Can't You See I'm Hanging By A Thread (Oscar)

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Anna was nervous. It felt like every day the nerves got worse and Oscar was gone. It was amazing how big of a difference that made to her. Sure, she had lots of friends and she knew that they were all there for her, but she wanted Oscar. Ever since she realized how she felt for him on Halloween, she wanted to be near him frequently. And she was, until the night when he taught her how to dance and kissed her. Ever since then he was distant and then he left for France without saying a word. He wrote her back when she owled him, which was a good thing but she still missed him. She was strangely anxious that he wouldn't be back in time for the First Task, which made her even more apprehensive about the whole thing.

She found a little comfort in wandering the castle by herself. Anna was sure that her friends were worried about her, but she couldn't help it. As the task drew nearer she needed more and more time on her own. However, she knew that if Oscar were here, she'd be trying to spend it with him. After wandering for an immeasurable amount of time, Anna looked around herself enough to discover that she was on the third floor. She smiled thinly to herself. She would end up here. 

@oscar

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Oscar hadn’t particularly wanted to return to Hogwarts. There wasn’t a reason for him to, really, since he hadn’t been selected as Champion. It would have been just as easy to have someone send his bags back to Beauxbatons, and he could go back to languishing in his home school. At least that way he’d be close to Caden’s family, and close to Caden’s grave. It was still a little surreal for Ozzy – he knew that people died, and that people he loved seemed to die a lot more often than people he didn’t care for, but he had never expected it to happen to Caden. It was different, too, because Oscar hadn’t seen Caden for the last three months, since he had been away at Hogwarts. By returning to the British school, he could almost pretend that Caden was still alive, back home in France, and Oscar didn’t know how he felt about that. It seemed…wrong.

But he had to go back. Now there was only one person left in the world that Oscar was sure that he loved, and she was at Hogwarts. If Anna hadn’t been so focused on the First Task, and so fearful of her own failure, Oscar probably would have written her the letter, professing what he had intended to say the day he had gone away. Instead, he had taken her last letter, folded it up, and put it in the front pocket of his robes, right next to his heart, so he couldn’t forget why he had come back to Hogwarts despite the pain that threatened to rip him apart. Oscar would be lying if he said that he didn’t go to the third floor in part because he believed he would find Anna there. When he made his way up the stairs, though, he was shocked to see that she actually was there. And once again, he was left not knowing what to say. So instead, he stated the obvious: “I’m back.”

@annelise

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Anna's back was to the staircase. In fact, when she heard his voice, she was leaning her forehead against the cool castle wall. She sighed, internally frustrated at her mind. Why couldn't she control her imagination? All she wanted was for Oscar to be here and it felt like she was in the Room of Requirement and the room was trying to give her what she wanted ... him. But the castle couldn't bring him back and he wasn't here. He couldn't be. She had no idea when he'd be back, if he came back at all. Now that he was out of Hogwarts and back home, why would he want to return?

Still, she turned around and looked at the staircase, just to prove to herself that there was nothing there. She gasped and her mouth fell open. "Oscar," she breathed before running over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck in a tight hug. A tight hug that she had absolutely no intention of pulling away from any time soon. "I missed you," she breathed into his shoulder, shuddering slightly from the sensation of being so close to him. She was trying to convince herself that he really was back, even though she could feel him. Still, her mind couldn't accept the fact that he was there.

@oscar

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There was a long pause in between when Ozzy spoke and when Anna actually reacted to it, and Oscar wondered if something was wrong; she normally was so quick to turn around. Still, once Anna saw him, she seemed to return to her normal self, and Oscar accepted her hug with open arms. He buried his face in her hair without thinking, searching for something comfortable and familiar in a world that was growing increasingly strange and scary. “I missed you, too.” He whispered into her hair. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, about what had happened and France and how he felt about her, but…this didn’t seem to be the right time, or the right place. He had just gotten back, and the First Task was coming soon, and there were so many other things happening. “How are you?” Oscar asked simply. Logically, he knew that he should let go of Anna so that the hug wasn’t awkwardly long, but he couldn’t. Couldn’t, or wouldn’t. He didn’t know. All that he knew was that everything seemed a lot less scary with Anna’s arms wrapped around his waist and his face in her hair. Things made sense now.

@annelise

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He was hugging her back and in those moments Anna realized how much she really had missed him over the last few days. She couldn't explain it to him or anyone else- mostly because she didn't want to admit her feelings for him when she was sure he didn't care for her in the same way- but having his arms wrapped around her was an amazing feeling. And he didn't hesitate at all in hugging her back, which meant a lot to her. If he'd continued on in the whole avoiding-her-attitude that he had before he left, Anna didn't know what she would do. Lose it, probably. When he echoed her, saying that he missed her as well, Anna's arms tightened around him. She didn't want to let go. With his arms around her like this, it was easy to pretend that he really did care for her and she did not want to give that up. She sighed and even though her head was still resting against his shoulder, she shook it when he asked how she was. She didn't want to answer that question. She was nervous beyond belief! She thought that talking with Madam Macmillan and Uncle Harry would help and in a way it did, but she was still anxious about the Task. Not that she wanted to tell him that. "I'm fine," she lied. Then, realizing that he would probably see through that, she added, "Really nervous, but I'm doing all right." Hopefully he would accept that answer.

Anna felt the need to return the question ... which meant she had to end their hug. She didn't want to, but she couldn't ask how he was doing and not look at his face while she did so. She knew his best friend just died and that he was probably not ok at all. In fact, she was positive that as soon as he answered, she'd be leaning forward to give him another hug, but she couldn't not ask him. So she reluctantly pulled away just far enough to look in his face. "How are you?" She asked softly, nervously. She just hoped he wouldn't have a mood swing because of the question. She wanted- no- she needed to be with him right now.

@oscar

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Anna said that she was fine, and for some reason, that just made Oscar want to hold her closer. He knew all too well that sometimes fine meant anything but fine, and while Ozzy wasn’t sure whether that was the case right now, he’d rather give Anna the extra comfort and have her not need it than not give her more comfort that she did need. When she added that she was nervous, Ozzy knew that he had done the right thing by applying a little extra pressure to the hug. They had both needed it.

When Anna brought the question back around to him, pulling away from the hug, Oscar cleared his throat, and suddenly found his shoes interesting. “I will not lie to you.” He told her quietly. He had tried to do that the night she had become the Hogwarts Champion, and it hadn’t turned out well. They had gotten to talking, of course, but he would rather tell her the truth and not have to have her pry it out of him. “I am not fine.” He elaborated, though it actually wasn’t that much of an elaboration. “It is…still not real.” Oscar continued, which was about as much detail as he thought he could give voluntarily. Involuntarily, though, more words began to flow out of his mouth, laced with a heavier French accent than he normally had and slightly disjointed. “I cannot believe that there is something, somewhere, that wants me to be unhappy. I do not understand why I everyone I love dies or is taken away from me.” Anna wasn’t dead, but she certainly had been taken from him – the idea of a girl who loved him had been destroyed after the kiss, and now Oscar was left with nothing but broken pieces of a life. He had thought, once upon a time – no, that was wrong, only a year ago – that his life was perfect, but a year changes a lot of things, including a person.

@annelise

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He tightened his hug when she said she was nervous and somehow that was the perfect response. She didn't need him to say anything, all she really needed was to be in his arms. She missed him so much during the last week. Missed talking to him, spending time with him. Being in his arms still felt surreal, but she didn't think she was imagining it anymore. Her imagination wasn't this creative.

Anna watched him carefully, even though he wasn't looking at her. She wasn't surprised. If she had to talk about something so personal with someone she'd only known for a month, she probably wouldn't want to look at them either. Especially if she kissed them the week before and realized she didn't care for them like that ... no, this wasn't the moment to get distracted. She was surprised when he said he wouldn't lie to her- was that even a question? But she didn't say anything. She wasn't going to interrupt him now and it wasn't that important. Anna felt tears come to her eyes when he finished, saying that something wanted to take everyone he cared about away from him. She threw her arms around him again, partly to hide the fact that she was almost crying for him, but also because she felt like he just needed that right now. "I know it's not much, but I'm here for you. Anything you need, I'll do what I can to help. I'm so sorry," Anna held onto him tightly, hoping that might mean something to him. Sure, he didn't care for her the way she wanted him to, but that didn't mean she couldn't be there for him. Even if it was just as a friend, Anna would do anything to stay close to Oscar and help him in any way she could.

@oscar

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Anna said that it wasn’t much that she was there, but to Oscar, it was everything. It was proof that not everyone had to die. Yes, he wallowed about how she didn’t care for him, but at least she wasn’t dead. She was still with him, and that was a lot more than he could say of a lot of people. Once again, Oscar found himself tempted to tell her how he felt. And once again, he knew that it was just the wrong time. “It is enough. You are enough.” Oscar told her instead, his voice gentle. “It is good just to have someone here.” Being alone was the worst thing about it all – Ozzy had taken the Knight Bus to France and back, and the whole time he had felt horrifyingly alone. But now, he didn’t.

“I brought something for you.” Oscar said abruptly, reminded by his memory of the bus and the concessions they had served on it. He withdrew from Anna to reach into the pocket of his robes, producing a bar of chocolate labelled in French and holding it out to her. “I knew you wanted to try.” He told her lamely. “And since I was already there…” He had already been in France, and he had been thinking of Anna, so he had gotten her a chocolate bar. That wasn’t anything special, was it?

@annelise

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Oscar's voice was soft and Anna felt a new, different warmth rise up through her body at his words. "You are enough." His words echoed through her mind. Anna knew she was probably reading into things too much, that he probably didn't mean it the way that she wanted to take it. Really, she wanted to be enough for him. She wanted to date him, to be in his arms other than just when they were hugging, but he didn't mean that. She knew he didn't. Not after what happened the last time they were alone together. "I'm glad I could be here for you," she answered quietly, smiling a little even though he couldn't see her face.

He pulled away and Anna felt like a cold bucket of water was poured on her when he did. She knew it wasn't rational, that it wasn't like he was leaving her to go back to France, but she still felt a strange sense of loss. "Oh really?" She asked, biting her lip to help contain her excitement. He brought her something? From France? She grinned when he held out a bar of chocolate, labeled in a different language. Presumably French. "You got me chocolate?! Thank you so much!" She threw her arms around him again and gave him a quick hug. Apparently she was in a hugging mood today. She pulled away from him and shrugged, "So can I try some of it now? I promise I'll share," she teased with a small wink as she grabbed his hand and pulled him so they were standing next to the wall. She didn't want to be in the middle of the corridor if anyone else showed up.

@oscar

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Oscar smiled when Anna answered that she was glad she could be there for him. Where was the selfishness there, the selfishness that every other human being seemed to have? He didn’t know why Anna was being so nice to him, especially since he had run off without telling her. Granted, he had had a good reason for his departure, but still, he ought to have told her. She was only a few steps away at the time, and…Oscar had to shake himself out of that mentality. He needed to be enjoying the present – at least as much as one could enjoy a world where everyone you loved was dead – instead of regretting the past.

The Beauxbatons boy nodded when his Hogwarts lover – friend, why on earth was he thinking of her as a lover!? – beamed at the chocolate. “You are welcome.” He answered, glad that at least one good thing had come of his trip to France. “You do not need to share.” Oscar assured her when she made the offer, winking at him. “When I go back home, I can get chocolate. This might be your only chance.” He tried to tease her, but the words fell slightly short of joking. The reality of the situation – that in only a few months, Oscar would be returning to France – dawned on him. Another item for the list of reasons he couldn’t be in love with Anna Weasley.

@annelise

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He was sad. She could see it and feel it just by being near him. Granted, considering what was going on in his life that wasn't a surprise, but Anna felt bad for him. She didn't want him to suffer. If there was anything she could do to lessen it, she would in an instant, but life wasn't that easy. People often had to bear their burdens on their own. All she could do was show him that she really was there for him, that the words really weren't just words for her.

She shook his head when he said she didn't need to share. "I know I don't need to share, but chocolate makes the world a better place and if your chocolate is as good as you say it is, then I shouldn't keep it all to myself," she argued as she opened the wrapper and broke off a piece of the chocolate for herself and another piece for him. "After all, didn't you say that I could come visit you in France?" Anna couldn't remember what exactly he'd said when he first told her French chocolate was better, but she seemed to remember that it was something about her going to France. Maybe she'd imagined it though ... but she was going to pretend like it was a for sure thing. She wanted to visit him once this year was over. At least, she didn't want to be done seeing him just because school was over and he'd go back home. 

@oscar

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Oscar squeezed out a smile when Anna said that chocolate made the world a better place. He doubted that chocolate could make him feel better than Anna did, but he supposed it was worth a try. At the very least he would be making Anna happy, and that was important to Ozzy. He accepted the piece of chocolate that she handed to him, biting into it. She was right – it did make him feel better, almost like the way it had made him feel better after his encounter with dementors in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It made sense, Ozzy supposed, since what he was going through was the same sort of thing that dementors induced in people. “Yes, you can visit me.” Oscar replied, taking another thoughtful bite of chocolate. “I had been hoping…that you could meet Caden.” He admitted softly. He had thought about it a lot, actually, his two best friends meeting each other. Now that was never going to happen until he and Anna both died, and Oscar prayed that wasn’t for a long time yet. “But you can still come.” Or he could just stay in England. That was starting to make more sense to Ozzy, though he wouldn’t admit it. There was nothing left for him in France anymore. “Maybe you can…see his tombstone.” Oscar said, forcing the words out one at a time, with a long pause in between each one. “And my mothers’.” Ozzy was beginning to lose his hold on his emotions. The longer he talked with Anna, the more he wanted to let go of all the tarry black emotions sticking to his insides and making him feel like everything was wrong.

@annelise

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Anna smiled when Oscar started eating the chocolate she gave him, her smile widening when he said she could visit him. "Good, because I want to," Anna confessed easily. She couldn't imagine how she would feel if he left and she just never saw him again. It would be torture, that's what it would be. Especially after being such a good friend with him for a year, since she had no intention of letting anything happen to their friendship. Now that she knew he didn't want more than friendship, that was. Then he mentioned wanting her to meet Caden and Anna's smile fell and her heart broke a little at the sorrowful look on his face. She sensed that he wanted to say more, so she stayed quiet. After a moment, Anna reached forward and took his hand in her own, squeezing it gently as she tried to encourage him and show him she was there for him. She waited, her eyes widening when he said she could still come and see ... oh goodness. He wanted to share such special places with her? A nobody, basically a stranger? She nodded slowly, trying to think of an appropriate response. "Of course, I would like to do that," she answered, hoping that he could tell how sincere she was. She squeezed his hand again, smiling weakly at him.

@oscar

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Oscar smiled when Anna said that she’d like to visit him. Even if they couldn’t be as good of friends as they were now, since they wouldn’t be able to see each other every day, Oscar was pleased by the idea that they could continue their friendship even after he returned to his home country, if that was the path that he decided to take. “I have a house.” Oscar mentioned. “So you can stay there.” There were more than enough bedrooms in that house for Anna (and all of her friends, too) to sleep comfortably, and Oscar thought that his friend might enjoy the library. He hadn’t been able to touch it for some time now, but maybe Anna could use it, since she wouldn’t have any painful memories of his mothers to go along with the books.

Anna took his hand, and it was warm, and Oscar tried to smile again. He failed miserably, but the attempt had been made. “I am glad.” Oscar said quietly. “It – it is strange to think, still, that they have tombstones.” His voice caught in his throat, but he spoke again. “It’s been a long time, or a short time, but I still miss them.” He missed his mothers’ smiles, their laughs, and even their scolding. He missed his father’s good-natured teasing and Caden’s cockiness and everything in between. He missed everything, but what he missed the most was that there was no reason for them to be dead and him to be alive, and that haunted Oscar.

@annelise

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Oscar smiled a little and Anna felt a little better. She had no idea how it would feel to lose everyone who meant anything to you and she didn't want to, but at least she was helping him somehow. Even just a little smile meant she was making a difference, which was all that she wanted. She didn't want him to feel sad and alone. "I'd love to stay in your house," she told him sincerely. Really, she didn't know what she was supposed to say anymore. The conversation had gone to something she'd never experienced before and she wanted to be there for him, but she didn't know how.

Anna squeezed his hand, really not knowing what to do, or say. "I want to see anything you want to show me," she said after a second. Really, she just wanted to spend time with him, show him that there was someone who cared about him still. Even though she knew she couldn't compare to his family and Caden, even though she was nothing but a new friend. He started talking about missing them and Anna felt even worse. How was she supposed to help him? She didn't know anything about what he had gone through. She'd never experienced it and didn't know if there was anything she could do or say. Probably not. "I think ... I think that's natural, to miss them." She squeezed his hand again, hoping to help him somehow. "I'm sorry," she said softly when she couldn't think of anything else.

@oscar