Are You the Sweet Invention of a Lover's Dream? (Dastan)

[Deleted]

After the wonderful night that she had had with Dastan at the Yule Ball, Gwendolen was eager to spend more time with him before they both had to return to their studies. She didn't want to seem too clingy, so she spent the next few days working ahead on a few of her assignments and wishing that she could have played the original cast recordings from some of her favorite musicals instead of having to sing them from memory. She hadn't been avoiding Dastan at all, though, when she realized how peculiar it was that they hadn't once crossed paths since the night of the Yule Ball, Gwen grew concerned.

Logically, Dastan, she assumed, would be in the Beauxbatons Carriage. For that reason, she bundled up and left the castle, walking briskly towards it. It didn't make sense to send an owl such a short distance, after all, when she could go there in person. Gwen could see the carriage just ahead of her, although she had no need to walk all the way there. She saw a familiar figure just ahead of her, and she decided that she would take her chances when it came to determining if it was Dastan or his twin brother, Jesper. Either way, she would find him.

“Dastan?” she called, looping her scarf back around her neck and hurrying towards him, a hopeful smile on her face.

@dastan

[Deleted]

Dastan was wandering outside, as was usual for him lately. Ever since he received news of Jesper's death the other day, he hadn't been good with people. He ate, but he always arrived early or late so he could avoid the crowds. He didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to talk. He thought about Gwen sometimes, when he wasn't mourning, but he didn't know if he could face her now. He was still so upset and broken and ... furious. He was convinced that someone killed Jesper on purpose, but no one else believed him. 

He heard a familiar, hopeful voice coming from behind him and he turned. It was Gwen. He plastered an entirely fake smile on his face, not wanting her to think that he was angry with her. Still, the smile felt strange and awkward. Wrong. He shouldn't be smiling so soon after Jesper's- no, he couldn't think about that right now. "Gwen. How have you been?" he asked softly, pausing as he waited for her to reach him. 

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

Dastan gave her a smile, but there was something about it that kept Gwendolen from running the rest of the way over to him and flinging her arms around him. “Gwen,” he greeted her, though he didn't sound happy. Gwen didn't think that it was because he wasn't happy with her, however; she hadn't done anything to cause that. “How have you been?”

“Hi. I thought that was you.” She stopped a few feet short of him, trying to understand how to approach the situation. Until he brought it up, she thought, she wouldn't ask. That seemed like the right plan, and she wouldn't seem as though she'd made something out of nothing. “I—”

But what if he never said? That was where she was left to reconsider. Then, she would be kept awake at night, wondering about what she could have done to make things better, whatever was the matter. “You look upset,” she observed. “Can I help?”

@dastan

[Deleted]

She seemed hesitant to approach him. Did she notice the foul mood he was in? Dastan wouldn't be surprised. He just couldn't keep his emotions under control at the moment. Jesper's death was eating at him and he hated it. Hated the fact that he'd lost his closest sibling, his twin. 

Gwen didn't answer his question. She seemed distracted, but that was probably by his attitude. He forced a smile and nodded when she said that she thought she saw him. Obviously she was right. Then she asked if he needed help. Of course she'd ask. This was the reason Dastan was wandering the grounds instead of the castle. He didn't want to talk about it, not even to her. But she'd found him and it was Gwen. He wasn't going to leave her hanging. 

"Not really," he told her, answering when she asked if she could help. He took a deep breath and then sighed. "During the break my brother decided he didn't want to stay at Hogwarts for the tournament. He went back home and a few days later he ... passed away," Dastan's voice cracked on the last phrase and he turned away from her. He knew it was a bad idea to talk about this. She was probably about to apologize to him now.

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

“Not really.” Gwendolen frowned as Dastan sighed. Maybe it was just that he was being pessimistic about the situation. That was always possible, wasn't it? “During the break,” he continued, “my brother decided he didn't want to stay at Hogwarts for the tournament.” That itself seemed to be an understandable reason for being upset. His brother was at home, and he wasn't. Maybe Dastan had a point, Gwen thought; there wasn't much that she could do about homesickness. “He went back home,” Dastan explained, “and a few days later he… passed away.”

Jesper had died. “Oh,” Gwen gasped, never having expected to hear that. Dastan sounded distraught, and she couldn't blame him. She moved the rest of the way over to him and touched his arm softly, tears in her own eyes. “Dastan…” It had been so sudden, a few days since his brother's death, at most. “I'm so sorry,” she told him quietly. He must have found out just after the Yule Ball; he had seemed perfectly happy then. “I'm… here for you.”

@dastan

[Deleted]

She was surprised. Of course she was. Who expected to hear something like that, that someone they'd seen only a few days ago was now gone. He noticed her gasp, but Dastan wasn't paying attention to her. That is, until he felt her touching his arm. Dastan's eyes finally met her own. At the sight of the tears in her eyes for someone she hardly knew, Dastan felt the tears welling in his eyes. He nodded, trying to reign in his emotions, to no avail. She apologized and he nodded once more, still not trusting his voice. He couldn't do this. He couldn't handle being here now, but his parents asked him not to come home, to stay and finish his schooling here. When she spoke again, Dastan felt like he couldn't stay silent. "Thank-" he cleared his throat. "Thank you Gwen. Sorry I'm not good company." His voice was shaky, but surely she would understand. "Walk with me?" he asked after a second. It was awkward just standing there when he was about to lose his composure even more any second. "Tell me something happy," Dastan suggested. He didn't want to come up with conversation on his own.

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

Dastan apologized for not being “good company” to her, but Gwen wasn't concerned about that. Knowing what she did now—that Dastan's brother had died—she wasn't going to criticize Dastan when he was hurting already. She didn't think that she could criticize him even if she tried her best to sound completely heartless. It wasn't fair to him, and she cared about him too much to betray his trust in her like that. If either of her brothers were suddenly dead, she knew that she would have been a wreck.

“Walk with me?”

Gwen nodded. She wouldn't have told him no. Noticing how shaky Dastan appeared to be, she brought her hand down to meet his and worked her fingers in between, squeezing his hand gently once she had. “I will.”

He asked her to tell him something happy. Most things were happier than death, though it was more difficult for Gwendolen to think of things, knowing that Dastan needed to be cheered up. “You know my friend Xanthippe? The one who's been in hospital?” she asked hopefully, beginning to walk. “The nurses say she's getting better.” Xan was far from being completely well again, but she was much stronger than she had been. Hugo had probably helped with that, though Gwen knew that Winnie, Xanthippe's sister, would try to take all of the credit for herself.

Thinking quickly, Gwen wondered what else she could say to keep Dastan's mind off of his brother. Whenever she was sad—or feeling any other way—she usually found a song for that. She hadn't warmed up her voice, but there was no time. “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,” she started softly, hoping that Dastan wouldn't be too confused by the song from The Sound of Music. Hopefully, he would understand as she continued to sing. “Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens / Brown paper packages tied up with strings / These are a few of my favorite things…”

@dastan

[Deleted]

Dastan exhaled in relief when Gwen said she would walk with him. He started walking immediately, pausing when he felt her fingers entwine with his own. He looked down at her, his expression vulnerable and thankful at the same time. How did she know exactly what he needed right now? He nodded before he continued to walk, smiling so she would hopefully know he wasn't angry with her.

He smiled when she started talking about her friend that was in the hospital wing. It was a good thing that she was getting better, but at the same time Dastan felt bitter. She was lucky. At least she had the chance to get better. Unlike ...

She was singing? Dastan's head cocked to the side as he listened, but he didn't say anything or stop walking. She had a beautiful voice. Without realizing it, Dastan's hand tightened around hers. She was singing of happy things, things that might make him feel better. It wouldn't work. At least, not listening to the words, but the sound of his voice might raise his spirits. When she paused for a moment in her song, he muttered, "You have a beautiful voice."

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

“You have a beautiful voice.”

Gwen beamed back at him in acknowledgment of his compliment and continued to sing, pausing and glancing over at Dastan with every few words. By the time that she had reached the lyrics, “Silver white winters that melt into springs / These are a few of my favorite things,” she looked back at Dastan, squeezing a short pulse of energy into his hand. “When the dog bites / When the bee stings / When I'm feeling sad,” she sang, “I simply remember my favorite things / And then I don't feel so bad.”

No, the song didn't apply perfectly to Dastan's situation, but it was as hopeful as she could be. There were other things to think about—like apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells for Maria in the musical—and Dastan surely had favorite things that could distract him until he was feeling better.

It was only after she had finished singing that she realized aloud, “…That was the first time you've heard me sing, wasn't it?”

@dastan

[Deleted]

She smiled at his compliment and Dastan was sure that was a good thing. It lifted his heart to know that he made her feel good. And listening to the sound of her voice was heaven. He adored it. He listened to the song, at first listening to the words and then deciding to ignore them. He didn't particularly like the idea, mostly because things that used to make him feel happy didn't anymore. Not after Jesper's death. Everything seemed more depressing, which was strange but true at the same time. 

Gwen finished singing and Dastan looked over at her, smiling at her next question and nodding. "Yes, it was. Want to sing another song for me?" He wasn't sure if she'd feel comfortable, walking around and singing with him, but that's what he'd rather. Her voice was soothing and listening to it was so much easier than trying to find a way to explain the emotions rolling through him. 

"Sorry, I'm not really good company right now," he apologized after a few minutes. She was probably regretting her choice to come over and talk with him.

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

Gwendolen was still searching her mental repertoire for something suitable to sing next when Dastan apologized to her for a second time. “Dastan…” Her voice was soft yet firm enough for her to be able to convey to him that she thought he was being ridiculous for worrying about what kind of company he was being. “I don't want you to entertain me, like,” she told him gently. She just wanted to be able to let him forget about life for a while, to transport him to some other universe that wasn't their own.

She tightened up her grip on his hand again, remembering something she had once read about people's apologizing for things because someone else had made them to feel as though their feelings weren't valid. The last thing that Gwen wanted was to make Dastan feel as though he couldn't talk to her about what he felt. She would continue walking with him into the night, if that was what he needed from her.

“Here. Try this.” An idea had hit her, and that second song was pushed aside for the moment as she stopped walking. Her hand was still in Dastan's. “Breathe into your belly,” she coached him slowly, “and then breathe out…” She modeled what she wanted him to do, inhaling and then exhaling.

@dastan

[Deleted]

Dastan knew what she meant when she said she didn't want him to entertain her, but he still couldn't really accept it. "You didn't come join me so I could be a grump either," he muttered, annoyed at his attitude but letting it out all the same. He couldn't seem to help it at the moment. Losing Jesper hit him hard and he wasn't holding back with anything, it seemed. "I just ... don't feel like you have to stay here. If there are other things you need to do, I'll be fine." As he spoke, Dastan's voice cracked a little and his hand tightened around her own. Despite what he was saying, he didn't want her to leave.

He stopped walking when she did and turned so he could watch what she was doing. Deep breathing. He heard of the strategy before, but Dastan was never very good at it. Mostly because he found it boring and useless. He wasn't going to say that to her, though. He knew that Gwen was trying to help and he would let her continue as long as she wanted, relieved that she was still with him. He took deep breaths with her, not really noticing any difference, but giving it a chance. "What is this supposed to do?" he asked after a short while, not trying to be impatient but bored all the same.

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

Dastan had told her that she could leave if she had other things to do, but Gwen didn't want to. Even if he was grumpy—although it was completely justified to her that he was—she wanted to stick by him. He didn't seem to find anything beneficial in her deep-breathing techniques, either, but that was alright, too.

At his skepticism, she explained, “It's supposed to be calming.” Maybe there was too much going on in Dastan's head for it to be of use. “I use breathing exercises for plenty of things… yoga, warm-ups before singing…” Gwen knew that they usually worked for her, but being on edge because of his brother's death might not have been conducive to trying something new.

Singing. He had wanted another song. Every one that came to her mind seemed to be too… something. Gwen knew that the current situation was probably the worst one for it, but she wanted to tell him how she felt. If he stopped her right then and there, she would leave it there. (And it had been good while it had lasted, at least.) But telling him… She needed him to know.

“Dastan…?” The breath that she took in was cold but not enough of a deterrent to stop her from continuing. She was glad, too, that her cheeks were already red. “Every time I think about you, I get this feeling… And I've never, ever had it around anyone else, but…” She looked at him and tried to put it into words. “It's like… Whatever's happening, my mind goes back to you…” Seeing Dastan so unlike himself was making her hurt. “And… to tell you the truth, I wouldn't leave even if I did have things to do. Because you're more important. And because… I think… I'm in love with you.”

@dastan

[Deleted]

He nodded when she said that her deep breathing things were supposed to be calming. That was fine. It wasn't helping him now, probably because he was too wired. He listened to her talking about how breathing helped her and just focused on the sound of her voice. How could that one thing make everything so much better than it actually was? Her voice was soothing to him and he didn't know why. 

After a few minutes she paused and Dastan wasn't really sure what else he expected. He wanted to talk to her, but he had no idea what to say. She didn't seem to want him to apologize to her for anything, but he didn't know what else to say. Then she started speaking again and Dastan turned to look at her. He wasn't sure what she was saying at first. She seemed so nervous, so worried about his reaction to her and he didn't understand why. Then she said it. 

She thought she loved him? Dastan's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to sort through his emotions. Her words made him happy, feel lighter than he had in days, but there was still that darkness, that anger about what happened to Jesper that he wasn't sure he could push away. He lifted his free hand and brushed back some hair from her face, staring into her eyes. "That is exactly what I needed to hear," he muttered before bending down and kissing her lips gently. He pulled away just a touch and whispered, "I think I love you too, Gwen." He moved forward to kiss her again before really pulling away. "I'm sorry I'm so messed up right now. Thanks for being with me." He wasn't dismissing her, but he wanted her to know he appreciated her help and support.

@gwendolen

[Deleted]

As Dastan pushed back her hair, Gwendolen could feel her heart racing in her chest. It was beating at a quicker pace than it usually did around him. The next thing she knew, he was looking into her eyes. “That is exactly what I needed to hear.” What he said was what she had hoped to hear, too; she wanted to know that he reciprocated her feelings for him.

And then he kissed her. Dastan kissed her. Gwen fluttered her eyes back open once she felt his lips part from hers. “I think I love you too, Gwen.” There was a second kiss, one that Gwendolen took just as willingly as she had the first, holding onto it just a little bit longer. He said that he loved her, too.

“I'm sorry I'm so messed up right now. Thanks for being with me.”

Gwen shook her head. “I don't think you're ‘messed up’, Dastan,” she replied. He just had a lot to think about, and she couldn't blame him that his mind was elsewhere. “Though we might freeze if we stay out here.” Laughing just a little bit and rubbing her hands together, she looked to the castle. It would be much warmer in there.

@dastan