don't count the miles [rory]

[Deleted]

july, 2006

Emmy was moving. She still couldn't quite believe it. She was moving. Across an ocean. Her aunt and uncle kept insisting that it would be an adventure, and Emmy loved adventures, but she also loved home. And she loved... No. That was silly. And she couldn't be thinking about that anyways, because she needed to tell him that she was leaving. Emmy wasn't sure how she was going to do it, really, but she also knew that she needed to tell Rory herself, in person, before he heard it from his dad or something. Emmy had pulled her beanie tightly over her head before stepping outside, tucking her hair underneath the cap, but oddly enough, it didn't make her feel secure like it normally did. Just a little bit boxed in. It was summer, which meant that Rory was probably going to be expecting her when she knocked...but he wouldn't be expecting the news. Emmy tried to walk slowly, as if that would somehow delay the inevitable. When she did get to Rory's doorstep, Emmy took a deep breath before knocking three times on the door. She stepped back, waiting obediently for Rory to answer, so she could give him the news that would change their lives forever.

@rory

[Deleted]

Summer was Rory's favorite time of year. He enjoyed the sunshine and the freedom and, most of all, the chance to spend so much time with his best friend Emmy. Today it was her time to come get him when she was ready to do something (they took turns so that one person wasn't always seeking out the other). Rory was trying to be patient even though he was bored out of his mind and really just wanted to get out and do something. He sat on the stairs directly in front of the front door with a book, pretending that he wasn't just waiting for Emmy but if anyone walked by, what he was doing was fairly obvious. Then he heard three knocks on the door. It had to be Emmy. Throwing his book to the side, Rory ran to the door and threw it open with a wide smile on his face. "Emmy! What took you so long?"

@emilia

[Deleted]

Rory came to the door with a smile like the sun on his face. And Emmy felt a little tug in her stomach at the thought that she was going to be the one to bring rain into his day – metaphorically, but also literally, probably, since there were thunderclouds gathering on the horizon of the otherwise blue sky. “Hi, Rory.” She answered, forcing a smile onto her face even though it hurt. “My aunt and uncle wanted to talk to me about something.” She answered in response to his question about where she had been. “Let’s go for a walk, Rory.” Emmy said, holding her hand out for Rory to take. She didn’t really want to be inside when she told him what she needed to tell him, even if it meant getting caught in the rain.

@rory

[Deleted]

Why would it take so long for her aunt and uncle to talk with her? He was curious for a second, but then let it go. He was going to spend the day with his best friend and couldn't imagine how things could get better than that. "Sounds great," he said with a smile, taking her offered hand. It was normal for them to hold hands as they walked around. "So ... do you want to tell me what was so important it took all morning to talk about?" he teased as they walked around. Of course, it hadn't taken all morning and he was exaggerating, but he was curious and Rory wasn't good about keeping those sorts of things to himself.

@emilia

[Deleted]

Emmy was glad that Rory took her hand. His hand was bigger than hers by just a little, and warmer, too. Maybe it would be easier to tell him now? No, it really wasn’t. Rory asked what was so important that it took the whole morning, and he meant it as a joke, but…it wasn’t a joke. Emmy had to resist the urge to squeeze his hand, because then he would know that something was wrong. Emmy bit her lip, and looked up at the sky to distract herself. The thunderclouds were making remarkable progress, eating up most of the blue sky. “Looks like rain is coming.” Emmy said, to distract herself from what she really needed to say. But it came out anyways. “I’m moving.” Emmy said after a long, long pause, still looking up. She had tried to spit the words out quickly, but they had dripped off her lips like molasses, so there was no mistaking what she had said.

@rory

[Deleted]

She didn't laugh at his joke and Rory looked over at his best friend curiously. What could be going on that was so important? That would make his normally-bubbly and excited friend so quiet as they walked along. He decided to wait for a few minutes as they walked along, looking up at the sky when she mentioned that it looked like it was going to rain. He nodded, "Yeah it does. We'll still find something cool to do though." Which probably meant that they would end up playing board games at his house, but you never knew. He and Emmy could be quite creative when they wanted to be. "You're moving?" He echoed, turning so he could look at her face. She was just kidding, right? But this wasn't a funny joke. She couldn't leave! "Where? When?" he asked, squeezing her hand without realizing that he was. She couldn't leave him. What would Rory do without her. He looked back up at the sky to try and hide his internal distress. He couldn't thank about what his life would be like without her here.

@emilia

[Deleted]

Rory said that they’d find something fun to do in spite of the rain, and Emmy once again forced herself to smile, but it felt thin and brittle, like she was one second away from breaking. The news changed Rory’s demeanor entirely, though. He seemed shocked, which made sense, because there hadn’t been a breath of her leaving before that point. Emmy had been shocked, too, but she hadn’t been able to do anything to change it…just like Rory couldn’t change it, either. Emmy tried to say yes when he repeated her news, but she couldn’t get the words out, so she just nodded quietly, looking down from the sky so she could look at Rory instead. That didn’t last long, though, so Emmy looked down at her bare feet instead, scuffing them in the dirt. “I’m moving to America. A city called Baltimore.” She said, voice quiet and slightly choked. Rory was squeezing her hand, and Emmy tried to squeeze back, but couldn’t bring herself to, extricating her fingers from Rory’s instead. “Next week.” It was short notice, but the job that was waiting for her uncle there was apparently an important one, that would be good for the family financially. Emmy knew money was important, but standing there, now, with her stomach in her toes, Emmy wondered if it was important enough to lose her best friend for.

@rory

[Deleted]

"America?!" Rory couldn't stop himself from crying out as he turned his attention back to the girl beside him. She couldn't go to America. He'd never see her again. He wanted to talk to her, wanted to tell her that he understood it wasn't her choice, but Rory couldn't get himself to speak. He was frozen, staring at her sad face. Then she said she was leaving next week. "N-next week?!" He sputtered, unable to really accept the idea of her leaving, much less the timeline. She pulled her hand out of his and Rory flinched. She was pulling away from him now and he didn't know how to handle that. "Emmy, you ... you can't leave me," the words escaped him before he could really stop them and he felt incredibly guilty for them, but he was saying the truth. She couldn't leave him. She was his best friend, the one person who really understood him. She was the one who knew all about what happened with his mother, the one who helped him heal. She couldn't leave. He'd break for certain if she did.

@emilia 

[Deleted]

Rory was getting more and more upset, and Emmy hated to see him this way. She hated that he was hurting, and she hated that she was the cause, and she hated that she couldn’t fix any of it, because it wasn’t her choice! Emmy saw Rory’s flinch when she withdrew her hand, but she couldn’t do it. She had thought holding his hand would make things easier, but then she thought about leaving, and she thought about how it was going to be the last time that she got to hold his hand, and it hurt. Emmy didn’t things that were supposed to hurt this way. Even when her parents had disappeared, Emmy hadn’t ever felt this level of awful. Tears were beginning to streak down her cheeks, and thunder rumbled ominously overhead. “I wish that I had a choice, Rory.” She whispered. “But I don’t.” Rory had to know that if there was anything she could have done to keep this from happening, she would have. But she couldn’t change her aunt and uncle’s minds. She was going to have to leave Rory behind.

@rory

[Deleted]

She'd pulled away from him, but Rory couldn't stand it. The one person that knew him better than anyone else was leaving and there was nothing she could do about it and nothing he could do about it either. He was partially ready for her to push him away, but he moved forward and gave her a huge hug anyway. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her, yet it was happening. "I know Em," he whispered back. "I'm sorry. I just ... I don't know what I'll do without you." He didn't want to make her feel guilty, but it was true. He was going to be lost without her and finding this out suddenly broke him. She was leaving.

@emilia

[Deleted]

Emmy wanted to push Rory away when he hugged her, she really did, but she…couldn’t. She physically could not bring herself to push Rory away in this, the last hug they might ever share. Instead she wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his shoulder, finally letting herself accept that she was going, probably forever. She was leaving behind her best friend, the only real friend she had ever known, and neither of them wanted her to go. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you either, Rory.” She said simply. Everything would be different without him, and she didn’t want that. The longer she stayed with Rory, the more distressed Emmy became, because she was realizing more and more that she really didn’t want to go.

@rory

[Deleted]

Em probably had to go. Either that, or maybe she thought it was awkward for him to hug her for so long, but Rory couldn't let go. He didn't want to. Releasing the hug would be like giving her permission to move, admitting that she was leaving and he didn't want to. He took a deep breath, trying to keep all his emotions inside when she said she didn't know what she'd do without him either. "We can write," he suggested, still hugging her. "Or email or something. We can still be friends, can't we?" Maybe it wasn't fair of him to hold on to her friendship instead of letting her make new friends in her home, but Rory couldn't let her go. Even if she was on a different continent, he wanted to be friends still.

@emilia

[Deleted]

Rory finally released her from the hug, and Emmy stepped back one step, and then another step, so that she wouldn’t be tempted to grab onto him again and never let go. Rory suggested writing, and Emmy nodded. She could write him. It might take a while for the letters to get from America to Scotland, but it would be better than nothing at all. “Of course we can still be friends!” Emmy choked out through her tears, wiping at her cheeks again. “If you think you’re getting rid of me that easily, Rory Williams, then you’re even more of an idiot than I thought you were.” Thunder rumbled again overhead, and Emmy swallowed hard. “We just…can’t think about all of the miles.” It would be easier to think that she was just moving down the road, and that they were sending each other letters because they wanted to, not because that was the only way they could communicate.

@rory

[Deleted]

She kept stepping away from him and Rory felt like his heart was being torn in two. Was this what it was like to lose someone slowly? He already knew the mind-numbing pain of losing someone immediately- that's how it felt when he lost his mother- but somehow this felt just as painful. Maybe he was being dramatic. He breathed out a sigh of relief when Emmy said they could still be friends. She was crying and he wanted to stop it, but he didn't know how. Didn't even know if that was possible. "I never wanted to get rid of you," he said quietly. He wasn't trying to make this harder, but he couldn't bear the idea that she actually thought that might be true. He nodded when she said that they couldn't think about the miles, even though he knew he would. He would try and calculate the distance his letter had to travel, how long it too to get there, and how long it would take before he got one in response. He already knew it would take far too long.

@emilia

[Deleted]

Emmy swallowed hard when Rory said that he never wanted to get rid of her. She nodded slowly, wiping at the tears around her eyes furiously as she sniffled. She didn’t know what to say about everything, and she felt weird crying in front of Rory, and…and she just wanted to be alone so she could be miserable without making Rory even more miserable. “I have to go, Rory.” Emmy said, so quiet that she wasn’t sure if he could actually hear what he was saying. Just then, thunder rumbled one last time and the sky opened up, dumping rain on the two children – and everyone else who was outside, but it felt like it was just the two of them. Emmy took one step backwards, then two, before turning tail and running. She was running away from her best friend. Emmy knew that, and that was probably why the heaviness in her chest wasn’t getting any lighter. When Emmy returned to her aunt and uncle’s house, she was sopping wet, but she didn’t go inside. She sat on the front step, head in hands, and waited for the storm to pass.

@rory