I Need To See The Daylight (Seamus)

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Term started once more and life was hell. Actually, that wasn't new. Ever since the stupid Yule Ball Ed's world was turned upside down when he saw his girlfriend kissing another guy. He saw it with his own eyes and then she had the gall to follow him and tell him that it wasn't what he thought, that she pushed him away. That's sure not what he saw. 

So things were over. Completely over between them and Ed found himself angrier than he'd been in a long while. He went to classes, did his schoolwork, attended meals, but as a general rule people stayed away. They could probably sense his ever-present fury. He hadn't looked at Addi since that night. Sure, they had almost the same classes, but he didn't have to look at her even though he could sense her whenever she was near. He paid strict attention to his books and the professors. 

Right now he was between classes, sitting on a bench in the courtyard. Everyone was just walking by, but Ed didn't really care. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Besides that, no one wanted to talk to him. Not with his attitude problems at the moment.

@seamus

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Being quiet most of the time meant that Séamus could see more than the average person did. It seemed silly, since a shut mouth and open eyes weren’t mutually exclusive, but Shay found that when he wasn’t focused on himself and what he was saying, it was easier to pay attention to other people. And one thing that he had noticed was that his housemate (who also happened to be his yearmate, and therefore his roommate), Edmund Windsor, wasn’t in the best of moods. It wasn’t unusual for him not to be in a good mood, but Edmund had been better about it since the school year started, at least up until the night of the Yule Ball. Séamus had no clue what had happened – he had spent most of his time out of touch with the world or talking with Dominique Weasley – but he did know that Edmund needed cheering up. The thing was, Shay didn’t know him well enough to cheer him up. So, as always, he was falling back on flowers. Séamus had taken a few sprigs of lavender from the kitchen – apparently it made interesting tasting cookies? – along with a handful of hazelnuts, and had followed Edmund out the courtyard when they had a break from their classes. Shay offered the flowers and nuts to Edmund quietly. “L-lavender for c-calm, and h-hazel for p-peace. I h-hope you c-can f-find b-both.” He said softly.

@edmund

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Edmund was completely oblivious to anyone and everyone passing by him. It didn't matter; they weren't here to talk to him and he was trying to convince himself that he didn't care about anything right now. Anything except his classes, that was. He was still determined to learn as much about magic as he could. 

He was pulled out of his reverie when someone moved up next to him and offered something to him. Edmund looked up, surprised to see his roommate Séamus offering him flowers and nuts. He wanted to be angry and refuse them, but Ed never really talked much with Séamus before and couldn't take this out on him. It wasn't the other kid's fault that Addi had ... no, he didn't want to think about that right now. He forced a small smile as he accepted what his housemate offered. "Thanks, but I don't think that's in the cards for me right now," he answered honestly, scooting over on the bench a little so Séamus could join him if he wanted to. "How've you been?" He asked, trying to change the subject from himself. He knew Séamus wasn't very talkative, but maybe he'd talk right now.

@seamus

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Shay was relieved when Edmund took the nuts and flowers from him – he had been slightly worried that his roommate was just going to think that they were stupid and just crush them or something. Séamus wasn’t much good at comforting people, but at least he hadn’t made anything worse yet, he didn’t think. When Edmund moved over so there was space on the bench, Séamus sat down beside him, wondering if he was going to get to learn what had made Edmund so cranky in the first place. It seemed the other boy didn’t want to talk about his own problems, though, instead choosing to ask Séamus how he had been. “You kn-know h-how it is.” Shay responded with a shrug. He wasn’t sure if he could ever be “good” with the way some of his housemates treated him. Edmund was in much the same boat, but the other boy fought back often enough that he was left alone, most of the time. “The Yule B-Ball was f-fun.” Séamus commented. Maybe it hadn’t been that different from an average day for Shay, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

@edmund

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Edmund huffed a little when the other Slytherin boy commented how he knew how it was. Sure he did. Edmund knew all about how hard it was to by in Slytherin and be a Muggleborn. People looked down on you, tormented you, all that. It was probably worse for Séamus because people took his stutter as a sign for weakness. At least some Slytherin's appreciated the fact that Ed was royalty and treated him decently for that. Or maybe he just didn't take their crap enough that they decided to leave him alone. Either way, it was a relief. "Yeah, I do," he muttered, mostly because he didn't want the other boy to think he was angry at him. Then Séamus mentioned the Yule Ball and Ed grunted. Of course he'd want to talk about that. Most people did. "Glad you enjoyed it," his voice was soft, not at all sounding like he was glad, but it was the best he could do. The Yule Ball happened the night everything broke. "That makes one of us." A part of him wanted to talk about what happened, but he didn't want to hear someone telling him that he needed to talk it through with Addi. The last thing he wanted to do was talk with her.

@seamus

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Edmund agreed that he knew how it was, and Shay just nodded again. That was something that he didn’t want to talk about much – just acknowledging that he shared the same struggle as Edmund was enough for Séamus. The Yule Ball had been the wrong subject to mention, apparently. Edmund said that he was glad that Séamus had enjoyed it, but his tone didn’t sound happy, not like most people were when they discussed the Ball. Ed added that it made one of them – one of them, that was, who had enjoyed the Ball – and Shay tried not to frown. He couldn’t imagine that Edmund wanted to be pitied at the moment. “D-do you w-want to t-talk about it?” Shay asked, figuring that was the most likely way to get Edmund to talk without pressuring him to feel like he needed to talk about it. Sometimes were things got better when they were talked about, and sometimes they were better left undisturbed, at least for a little while, while they healed.

@edmund

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Why hadn't Séamus and Edmund ever really talked that much before? Sure, they were in the same house, same year and very similar situations, but the two had never been close and Edmund was suddenly wondering why. He took a deep breath and sighed when his housemate asked if he wanted to talk about it. Honestly, he didn't, but maybe it would be good for him to get his emotions out. Unless he took them out on Séamus. No, he would try his best not to do that. "I don't know," he admitted in a low voice. "It was supposed to be a great night, but it's really just the night I lost Addi. She was kissing another guy and I saw it and now I don't know what to do with myself. Before Addi and I, I was always angry and bitter towards everyone and I'm feeling that way again, but I don't want that to be me anymore. I want to be someone else and I don't know how to without her." Edmund had no idea if he was making any sense, but he was trying. Maybe Séamus would tell him if he was speaking gibberish?

@seamus

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Edmund said that he didn’t know if he wanted to talk about his feelings about the Yule Ball, so Shay stayed quiet while he decided. Evidently the answer was yes, because he began to speak. His girlfriend had been lost that night, a phrasing which at first confused Séamus. After hearing the story, though, he understood. Addi had kissed someone else…which obviously wasn’t a good thing, as even Shay could tell, despite the fact he had never been in a relationship. Ed explained that before he got together with Addi, he was angry and bitter, and he was becoming that way now again, and Shay chewed his lip. He wanted to be honest, but he was afraid that what he was about to say was going to overstep his bounds. “F-From w-what I’ve h-heard, the p-point of b-being in l-love is having s-someone who m-makes you w-want to m-make yourself a b-better p-person, n-not j-just for th-them, b-but for the w-world.” And obviously, Shay couldn’t profess to being a relationship guru of any sort, but he had seen enough people in love, and loved enough people in a non-romantic sense, to think that his idea of the purpose of love was a sound one. “If you only b-became a b-better p-person when you w-were w-with her, and you d-didn’t st-stay b-better…w-were you r-really b-better at all?” Séamus hated how he sounded like he was trying to be philosophical and like he was on a high horse, but it was a question worth contemplating.

@edmund

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Edmund nodded at his roommate's words. He might not be very close with Séamus, but it was definitely something to consider. A part of him wanted to defend Addi and say that it wasn't her fault he was going back to the old him, but the other part of him didn't want to start talking about that. It was just easier to let it drop. He decided to just voice part of his thought, "But if the problem lies with me and my inability to control my emotions, is it really fair to blame that on someone else?" Sure, Edmund was trying to still be nice to the people around him- thus his conversation with Séamus and his sister the other day, but when he wasn't directly talking with someone, he reverted back to the glowering teen he'd been for years.

@seamus

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Edmund seemed to consider Shay’s proposition, which made the other Slytherin feel good. Maybe he was making at least a little bit of sense. “W-well, you c-credited h-her f-for you g-getting b-better.” Shay said. “S-so w-why w-wouldn’t you s-say it’s h-her f-fault you g-got w-worse again?” Maybe that logic was flawed, but Séamus had never pretended that he was any good at logic. And it made sense to him, at least. If it was Addilyn’s doing that Edmund had become a better person, then it was her doing that he was worse again without her. It seemed that Ed had misunderstood his original argument anyways, though, so Shay tried to put it in a way that used fewer flowery words. “B-besides, w-what I m-meant to s-say w-was that if sh-she w-was r-really g-good f-for you, you w-would still b-be g-good.”

@edmund

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Séamus' logic made sense, but Edmund wasn't sure if he was ready to accept it just yet. Somehow it felt wrong blaming his faults on Addi. He loved her. But he shouldn't. Not anymore, not after what happened and it was eating him up on the inside. He still had feelings for her, but he didn't want to. He nodded to his housemate. "Thanks for trying to help me. I think ... I'm going to need to think it through a little more, but that does make sense to me." Might as well tell Séamus the truth. He didn't want to make the guy think his advice was useless, because it wasn't. "How are classes going for you?" Ed said in an attempt to change the subject a little.

@seamus

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“S-sorry.” Shay said, though he didn’t know what Ed was apologizing for. Edmund had said that the logic did make sense…so why did Séamus still feel like he had done something wrong? He was trying his best not to think too much about it, but Shay wasn’t succeeding in making himself feel like anything less than a kicked puppy, which was frustrating. He was trying to be Edmund’s friend, not beg for his approval. Friends were allowed to disagree with each other. “Cl-classes are…” He could lie and say they were going fine, or speak the truth and say that everything thus far was abysmal. Shay chose the latter. “H-hard. I d-don’t understand m-much. I’m th-thinking of asking a R-Ravenclaw g-girl I kn-know if sh-she’ll b-be m-my t-tutor.” The further into the school year he went, the more Séamus knew he really did need the extra help, but he still wasn’t able to muster up the courage to ask Dom to tutor him.

@edmund

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Edmund shook his head, "No, no. Thanks for telling me that. I just need time to think about it. I appreciate your point of view." Appreciate? Huh. That wasn't something that Edmund normally said, but it was true. While he still felt very conflicted about everything that had anything to do with Addi, he did appreciate that Séamus shared his point of view. Edmund nodded when Séamus said that classes were hard. They were, but he hadn't ever thought about asking for a tutor. "That's a good idea. Do you have a specific Ravenclaw girl in mind?" he asked curiously. How did he not know so much about his roommate?

@seamus

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Edmund brushed off Shay’s apology, and he wasn’t sure whether that was just Ed being polite or the other boy legitimately not thinking an apology was necessary. Séamus was still thinking about that problem when Ed began to talk again, saying that Shay seeking out a tutor was a good idea. At Ed’s question about whether or not he had a specific Ravenclaw girl in mind, Shay nodded. “D-Dominique W-Weasley. Sh-she’s a s-seventh year.” Shay explained. “W-we m-met in the l-library and sh-she r-really h-helped m-me understand T-Transfiguration.” Hopefully Shay didn’t have to add any more for Edmund to realize that Dom could help him just as much in other subjects.

@edmund

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Séamus didn't say anything, so Ed decided to let the subject drop, hoping that he hadn't offended him. He was tired of upsetting people. Considering the way his life was going right now, he didn't need to make any more enemies. Some friends would be nice, though. Edmund nodded when Séamus mentioned a specific girl. A Weasley. The name sent a chill running down his spine, but he knew that was because of Lucy and Ondina. The rest of the Weasleys were probably good, but he didn't know them, so he couldn't say. "That sounds like a good idea then. She's a year older, so she knows what we're learning." He paused a moment, "Have you already asked her to help you out?"

@seamus