I'll Cry If I Want To [Cara]

[Deleted]

Persephone was sitting down, legs crossed in front of the entrance of the Ravenclaw Common room. Her eyes were red rimmed and her tear streaks were still drying on her face because she just couldn't stop the tears. Every now and then another water droplet would fall down her face, refreshing the drying trail and taking away any hope she had of not looking like she had been crying. She really just couldn't help it. She was feeling especially sad today.

She had been doing some homework and thinking about how she couldn't wait for school to be over because then she wouldn't have to worry about doing her homework. And then she started thinking about the fact that the end of the year meant summer would be there soon and summer meant the family vacation would be coming up soon and she got really excited even though she didn't know where they were going yet. Family vacations were always fun, because she was with her family. And then she thought about the fact that it was close to the end of the school year, which meant that her sisters Cara and Diana were going to graduate. They wouldn't be at Hogwarts anymore. She wouldn't be able to come up to the fifth floor and see them walking out of their common room. She wouldn't be able to eat meals with them in the Great Hall anymore. They wouldn't be at Hogwarts anymore at all. She burst out into tears right then and there, in the middle of the Hufflepuff common room. There were plenty of people in the common room too and, the ones who knew her, rolled her eyes blowing it off as another one of her silly fits. This one wasn't silly though! Her sisters were leaving her! She got up then and there, making her way to their common room. She had to see them.

So there she sat, eyes leaking a droplet or two every now and then, waiting to see if one of her sisters would come out of their common room. She didn't even know if they were here right now but it was their common room. If one of them didn't come out then surely they would have to return back to the common room at some point to get something or to hang out or something. She would sit there as long as she needed to. She just wanted to see one of them.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

School was almost done with. That was pretty much the only thought that was running through Cara’s head these days. Graduation was going to be upon them in a mere month, and then that meant her time at Hogwarts was done with. To say that the last few months had gone normally would be an understatement. Aside from getting rather snippy with Kinsey a few times, and then having that strange, yet rather appealing date with the Durmstrang girl, classwork was practically an afterthought for her at this point in time. She was still doing it of course; getting decent grades for the final time was what she was about after all. The last thing the second oldest Bainbridge needed to be was a hypocrite. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she became one of those just yet. Except the problem was that she kind of was becoming one. By relaxing on studying (realizing a few weeks earlier that it was almost useless considering her chosen career path), she was no better than Kinsey was. And that was saying a lot.

Regardless, Cara was heading back to the common room from the library. She still sought solace and silence there, even if it was just to brainstorm her story ideas. No one needed to know that she was doing personal things instead of work. That was between herself and the notebook she held tightly in her hand. It was only one of many, but it was the most recent in a series of ideas that she thought might potentially work as a novel going forward. It wasn’t much, but it was something. And something was better than nothing. Thinking about the practicality of bringing an additional character into the story, Cara turned the final corner towards the common room, stopping as she approached it. Persephone was perched precariously in front of the entrance, looking rather…gloomy? “What’s wrong Seph?” Cara asked as she moved closer to her sister, standing directly in front of her. It wouldn’t be the first time, but Cara knew she would feel bad if she brushed off the tears as something silly when it actually wasn’t. If it was? She knew better than that. At least the Ravenclaw thought her sister did.

[Deleted]

Sephy wiped her eyes once again as she continued to wait on one, or hopefully both, of her sisters to come out of the common room. They just had to be here, she knew it. Maybe they were doing homework or something, she knew them both to be studious and good at school so maybe they were just doing there homework. They would be done soon and they would walk out and see her and then she would be able to see them. She felt herself beginning to cry once again and she placed her hands over her eyes to try and stop the tears. How was it possible for her to miss them so much already when they weren't even gone yet? Her heart hurt just thinking about it and she felt like they were already so far away from her. Suddenly all of the time she'd spent with them at Hogwarts didn't seem like nearly enough. And the fact that she still had two years left at Hogwarts weighed on her heavily.

It was taking everything in her not to burst out into sobs when she heard footsteps moving closer to her. Oh she really hoped whoever it was kept on moving, she didn't want to cry all over someone she didn't know. The steps grew closer and closer and she tried to hold her breath when the all too familiar voice of one of her sisters rang out in the hallway, asking her what was wrong. She looked up with watery eyes to confirm that it was indeed Cara and she practically tackled her sister with the force of a hug. She wrapped her arms tight around her older sister and burst into tears, burying her face into her sister's side. The tears flowed and bawled from the feelings of sadness and loss that poured over her. She couldn't get herself to calm down enough to explain so she cried and held on tightly.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

Thankfully Cara had braced herself for what came next. It was obvious that Seph was going to go in for a hug. That was practically her go to thing when she was crying. The older Bainbridge had no idea if that was a good thing or not that she knew exactly how her younger sister worked when in one of her moods. If that was what this was. There seemed to be no discretion when it came to Persephone and bawling her face off. Any little thing out of the norm would send her into a tizzy. The first step in getting to the root of it all though was calming her down. Hopefully this was one of the instances where her presence was enough to get the Hufflepuff to stop. She had been waiting outside of the common room after all. It was likely that she had been waiting for one of them.

Despite getting hit hard by the tackle-hug, Cara kept herself from wavering too much. Lifting her hand behind Persephone’s head, she held her tightly, but not enough to encourage more crying. That was the last thing she wanted to do right now. The girl was already mess as it was. Making it worse would only lead Cara to giving up on the cause and entering the common room, leaving Seph alone and blubbering in the corridor once again. “Did someone do something to you?” Cara asked flatly, knowing that probably wasn’t the cause of this. “I don’t really want to play twenty questions right now,” she followed up with quickly. If this was all nonsense, it would be better for both of them if they cleared it up immediately and went on with their business.

[Deleted]

Seph was able to hear Cara over the sounds of herself crying because her crying was muffled by her sister's clothes. She sounded a bit harsh with her words but Seph knew her better than that. Cara actually did care about her and she recognized the care that lay behind the words. She asked her first if someone had done anything to her. Seph knew that Cara would have come to her rescue if someone had really done something to hurt her and that was enough to not make her feel hurt because of her tone. Seph also knew, however, that Cara was used to her crying fits so she recognized the words for hat they truly were. Cara wanted to know if this was something serious or if this was another one of the little things she found herself crying about. She swore it was the latter!

Seph shook her head in answer to the first question and it took a minute for her to try and calm herself enough to speak. The sobs slowly subsided and she tried hard to stop the hiccups just long enough for her to speak. "You're... you're.." her heart felt heavy in her chest and she hiccuped again through the words, feeling her tears about to come back just thinking about it once again. How could Cara fault her for being sad about it? Even she must be sad because she was leaving Hogwarts, right? When she left, Cara wouldn't be able to see any of her, Peyton, and Penelope and that had to make her sad too, right? "You're leaving soon! I'll only get to see you and Diana for a few more months and then I will barely get to see you at all!" tears she couldn't control started falling from her eyes again. This was just like when Dustin left. She barely got to see him now too and it was going to be the same way with Cara and Diana. She knew that they would write her letters or respond to any that she sent but it wasn't the same as being able to hug them.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

Cara bit down on her tongue to keep it from lashing out at Persephone as the younger girl shook her head that someone had not hurt her. That meant this was another one of her crying fits. The Ravenclaw had no idea why this one had to be as emotional as she was, but sometimes it got a tad annoying. At the same time, she also knew that she had to give her the benefit of the doubt. They weren’t the same people, and the age difference meant that sometimes things didn’t translate the same way. Cara knew that she didn’t follow the same policies with Kinsey as she did with the triplets, and while that probably seemed like favoritism, she would swear on her life that it was because the three youngest Bainbridges simply needed more guidance through life. They had different souls from Kinsey, and sometimes they required more nurturing from their favorite, oldest sister. So, instead of barking at Seph, like she would have with Kinsey in this instance (not that they would ever be like this in the first place), Cara waited to see what her sister would say first. It took a while for the sobs to subside, but eventually she started to hear something comprehensible coming out of the Hufflepuff’s mouth that wasn’t as annoying.

“I’m…?” Cara felt herself hanging as Persephone started crying once again. This conversation was going to go on for long time if she didn’t get a hold of her feelings pretty soon here. That and Cara only had so much patience before anything started to become annoying. She would continue to listen, but she wouldn’t be as concerned as Seph would hope. The earlier thoughts of getting her the benefit of the doubt would go out the window the second it started to be ridiculous. “Merlin, you make it sound like we’re dying,” Cara stated, trying to keep a straight face throughout her sister’s ludicrous comment. That was what this was all about? “We still have all summer, and then the holidays after that. And it’s not like we can’t visit during Hogsmeade weekends to catch up.” She figured that was a reasonable way to diffuse the crying for the time being. Compromise solved a lot of problems, after all.

[Deleted]

Seph completely paused at her sisters words. Cara and Diana dying...? Her heart hurt just at the thought! And she knew they weren't dying but just the thought made her feel worse. She buried her face into her sister's shoulder once again, trying to stop herself from crying once again. while Cara continued. She stated that they still had the summer left and that they would visit during the holidays and that they would come during some Hogsmeade weekends to visit them. But Seph knew it would be hard for them to do all of those things. It was hard for Dustin to do those things now! He was so busy with his Quidditch schedule that he didn't always have time to visit them during those days. She knew that both Cara and Diana would be the same way. They would be too busy being adults to visit. "You're going to be too busy," she cried, pulling back momentarily and wiping her eyes even though her tears hadn't quite stopped yet. "Then you're going to get famous and you won't have time to visit at all! Because you'll have to make time for your fans and then you won't be able to come see me." She felt her thoughts getting darker and darker just because she knew she wouldn't be able to see her really after the summer was over. She couldn't wait for the family trip in the summer but she could wait if it meant she was only getting closer to not being in school with her older sisters. "Because you're going to move out right? Right after the trip is over you're going to move somewhere where I can't see you everyday." She sniffled as she spoke but she didn't look away from her sister because she knew Cara could calm her down. Cara would reassure her that she would come visit a lot, even though it wouldn't be the same.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

Cara knew she shouldn’t have mentioned the d-word to the sobbing mess known as Persephone. Any rational person would have noted that the statement was dripping with sarcasm and just a joke, but not her little sister. Instead, the word ignited another round of head burying and crying. And here she thought this whole situation was already ridiculous. She had to go and make it by jokingly mentioning the one thing that Seph absolutely could not handle. Cara wanted to tell her that death was going to catch up to all of them eventually anyways, but bit down on her tongue. The only proper thing to do right now was to get her to stop from crying more. Since that was harder than it apparently looked, Cara maintained her silence after giving her bit on visiting during Hogsmeade weekends.

She wanted to laugh at Persephone’s belief that she was going to be famous and not have the time to visit. In all likelihood, she was going to end up working a dead-end job in order to maintain her writing habit. That was her choice though, and she wouldn’t let that get in the way of visiting. Especially if she had promised it. Seph continued on, stating that Cara was going to move out once the family trip was over too. That was…unlikely. Biting down on her lip, she wasn’t sure how to exactly detail what her future was going to look like. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to be living at home for the next few years,” Cara admitted. “Writing, even if I do get famous, isn’t a sure deal with money. Plus mum and dad could use the company.” That and she could lock herself in her room all day, and still get fed three meals. Saving money was the goal here, and if living at home was how she managed it, then she would do it.

[Deleted]

Her sniffles hadn't subsided just yet but as Seph listened to her sister speak, a puzzled look appeared on her face. Her eyes were blinking furiously as she attempted to hold back the tears and it took her a moment to completely process the words she'd said. Cara had every intention of staying at home? No, that wasn't quite what she'd said. Even though her tone had been her usual blasé, matter of fact one she'd always spoke in, Seph didn't feel like the words sounded right. Considering what they were talking about, Cara should have had more confidence than that about her future. Seph had more confidence than that in her future! "Do you actually want to live at home?" she asked quietly through her sniffles. The Hufflepuff just knew that Cara would get famous and make a lot of money. She knew her sister was talented and she knew that other people would love her work and cherish her like the amazing person that she was. "And not just because of mum and dad. I know you're going to get famous because you're amazing Cara! You're going to make a lot of money and you'll be gone all of the time. As much as I don't want that, I do want that for you because I want you to be successful!" The end of her words came out as a bit of a pout. She didn't want Cara to leave but she wanted Cara to be happy. And she didn't think Cara would be happy unless she was successful. She just knew Cara would be successful someday. And that would mean her not being able to see her older sister. She wiped her eyes again, feeling the tears trying to start up again and her heart aching.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

Persephone’s question pierced Cara in all the wrong places. No she didn’t want to live at home. No she didn’t want to go through the struggle of being published. No she didn’t want to have parental oversight still, even after graduating. But that was what she had to do in order to make it. If she could snap her fingers and zoom ahead in time to when she did have a book on the shelves and was making decent money, she would. That wasn’t how this was going to go though. She knew there was going to be a long struggle ahead of her, and putting herself in a comfortable place, like home, meant that it would be slightly easier. Hopefully. There were so many questions she still had for herself in that regard, and she knew they wouldn’t be answered until they were right up in her face and trying to knock her down. “I don’t want to live there, but I think I have to,” she said honestly. Unless being home made it radically difficult for her to pay attention, it was still safer than moving somewhere she had never been before. “As long as I’m not distracted, I’ll be fine.” Saying it out loud was reassurance for both herself and Seph.

In terms of popularity, that was another tough topic to reason with. There were absolutely no guarantees for fame in any of this. “I want to be successful too, but…” she paused. “But I need to write something worthy of that first. Right now I don’t have whatever that is. Which is why I’ll be home until I do.” Bringing it all back around full circle felt right. Persephone seemed to be wavering back and forth between what she wanted Cara to do. Stay home, or be successful? They could be one in the same if done the right way. There was nothing out of the ordinary with a seventeen year old living at home still. Muggles still had a few years of uni left before they would officially move out. So she had plenty of time.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” Cara said as she gave her sister a squeeze before stepping back to face her. “So aside from worrying about Diana and I, what’ve you been up to? Been so wrapped up in my own things that I haven’t really been paying much attention to anything else…” Deciding that school didn’t matter as much anymore had been a struggle, but also a relief at the same time. Writing was her thing after all, and final exams weren’t going to get in the way of that at all.

[Deleted]

Sephy knew that was one thing she could always count on, Cara being completely honest with her. Even if it was a harsh honesty, Cara had never shied away from telling Sephy the truth about any situation. So when Cara told her that she didn't want to live at home, the answer bit but she expected it. She hadn't expected any other answer but hearing it out loud did hurt a little. It felt like Cara didn't want to be around them but she knew that Cara would be happier if she was able to enjoy living in her own place. It made her even sadder that she felt like she had to live at home. Sephy kept her tears at bay at the words though she felt another wave of sadness coming. Cara added in a bit about not becoming distracted. Wouldn't she be distracted anyway if she was somewhere she didn't want to be? "Why do you think you have to?" her sadness tainted her question a bit. Maybe she was just saying that. Maybe she would like living at home again.. "If you think we'll be a distraction, we'll only be there for the summer and then you won't have to worry about us." Just saying those words made her a bit sad too, like they were bothersome and she didn't want them around. And that would mean her not being able to see her older sister. She wiped her eyes again, feeling the tears trying to start up again and her heart aching. "I won't bother you... I promise.." the tears started to build up in her eyes again and she sniffled before wiping them away. When Cara said she wanted to be successful, that she wanted to write something worth success, Sephy nodded enthusiastically because she knew Cara could do that. She didn't think her sister would have any problems writing something that would be successful but it seemed Cara didn't think she could do it yet, which is what she insisted would keep her at home. Even though she hadn't said the words in a way to convey low-self-esteem, Sephy frowned yet chose not to reply. There wasn't any use in arguing about it. Sephy accepted the hug from her sister gratefully, the comfort making her feel a little less sad than before though she still worried for her sister. Her sister then turned the spotlight on her, asking her what she'd been up to. "O.W.Ls. They're coming up really fast and I want to make sure I do well enough that I can get all of the classes I want next year. Hopefully Peyton, Penelope and Quinn don't get sick of me asking them questions," she answered then mused to herself. She always asked her sisters and her best friend for help when she needed it. She hoped she didn't go overboard this time and she needed to remember that they were studying too.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

((OOC: I can't control her...))

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

Oh Persephone could not have taken that statement further in the wrong direction. The worries about distractions while writing didn’t come from her family (or at least not all of them did), but mostly from herself. Being home meant she would want to interact with everyone else. Obviously once the younger four were back to school in the fall that wouldn’t matter since it would just be her and their parents left. They would probably relish in the fact that she wasn’t going to be bothering them 24/7 and actually getting some of her work done at the same time. “No, no. None of you are going to bother me,” Cara started, trying to keep Seph from devolving into more crying. They were making great progress here a second ago. She shouldn’t have had to watch her words as much as she did around Seph though at the same time she couldn’t hold it against her for misunderstanding a situation. “I meant being distracted by my own thoughts. That’s why this vacation is a good thing for all of us.”

Thankfully it was starting to sound like they were getting away from their future endeavors. As much as Cara enjoyed talking about her possible success, and that was one of those big ‘if’ kind of situations, she did get tired of it when there was no progress on her own end. Trying to turn the tide of the conversation back on Persephone would hold off from it for a little while. Hopefully. “O.W.Ls aren’t as terribly hard as everyone makes them out to be,” she said matter-of-factly. It was true. She had spent a large amount of time studying on them, more than she currently was with her N.E.W.Ts, and it had been pointless. While it was integral for the more important ones in order to get into higher-level classes, it was also fairly easy to write a strongly worded letter to a professor and get in that way. Everyone made mistakes on tests, and they were never an indicator on someone’s knowledge in the subject. “Quinn is in Ravenclaw right?” Cara asked, fairly sure she knew who the girl was. Same year as Kinsey though, so that meant less attention was paid to the sixth years than she normally would have given them.

[Deleted]

Wiping her eyes once again to catch any stray tears, Sephy listened as Cara explained that she'd meant she'd be the one distracting herself. She guessed that made sense. She could distract herself from things that she was supposed to be doing so it made sense that Cara could distract herself from getting her work done. She still couldn't help but feel the hurt in her heart that maybe she would keep Cara from doing her work. She didn't want to bother her sister and keep her from following her dreams. So if she did decide to stay at home, Sephy wanted to make sure that she gave her sister enough space so that she could work. Even thinking about it sounded hard, but she took a deep breath and nodded her head in agreement. She couldn't wait for the vacation. Getting to spend time with her siblings was hard when everyone was thinking about school. And Dustin would be there too! Her spirits rose a bit at the thought. All of her sisters and her brother all together in one place. She really couldn't wait. When talk returned to O.W.Ls, Sephy giggled at Cara's words about the wizarding examinations not being nearly as hard as everyone thought. "You're really smart though Cara so I can't say I'm surprised they weren't hard for you. Me, on the other hand, I have a lot of studying to do. I don't think they'll be super hard but I think they'll be hard enough that I'll talk about them them for a while," she mumbled the end part as she thought about it. She knew she would complain to Quinn about them for certain but she was super smart too so she would probably laugh at her too. Seph them pouted when Cara asked about Quinn's house. They were in the same house, how couldn't she know? Then again she didn't know some of the older year students herself. Quinn was important though! Sephy practically talked about her all of the time after all. "Mhmm. Same house as you. And I still see her more than you do," she added a nod and a smile at the end, thinking of her best friend.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

((OOC: Quinn and Sephy are in the same year~))

[cara june bainbridge]

@sephy

Cara gave her younger sister a weak smile when she said that the exams probably weren’t that difficult because she was smart. If only everyone knew. They had been a living hell for her for months. All the studying, the memorization, the mind tricks to remember certain topics based on other things; none of that had been easy. Even more so, she actually had to study unlike some people. It seemed to her that Diana and Kinsey never had to put too much effort into their studying, the same being said for the majority of Ravenclaw. She had always been good at faking the fact that she didn’t understand certain subjects and had to study tenfold of everyone else. There were times where she wondered if she was even placed in the correct house to begin with, or if the Sorting Hat just didn’t want to separate twins. Yes, those were all thoughts that had gone through her head at some point or another. “I’ll tell you a secret,” Cara said quietly, mostly because she didn’t know if any of her housemates were around. “I suck at school. Everything we learn in class? Doesn’t stick the first time. I have to re-read notes and subject matter a bunch of times before I fully understand it.” Admitting all of that to Seph felt right to her. None of her other siblings would ever deserve to hear that, some would probably call her out on it. “So if I can do it, you can too.”

Persephone added that Quinn was indeed in Ravenclaw, and that she probably still saw the other girl more than Cara did. That was probably true. She tried to actively ignore the younger students like the plague. They were annoying and distracted her from her work. “That’s what friends are for, right?” Cara matched the smile. As for her own friends, there was Diana (obviously), Dominic, who was more her pet than anything else, and Susan, for gossip and whatever else came to mind. Diana had to be her default best friend, but outside of family, Dominic and Susan were more friends than best friends. She enjoyed her time with them yet also didn’t need to spend every waking moment with them like some of her classmates did with theirs. Like how Seph and Quinn probably were. “I’m sure they’ll help you out. And if you get really stuck, just ask me. I won’t bite your head off like I will with the rest,” Cara promised.

[Deleted]

Seph got really quiet as Cara leaned in, her sister saying she had a secret to tell her. And then the little Hufflepuff's eyes grew wide with every word she said. Not because she was surprised by what Cara was saying but because she knew that the words her sister spoke to her were important to her. Cara liked being strong. Cara was always the strong one of them, especially now that Dustin had graduated. Even before then actually. Seph had always known her to be strong and perfect but to anyone else, something like this would make them look at Cara differently. As if she wasn't as smart or as amazing as they thought she was. Honestly, it didn't make Seph see her any differently; it was amazing that Cara knew herself well enough to do those things. That she put in the effort to be good at school. Her eyes watered up just a bit. She didn't say anything because she felt it was useless arguing with Cara, as always, but she nodded her head and clung to her sister in a hug. "Thank you so much Cara. I promise I'll try my hardest!"

Seph then gave a quick nod and grinned as talk returned to her best friend. Seph couldn't have asked for a better friend than Quinn. They had so much in common and she was so nice and smart and super sweet and so adorable. There were plenty of people who thought the amount of time the two of them spent together was ridiculous but Seph loved having her around. Things were always better when Quinn was around. "Mhmm. She's the best, really. I think you would really like her Cara! She's really nice and super smart and," she grinned as she realized that she was about to repeat everything she'd just thought, "I think you would both get along super well. And she's my best friend so you should meet my best friend. Wait I haven't met any of your friends either. Can I meet your friends too?" she ran through her thoughts quickly, speaking them all out loud. She knew her friends would be smart like her and she wanted to meet them! She hoped her friends were as good to Cara as Quinn was to her. Everyone deserved a best friend like Quinn. She then nodded and smiled once again when Cara said she could come to her if her sisters or Quinn couldn't help. "I will. Thank you again Cara," she hugged her sister once again. She felt much better than she had before she'd come up there. And even if she knew that Cara and Diana were leaving, she knew her sisters would still be there for her if she needed them. This whole thing just proved that.

Tag; cara june bainbridge

((OOC: If you want~ You can write one more and I"ll end it with my next one~))