Truth Is I Am Done Pretending (Riley)

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Kinsey felt numb and broken and empty. She shuffled through the corridors after her encounter with Dominic, not paying attention to anything around her. She didn't notice the people she passed or even where she was, just let her feet lead her somewhere without even really paying attention. She was so lost inside her mind that she didn't even notice the difference when she left the castle. 

She couldn't stop replaying Dom's words in her mind. They were festering, breaking down her defenses just as much now as they had in his presence. He knew her so well. Knew exactly what would tear her down the most. He didn't even bother with little stuff today, just went right for the killer: Riley. Kinsey cared for Riley, more than she ever thought possible, and she had confidence that he cared for her in return, but at the same time she was so insecure that she struggled to hold onto that confidence in him. For the last six years, she'd been torn down, berated and bullied on a constant basis. A few weeks of being with Riley helped immensely, but this was Dom. He knew how to take away her happiness and he did it again. 

Without realizing it, Kinsey's feet carried her to the empty bench beside the pond. If she'd been thinking or paying attention, she definitely wouldn't have gone there, because if he was looking for her, Riley would definitely check the pond. It was where they met, where Kinsey ate most of her meals and preferred to study. She wasn't paying attention though. Her mind was debating whether or not she should believe Dom's accusations, his words sinking deeper into her mind as she thought. She couldn't let them go.

@riley

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Riley had been having an average day. He finished his lessons, returned his things to his dorm and had been doing a little bit of research for his new position as advice columnist for the Hogwarts student newspaper. A position that he had got because of his ability to study people and read them basked on little things that they did, the way that they spoke, etc. Riley liked to think he was good at it. He wasn't, however, sure that he was a good writer and the thought of his words being in the newspaper for all to read scared him. How good was he at giving advice anyway? Maybe him being in this position was a joke? Grey seemed to think he'd be good for the job. But Riley still found himself conflicted. What if people found out who he was? Most people already thought he was enough of a freak.

Riley looked around, watching people, especially the ones who had submitted their questions for advice. However, a small dark haired girl caught his eye as she walked across the lawns towards the pond, a favorite spot of hers. Kinsey. He had been wondering where she was all day, he hadn't seen her since classes let out. When he saw her, he noticed that she was slow and sluggish and seemed to be walking absentmindedly towards her spot. What was she thinking about? He tossed his journal and pen back into his bag and then stood up, jogging over to her but not catching up until she had already reached her destination. "Hey Kins. What's going on?" he asked. 

@kinsey

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Kinsey was sitting down when she heard the familiar voice. His voice. Riley. Her heart rate increased and Kinsey didn’t know why. She couldn’t determine if she was excited to be near him, or nervous after everything Dom said to her today. Besides that, she felt like everything she was doing was slow motion. She didn’t jerk at the sound of his voice, her body didn’t respond noticeably. She aches to have his arms around her, to tell him everything and have him comfort her ... but could she? Would he hate her for doubting him initially? For doubting him still?

She slowly turned her head so she could look at him. ”Riley,” she breathed his name softly, a hint of a smile turning up the corners of her mouth but it didn’t reach her eyes. She still felt numb. She tried desperately to think of an answer to his question that wouldn’t incriminate her. ”I ... I don’t feel like myself today,” Kinsey eventually answered. It wasn’t a lie either. She felt like the broken-down version of her, not the version that Riley knew, but she didn’t know what she could do to be herself again.

@riley

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She admitted that she didn't feel like herself. Which was quite obvious to Riley, who continued to stand next to the bench rather than sit for another moment or two. He could better see her this way. She was slow, she was quiet and she was pale, like she had just saw a ghost and the mere fright had drained her of her energy. Something had happened, something had caused her to be this way. This didn't seem like a case of just waking up on the wrong side of the bed. No. This was obviously something more. He sat down next to her with a sigh, "Yeah, I can see that." he admitted, not saying so in a mean way to point out her flaw or anything, but more in simply expressing concern that he could tell she was down and wanted to make it better. "What happened, Kinsey?" he asked. He knew that she was being bullied, but it seemed like since they had been together her bully had left her alone and honestly, he had sort of forgotten about it entirely. Probably due to wishful thinking. If her bully continued to leave her alone then they could be happy and carefree. So, in the moment, he hadn't even begun to think it had anything to do with her nameless oppressor. 

@kinsey

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A part of Kinsey wanted to tell Riley right away what was wrong, what Dom said, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t just come out and repeat the terrible things Dom planted in her mind. Even though she couldn’t stop thinking about them. Riley was, he wasn’t what Dom suggested. He couldn’t be! A part of her knew that, but the fear that she was wrong ate at her, even in the few minutes since her encounter with Dom. She flinched slightly when Riley said he could tell she wasn’t herself. He wasn’t being mean, just stating the facts, but he saw through her so easily. What if he had been playing her all along? No! She didn’t want to believe that. Kinsey couldn’t bear the thought of it. She bit her lip and shook her head when he asked what happened. ”I don’t want to talk about it,” she answered in the softest of voices. She doubted Riley would let her get away with that for long, or at all, but she didn’t want to tell him.

@riley

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She told him that she didn't want to talk about it, which didn't really catch him off guard, but did enforce in his head the idea that something bad had happened rather than her just not feeling very good or being sick or something. Something had happened. Maybe she had run into one of her sisters and they had said something? Riley knew that Kinsey and Diana weren't getting along, and a part of him felt bad because of it, he felt like maybe he had helped cause the riff between them because he was working with Diana to try and keep Kinsey away. "Was it Diana?" he asked, just out of curiosity, he knew that him asking was the easiest way to get her to talk. She shut herself off from him, something that he hated. He wasn't able to read her, but he also didn't try very hard with her. He knew that she would come around when she needed to. He didn't want to seem invasive. And he wanted to trust to her to know what was best for herself. 

@kinsey

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Riley was sitting beside her on the bench now and Kinsey scooted so she was sitting closer to him. Then he asked if it was Diana. Kinsey instantly started shaking her head. ”No, I haven’t seen Diana in a while,” she admitted. She glanced over at her boyfriend, knowing that he wasn’t pleased. He hated when she did things like this. ”I’m sorry. I just ... I thought he forgot about me and was going to leave me alone, but he won’t.” Kinsey started shaking from cold and nerves. She didn’t want to talk about this with Riley, but she knew that even if Dom was right and Riley didn’t really care about her, she would tell Riley what happened. She might as well make it sooner rather than later, even though that made her even more anxious about the entire thing.

@riley

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It wasn't Diana. Riley set his arm around Kinsey's shoulders, hoping that it gave her some comfort as she spoke. She had hoped that he had forgotten about her... who? And then it finally set in. Finally. How had he been so clueless? How had he been so forgetful? He had let his little dream world become reality and this brought him back to what life was really like. "Who is it Kinsey? You have to tell me, they can't get away with doing this to you?!" He insisted. He was getting mad, he couldn't help it. His Kinsey was sitting here on a bench by the pond crying, the same as she had been during the very first time that they met. The time he had got her to laugh and talked with her about movies and weather and random little things to make her feel better. The first time he had touched her and held her. The first time he saw the way that the moonlight shined off of her hair in the moonlight. He didn't want to be mad for her sake, because he knew that she would be able to feel that he was mad. He wasn't mad at her, he was mad at the nameless person, the shadow that he couldn't catch.

@kinsey

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Riley moved so his arm was around her shoulders and Kinsey jumped and initially pulled away, then felt guilty. At his touch, she felt his strong urge to comfort her. Of course he wanted to comfort her. Dom was wrong. He had to be ... wasn't he? Was there a way for someone to pretend with their intentions, to trick her? Kinsey didn't know, and she didn't want to. She didn't want to even consider that Riley didn't really have feelings for her like he said he did, but Dom's words. She couldn't just dismiss them and couldn't forget them so easily. Still, despite the fact that she felt so confused, she didn't want Riley to feel bad, despite the fact that he couldn't have missed her moving away. She took a deep breath and moved back, closer to him as she tried to rest her head on his shoulder. She could sense his anger and shuddered a little because of it, but didn't pull away again. Instead, she shook her head repeatedly. "I can't. Please Riley, trust me. That will just make everything worse." She couldn't tell him about Dom. 

@riley

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Riley hated this feeling of helplessness. He wasn't normally the brave knight that would go into battle over anything. He was much more a watch and see kind of guy and his weapon of choice was words and his pen rather than an actual sword. But for Kinsey, he felt everything about his itching to make it stop. Whatever he had to do. He wanted it gone. Maybe it wouldn't be a battle. Maybe he could use a weapon that he hadn't had any practice with, but knew he always had as a backup option... money. Could he pay the person off? Pay him to leave Kinsey alone? Was that legal? Would that work? He wasn't sure of anything, he was just so furious. What kind of person would treat someone so innocent and obviously fragile this way? He wanted to stand up for her! He wanted to defend her. But he couldn't so instead he just help her. "You've got to give me something, Kinsey. How am I supposed to just sit here knowing that there's someone in the castle who wishes you harm?" he asked.

@kinsey

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Kinsey could sense his intentions strengthening. He wanted to help her, wanted to take it away but he couldn't. No one could. Telling Dom would make things worse for Kinsey and probably for him as well. Dom would find something that mattered to Riley and use it against him, she was certain of it. She shook her head slowly. "I can't. I won't let my bully get to you or anyone else I care about because of me. Just- just be here for me please. Don't make me do this on my own anymore," Kinsey begged, hoping beyond hope that he would listen. She still felt anxious and nervous about the entire thing, especially when she thought of what Dom said, but she couldn't think about that right now. As confused as she felt about everything to do with Riley, she wasn't going to let Dom get to him.

@riley

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She wouldn’t tell him and he knew he wasn’t going to get through to her. Riley wasn’t afraid of any bully, but maybe that was because he knew that even while someone could be mean to him and pick on things about him that maybe he was self-conscious about, he could see through the bully too. He could pick out the little things that the bully was thinking and while Riley wouldn’t necessarily openly use them against them. He wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself and his friends and he especially wasn’t afraid of standing up for his girlfriend. “Fine.” he said, not at all giving in, but ending the battle for now. He’d find out sooner or later, he knew. Even if just by accident. It was his job now to find things out about people. “I won’t, Kins. You don’t ever have to be alone. I’m sorry, I should have been with you today. If I was there then they couldn’t have bothered you.” he said, taking the blame because it was easier than accepting defeat.

@kinsey

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Kinsey tensed when Riley said "fine". He obviously wasn't happy that she wouldn't tell him who it was, but Kinsey was glad that he wouldn't push her more for information about her bully. Glad and guilty. She hated keeping secrets from Riley ... even when she was convinced it was for his own good. Then he started apologizing, saying he wouldn't leave her alone and her guilt rose. He misinterpreted what she was trying to say. She would never blame him for her bully catching her. She pulled away a little and shook her head, looking up at him, "That's not what I meant Riley. You can't always be there. I- we ran into one another after Arithmancy ... there was no way you could have stopped it. This isn't your fault," she looked up at him seriously, wanting to make sure he understood that she was not blaming him for the altercation with her bully. Then she bit her lip, her stomach starting to roll and she looked down, not able to meet his gaze. She couldn't, she was too nervous that Dom was right and Riley would leave her, even though there was a part of her that was entirely convinced he wouldn't. "I meant ... please don't let me deal with it on my own as in ... the aftermath. I've never had someone to talk to afterwards, someone to tell me that my bully is wrong or someone to listen to what happened and tell me I'm not worthless."Why couldn't she look up at him. She didn't realize that her hands were shaking. The rest of her was fine, but her hands betrayed her nerves. "I can't do it alone anymore," Kinsey admitted in a whisper.

@riley

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The bully caught up with her after Arithmancy class, a class that Riley didn't take with her. They had most of their lessons together, but they had two apart and it was difficult. He had considered switching into her subjects, he knew that he could do fine in any of the classes that Hogwarts offered, to some extent at least. But he didn't really care about either of the classes that his girlfriend was in without him, unless it meant that the bully was also in those classes and could have time with Kinsey when Riley wasn't there to protect her. He'd get a chance to add and drop classes at the end of the year, maybe it was something he would think about. Or was that crazy? He couldn't just drop everything for her, that was crazy. People would think that was weird. "Of course they're wrong, Kinsey... You're not worthless at all, you're smart and pretty,, and a very talented witch." he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "And I hate that anyone could ever make you feel this way because I love you, Kinsey." he told her. For the very first time. 

@kinsey

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Riley started to defend her almost immediately, which was a bigger relief than Kinsey cared to explain. She closed her eyes as he started complimenting her, noticing that his intentions were entirely sincere as he called her pretty and smart and talented. She finally felt herself starting to relax, for the first time since she found herself in the corridor with Dominic after Arithmancy. Riley meant every word he was saying. She could feel it and she chose to believe that it meant he really cared about her. Why would he try to protect her so if he didn’t really care for her? Sure, Dom’s argument was still there, but she trusted Riley. He wouldn’t lie to her. He continued talking and Kinsey’s breath caught as he finished his sentence. He loved her? She turned and looked over at him, sensing the sincerity in his words. He meant it. A small smile crossed her face and she reached her hand up to touch his hair gently, twisting a small piece of it around her finger. Riley loved her. She felt so happy and relieved that it took her a while before she could say anything back, so she stared into his eyes, her smile widening as she did so. “I love you back,” she whispered once her voice was under her control again, moving close enough to give him a lingering kiss, her hand still in his hair as she did so. She didn’t know when exactly her feelings got so strong for him, but they had and she couldn’t imagine life without him.

@riley