Say Something I'm Giving Up On You (Riley)

[Deleted]

The last few days were basically hell for Kinsey. Granted, that was probably at least a little her fault. After her argument with Riley, where he kept her from Diana, Kinsey locked herself in her dorm. She didn't want to see him or anyone else really. She couldn't really keep Dizzy or her other roommates out completely, but she drew the curtains up around her bed. She knew she should go to classes, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to get out of bed so she ended up skipping any classes she had with Riley, sending messages to her professors apologizing for missing and asking what she needed to do to make it up. She knew quite a few- if not all- of them would be angry at her, but she ignored that. She didn't want to think about it. She was angry at Diana for pushing her away, at Riley for distracting her from her sister and at herself for letting him and not doing something.

However, now it was two in the morning and Kinsey needed to get out. Obviously she couldn't roam the corridors without getting in potential trouble, so she went to the common room. She started the fire and found herself huddled in front of it, her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. She just stared into the flames, her mind slowly emptying as she focused on the fire in front of her.

@riley

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Riley Fudge hadn't spoken to or seen his girlfriend/best friend in days and it bugged him. It was partly annoying, partly justified, but completely upsetting. He knew that he had done something to upset her, something major, he had purposefully kept her from her sister out of her own best interests, but because she didn't know why he was doing what he was doing, she had gone anyway and then got upset when she had been too late to do anything. Diana had got away, which was Riley's goal in the first place. He would continue to keep Kinsey away from Diana, even if it made her upset, even if it made her hate him. He cared for Kinsey so much more than he could express and it was difficult to make someone so close to you so mad. But he knew it was for her happiness, for her safety. And he had promised to protect her. He'd let her come to him when she was ready to talk.

But maybe that was sooner than he had expected. The Ravenclaw stumbled down to the common room in search of one of his books. And there she was: the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, sitting with the fire, out in clear view. He wasn't sure what to do. He knew this wasn't her seeking him out exactly, but still, there they were. At 2 am in the cozy and empty common room. "Hey Kins." he said softly, alerting her to his presence as he walked over. 

@kinsey

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Kinsey sensed someone coming before he spoke. Their intentions were positive so she wasn't worried, though she tried to remain as still as possible in the hope that whoever-it-was wouldn't notice her and would simply go about their own business. She really wasn't in the mood to have a heart-to-heart with anyone right now. She just wanted more time to herself. She was trying to clear her mind. After that, she would try to make sense of it again. She needed to understand herself once more and figure out what to do with Riley. The thing was, she missed him. As angry as she was at him, she missed spending her time with him, missed seeing him smile and hearing his laugh. He was adorable and sweet and ... wouldn't tell her what was going on. That was the meat of the problem. He knew something (he had to!) but he was keeping it a secret from her. The whole thing just didn't make sense.

Then the person spoke. Crap. Of course it would have to be him. Out of all the people that went to Ravenclaw it would be the one person that she didn't know how to deal with right now, Riley Fudge, her boyfriend. A part of her wished she was smart and stayed in her dorm, but the other part of him was relieved at the sound of his voice. Even without touching her, Kinsey found herself calming just by listening to him. She frowned and hugged her knees tighter. She could not give in so easily to him. "Hey," she answered softly, not pulling her gaze away from the fire. He could join her if he wanted, of course, but she wasn't going to invite him to sit with her. Then again, maybe he would consider her gentle tone as an invitation. Ugh, she didn't know! Honestly she was still a bit mad at him, and missing him and ... basically Kinsey Bainbridge was a giant mess and she didn't know how to change any of that. Maybe talking with him would help, but she wasn't going to hope for much. As much as she cared for Riley, a part of her worried that he was slipping away and she was losing him. That would be just Kinsey's luck.

@riley

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Riley wasn't sure what to say. He found himself experiencing a surge of emotions and concerns. He knew she wanted him to apologize and explain his reasoning for doing what he did. He wouldn't. He did what he did to protect her and if she could sense his intentions she had to know that. She wasn't understanding what he was telling her but she knew in her point of view he wasn't understanding her. He understood her desire to help her sister, but understanding and accepting were two different emotions. He knew Diana was trouble. He wasn't exactly sure how she was, but he was confident that there was something up. Otherwise she wouldn't have told him to keep Kinsey away from her. Riley kind of worried about Diana, probably similarly to how Kinsey was worried about her. Riley was a good guy who wanted to protect people, he knew Diana knew what she was doing, but it didn't mean he didn't walk to him her if she needed it.

She greeted him back, and he could see from the way that she sat and the way she spoke that she was just as confused as he was. They were fighting and it wasn't easy to be fighting with someone who normally makes you feel so good. He was glad she was talking to him. He was glad that she said anything. "uh... how are you?" he asked, again, not sure what to say and knowing how awkward this situation was for the both of them.

@kinsey

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Kinsey was fighting to keep herself from saying anything. For some ridiculous reason, just hearing Riley's voice made her angry. It made her want to lash out, to demand to know what was going on and what he was keeping from her. She closed her eyes, hugging her knees tighter as she leaned a little closer to the fire. She didn't want to make this worse. Pushing Riley even further away than she already did over the last few days would only make both of them miserable. She was almost positive that he'd been as miserable as she was the last few days. Almost. At least he knew why things were happening.

She should have answered him ages ago, but Kinsey was biting her bottom lip, trying to make sure she didn't let out any of her angry thoughts. Riley didn't need to hear them. Eventually she felt like she had control of herself and she spoke. "Probably about as good as you are." Even though she answered in a whisper, her tone was hard, clipped. She couldn't entirely hide how upset she was, but at least she didn't say something she would regret. Why did everything have to be so complicated with him right now? She just wanted .... but it was too late for that. No point in wishing for things she couldn't have.

@riley

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She had a point, and he didn't even mind her vocal quality, which was cold and harsh. She was mad. So was he. He wasn't sure how this would be resolved. Honestly, he wasn't sure yet if it would ever be resolved. He had done something to upset her very badly. But as he had thought before, he would rather be absolutely despised by her and keep her safe than tell her everything to make her love him again.  At least right now. He did believe that keeping here away from Diana was the best decision, and he trusted Diana about that, but he wanted Kinsey to trust him, and he was mad that she obviously didn't. 

"Yeah I can see that." he responded with a straight face. He still didn't really know what to say, she seemed like company, especially his, was the last thing she wanted. So he began to walk towards the table he was working at earlier. "I just came down to get my book..." he picked it up and held it in his hand. "I'll just go away now if that's what you want." he shrugged, getting a little bit a flashback from his run-in with Cara. 

@kinsey

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His tone was the same as hers and Kinsey found herself confused. She was pretty sure that they both knew why she was mad at him, but why in the world was he upset with her? At least, she couldn't imagine him being so serious and seemingly upset if he wasn't mad at her. Her eyebrows furrowed and she slowly turned to look at him. As she did so, her breath caught ever-so-slightly. How was he so handsome? It was like not seeing him for the last few days made her feel even more drawn to him and Kinsey found herself just wishing this was all behind them, but not knowing how to make that happen either. Then, before she said anything, he was grabbing a book and saying that he'd leave now, if that's what she wanted. No. Kinsey did not want him to leave, but she also didn't want to come out and say that. Her hand moved a few inches, almost like she wanted to grab him and keep him from going, but she stopped herself. He was too far away for her to stop unless she actually stood up and made an effort. "Why are you mad at me?" She asked. Honestly, she didn't meant to say it, but the words came out and she found that she really did want to hear the answer. Hopefully he would just understand that she also didn't want him to leave. Everything with them was wrong and she wanted to try and talk about it, if they could. If was worth a shot, at least.

@riley

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To him, his reasoning seemed obvious. "You didn't trust me." he said immediately. "Kinsey you have to know that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you or put you in danger. in fact I'd gladly go out of my way to keep you out of it. And I asked you not to go after Diana and you did it anyway. So I think that justifies me being just a little bit mad. I thought you had more trust in me for that. I wouldn't tell you to do something without having a reason and you saw and heard me ask you not to and you just went and did it anyway." he obviously knew he couldn't control her, but he did hope that she would at least take his feelings and concerns into consideration when he asked her seriously to or not to do something. Even if she couldn't explain his reasoning. 

He was glad that she was at least talking to him. That she hadn't asked him to leave. Maybe she's begin to understand, or maybe this would at least open up the dialogue between the two of them. He didn't like being mad at her. He didn't like her not talking to him. She looked so beautiful, even just sitting in the firelight, and he had missed her so much that just seeing her now made him want to smile, but he was going to stand his ground.

@kinsey

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Kinsey's eyebrows furrowed as Riley started explaining. He was upset because she didn't trust him? Or because she wasn't obedient when he told her what to do? She was trying to not be annoyed by that, but the more he spoke, the more irritated she got. Yes, he wanted to keep her out of danger. Great. She believed that wholeheartedly, actually. What did that have to do with him asking her to not follow Diana? Nothing! And if it did have something to do with it, then he definitely should have told her. "I understand you wanting to protect me and I actually love that about you," hey her voice wasn't angry yet, which was a good thing. She was actually calm. "but trusting people has always been hard for me. The fact that I stopped initially because you asked me to is a major indication of how much I trust you, whether or not you believe that." She paused again, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. "I need some semblance of a reason, Riley. Especially if you're asking me to stay away from my family. I don't know if you're trying to imply that I was in danger following Diana or not, but if you are then I deserve to know why. If not, then I really don't see why I should stay away from her unless there was something you noticed in the minute. And if that's the case, why is it a secret?" Alright, there was the passion and frustration starting to spill out of her tone. She stared into his eyes, trying to understand. "What were you trying to protect me from?" She couldn't let it go. She'd witnessed too many people lying to one another and keeping secrets and what it did to relationships. Sure, she had her secret, Dom, but that felt like something completely different to Kinsey. Dom didn't affect anyone else but her. He wouldn't hurt Riley or give himself away. That would ruin his game. This was ... something different and keeping it from her seemed wrong. She was just so confused and wanted things to make sense again.

@riley

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Riley understood why she would want a reason, but it honestly was another thing that he wanted her to trust him on. Ignorance was bliss for Kinsey, that was what Diana and him had talked about. She needed to not know anything to stay safe. And to be honest, Riley didn't know either. He just knew a very little sliver more than she did, and that sliver of knowledge would push Kinsey to want to know even more, that much he was absolutely sure about. "Even if it is hard for you to trust me like that, I'm going to need you to. And if that's not something you can do then you can stay mad at me. Kinsey I miss you so much, and I hate that you're shutting me out. But, I really would rather you be mad at me and safe than be instantly back in your good graces." He admitted, feeling a little bad for being a bit too harsh, but meaning every word of it.

What was he trying to protect her from. He wasn't sure what to say. He sighed and then just decided to tell the truth, at least part of it, and she had no cause to doubt that it wasn't the full truth. "I don't like Diana. I don't get a good vibe from her. And it was made worse when we talked a few days ago... she told me if I wanted to keep you safe I'd keep you away, and honestly I really do think that's the best idea." he said. "Oh, be smart, don't go after her, don't get yourself into trouble that you don't belong in. Whatever she's doing you don't need to be a part of." Riley insisted. 

@kinsey

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This wasn't going to work. The two of them just couldn't seem to come to an agreement and that fact was disheartening. He said she didn't trust him, she said she needed a reason, he said he needed her to trust him more. Where was the compromise there? Kinsey couldn't think of one at the moment and felt her mood sink even more. He said that he missed her and that she was shutting him out. She couldn't argue that, she was, but it wasn't without reason! All he had to do was tell her something or try to understand, but he wasn't. As he said that he would rather her be angry and safe, she shook her head and turned away from him, looking back at the fire again. What was he talking about? Why did he keep saying he wanted her to be safe and then not tell her why? If there was something going on that would put her in danger, shouldn't she know about it? What if it happened when he wasn't around? Then where would she be? She felt so confused and alone and like there was a huge rift between them, one that seemed to be growing wider and wider by the minute. Her anger was evaporating once more, confusion taking over.

She heard him sigh and Kinsey turned her attention back to Riley, though she stayed looking at the fire. Then he started talking. Kinsey's eyes widened when she realized he actually was explaining, at least a little bit. That was all she wanted. His words were still confusing though. When did he talk with Diana? She told Riley to keep Kinsey away to keep her safe? No wonder he did what he did. The interesting thing was, he was obviously concerned that she would go after Diana and get herself mixed into something ... but all Kinsey wanted to do now that she knew what happened was disappear. Diana went to her boyfriend to get Kinsey to leave her alone and he agreed to it without saying a word to her. Not that Kinsey could blame him but now she just felt so unwanted and untrusted, by both of them. Heck, by everyone at the school. How long would it be before Riley felt the same way as Diana and tried everything he could to keep her away ... if that wasn't what he was doing already? No. Kinsey couldn't let herself think like that. Riley cared about her. He was trying to help, she knew that. "That was all you had to tell me," she said, glancing up at Riley before looking back at the fire. Why did she feel so empty right now? "Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid. I'll leave her alone," Kinsey answered, trying to put him at ease. She closed her eyes in an attempt to will the numbness to go away, but it wasn't going anywhere. Maybe she was just too tired to deal with this right now, to think rationally. Or maybe she was emotionally out of it. "Riley," she whispered, so softly she didn't think he'd hear, but still hoped he would. Maybe he could help her somehow, though Kinsey didn't even know what she needed or wanted right now.

@riley

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She seemed happy with his answer and he was glad. It gave him so much relief to have her not questioning him anymore. Of course, he didn't want to keep things from her because that would be an awful way to start a relationship, but he really didn't have anything else to tell her. He was suspicions of what Diana was up to, but knew nothing of fact. He had told her the jist of what he was doing, and he had been relatively honest. Nothing that he said was a lie in any shape or form. She agreed that she would leave Diana alone, and while Riley didn't notice any of the normal ticks that people did when they were telling a lie, a part of him wondered if she meant it. Diana was her sister after all, of course Kinsey would want to protect her, and even if she meant it now, there was nothing to say that she wouldn't change her mind tomorrow. "I just don't want you to get hurt. And I'll do anything in my power to see that you don't." 

She said his name, so soft and breathy. He heard it barely but rather he saw her lips move and knew exactly what word she had just spoke. He sighed again and walked over to where she was sitting on the couch and set his hands on her shoulder, standing behind her and rubbing her shoulders a bit. It was nice to touch her again, to be there for her, to have her there for him. "I know." he agreed in a whisper. 

@kinsey

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Kinsey felt ... exhausted and worn out and just done. The fact that Riley told the truth was good. In fact, it was exactly what she wanted, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She was still slightly annoyed at him for deciding to keep her away from her sister without even talking to her about it, but she wasn't in the mood to bring that up now. She just wanted to feel better somehow. Knowing how strongly Diana didn't want her around made Kinsey feel like she was losing a part of herself, not that she would know how to explain that to anyone. Riley insisted that he didn't want her to get hurt and Kinsey nodded slowly. "I know. Thank you for that. I'll do what I can to help you with your goal." Which was basically Kinsey's way of saying that she meant what she said before; she wouldn't be going after Diana any time soon. 

Riley was rubbing her shoulders and Kinsey felt a little bit of the tension leave her. She was still hugging her knees, but she closed her eyes and sighed, trying to forget everything except for the way it felt right then. She wanted to relax and smile and just be happy with him again, but the sorrow of the last few minutes seemed to be draining the joy out of her. She tipped her head to one side and nudged his hand gently with her cheek for a moment before putting her chin back on her knees. "What do you know?" she asked. She wasn't sure what he was talking about, honestly, and she was a little nervous to find out, but she asked all the same.

@riley

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He left their conversation about Diana there. He really had nothing more to say about it. He believed what she said as nothing she was currently showing made him believe otherwise, but it was still hard to drop. He was falling hard for this girl, she was always on his mind and she was one of his biggest priorities. He just didn't want to see her hurt. But, she promised him she wouldn't go looking for trouble and that was good enough, at least for now.

She asked what he knew, which confused him a little since he had been responding to her saying his name in a way that he thought would be implied, but he guessed that in the heat of the moment the intention got lost. "I know fighting is difficult and hard. I know it's hard to be away from each other. I know we both want this to stop." he explained with a shrug, still touching her.

@kinsey

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He didn't say anything to his promise and Kinsey took Riley's silence as agreement. Obviously if he didn't think she was going to do it, he would have called her out on it. The thing was, Kinsey was tired of not being wanted. She wasn't going to push herself on Diana anymore. Not unless she had a really good reason, but she doubted that would happen anytime soon. 

Riley paused when she asked what, but when he started answering her, she turned around, eyes wide as she nodded to what he was saying. It was hard being angry at him, staying away from him. She missed Riley a whole lot more than she really expected to. Clearly, he felt the same. She watched him for a moment before responding quietly, "Are we done then? Or is there something else we need to talk about?" She finished talking about her issues and hoped that he was done as well ... but maybe not. It would probably be better to get everything out in the open at one time though. "I've missed you," she added, still looking up at him. She wanted this to be over already. She was still annoyed at what happened the other day, but she didn't want to stay away from Riley anymore.

@riley