Turn Me Away (Sav)

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Jace could not remember a moment in his life when he felt more like a failure. Granted, there were plenty of times when he was upset or blamed himself for things in the past, like when his mom died, but this was a different kind of hurt. He felt guilty for letting his team down. Jace was so excited when he was chosen as the Gryffindor Seeker. He loved Quidditch, loved going after the snitch and the thrill of the game. He'd been so excited for the November game and the opportunity to help his new house. But the lost. Not just by a little bit either. He blamed himself. Sure, Jace knew it was a team effort, but catching the snitch was worth so many points that not only did he cost his team the game, but his failure to catch it first also made it a humiliating loss.

He didn't want to go back to the Common Room. He knew plenty of Gryffindors would be there, disappointed by the loss and doing there homework. He had homework to do as well, but Jace was not in the mood. Instead, he found himself making his way to the Black Lake. Once he got there, he tossed things into the water. Sticks, leaves, and he even tried skipping rocks, but he'd never been good at this. Eventually he just sat down and stared at the Lake, unable to pull his mind from the game and the loss. He should stop thinking about it, but he wasn't entirely sure if he could.

@sav

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After Sav left his mother, who had sought him out after the Quidditch match and stayed behind to talk to him when he had wanted to just sit in quiet contemplation, he made his way back to the castle, however, on his way, he saw a familiar figure by the black lake, so he turned and headed there instead. “It seems we had the same desire to avoid the common room.” Sav said as he walked up behind the younger boy. He knew that Jace would have to be feeling pretty bad about the outcome of the match, just as much as Sav had. This was Jace’s first game and he was new to the sport, being from America. However, Sav never would have added the boy to the team if he didn’t believe he wasn’t the best person in that position. “Can i sit? Or, should i leave you with your thoughts?” he asked, not wanting to intrude as his mother had done. Even if he loved her and overall hadn’t minded their conversation, he still had wanted to be alone.

@jace

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Jace was so entirely caught up in his own thoughts and emotions that he didn’t even hear someone approaching him. Normally he was attentive to his surroundings, but today he couldn’t. He didn’t even care. Then again, he also didn’t think that anyone would want to talk to him at the moment. At least none of the fans of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. He’d lost them the match. Sure, he knew other people had a play into it as well, but he also felt like the blame was mostly on his shoulders.

When he heard the familiar voice coming from behind him, Jace turned around, his eyes wide. Crap. Was Sav mad at him? Jace looked up at him, feeling somewhat anxious. He had only known Sav for a few months and, honestly, the guy was a hero to him. He was so good at Quidditch and so positive. Jace thought he was an amazing Team Captain, which made his embarrassment even worse. Jace nodded, “Yeah, I’m not ready to go there yet.” That fact was obvious by where he was sitting, but Jace left it at that.

Honestly, Jace expected Sav to nod at him and leave, but to his surprise the older Gryffindor asked if he could join him. Jace’s eyes widened, but he was nodding again. “Of course you can sit. My thoughts aren’t such good company right now,” he admitted, scoffing slightly at himself. He needed to be more positive, but he couldn’t help it.

@sav

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The younger boy admitted that he wasn’t ready to go back to the common room and Sav nodded with a sigh of his own. He understood that he definitely felt the same way, as he mentioned previously. His mother had tried to tell him that no one in the common room would blame him for losing the match, and while a part of his brain did realize that was probably the case, he wasn’t going to bother trying to impart that reasoning onto the younger boy. Possibly because Sav still didn’t really believe it himself. Instead, he just sat down next to the his seeker and didn’t say anything for a bit. Instead, he just watched the fall and cress of the small waves against the edge of the lake. There wasn’t a huge tide as it was sitting water, but there was always movement. Sav knew that countless forms of magical creatures lived within the waters. “Are you worried that you lost the match for us?” The captain asked after a few minutes of silence. He didn’t at all blame Jace. If anyone, he was a little disappointed in their keeper, but mostly, he blamed the skill of the Hufflepuff team in their win.

@jace

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Jace heard Sav sighed and looked over at the older student, finally realizing that Sav seemed about as disappointed as he did. It made sense. Sav was the Team Captain. Jace knew he'd been excited at the opportunity for them to show off their abilities, it just didn't go the way they'd hoped this time. He looked out across the Black Lake again when Sav sat down beside him. It was kind of nice to sit there in companionable silence, actually. When Sav approached him, Jace was a little worried that things would be awkward, but they weren't. He felt comfortable, especially since Sav wasn't trying to make him talk. It was nice to not be entirely alone with his thoughts though. After a while, Sav spoke, asking if Jace was worried that he'd lost the match. Jace's jaw locked as he felt the emotions take over again. Still not looking at his team captain, he nodded tersely. He wasn't worried about it, but that was exactly what Jace was feeling. It was his fault, at least it was partly his fault that the defeat was so monumental. He bit his cheek for a second before he finally forced himself to speak. "Sorry," was the only word he could force himself to speak, his voice gruff as he said the solitary word. 

@sav

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All jace said in reply to Sav’s question was a simple, ‘Sorry’. Sav sighed. He knew that he had been taking it hard, but he also had been playing the game for a while and the younger man had just started. It wasn’t his fault at all. “Even if you had caught the snitch we still wouldn’t have won.” Sav admitted in earnest. He knew that was true, they had played a fine game, but overall, Hufflepuff had played a better game. “What we should be doing is giving it up to the other team - Hufflepuff really played brilliantly, and, while it resulted in our loosing, we just have to give it up to the nature of the game. Not every match is going to be tilted in our favor.” Sav tried to explain, wondering if Jace would understand what he was trying to get across in his words. The fact of the matter was, Sav was still trying to comprehend these words on his own. But he did know them to be true. He hoped that Jace would come to accept them as well. “There will be other matches,” he added. “And we won’t lose those ones.” he shrugged.

@jace

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So caught up in his own mind and disappointment, Jace didn’t hear his captain’s sigh at his words. He was trying to get a rein on his emotions as well. He hated being so upset that he couldn’t speak. Sav then spoke, saying they wouldn’t have won even if he did catch the snitch. “I know that,” Jace answered, glad that he was able to speak now, but not glad enough to smile or anything. “I just … if I could have caught it we wouldn’t have lost so badly.” That was his disappointment. He knew he couldn’t have changed the result, but Gryffindor didn’t have to suffer such a terrible defeat. That was on him, in part, though deep down he knew it was on all of them.

Sav started talking again, saying that they should be congratulating the Hufflepuff team and Jace snorted. “I can congratulate them tomorrow. I know they played well, and I’m happy for them, but I need a bit to come to grips with it all.” Jace wasn’t good at losing. It didn’t normally happen and he just didn’t like the way it felt. No one did, but that’s not how he was thinking in this moment. He nodded when Sav said that there were other matches and that they wouldn’t lose them. Jace looked up at his captain, sensing the determination in his tone and nodded slowly. “You’re right,” Jace answered. “I guess I should focus on what I struggled with during this game and use it to help me prepare for the next one.” That was definitely a more productive way to think. He just needed to force himself to do it instead of wallowing in his disappointment.

@sav

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Sav wasn’t sure when the switch had happened for him. He had been playing on the Gryffindor team since his second year. He was always large for his age and was a beater from the beginning. When he was young, it had been really easy to let his emotions get the better of him, especially at the loss of a match. He would blame himself even if he knew that nothing that he had done would have changed the outcome of the match. Eventually, in his 4th-5th years, he started to just turn off his emotions upon the event of a loss, and that was just as unhealthy as being upset, he knew. Last year there wasn’t Quidditch, and maybe the reason that he wasn’t taking this loss so hard was that he was just happy to be playing again. He had lost a year of practice. They all had. Now, in the event of a loss, he allowed himself to feel sad and defeated. He liked to be alone and ponder the game. He liked to think about what they could improve on and work on those things in their upcoming practices. That was what he had been trying to do when his mother came to try and cheer him up after the match.

“Exactly. Learn from what happened today. I’m not expert at taking a defeat gracefully, but I also know that no one wants to be a sore loser.” not that he thought that jace was acting like a sore loser, but he mostly just spoke from his own experience as a younger player who wanted to win more than he wanted anything else in his life. Now, while winning was nice, it was playing the game that he wanted to do more than anything else. “At least we got to play. We got to see what we’re in for, and now we know that we have to work harder and step up our game for the next match.” he said, confidently.

@jace

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Sav explained that the important thing was learning from what happened today and being a good sport, even when losing and Jace nodded his head. "Yeah, I know," he said, starting to feel a little bit better than he'd been feeling the past few minutes. "I just ... wish things went differently today, but I know that won't change things." Boy, did he know that. Jace went through plenty of wins and losses with Quodpot at Ilvermorny. The only difference was that right now he was trying to prove he belonged where he was and Jace didn't entirely feel like he was doing a good job at that. He nodded, "I am excited to practice and work on my skills more," he admitted. As much as Jace hated losing, he had to admit that the Hufflepuff seeker was great. They were fast, could roll and do sharp turns. Jace could too, but not to the same degree. "We'll do better next time," he said in a determined tone. Then he looked to his captain, "So ... are you feeling any better about today?" It probably wasn't his place to ask, but Jace couldn't help himself.

@sav

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Sav was glad to see that the younger boy was slowly coming around. Sav was happy to have been able to help him to feel better about the loss and maybe learn to cope with this sort of thing a little better. Not that it was bad to be upset about it, but it was bad to hold onto it for a while. It was always bad to hold onto sour emotions. “It’s okay to be upset about it.” Sav insisted. “But, as long as we don’t let it keep us down.” Sav said. Often times, it was better to let this sort of anger power you to work harder. So many people just gave up after a loss, but it always pushed Sav to work harder. Sav nodded when Jace said that they would do better next time. “We certainly will,” he agreed. He had no doubt in his mind. Jace then asked if Sav was feeling better about it all and Sav shrugged. “It’s always hard to accept defeat. But it really is what we do with it that defines us, so yeah, I feel better about it.” Sav admitted. “I don’t think I’m going back to the common room right away, though.” he added.

@jace

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Talking with Sav was definitely a good thing for Jace. He wasn't the kind of person that was big into getting after himself, but it was nice to have someone- his captain no less- tell him that he did well and shouldn't blame himself. Jace was certain that the next owl from his dad would say the same thing, but it was nice to hear it in the moment as well. He nodded, thinking on Sav's words but not feeling the need to comment on them. Jace didn't want to let this experience get him down. He wanted to have fun here at Hogwarts, to get better at seeking and do better in the next game. He had a lot to do, but he wasn't feeling hopeless about it any more. "Me too," Jace answered when Sav said that he was feeling better about it now. Then he snorted softly, "No, I'm not ready to go in either. D'you want to just stay out here for a bit?" Jace hesitated for a second before adding, "If you don't, that's fine. I think I'm going to wait out here for a little bit. It's calming to watch the water, I think." Jace always liked water. Running water, ponds, lakes,  they soothed him for some reason and he simply enjoyed being near to them. If Sav felt the same he was more than welcome to stay and if not, Jace would be fine.

@sav
(you can end it! Unless you wanna leave it there)