life's a beautiful mystery [cordie]

[Deleted]

Emmy was more excited about this day in Hogsmeade than she had expected when the idea was first pitched. She had spent some time responding to her fan mail, and through that process she had developed an interest in several people who promised to try to attend the book signing. Why they were in a pub, Emmy didn’t know, but her publisher had reserved a room in the back that was only marginally quieter than the main room. Emmy was a little worried that it was going to be difficult to find her, tucked into the back, but there was a big poster in the window proclaiming the signing, so Emmy was hoping that that would be enough. She was sitting at a large table with stacks of books rising up in columns on either side of her. Behind her was another poster, this one proclaiming the release date for her next book – the first of August. She had wanted it to be earlier, but her publisher didn’t want her publishing before the last day of July, since that was Harry Potter’s birthday, and apparently every year brought a new slew of Harry Potter related paraphernalia on the date of his birth. Why waiting only one day made a difference, Emmy didn’t know, but it wasn’t her choice to make. She liked that she had a deadline for her next novel, though, because it made it infinitely easier to motivated herself to write.

Sitting behind the desk, Emmy’s excitement quickly wore out. The room was slightly overheated to compensate for it being winter outside, and Emmy was sure that once there were actually people inside, it was going to be completely intolerable. Every time she stood up to stretch or something, she was glared at until she sat back down. Apparently people seeing the bottom half of her body was a no-no. Emmy rolled her eyes at the thought. She fiddled with her quill and ink pot, occasionally glancing towards the door as she waited for people to appear.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

Cordelia was absolutely a nervous wreck. Whilst she had mentally prepared for today, thinking about it a week or even a month ago was far different than this morning. She had been anticipating going to this book signing for ages, even long before she knew it was going to be held in Hogsmeade. The plan had been to drag her mum to one over the summer break, since that was the only time she knew she would have a lot of free time. But the recent back and forth conversation with the author, Emilia Pond (or was it Emmy? That was how the author signed the letters, but Cordelia was too afraid to ask at this point), had alerted her of this book signing date, and she conveniently didn’t have anything else going on. That meant free time to prepare and go to this thing. The Hufflepuff wasn’t as ready as she thought though. The day before had brought on second thoughts, the possibility that the author wasn’t as nice as she had been in the letters, or that maybe Cordelia’s critique of her first book, Seven, might have angered her, and left the author time to come up with a way to publically embarrass her for a rather innocent opinion on a semi-decent piece of literature. She knew that it was ridiculous to think that, but the thought still managed to penetrate her mind and force its way to the front of everything, and she increasingly became more terrified to go. Initially, Cordelia had asked a friend to go with her, but they never responded back in time, so she also had to go through with this one her own.

After breakfast, she stood in the entrance hall of the school, still mentally debating what to do. She knew Emmy would be disappointed if she didn’t show; she had stated numerous times that she was going to try her best and force herself to go, even if there were other things that she needed to do. The book signing won in the end. Taking a deep breath, Cordelia forced one foot in front of the other the entire way to Hogsmeade. She knew that it was being held in the Three Broomsticks, which seemed rather odd for a signing, but she wasn’t a publisher. What did she know? One of the victories in her head that led her to going was the fact that maybe Emmy wouldn’t know it was her, and she could simply go up, get the book signed, and then leave. It wasn’t exactly a glorious encounter, but it was better than stumbling all over her words. She knew it was going to happen. It always did. But this was all a part of her goal to get over the stuttering. There was a chance that it would never go away completely, but working her confidence up enough to get through life was hopefully one way of stopping it before it got any worse than it already was.

She entered the Three Broomsticks stealthily, head down, eyes averted form the wandering gaze of anyone that decided to look her way. Cordelia supposed she was glad that she hadn’t turned out to be unnaturally tall. Then she would have been like Rubeus. Not that it was a bad thing, but she knew herself too well, and being tall would probably invite the inevitable clumsiness to increase tenfold from what it was already at. As she made her way inside, she tugged her scarf loose from her neck. Why was it so warm in here? The necessity for the scarf probably wasn’t that integral, but she had had a feeling that pacing back and forth in front of the pub could have happened, so she had prepared accordingly. Loosening it up more, Cordelia scanned the room quickly, trying not to invite anyone over to her. She knew what Emmy looked like; pictures always drew her attention, and the poster on the window outside the pub confirmed what she already knew. So far though, there was no sign of the author. It hadn’t ended already, had it?

Wandering around a little more, Cordelia turned her head every so often to see if it was possibly in a different room. The first few inlets were only occupied by normal customers. Then she saw it. The corner of a poster caught her eye, and while she couldn’t see if there was anyone in this room, she knew it was the right place. Biting down on her lip, she inched closer to the place. Hopefully there were other people in there aside from her and Emmy. That would probably end up terribly awkward, no help from her. Peeking in, she could feel her heart drop. Just the author. Taking a deep breath, Cordelia stepped through the door. It was now or never. If she couldn’t do something this simple, then she would never be able to be a healer. She had sent dozens of letters back and forth with this woman, how hard could it be to talk to her in person? “I-I-I…” she started as she reached the table. Nice. That was a perfect way to introduce herself. “H-H-Hello…” Cordelia managed out after another few seconds of silence.

[Deleted]

Eventually Emmy’s publisher had gotten bored of waiting for people to come in and talk to Emmy. She exited the room, leaving Emmy totally alone… which meant that she could do whatever she well pleased. Emmy was hopeful that her publisher’s absence meant that she was going to find people and give more specific directions to where the event was being held, since everything was kind of up in the air. It hadn’t been Emmy’s choice, but she was dealing with the ramifications of it. Since she was alone, and bored, Emmy noticed the flicker of movement at the door almost instantly, hiding a smile behind the premise of a cough when she saw a flash of blonde hair and a single blue eye peering through the gap in the door. She pretended not to notice, though, painting a look akin to surprise on her face when the girl stepped through the door. Emmy already had a sneaking suspicion of who it was – there was only one person who she had hounded so thoroughly about coming to the event – but when the girl spoke, it was confirmed. “Hi.” Emmy responded with a broad smile. “You’re Cordelia, yeah?” If she wasn’t, then things could potentially be awkward, but Emmy didn’t know of any other fans of hers with stutters that were coming today, so she felt safe with her assumption. Emmy slid a book off the top of the stack, and slid it across the table towards Cordie. “For you.” Loyalty was something that ought to be rewarded.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

Wow. It was actually happening. She couldn’t believe it was happening. Cordelia, while still very much a nervous wreck, had managed to drag her legs through the door and into the room that hosted the book signing. She could already tell that this was going to be one of those decisions that she would never regret. A few of those had already happened this year, and she was happy to grant that to her efforts at being more sociable. Or at least showing up in social spaces. Actually being social was a completely different story. That would probably be next year’s task. After that, she was going to be thrown to the sharks in whatever profession she chose. Getting a head start, or catching up to the starting line in her case, was most certainly going to be needed. But right now she had made another successful move. As long as she didn’t botch it with her stuttering, then everything was going to go smoothly.

Emmy responded to her greeting, and Cordelia took a few more steps towards the table. The same poster from outside was in here as well, and so were stacks of books. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen this many copies of the same book in one place. Not even Flourish & Blotts had stocked the author’s last book at this amount. Cordelia had had a tough time getting a copy since she had forgotten to request an advanced copy. She found one eventually, but only after scouring numerous magical bookstores across London. Each and every time she had asked if the stores had one, she was either looked at like she was daft, or met with a resounding no. Not her fault she had trouble communicating things effectively. It actually kind of was, but not really. “Th-That’s m-m-me,” Cordelia finally answered after another few moments of silence. She hadn’t even noticed her own captivation with the books. Their lengthy string of letters had ensured that this was going to be slightly more personable, and while it was still going to be tough for her, she was going to do her best regardless. Thankfully she had the forethought to mention the stutter and severe shyness. Having looked back at her letters a few days ago, Cordelia realized how strong she had come across in some of the letters. That wasn’t normally how she was at all.

A book was placed in front of her on the table, and Cordelia observed it, tilting her head to the side slightly. This was for her? From Emmy? She picked it up, not daring to break her gaze from it for a second. For whatever reason, she felt like if she looked away it would disappear. Like this was all a dream. “I-I-I d-don’t-” Cordelia cut herself off from continuing the stammered mess of a sentence. She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to communicate there either. “Thank y-you.”

[Deleted]

There was a silence that hung in the air after Emmy asked if the girl was Cordelia, almost to the point where Emmy was worried that she had actually gotten something wrong and the girl was trying to figure out how to explain what her actual identity was. Luckily, after the silence, the blonde confirmed that she was indeed who Emmy thought she was, and the author let out a soft breath, a smile spreading across her face. Maybe the silence had just been so she could string words together? Emmy hated to be cocky, but it would make anyone a little awestruck if they were able to meet their hero, so the lack of speech might have been for that reason. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” Emmy said, smile widening. This had been the one interactions she was really looking forward to, so having it happen as the first big event of the day was nice, indeed. Emmy glanced behind Cordelia, and was slightly glad to see that it appeared no one else was coming through the door. She would have hated to have to cut their conversation short in order to schmooze with another customer. Emmy was fairly good at schmoozing, but she preferred real conversation over trying to seduce someone into buying her book with way too many fake smiles and oozy fake charm.

When Emmy slid the book across the table, Cordelia seemed a bit taken aback. She began to speak, stuttering even more than before and saying that she didn’t…? Didn’t what? The blonde never finished her sentence, but Emmy was okay with that, since neither of them seemed to know where it was going. “You’re very welcome.” Emmy responded when the young fan decided instead to thank her for the copy of the book. “How has your morning been?” Emmy asked, deciding to small talk a little more before she started asking Cordelia more difficult questions about her photography projects and whether or not they needed a financial backer.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

Even though she had already talked and accepted the book, Cordelia was starting to feel like maybe this was a mistake. She wasn’t physically or mentally prepared for any of it, even though she had convinced herself that she was. Getting psyched up about it earlier now felt like it had happened days ago. The initial excitement was dwindling and her anxieties were kicking in. The worst part? She knew what to talk about and how to conduct the conversation, and that getting worried about all of it was silly and irrational. Yet it was still happening. Her worries about worrying were far more dangerous than what would happen before presenting a project or casting a spell in front of an entire class. Those usually ended in complete shut downs once she completed her task. She was afraid this one was going to start going downhill if she wasn’t careful about it. Too many thoughts rang through her head, only aiding in her own turmoil. “N-Nice t-to m-m-meet y-you…” she trailed off into a whisper. This wasn’t good at all. They had talked at length in their letters. This should have been easier because of that.

Cordelia started to wonder if this kind of thing happened to Emmy, or famous people in general, a lot. She was sure being star struck would affect the average person, either leaving them speechless for a few moments or stumbling over their words. The movies had taught her that. But was this what happened with people like her? Completely shutting down or not being able to form a full sentence was kind of ridiculous. That was why she had been working on it. The last thing she wanted to do was look like an idiot in front of her idol. What a way to win over friends that was. She maintained her attention on the book as Emmy continued on, asking her about her morning. It wasn’t that amazing, considering most of it had been spent debating about showing up here. She very well couldn’t say that though. “T-T-Tough,” she admitted. “N-Nervous…”

[Deleted]

Emmy strained to hear when Cordelia began to say that it was nice to – nice to something. By the end of the sentence the blonde was talking too quietly for the redhead to hear, so Emmy had to guess at what she had meant to say. The author didn’t think it was too large of a jump in logic to think that Cordelia had said that it was nice to meet her, since Emmy had just said the same pleasantry. Emmy was trying to keep her focus on the conversation, since it was evident that Cordelia was nervous, but already in the back of her head she was trying to think of ways to help the younger woman break out of her shell. Emmy would have thought that one-on-one interaction would have been easier, but maybe having someone else to fall back on if she ever started stuttering too badly would have been the better choice for Cordelia? Trying to solve the problem without the necessary data was proving difficult.

Cordelia moved on to answering Emmy’s question, about how the morning had been. Emmy’s face twisted into a frown when Cordelia said that it had been tough. After a beat, she said that she was nervous, which explained a bit more why the morning had been difficult to begin with. “I’m sorry.” Emmy said apologetically. She wasn’t in the habit of apologizing for things that weren’t her fault, but she had been the one to encourage – almost demand – Cordelia to come. She hadn’t ever intended to make the poor girl nervous. It was strange, because she had said in their letters that she hadn’t been good at social interaction, but Emmy hadn’t really believed her, since the letters had all been so well articulated and interesting. Emmy wondered if bringing the letters up as a reminder would make things better or worse. “I’m just me.” She said, mustering a level of enthusiasm she didn’t often use (and was often reserved for the younger end of her reader spectrum). “There’s no need to be nervous.” Emmy hoped that declaring so didn’t make everything even worse.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

“N-No-No n-need to b-be s-sorry,” Cordelia back peddled, talking a little faster than she normally did. “I-I um…I w-work m-myself up a lot.” There was no way she could blame Emmy for any of this seeing as it was all completely her fault. She wasn’t one of those people. She had talked to other students about her issue, or listened rather, and most seemed to think that it wasn’t her fault for being the way she was. They weren’t wrong, but at the same time they weren’t right. Cordelia knew where the blame was to be placed, and if it wasn’t all on her, it was with her parents. At her age though, it was more her problem than it was theirs, so fixing it, or at least trying to make it better, was all on her. She knew this encounter with Emmy never would have happened a year or two ago, even with her mum at her side. It was one of the many things she had been working up the courage to do, so letting the author take the fall for something that wasn’t her fault at all was not something Cordelia was going to do.

She nodded her head as Emmy said she was just herself. That meant the same person that she had talked to in the letters, right? She could work with that. Cordelia knew she would never be as frank as she had been throughout their correspondence, that was simply something she wasn’t ready for yet, but getting over the general nerves and anxiety was possible. “Has-Has it b-been b-busy?” she inquired, hoping to get away from the talk about her being nervous. Diverting attention away from the problem always seemed to help. “I-I w-was expecting a l-l-line.” From the amount of books on the table, it looked like she was one of the first, if not the first, person there. She couldn’t understand why. Emmy’s books were extremely popular from her understanding. Sure, she didn’t have that many friends that liked thrillers and mysteries, but there had to be other people out there.

[Deleted]

The young blonde said there was no need to be sorry, but Emmy’s mouth was still twisted into a frown. She knew that part of the reason the girl was saying that was because Emmy really was blameless in this situation, but still… how could she, or anyone else, not feel bad in this situation? Cordelia wasn’t having fun, and the whole purpose of this meet and greet and book signing was to give her fans a place to have fun and get to meet other like-minded individuals. So far Emmy was failing on both counts when it came to Cordelia. The Hufflepuff said that she worked herself up easily, and Emmy nodded, not sure what she could say to that. Maybe if it was nerves and working herself up that was making Cordelia anxious, it was for the better that weren’t any other people there.

Apparently, Cordelia had keyed into the fact that there weren’t other people around, and the girl asked if it had been busy. “No, not really.” Emmy said with a bit of a nervous laugh. She had really expected it to be a lot busier, and she hoped that Cordie didn’t see it as a sort of failing on Emmy’s part. It wasn’t, of course, but Emmy wasn’t sure if her pride would take one of her fans becoming less of a fan because of one poor event. “I think that the location isn’t the best for something like this.” Tucked into the back of a pub would not have been Emmy’s first choice for this meet and greet, but it had been the only place that had been available, if the publisher was to be believed. “Are there not that many meeting rooms near here?” She asked. Cordelia probably had a better sense of the area and what was available for accommodations and meetings than Emmy did, since the latter had just moved to London and hadn’t had time to explore the other areas.

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

Emmy didn’t respond, so that meant it was fine now, right? She was still frowning though, so Cordelia wasn’t too sure. All the Hufflepuff knew was that the author did nothing wrong to her. These were things that were going to happen to her regardless of who she was with or where she was going. She had to get over them eventually, and putting herself (or forcing, rather) into these situations was the only way they were going to be fixed. Saying all that to Emmy was too much to unload though, and she was sure that the author wouldn’t want to hear it. That much could be put in a letter and talked about later. In actuality, Cordelia knew she wouldn’t even be able to talk at length without it coming out like a stuttering, stumbling mess of words. They were both better off without that happening.

Cordelia frowned. Why wasn’t anyone else here? She had been sure to share Emmy’s books to her friends over the last few years. While that was only about three other people, they had said that they enjoyed the mysteries, though apparently not as much as the Hufflepuff had. She was a little more into mysteries than most were, and that was in both the magical and non-magical world. A good mystery, or story for that matter, transcended all of that stuff, just like pictures did. Though the mystery of why no one else was here was something else altogether. “The p-poster was a l-l-little hard t-to s-see,” Cordelia mentioned, looking back towards the door again to see if anyone else was going to enter any time soon. She had known the signing was in the Three Broomsticks already, but a casual passerby who was possibly interested never would have spotted the poster indicating that it was inside. “I-I d-don’t know. M-Maybe the school?” Any student would flock to that, just to see something different for a change. She couldn’t recall the last time anyone famous was there to visit though, aside from parents of current students or for the tournament.

[Deleted]

Emmy bit her lip when Cordelia said that the poster announcing the book signing was difficult to see. “That was what I was afraid of.” She said with a sigh. She didn’t get a say in the logistical side of things, as far as the actual location of the signings went, or even the dates or times. Emmy had pushed really hard in order to get something at Hogsmeade at the time she wanted, and that had all but exhausted her publisher’s patience with her. Emmy wasn’t exactly sure why, since she was the most stubborn person she knew, and her publisher was aware of that fact, but sometimes people were silly. “Do you think that making a flashier one would work next time?” Emmy asked thoughtfully. “I’m not normally into gimmicks but I do like it when everyone at least knows that there’s an opportunity available.” Emmy had seen one too many tacky posters that were bright but lacked substance, and she didn’t want her poster – and therefore her book signing – to be lumped into the category, but sometimes a woman had to do what a woman had to do for the sake of her fans.

Cordelia suggested a book signing at the school, and the idea took Emmy aback a little. “Aye…” She said, thinking a little on the subject. “I’ve heard that you all have much stricter security now than you normally do, though. Letting in someone famous probably wouldn’t be good for whatever look your school is wanting to cultivate.” A famous author was sure to draw a lot of attention, and not necessarily the good kind. Plus, Emmy liked to bring books with her to her signings, and from what she had heard Hogwarts was searching anything that came into or out of the castle. Having to wait for an entire box of books to be searched to make sure nothing was dangerous sounded more than a little boring to Emmy. “I’ll see what I can do.” Emmy finally said firmly. It would be a logistical nightmare… but since she didn’t get a say in that stuff anyways, why try to make it easy for the people whose job it was to organize her life?

cordelia regan smith

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

The lack of attendees at the signing seemed to be a bigger problem than Cordelia had initially realized. Clearly she was happy because that meant only focusing on one thing at a time, which was her conversation with the author. From a business standpoint though, surely that wasn’t a good sign. As far as the Hufflepuff knew, the books that Emmy wrote were popular. Obviously they weren’t for everyone, but that didn’t mean only a few people would trickle in throughout the day. This was Hogsmeade after all, and more than just students found their way around the wizarding community. Sure, Diagon Alley was more accessible for most. That was a valid argument. She had planned to go to that one over break before knowing about this one. Probably still would. The only difference was that there wouldn’t be time or space to have a similar one on one conversation like this. There were other fans unfortunately, and Cordelia knew she wasn’t that special. She just happened in at the right time and place.

Emmy asked if a flashier poster would work better, and Cordelia had to think back to remember what the thing actually looked like. That alone was a problem. If she couldn’t recall what it said, then almost no one would pay attention to it. She was a sucker for looking at pictures and art, even the pieces of paper people stapled to telephone posts. “Y-Yeah…I-I think so…” she finally admitted. “M-More of them t-too. If that’s p-possible.” The Hufflepuff knew that if she wanted others to see her photographs, then planting them around the school would be the best way. Sharing them with her handful of friends and with the art club wouldn’t really do much for critical analysis or criticism. She needed those things as an artist.

Apparently the offer of using the school wasn’t the best idea. Emmy had good points though, and Cordelia found herself agreeing with them more than not. She forgot about those things sometimes, since she was in her own little bubble most of the time. “They l-let l-l-lots of p-people in for the t-tournament,” she mentioned. That was still different though. Ministry officials were brought in to handle the tasks, she had observed that much during the first one. “It’s t-too b-bad there isn’t a b-bookstore here. Then it w-would b-be just l-like Fl-Flourish and-and Bl-Blotts.”

[Deleted]

Emmy nodded when Cordelia agreed that flashier posters, and a greater number of them, were going to be necessary if Emmy wanted to bring more people to an event. She hadn’t had much of a hand in organizing the publicity side of things, of course – authors rarely got their way when it came to that sort of thing – but Emmy had specified that she didn’t want the ad campaign to be obnoxious. Maybe her insistence that they didn’t cover every inch of Hogsmeade in posters had been amiss, Emmy thought with a sigh. “I didn’t want to be too intrusive, but I suppose that’s what advertising is all about.” The most successful ad campaigns were the ones where people couldn’t get the ads out of their heads, and part of getting to that point was a large amount of repetition.

Emmy frowned a little when Cordelia said that a lot of people were brought into school for the Triwizard Tournament that was happening. “I wouldn’t think that would be a good idea, given what’s happened in the past year.” Emmy had only recently learned of the attacks on Hogwarts, and while they weren’t as personal for her as they were for some people, since she hadn’t gone to the school, she would think that letting a lot of people into the school would open a lot of security problems. In order to commit a crime someone needed to have means, motive, and opportunity, and by opening the doors of castle, a lot of unsavory characters would have opportunity to wreak havoc.

Emmy was distracted by her conversation when another lost-looking person stumbled through the doorway, looking around with wide eyes. Emmy waved, and it appeared that was all the invitation the other customer needed to rush right up to her and begin chattering. Emmy shot Cordie an apologetic glance, but then turned to the newcomer, wondering if there would be time to speak to the Hufflepuff again, or if her last words were going to be ominous ones.

cordelia regan smith
(end? sorry this took so long. )

[cordelia regan smith]

@emilia

Intrusiveness via advertising…Cordelia didn’t really see it that way. The point in putting up the posters in the first place was to show that Emmy had a signing going on. The Hufflepuff had liked the open invitation for anyone to come in and check it out. Anyone that thought otherwise simply didn’t understand what literature really was. Which, considering some of the typical patrons of the Broomsticks, was certainly possible. Hopefully that wasn’t too mean of her, assuming that they were an uneducated lot, but seeing as all they ever did was drink and kill brain cells, it kind of looked bad from her point of view. “N-No they w-weren’t intru-intrusive. G-Got the p-point that y-you were here.” It had definitely reinforced her reason to enter, as well as giving her the chance to talk to her idol.

Cordelia stayed silent as Emmy talked about the events of the previous year. She tried to forget about those. Too many conflicting thoughts always came forward when it was brought up, Cordelia knowing that she never would have been the target of those incidents because of her own lineage. There was so much wrong in that, but she didn’t have the words to voice any of it then, or now. Instead, she nodded her head to show her agreement. That usually solved all of her problems.

She was hoping to get in a few more minutes of conversation before leaving, but they were interrupted by a new person entering the room. Cordelia then remembered that she wasn’t the only fan of Emmy’s work, and being able to maintain a long chain of letters and a somewhat lengthy conversation (by her own standards) was more than most could ever wish for. In that sense, she was lucky. Trying to squeak out her thanks, Cordelia could tell that she wasn’t heard over the new person, and instead gave the author a small wave as she turned to leave. There would always be more signings that she could go to and make small talk at, even if it would never be to the extent of the conversation they had today. It was still fun, and definitely worth the mental dilemma she had put herself in earlier that morning.

[The End]