that a hug was what she needed.

Abigail and James had always been best friends. They had been friends with benefits somewhere along the way, but they always seemed to put their friendship before any sort of physical passion they would indulge in any day. James held Abby close to him and put his hand on the back of her head, letting her rest her head on his shoulder even though she was practically the same height he was. "I'm here, Ab," he said quietly to reassure her.

"Let's go sit down. Get you something to drink?" James said, not pulling away from her so that she could take her time with the hug if she needed to. James could tell she was hurting and there was a pit in the bottom of his stomach as he thought of the possibilities as to why she could be hurting this bad.

@abigail

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Abby didn't move when James wrapped his arms around her, placing a hand on her head. It was such a normal gesture, one she should have accepted happily and melted into, but she was like a statue. He said he was there, and she knew he was, but for something reason being there wasn't enough. She thought it would... well, she wasn't really thinking anything, but she had come here. hadn't she? So why didn't she feel any better?

He suggested they go sit down, that they get her something to drink, but he didn't move. Neither did she for a moment longer, arms at her side. Finally she just gave one nod, "yeah," she said before letting him take her inside. Sitting down sounded impossible to her mind, but her body was begging for her to allow it. She was afraid to drink water as well because she was worried it would just make those tears come back again. Tears that she was one hundred percent against existing at all.

@jams

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It was weird having Abigail not hug him back or something. James could not recall a time he had ever seen Abby so... statue-like. Not even when her father died. He was worried for her. What on Earth could have happened that did this to her?

James turned to head into the foyer of his home, closing the door behind them as he had his left arm around Abby's shoulders. He pulled his wand out of his pajama pants with his free hand and cast a charm at the staircase so that no one sleeping upstairs could hear them talking and be woken up. He led Abby to the kitchen and to the dining table where he pulled out a chair and helped her to try to sit down. With another wave of his wand, a glass of water appeared in front of her. He sat down at the chair just next to her so that he could stay close to her.

"Take all the time you need to talk," James said, looking at her with a worried brow. "But I'm here for you..."

@abigail

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As soon as the water appeared in front of her Abby reached out to it, taking a long sip. She didn't realize how thirsty she really was. She let out a loud breath and set the glass down when he say beside her, and looked to him as he spoke. "I-" she started. Abby was an impatient person. she didn't like waiting til she was ready to talk. But her mouth wouldn't cooperate and her eyes were starting to sting. UGH. She groaned and turned away, fixating her eyes on the glass in front of her.

"I should have expected this," she said firmly, "It's not like either of us promised anything. I didn't want to. Still don't I just," she shook her head, reaching out to grab the cup again, hoping that clasping onto something would steady her. "I should have just killed him," she said before quickly darting her eyes back to James. "I let feelings control me, James. Never again," for a moment she thought she had gone back to her old self rather quickly. But, alas, that was before she realized that the tears were already back.

@jams

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James tried not to let the surprise show on his face as he watched how quickly Abigail drank the water. It made him worry more. How long had it been since she last had something to drink? Or slept? James leaned forward slightly when it seemed like she was going to speak, but instead Abby just stared at her glass. James stayed quiet; he didn't want to make her feel any more uncomfortable than she may have already been feeling.

When Abby began to speak, there was a tiny, brief moment where James thought "she can't possibly mean us?" But James knew better than that. This wasn't about their own relationship. And when she looked at him and said she should have "killed him", James felt like he knew who this was about. James knew what it was like to feel like feelings controlled your life, so he felt as if he could empathize with Abby a bit. He scooted his chair closer to Abby and he put his hand over hers on the cup. "Abby. What happened." It wasn't a question. James wanted to know. If he had hurt her, well... James didn't really need another reason to go out and kill Theodorus Nott himself.

@abigail

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Abbys eyes landed on James's hand on hers and stayed thre as he spoke. He wanted to know what happened. She let her eyes flicker up to his and she blinked rapidly for a few moments, trying to make her eyes dry. "He's one of them, James. Elaine's," she grimaced at the name, "friends. I knew it when he didn't come back from when everyone was taken," she swallowed hard. She hated that day. Losing Addie, losing Theo, Theo sacrificing himself so she could get away... she hated that day even more now.

Her hands clenched and she took hers off the cup and away from his, "I mean, why am I suprirsed, right?" she actually managed a wak chuckle at that. Because, really, Theo liked excitement. He liked being where the action was and she could see how the action was with them. She hated that she could see that.

@jams

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James watched Abigail intently, awaiting her response patiently. When she finally spoke, James felt his shoulders tense at Elaine's name. Oh, how he wanted to find her... But then Abby continued speaking and James didn't need to connect the dots to figure out who she was talking about. James sat back in his chair, staring down at the table and not blinking. He was angry. Theodorus Nott was one of them. Theodorus Nott had done something to hurt Abigail and he was angry.

James didn't speak for a moment. He couldn't trust that what he would say would be intelligible if he did. He felt his fist clench in his lap. Finally, James slowly looked up at Abigail, his face blank side from his brow that hard furrowed more into a scowl. "Where is he?"

@abigail

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James knew who it was, of course he did. She stared at him as he was silent, wondering if she had broken him too. But then he did speak, asking where he was. Abby shook her head, "I don't know. I don't want to know," she said. His face, that scowl, was enough to actually make Abby half smile. Classic James. So loving, so protective, so brave, and so foolish. She shook her head, "I promise you James, the next time I see him I will kill him. Along with whatever other scum he's with," she ignored the sharp pain in her chest at the words. She reached her hand out again, placing it firmly on James' arm, "don't fight this fight for me." She was surprised at how level headed she was sounding, even though she felt like her entire body was snapped in half.

@jams

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James was taking in deep breathes through his nostrils and out of the thin line his mouth had formed to calm down. If he wasn't a somewhat rational human being, he would have gotten up and Apparated to wherever that scum was. He knew it. James knew that Theodorus Nott was nothing but trouble. But James could never sit there and tell Abby he told her so. He could never break her heart like Theo did. It tore him up to see her this way. When he felt Abby's hand on his arm, it felt like a cooling sensation. He felt himself calming down faster.

"Don't fight this for me." James looked down at the table and finally let out one final breath, this time loudly and somewhat frustrated but when he looked up at Abby his face was considerably more calm looking. He knew that Abby was a women of her word. He knew that whenever she next saw Theo, that he would be in danger most definitely. But the protective side of James couldn't stop himself from saying. "If anything else happens..." He looked at Abby right in the eyes, but a small half smile formed on his face. Kind of like an unspoken agreement that they both knew the other would do anything to always protect one another. "You know I'll kill him, too."

@abigail

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James looked down and let out that breath and Abby already knew what he was going to say next. He looked into her eyes and she held the gaze, even though a part of her wanted to look away. She nodded, her own half smile forming back, "together then," she said firmly. Then she placed both hands on the table and pushed off of it, crossing over to James to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "Thanks, James," she muttered, hating that she was being such a sap right now. But come on, James was one of her best friends and he just took her in even though she was acting totally unlike herself. She felt her eyes pricking with tears again and pulled away, sniffling.

@jams
(omg what now hahah)

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Even though it was just a half a smile, Abby's own smile was enough to put one on James's face as he, too, stood up to wrap his arms around his friend. "Together." He replied, just as meaningful. When Abby pulled away, James put either of his hands on her shoulders and looked at her. He could tell she still had a few tears in her eyes. "I love you, Abs," he said, putting on a small half smile in hopes of getting her to smile even the slightest bit as well. "And no matter what, I'm here for you."

@abigail
le end