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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 13:14:04 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 13:14:04 GMT -7
I can’t breathe.
The last time Viola had breathed was two days ago. The ship had exploded and they had nearly drowned (don’t think about the ship, don’t think about the water, don’t think about the fire). Maria had died. Maria was dead. Maria was gone. Even though there was air in their lungs, Viola couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt – their chest, their lungs, their stomach, their heart. Maria had died, and Viola had been there, but not there, and Maria didn’t know. I loved you so much. Everything hurt, and Viola wanted to stop hurting, but they couldn’t, because everything, everywhere, was Maria. Even when they tried to think about something else, anything else – what had happened? Where was their family? Who else was gone? – their mind kept pulling itself back to Maria, like she was some magnet. A dead magnet that couldn’t help but attract the thoughts of the living.
Viola was sitting in their hospital bed, staring at the ceiling. They hadn’t spoken for two days, and didn’t plan on speaking anytime soon. It was difficult to speak when they couldn’t even breathe. They just wanted to stop the world, and keep it from moving forward without Maria in it. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The door to their room opened, but Viola didn’t move to look at the intruder. Go away. They didn’t want to listen to the Healers tell them that they were fine, because they weren’t fine. Physically, they were intact, with nothing but a head injury that only time could heal and slightly inflamed lungs that would go back to normal now that they were breathing air and not water, but mentally? Viola was far from fine. They were just a black hole, too empty to be sad or angry or tired. They gobbled up light and sunshine and happiness, because if they were miserable without Maria, then the whole world deserved to be a little miserable, too.
@daniel
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 19:40:32 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 19:40:32 GMT -7
Daniel had started the process of moving to England but put it all on hold in order to visit his classmates at the hospital. He was mortified about that task, at first, because the emotions back at school were dark enough... and he avoided hospitals as a rule, sort of, because of his ability but... he felt horrible. He felt horrible that he had left early and therefore had survived off of sheer dumb luck. He should have been on that ship with his classmates. Maybe he could have gotten more out.
More than three.
He stopped by Adonia and Brandons room first, though Brandon wasn't conscious and Adonia was on so much pain killing potion that he was sure she was flying high as a kite. He asked about Viola, why they weren't with the others, and the healers solemnly spoke of how they were moved due to their injuries being more internal... mental. That made Daniels heart ache.
He didn't know the nature of Maria and Violas relationship really, so he had no idea how badly they were hurting. That was not until he was standing in the doorway.
He tried not to gasp too loudly at the shocking black hole that was Viola Chase at that moment. It was like an endless void, and he could feel himself getting sucked into oblivion. But he had practiced this. He was going to be okay. He wasn't the one that mattered, here.
He stepped into the room, not bothering to knock, and moved into their line of sight. "Hey, Viola," he greeted softly.
@viola
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 23, 2017 19:55:06 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 19:55:06 GMT -7
The intruder didn't go away. Viola was content to ignore them, whoever they were, until they moved into their line of sight. Daniel? What was he doing here? For a moment, Viola felt, but the emotions were just fleeting, dying stars that flared into supernovas before being sucked into into the deep cold of their insides. Anger. (He could have saved us.) Relief. (He is not gone.) Sadness. (Maria is gone.) Even the small, weak spurts of emotion were exhausting for Viola, and they wanted nothing more than to return to the embrace of their bed and of sleep and of a place where pain did not exist. But that wasn't going to happen. Viola turned on their side, curling their knees into their chest as they stared up at Dan with wide, unblinking eyes. Why was he here? Did he just pity them or something? Even as fractured as they were, Viola didn't need pity. They didn't want pity. And if not because he felt some obligation to come visit them, since they were his school mate, then why visit at all? Viola finally blinked at Dan, not sure they wanted the answer. (They still couldn't breathe.)
@daniel
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 26, 2017 19:08:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2017 19:08:19 GMT -7
Their emotions came and left upon seeing him so quickly that it was almost hard to catch them. It was like trying to catch a butterfly with your hand. You wanted to be quick, but not so quick that you crushed it. The anger was bright, then gone. The relief was nice, then gone. The sadness was like an ice cold wind, then gone. Nothing could survive being sucked into the abyss. They turned on their side and continued to stare up at him. He cocked his head to the side, trying to make his head at the same horizontal level that theirs was.
After a moment he straightened his neck to grab a chair and slide it back over to where Viola was looking. He sat down. "May as well get comfortable. If there is such a thing," he said, his voice slightly laced with humor. This was how Dan dealt with things. With humor and if that didn't work, with apathy. He was trying to find a middle ground.
"And how does that make you feel?" he added. Maybe, just maybe, he could get a spark of something out of them...
@viola
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 27, 2017 7:34:57 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 7:34:57 GMT -7
Dan, Viola decided, was strange. It was strange that he was here, and even stranger that he seemed to be making an effort to talk to them, when by all accounts it was obvious they weren’t going to speak back. Dan said that he might as well get comfortable, and Viola’s chin moved down a fraction of an inch. The movement was barely perceptible, but if someone did see it, it could be interpreted as a nod. There was no such thing as comfortable, but if Dan wanted to try to achieve it anyways, then that was his prerogative.
At the question about how they felt, Viola blinked. They were about to summon some thought or other when a nurse bustled in, walking behind Dan. “She’s not going to talk to you, you know.” Annoyance. There it was, a faint spark that lasted just a bit longer than anything else they had felt earlier. Viola hated that the nurses insisted on referring to them by their biological sex, but apparently no one else had informed the St. Mungo’s staff of Viola’s preferred pronouns, and they certainly weren’t going to be the ones to do it. Viola waited for the nurse to leave again before turning their eyes back to Dan. How did they feel? Numb.
@daniel
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 29, 2017 8:00:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2017 8:00:19 GMT -7
Violas head moved just a little, which Dan took as a nod, which was nice.That meant he wasn't entirely ruining their day. Then they blinked, which he also took as a good sign. A nurse came in and Dan turned as they spoke, raising an eyebrow. "That doesn't matter," he answered, maybe a little bit harshly. "And it's 'they're', by the way," he said, his tone softening a little. He didn't want this nurse to get mad at him for being a smart ass and kick him out. That had happened in other places before and he didn't need it to happen here. "Viola doesn't go by 'she or her'. That might help when communicating with them," he knew it wouldn't him much until Vi was ready to talk, but it was a start.
The nurse left and Dan's attention focused back on Vi. They were looking at him, and he could feel... well, almost nothing. Which meant that Viola was feeling almost nothing. He leaned forward, "I want to tell you something, Vi.I can... I know you can't talk," he confirmed, "but I can tell what you're feeling. It's this silly 'gift' I have. Or some people say it's a gift," he was still learning to see it that way. "It's empathy, I guess, but more... magical. And I know you're feeling nothing. And you need to know that's okay."
@viola
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 29, 2017 8:08:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2017 8:08:19 GMT -7
Viola blinked again when Dan told the nurse that their lack of response didn’t matter, and then even went as far as to tell the nurse their preferred pronouns. Well, that was nice. Viola surprised themself, because they were certain that they weren’t going to feel anything even in the realm of happiness, but something warm burned in their chest when they heard Dan say the things that he did. It didn’t have a name, really. It was just warm. And then, like all good things, it collapsed rather quickly, replaced by memories of Maria and the way she was always too warm for them and how now that Maria was gone, they felt horribly, devastatingly cold. Viola gulped in a loud breath, trying to remember how to breathe.
The nurse left them both and the minute tension that had settled in between Viola’s shoulders relaxed somewhat. Dan leaned in – bad idea, they couldn’t remember the last time they had brushed their teeth – and said that he knew that they couldn’t talk, but that he knew what they were feeling. Viola’s face twitched slightly as confusion flitted across their brain. That wasn’t supposed to happen – feeling what others felt. And then Dan said something that Viola had been slightly terrified of hearing – that he knew they were feeling nothing. Viola took a moment to process, and then slowly uncurled one of their arms from their side, reaching out towards Dan but not touching him. They weren’t sure that they liked the nothingness curled in their chest, but they liked it a little more now that they weren’t alone.
@daniel
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 29, 2017 8:13:07 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2017 8:13:07 GMT -7
Violas face moved a little, and Dan felt a slight hint of confusion. That was to be expected. That's what always happened. Then, after he finished speaking, there was nothing for a moment... until they're arm started to move. Dan was startled a little, looking down at the hand that was reaching out to him.
This was a hard moment for Daniel. He didn't usually touch people for fear that their emotions would make his brain burst. But... Viola had never really been an issue, he remembered. And they weren't feeling much now... and even if they were, he felt he could handle it. He'd been practicing and this was important. He slowly reaching his own hand out and clasped theirs.
He immediately felt that nothing, that numb, that emptiness envelop him. He took a deep breath in through his nose. There was something else there, too. Something smaller. He had the feeling they were glad he was there. He closed his eyes and lowered his head for a moment, not saying anything more for the moment.
@viola
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 29, 2017 10:17:03 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2017 10:17:03 GMT -7
Viola hadn’t known whether or not Dan would take their hand. They had noticed through their later years of school that Dan didn’t make a habit of touching much anyone, but now that they had a hypothesis as to why – probably something to do with the empathy – they felt better about reaching out. They weren’t going to be upset if Dan didn’t touch them, because that would just be par for the course, but the moment his hand closed around theirs, another rush of beautiful warmth flowed through them. It was still fleeting, but just as with all warm things, there was a ghost left behind even when the original emotion faded. Dan’s hands were also physically warm, and that felt nice after the frigid temperatures of the hospital room. Viola wasn’t sure if there was an emotion that they could feel that would parallel what they would’ve said to Dan, if they could speak. Stay. Instead, they clung onto the memory of that brief thrill of warmth and contentment that came when Dan had taken their hand, and hoped that eventually, they could capture the feeling permanently.
@daniel (we can end this maybe? idk if you'll get much more out of vi)
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 31, 2017 9:12:23 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2017 9:12:23 GMT -7
Dan decided to just stay silent, but he looked up to meet their eyes. This wasn't so bad. It wasn't like their emotions were overwhelming. The lack of was a bit, but there was something there. The longer Daniel held onto someone the more he could feel the deeper parts of their emotions. The parts that they were trying to hide or didn't even know they were there. Somewhere inside this person was something positive, something that he couldn't abandon here alone. He didn't even know how much time had gone by just sitting there before he spoke again. "I'm a Chaser on the Applby Arrows team," he said with a soft chuckle. "So, sadly, I have practice tomorrow but I'll come by again, I swear," that didn't meant he was leaving yet, though. He lingered a bit longer.
@viola (guess we can do another date at the hospital?)
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Oct 31, 2017 14:27:53 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2017 14:27:53 GMT -7
Viola heard Dan say that he was a Chaser on the Appleby Arrows, but it sounded more like an echo than his voice had before. Viola had a feeling that was probably them – they hadn’t pulled themself this close to being a functional human being since the accident, and it was exhausting. Viola drifted off into space, not quite asleep but not quite awake either, aware of Dan’s presence up until the moment he departed.
---
Viola had sleepwalked. They were aware of this only because they had woken up when they were halfway up the flight of stairs to the hospital’s roof by a nurse who looked unsure as to whether to be angry or sympathetic. Viola hadn’t meant to do anything – they had been asleep, after all – but the staff at the hospital seemed to think that the sleep walking was an indication that their mental state was deteriorating rather than improving. Viola had also been cuffed to their bed to prevent any more incidents, and while they intellectually understood the necessity of the measure, emotionally… Viola was not pleased whatsoever. The cuffs made it hard to curl up until a ball, which was Viola’s default state as of late, so they were forced to lay in corpse pose, the irony of which was not lost on them as they resumed their vigil of the ceiling.
@daniel
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Nov 9, 2017 11:24:01 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2017 11:24:01 GMT -7
Dan felt bad that he couldn't come back right away after he left, but he came as soon as he could. The nurses told him about the sleepwalking when he arrived, but failed to mention the cuffs. His eyes shot straight to them when he walked into the room and he felt his blood starting to boil. He understood why, though, but he still didn't like that it was necessary. He stepped further in, out of the doorway, and took a deep breath in through his nose. He moved to the seat by the bed, sitting without hesitation. "Sleepwalking, huh? I've never done that. It's scary stuff, I'm sure," he commented. "Though, I can see how it would be nice to fall asleep and wake up in a different place. Or maybe a different world, where things are different."
@viola
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Nov 17, 2017 11:05:20 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2017 11:05:20 GMT -7
The weird thing about living in absolute silence was that it seemed to make Viola's hearing sharper. When Dan breathed in through his nose, they heard, and lifted their head to look at him for a moment before laying back down. When Dan began to speak, Viola wasn't sure whether or not it was supposed to sound condescending. Even if they wanted to be angry, they weren't sure they could be, so Viola just nodded. Sleepwalking wasn't that scary - it was more the nurses' reactions to it that freaked them out, since being manhandled wasn't a fun experience for someone who didn't like being touched. Dan mentioned waking up in a different world, and a stab of longing ran through Viola. A world where Maria was still alive sounded like a good on. Viola turned on their side - at least as best as they could with the cuffs - to stare at Dan. They wanted to know how his day had been, but that was a bit difficult to ask with only emotions - and weak ones, at that - at their disposal.
@daniel
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Nov 21, 2017 9:27:51 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2017 9:27:51 GMT -7
They lifted their head to look at him and he gave a little wave, even though they laid back down. But then they turned to stare at him, which he was pretty used to now since the last time he visited. He shrugged, leaning back in the chair, "had Quidditch practice today. Did I tell you I'm playing for the Applby Arrows? Quidditch is my favorite," he said, his tone casual. "Then I went to lunch with a good friend of mine, so that was fun. I talked to some other kids from school. They aren't coming to visit because they are afraid all of them coming at once wouldn't be good. I'm sure Adonia isn't entirely thrilled about people not coming," he chuckled, "that girl likes her attention. Anyway, I don't usually talk this much. Kind of weird being the one doing all the talking, to be honest."
@viola
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last online Mar 29, 2024 3:03:55 GMT -7
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Nov 22, 2017 10:50:15 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2017 10:50:15 GMT -7
Viola decided that they liked it when Dan asked yes or no questions. It made them feel like they were able to be a part of the conversation even though they were voiceless. Dan was interesting, because he didn’t make them feel bad like the nurses did. It wasn’t even his attitude towards them – some of the nurses had realized that forcing them to talk wasn’t going to work – but something about him made Viola feel like they were going to be okay. They nodded when Dan asked if he had told them about being on the Appleby Arrows. He was a Chaser, he had said. Viola wrinkled their nose when Dan mentioned the kids from their school. The only people Viola wanted to visit them were the ones who had come on the Durmstrang ship, because those were the only people they had really allowed to know them. Viola nodded again when Dan said that Adonia liked her attention. The other girl probably wasn’t handling everything well, either, considering that her relationship to Maria was similar to Viola’s own. The realization that they weren’t the only one hurting hit Viola like a brick wall, and they shut their eyes, trying to keep the shards of guilt from piercing their heart.
@daniel
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