See the Line Where the Sky Meets the Sea? (OPEN)

[Deleted]

It was the morning of New Year's Eve, and Tatiana wished that she hadn't been awoken by a nightmare. It hadn't been one of her usual ones; no unknown entity had come and attacked her in her dreams, and she hadn't relived anything that she had experienced in her waking life, but she still felt unsettled. Throwing on the nearest clothing to her bed plus a cloak and scarf, she left her dormitory and walked outside, patches of accumulated snow crunching beneath her feet when she moved off of the usual path.

She didn't stop until she reached the Black Lake. The last person she had seen there was a Durmstrang girl, Maria, and the water's edge seemed as good a location as any to try to return to reality.

Once there, Tania watched as the sunlight reflected off of the lake's frozen surface. She would have sat down, but she didn't want to slip. Instead, she breathed in and out, glad for the cold even if it was sharp.

She thought about what it would be like to dive into the lake. If it hadn't been covered with ice for some time, she might have done it. It seemed refreshing in the same way that flying was to her.

She thought about Maria, too, although she hadn't meant for her mind to wander back to her. Maria had wanted to know more about her than just Quidditch, and she had struggled to find something to say.

The time to reinvent herself was at the new year, wasn't it? Maybe, Tania thought, at the same time next year, she would have something else to talk about besides Quidditch. There were other possibilities. She was more than just a Quidditch player; she was a sister and a daughter and a friend and a classmate. She was gay, and she was still closeted to her parents, and, while she didn't think that her reevaluation of her own identity had been because of Maria, she wasn't doubting it, either.

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina woke early on New Year's Eve; the last day of the year that had changed her life.  She had discovered her clairvoyancy, started Occlumency lessons, applied for the Cursebreaking job she'd been striving towards for the better part of her schooling, and she'd started a relationship with her brother's best friend.  Daniel.  She'd be lying if he wasn't the reason she woke early that cold morning; the month had been trying for both of them, but mostly for him.  She'd also come to a hard realization; she spent a lot of her time with Daniel, and without him she was thinking about him, worrying about him.  She had to remember herself, to spend time with the other people in her life she loved.  Nikolai she'd made cookies with, and Ripley she had a snowball fight on the grounds.  But Tania and she had barely had time together; Irina was feeling more than a little guilty for that.

Dressing warmly in her velvet red winter cloak, Irina made her way downstairs.  She was an outdoorsy tomboy at heart; whenever she felt troubled or trapped, she went outside.  She'd dressed in a fleece black sweatshirt and fleece leggings; she could shed her cloak while she climbed up one of her usual trees since she wouldn't need it.  As she stepped outside, she blinked and squinted in the cold sunlight.  As she made her way across the grounds, she noticed someone standing by the Black Lake.  Her curiosity spiking, she changed course and headed towards the figure, and as she got closer she saw it was none other than her sister, Tania.  A small smile crept on Irina's face; she quickened her pace but slowed down as soon as she reached her sisters side.  She didn't say anything at first, just stood there looking at the frozen lake surface.  It was a beautiful morning; the sunrises' pinks and oranges reflecting off the icy blue of the lake.  Wordlessly, she reached out and draped an arm over her sisters shoulders.  "Beautiful morning, isn't it," she said, sounding contemplative.


@tatiana

[Deleted]

Tania could feel her entire body tensing up when the touch of someone's arm across her shoulders became apparent to her. Her heart began to beat quickly in her chest, and she worried that she would need to defend herself. She felt the need to flee, yet she remained rooted to the ground where she stood and turned her head, gradually able to relax again upon seeing that it was her elder sister.

There was no telling why Irina was awake at such an hour, but Tania refrained from questioning it. When Irina remarked that the sight before them was beautiful, she nodded. She longed to melt away into it, and she wondered if her sister wished for the same.

“It is.” For a place where she was often so afraid, worried that the people who had attacked before would strike again, she was beginning to see that Hogwarts could still be splendid.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Feeling her baby sister tense up beside her made Irina's heart go out to her even more. Tatiana was plainly still dealing with her anxiety, and Irina felt guilty for not being there more for her.  It was her job, her duty as a big sister to look out for the younger ones, and lately she felt like she was failing them both.  "It's almost like a painting, if you could just freeze this moment long enough to capture it on canvas," she mused, squeezing her sisters' shoulder gently.

She looked over at her sister with a small smile.  "Hey, Tan?" she said quietly, then hesitated before continuing.  "I'm sorry if I've seemed preoccupied with....other things.  Seventh year is busy, and has brought some unexpected things, both good and bad, mostly good I suppose," she said with a soft giggle.  "But I want to make sure you know I am always here for you, whenever you need me even if it's the middle of the night.  I just want to make sure you knew that."  She looked away then, back towards the lake with a small sigh.


@tatiana

[Deleted]

“It's almost like a painting, if you could just freeze this moment long enough to capture it on canvas,” Irina commented, and Tania wished that she had enough artistic talent to do that. She wished that her friend Cordelia were there; she always had her camera with her, so she would have been able to capture it in a photograph. And the wonderful thing about magical film was that it wasn’t still like Muggle film, either, so she would have been able to see every splendid detail instead of just a snapshot of it.

“Hey, Tan?”

Tania looked over at her sister again, wondering what she wanted to bring up to her.

“I'm sorry if I've seemed preoccupied with… other things,” Irina apologized. Tania understood why Irina felt the need to apologize, though she wouldn’t have called her out on it. Everyone was preoccupied with other things of some sort anymore; she was, too. “Seventh year is busy,” she explained, “and has brought some unexpected things.” At first, she said that those things were “both good and bad,” but then she changed her tune to say, giggling, that they were “mostly good”. Tania knew that that must have been because of Daniel. “But I want to make sure you know I am always here for you, whenever you need me even if it's the middle of the night. I just want to make sure you knew that.”

“Yeah,” Tania nodded, leaning into her sister a little. “I know, Rina.” She didn’t want to risk ruining things for herself by saying that they seemed to be getting better now, in case this was a false sense of security. Somehow, she felt surer of herself. “Nikolai sent me an owl, too,” she added. “He said the same thing.” It wouldn’t have surprised her if her two oldest siblings had talked.

“And I’m sorry if I’ve closed myself off,” she said. An apology seemed necessary from her side of things, too. “I think too much about things, and then it’s just easier to… not.” Tania knew that it was a poor explanation, and she pulled her hands up so that they were engulfed in her cloak instead of being exposed to the cold. “I know you’re there for me, and Niko is, and even Ripley is when she wants to be,” she granted, “but sometimes it feels like… Like I need you too much.” She swallowed; it hadn’t come out right, but she didn’t know how to put what she meant into better words.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina nodded a little and smiled as Tania leaned into her. “Good,” she said when her sister said she knew she could come to her whenever she needed to. “Nikolai and I must be on the same wavelength; we always talk about family, but he hadn’t mentioned writing to you. I know he was worried after the family dinner when you and Rip quarreled,” she admitted with a small laugh. It did not come as a surprise to her that Niko had reached out to Tania as well; both of them were worrying about their baby sister even if they did not check in as frequently as they would like to. Tania did seem to be emitting a much calmer presence than usual; she hoped whatever or whoever had caused it would continue being a positive presence.

“I understand completely,” Irina responded when Tania relented that sometimes it was easier to just close herself off and not think about things. A lot of her visions had her wanting to just forget about them and not think about what she’d seen; when they came to pass though, it would always give her immense guilt. It was why she had decided to write all of her dream visions in a journal, so she could get them out of her head and pass it along to whoever needed to know without having to go over it in her head time and time again.

When Tania admitted not wanting to feel like she needed her siblings too much, Rina frowned slightly and turned to face her sister. “Hey, look at me,” she urged, gently putting both her hands on Tania’s shoulders. “You should never ever feel that way Tan. Family is always there for each other, no matter what and for how much. I want you to never feel like you’re a burden, because you are the furthest thing from that. Understand?” she told her, her voice quiet but strong. She wanted to make sure that Tania understood that Irina would never view her as needy, no matter what happened.

@tatiana

sibling love got me like <3

[Deleted]

This conversation with Irina, Tania found, was going smoothly, something that she hadn't been able to say about most of her conversations with her siblings since… she couldn't even remember when. It was like being honest with her—and, she hoped, with both Nikolai and Ripley—had flipped a switch. It was like Irina was her older sister again and not some extension of their mother.

“Hey,” Irina told her. “Look at me.” Tania felt her sister's hands against her shoulders, and she did as she was instructed. Irina went on to tell her that she didn't need to feel as though she was being a burden, because she was, in Irina's words, “the furthest thing from that.”

When Irina asked her if she understood, Tania nodded. She wasn't going to be a burden; she was going to put all of her energy into making sure that she wasn't still acting like the little girl her siblings thought she was, just as Maria had advised her. “I understand,” she affirmed, determination in the way she spoke.

Wanting to change the topic before Irina could say anything more about it, Tatiana looked back at the water. “How are you?” It felt strange to have to ask her own sister how she was, but it was the first thing that came to her mind. Everything felt as though it was her siblings' either ensuring her emotional stability or—with Ripley, anyway—testing it. This didn't have to be “The Tania Show”. She could handle hearing about her sister's life without freaking out, but she had to prove that.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina smiled and gave a nod when Tania said she understood. "And I promise to try to stop mothering you so much, we've got a mother who can do that well enough on her own," she said with a chuckle.  She knew she had been overly attentive sometimes whenever her baby sister was having an anxiety attack, but she supposed that came with being the eldest sibling at school.  With so many bad thingss having happened over the course of a single year, it was hard not to be protective of those she loved.

While she was glad her sister switched topics, it came upon one that she really didn't know how to answer; how was she.  How was she really?  She had a great boyfriend, but he was an empath; the backlog of emotions felt by everyone including himself was engulfing his very spirit.  Irina hated to say it, but she kept feeling this  sense of foreboding whenever they spent any time together lately.  The Yule Ball had been the exception to the rule, she was learning quickly.  Perhaps they fell too hard, too fast; already talking about a future outside of Hogwarts when she was just seventeen.  Was this normal?  Did other people fall like this too?  "I'm...." Irina started, then sighed a little.  She didn't want to keep anything hidden from her sisters.  "Do you ever feel like something is coming, a big upheaval and you have no idea when or where it's going to strike?" she asked her, then looked out towards the water.  "That basically sums up how I feel right now," she added softly.


@tatiana

[Deleted]

Irina's concern wasn't anything that Tania could have expected. She spoke of her belief that there would be an “upheaval” of some sort. “…And you have no idea when or where it's going to strike?”

“You mean…” Tania said in a hushed tone, still trying to make sense of her sister's comment, “like Elaine Dupree?” No one knew what had happened to her; the Slytherin girl who had been in the same year as Nikolai had vanished before the Ministry could catch up to her. Tania knew that she and Irina were alone, but it didn't feel right to say Elaine's name any louder than she had. If anyone could hear them, the last thing that they needed was for a rumor to start and to run out of control.

Her entire life since April had revolved around her fear that something else would happen. She hadn't fallen captive to whomever those people had been, but there was no promise that there wouldn't be a “next time”. That same fear of the unknown was what she was determined to quash. Irina must have been mistaken, Tania told herself. She had worried for months and months, and nothing had ever come of that.

She had told herself that she wasn't going to worry anymore, but Tania decided to make an exemption to the very same rules that she was making up as she went along: It was different if it was Irina's concern and not hers.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina blinked with momentary surprise when Tania spoke of Elaine; she hadn’t even thought of that. She had been too lost in her own personal life issues and had completely forgot about the former Slytherin who had started the hellish chaos on the first of April that year. If she closed her eyes, she could remember the pandemonium that had met her at every turn in the halls; people dueling the intruders in masks, and Moreta killing one of them in front of her. That was certainly not an image she was wont to forget, and if she ever did, the thestrals would be there to remind her. “She has been quiet for awhile,” Irina started carefully, not wanting Tania to get too worked up. “But she is not at school anymore Tan; with all the added security this year, she’d be a madwoman to try and break in here,” she added, trying to add a bolt of confidence to her voice. Really, who knew what Elaine Dupree was capable of. She gave her sister a reassuring smile and squeezed her shoulder. “Better put those worries out of your mind; you’ll just drive yourself mad if you think about all the what-ifs,” she recommended.

As the sun rose higher, Irina glanced over at the Durmstrang ship; she couldn’t help but sigh a little and pushed her hair back behind her ears. “Do you want to come get breakfast for me? I’m starving,” she asked her little sister, looking hopeful as she felt the inners of her stomach rumble in protest of not being nourished.

@tatiana

[Deleted]

Irina was right. She would go mad if she dwelled on what Elaine might do, wherever she was. Before, Tania would have asked her sister something about whether or not she thought that she had already gone mad, but she kept that to herself. She wasn't going to be that Tania anymore. If anyone was mad, it was Elaine, really. Maybe her fears hadn't been shared as intensely by everyone around her, but at least she had never lost her conscience.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Besides, Hogwarts would be the first place anyone would look for her if she did come back.” And it wasn't as though the Auror presence was a secret to the world, either.

Tania hadn't realized how hungry she was until Irina changed the subject to breakfast. She would need to get something to eat eventually, so why not go with her sister? As peaceful as it was, they couldn't stay outside forever; it was too cold for that, and she didn't want to lose the feeling in her extremities. Irina had mentioned that she was starving, and Tania couldn't disagree. “Me, too,” she smiled. “Let's go!”

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina was pleasantly surprised that Tatiana didn't continue on with the subject of Elaine; if this had been Tania in September, Irina would likely have been trying to calm her down from an anxiety attack.  She was incredibly proud of her sister and how far she had come in just a few short months.  She wondered if Tania had met someone that was helping her with some of her anxieties.  She knew her sister hadn't gone to the ball with a specific date, just some friends.  She had admittedly been...preoccupied during the ball, so she hadn't seen Tania dance with anyone in particular.  Well, as long as he - or she; Irina hadn't discussed with Tania ever who she preferred the company of - treated Tania well, Irina would support her.  That was another conversation Rina felt was a long time coming with her baby sister, but first, breakfast.  "Come on, before my stomach jumps out of my body and devours a chicken whole," she said with a smile.  She tucked her arm through Tanias and together the two Krum girls headed back to the castle for some much needed breakfast.


END THREAD <3