You make it so hard not to love you. (Irina)

[Deleted]

It was cold.

Normally Dan didn't mind cold, but right now it was seeping into his blood and bones and making him feel like he was completely frozen. He didn't go back inside, though. It was early evening, before dinnertime, the last day of November. Dan had taken a walk to get away from the feelings of the castle and the ship. The winter had a way of sucking the happiness out of people, due to the lack of vitamin D that the sun provided. He knew it wasn't all their fault, but that didn't mean that he didn't get the winter blues ten times worse when he had to be around it for execessive amounts of time.

He also felt like he hadn't made enough time for himself since getting involved with Irina. He hadn't coped with his ability the same way that he used to. Sure, he had her now, so he didn't need to get away as much. But he still needed it more than he was allowing himself. That's why it was hard for him to get involved with people, he recalled. He forget himself too much and would crack if he wasn't careful. And he hadn't been careful since that first snow fall.

His mind wandered back to that day. How warm she was, how her skin felt against his, how her lips tasted like hot chocolate. She was a miracle, and that day was just one manifistaion of that. A beautiful one. She made it hard to think about anything else. He tried, but she'd come right back into his head. He didn't know if that was healthy or not but he didn't really care, he loved it either way. Loved her either way. Still, he wondered if he was letting himself go too much.

He'd thought about a future with her, of course, and he had no doubts that it would happen. That this was the girl he'd be with for the rest of his life. It was a scary thought, especially for Dan. How could he stand to share his burdens with someone forever? They didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that.

He shrugged his shoulders up toward his ears, trying to keep the cold out. It was snowing heavily now, might even turn into a blizzard, but he kept walking. He was bundled up in his coat, scarf and hat, but that didn't do much good. It was almost like being back in Bulgaria, which was a good and bad thing. He found himself wandering toward the quidditch pitch and then walking up the stands, finding himself at the top. The stands were covered in snow, but he took a seat, staring out at the castle not far off. Irina was probably in there, maybe wondering where he was. Ripley was probably somewhere in there too, maybe sneaking around with her secret crush. Tania was there too, maybe sitting with friends or all alone, sad and helpless. He felt his heart hurt thinking about each one of them, and how he didn't know what to do for those girls.

Then Nik crossed his mind and he felt a rock in his throat. His best friend, going through this baby thing with Magi but so far away from him. Dan felt his eyes sting and he closed them tightly for a moment. A part of him felt like he was just kidding himself thinking that he was really a part of this family. Especially a part of Irina. She deserved someone who could hold her when she had those bad dreams without freaking out. Someone who was always warm, smiling, and willing to be there for her no matter what. Was he really that person? Could he be? In this specific moment he doubted himself. He doubted that he could be what anyone needed. Not Tania, not Ripley, not Ced, not Louisa, not Magi and not Irina. Defintely not Irina.

He bowed his head down to his knees and took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. But instead of calm coming out with the exhale, it was tears.

Irina Rose Krum
(we'll end this one before the 1st <3)

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina had been in the Owlery when the snow started coming down. She had finished her letter to Nikolai and was debating whether or not Arthur was up to the journey. Still, her steadfastly faithful eagle owl had taken off from his perch when she entered the circular stone room and landed on her shoulder, leg held out to tie the letter on. She had asked if he was sure he was up for the journey and he had nipped her finger affectionately before taking off. She went to the window and watched him disappear into the snowy sky. The snow had begun to come down harder now; she tucked her Gryffindor scarf into her cloak more snugly as she watched the snow fall with a small smile on her face. A flash of red caught her attention; she looked down, hoping she wasn’t about to witness a massacre of a predator to its’ prey. Thankfully, it looked like a person, a Durmstrang student from the blood red of the cloak. Immediately, Irina wondered if it was Dan, and immediately cursed herself. No matter how many times her friends and sisters reassured her that they knew it was their ‘honeymoon period’, Irina still felt a smattering of guilt for the amount of time she spent with Dan. She knew it was a lot, but mostly she didn’t care. She knew that once Adrian and Lily got over their stubborn denial she’d rarely see them apart, and Anna was already attached at the hip with Oscar. While she still wasn’t all that close with Andy, she knew how much Phil adored her and she’d get an evening of catch up with the both of them before they were off in their own world. Still, that teensy bit of guilt was still there.


Irina was always curious by nature, and she couldn’t help herself by following the red cloaked figure, but from a distance. She didn’t want to startle them, and if it did happen to be her boyfriend, he’d sense her curiosity if she got much closer. The figure made their way to the Quidditch Pitch, and Irina continued to follow, stopping underneath one of the tents to blow on her hands. Of course she had forgotten her gloves in the Common Room, where there was a nice warm roaring fire….but she had come this far, her curiosity needed to be satiated. She took the steps up the stands carefully after the person, watching for small patches of ice and snow that had been blown in by the wind. Finally, she reached the top where the person was sitting. From behind she could see the dark curls and realized that it was her boyfriend. She stopped though, the smile that had begun to creep into her lips frozen. Something was wrong; he was hunched over as though in prayer. Knowing he’d already sensed her emotions, instead of moving forward, Irina kept her distance, waiting for him to make the first move.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Suddenly the roaring in his ears was broken, and he could feel a small whisper fluttering toward him like one of the snowflakes. Irina. She was behind him. She was worried. He didn't lift his head right away, trying to decide if he was going to pretend that he didn't notice her. That flicker of her worry and concern made his tears come out even more. He didn't want her to see him cry. Again. But his shoulders were starting to shake with the sobs. Wait, wait, he was sobbing now? Oh, great. Now she would definitely know that she was crying.

He lifted his head a little, just enough so that he could talk. "You can come over here," he said, but then he lowered his forehead back to his knees again. He didn't bother to try to stop crying, that was a waist of time and would just give him a migraine. His arms were wrapped around the middle of his torso and his knees were close together, as if he was trying to make himself as small as possible.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina watched as his shoulders began to shake; she wanted to rush over to him and tell him everything was going to be alright. But she was rooted to the spot; that logistical sensible side of her screaming a reminder in her ear how bad Dan could get if she got too close before he was ready. Whatever was making him so upset would likely make him lash out at her, even if he didn’t mean it. Luckily, Irina was made of tougher things than feathers; the amount of sparring she’d done with Nikolai had in a way prepared her for unintentional snaps.


The minute he spoke though, the second he lifted his head, the invisible force rooting Irina to her place disappeared. In a heartbeat she was over, crouching there next to him. She saw his face, though he tried to hide. She saw the tears falling from his eyes onto his pale cheeks. And her heart melted. Still, she did not speak. Instead, forgetting her cold hands, she moved to sit next to him and wrapped her arms around his bent form. She gently rested her head on top of his and closed her eyes, just listening to the wind whistling around them, whipping her dark hair in front of her face. And so she sat there, just holding him, her emotions calm but sympathetic, mixed of course with a little curiosity as to what was going on.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Dan knew she'd come quickly and she did, suddenly crouching beside him as if she'd apparated there. He almost looked up, but he didn't yet. She moved to sit next to him and wrapped her arms around him and suddenly he felt one hundred times warmer. He cried even more, feeling like everything was melting out of him. All of his fears, his insecurities, his worry. It was all rushing out in a flood of tears and he found himself leaning into her. He felt her emotions, of course, but he tried to focus on her warmth instead.

After a while, he looked up just a little, just to glance at her hands. "Oh," he muttered, sitting up and moving to lift her arm off of him. He attempted to wrap his cloak around the both of them, holding her hands in his and hating how cold they were. He tried not to blame himself for that. She could have grabbed her gloves, that wasn't his fault.

He finally looked over at her face, his own bright red and sniffling. "Hi," he said softly. He focused on those eyes and he thought it would center him but they didn't. He just loved her so much, so much that another sobbing sound came out of his mouth and he bowed his head again, but not all the way to his knees this time.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina couldn't help but feel her heart hurt for the man in her arms. She didn't know what was making him cry like this but all she wanted to do was take away whatever it was and make it all better. Or beat the living daylights out of whoever was causing this. But what if, she wondered, it was her? Perhaps it was partly her, perhaps it had nothing to do with her whatsoever. She just didn't know.

She couldn't help but let out a light laugh as he noticed her hands, red and slightly chapped from the cold and took them in his. "They'll survive," she said, finally speaking for the first time. She watched him as he lifted his face, red faced and tear stained and said another one syllable word to her. "Hi babe," she responded softly, giving him a small smile. Those brilliantly blue eyes of his swam with tears again; Rina hated seeing him like this. But she didn't ask him what was the matter for she knew he would tell her when he could. She just squeezed his hands tight as he bowed his head down, her own head bent slightly forward to escape the worst of the wind.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Dan was happy to hear that little laugh come out of her lips. That was a good sound. A familiar sound. He could find a home in that sound.

She spoke, and her voice was like a warm blanket. She said hi back, and that was part of the reason the tears came back. It was so sweet, so gentle, so loving that it just reminded him about how worthless he was to her. How horrible it was that he was the one she'd chosen to be with. He leaned forward until his cheek found her chest and his rested there, right on the warmest and softest part of her body. He cried again, even though for a moment he thought the worst of it was over. It wasn't.

After yet ANOTHER several minutes, he finally pulled back enough to look up at her face. "I can't do this anymore, Ri. I can't."

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina didn't speak while Dan cried, but she closed her eyes. She felt his head lean against her chest and she actually smiled a little bit. He seemed to find comfort there for whatever reason. She reached up and gently ran her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him.

He looked up after awhile and spoke, and Irina's fingers froze where they were. She felt her heart stop for a moment; a strange feeling of nothingness began to envelope her. She tried swallowing but found it currently impossible, her breathing grew more shallow. She willed her mind to grab ahold of itself, he could mean anything, why must she go to the negative first? After a few deep breaths, she finally looked at him, a fierce look in her eye. "Can't do what?" she asked, her tone light and even with just a hint of wary still there.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Oh no. That feeling that overcame her at his words was like going deaf. His eyes slowly widened and he shook his head, then she spoke. Asking what he couldn't do. That look in her eye was so intense that he had forgotten how to blink. How could he tell her what he was thinking? He couldn't do that to her. He couldn't hurt her. He'd never do that... but maybe a small hurt would be a bigger help?

"You deserve... not me, Ri. Come on," he swallowed hard, "look at me. Look at me," he bore his eyes into hers, still completely full of tears and just filling with more as they fell. His voice cracked when he spoke next, "I want to go home. I just want to go home"

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Okay, so technically she supposed he was not actually breaking her heart right now but it felt like it was being stabbed with a dull knife. "Why would you say something like that?" she whispered, unable to look away from his tear stained face. Why was he feeling this way? Did he regret what they did under the tree, their tree, just a few days ago? She had left him to his thoughts after as he requested - she was never one to overstay her welcome. But what if just her presence was doing just that. "Don't ever look at our relationship as something either you or I deserve, what we have is so much more than that. I love you Daniel Friedrich Hoh. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes, but then I just look at you and I'm alright." Irina felt tears pinprick her own eyes.

"You are everything to me. You're all I could ever want or hope for in my life; the idea of not being with you is....I can't even begin to imagine it." Thoughts began to run through his head. Louisa. Should she use one of the school owls to tell her to come quickly? She was so good about helping her brother and she knew how much Dan needed her sometimes. She continued to hold his gaze though as the first tear slipped down her own cheek.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Her words came out harsh and loud in his ears, even though she was whispering. He kind of wished that she'd look away from him, but he knew she wouldn't. She'd stare right into his eyes as long as she had to. His tears were worse than ever as she said that she loved him and how deserving wasn't something he should be focusing on. About how she loved him so much that it scared her but just looking at him made it all right. He felt that way too of course. Right now, somewhere, he knew everything was going to be all right because he was looking at her but for some reason that just made it all worse. His love for her just made him feel worse, and if that wasn't messed up he didn't know what was.

She went to say that he was everything to her and how she couldn't imagine not being with him. He wanted to open his mouth and say the same thing. That he believed in them and that he wanted to be with her forever, that losing her was just as unbearable to him. But his words weren't working. AGAIN. He pulled his hands out of hers because he could feel them tensing up, and he clenched his fists in his lap. He swallowed hard several times, still crying, still trying to stop himself from the small whimpering sounds that kept coming out of him every time he sniffled.

"I think somethings wrong with me," he said, reaching his hands back over to hers, "help me."

Irina Rose Krum
(I thiiiiink you should get him somewhere warm and cozy and give him chocolate 0.0)

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina sniffled a little as Dan let go of her hands, but it was only for a moment then they were back in hers again. He spoke; he needed help. Irina nodded and didn't say another word. She stood up, making him stand with her as she led him gently up the steps and back down the rickety steps of the stands, careful not to let him slip.  She tucked his hands in the crook of her arm as they made their way slowly towards the lit up castle.  She was immensely grateful the whole student body seemed to be still at dinner; while the scent of food was inviting, Irina had only one thing on her mind at that moment.  She was starting to feel scared; never in all her years of knowing Dan had he gotten like this before.  She had been happy of his love for her, but maybe his apathy was the only way he could really cope with his empathy.  The thought of him hurting like this terrified her and she didn't know if only she could be enough to help him feel better.

They made their way through secret passageways Irina had discovered through her years at Hogwarts until they reached their destination.  She brought his hands to her lips and kissed them softly before letting go.  She stood in front of the blank wall and closed her eyes.  She strode across the length of the wall three times, and opened them to see a door forming.  She breathed a sigh of relief; nobody was in the Room of Requirement at that moment and she was grateful for th at.  Taking his hands again, she walked inside and closed the door behind him.  A roaring fire greeted them in front of a long deep red couch.  She led him to it and sat him down.  "Stay here," she instructed gently.  She kissed his forehead before crossing over to the small door that had appeared on the other side.  She disappeared for a moment, then was back with a plate piled high with chocolate.  "Eat," she told him, placing it in front of him on the small table.  Chocolate would make him feel  better, then they could melt some of it down to make cocoa as well.


@daniel

[Deleted]

Dan wasn't expecting his legs to cooperate but the did, and soon he was being led by the love of his life back to the castle. They stayed silent, and he constantly kept making sure that her hands were warm. He could feel that she was scared and worried. He wanted to apologize to her, over and over and over again, but he kept quiet for now. He would let her lead him onward and see where she took him, what she thought was the best way to help. He trusted her. He didn't trust himself, no, but he trusted her.

Soon they had stopped and kissed his hands. He smiled softly, but now the warmth of the castle was making his face and especially his nose sting, because of the contrast from the cold. He shivered, waited to see what she'd do. Oh, wait, he knew this place. Soon the door was there and he took her hands as she offered them, following her inside. She led him to the couch and he sat, nodding as he was commanded to stay there. He leaned into that kiss on his forehead and waited. Soon, she was back with chocolate and he looked up at her, his eyes wrinkling at the sides, "you taste like chocolate, you know," he said softly, before taking a piece and putting it in his mouth.

It did make him feel better, but he knew that this wasn't over. Not by a long shot. He leaned forward in order to shrug off his coat and put all his outdoor gear aside for now. He turned back toward her and bit his lip, "sorry," he muttered.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina chuckled softly as Dan told her she tasted like chocolate. "I take that that's a good thing?" she said, nudging him gently. She remembered that they'd been drinking hot chocolate moments before they'd consumated their relationship; she thought it was rather sweet that he remembered that small detail.  She shrugged her own cloak off and unwrapped her scarf from her neck.  She pulled out her wand and levitated both hers and his so that they were hung out to dry by the fire.  She plucked a box of tissues from the table that had appeared and handed them to him, scooting closer so she could wrap her arm around his shoulder.  "Don't apologize my love," she said, leaning the side of her head against his.  "You're hurting and I want to make it all better.  But....I need to know what's going on up there," she told him hesitantly, gently tapping his forehead with her index finger.


@daniel

[Deleted]

He nodded, "it's a very good thing, Ri. It reminds of... well, a certain igloo," his smile was soft, not really committed. But he was happy to be with her, even know that was part of the problem. He didn't regret anything and he hoped that she understood that. He hoped that she understood that she was his whole world and he'd give anything to make being with him worthwhile for her.

She handed him a box of tissues and he nodded gratefully, forgetting that crying made your face rather snotty and unattractive as well. He used the tissues and kept them close, sure he'd need them again. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and he leaned toward her as she spoke. She tapped his head and he tried to laugh, but it didn't come out. "I don't think you should try to make it all better. I can't tell you what's wrong becuse I don't... understand it all," he said truthfully. He brought his legs up on the couch, bending his knees so he was curled up toward her.

Irina Rose Krum