children of an idle mind [natalia]

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Another night, curtains pulled tightly closed around her bed. Everything of importance tucked in a neat pile at the head of her bed, lest someone decided to go rummaging through her trunk while she slept. She curled up small, and Eliza fell asleep.

***

Eliza was sitting in the school courtyard. It must have been a weekend, because she wasn't in uniform, instead her favourite sweater and a sundress. The sun was shining, the air was warm, and she was part basking, part people-watching. Oh, she had a bag with books and parchment and quills and ink, but they were in her bag, at her feet, just there to be there.

It was summer, and it wasn't, it was too soon, she wasn't ready to leave this place, the only home she had right now. She didn't know what she would do. But she was going to try, just for a moment, while the world blurred at the edges, to set that aside and enjoy the moment. A moment of calm, of freedom, without fear.

@natalia

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With everything that had been happening, Natalia had thought that her sleep was going to suffer again. All throughout January she had struggled to fall asleep, and with more stress on her shoulders, she wasn’t sure that she was going to be able to function. It seemed that her body had realized how desperately tired she was, though, and Nat had been falling asleep almost as soon as she got into bed every night. Tonight was no different – her head touched the pillow, and already, she was off.

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She was at Hogwarts, which was strange. Unlike most people, Natalia didn’t associate Hogwarts with safety or happiness. To her, home was the Leaky Cauldron, or Godric’s Hollow. Even when she had met James, the castle had still been a hostile force, surrounded by whispers of her murderous intent or whatever else people had believed. Today, it seemed, the castle was benign. Natalia walked into a nearby courtyard, and saw none other than Eliza Flint. “Eliza!” Natalia called, marginally more confident that this was indeed the Flint girl and not some figment of her imagination with the letters she had been exchanging with the young Slytherin. “We really must stop meeting this way.” Nat said. She couldn’t recall the last time she had seen Eliza in person, but here they were, once again meeting in a place that wasn’t quite reality.

@elizabeth

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Eliza most certainly hadn't been expecting to hear Natalia's voice punctuating her basking - she wasn't a student, after all. But though she hadn't seen her in person since school (and hardly at that), she was sure it was her even before she opened her eyes.

She smiled, and tucked her robe to the side to clear a space to sit. "Natalia, hello!" She blinked twice, clearing away the sun. "You've changed your hair! I don't think I'd dare, but it suits you."

Or at least, the last time she'd dreamed Natalia, the other witch had that hair - blonde and half-shaved - she'd just been panicking too much to process it. She was sure Natalia had been brunette in school though. So why would she have dreamed up different hair? It was all rather odd, but Natalia was here, and Natalia was her friend, and Eliza - well, she'd question it, of course, but she'd accept it in all its oddness too.

@natalia

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For some strange reason, Eliza didn’t seem surprised to see Natalia. In fact, the other girl seemed pleased to see her. Nat didn’t know if she was just flattering herself in saying that, but she was glad that the younger girl was willingly clearing her a place to sit in the courtyard. Already, though, Natalia was beginning to feel strange, like there was someplace else that she ought to be. If Natalia’s developing theory was correct, then the feeling was because she really didn’t belong in Eliza’s dreams. Why it was Eliza Flint, of all people, that Natalia seemed to be tethered to, the Ravenclaw had no clue. It didn’t seem to be going poorly, though – the two were becoming friends, and it was nice, really, to be friends with someone who understood even half of what she was happening to her, as far as everyone dying around her. “Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have dared, either, but it felt like the right thing to do.” Nat said with a smile, sitting down next to the other girl. “Sometimes a physical change is a good way to put the past in the past.” She informed the other girl. “Why Hogwarts?” Nat asked. If she was correct, and this was a dream, then Eliza could have been anywhere in the entire world…so why the place she already was?

@elizabeth

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A physical change being a good way to put the past in the past - "putting the past in the past appeals. Maybe I'll need to consider something like that then." Except that she didn't have anything physical she wanted to change - her hair least of all, when it was already different from her parents.

Why Hogwarts? "Hogwarts is the safest place I know," she said simply. She didn't know all that many, really - school, the Flint mansion, Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley - but even though the Hexen were there, even though there were kidnappings and explosions and Merlin only knew what other dangerous things, Hogwarts was still the safest from the things that hurt the most. Hogwarts was where she was allowed to dream of a world where she wasn't under her parents' thumbs, where she was allowed to be herself. "It's the closest thing I have to home." Figuratively, yes, but literally too.

@natalia

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Natalia gave Eliza a sad smile when the other girl said that putting the past in the past was appealing. They both knew all too well what it was like to have a horrible past, but Natalia helped that she could help Eliza reach the understanding that her past didn’t define her, but it did inform her decisions of today – it couldn’t just be ignored or erased. “If you’re ever interested, perhaps we can have a shopping day, and buy some new clothes.” Natalia suggested. That was a much less permanent, and less scary, change than shaving half her head.

Nat winced when Eliza said that Hogwarts was the safest place she knew. Sometimes she wondered if she had missed something, in never viewing Hogwarts as a safe place or as a home. It seemed like everyone else did, to some degree, even her own sister. “I don’t think a building has been my home for a long time.” Natalia mused. People were her home now – Andy and James, specifically. She couldn’t not be at home when they were around.

@elizabeth

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”I’d like that,” she answered. Shopping was much less permanent than something drastic with her hair. Although, it didn’t make an awful lot of sense to be setting up shopping plans in a dream – they’d come to nothing by morning. But if she remembered, she could mention it in her next letter.

Eliza didn’t miss the wince at her remark that Hogwarts was the safest place she knew. But she was dreaming. If she couldn’t be honest here, where could she be? But Natalia said that home for her wasn’t a place – and it wasn’t a way she’d thought of home before, but home could be people. ”Then Dusti’s my home,” she answered, almost immediately. There was no one else it could be. But – and she bit her lip a moment later, hesitating, second guessing – she wasn’t sure how much longer the reverse would be true. Not that she didn’t like Al, because she did, but she was sure he was at least as important to Dusti as she was.

@natalia

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Natalia smiled at the younger girl when she agreed to the shopping mission. She didn’t know if Eliza would remember this dream, or think it was a real offer, but she liked the prospect. Eliza hadn’t ever had an older sister to do that sort of thing with, and even though Nat did have a younger sister, the Ravenclaw imagined there were a hundred things Andy would rather do then go browsing through a boutique.

At the declaration of Eliza’s sister being her home, Nat’s smile became softer. “I’m glad.” Andy was her home, too, and so was James. All of a sudden, Nat’s head began to spin, and the feeling that she was in the wrong place grew to be something unbearable. She felt a little sick to her stomach. Nat stood abruptly. “I think I have to go now.” She said. The words were barely out of her mouth when she felt like she was fading…

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The bedroom was dark and quiet, and Natalia had no trouble rolling over and going back to sleep. What a pleasant dream…

@elizabeth