i'm not crying on sundays [james]

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Elias had told Fred to do something, and now he was going to do it. Or he was going to do it if he could ever muster up the courage to knock on the door. It was stupid, but standing on the Potters' front door step, Fred was scared all over again. James had been so supportive when Fred had first come out, but then Casey had made the joke, and James hadn't said anything, and somehow that was like his cousin was agreeing with what Casey had said. And that had hurt. Months had passed, and Fred still hadn't approached James. James hadn't approached him, either. This was the longest the two of them had gone without talking since...well, ever. The words he had scribbled to Elias with shaking hands, and then had crossed out, were echoing in his head as he stood there. I only know how to exist when I am wanted. And now, here he was, terrified that one of the people he loved most in the world didn't want him, and was just too afraid to say it to his face. Fred stood there, waiting for the courage to knock while praying that James would open the door anyways.

@jams

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James had really been trying to step it up as an adult lately. It was clear James was not fit to be an Auror. James, personally, thought a career as a Quidditch player was too easy. And he was tired of being unemployed, so James had spent the afternoon looking for jobs. Of course, he probably could have gone to his uncle for a job at the joke shop but, again, James felt that was too easy. Unfortunately, the day's search had come up empty handed, but James wasn't coming home with empty hands. He had stopped by for some groceries on the way home because he figured if gen couldn't step up with a job, maybe he could step up around the house.

James began to walk up the little stone walkway to his family home when he saw a familiar backside of a person at his front door. James stopped just a few steps behind the person he recognized instantly as his cousin. "Freddie?"

@fred

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Apparently Fred had been focusing on the wrong side of the door, because when he heard his name, it was from behind him. When he turned around, James was standing there, arms laden with groceries, and Fred couldn’t read the expression on his face. Now that he was face-face with his cousin, Fred had the unshakeable urge to Apparate away. He had tried, and this just proved that he didn’t deserve to be a Gryffindor, that he was a coward, that he – breathe. “Hi.” Fred said, swallowing thickly. He took a few steps towards James, extending his arms so he could take some of his cousin’s groceries. Aunt Ginny wouldn’t appreciate it if he came into their home uninvited without at least attempting to do a little bit of work. “Do you…have time to talk?” Fred asked, blowing out a long breath after he was done. This whole conversation – all ten words of it – was already overwhelming him and making him feel incredibly shaky. Fred was afraid.

@jams

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James certainly hadn't been expecting to see Fred standing outside of his house, but it was a pleasant surprise. Now that all of his friends had real jobs and James... didn't, well, they rarely had time to see one another. James spent a lot of his free time with Natalia, and he assumed his friends were busying themselves with work and meeting coworking friends, as well. James didn't mind, though. The more the merrier, he always said.

The eldest Potter happily handed Fred some groceries when he extended his arms. James was never one to say no to help. Plus, it would probably make his mom happy to see him bringing in an unexpected guest that was also helping with chores. James nodded at Fred as he asked him if he had time to talk. "Yeah, of course, mate," he replied, stepping past Fred so that he could unlock the front door. He turned the knob and opened it then, stepping to the side to invite Fred in first. "As long as you have time to come inside."

@fred

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Nothing really seemed to be happening. Nothing bad, of course, but nothing good, either. They were just making small talk. Fred accepted the groceries that James gave him easily – working in the shop stocking shelves had built up quite a bit of muscle in his arms, even if it didn’t look that way. James said he had time to talk, and Fred just nodded, not willingly to make any sort of emotional response to that. James asked if he had the time to come inside, and Fred nodded again, once again trying to separate himself from his emotions so he wouldn’t explode. Elias had helped release some of the pressure, but Fred still had a lot of words stuck inside of him, unsaid. He walked past James into the Potter house, making a beeline for the table and setting the groceries on top of it. Fred turned back to James, and blinked. “I don’t know what to say to you.” He said after a long pause. He had thought the words would just come out, the way they had when he had been writing the letters, but that didn’t seem to be happening, and for the first time in his life, Fred Weasley was at a loss for words.

@jams

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After Fred entered the house, James followed and kicked the door shut behind him. He followed Fred into the kitchen and set the bags down on the counter and started taking groceries out of the bags and setting them on the counter to be put away. There was a moment of silence, then Fred finally spoke. James stopped, his hand in a bag, for a brief moment as he made eye contact with Fred. He raised an eyebrow at his cousin and then continued taking items out of the bag. "I don't know what to say to you either...?" He repeated Fred's words, but in a confused tone. He wasn't sure what his cousin was getting to.

@fred

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James wasn’t really much of a help when it came to Fred figuring out where he was supposed to go from here, and he was sorely tempted just to set the grocery bag down and leave. He had tried, and that was enough. “What am I supposed to say!?” Fred repeated, opening the bag and unloading items with a bit more vigor than was strictly necessary. “It’s been too long, and now I realized that I can live without you, and you can live without me too.” If James had really been someone that Fred had loved, then why had it been so easy just to stop talking to him all at once? Why had it been so easy to let go? It should have hurt more than it did, but when everything was said and done, Fred hadn’t hurt for his loss of contact with Fred, or with Finn, either. He had just been numb, and that wasn’t how things were supposed to work. “I’m gay, James.” Fred said, as if his cousin hadn’t already known that. “I’m in love with a boy, and I've lost my two best friends because I don't know how to talk to them, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

@jams

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James stopped moving around the kitchen when he saw Fred unloading the groceries. He was on the other side of the kitchen as he watched his cousin. James didn't know what to say, so he just blinked at his cousin for a minute. He looked down at his hands that were leaning against the countertop then finally looked back up at Fred. "You don't have to talk to us any different, Fred," James spoke finally and shrugged once. "I'm still the same. I don't think any different of you." Life had been hard for everyone lately. Transitioning from being a student to an adult was rough, especially during this time in their world. "You can still talk to me just the same, I promise," he shook his head as if he had nothing to hide. "I'm sorry I haven't exactly been around for you, but I've been busy too," James said, moving over to the side of the room Fred was on to help grab more groceries to put away. "I got a job, finally," he said proudly.

@fred

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Fred shook his head a little when James said that he didn’t have to speak any differently. That just…wasn’t true. It didn’t feel true. Fred opened the door to the refrigerator and began stocking it with the perishable goods. It was easier to talk when he wasn’t looking at his cousin, for whatever reason. “I’m not the same anymore, though.” He said with a sigh. “Not because I’m gay, but because I’ve finally – I dunno, accepted myself?” He sounded stupid, preaching that sort of mumbo jumbo. “Also, I got responsible and everything, you know. Dad doesn’t like it when cashiers slack off, especially not when those cashiers happen to be his own son.” His dad was the jokester, but he did not joke when it came to his business. Probably because it was the last piece he had go his dead brother. Shit, Fred was getting really good at this psychoanalysis stuff. “I don’t believe you’ve had a job for the whole time since we last talked.” Fred said with a snort. James wasn’t that motivated. Fred cleared his throat, continuing to stare inside the refrigerator even though there was nothing left to put into it.

@jams