I Hope You Find Your Peace -- Diana

[Irina Rose Krum]

May had come up so fast, and Irina was more and more commonly found in the library studying for her NEWT examinations. She had already been accepted into the Cursebreaking program, but she didn’t want to miserably fail her Arithmancy NEWT to a point where they revoked her acceptance. It wasn’t as if she hated the subject she just….didn’t like it as much as others. She was an outlier; she loved Potions and History of Magic, even though they weren’t subjects that went hand in hand. She was thankful Cursebreaking did not want her to take a Herbology NEWT - she had gracefully bowed out of that subject after her miraculous A in the OWL examination, a grade she undoubtedly owed to Phil Longbottom.

Irina tossed her quill down and sat back, yawning widely and rubbing her eyes. Merlin this subject matter was not holding her interest very well, but she knew she had to memorize it before her exam. Yawning widely, Irina shook her head a few times to clear it out, then went back to studying. So many numbers, figures...Irina’s eyelids were drooping dangerously. A quick little catnap wouldn’t hurt, would it? Irina yawned again and allowed her eyes to close fully, head dropping onto her hands.

It was completely dark, but something was wrong. Loud noises, bangs, and the screams. So many people screaming, was it with fear? Terror? What was happening, what was going on? She felt a rush of foreboding echo through her. Something bad was happening, something was coming…

Before she knew it, she was being shaken awake by someone, and Irina woke with a gasp. It was just a dream...but for Irina Krum, a dream was never just a dream. She looked over, wide-eyed and frightened to who had woken her, and was speechless. Diana Bainbridge, one of her former closest friends, was standing over her. “I had a vision,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. She had been so used to telling Diana everything, but this year the other girl had become very closed off and distant, and Irina had been hurt to be cut out of her life just like that.

@diana

[Deleted]

Diana spent a lot of her time in the library lately. Her excuse was always NEWTS, studying for the end of year exams that were absolutely vital to the future careers of all seventh years. But really it was to be alone. Diana hadn't really been... accepting of company (except Dominic and Professor Kamuntu) since the incident with Adonia. The only person that knew about it st all was Dominic, and that was only because he'd found her when she was st her breaking point and finally couldn't bear the weight of it anymore. She was doing... better she supposed. She'd finally regained her composure enough to force her appearance to go back to normal. Despite her ability often treating her like a human mood ring she could force it. It always felt wrong though, less natural to force herself to look a certain way instead of what felt the most natural for the moment. But at least she looked normal. And no one was the wiser. The only problem was it was such a strain to change now. Was that simply because of the trauma... or was it because Elaine had told her to control it better?

Diana had been looking for a secluded spot to study when she spotted her former friend, Irina Krum, asleep st a table. The girl frowned immediately. They'd been such good friend before all this. Before Elaine. But Diana had pulled away from most everyone after the soul binding. As if afraid someone might figure out something was happening to her. If anyone was to figure it it, it'd be her closest friends like Irina. Determined to just keep walking, she almost missed the look of distress. But she stopped the moment she spotted it. Was Irina having a nightmare? Slowly and cautiously Diana approached, hoping to look would pass but it didn't. And finally, after avoiding her old friend for so long, Diana placed her hands on Irina's shoulders and shook her, hoping it'd rouse the girl. "Irina? Irina wake up."

Irina did, and Diana pulled her hands back to herself immediately as she took a step back. She'd leave now- wait. Visions? Diana hadn't expected Irina to just blurt something out like that do quickly. "You were dreaming." Diana answered, wondering if the dream had been so real that Irina had thought she'd been awake and having a clairvoyant vision.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina had to blink a few times to make sure she was not seeing an apparition in front of her. But there she was, Diana Bainbridge in the flesh. Sometimes she lamented over how distant they had become over the past year, almost a month before the kidnappings happened and Elaine Dupree was outed as the true villain of the wizarding world. She had no idea what she had done wrong, what had caused Diana to pull away from her in such a fashion. Irina tried to reason that it wasn’t just her; Diana was normally seen alone or in the company of Professor Kamuntu the Ancient Runes professor, so she had alienated more than one of her friends. But Irina had truly believed over the years the friendship they had forged was stronger than that, and that if Diana was in any sort of trouble, that she knew she could always rely on her friend for help. Irina supposed that whatever happened to make the girl pull away was something she didn’t think the Gryffindor could handle, and that was what kept her at bay all these months.

She flinched slightly as Diana said she was dreaming. “Oh...yes, I suppose I was,” she said quietly, looking down at her hands. She frowned, scrunching up her brow as she tried to piece together what she had just seen. Or rather heard; it had been pitch black wherever this vision was taking place, so she could only hear the screaming and the loud noises. “It was a very real dream,” she murmured; her Clairvoyance had displayed after the kidnappings, so Diana was not privy to this somewhat still-new revelation. “Lots of loud noises and screaming. Terrible screams…” Irina trailed off, forcing herself to look up and meet her former friends gaze directly. “Almost as if it was really happening,” she finished quietly.

@diana

[Deleted]

Diana tried to ignore the familiar tugging in her chest. At being so close to Irina. Her old and dear friend. She knew the distance she'd kept from almost everyone had hurt the dark haired girl. But it was necessary. Still she couldn't forget that draw. The desire to spend time with those dear to her once more. She'd learned to ignore it though. It was better this way. Because they wouldn't get hurt if things went wrong for Diana. They'd be clear of the ticking time bomb.

Still, Irina looked so... troubled. Even more so as she mumbled out her explanation about how real the dream was. Or rather, nightmare. Diana had been trying to keep her expression unreadable but it finally turned to a somber sympathy st just how distressed her former friend was. "I'm sorry." she mumbled out, and truly meant it. "Its over now though." She added, so Irina could be reassured it wasn't real.

Irina Rose Krum

[Irina Rose Krum]

Irina blinked rapidly; she was close to tears at Diana’s words, and at first she didn’t really understand why. Then it dawned on her, clear as day. Diana didn’t know about her Clairvoyancy. The girl who had come to stay at her house every summer for a week since their first year had ended, the girl whose secrets she had kept and given some of her own, had no idea what had been going on with Irina Krum over the past year. All because she had pulled away; she had never given Irina a proper explanation for it either, she just...vanished. The Gryffindor had felt a string cut between them, and she had no idea who had given out the scissors.

“It’s never over Diana,” Irina didn’t realize she had started speaking again until the words came out of her mouth. Her voice was low but hard; anger and heartbreak evident. “Ever since the week before Kings Cross, they come to me. Every bad thing that has happened to people I know, love, care about. I’ve seen their sufferings in my nightmares. I wake up screaming, terrified to fall back asleep in case my visions decide to share some other horrible fate with me. No matter what I do, no matter how much warning I can give the person whose fate I saw, I can’t change it. It’ll happen either way. Do you know how it feels to see something so terrible and be powerless to stop it?” Irina’s eyes were shining with tears. “You should have been there, Diana. I needed my best friend, and you pushed me away. I was vulnerable, alone, and you should have been there,” she said, the tears finally falling from her eyes onto her cheeks. She wiped them away furiously. “Happy now? You made me cry in the library,” she spat.

@diana

[Deleted]

Diana forgot how to breath for a moment. Irina was angry. So angry. And for a moment, Diana didn't understand why. And the fact that she didn't know why? Well that hurt. They'd been so close before everything just went down the drain. Could tell each other almost everything. But Diana didn't want people she cared about getting hurt. Not by Elaine. Not by things they'd told her and couldn't keep hidden if asked. It was better to stay away and let them hate her. Because if they hated her they wouldn't trust her with anything Elaine could use.

Which was why when Irina began to explain Diana closed her eyes. Silently pleading and screaming in her mind for Irina to stop. To not tell her this. Morbid curiosity made her listen though. Horrified to learn that her friend was actually having visions and not just nightmares. There was also a horrifying fear. What if Irina saw something about her? This was exactly why she was staying away from Kinsey! To avoid anything bad being accidentally passed on. But that comment. Of seeing something terrible and not being able to stop it. Diana's eyes opened and she looked at her friend, trying desperately to hide the overwhelmingly growing pain in her chest. Irina knew nothing of being helpless. Of knowing something would happen and just having to let it happen. That was her entire existence now. But Diana wasn't just watching. She was the one doing the terrible things and utterly powerless to stop herself. If she hadn't been forced by Elaine to control her power all the color in her appearance might have faded. Instead, her looks remained stoic, not giving away her extreme discomfort.

And now Irina was crying. Years of friendship almost made her reach out to try and comfort the girl. Her hand actually twitched to move but she managed to remain rooted to the spot. Trying to come up with some sort of answer to everything her friend had shared. Trying to think of some way to ensure Elaine couldn't ask her about this later, or how to make Irina stop crying. But she was drawing an almost complete blank. And so, she resorted to what had been her defense in similar situations. Of why she'd been so distant with her former friends. "Im sorry... I know I've been.... distance. I've... I've been going through a lot lately. Ever since last year-" she intentionally didn't didnt the sentence. A lot happened last year. But Irina would know what she meant. Diana had spent a week in St Mungos after her first 'allergic' reaction to unicorns. It's been severe, and it'd puzzled the healers for some time before figuring out what exactly was going on. There hadn't been a case of unicorn sickness in the country in... years. But when it did happen it was bad. Even being near unicorn hair wands could affect her.

Obviously that wasn't what she'd been distant. But blaming her behavior on an incurable illness was a pretty good excuse. "I know it's not excuse. But then with the tournament.. I didn't think you wanted me around..." another good excuse. Irina had spent quite a lot of time with Daniel while he was at the school.

Basically Diana was just full of excuses. And her appearance wasn't changing to give away the blatant lies like it normally would. It seemed as if she was being truly honest.

@diana

[Irina Rose Krum]

Diana was silent, and Irina didn’t know if that infuriated her even more or just made her feel worse for unloading on the Ravenclaw like she just did. It was a lot to take in, and she knew that part of her outburst was due to the months of pent up resentment and hurt she had felt when Diana cut her out of her life. But now everything on Irina’s end was out in the open, and there was nothing she could do to take it all back. She wiped away her tears and pulled out a tissue from her bag. Blotting her eyes, she took several deep but shaky breaths; it was a few minutes before she felt like it was safe to talk again. “Diana, of course I wanted you around,” she said sadly, then sighed. “I had my first real relationship this year, with my best friends’ brother. I needed my level-headed best friend to talk to, to reassure me I wasn’t crazy, that my brother would eventually be accepting of us being together.” Irina paused, her lower lip trembling a little bit. She took another breath though and held it together.

“When he left...Di it felt like my heart had been shattered into a million pieces. I didn’t want to wake up in the morning. I felt like a shell for days, missing a part of me that had run back to Germany.” Irina stopped, looking away. “I needed my best friend to comfort me, to say bad things about him that weren’t true but were only to make me feel better. To binge eat junk food and break curfew with. It should have been you but it wasn’t.” Irina looked back at her, a hard, blazing look in her eyes. “At least when we graduate you’ll have better luck avoiding me. I’ll be a Cursebreaker, and you’ll be wherever you ended up wanting to go to,” she snapped. Cursebreaking had been a dream they had shared together, but with how Diana had been for the past year, Irina doubted the girl felt the same way anymore.


@diana

[Deleted]

Irina was always a passionate and fiery person. It was probably why their friendship had worked so well. Irina was all passion while Diana grounded them. But then there were the times where Diana matched her friend's passion and intensity and nothing had stood a chance against them. But right now? Diana didn't feel very level headed or grounded. She felt small and weak. All she wanted to do was tell Irina why she'd been so distant and that she just wanted to keep the people she cared about safe. But she couldn't. In part because Elaine had ordered her not to tell anyone but also because Irina was the sort of person that would try to fix this. Would try to help free Diana and probably end up hurt or worse in the end. And irina's safety was more important to Diana then what Irina might say or think about her. Because she could live with being hated. She couldn't live with Irina getting hurt because of her.

Irina's long rants left the dark haired girl mute, even her thoughts silenced as she closed her eyes and took a slow breath. Only after that breath did words return to her. "I know." it was only two words but it spoke volumes. Knew she should have been there. Knew Irina had needed her. Knew she had been a terrible friend. Knew that she was the one in the wrong in this entire conversation and in their destroyed friendship. Knew she was to blame. She couldn't change the past. Or her decisions. Hell she couldn't even explain herself.

Diana met Irina's hard gaze with her own solemn, almost like someone who'd given up on all hope. She should have known Irina's path would stay the same. She should have intentionally done poor in one of the required classes to ruin her chances of being a Cursebreaker. To keep Irina safe and far from her. "I'll stay away, Irina. You're better off without me around..." she softly answered, breaking eye contact as she took a step back.

Irina Rose Krum
(We can probably end this at anytime)

[Irina Rose Krum]

Diana said nothing, and Irina’s anger abated into a resigned sadness and confusion. She wasn’t even arguing with Irina; there was just this….depressed resignation air about her. She had carried it around all year, since right before the kidnappings. It wasn’t something Irina could just dismiss; she noticed it around everyone Diana interacted with. This strange detached presence, like she didn’t want anyone getting too close to her. If she was recalling correctly, the only person Irina really saw her old friend interact with was the Ancient Runes professor. When Irina had gotten the ancient stone slab translated by Professor Kamuntu, she had walked in on her and Diana discussing something, which had ended quite abruptly when she had entered the room. Irina had never brought it up again, mostly due to the other girls avoidance of her, but now her curiosity was peaked. Something stopped her though, something in Diana’s tone.

“I don’t want you to stay away Di,” Irina said softly. She sighed, and gathered up her papers, putting them into her bag as smoothly and quickly as possible. She shrugged her back onto her left shoulder and walked up to Diana so they were face to face. “I want my best friend back,” she said, her eyes misty. “But, that’s never going to happen is it?” She shook her head a little and brushed past Diana, leaving the girl standing alone as she made her way back to the common room.


IRINA OUT

close this one out </3