burden your mouth with what you say [susan]

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It had been eleven days exactly since Lysander had gone blind, and he was just now beginning to hate it. His tumble down the stairs had left him with an eye that felt even more swollen and puffy than usual, and his ankle continued to smart, probably because he refused to go back to the hospital wing and have them lecture him about how he hadn’t obeyed their directions to have a friend escort him back to the tower. That had been four days ago, and Lysander was beginning to worry even more than usual. The fact that it was still hurting indicated to him that the ankle was either sprained or broken, and as much as he wanted to avoid the hospital wing, he wanted to avoid doing permanent damage to his body. It was hard enough to walk with a cane. It would be even harder to walk with a cane and a permanently hobbled foot. He was just about to gather up the courage to venture out of the Ravenclaw common room when Lysander heard a noise at the entrance. The bad thing about being blind was that every noise seemed to scare him now, and he brandished his cane like a weapon. “Who’s there!?”

@susanvictoria

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Susan had begun her process of transforming into an Animagus; the mandrake leaf had been under her tongue almost ten days now, and she was finally able to talk with only a slightly noticeable lisp. There was only one person who would most likely notice a difference, and that was Lysander. Fortunately, he was still in the Hospital Wing after being released from Saint Mungos, or so she thought.


As she answered the riddle from the eagle knocker and opened the door, she heard someone call out and froze. Sander was there, brandishing his cane like a madman. “Sander, it’s just me, Susan,” she said, trying to sound as casual as possible. She’d heard how unhappy he was about his current predicament, and she wasn’t sure how he’d react.

@lysander

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Sander furrowed his brow when cotton-colored words floated to his ears. Susan announced herself, but she sounded…annoyed with him? She definitely sounded different than usual, and Lysander couldn’t place it. He lowered his cane slowly, though he clutched it close to him even when it was lowered. It was silly, but his cane had become a sort of security blanket for Lysander, the only thing separating him from a world of total darkness and unknown. “Well I can’t see that.” Sander replied, his voice admirably steady for someone who was confused and scared as he was. The latter emotion was definitely an undercurrent in his voice, so Sander decided to keep talking, hoping that Susan wouldn’t question why he was so terrified if she had something else to distract her. “You sound different.” He sounded equally terrified, mostly because Lysander was terrified of what the answer to that statement would be – maybe Susan would be horribly frank with him and tell him that she didn’t want to be friends with a blind boy.

@susanvictoria

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Susan balked at Lysanders comment of her sounding different. Just a few minutes ago she had been with Andromeda, the only other soul aside from Zander and Braelynn that knew she was going to be trying to become an Animagus in the next few months. She had reassured Susan several times that she didn’t sound like there was a Mandrake leaf under her tongue, but perhaps with Sander’s blindness he was more in tune with his other senses. Still, she wasn’t quite ready to tell him about this endeavor yet; what if something went wrong? “Do I? Nothing’s changed about me yet,” she said, sounding cheerful as possible. “How are you doing? Has there been anything the nurses think can be done?” she asked him hopefully. She knew how awful it must be to be an aspiring Magizoologist and all of a sudden go blind - he couldn’t see the beasts he worked with now.


@lysander

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Susan brushed off Sander’s comment about sounding different, and then said that nothing had changed about her – yet. When things did change, what was going to happen to him? Worse, what was going to happen to them? Lysander knew that blindness didn’t have to spell the end of everything, but worry crept into his brain like a fungus, eating up all of his hope. “There are things they can do.” Sander said slowly. “But none of them would be the same.” He blew out a slow breath. “I don’t want to make a decision now that I’m going to regret in ten years’ time.” He didn’t want to look in a mirror in ten years and be able to see, but see a person that he didn’t recognize. “My mother came to visit. She said that I should do what I think is best, but…” But he didn’t know what was best. Sander swallowed. “I don’t want to forget the world, but I want even less to forget myself.” Why the two became so hopelessly intertwined in his head, Sander didn’t know, but for the first time in his life, he was scared to search for answers.

@susanvictoria

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Susan was silent as Lysander tried to explain what his options were; he was being vague and she wondered if it was on purpose because he was scared of making the wrong decision in the end. She knew that in the Muggle world there were experimental surgeries for those who had gone blind to try and restore sight, but they were rarely successful. She wasn’t even sure more than two or three people had successfully regained sight from them, and if so they likely had needed to use glasses for the rest of their lives. Susan smiled softly as Sander talked about his mothers’ visit; Sander had always been so close to her that she was sure the visit had cheered him up a little bit. “How long do the doctors say you have until you need to make this decision?” she asked him. She didn’t know if he had a deadline, but it would make sense to Susan; wait too long to try anything and it might be too late.

@lysander

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Susan asked how long he had to make the decision, and Sander knew the answer off the top of his head. “Until Christmastime.” He said simply. Which meant that he was going to be buying gifts he couldn’t see, all the while wondering if he ought to be able to see them again. And there were so many things that he wanted to see still. His parents had taken him around the world, but he hadn’t seen the entire world, not yet. But for every reason that there was to go forth and get a magical eye implemented, there was a reason to stay blind, too. Sander didn’t want to make the decision out of fear, not really. He wanted to be happy with his choice, not feel like he was forced into it. “So that might give me a reason not to go to the Yule Ball.” Because goodness knew Lysander needed a reason or two to avoid what was sure to be a bunch of people gazing soppily at each other while he waited on the side, unsure if anyone would want to dance with him.

@susanvictoria

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Susan nodded, and reminded herself that Lysander couldn't see her nod, so it didn't do her any good to remain silent. "Well that's about a month give or take a few days, so you have plenty of time to weigh the pros and cons," she said out loud.  To her, the choice was clear; try whatever the Healers were suggesting to make him see again.  What was there to regret?  Though in fairness Susan did not have his synthesia ability; she didn't know how it was affecting that either.  "Can you still...hear colors Sander?" she asked him, curious now to hear if his blindness had hindered his ability too.  She shuffled a little when he mentioned the Yule Ball; she was planning on surprising Andromeda with a guest appearance from Phil, who was not expected to be home for Christmas to her knowledge.  "Andy and I are going as friends; Casey is working that night," Susan offered to him.  "What about Alice?  Perhaps she'd want you to be there if she ends up attending?" she suggested.  Alice Longbottom was currently an aspiring magizoologist, but as the Headmasters' daughter she was sure if Alice wanted to come she could.


@lysander

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Susan was right in saying that he had time. It felt like too much and too little at the same time. He wanted to ponder this question forever, but he also wanted to be stuck with decision, whatever it was, so that he could move on with his life. “I can.” He confirmed when Susan asked if he could still hear colors. “Which is why I don’t think it would be so bad, to be blind forever. At least I’d have colors.”

Alice. Thinking about Alice nearly tore Sander in two. Of course she’d want to see him, but he wanted to see her, too. He wanted to see, damnit! But he wanted to take his time. His original reaction had been to vehemently reject the magical eyes, and Lysander wanted to figure out why he had acted that way before going against his first instincts, especially since he normally considered his instincts good ones. Sander took a deep breath, and then nodded. “I don’t think she’ll be there.” Which wasn’t wrong. Alice didn’t have a Ministry job, and just because her father was the headmaster didn’t meant that she was going to attend. “But perhaps I’ll go for a little while.” If he didn’t like it, it wasn’t like he was going with anyone – it would be easy to duck out, and he wouldn’t have to worry about leaving someone else alone because of him.

@susanvictoria

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“Ah, that makes a difference then,” Susan said when Lysander confirmed that he could still hear colors. She knew how important that was to him; if he’d lost it then she knew the decision would have been quick and easy. “But...then you wouldn’t be able to see your magical creatures; I know how much they mean to you Sander,” Susan then pointed out, realizing that she hadn’t made that point yet. Perhaps she had been surprised by his sudden appearance she had forgotten the most important thing of all; Lysander wanted to follow in his parents’ footsteps. He even had a strong pull towards horses of all sorts; how would being blind effect that? He couldn’t very well visually study and new and exciting magical creatures he discovered. He’d always have to have a partner, and while Alice was also a magizoologist, sometimes one wanted to revel in a solo discovery.

“Oh, that’s unfortunate. I thought perhaps she would be able to attend due to being the Headmasters daughter; I’m sure if he wanted to see her, she’d be allowed to come. After all, home now is technically at Hogwarts,” Susan explained. With both her parents working at Hogwarts, Alice had more of a reason than ever to visit Hogwarts. Sure she still had the Leaky Cauldron, but was that really home without either Longbottom parent? “You should go for a little while; I was helping Gaius plan out some of the extras the other night. I think we have some brilliant things planned,” she added enthusiastically. She really was anxious to find out if the Headmaster would okay her and the Head Boys’ ideas; both had been very excited when mapping them out.

@lysander

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Sander nodded. “It does.” He had only remembered the color of his mother’s eyes because it matched her voice so astoundingly well, and while there were some colors that normally annoyed him to hear, in the interest of keeping a full palette, Sander would probably still listen to them. “It’s not the magical creatures I’m going to miss.” Lysander said quietly. “I want to see the world.” There was always more of the world to see, after all. “And I want to see the faces of the people I love.” He wanted to see Alice’s face, and Lorcan’s, and Susan’s, and his mother’s. It was strange, how much something as simple as a face could mean when you couldn’t see them anymore.

“I know, but Alice had never struck me as the kind to enjoy parties.” Lysander hadn’t ever heard her express any inclination towards them, at least. Besides, there were other things to be doing on Christmas – the only reason Hogwarts was in such a tizzy about it was because the students rarely had a chance to do anything that was both party-like and school-sanctioned. A chance to dress up and dance with a significant other was a rare one. “I’ll go. Though I might have to go in my regular robes.” Sander wasn’t going to go through the hassle of dress robes if he could avoid it, especially since he wouldn’t even be able to see the difference.

@susanvictoria

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Susan smiled a little at Lysanders' comment. "The world is a beautiful place to see, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to see it all," she said softly. They were only seventeen after all, far too young to have been able to see everything they desired. Of course, with Lysanders' parents being magizoologists, he'd probably seen a fair share more of the world than some of their classmates, but there was always something more to discover. Another city, another castle ruin, even another jungle.

At his comment of wearing regular robes, Susan shook her head and clucked her tongue in disapproval.  "I simply cannot allow that Sander; I will pick out dress robes for you," she declared, not letting him say otherwise.  No friend of Susan Windsors would attend a ball looking like a plain Joe or Jane just coming off the streets;  not if she had anything to say about it at least.  "Out of curiosity, if you could see anywhere in the world you've never seen before, where would you go?" she asked.


@lysander

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Susan offered to pick out his dress robes, and Sander was caught between frowning and laughing, so he did a little bit of both. “Please try to find one without buttons.” He requested. Buttons were hard enough with eyes, but without them, he was helpless. When it came to what he wanted to see, Lysander took pause. “I’d have liked to see a castle.” Sander answered. “I’ve never been to a whole one before.” Susan had a castle – well, her family had a castle – but Sander didn’t want to say specifically that he would have liked to see that one. It felt too much like a guilt trip, like he blamed her for not showing him before he couldn’t see at all. “But…anywhere, really.” He wanted to see everywhere, and if he had known he was going to lose his sight, Sander wasn’t sure if he’d have been able to choose the last place he’d ever see. He wouldn’t even be able to choose the last face he wanted to see, and faces were definitely more finite than places. Or – maybe he could. There were three faces that he loved the most in the world: his mother’s, Alice’s, and Susan’s. His mother wouldn’t mind if he picked someone else, and he had a part of her face with him still, since her voice was the color of her eyes. And Alice – something about Alice made Sander think that she wouldn’t want to be the last thing that he saw. But Susan… If he had lived to be a hundred he wouldn’t have seen her smile enough times, and she would have been just fine being the last face he saw. But she wasn’t. That was Rose, and there was no way to change that.

@susanvictoria

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Susan laughed along with Lysander; it was nice to hear him laugh since he was going through such a tough time. "No buttons got it. Just a pullover dress robe, I'm thinking you'd do well in a deep blue or green. Maybe red even, like a burgundy. Do you have a preference?" she asked as she studied her friend, determining his color pallette so she could pick out the right color for him.  If he couldn't see it by the time Yule Ball came, at least he'd look good to everyone else.

When Lysander mentioned how he had always wanted to see a castle, an idea began stirring in Susan's mind.  So he wanted to see a castle, did he?  Well, Susan just happened to be a part of the royal family, which meant that she had access to plenty of castles.  Perhaps that would persuade him to want to go for the magical eye over remaining blind for the rest of his life.  "Tell you what," she said, bouncing on her toes a little.  "You go and get the surgery for the magical eye, and this summer we'll plan a grand tour of the Royal family castles.  Every single one of them you'll get to see.  They're all different too, so it's not like you just go from same structured castle to another.  They were all created by different lords and dukes and whatnot to show up the other, so it's a lot of fun seeing the differences," she explained, wondering if he'd take to the idea.


@lysander

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Sander nodded when Susan confirmed that she would get him dress robes without any buttons. She mused about color choices, but Sander immediately knew which he wanted. “Blue.” He said confidently. “I hate red.” Well, hate was a bit of a strong word, but he definitely preferred the cooler end of the spectrum of colors, unless it was the color of a food. “Besides, Lorcan’s probably going to be wearing scarlet or something, so I want to be wearing something totally different from him.” And if he did get a magical eye, it was probably going to be blue, too, so he didn’t want any clashing colors. Rather, he wouldn't want Susan to be complicit in clashing colors, since Sander didn't care.

“How many castles are there?” Sander asked curiously. The way Susan was talking about it, it seemed like there were quite a few castles, more than a dozen. It wasn’t like the exact number of castles was the make-or-break factor in whether or not Sander would get the eye to see them, but he still wanted to know the answer.

@susanvictoria