All You Wanted Was Somebody Who Cares (Dustin)

[Deleted]

The people at St. Mungos decided Ev didn’t need to stay overnight, which was a good thing. After Dustin left, she fell unconscious from sheer exhaustion. When she woke up, the healers gave her a few potions and told her she was free to go home when she wanted, but that she needed to relax. Ev could do that. After they left, she and Rocco finally spoke with one another. And she ended it. Ended them. Ended everything. And why not? She already lost Dustin due to her lies, and Rocco had been a part of that, telling the world about them while she was unconscious. Why couldn’t he just keep his emotions to himself and come to her when it was safe, when it wouldn’t be suspicious? She didn’t understand, but he didn’t do it and she could not forgive that. All the people she cared about were now finding out one of the most important things about her life from the news, not from her, and that was his fault. Their fault for having it be a secret in the first place, but his for revealing it. Rocco begged her not to, told her he loved her and Ev almost caved to that, but she didn’t and eventually he left.

That was when she apparated to her apartment. Before any of the healers could stop her and before she could think about how unwise it was, apparating in her weakened condition. Luckily she arrived in one piece. Physically, that was. The second she knew she was in her apartment, Ev crumpled to the floor in a heap, sobbing. She lost Dustin and Rocco- the two people most dear to her- in one day.

Quite honestly, all she wanted to do was go to Dustin’s house and cry on him, release all her emotions with him, but she couldn’t. He wouldn’t want her to because their friendship was over and she wasn’t going to force herself on someone who didn’t want to be around her. But still … he got angry with her because she kept things from him. She didn’t know if he cared at all, but Ev somehow decided that if he found out about her breaking up with Rocco and it wasn’t from her, that things would get worse. So she dragged herself off the floor and to her desk, where a piece of parchment was sitting. She grabbed it and wrote, ignoring the fact that her usually impeccable handwriting was almost illegible and that her tears were smudging several of the words.

            Dustin,

                    I know you can’t forgive me for what I did and I’m not trying to change your mind. I needed to tell
                    thought you would want to know that it’s over, we’re not, I ended it. I just didn’t want you to find
                    out another way.

            ~Ev

She called Jet from his perch and tied the note to his leg. “To Dustin,” she breathed before sinking to the floor once more and losing herself in her emotions.

@dustin

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Dustin was in a foul mood, and just about everyone in the world seemed to know it. After leaving Evelyn in the hospital, he had stormed home, and spent the next hours brooding. Not just over her, but about everything, and how unfair life was. He had thought, just two short months ago, that everything was perfect. He had had a girlfriend he adored and a best friend who seemed to understand him, even if she didn’t understand most other people. Now it turned out his girlfriend was a bigot and his best friend was a liar, and he was just left in the midst of their destruction. His parents hadn’t even tried to talk to him, and Dustin had skipped his dinner in favor of sulking. He knew that pitying himself and brooding wasn’t making anything better, but he honestly didn’t care. Everything sucked, and he didn’t know who to talk to about it, because it seemed like everyone had already taken Evelyn’s side, or didn’t know enough about the situation for him to be able to talk to them about it without first giving an extensive amount of backstory. He was frustrated, and without an outlet for his anger, he was just building up more and more rage. When an owl pecked at the window to be let in, Dustin was damn near ready to shatter the glass instead of going up and opening it like a normal human being. But because the owl was worried – he wouldn’t say about what, but the emotion rolled off the animal in waves – and Dustin wasn’t an asshole, he walked over to the window, throwing it open and then taking the note off of its leg. Dustin was surprised to see Ev’s signature at the bottom of the page. He hadn’t even recognized her owl…probably because they saw each other so much in person that writing letters was just horribly inefficient. He read the letter quickly, and then reread it. Evelyn and Rocco had broken up? Dustin wasn’t sure what to do, honestly. He had been angry, but he hadn’t wanted this to happen, because even when he was angry at Ev, she was still his best friend, and she was obviously hurting. Dustin’s own writing was chicken scratch, otherwise he would have had more of a hard time deciphering the letter, which was tear stained and hastily written. Now, he was left with a choice. He could write back, or he could do the sensible thing, and go and see Evelyn. Dustin wasn’t often called sensible, but this time, he was going to be. He told Ev’s owl to leave without a return message, and then closed the window. Dustin knew he probably ought to tell his parents he was leaving, but he still didn’t feel like talking to them. He was just going to Ev because he was a good best friend, not because he was any less pissed. Dustin Apparated away with a sharp crack, landing neatly on Evelyn’s doorstep, and then knocked on the door. His knocks were definitely heavier than they needed to be to announce his presence, but they sounded more urgent that way, too, so Dustin didn’t regret the fact that he might have annoyed the neighbors with his knocking.

@evelyn

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Ev didn't know how long she sat there, crying. She didn't know if Dustin got her letter, and assumed that if he did he wouldn't care. He couldn't forgive her, didn't want to be her friend anymore and Ev was just going to have to accept that. She would also have to accept he fact that she lost Rocco as well, probably forever. She should just stop trying to connect to people and stop caring about them and their thoughts and opinions. She wasn't good at being a friend or a girlfriend, so what was the point in trying? She should just go back to her books, but at the same time, a part deep inside of her didn't want to. She shuddered on the floor at the all-encompassing pain. She couldn't believe she lost the two people she cared about most within twenty-four hours of one another, and in both cases it was her fault. No matter how hard she tried, Ev couldn't seem to pull herself up off the floor, nor could she stop the tears and the shaking. She couldn't gain control of her emotions, which was something new for her.

When she heard the knocks on the door, Ev thought for a moment that she was imagining things. Who would be coming to see her? Her parents? No, not without telling her they were coming. Rocco? No, she told him not to and she was positive he respected her enough to stay away. Dustin? No, he hated her for lying to him. As he should. Ev decided she didn't care. A small part of her hoped it was the people that were attacking muggleborns. If they attacked her it wouldn't be pleasant, but at least she wouldn't feel broken anymore. She lifted her wand and waved it at the door, trying once more to gain control of her emotions. It was no use. She didn't look at the door, not wanting to see who was there while in this state of uncontrollable emotions. It couldn't be any of the people she wanted to see, so what was the point?

@dustin

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After waiting a while for an answer, Dustin wondered if he was going to have to kick the door in or something otherwise dramatic. He knew that Evelyn was here, because there was no way that the Healers would let her go back to practice, and she spent most of her time on the pitch, with him, or at home. Since the first two options weren’t possible, she had to be at home. Luckily for Dustin, he didn’t have to kick down the door, because it opened. Dustin stepped through and shut the door gently behind him, a little stunned by the scene in front of him. Evelyn was on the floor, sobbing like there was no tomorrow. Seeing his best friend, who normally wasn’t all that in-tune with her emotions so completely lost in them was a little… weird, for one thing, and uncomfortable, for another. He was still so angry at Ev, but seeing her crying on the floor was enough to make him forget his anger, at least for a little bit. Dustin sat down next to Evelyn, and wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t know what to say, but he had come. He was here. That had to count for something, didn’t it?

@evelyn

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Ev didn't hear anyone enter the room, but the fact that curses weren't flying meant she probably wasn't going to be attacked. Maybe she imagined someone knocking and now her door was just wide open to the public. Oh well, she didn't care. Ev didn't hear the door close and decided that she had imagined the knock. Then she felt arms wrap around her and Ev froze, still unable to control her sobs. She turned slightly to see who was holding her and couldn't believe her eyes. "D-D-Dustin," she stuttered, shivering as tears continued to roll down her cheeks. She turned the rest of the way and wrapped her arms around his waist, seeking comfort from hugging him as well as from having his arms around her. "I-I ... didn't think you'd ever w-want to s-s-see me again," she admitted through the tears. She didn't really plan on telling him that, it just kind of slipped out and she hoped it wouldn't make him angry. She hugged him tighter, trying to stop herself from shivering and failing. "Thank you." For coming, obviously, though she couldn't force herself to say anything else. Dustin would probably know what she was trying to say. After all, he did know her better than anyone else, though he might not think that anymore. 

@dustin

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Almost immediately after he sat down beside her, Evelyn’s arms were around Dustin, which was something that he hadn’t expected – even though, in hindsight, he definitely should have. She was upset, and he was upset, and they were both upset and just needed to be held. When Ev said that she didn’t think he’d want to see her, Dustin shook his head insistently. “I’m angry, Ev, but friends get angry at each other sometimes.” If this was anyone else, then Dustin wouldn’t have believed that he needed to explain this to them, but it was Evelyn, and he had had to lead her through the whole friendship thing. It just so happened that he’d never had to lead her through something like this before. “I just…you know, we don’t need to talk about this right now.” He said with a sigh. He could talk for hours about why he was angry, but Dustin hadn’t come because Evelyn had wanted to talk about their situation, but because she was upset about something that had happened. “What’s going on?” Her letter had been sparse on the details… actually, rather nonexistent on the details. And that had been one of the reasons why he had come so quickly, instead of just letting the letter sit on his desk until he had the heart to answer it.

@evelyn

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Dustin was here, which made things better in a way because she wasn't alone, but Ev was still hurting emotionally and didn't know how to handle that. Which was why Dustin being here was so good, because he knew how to help her. He'd helped her through emotions before (though never anything as fierce as this) He shook his head fiercely at her idea that he wouldn't want to see her, telling her that friends sometimes get angry at one another. So that meant ... "Y-y-you still want to be my fr-friend then?" she stuttered through her tears. Him being there probably meant yes, but Ev needed confirmation. She needed to know that Dustin would still be there for her because without him and Rocco she would feel utterly alone, and Rocco wasn't coming back. He started to say something else, but then stopped and Ev was too exhausted to push and figure out what he'd meant to say. At his question, Ev finally realized that she hadn't told him what happened. He knew ... what? She tried to remember what she put in the letter but couldn't. So she would have to tell him everything. Still hugging Dustin, she told him what happened. "I-I broke it off," her voice began hesitantly, but as she spoke, she got angrier, which was evident in her. "I just ... he broke his promise. He told the whole world about us when I was unconscious and had no idea and I wasn't ready for it. I just don't understand why he couldn't just wait. It wasn't like he did anything for me from the time he told everyone we were engaged to the moment I woke up. The healers did. He couldn't help me, so why couldn't he stay to the side and come when it wouldn't be suspicious? I'm not- I wasn't ready for everyone to know. I hadn't told the three people that mattered most to me yet and he just announced it to the world unnecessarily." At this point her voice started softening slowly, "So I told him I couldn't do this anymore. I ... I chased him away, just like I chase everyone away." Ev's throat tightened with emotion as tears started falling once more, though not as strongly as before. "I'm sorry. I don't- I don't know what to do anymore. I just, can't think about it any longer. I can't think anymore." She tensed as she waited to hear Dustin's response. Would he think her decision was ridiculous, just as Rocco had? Would he tell her she made the wrong decision too?

@dustin

[Deleted]

This entire situation was eight kinds of complicated, and Dustin was doing his best not to get overwhelmed with it all. He knew whenever he left Evelyn’s apartment he was going to have a lot to think about, but he kept trying to push his thoughts aside, with various degrees of success. He was able to dispel most of his anger, but some of it was still sitting heavy in his chest. It wasn’t so bad that Dustin couldn’t ignore it, though, and that was all that he asked for. Evelyn asked if he still wanted to be her friend, and Dustin nodded. “I need some time. But it will get better, Ev.” Dustin couldn’t be mad forever, and he recognized that. However, he also recognized that if he didn’t let himself feel what he was feeling, he was just going to explode at her later about something totally pointless. He had come when she had called, but when she didn’t need him anymore, he was going to retreat and try to work through his feelings like the responsible adult that he was trying to be.

Evelyn said that she broke things off with Rocco, and Dustin squeezed her a little tighter. He knew what it was like to break up with someone that you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. His situation with Vi was a little different, but the end result was the same: a broken heart. “I don’t know why Rocco did what he did.” Dustin answered, though Ev had never really asked his opinion on the subject. “But I think you have the right to be angry at him about it.” Something like that wasn’t something to be announced without serious discussion. Dustin still hadn’t told anyone about Vi – what he had told Evelyn about her was hardly enough to identify her or ruin her life or cause her friends and family to push her away, the way Rocco’s announcement had for Evelyn. His friend said that she was always chasing people away, and Dustin sighed. “The thing with chasing people away, Ev, is that there are people who are going to come back, no matter how hard you try to get them not to.” Like him. He had come back despite everything that had happened, and he intended to keep coming back, because Evelyn was his best friend. If Rocco was too thick to see that she was the best he was ever going to get, then that was his loss.

@evelyn

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Ev was confused. She knew that probably had something to do with the fact that she was crying too much and her head was pounding and how was she supposed to make sense of anything right now? The one thing she thought she was understanding (and hoped that she was right with) was that Dustin really wasn't going to leave for good. He nodded to say he was still her friend, but then told her he needed time. Time. The thing that was supposed to heal all wounds, if the books she'd read were true. She nodded, still crying against him and relieved that he was there. She couldn't think of anything else to say though.

As she explained about Rocco, Dustin's hold on her tightened. She tensed once she finished explaining, waiting to hear him say that she was wrong, that she shouldn't have broken things off ... but he didn't. Knowing that Dustin agreed with what she'd done meant more to her than Ev would be able to express, even if she knew how, which she didn't. All she really knew was that she was a mess and that Dustin was trying to help, even though he was mad at her. "Thank you," she muttered. Then he talked about people who would come back no matter what and Ev looked up at him for a moment. He was right. Ev didn't know how she was supposed to know who would come back and who wouldn't, but at the moment there were three people she was sure of and she was going to rely on them. Dustin and her parents. She nodded, finally starting to calm down a little bit. She still felt broken and torn apart inside, but somehow Dustin's words helped her find peace for the moment, but still ... he'd said he needed time. Time away from her to calm down, probably. She took a deep, shaky breath and looked up at him. "You're the best friend I could have ever asked for." She wasn't trying to make him leave, but she didn't want him to feel like he had to stay. She wasn't better yet, still had lots of tears asking to be let out, but she had no intention of being a further burden. She'd just go to the couch after he left and let her tears out then. "You don't have to stay," she offered, really meaning it and hoping he could sense her gratitude.

@dustin

[Deleted]

Evelyn tensed in his arms, and Dustin wondered if he had said something wrong in offering his opinion about Rocco and the break off of the engagement. She thanked him, though, so her tenseness might not have been to do with his actual reaction, but maybe just her anticipation of his reaction, or maybe the emotions surrounding everything. Dustin couldn’t bring himself to respond to her thanks, worried that he would do or say something that made him sound even more bitter than he already was. Dustin was surprised by what she said next, though – that he was the best friend that she could ever ask for. After everything, he didn’t know why she was still so sure of his ability to be a good friend to her. “I’m trying, Ev.” Dustin said, his voice cracking a little. He was trying to be the kind of friend she deserved, even though he had obviously failed if she didn’t’ feel comfortable talking to him about Rocco. Beyond that, though, he was trying to untangle his emotions and bring himself to be able to forgive her. He needed to know that she knew that – that she knew that he wasn’t just holding a grudge because he wanted to. Ev said that he didn’t have to stay, and Dustin hesitated. He knew that he had just told Evelyn that he needed time, but it felt wrong to leave now. And more than that… Dustin didn’t think that he wanted to leave. He wanted to make sure that she was alright, because if he left her still upset and crying he would just worry about her all day, and then he wouldn’t be able to process all of the other emotions that he had repeatedly told himself he needed to confront. “I don’t have to do anything.” Dustin said slowly. “But if you don’t want me to leave… I think I want to stay.” Dustin said. He had left Evelyn an out, if her saying that he didn’t have to stay was the same as her telling him to leave. But unless she was kicking him out, Dustin was going to stay – just like he promised he would.

@evelyn

[Deleted]

Dustin was here, but everything still just felt so ... hard. Ev couldn't get control of her emotions. She was shaking as she cried, but Dustin seemed to be emotional too. At least, his voice cracked when he said he was trying to be her best friend. Didn't that mean he was having a hard time? She wasn't good at these things, but it sounded like he was. She squeezed her arms tight, shaking her head against him. He had to know what he meant to her. Even though she'd lied and kept secrets, she still needed him to understand this. "You are, Dus. You are my best friend. None of this is your fault; it's all-" her breath caught in her throat. "all me. I'm not good at sharing and opening up and-" she stopped, not knowing how to finish her thoughts. How could she explain this to him without just making him angry again? That was the last thing she wanted to do since he was trying to help her now. He seemed to freeze for a second when she told him that he didn't have to stay. Ev pulled back a little, not wanting to make him feel like she was saying he could leave and then holding him there at the same time. He said he didn't have to do anything and she nodded slowly as she took in his words. Then he said he thought he wanted to stay and Ev's eyes widened as she leaned toward him again and the tears came back. "I don't want you to leave," she whispered, curling up into a ball right next to him. 

@dustin

[Deleted]

Dustin sighed a little when Evelyn said that he was her best friend, and that none of this was his fault. He wished that he could accept that, and put all of the blame on her for being secretive and distrusting or whatever else had inspired her not to share, but that wasn’t fair to either of them. He hadn’t been perfect, as much as he would have liked to believe otherwise. Evelyn said that she wasn’t good at sharing and opening up, and Dustin couldn’t disagree with that, but he should have done something. “I didn’t even know that there was anything to open up about.” He said softly. He should have been better at reading her, and known that there was something different about her. But he hadn’t. Dustin kept returning to that one simple premise: there were a hundred things that he should have done, but didn’t. They said that hindsight was the only perfect vision, and Dustin was feeling the truth of that particularly statement keenly in that moment. If he had told her about Vi sooner, maybe she would have said something about Rocco. Dustin was about to run through about a hundred more hypotheticals when Evelyn said that she didn’t want him to leave. He didn’t want to go, and Evelyn didn’t want him to leave, so things should have been simple. But they weren’t. Dustin still felt strange and out of place at Evelyn’s side. He was hoping that spending a little time together might remedy that, so when Evelyn curled into a ball next to him, Dustin just slung his arms around her shoulders, letting silence wash over them.

@evelyn
(we can end here maybe? or do more if you want lol)