cry little sister | penelope

[diana eoina bainbridge]

blue masquerade

strangers look on

September 2023
penelope raisa bainbridge

Diana adjusted her blue scarf. It was still autumn, but now that the sun had gone down, the tower became a chilly place. It had become harder to concentrate, at least more than usual since she’d returned to school, but at least she was able to relax. Her sixth year had a harrowing experience, and she kept losing sleep over the situation she had got herself into. Putting distance between herself and her immediate younger sister had been something that almost physically hurt her, but she couldn’t risk her darkest secret being exposed. Aside from the personal risk, it put all of her siblings at risk. Cara knew something was wrong. After all, they were twins—two halves of a whole, but Diana insisted she was okay. Just nervous for their last year of school. Their brother had graduated and gone to play Quidditch, Cara had her writing, and Diana wondered if there was a place for her in one of the many Ministry departments where she could put her knowledge and skill to use.

She sighed and adjusted the telescope. This time of year, one was supposed to see several constellations, and while she had already completed her Astronomy assignment, she wasn’t quite ready to go back to her common room yet. She spotted Cassiopeia, named after a vain and arrogant Greek queen, and she’d spotted Pegasus as well, Bellerophon’s winged horse. Diana had read these stories in a book she’d found that belonged to her father, but it wasn’t necessarily part of their curriculum here. Her mind had begun to wander once more until she heard her name. Looking up, she blinked a few times to adjust her vision back to using two eyes and noted the blond hair. One of the triplets—Penelope. ”Hey Penny.” She greeted her sister, adjusting her scarf again. The youngest Bainbridge girls were in their fifth year now. ”Erm—did you keep Astronomy this year?” She hadn’t been paying attention to the discussion of classes for OWLs and NEWTs, having been stuck in her own head instead.

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[penelope raisa bainbridge]

September 2023

If not for the fact that Diana was her sister, Penelope might have had much greater difficulty in getting along with her. They weren't the best of friends, but they were family, and Penelope continued to hold fast to the hope that that tie was strong enough to continue to bind them, even with Diana and Cara's being in their final year of school. It was already shaping up to be an interesting year, too, with the Triwizard Tournament on the horizon. Because she was younger than the students who had come to Hogwarts from abroad, Penelope hadn't spent as much time around them, though she hoped that whoever would be chosen as the champion to represent Hogwarts would do a good job of it. It wasn't something that she would have aspired to, the Hufflepuff thought, but blending in and avoiding too much attention was more her style.

With an Astronomy lesson coming up, Penelope had made her way up the steep staircase to the top of the tower. The rest of her classmates hadn't yet arrived, but Diana was there. She seemed surprised to see her there, though Penelope knew that she wouldn't have been anywhere near the tower otherwise. It was strictly prohibited for students to be up there outside of class times, though that made sense because of the height of the structure itself. Penelope occasionally wondered how much she could see with her naked eye from up so high, but it was Diana's question to her that held her attention. "Erm—did you keep Astronomy this year?"

"Yeah," Penelope nodded, going ahead and setting up her telescope on one of the stands as she spoke. "I can't drop it until after OWLs," she reminded Diana. Because it was a compulsory subject until then, that meant that she was at least the better part of a year and an examination away from having the option not to take Astronomy again. Really, it would be dependent upon her marks on her OWL, but Astronomy was likely to be one she would keep. (On the other hand, she assumed that she would be dropping Potions, certainly, once she had completed her OWLs. She didn't really see a use for the subject, even though making potions was a useful skill.)

Though Diana was technically out after curfew, Penelope didn't really mind. Out of her sisters, she spent the least amount of time with Diana, so getting to have a real conversation with her—even if it was about school—was nice. If their professor had a problem with that, then Penelope was willing to fib about it and say that Diana had only just come with her to see to it that she had gotten to the top of the tower alright. After what had happened the previous year, Penelope doubted that even the strictest members of the school's staff would find fault with that.

diana eoina bainbridge

[diana eoina bainbridge]

blue masquerade

strangers look on

September 2023
penelope raisa bainbridge

Diana knew that her time in the tower was limited with the fifth year’s class about to begin. For once, she hadn’t lost track of time, though obviously, the hours to view the stars were limited. It had been a subject she had kept purely out of interest versus academic usefulness in a career—surely she was allowed that. For a moment, she had forgotten that only in rare cases was astronomy not taken by the younger students. With how much time Diana had spent in her own head running in circles, she’d almost missed that her youngest siblings were growing up. With the Triwizard Tournament business, Diana could hide a bit more in the shadows, curl up in a farther corner of the Common Room with a book to try and get her mind off things. But she’d also felt herself pulling further and further away from her family.

She wondered if it was noted all, she was the quieter type especially next to Cara, but her family was important to her even if the degrees of closeness varied. Diana nodded at Penelope’s response. ”You think you’ll keep it?” She asked, glancing back at her own telescope and then the sky. ”I’m not sure when i’ll ever use Astronomy, but I always enjoyed it.” She added, looking a comment longer before returning her gaze to her sister with a slight smile on her face. It wasn’t forced for once as she pushed her dark hair behind her ear and out of her face. Lately, her hair had been mostly dark with a blond streak on one side to match Cara though the triplets also had blonde hair. This way, she matched Kinsey even if she talked to her the least. Though it had been hard at times to stop her hair from reacting to how she was feeling.

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[penelope raisa bainbridge]

September 2023

"You think you'll keep it?" Diana asked, and it sounded to Penelope like a genuine question for a change. "I'm not sure when I'll ever use Astronomy," she added, "but I always enjoyed it." Penelope thought she saw a smile upon her older sister's face and almost had to check that she wasn't imagining its existence. It was more and more infrequent to see a smile from Diana, and it was hard for Penelope to come up with a real reason as to why that was. It seemed that she felt that she was too cool for the rest of them anymore and that it was a way of impressing her friends, but it still hurt that she hardly seemed to acknowledge her own siblings.

Penelope didn't want to hold it against her. She wanted to believe—however naïve of her it might have been—that Diana did still love her, even if she didn't always show that. Maybe she was reading too much into it, like tea leaves in Divination class, but she almost believed that that was true. They were alone without anyone for Diana to impress, and they weren't fighting over anything to put even more distance between them. While Penelope could have called attention to the smile Diana gave her, she wondered if perhaps it was better for her not to.

"Yeah," Penelope nodded. Unable to help smiling just a little bit, she answered Diana's question about keeping Astronomy after her OWLs. "I think I will. I mean, it's sort of relaxing, isn't it?" She knew it wasn't as practical, perhaps, but it was enjoyable, and she knew that she could do reasonably well at it. "Shall I check if you're allowed to stay up here once our lesson starts?" she offered, not wanting to rush Diana out of there if she could avoid it.

diana eoina bainbridge

[diana eoina bainbridge]

blue masquerade

strangers look on

September 2023
penelope raisa bainbridge

This was probably the longest conversation she’d had with any of the triplets in months, but Diana was hardly keeping track. Counting such a statistic only furthered her depression and increased the weight she felt in her chest. Even Cara had taken to asking her what was on her mind more often, and it was harder to hide from her own twin than Kinsey or the rest. Dustin was off playing Quidditch, not noticing the schism that was slowly forming. Family had always been so important to her, and she was the oldest sister out of all of them—and yet, even if she wanted to break down and tell them everything, she was magically bound not to. It was the most agonizing prison she could imagine, worse than being locked away in Azkaban—much like having a goal just within reach but you would never get there.

”It is—I like to come up here and think sometimes.” Diana admitted softly. The Common Room used to be her favorite place where she could curl up in a chair and enter her own little world, but Cara and Kinsey were there, and she needed a place to herself. Sometimes she would hide in the corner of the library but most avoided the towers with their many stairs. Penelope offered to ask if she could stay, and Diana paused. A wave of anxiety passed over her, but after a moment, she nodded her head ‘yes’. ”Sure—I can stay for a little bit.” And the less would be going on, it wasn’t as if her sister could grill her with any questions. Diana gave her a small smile, pushing her blonde hair behind her ear. Usually, it might have changed color in response to happily spending time with her little sister, but her main emotions were only dark lately.

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[penelope raisa bainbridge]

September 2023

Diana agreed with her that it was relaxing up there, though her voice was softer and calmer than Penelope expected that it would be. Obviously, they were having a conversation; she wasn't being as withdrawn as had become typical of her, but there was something to suggest that Diana was more at ease than she had been. She didn't respond immediately when asked if she could stay, and Penelope held her breath as she waited for her to respond.

She replied affirmatively, though, and said that she could stay for a little while. Penelope smiled at that. The very thought that Diana wanted to spend time with her was almost unbelievable, and she didn't want to scare her off. It didn't matter to her if they didn't talk about much. Being with Diana and knowing that she wasn't bothering her was significant to her.

"Di?" Penelope swallowed. Knowing that it was still just the two of them up there, though, she had to take a chance. "…Can I hug you?"

diana eoina bainbridge

[diana eoina bainbridge]

blue masquerade

strangers look on

September 2023
penelope raisa bainbridge

Numb. It had taken Diana a little bit of time to realize that was the correct word for how she’d been feeling lately. The anxiety overwhelmed her to the point of numbness, and that was how she managed her existence lately. Plus, it had become more obvious as her hair was less likely to change color—like some disconnect between her abilities and her emotions existed. Her only escapes were places that were quiet or at least less enclosed. Potions were the worst. Being in the dungeons made her feel claustrophobic, and she couldn’t even focus enough to experiment with her ingredients rather than pay attention.

There was a pause, and Diana wasn’t sure what to say to her sister anymore. It was easier when they were younger, and Diana could just ramble about whatever she’d learned in Charms and how It connected to something she'd read in a random book that morning. Now they were older. But she was brought out of her obsessive thoughts by Penleope’s question. Diana blinked at her, speechless, mainly because a lump had formed in her throat. Unable to speak, she gave her sister a small smile and nodded instead—uncrossing her arms to let her get close.

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[penelope raisa bainbridge]

September 2023

Diana remained quieter than she had been, enough that Penelope would have questioned if her sister had heard her, had she not been completely sure that she had. She blinked at her, as if processing the question initially, and then nodded her head to signal that she could hug her. Penelope knew that Diana wasn't as much of one for hugs as she was, but it wasn't a difficult question to begin with. It was just a simple yes or no—and Diana had thankfully indicated that it was okay.

"…Thanks," Penelope replied to Diana's nod, her voice gentle but threatening to break as she watched Diana uncross her arms. It would be easier to hug her that way; she knew it would be, and the corners of her mouth turned upwards a little bit as she wrapped her arms around her older sister.

She hugged Diana firmly—but not too tightly—and held her like that for a few long seconds before letting go again. It was nothing out of the ordinary for Penelope; she was someone who enjoyed physical touch, but it was different that it was Diana whom she was getting the chance to hug. "I love you," she reminded her, even if Diana thought that she was too cool for the rest of her siblings most of the time. "And I-I'm really sorry for not saying it enough," she added more quietly. Penelope wanted to mention that that was because she never quite knew how Diana was going to respond to her, but she kept herself from saying that out loud. She knew just how rare it was that she and Diana had had anything close to a real conversation, and she didn't want to mess it up.

diana eoina bainbridge

[diana eoina bainbridge]

blue masquerade

strangers look on

September 2023
penelope raisa bainbridge

Seven children and six siblings. It was a lot to deal with at times, but honestly, Diana wouldn’t have asked for anything different. She had her twin, her best friend through thick and thin, and her younger sisters and older brother. There was really never a dull moment in the Bainbridge household. But these past months had been the loneliest that Diana had felt, and the most she lingered on that thought, the more she realized how painful it was. Penelope moved in closer and hugged her, not too hard but with intention.

It was hard to be distant and pull away, but she needed to protect them. Still, a hug both added and calmed Diana’s anxiety in a way. ”I love you too.” Diana responded softly. The lump was back in her throat, and there was this heavy pain in her chest. She knew that pulling away and distancing herself would hurt her family. Still, it was different seeing the result in person rather than just imagining it in her own mind. Moments like this, she often just felt angry, and then when that faded, just extremely sad. Elaine had taken so much from her without even trying. Like some nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. Diana hugged her sister in return but hesitantly pulled away.

Among the turmoil in her mind, her hair had darkened more than anything else, and honestly, if she could have explained everything at that moment—she would have. ”Pen..I—um.” But the Vow ensured her silence. Though the noise of footsteps up the stone steps caught her attention. ”I should go. I have to finish an assignment for Potions.” Diana lied. She just needed to distance herself before she burst into tears or became overwhelmed with her own anxiety. She managed a small smile again, though probably a pained one. ”I’ll see you around Pen.”

[ end diana ]

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[penelope raisa bainbridge]

September 2023

Trying her hardest not to cry when Diana said that she loved her proved that trying her hardest hadn't been enough for Penelope in that moment, and she blinked a little bit so that Diana wouldn't see that her eyes had begun to water. Diana spoke first, though there was an urgency in how she spoke—even more so when the sound of footsteps coming up the staircase became audible.

"I should go," Diana told her quickly. "I have to finish an assignment for Potions."

Penelope, while disappointed that her sister had to leave her, knew that it would have had to happen regardless because of her impending Astronomy class. She didn't think that their professor would be too thrilled to have Diana there as a distraction to her, Peyton, and Persephone, so it was probably better off that Diana went ahead and left. Diana, though, smiled a small smile and said that she would see her around.

"Okay," Penelope answered, her voice breaking. "See you."

diana eoina bainbridge
Fin!