when you lose something you can't replace [parvati/chantal]

[Deleted]

Cecelia hadn't known what to do. That was a common feeling these days. Unlike the other times when she didn't know what to do, though, Cecelia thought that there might be an answer to her problem. Hogwarts had a school counselor, and at first Cecelia thought that she was the answer to all her problems - she could talk to someone about everything that had happened. Grief counseling might help make her less emotionally unstable. She didn't want to end up sobbing for six hours in the bathroom again. That hadn't been good for her physically or emotionally. What had dawned on her, though, was that the school counselor was more than just the counselor - she was also the head of Gryffindor house, replacing the headmaster in that position. Cecelia had always felt bad about approaching Headmaster Longbottom for things related to his Head of House duties, because he was the headmaster, and that was more important. But Cecelia had an idea, and she needed Chantal's help to make it come to fruition. It wouldn't fix her grieving, but it would fix some of her problems with Ranger Lloyd.

Ranger was the other prefect for Gryffindor, which meant that Madam Macmillan had jurisdiction over both of them. She was their boss, in many respects, though Cecelia didn't remember ever being told to report to the counselor with anything other than major transgressions. Somehow, Cecelia thought that Ranger causing her enough emotional pain that she had cried for six hours could qualify as a serious transgression. Cecelia had asked Chantal to act as the witness of the events, though her poor grasp of English meant that the Beauxbatons student hadn't understood some of the conversation. The two girls had met outside the counselor's office. Cecelia had told Madam Macmillan that she was coming, but not the purpose of the visit - there was too much to explain in just a short message.

@chantal
parvati patil macmillan

[Deleted]

Chantal hadn't been able to find Cecelia after her confrontation with Ranger in the library, but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to stand by her. She knew that Cecelia would have to translate for her when they met with the school counselor, but she couldn't bear the thought of allowing her to go there alone.

Even if Cecelia couldn't see how much she needed help, Chantal couldn't ignore it. The Cecelia she had known at Beauxbatons never would have allowed herself to become so spectral. Her behavior, too, was worrying: She was fairly certain that Cecelia had missed meals; she was too thin to be eating well.

They might have been going to address the issue with Ranger, but Chantal hoped that the counselor would be able to see how much Cecelia was in need of someone besides her peers to check on her welfare.

When she arrived at the door to the office, Chantal saw that Cecelia was already waiting outside of it. “T'es nerveuse?” she asked her, giving her a reassuring smile. There was no need for Cecelia to be nervous. She had a witness to confirm what had gone on.

@cecelia

[Deleted]

Cecelia was happy to see Chantal’s smile. It was certainly better than a lot of the grim faces she had seen in the halls, though the Gryffindor wasn’t sure if the faces were grim because they were looking at her or because the general mood in the castle was slightly tense due to the competition between the seventh years over the Goblet of Fire. Cece knew that everyone was trying to act like they didn’t care whether or not their name would be picked, but she got the distinct impression that they did care, and that wasn’t helping her generally melancholic mood. When Chantal asked if she was nervous, Cecelia was surprised to find that the answer was yes. “Oui, un peu.” She replied sheepishly. Cecelia knew she was in the right – Ranger had had no right to speak to her that way, as a student or as a fellow prefect – but it was still kind of scary to bring it to a higher authority. What if Madam Macmillan thought she was being petty? What if, somehow, Ranger had gotten to her first and made their Head of House think that Cecelia was the one who deserved to be punished for her actions? She didn’t know what she’d do then. Still, Cecelia was steeled by Chantal’s presence, and she rapped three times on the door to the office, hoping she’d be admitted immediately so she wouldn’t have to be standing in the corridor any longer.

@chantal
parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

As Gryffindor's Head of House, one of Parvati's additional responsibilities was to oversee the Gryffindor prefects, who also had to report—in many instances—to the Head Boy and Head Girl. There wasn't anything unusual at all about the letter from Cecelia Rousseau, one of the seventh-year prefects, who had asked to meet with her. It was still very early in the year, and—although she wasn't as new to the school as some of the staff—the students were still becoming familiar with her. Parvati didn't think that either of the foreign schools had counselors there, either, which was probably why Cecelia had mentioned that a Beauxbatons student would be coming with her, she figured.

She was waiting in her office for the two girls to arrive and came to her door at the sound of the knocks. “Hi, girls,” Parvati smiled, holding the door open for them. “Please be seated.”

@cecelia

[Deleted]

Cecelia had thought that the butterflies in her stomach would have stopped by the time the door opened, but that wasn’t the case. The door opened, and it was like someone had set off an explosive inside of her, the nerves were so bad. Cecelia glanced at Chantal before stepping through the door, sitting where on the couch that Parvati had gestured to. “Madam Macmillan, this is my friend, Chantal, from Beauxbatons. She doesn’t speak English very well so I might have to translate some for her.” Cecelia said, her nerves making her feel suddenly shy. “Chantal, permets-moi de présenter Madame Macmillan, le chef du Gryffondor.” Having made the introductions, Cecelia was now at a loss for what to say. Specifically, she had come to discuss the incident in the library, but it felt wrong not to include the altercation over the summer in that history. Cecelia blinked, and when her vision cleared, she saw that once again there was an angel and a devil sitting on her shoulder. Was she going crazy? Braelynn was, of course, urging her to include the summer story, but Desirae the devil thought that it would be easier to paint the story as a random attack. It just didn’t make sense to Cecelia – she had listened to the devil before, in the alley, and look where that had gotten her.

“Professor, Ranger and I met over the summer, in Diagon Alley. I was being crushed by the crowd, and he saw me, and he didn’t help.” She swallowed, stumbling over the words. “And I got angry at him, because I didn’t want to die,” I didn’t want to die like Bay were the words that hung unspoken in the air, “And I may have tried to hex him.” It hadn’t been a good day for Cecelia, that much was for sure. “And then, a few days ago, in the library, Chantal and I were talking in French, and he eavesdropped on our conversation, and he assumed that because I was speaking in the language my friend is more comfortable in that I was trying to hide something from him. I mean, I wasn’t exactly being nice, but considering he refused to apologize for almost being a party in my death, it seemed rational…at the time.” There. That was at least admitting that she could have been at fault for part of the situation, though she was certain that Ranger had the larger part of the blame. “And then he started going off on me about how his life is so hard – I don’t know anything about that – and then he tried to…he tried to…” Cecelia swallowed around the lump in her throat. “He threw Braelynn’s death in my face and tried to use it to make me agree with him.” Cecelia didn’t know why she felt like she was about to burst into tears – she had thought that she had already done all of her crying for the week after that day in the library. “I understand that my sister died in April, but she died, and we never really talked about it at home, and she was the one thing that I thought I had. And Ranger using her in an argument against me was out of line, especially given his position as a prefect. It wrecked me. If you want to know how…just ask Grey Slater.” It was hardly an elegant explanation, but it was the best Cecelia could do. She gave Chantal an abridged version in French, as well, omitting the parts that occurred in the library, since Chantal had been present for that.

@chantal
parvati patil macmillan

[parvati patil macmillan]

Parvati waited for the girls to get situated on the chaise. Cecelia introduced the Beauxbatons student, a girl called Chantal, and said that she might have to translate for her. That was no problem for Parvati, who was still anticipating that it was the Beauxbatons girl who was in need of counseling. It wasn’t that unlikely; the fact that the foreign delegations were only visiting Hogwarts didn’t exempt them from needing someone with whom they could discuss their problems.

Cecelia spoke again, and it was then that Parvati understood that it was Cecelia who had come for help. The second word out of her mouth was the name of the other Gryffindor prefect in her year, which wasn’t particularly comforting. It was only September, and it was dismaying to Parvati that her two seventh-year prefects already had some sort of conflict between them. She listened as Cecelia described the events that had brought her there, though her speech was unsteady and a challenge to follow at first.

Whatever had happened over the summer was outside of Parvati’s control. Trying to hex someone wasn’t the best way to solve a problem, but at least Cecelia had been honest with her about it. The library incident of which Cecelia spoke, however, explained what Chantal was doing there: She was an observer of what had gone on. Parvati was unsure if Chantal would have to pick up Cecelia’s account in whatever English she could manage to speak; the Gryffindor girl seemed to be fighting back tears.

It was Ranger’s use of the death of her twin sister, Cecelia said, that had seemed so inappropriate for a prefect. “I understand why that would be upsetting to you,” Parvati nodded after Cecelia had finished what she was saying in French. It was impossible for Parvati not to begin thinking of her own twin sister. She tried to keep her own experiences out of the picture, but she felt that she couldn’t remove all bias without sounding like one Professor Umbridge. “I'm afraid that Grey Slater isn't here,” she added sympathetically, “so you'll have to tell me what happened.”

“Take some deep breaths, Cecelia. Would you like some water?”

@cecelia

[Deleted]

Cecelia bit her lip when all Madam Macmillan said was that she could understand why that was upsetting. Did that mean that she wasn’t going to punish Ranger? Because it sounded a lot like the Head of Gryffindor was just trying to placate her, and Cecelia didn’t like that. Ranger should, at the very least, be told off. At least Cecelia had had the guts to admit that she was in the wrong about the hexing, even if it wasn’t to Ranger’s face. He probably still thought that it was perfectly acceptable to use Braelynn as leverage against her. When instructed to, Cecelia took a couple of deep breaths. “Water would be nice.” She mumbled. She didn’t want to suffer another dehydration headache if she started crying again.

“As for what happened with Grey…” Cecelia said, preparing to monologue once again. “I went to the prefect’s bathroom straight from the library and stayed there until after dinner, crying.” Cecelia swallowed. “Like I said, when Bay died, we never really talked about it at home, and it kind of just hit me that she’s never going to come back.” A stray tear rolled down her cheek, and Cecelia brushed it away. “And I get that part of that is me and not having processed everything, but part of it was also Ranger and tossing death around like it doesn’t mean anything.” Bay’s death had to mean something, because otherwise, it was purposeless. That was what she had told Grey, anyways, and Cecelia refused to change her mind when it came to that. Ranger had been wholly insensitive about the matter, and that didn’t befit the position of authority he held over other students. Leaders were supposed to be benevolent, not bullies.

@chantal
parvati patil macmillan

[Deleted]

Seated beside Cecelia on the chaise longue, Chantal waited as Cecelia conversed with the counselor in English. From what she could tell, Cecelia was explaining what had happened, so she felt no need to jump into the conversation. Cecelia could barely say what she needed to without crying; Chantal didn't want to make it any harder on her than it already was.

It wasn't until she made out something that Cecelia said—something about crying in a bathroom until after dinner—that Chantal's face fell. When she realized that Cecelia must have been in there for hours, not minutes, she gasped. If she had known where she had gone, she would have been there to provide whatever support she could. Chantal wrapped an arm around her back, doing her best to comfort her. “Cecelia…” Grieving was painful, but crying for so long at once wasn't healthy. “Tu n'es pas seule. Tu le sais, non?” she reassured her. “Je suis là pour toi.” She had been there before. She had lost a sibling, too, and she wouldn't let Cecelia suffer.

@cecelia

[parvati patil macmillan]

As Cecelia spoke some more, Parvati retrieved her wand from her desk behind her. Conjuring a goblet as a drinking vessel, she held her wand over it and watched as a stream of water flowed into it. Then, once the goblet was full enough, she cut off the water supply and carefully passed it over to Cecelia.

“Here.”

The poor girl had apparently holed herself up in the Prefects' bathroom. Somehow, Grey Slater came into the picture, though it wasn't clear to Parvati how or why he had anything to do with the situation. Cecelia had reiterated that there had been a lack of discussion of her sister's untimely death, and she had shed a tear while explaining it. Parvati looked at her solemnly. “No one's going to judge you for crying in here.” Her office was the one place in the entire castle with that guarantee, and the Beauxbatons girl seemed to be supportive, visibly shocked by what Cecelia had said.

Parvati waited as Chantal addressed Cecelia. “I'll speak with Ranger,” she promised them, understanding the urgency of it. The two prefects still had their responsibilities to uphold, and there was no chance of their working together without some friction until she could get things resolved. “Sometimes, people say things without realizing how their words might affect others.” Prefects weren't exempt from it, either. They were still young; making mistakes was expected of them.

“Sometimes, too, I don't think people always understand what it's like to be a twin,” she continued with a soft sigh. Parvati might not have been able to see her sister as much as she would have liked, but Padma had always been there for her. She was fortunate to have her by her side. It was something that Cecelia would never have again, however, which made Parvati feel guilty. “I… tend to take my sister for granted,” she admitted, putting a great deal of effort into maintaining her poise. She could sense her voice beginning to quaver slightly, and she forced a smile to distract herself from crying.

@cecelia

[Deleted]

Cecelia was glad that no one was going to judge her for crying, but she was kind of sick of it. She didn’t like the way it felt, mostly because she didn’t like losing control of her emotions. She already had so little control of the rest of her life, and she wanted control of something stupidly simple like whether or not she cried. Cecelia accepted the goblet of water gratefully, sipping it to ease the scratchiness in her throat that came with near-tears. It was nice to have something to distract her from making eye contact with either the counselor or her friend. Cecelia continued sipping when Chantal said that she wasn’t alone, that Chantal was there for her. “C’est difficile de croire que…qu’une personne peut m’aimer après tous les choses que je faisais.” Difficult indeed. She had spent so long being told she was a good person for doing bad things, and frankly, Cecelia was confused as to who she was, and who she wanted to be. It seemed so simple when she had been in the bathroom with Grey, but now things were hazy again.

“No one does except the people who are. Who were.” Cecelia corrected herself quietly. People thought they could understand the intimacy that came with sharing your entire life with someone, but they couldn’t. They couldn’t come close. “I took Bay for granted, too.” She had thought that Bay was being stupid for a while, trying to pull away from their family, dating the Lloyd boy…but that seemed to matter less now that Braelynn was gone. “Thank you for talking to Ranger. That’s all I really needed to know.” She needed to know that someone heard her, and that something would be done about Ranger's impertinence.

@chantal
parvati patil macmillan