Stand here on my own [Daniel]

[Deleted]

Adrian was not having a good day. At all. But it wasn't a bad day either. It was a terrible, sickening, heart stopping, day. Adrian's stomach was in tight knots, turning violently and all around making him feel like absolute crap. Why? The letter from his mother. This job... If she took it, she'd move to the United States. and Adrian would go with her. He'd have too. And then Lily...His stomach sank, leaving him with an empty feeling at the thought. What about Lily? Why did the idea of leaving her upset him so much he felt physically sick?

After they'd parted, Adrian had gone running. Running always made him feel better, almost as if he could outrun all his problems. Only this time it didn't. The feelings would go away. They just kept building and building until he staggered to a stop. Collapsing back onto his rump he ignored the snow and the cold. He couldn't even feel it right now. The young German draped his arms over his knees and rested his forehead against them, breathing heavily. He shouldn't be tired, not yet. He had much better endurance then this. And yet... He didn't feel like he could take another step....

@daniel

[Deleted]

Dan was, once again, sitting on the deck of the ship writing. He felt that getting words on a page, however jumbled they may be, helped him figure all of this turmoil out that was going on inside his head. Irina had given him the idea- Irina. The thought of her sent an ache through his chest. Toward the end of November he had basically told her he needed space, at least enough to work through his feelings. That didn't mean he avoided her or stopped spending time with her completely, it just meant that they weren't spending every waking moment together. That he was moving forward, ready to figure out what his love her really meant. It was a good thing for them, he was sure.

His writing was interrupted, though, by a burst of emotions running by him. No, literally running. He looked out to see his cousin, Adrian, landing in the snow and then curling up against himself.

Daniel closed his book and set it in his coat, standing to leave the ship, heading toward Adrian. The closer he got, the clearer his cousins emotions got. Wow. Something really bad was happening.

Dan picked up his pace, eventually jogging until he reached Adrian and slid onto one knee in front of him. "Adrian, hey. Hey," he reached a hand out but stopped it short, pulling it back to himself.

@adrian

[Deleted]

Adrian swore under his breath when he heard his cousin's voice. He didn't raise his head, just swore. He hadn't been paying attention. If he had he would have realized he was on the shores of the lake, close enough that Daniel would be able to pick up his emotions. Which is exactly what happened. He should have run into the forest. He knew those trees like the back of his hand, and he could have avoided everyone there. He could just run, and run, and run, away from everyone and everything. He hadn't been thinking clearly though, and now his cousin was here...

Slowly he lifted his head, just enough so his dark gaze could meet Dan's, The look in Adrian's eyes was.... off. It seemed to try and express every single negative and confusing feeling rushing through his head. It was almost like the eyes of a wounded animal, and not his usual fierce anger and deviance. Typically seeing his cousin riled Adrian up, but today... There was almost no reaction. "What?" He'd wanted it to come out angry, like all his comments to Dan, but it didn't. It sounded just as broken as he felt, and he didn't even understand why.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Dan wasn't expecting a positive reaction, he never did. But he still waited, even though Adrians damaged emotions felt like a thousand needles burrowing into his brain. Adrian lifted his head and Dan lost all thoughts of himself for a moment. He caught his breath, making eye contact with his cousin. It was like looking into the eyes of a wild stallion right after you broke it, Dan guessed. It wasn't the same intense gaze that Dan had come to know, and ultimately love about this cousin. Dan closed his mouth, then Adrian spoke.

He didn't sound angry, which actually concerned Dan more. Adrian wasn't Adrian, and that was scary. "Tell me what's wrong," Dan said. Adrian and he could speak in German, of course, and Dan was actually relieved for it. He could use some of his home language right now.

@adrian

[Deleted]

What's wrong? Well that was certainly the question of the century wasn't it? What was wrong? Adrian didn't understand why he was so... broken by this. Why his heart literally hurt and felt numb at the same time. Why he felt like his world was breaking apart. It was silly. His mom had gotten a great job offer! He should be happy for her!

Adrian was totally and completely silent as these thoughts and emotions jumbled in a chaotic mess in his mind. He didn't think he could say it. Not really. Definitely not in English at the very least. That was when he remembered he'd pocketed the letter rather then throw it again. He moved just enough to dig the letter from the pocket and shove it towards Daniel to take. The boy wouldn't keep eye contact now, turning his head away and crossing his arms under his chin again.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Once again, Adrian didn't need to speak, which was fine by Daniel. Adrian took something out of his pocket, a crumpled letter, and shoved it toward Dan. Dan looked down at it, then took it and looked back up at Adrian. But Adrian was looking away now, resting his chin on his arm. Dan felt sad, and not just because Adrians emotions were thrashing around the air. He felt sad for whatever was wrong.

Then he un-crumpled the letter. It was a little hard to read because it was tossed around, clearly, but he got through it anyway. His aunt, Adrians mom, Barbara was offered a great job in America and was going to check it out. That was great news! Though, Daniel started to realize as he read on why it wasn't so great. Adrian would have to move with her. He read that last sentence, 'Lily can still visit over the Holidays' and sighed.

Dan lowered the letter, looking at Adrian once more. "I see," he said simply. He waited a little longer, trying to decipher the emotions inside Adrian now that he had the context. They made sense now. The pride because of his mothers talent, the sadness because of leaving his home, the heart-wrenching brokeness because... well, Dan assumed that was because of Lily.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there, long enough for Dan to already figure out what he could do to help. "There are possibilities," Dan said, "for now I think you just need to rest, Adrian. Come on, you should have something warm," he didn't hold out a hand to Adrian, that wasn't how either of them were, but he stood and waited for Adrian to join him, if he would.

@adrian

[Deleted]

Adrian didn't even know why Daniel was even here. Probably picked up on his emotions and came to torment him, if Adrian had to guess. But yet, as Daniel read the letter all he had to say after was 'I see'. No taunt, or jab. And then? Silence. Pure, and total silence. Neither Adrian or his cousin spoke for several moments. How long, Adrian didn't know.

Finally though, Dan broke the silence. Possibilities? Adrian turned his head to give Dan a look of utter and total disbelief. What possibilities? This wasn't a time for hopeless optimism. The possibilities was going with his mother. That was it. As his cousin continued, Adrian let out a huff and looked away, his head back on his arms again. He thought that Dan would be deterred if he silently refused, just like he had, but Dan just stood there, waiting. After a few silent moments, moments when he started to realize just how cold he was, and rolled to his feet. "... Fine." He muttered, his gaze down cast as he moved to follow his cousin.

@daniel

[Deleted]

Adrian did eventually end up agreeing to follow him and standing. Dan led the way, several paces ahead of his cousin to lead him onto the Durmstrang ship nearby. Once there, he'd lead Adrian down into the kitchens in the ship, to prepare him a cup of cocoa. He gestured to one of the couches, "have a seat," he offered as he got to work on the hot drink. Whether Adrian sat down or not was his choice, but soon Dan was carrying too mugs over and handing one to his cousin.

Really, he just wish Adrian would take a moment to not think about this, to just clear his mind, but he didn't really think that Ad was capable of that. He was capable of hurting, clearly.

@adrian
(we can keep going or end this, I don't care either way

[Deleted]

Adrian didn't even pay attention to where they were going, just followed his cousin. Without even realizing it he'd somehow managed to get himself lead onto the Durmstrang ship and down to the kitchen. The boy only seemed to return to reality when he heard his cousin command him in German to sit. Without even thinking, Adrian did. Only after, when his thoughts finally caught up with his body did he blink, realizing what had just happened and scowled. Stupid, Dan, ordering it around. Despite the annoyance, it was a fleeting a weak emotion compared to the stupor he was in. So, he just sighed and leaned against the arm of the couch, his chin resting on the fabric as he watched his cousin absently prepare a pair of hot chocolates.

Only upon accepting one of the cups of hot chocolate and staring at the steam coming off it for several moments did Adrian finally managed one of the first coherent sentences in this whole encounter. "What am I supposed to do..?"

@daniel
(maybe one more post each?)

[Deleted]

Dan handed Adrian the drink and sat down across from him, then heard his cousins question. Dan shook his head, biting on the corner of his lip for a moment before answering. "I don't know, Adrian... I think the best you can do right now is to stay calm and really, really consider what this all means to you. With your siblings and... Lily," and that was all he had for now. Until he had more information, he couldn't give his cousin much more to go off of.

He would let Adrian sit with him for as long as he wanted, and drink as much choco or tea or whatever as long as he wanted. Meanwhile, his plan was brewing in his mind...

@adrian
(you can do one more or it can end

[Deleted]

(calling done :3)