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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 5, 2016 20:34:50 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2016 20:34:50 GMT -7
Jamie once again found herself on the Hogwarts grounds. The weather this December had been unpredictable, and today was no different. There were clouds overhead threatening precipitation, but Jamie couldn't be sure whether it was rain or snow. She was leaning towards the former, since she was fairly comfortable with her cloak around her shoulders, and sometimes when it snowed she still felt a chill through the garment. Just when she was considering turning back to the castle to avoid whatever was coming, the skies opened up. Jamie's first inclination was to fling the hood of her cloak over her head so she didn't get soaked, but after standing there for a moment with the rain beating down over her, Jamie gently pulled the hood back, turning her face towards the sky. The rain was cold, but Jamie felt warmth spread through her with every drop that hit her. Without realizing it, she had begun to laugh. Jamie flung her cloak off her shoulders altogether and stepped out of her shoes, digging her toes into the slightly muddy grass, and began to dance in the rain.
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 8, 2016 18:35:58 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2016 18:35:58 GMT -7
@jamie Had he known it was going to be raining out like this, Scorpius would have remembered to bring a jacket. But he hadn’t, and now he was standing at the front entrance of the castle, wondering what to do with himself. On one hand, he could retreat back to the comfort of the fire places in the common room. Unfortunately there was no fun in that, and there were too many undesirable people that he wasn’t too keen on seeing right now. The initial goal of going outside was to clear his head but it seemed like the weather was intent on deterring that.
Pondering his thoughts for a few minutes, Scorpius finally took the dive, skipping down the slippery stone steps and running out onto the grounds as fast as he could. It wasn’t as bad as he had thought it was, and rather quickly he slowed his run down to a steady walk. While it was quite chilly, being December already, the temperature coupled with the rain could have been far worse. Maybe that had been his deciding factor in attempting this little outing of his.
After walking for a few minutes, he came upon a rather strange sight. He was accustomed to seeing rather odd things happening now and again on school grounds, and with the added students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, there were even more weirdos around. “What are you doing Greyback?” He yelled over the pattering of rain. She looked like she had lost her marbles. Or maybe he had. He was out here without a jacket on after all.
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 8, 2016 18:44:03 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2016 18:44:03 GMT -7
Jamie was having fun. The rain had plastered her hair against her neck and cheeks, and her toes were beginning to feel a little cold from the rain, but it was nothing compared to the way she felt. For the first time in a long time, Jamie felt free, like there wasn’t someone standing over her shoulder and waiting to yell at her for doing something wrong. Jamie let out a soft laugh, not loud enough to be heard over the rain pounding on the ground, but loud enough to echo in her own ears. After a moment, Jamie’s laughter and the patter of the rain were joined by another sound. She turned around to see Scorpius Malfoy, soaking wet and without anything to cover him. “I’m dancing, Scorpius!” Jamie yelled back, as if that had been obvious. She didn’t even care that he had addressed her by her last name, which was quickly becoming one of her pet peeves. Jamie scooped up her cloak and ran a few steps away from her shoes and where she had been dancing so that she could see Scorpius a little better, and talk to him without having to yell all that much. “Do you want my cloak?” She asked. It would be a little small for him, and it was a little muddy from its short time on the ground, but he looked like he needed it, and Jamie wasn’t using it anyways.
@scorp
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 8, 2016 19:48:58 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2016 19:48:58 GMT -7
@jamie He had a hard time holding a chuckle back as she said she was dancing. He could tell. For some reason he had thought he was going to get an explanation of why she was dancing, but the obvious answer was fine too. It took a little bit to remember that he didn’t need to be in prefect mode all the time, and asking direct questions like that wasn’t exactly necessary nor conducive to the situation.
The rain was coming down harder now, and Scorpius stood still, watching Jamie continue to spin around and dance. It was oddly fun to watch. He was kind of jealous, in a way. She looked like she was thoroughly enjoying herself, something that he seemed to be lacking as of late. The last month hadn’t been the kindest to him.
Jamie scooped up her jacket and headed in his direction, offering it to him. He laughed. “I’m good. Thanks though.” Looking down at his shirt, he realized how soaked through he actually was. Any kind of jacket would only deter the rain for a little longer and not really help with the fact that he was already sopping wet. “Doesn’t look like you’re testing a water-repellant spell, so what gives? Special training for Quidditch? Or just trying not to lose it before break?”
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 8, 2016 20:44:21 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2016 20:44:21 GMT -7
When Scorpius refused her cloak, Jamie smiled, shrugged, and threw it back to the ground. If he wasn’t going to use it, then it just wouldn’t get used. That was okay – it probably needed a break, just like everything else did. “Maybe you should dry your shirt.” Jamie suggested. Even if he wouldn’t take her cloak, he wouldn’t have much fun if he didn’t want to be wet. Since Jamie had actively chosen to let the rain soak her to the bone, she didn’t mind it, but she doubted Scorpius had made the same choice.
“I’m sick of being sad all the time.” Jamie said with a shrug. She wasn’t sure if Scorpius knew her enough to realize that the past few months had been horrible for her, but hopefully he wouldn’t press too much about that. Max wasn’t a big touchy-feely person, so Jamie was hoping that was a Slytherin trait and Scorpius wouldn’t want to deal with her emotions, especially since they weren’t all that close. “And since waiting for someone else to come along and make me happy hasn’t worked, I decided I’m going to do it for myself.” Jamie beamed at the Slytherin boy. “Come on. You should try it.”
@scorp
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 8, 2016 21:25:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2016 21:25:40 GMT -7
@jamie Scorpius watched as Jamie tossed the jacket on the ground. So much for that. If he had been right, he was sure it was soaked through as well. Everything was at this point. There was no reason to try and fight back against the inevitable. That took effort that he didn’t have right now. Even thinking about that was depressing and just made him not want to do it. Scorpius pulled at his shirt, feeling that it had gotten even heavier with water. Had it been a little colder, maybe he would try and dry it, but right now it wasn’t going to make much of a difference. “I’ll live. Water never bothered me anyways.” Unless he was sitting on a boat. That was a different story. At least here he was grounded. The likelihood of drowning wasn’t impossible, but definitely not feasible without a little bit of bad luck.
He wasn’t really expecting the answer that he received. Sick of being sad? He kind of understood that. Lately he had grown tired of being stuck in the middle of the mess he had caused. Every time he thought he had gained control of the situation, there Ondina was messing it up again. Of course most of that had been his fault to start with. Probably hadn’t been a good idea to go snogging her after he had pretty much told himself it was over between them. Now he was in even more of a hole since that had conveniently come to light in front of Rose. “Does it work?” Scorpius inquired.
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 9, 2016 6:15:11 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 6:15:11 GMT -7
Jamie smiled at Scorpius, laughing a little when he said water had never bothered him. “Well, that’s good. I don’t much mind it either.” As if he couldn’t tell. And really, if she had minded to begin with, there wasn’t much that she could do about it now, short of going inside and drying off, which would put an end to all of the fun she was having at the moment. Even then, the walk from where they were on the grounds to the Hufflepuff common room would be cold and wet and not any fun at all. In short, it was not an option.
Jamie laughed again when Scorpius asked if it worked. “Would I have asked you to do it if it didn’t?” Jamie questioned. Then, before Scorpius could answer, she continued. “Of course it works! Sometimes you just have to put a smile on your face and keep it on until you begin to believe it. And dancing lets you, you know, let it out.” Sometimes when you couldn’t work through a problem mentally or emotionally, you had to work through it physically, and dancing was a great way to do that, in part because there was no wrong way to dance. “Come on, Scorp. Try it.” And then Jamie began to dance again.
@scorp
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 9, 2016 11:31:06 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 11:31:06 GMT -7
@jamie “Fair point.” He muttered over the pounding of the rain around them. At this point, it was barely even fazing him anymore. The rain had become rather soothing if anything, the constant patter on his hair and white noise of it clicking off the ground was almost enough to make him forget everything that had been going on lately. But it was still all there, haunting every little thought every moment of the day. Jamie seemed to have it figured out though. People with dark thoughts didn’t go dancing in the rain like it was normal. From the way she made it sound, it had worked for her. That was good enough for him right now.
Scorpius thought over the part about smiling until you believed it. That sounded exactly the same as what he had been doing with Ondina. Tricking himself, no, forcing himself into believing that she still had feelings for him. It had worked too. She was a parasite, coming back again and again to feed off his idiocy. Every time he told himself that would be the last of it, and yet it never was. Now it had reverbed onto Rose. At the end of the day, it was all his fault for giving in to guilty pleasures and not restraining himself.
He hesitated at first, taking a few steps and then coming to a stop. A little voice told him that he didn’t want to let it out, that he wanted to suffer more. That he deserved it for the way he had acted. It probably looked like he stopped because of the dancing thing. That wasn’t an issue. Being raised a Malfoy had its benefits other than intelligence and money. “I want to, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed…you know, to let it all out like you.”
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 12, 2016 10:59:27 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2016 10:59:27 GMT -7
Jamie smiled at Scorpius when he said that her point about not asking him to do something if she wasn’t sure it would work was fair. “I don’t make a point of lying to people.” She said with a little laugh, hoping that Scorpius didn’t read that she was implying that he made that habit – it hadn’t been what she was trying to stay at all.
Scorpius said he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to let everything out, and the Hufflepuff shook her head. “What, you’re not allowed to because you’re a prefect?” Jamie asked with a smirk. “I’m a team captain, remember? I use the prefect’s bathroom and I’m still doing it.” Her eyes glinted playfully. “Or because your mum’s a teacher?” She continued pushing. That was the only other reason that she could think Scorpius wouldn’t want to let everything go. “My brother’s the groundskeeper. There’s a lot bigger of a chance that he’d catch us than your mum.” And then Jamie would be the one embarrassed by the fact that her relation had found the two of them. Except she wouldn’t be embarrassed, because it was perfectly natural to have to get everything out. Holding stuff in just made everyone feel crappy, and Jamie had only remembered how true that was once she got all of that stuff out. “Come on, Scorp. Don’t keep holding onto pain because you think you deserve it or some other tortured Slytherin thing.” Again, the only Slytherin Jamie really had to go off as far as the emotional intricacies of the house was her sister, and Max definitely would’ve done something stupid like this, protesting making herself feel better because she didn’t deserve to feel good. That was what had led her to such a dark place, if Jamie was honest about her opinion.
@scorp
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 12, 2016 11:39:05 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2016 11:39:05 GMT -7
@jamie Scorpius noted the laugh at the end of her comment about not lying to people. He tried to do the same for the most part, but lately it seemed like it wasn’t working too well. Not in the sense that he was actually making up lies about things he was doing or other people. More that he was lying about his feelings, or at least trying to mask them from what they really were. Hell, even he didn’t know what they wanted. “I try not to as well…sometimes it just happens though.” Scorpius shrugged his shoulders.
He shook his head at each of Jamie’s propositions to why he couldn’t let everything out. If it was because of his mother or because he was a Prefect, than he probably would have kept walking past her. “No…I’m not sure how to explain it.” He thought it over again, and still couldn’t come up with an answer, or at least couldn’t get it to come out of his mouth. Scorpius knew it had to do with the way he played with Rose’s heart, the way he justified going back to Ondina over and over again. Jamie wasn’t wrong though, he did think he deserved all of this. “What’s wrong with holding onto it if it reminds me of what I’ve done? Slytherin or not, I do deserve that pain. At least until I know it’s done and over with.” The question now was how to end it. Until then, he wasn’t going to hold onto it as hard as possible.
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 12, 2016 17:52:33 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2016 17:52:33 GMT -7
Scorpius laughed, and Jamie smiled at that. Maybe he was hurting, but she had made him laugh, and that was a good way to begin. She nodded when Scorpius said that he said he tried not to lie to people either, but sometimes it happened anyways. She could understand that.
“You don’t have to.” Jamie assured the Slytherin boy when he said that he didn’t know if he could explain why he believed he wasn’t allowed to let go. “Scorpius, maybe you did a bad thing. I get it. I’ve done bad things, too.” She had turned someone into a werewolf. She had pushed her mother away. She had asked her sister to kill their father. Jamie had done some monumentally bad things, and while she wasn’t sure what Scorpius had in mind when he talked about deserving his pain, Jamie couldn’t imagine that it could be anything nearly as bad. But just because one person’s pain wasn’t as bad as another’s didn’t mean that it deserved to be trivialized, so Jamie continued talking. “Not to say that it makes it okay because someone else has done it, too, but if everyone in the world just held on to all their pain, where would we be? No one would be happy, ever, from the moment they were first wronged. Whatever happened already hurt you once. I guess I don’t get why you would choose to keep letting it hurt you again and again.” Jamie was hardly one to talk, since normally, she did the same thing. She clutched tight onto her pain and let it embed itself deeper and deeper until she just couldn’t take it anymore. But again, just because Jamie did it didn’t mean it was healthy.
@scorp
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 12, 2016 23:19:14 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2016 23:19:14 GMT -7
@jamie It was starting to seem like everyone did one bad thing or another, almost like it was inevitable. An unavoidable part of life. And yet that really didn’t make him feel all that better about it. The realization that everyone was more or less in the same boat as he was just under different circumstances made sense. It simply wasn’t resonating loud enough to make an impact on him right now. Given time to think it over, maybe it would eventually help him. What he did understand was that his situation was unique to him and him alone, as Jamie’s was hers to deal with on her own as well. That meant that suffering through it was up to him didn’t it? He felt that it was his duty, his obligation, to torture himself until he got it through his head that what he had done wasn’t right. Other than being immature, it was also selfish to take things for granted like they were his toys to play with. Unfortunately that was only just now starting to dawn on him.
Scorpius contemplated her thoughts on everyone holding in their pain. Wasn’t that already happening though? Was there actually a way for everyone to be truly happy at some point in time? He had thought it was possible but had done a pretty decent job of messing that up lately. He didn’t want to make it an argument though, because he knew Jamie was trying to make the point that he needed to let it go. Moving on was hard though, scary almost. It was almost the same as stepping back and re-evaluating something; the same as giving up, or giving in, in his eyes. “I don’t really understand why I do it either. Maybe I think internalizing it will make it so I won’t let it happen again if I’m given the chance.” He really wasn’t sure. “So how does this dancing thing work? You said it helped right?” If anything, it’d take his mind off of everything for a few minutes.
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 13, 2016 17:44:06 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2016 17:44:06 GMT -7
Jamie shook her head at Scorpius. If he was going to do something that hurt him so badly, he ought to at least know why he was doing it. Maybe he wasn’t into introspection or something of the sort, but, wow, Jamie hoped that he figured it out, or at least put some effort into figuring it out. Because his logic didn’t seem to make much sense to Jamie – if he internalized his pain without looking at it first, then he wasn’t going to learn anything from it, which made the whole internalizing to keep from repeating thing from really working out. Scorpius asked how the dancing thing worked, and Jamie laughed. “Think about what’s bugging you.” She instructed. “And then just…start moving.” She said with a shrug. It really wasn’t that hard. “And if you feel stupid, you’re doing it right.” Jamie licked her lips, forgetting that they were already moist from the rainwater, and giggled a little at her own silliness. “Moving helps you get it out, you know? It’s nothing scientific or anything, it’s just one of those truths that we don’t have any explanation for.” That was most of what magic was, anyways, so hopefully Scorpius would know not to question it too much.
@scorp
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 14, 2016 10:48:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2016 10:48:16 GMT -7
@jamie The instructions on how to dance seemed vague. Sure, Jamie said that he had to think about what was bugging him and just let it pull him into a groove, but that sounded easier said than done. Scorpius knew exactly what was causing him issues. He just didn’t know how to turn that around and make it a positive thing. The worst part was that fun dancing was vastly different from the formal dancing he had learned growing up. That didn’t mean he couldn’t do the former, Scorpius liked to think he was proficient in all different kinds of dancing, more that he had never attempted it without music, or in the rain for that matter. Then again, this was all to take his mind off of…things, so it was going to be different regardless.
“Have to feel stupid doing it. Got it.” That was going to be rather easy seeing as the situation they were in right now was prime for it. At least they were both going to be doing it. If anyone saw it, they’d probably think it was some strange club activity or an invisible pixie attack. Scorpius hated pixies. Jamie wasn’t wrong about any of this though. Moving had always helped him out subconsciously. Walking the halls on prefect duty was good for that, especially when he found students out and about. He could see how dancing would shake that all out. Literally. “Any instructions on how to start? Or just jump right into it?”
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last online Mar 29, 2024 7:13:28 GMT -7
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Dec 15, 2016 13:45:36 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2016 13:45:36 GMT -7
Jamie laughed when Scorpius repeated that he had to feel stupid doing it. You didn’t necessarily always have to feel stupid, but she wasn’t going to tell Scorpius that. If only she had a camera, Jamie thought with a small laugh. This was a moment that deserved to be preserved for posterity. “I can sing for you, if you need a place to start.” Jamie suggested. She wasn’t much of a singer, but she would be able to carry a tune long enough for Scorpius to be able to get into the groove of a music. “But it’s almost easier if you don’t have any music. Don’t let anything constrain you.” Jamie paused for a moment, trying to think of something more specific – and therefore more helpful – to say to Scorpius. “If you hold tension in one part of your body, you should probably start there. I clench my fists a lot when I’m angry.” And she always managed to think of her hands as paws when she was having a bad day, which was definitely not a good thing. “So I start by just throwing my hands everywhere. And then the rest of it follows.” Because as ridiculous as dancing felt, everyone felt even more ridiculous just standing there waving their hands or arms or something rapidly.
@scorp
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