i'm holding out for a hero [anna]

[Deleted]

Oscar would be lying if he said he wasn't the jealous type. he was most certainly the jealous type - he had just been trying to be better about it, especially because he worried his jealousy was going to cause him to lose Anna. When she had first started disappearing, he had written it off as Tournament-related meetings, different practice sessions she went off to with her professors so that she could be prepared. Then Oscar realized that most of the time, she wasn't going to see professors; she was going to see other students. And when he looked a little harder, Oscar began to think that he saw Anna commiserating with one student more than any of the rest of them. That was fine. She was allowed to have friends. But she wasn't allowed to have male friends that she snuck off to see at odd hours, and Oscar wanted an explanation. He had written Anna a rather curt letter asking her to meet him in the third floor corridor so that he could get to the bottom of this. Oscar tried his best not to be jealous, but there reached a point where his jealousy was justified, and this was that point. He wanted an explanation.

@annelise

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Anna was surprised when she got an owl from Oscar, asking her to meet him on the third floor. Really, that was all it said and she didn't know what was going on. If he wanted to talk to her, why didn't he just pull her aside during a mealtime or something? It wasn't like they didn't see one another every day or something. So she was curious and a little nervous, but not really. What did she have to be nervous about? Oscar was her boyfriend. She loved him and he knew that, so what else was there to worry about? Nothing. She made it to the third floor a little early and smiled, satisfied that she wasn't going to be late for once. After all, it wasn't every day that he asked her to meet him. She wanted to make sure he didn't have to wonder whether or not she would show up. She looked around for him, ready to find out what this was all about.

@oscar

[Deleted]

When Oscar made his way up to the third floor corridor, he tried not to let his anger show in the way he walked, but it was near impossible. He was practically stalking along, and only slowed a little bit when he saw Anna. He loved that girl, loved her so much that the idea of her loving anyone else was enough to make him practically shake with anger. Oscar tried to take a deep breath, to remind himself that he was doing this because he loved Anna, not because he hated her, and managed to slow to something akin to a speed walk. He stepped in front of Anna, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I am confused, Anna.” Oscar said, though his voice definitely sounded more angry than confused. “Where have you been going?” He asked her before she could get a word in edgewise. “Are you going to see another boy?” The green-eyed monster in Oscar was waking up. The funny thing about jealousy was that, once awoken, it was difficult to get back to sleep.

@annelise

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From the second he came into view, it was obvious that Oscar was angry. The only question was: why? Was he angry at another student and something that may have happened, or was he angry with her? The second the thought occurred to her, Anna dismissed it. Why would Oscar be mad at her? It wasn't like she'd done anything wrong. When he reached her, though, he didn't greet her like he normally did and Anna realized that he was mad at her. Why? He crossed his arms, clearly in a defensive pose and Anna waited for whatever was about to happen. He said he was confused, but his tone was angry and the next thing Anna knew, he was asking where she'd been and if she was seeing another boy. Anna's eyebrows furrowed into a confused expression. Seeing another boy? Where did that come from? "Of course I'm not seeing someone else," she told him instantly, her voice completely serious. "What are you talking about, Oscar? What do you mean "where have I been going"?" Anna didn't know how to answer his first question. Apparently he was angry at her, but Anna still didn't understand why.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Anna seemed confused by his questions, and Oscar couldn’t tell whether the confusion was genuine or Anna was an amazing actress. She asked him a question in return, and Oscar had to take a moment to gather his thoughts and beat back his anger for a few moments so that he could answer he coherently. “You keep leaving!” He accused. Realizing he had been loud, and not wanting to make that big of a scene, Oscar lowered his voice in volume but not in intensity. “You keep going to things, and there is always a boy there.” Oscar which that he knew the boy’s name so he had someplace to direct his hatred and anger, but he didn’t even know which Hogwarts house the boy belonged to, let alone what his name was. “And you sneak off in the middle of things, when you think no one is looking, to talk to him!” Oscar couldn’t fathom a reason why Anna would be sneaking at all, let alone sneaking off with a boy, that didn’t involve something that spelled a very, very bad end to their relationship.

@annelise

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Anna didn't want to get angry, but it was hard when Oscar's anger was directed entirely at her and when it was completely unjustified. So she couldn't leave and talk with her friends now? So he didn't trust her? After all the time she spent alone with him, after her telling him how she felt about him, he still thought she that kind of person? Righteous indignation flared in her. "Am I not allowed to talk to people now?" she asked, her tone hard while her voice remained steady and dangerously calm. Gone was her almost ever-present smile. "I thought you trusted me! Do you really think that I would go off with someone and ... and cheat on you? After I told you that I love you? And knowing that I've never been in another relationship with anyone ever? Is that the kind of person you think I am?" Anna demanded. Sure, she could answer his questions, but at the moment she was asking some of her own and she felt like they were pretty important ones to ask. She bit her lip and turned away from him for a moment, trying to force herself to calm down.

She didn't know how long it took her to calm down. When she spoke again, her voice was hard but not as angry as before. "His name is Ranger Lloyd. We've been best friends since our first year. That year we both thought we liked one another, but nothing happened with us and we've been friends ever since. His parents died this summer and he's been going through a hard time. He's dating my cousin and he and I are in charge of a ... secret club." She turned to face him, her eyes blazing, though they were more wet than Anna wanted them to be. "All of this I would have told you if you asked me. I wish you trusted me." Honestly, if she would have thought about it, she would have told Oscar about Ranger anyway, but she hadn't and now she was angry and confused and just wanted to leave, but she wouldn't. As angry as she was at him, Anna still couldn't stand the thought of losing him.  

@oscar

[Deleted]

Oscar just glared at Anna when she asked if she wasn’t allowed to talk to people anymore. Of course she was allowed to talk to people, but she wasn’t allowed to talk to boys, alone, in secret, without ever explaining to him why she was always sneaking off! Oscar was opening his mouth to respond when Anna continued ranting about trusting her. That wasn’t what this about! At least Oscar didn’t think that was what it was about, it was just that – well, she shouldn’t be – ugh. Oscar was beginning to get confused and Anna was still talking at him about Ranger Lloyd, who he didn’t really care all that much about as long as he stayed away from Anna. Oscar rolled his eyes when Anna started making excuses for him. So Ranger had lost his parents – well, Oscar had been there too! “Well how was I supposed to ask you if you were never around?” Oscar snipped. It wasn’t a fair jibe, but he had made it, and now Oscar was bracing for another wall of angry words.

@annelise

[Deleted]

Of course he wouldn't answer her questions. Just glare and roll his eyes at her like it was all her fault. But it wasn't! Sure, Anna was talking with Ranger more lately, trying to plan a Phoenix Rising meeting, but even that didn't take priority over Oscar. It probably should but it didn't. And now he was blaming her for not spending time with him, which hurt more than Anna wanted to admit. She glared at him, hoping Oscar wouldn't see the pain in her eyes.

Anna wanted to take a few seconds to decide what she wanted to say, but she was too angry. So she gave in to her emotions and let the words come. If he was going to be a brat, she wasn't going to hold anything back. She looked straight into Oscar's eyes, her gaze fierce and furious. "I would drop anything for you, to spend time with you," She finally exclaimed in a low voice, full of emotion. "I already spend my mealtimes with you, along with any other time I can manage. And don't think I'm complaining about it because I'm happy to do that. I want to be with you." There. Now Oscar should know how much of a priority he was to her, just in case he was doubting that. Not that it made her any less angry at the way he was behaving: like a child. Anna's tone hardened and her eyes narrowed as she continued. "Heck, you see more of me than anyone else in this castle, Oscar. Couldn't you find time to tell me that you're upset about something before it comes to this, where you explode at me? I just- you know what, I can't do this right now. Come find me when you're ready to actually talk." Anna closed her mouth, despite the fact that there were so many other things she wanted to say, and spun on her heel, walking away from him sharply.

She was surprised when she realized her body was shaking. She couldn't remember a time when she'd been so mad at anyone before. How dare he accuse her of "seeing" someone else? How dare he ignore her questions, like her concerns were inferior to his? She hated this, hated fighting with him, hating being angry with him, but how else was she supposed to respond? She hadn't done anything wrong.

As she walked away, Anna couldn't help but admit to herself that she wanted him to come after her. Not that she expected it, but that was what she wanted. She couldn't believe they were fighting over something so stupid.

[Deleted]

Okay, so Oscar had been wrong. But backing down from a fight seemed cowardly, even if he was beginning to feel guilty for his crack at Anna. She did spend an awful lot of time with him. When she asked him if he could tell her he was upset before it got to the point of explosion, Oscar opened his mouth, and then shut it. Because the answer, really, was no, but if he told Anna that, how was she going to take it? He had run away from her before without an explanation, and they hadn’t really talked about that. There was a lot of stuff that they didn’t talk about. And even though they spent a lot of time together, Anna didn’t see the bad sides of him. The times he burst into tears because something reminded him of his mothers or Caden, the times he snapped at people because he didn’t know how to process his anger, or his grief, or anything. She got the shiny Oscar, the good Oscar, and he didn’t know if she was going to stick around when he told her was only a part of him. But he was going to tell her anyways, because that was what she wanted to know, really. Oscar didn’t hesitate to follow her, but did hesitate to touch her. “Anna.” He said, hoping that she would turn around. “I did not tell you I was upset because I did not know how.” Oscar took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything else, hoping that Anna would ask him questions that he could answer instead of him having to monologue to her about how broken he was inside or something equally melodramatic.

@annelise

[Deleted]

Once again, he said nothing. Not that Anna really gave him the chance, but she still thought he'd defend himself at least. Say something, whether or not it diffused the tension. Apparently not. As she strode away, she could hear footsteps behind her and hoped it was Oscar. Then he said her name and Anna froze, closing her eyes. He didn't sound angry anymore, more calm and she was at least ready to listen, though she wasn't sure if she wanted him to know that yet. Despite the fact that his voice was anger-free, Anna's adrenaline was still rushing from their argument. Then he said he didn't know how to tell her he was upset and Anna turned around, looking straight into his eyes.

She didn't want to make him upset, but she had to ask this or she wouldn't be able to sleep at all tonight. Besides, she didn't want to jump the gun and assume he was ready to talk about things when he might not be. "Are you really mad at me or is this about something else?"Her voice wasn't angry anymore. Rather, it was more serious and concerned.

Then her mind flashed back to the other day when they'd been working on Patronus' and Oscar left abruptly. She couldn't help but ask about it. "Why did you run away the other day? Did ... did I do something wrong?" Anna wanted to touch him, to reach out and hold his hand in the least, but she was nervous he would leave again if she did. So she kept to herself, hoping that he would open up to her somehow because she didn't know how to help with that.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Anna stopped walking away from him, which was better than Oscar had expected. She asked if he was actually mad at her, or if it was something else, and Oscar was at a loss for words. He thought that he was mad at Anna, but it was also totally possible that he was just throwing his anger at her because she was the only person who he had that he could throw anger at. The question confused Oscar, which helped dull whatever anger was left in him, but also made him feel…disgusted. With himself, for not knowing his own mind and heart enough to know the answer.

Anna asked another question, but at least one he could answer. It was about how he had run away from her when they were practicing their Patronuses, which Oscar had expected to come up eventually, but not like this, in the middle of an argument. “I don’t have a happy memory.” Oscar responded as evenly as he could. He didn’t want to guilt Anna, or make her think that his jealousy was somehow warranted just because he was hurting. “I love you, but even with you, I cannot deny that I have lost everything else.” He could only hope that Anna understood what that meant.

@annelise

[Deleted]

Why was he not answering any of her questions today? It was like he got angry at her for something that wasn't even an issue and now that she was asking things, he just didn't want to answer her! Anna tried to let it go and not be upset, but her posture was still tense and she still wasn't smiling. Anyone who saw them might think she was concerned or something like that, but no. She was still angry. Holding it in and definitely not trying to make things worse with Oscar than they already were, but she was mad.

And then he had to go off and say something like that! That he didn't have a happy memory and that he'd lost everything. Really, that wasn't fair. How was she supposed to stay angry with him when he was bringing up things like that. Then again, maybe Anna was being insensitive. She shook her head slowly. He had happy memories. Maybe not enough for a Patronus, but that didn't matter. She wanted to help him know that despite his pain, he could still find happiness, but how was she supposed to do that? She felt her heart soften toward him as the majority of her anger slowly dissipated. "Oscar," she said softly, reaching forward to take his hand and hoping that he would let her. "I don't know what to do. I know you're hurting and I wish I could help, but I don't know how." She paused, trying to figure out how to put her thoughts into words. "If you need someone to talk to, or someone to just be with you, please know that I won't judge you for any of it. I love you and I want to help in any way I can." What was she saying? Really, Anna just felt like she was rambling, so she stopped and just looked down at their hands nervously. She didn't know what to do anymore.

@oscar

[Deleted]

Oscar allowed Anna to take his hands in hers, squeezing them softly and trying to ignore the way his stomach was churning uncomfortably. He was supposed to be looking at Anna, he knew, because you were supposed to look at people when you were talking to them, especially when you were talking to them about something important like this, but Oscar didn’t trust himself not to cry if he looked at her. “I do not know how to let you help.” He told her quietly. Letting people in hadn’t been his strong suit for some time. Anna was the one person who had gotten through the crack in his armor, and there were some days that he regretted that. Oscar squeezed Anna’s hands again, trying to leech some sort of strength out of her while she was standing there, in front of him. “I would talk to you, but I do not have words. It is…pain I hope you never have to feel, Anna, but is pain.” He sighed at her. “I love you, but there is always pain in the way of that.” Oscar finally managed to look at Anna instead of at the floor. “I hope you understand.”

@annelise

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Oscar let her take his hands, he even squeezed hers back, but he wasn't looking at her and that wasn't a good sign, was it? He said he didn't know how to let her help and Anna didn't know what to say. Really, she couldn't understand what he'd gone through in his life. She wanted to help, but she hadn't lost people like he had. Anna listened as he expressed that he couldn't describe the pain, that he didn't know how to talk to her about this and that the pain was in the way of everything. What was she supposed to say to that? He finally looked up at her and Anna searched for something to say. "I'm trying to understand," she told him. Realistically, she couldn't understand his pain, but she could understand that he was in pain and try to be patient. Would that be enough?

@oscar

[Deleted]

Oscar sighed. He did not like the way the conversation had ended, but he wasn’t sure what else there was for him to say. He released Anna’s hands for a moment, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “I am sorry, Anna.” And he was sorry. For being jealous, for not being able to express himself, for…everything else that he didn’t know how to apologize for. “I will…go.” He squeezed Anna more tightly for a moment, and then released a soft breath now. “I will see you soon, Anna.” Oscar told her quietly, letting go of Anna and then turning away. He was sure they would talk more later, but for now, distance would probably be a good thing.

@annelise
(the end)