all over you | raphael

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

Hogsmeade weekend. Somehow the past couple of weeks had flown by, though Addy had kept her head down and focused on her school work. Though she’d had a small victory of slowly talking her parents into the idea of a Ministry career that wasn’t Law Enforcement related. So, she felt good about that. She walked into the Three Broomsticks, with a few minutes to spare, and picked a table that had been vacated by some younger Hufflepuff students. Addy sat down so it wouldn’t be lost, pulling out her wand to clean up the mess left behind. She had agreed to meet Cheese here, partly to avoid Brígh and her non-stop pestering about New Year’s Eve events and because deep down, she just missed him. Addy had noticed the feeling in her chest, the hesitation when she wanted to speak or say anything in a conversation, and the flip her stomach did when she thought she smelled his cologne. But, she’d shoved it down and pushed forward. She had more important things to focus on after all.

She had run into Cheese the day after she’d been assaulted by a textbook because Brígh had gotten frustrated with her. Over the usual topic, of course. But Addy hadn’t acted any differently than if they had been arguing about literally anything else. Brígh had a big heart, and she meant well, but she had been riding the both of them non-stop since term started. They’d decided to “hide” from her for the day and in a way that she would never find them—together and at the obvious student hangout spot during a village weekend visit, The Three Broomsticks. It was almost genius, and Addy could hold her head high on knowing she had suggested it. She adjusted her green scarf that had shifted during her walk, evening out the ends so they were even as she sat up straight in her chair, waiting for him so she could grab a butterbeer, her favorite, without losing the table. Her gaze moved to a table of rowdy Gryffindor boys momentarily, though she spotted the tall boy when she looked back as she absentmindedly placed a hand on her other arm where there was still a bruise from the other day. 

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

17 January 2026

Rafe was so late – why did he always have to run late to things? It was a terrible habit, but he was easily distracted and always ended up losing track of time. The usual reason for it could nearly always be found hanging around his neck, but for once Rafe hadn’t been absorbed in his photography. No, he’d been struggling to finish labeling a diagram for Herbology, and had needed to start over three or four times. But at least this time he was going to be late because he’d been studying, and for that he was sure Addy couldn’t be mad about it. Schoolwork had never been the most important thing to Raphael, who preferred to focus on his activities for Art Club, but even he couldn’t ignore the increasing pressure of their last semester at school. Their NEWTs were uncomfortably soon, and everyone from the teachers to the worst students was beginning to show signs of stress about it.

For most students, their stress levels began to decrease as they began the walk from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade. Why wouldn’t they, after all, when Hogsmeade promised everything from sweets to Butterbeer and, most importantly, a break from studying? But for Rafe, the opposite phenomenon began to occur and he felt his heart begin to pound and palms begin to sweat as he approached the Three Broomsticks. The reason for it was probably already inside, perfectly punctual and sipping on her favorite drink. Addy had been so proud when she’d suggested to him that the best plan to avoid Brígh constantly bringing up uncomfortable subjects was to hide from her in a public place. Rafe had doubts that ‘let’s avoid our best friend who’s actually making some very reasonable points’ was the right idea, but really…he’d never say no to spending more time with Addy alone. In fact, the truly sad fact was that he probably couldn’t ever say no to Addy, period. He’d accepted a long time ago that he was hopelessly gone, and that the only thing he could really do was accept that this crush existed and wasn’t going away anytime soon. But even after everything that had happened since the summer, Addy insisted they could still be friends and nothing really needed to change. It was a depressing thought, but Raphael would do anything to keep Addy in his life – including making wildly untrue claims at their New Year’s hangout and doing everything he could to keep the dynamic ‘normal’…whatever that meant. But the Three Broomsticks had been a frequent hangout spot of theirs since third year, so if there was any good place to try and be just friends, then this was definitely it.

Naturally, Rafe made a beeline right for the bar so he could order two Butterbeers, and he slouched against the counter as he waited. He hadn’t spotted Addy yet, but come on – he knew his best friend, and she would never say no to another Butterbeer even if she’d ordered already. His eyes started to wander around the crowded room, although a voice quickly pulled him back. “Hey, aren’t you the Seeker for Hufflepuff?” He looked down to notice a girl in Slytherin green smiling up at him, although she couldn’t have been a seventh year because he didn’t recognize her – and yeah, even if his attention was mostly focused on one Slytherin, he still knew everybody in his year. “What? Oh yeah, that’s me.” He couldn’t imagine why this conversation was happening now, but he shot her what he hoped was a friendly smile as he fiddled absentmindedly with his camera strap. His silent question was answered a moment later as her smile turned sharp and her eyes began to drag down his body. “That’s shocking, you don’t have the build for it. Why aren’t you playing Keeper?” It wasn’t quite the right thing to say to a McLaggen not following that family tradition, but even so Rafe couldn’t help himself as he flushed bright red at the unfamiliar attention. “Erm, well, there are loads of important qualities for Seekers besides that,” he stammered out, laughing a little nervously as he broke eye contact. He was saved by the arrival of his two Butterbeers and Raphael grabbed them quickly and gratefully.

“I should probably go, don’t want to keep my friend waiting,” Rafe mumbled, shoulders practically up by his ears as he all but fled the scene. He could hear the girl laughing behind him as he began to inch past people until he finally made eye contact with a familiar blonde sitting alone at a table. He finally squeezed past a table of Gryffindors before he sat down across from Addy, although his face still felt flushed. “This is a ‘I’m really sorry for being late but Herbology sucks and I hate it’ Butterbeer,” he said, sliding one drink over to her with a sheepish smile on his face.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

Addy felt what amounted to butterflies when she saw Cheese at the bar. He was so tall now it was hard not to see him, especially when his house colors were a bright yellow. She could’ve smiled, at least she almost did, until she noticed that a housemate of hers was not only talking to Cheese but smiling and inspecting him as if he were some interesting artifact. Even from across the room, she could see the blush on his face. Addy’s gaze lingered a second as she tried to label and recognize what she was feeling at that moment, it was a unique mix of irritation and discomfort, and she looked away and crossed her arms while she waited. Cheese appeared not long after, carrying two butterbeers (her favorite) while she pretended to be distracted by another loud group of students nearby and in her view.

She waited a quick moment before looking at him to acknowledge his presence and the small gift he brought. His face was still red, and Addy knew him quite well enough to know that it didn’t take much to get him to blush. That thought in itself almost made her blush as she thought about the previous year and how the nature of their friendship had changed. Addy just wanted it all to be normal like it was before. None of this awkward, none of the discomfort she still felt lingering just now, and none of this non-stop thinking. Just as she always did, she pushed it all down and masked it. Addy smiled at him and pulled the large mug toward her, but careful not to spill. ”Did you finish the diagram?” She fully expected her friends' usual questions, especially now in their final term. They were all intelligent and had their strengths, but it was part of the dynamic, after all.

She had noted that his face was still quite red, contrasting to the yellow of his scarf. ”Your face is the same color as Brigh’s hair.” She commented, taking a careful sip of her drink. She could still see the way that Slytherin girl had looked at him in her mind, but she hid behind her mug for a moment. ”I think she’s found a way to track me through some charm she learned and hasn’t told me about. Did I tell you she hit me with my Charms book in the library?” Addy was still annoyed by that incident and her friend’s good-natured but incessant insistence that there was more than met the eye when it came to her and Cheese. Plus, she’d been popping up to remind her ever since term started, which had just worn on Addy’s patience, and she was never the short-tempered one of the group.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

Okay, yes. This was something familiar, the same sort of routine they always followed during Hogsmeade trips. Rafe being predictably late? Check. Butterbeer peace offering to appease his usually-nice-but-occasionally-scary friend? Check. That had to mean the rest of their Hogsmeade visit was going to go the same way it always did too. Butterbeer, Honeyduke’s, maybe trying to get Addy into Zonko’s while she was distracted (not that it had ever worked, but there was a first time for everything). Inevitably, she’d start to fret about studying and exams, and then a new tug-of-war would begin about whether to head back now or later. Addy always won those, but Rafe could be an incredibly motivated opponent when it came to not doing homework.

Something was definitely bothering her, if the crossed arms and pointed expression looking away was anything to go by. But if it was about his being late again, that was why Raphael had come fully prepared with the largest drink size the Three Broomsticks had to offer. He gave a sheepish laugh as Addy asked about the diagram. “It’s…done,” he finally answered, the brief pause saying everything about the somewhat sloppy final product he’d left drying in the common room. It wasn’t really his best work – but then again, he rarely delivered his ‘best work’ in a classroom setting. He flashed her one of his usual easygoing smiles. “It was hard to focus. I was just really excited to see you,” he admitted, his smile turning a little softer as he looked away. It was true, and not just because they hadn’t seen each other much since their New Year’s hangout. No, Rafe just always had Addy on his mind nowadays, and by now he knew to expect the feeling of his pulse speeding up and heart beginning to pound whenever she was around. But it was a good kind of adrenaline rush, the kind that reminded him that he’d gotten lucky enough to be best friends with a really special girl and he had to do whatever he could to not mess it up. It was that same history that gave him the superpower of knowing when Addy was upset, even if he had proved absolutely rubbish at figuring out whatever had caused it. Still, there were sirens flashing through his head practically screaming at him when she observed that he was apparently still very red. “It could be a fever. Maybe you should check,” he suggested, grinning at her as he also began to sip at his Butterbeer. She’d probably raise an eyebrow at him, maybe shoot back some witty little comment she’d come up with off the top of her head. She was so clever like that, always thinking of the right thing to say in the moment. And it was brilliant to watch her demolish the other students in class.

He could’ve gotten lost on that train of thought, although instead Addy’s last comment had him snorting as he struggled not to inhale his Butterbeer. That definitely sounded like Brígh. “Well, you must’ve done something to deserve it,” Raphael reasoned, more to poke fun at Addy than anything else. “What'd you do, insult Albus Potter to her face or something?” Thinking about the Potters suddenly brought to mind his conversation with Yas a couple weeks ago – he’d lost track of her after her graduation, so the fact that she worked at Harry Potter’s bar was mindboggling. Rafe lit up at the reminder  – ever since the start of their seventh year, he’d felt so lost. He’d been searching for a purpose for months, and while the conversation with Yas hadn’t given him all the answers – well, he finally felt like he’d at least started on the right path to finding them. Rafe leaned forward in his chair excitedly. “Okay, but Addy, I had this amazing conversation. It gave me a lot to think about and...I just really want to get your thoughts on it too.”

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

It was the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. She really hadn’t been sure what to expect. Addy didn’t like that. It meant she couldn’t plan for all things or know what to do. While she was adaptable to most situations, things like this was not a strength. She hoped that perhaps after some initial awkwardness, they could return to a more normal flow—their usual conversation and topics that made one laugh or the usual reminder about homework. The lack of confidence in his response about his homework made Addy raise an eyebrow. Just because homework was completed didn’t mean it was correct in some cases, and she’d certainly heard that one before. She found herself looking away for a second when he admitted that he had just been looking forward to seeing her. Pushing down the slight butterflies, she got in her stomach, she cleared her throat. ”I can review your diagram if you want.” She offered. That felt normal for them.

However, when she made a comment about his red face, he easily responded. She hadn’t quite expected that. Sometimes, it was a toss-up between would he stammer through his answer or respond without missing a beat. Giving him a look, she finally uncrossed her arms and accepted the butterbeer he brought her. ”I’ll take your word for it.” She took a sip. After all, it was her favorite, so it was hard to stay upset now that she had this. But, the image of Cheese and that other girl giggling was still fresh in her mind. ”No, nothing like that. She got upset because I didn’t want to do something.” She paused a moment, wondering if she should go into more detail. ”She wanted to talk about things, not Albus, and I had homework to finish.” That was the gist of it, though she figured Cheese had gotten cornered in some way or another as well. They were both probably thankful that Brigh was in an entirely different house than either of them so they could at least run away to their respective common rooms.

The subject thankfully shifted, and she recognized his excitement in how he shifted in his chair. She looked at him curiously, he didn’t mention a subject right away and it made her only slightly nervous as it could be about anything. ”Oh? About what?” She asked, drinking more butterbeer while she waited for him to answer.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

It was hard to push for things to be normal, if only because Rafe didn’t want things to go back to how they’d always been. ‘Normal’ meant getting distracted in the middle of class, or the Great Hall, or really any situation where he could feasibly be caught staring at Addy, and then making stupid mistakes like walking into walls or spilling pumpkin juice all over himself. ‘Normal’ meant listening to Brígh and Addy gossip about boys and trying not to get jealous whenever the conversation veered away from Brígh’s obsession over Albus and into names he didn’t know – potential competitors, one might think, except that he’d never been considered a serious option before. ‘Normal’ meant just being…Cheese. Her nice, quiet, sometimes goofy friend who was decent at Quidditch. He didn’t want her to think about him that way – and he’d thought for a while that she didn’t. But the longer she went on insisting that things could be normal, the less hope Rafe had that he really was anything except a friend in her mind.

So he followed her cues, especially whenever his dangling comments failed to get the kind of response he wanted. “Yeah, thanks,” he nodded as Addy offered to review his diagram. He seized on the new topic of her and Brígh’s conversation in the library before Addy could get distracted by the thought of homework that needed to be done. It worked out because Addy was being unusually vague – unusual because she was normally quite precise in her language – and Raphael had questions about how a conversation could end in a book beating. “What didn’t you want to do? What did she want to talk about?” he pestered her with follow-up questions, before it clicked in his mind a moment later. “Oh, things things?” Rafe asked with an embarrassed laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. Brígh had also pestered him about Addy, at least until he had fessed up about his (obvious) crush. Their conversations always went circularly anyway, mostly because Brígh would inform him that he needed to tell Addy and Rafe would quickly point out that Addy had been pretty clear about her priorities. And if there was anything Rafe and Brígh both knew, it was that their best friend was incredibly stubborn and wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to.

Along those lines, Raphael could guess that Addy wouldn’t want to explain further about her mishap in the library (as much as he was dying to know what they’d talked about). He waited a few beats longer for Addy to decide how much she wanted to share before tackling her question about the conversation he’d had with Yas. Rafe chewed on his lip before finally answering. “My future, I guess,” he began haltingly, unsure how deep he wanted to get into that part of the conversation. He finally continued, slouching in his seat slightly as he thought more about it. “I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from my dad about what I’ll be doing after Hogwarts. I just…I don’t want to do what Mickey and Ella did. And it seems obvious to everyone but him.” He began to fiddle with his glass, staring into the depths of the Butterbeer without taking a drink. “So yeah, this conversation. With Yas. It was nice to…to get some support. She doesn’t have any expectations of me, she doesn’t want anything, you know? That’s been…hard to find this year.”

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

Addy had a difficult time not letting her mind circle about the same issue endlessly. But, it was part of how she operated, at least when it came to her studies. If there was a concept she couldn’t grasp, she kept at it until she did. Unfortunately, this also applied to the issue of ‘What to do about Raphael McLaggen?’ The problem was that Addy couldn’t pinpoint when that familiarity had sprouted between them, sure they were best friends and had been for nearly seven years, but the way they behaved with one another over the past year was hardly how she acted with her other best friends. When had it changed? When did Addy feel comfortable enough with Cheese to eventually sleep with him one day despite not being planned at all? The worst part was she could hardly talk to Brígh about it since she was convinced that they were meant to be together, and it would all be like one of those stories with an easy and happy ending.

Now, however, Cheese was interrogating her all the same, and Addy paused—froze for a moment as she didn’t think he would ask what it had been about, and she didn’t know how to answer for once. But then it seemed to click for him as well. ”Erm—she has this idea in her mind, and you know how she is about letting things go…” It didn’t need to be said aloud what things she was talking about. The only person that seemed to bring it up was Brígh herself, though she was sure that Dicky and Eggy knew at this point. Still, despite her mood and the obvious awkwardness about certain topics, it was nice to see him. And it was moments like this where she would look at him and his easygoing smile and the way his eyes would focus on something in the room, perhaps something that would make a good shot, and Addy wondered if Brígh was right and also would it be so bad?

She listened intently to what he was going to explain, the future was something they had all talked about, but Addy talked to Brígh far more often about it than her other friends. Their individual ambitions gave them a lot of options. Cheese’s body language shifted, Addy noticed these things from him often, and when he brought up his father, Addy gave a slightly sympathetic look. They were both the youngest children in families with high expectations, though the expectation of what differed. ”Parents can be quite oblivious…” And when they were pushing their own dreams onto their children, Addy thought as she muttered the comment. Cormac was one for Quidditch, and hence Cheese’s older siblings played, and he played on the house team, but even Addy knew it wasn’t his true passion. Rather than deal with a flying broom, he’d instead handle a camera and capture his unique view of the world. Cheese fidgeted, and Addy wanted to reach out and grab his hand in reassurance but then stopped herself before moving. ”Yas?”

It wasn’t a name Addy was familiar with, and she felt a wave of something pass over her, much as it had when she saw him at the bar with that giggling girl. As if to stall for a moment as she gathered her thoughts that seemed to suddenly fly all over the place, she took another sip of her butterbeer. Her instinct was to remind him that he had friends, he had her to be there for him, but then she remembered how much she had avoided him outside of pestering him to do his homework in classes they shared. ”What did she say?” Addy asked, pushing down how bothered she felt and the annoyance because she wasn’t sure why.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

Addy’s evasive answer was enough in and of itself to confirm – yeah, she didn’t want to talk about it. Part of the art of learning how to talk to Addy over the years was understanding that she was an immovable force when it came to her opinion. That was probably why Brígh liked to tease about how hard it was to move Mt Addy. It was also probably the reason why Addy did so well in classes, since she wasn’t deterred by the pressure and she couldn’t be swayed when it came to her study schedule. Rafe admired that, he really did, especially because it was definitely not a skill he had. Still, it could be frustrating when it came to pulling information out of Addy, or even worse trying to get her to do something she didn’t want to do. Brígh would keep pushing until one of them finally bent, but Raphael usually gave up early.

Anyway, as interesting as it would have been to hear the story of Brígh beating Addy with a textbook, it wasn’t enough of a priority to push. The problem of bleary-eyed Quidditch practices before the sun had even risen might become one if the trend continued – Slytherin had been relentless about booking the Pitch since Addy had finally gotten her hands on that Captain badge, but it had only been a few weeks since start of term. Hopefully…it wouldn’t become a problem, because nobody on the Hufflepuff team had the spine to do something about it. The topic weighed heavy on his mind, not because Rafe was starting to hate waking up before dawn, but because Quidditch had suddenly become an incredibly sensitive subject overnight. His and Addy’s pattern of falling into old habits at extra practices, his dad’s sudden realization that he had a second son and the subsequent insistence to go pro…frowns were unusual for Rafe, but he found one pulling at his lips now as Addy commented that parents could be oblivious. “I don’t know if it’s that he doesn’t realize I don’t want to, or he just doesn’t care,” he admitted, feeling his heart sink at the truth of the words. Cormac had a strong personality and even stronger views – and it didn’t help that Mickey seemed to have inherited that naturally. He had the same voice-raising broom-snapping temper when it came to Quidditch, and neither Ella nor Rafe had pushed back on it growing up. Ella had finally broken out of the family tradition, but in some ways that put more pressure on him to simply comply.

He had gotten lost in his thoughts for a moment, and was broken out of his deep reverie by Addy’s confused repetition of Yas’s name. Rafe found himself fidgeting with his camera, avoiding eye contact with Addy out of embarrassment for admitting he was getting bullied by his own dad. He turned the camera on and began to fiddle with some of the settings, focusing on his pitcher of Butterbeer. There was something off about Addy’s tone, but by this point Rafe was deeply focused on his camera and didn’t look up. By the time he’d snapped a few photos and set his camera back down, whatever was bothering her seemed to have passed. Still, she had furrowed brows and was sipping at her Butterbeer, a sure sign that she was turning something over in her head she didn’t want to share. And really, didn’t Rafe know better by now than to try?

So instead he shrugged slightly as she asked about what Yas had said. “Does it matter?” he asked hesitantly, finally picking up his own Butterbeer again. “I think…what she had to say was less important than that she was willing to listen. A lot of people have things to say, you know? But it’s hard to find someone who just wants to be there for you.” Raphael sighed slightly at the thought. It was a conversation that popped up in the Hufflepuff common room whenever someone needed to vent about getting steamrolled by another House. The younger students especially struggled with the idea that Hufflepuff had developed a reputation for being easy to take advantage of, if only because they didn’t like to do the same thing to other people. Raphael fidgeted again at the thought of saying everything on his mind. That he’d needed desperately to speak to Yas because he felt like he couldn’t talk to his best friends anymore – with Addy avoiding him and Brígh focused so deeply on what had happened between them. Rafe didn’t want to accuse her of anything, but this new arrangement was weighing heavily on him… “Addy, I just…” he trailed off, unsure how to continue. “It's hard to talk about this stuff with you, because...I feel like you don’t even want to be around me anymore,” he admitted, shoulders drooping. “Are we here because you wanted to hang out, or because you wanted to prove to Brígh that we still could?”

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

He didn’t push at the subject of Brígh and what they had discussed in the library, and she was grateful. Though he supposed he knew what she was getting at. There was no doubt in her mind that Brígh had chased down Cheese in some attempt to get answers out of him, which was an easier task than talking to Addy about it. But now, she was more interested in this external shift to her longtime friend. Usually, he was relaxed, smiling, or with a far-off look in his eyes but not today. Something weighed on his shoulders, and Addy was surprised how much that bothered her as well. His words, however, resonated with her—that family pressure to be something even if it wasn’t the path that was meant for them. Both Cheese and Addy had watched what their older siblings had gone through while their parents lived vicariously through them.

”I know what that feels like Cheese—that family pressure. I’m sorry your father is pushing you like that…” The main difference between them was Addy had grown accustomed to this pressure from a young age while it had always seemed like Cormac hardly took a second glance at his youngest until now. But even with the next subject, she didn’t receive an answer right away. He opted to snap pictures with his camera again, but Addy didn’t push. Had it been any other time she might have, it was as if their entire relationship was in such a delicate place. Cheese’s answer was not what she expected, and she put her butterbeer down to listen to him. Sometimes it was like she and Brígh forgot that Cheese and Eggy were Raphael and Penelope, and they had loud voices. But then the last part, the part where he addressed her specifically, had her attention, and it was like something had hit her square in the chest.

The way his shoulders drooped and the emotion in his eyes—Addy hadn’t realized the actual effect she was having on him because she was stuck in her own head. For a moment, she kept looking at him, but she looked away while she considered his question. But she wondered if both couldn’t be true. ”I—“ It wasn’t like Addy to be at a loss for words, but this entire situation wasn’t anything she’d ever navigated before. ”Rafe…you’re my best friend.” She finally spoke, looking at him, opting to use his given name rather than the silly nickname they used. ”I know it’s been…weird—that I’ve been weird. But I did want to see you today.” She paused again, unsure of how to express her feelings about their friendship and not everything. ”I miss us hanging out like before—I can’t even talk to Brígh about anything anymore because she’s stuck on us.” At this, Addy slightly shook her head in frustration. ”I’m sorry…” She wanted to ask if they could just be friends like they were in the past, before they complicated it but even Addy knew that was stupid to ask.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

Rafe gave a noncommittal shrug as Addy mentioned that she also knew what family pressure was like. That was true, at least – as long as he’d known her, Addy had struggled with the heavy responsibility of meeting all her parents’ expectations. Keeping up with her overachieving older siblings, doing absolutely everything she could to get ahead. Raphael didn’t doubt that Addy could empathize, because he had watched her accept that responsibility and carry it square on her shoulders. But that same acceptance was what kept him hovering at a distance, unable to say anything concrete to her – because Addy knew what that pressure was like, and she let it control her life. She did absolutely everything to be top of the class, become Quidditch captain, anything to get her parents’ approval. Raphael couldn’t help but suspect that was the same reason she kept a distance from him now.

And as much as he admired Addy, was in absolute awe of everything she could do – he didn’t want that to become his life too. At the mercy of his dad’s whims, his own happiness contingent on Cormac’s approval. No, he’d never had it in the past, and he could live without it now. Raphael needed to stand up to his father – for the first time in his life – but he just had no idea how. He wasn’t sure Mickey and Ella would have the answers either, but he was reaching out to them for support now. In a way, there was nobody else in the world who would understand more than them, even if they were in wildly different situations. But he didn’t want to say that to Addy, because what would he say? I know you know, Addy. You let it dominate your life. You let it get in the way of being happy. Couldn’t I make you happy? He didn’t have the guts to say that to her.

As Raphael finally shared some of his thoughts with Addy, he hated the look he saw in her eyes – the look he was responsible for putting there. She looked upset at the thought of their new distance, and he kept his eyes on her even as she looked away. The sound of his real name on her lips sounded odd, almost as jarring as when Brígh had used it to scold him over New Year’s. It was an unusual occurrence, and it communicated the gravity of the situation. Rafe felt his heart squeeze at the tone of her voice, and at the verbal assurance that she missed seeing him too. In that moment, it was like Raphael was playing almost seven years of friendship over in his mind. Their first time meeting in first year, and the photo they had taken to commemorate the occasion of becoming best friends. Choosing electives carefully in third year (well, at least Addy had taken it seriously), bothering Brígh to sit still for just 5 minutes so he could practice sketching people, him and Addy joining their House teams at the same time and promising to help each other practice.

“Don’t say sorry,” he hurried to say in a rush, not even thinking as he reached over to grab Addy’s hand. He would never have dared a few weeks ago, but once they had been able to touch each other casually without overthinking it. “I miss you too. It’s been so lonely. I even miss when you insist I quiz you and then snap at me for not reading the flashcards fast enough.” He shot her a small smile at the last part. “I…I need you, Addy. I need my best friend.” Those first three words sounded so differently spoken in the middle of a crowded pub in Hogsmeade, as opposed to frantic whispers in the changing rooms after an extra Quidditch practice. But as different as they echoed here now, in the empty space between them, they were still true and Rafe shot Addy a pleading look. Even with everything that had happened, and everything Raphael still wished would happen, couldn’t they find some new normal? A way to keep their years-long friendship together before they lost it completely?

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

The family pressure had always been a constant and unyielding force, but if this last Christmas had shown her anything, it wasn’t always a good thing. But habits were hard to break, and the conditioning of it all and Addy still struggled to decide what she wanted to do exactly. This was a conversation she could and usually would have with her friends, but even as Cheese pointed out, they had all gotten distracted by other things—feelings, sex, quidditch. Literally everything, but now as his words had knocked her out of that haze she hadn’t seen develop, she knew they had to do something. Seven years was a long time to throw away due to pride, but even admitting it didn’t make it easier to admit she had been somewhat wrong. As she retreated back into her thoughts, she was brought back again when she felt his hand on her own. They were larger than her own, much larger though perfect for a Seeker, and she ignored the small butterflies that suddenly appeared in her stomach.

Addy chuckled at his example. The things that she knew annoyed them, but they participated nonetheless—the simplicity of life when it was just worrying about the House cup and homework. There was a demand, a pleading, but it wasn’t about anything outside of the norm. ”Well Brigh is terrible with flashcards, so I’ll need your help if I’m to get any NEWTs.” She spoke in a more confident tone, the one she normally used, and she smiled softly at him. There was a loneliness that came with a void left by a missing close friend. She had felt that as well. Addy turned her hand so she could give his a reassuring squeeze. ”I need my best friend too.” It likely wouldn’t be easy but Addy wasn’t a stranger to hard work. She wanted normalcy even if it wasn’t exactly like before, and they could do it, right? Their friendship was worth it.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

There was a comfortable familiarity to their banter as Rafe joked about flashcards and Addy shot a witty comment right back. Lately they had been so caught up in their own heads about forcing the situation to be normal that they had actually forgotten how to do it. Every situation had crackled with awkwardness, or maybe tension, or even a little chemistry if they sometimes got flirty with each other while they were alone. In a sense, it wasn’t hard to see why they had fallen into the same pattern the whole year, because they were absolutely terrible at playing it cool. At least Rafe was. He’d had absolutely no experience or practice with any of it until Addy, and he wasn’t exactly cool as a cucumber in any normal situation either. He was the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and while that had some advantages – nobody ever doubted how genuine he was – it had its drawbacks too. Mostly the kicked puppy look he wore whenever it became clear Addy was trying to avoid him.

So he was eager to keep the conversation flowing. “I’ll tell her you said that,” he threatened in a mock serious tone, trying and failing to keep a smile off his face while he did so. “Then she’ll attack you with a whole library next time. Ideally while I’m there.” He patted the camera hanging around his neck fondly, unable to keep the grin off his face. Sure, he didn’t like to break the rules, even if he accidentally did so all the time in the name of photography. But the cornerstone of his and Brígh’s friendship had become the fact that they somehow got into slightly-forbidden situations all the time. All for fun, of course, and photography. Addy was usually a good restraining influence on them both, but when she wasn’t around their little adventures usually ended with staying too late in Hogsmeade or wandering into the Forbidden Forest.

Rafe softened at her last words, because they showed that she was in the same headspace he was. Well, probably not the exact same – he didn’t see much indication from her that she wanted anything more than to just be his friend. But for now, that was exactly what he wanted too. In the end, nothing was more important than their friendship and he was desperate to find a way to save it. And hopefully Brígh’s return would be the solution to the problem. After all, this whole fiasco had only started after she’d left and Addy and Rafe had gone looking for the new dynamic of their friendship. Now that she was back, he reasoned, they could find a way to go back too. So in that spirit, he finished off the last dregs of his Butterbeer and held up the empty glass. “I think it says somewhere in the best friend contract that friends buy each other drinks, and I got the last round, so…” He shot her a mischievous look.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

in my daydreams, in my sleep

infatuation turning into disease

January 17, 2026
Raphael Caelan McLaggen

The benefit of being the youngest Slater Addy rwas being able to observe. She’d watched Claire and Grey walk down a path their parents set out for them and in their own unique way. But, Grey had never liked that path while their sister walked it dutifully. Addy walked that path as well, but she had a better sense of composure than her siblings, and that was something she had learned by watching. However, that sense of composure only translated well to specific situations, and this entire thing with Raphael McLaggen was not one of those situations. Trying to find a new normal made sense. One where she could have her best friend back, and despite how their relationship had evolved, Addy could admit internally that she hated having that void in her life that he left behind when he wasn’t around.

Addy rolled her eyes. She was sure Brigh would be just happy that Addy had been able to sit down with Cheese and have a conversation—an honest one. ”I don’t think that implies that you would be safe from an attack either.” Brigh was frustrated with both of them, and she hadn’t hidden that fact. Addy drank more butterbeer. It never seemed to last despite the large mug it arrived in. Setting her mug back on the table, she looked back at her best friend. She’d missed him. Truly. And simply in the sense of his company, his laugh, his smile, their talks. Addy missed badgering him to do his homework or talk about Quidditch. Even without all those extra activities they had discovered, she missed him.

”Yes. Well, that same contract has something about violence toward the other…you might need to give Brigh a refresher.” While it wasn’t that the book had left Addy with some large wound, it was just the fact that she’d been attacked. And it wasn’t something she’d stop bringing up if she could help it to get revenge on Brigh in some way. Addy stood from her seat to go to the bar, still pondering the idea of revenge.

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[Raphael Caelan McLaggen]

“Of course it does,” Rafe responded quickly to Addy’s claim that he wasn’t safe from Brígh’s attacks either. “Everyone knows I’m her favorite,” he said smugly, shooting a smile at Addy afterwards to show he was kidding. Although they’d all been best friends since first year, there was an undeniably different dynamic between each of the pairings in the group. Rafe and Brígh had a penchant for getting into trouble together, while he and Addy had always bonded and argued over Quidditch long before their dynamic change. But the two girls had a special relationship, and they confided in each other first before bringing him into those secrets. Probably for the best – Rafe had never hidden his utter disinterest in girl talk, and he didn’t have the same impulse to discuss classes or NEWTs the way they seemed to. But he could still tease Addy about it, because she was – above everything else – extremely competitive, and a little prone to holding grudges sometimes.

That last fact was in clear display as Addy grumbled again about Brígh’s show of violence in the library. Raphael couldn’t help but think it had probably been justified, but didn’t weigh in since he didn’t know the specifics. And also didn’t want to be on the wrong end of Addy’s competitive streak. So instead he offered, “She just does that because she loves you. It’s a compliment, really.” There was no way that claim wasn’t going to get a quick and clever response from Addy, so he continued quickly, “Besides, there’s no point in holding a grudge against a bludger. And that’s just what Brígh is, right?” He couldn’t help the grin as he spoke. If Rafe had been any wiser, he would have hidden it behind his butterbeer, but as it was – he was all out.

He considered Addy thoughtfully as she stood to get the next round, a classic Slytherin look on her face. He quickly raised his camera and snapped a couple shots of her retreating back as she blended into the thick crowd of Hogwarts students enjoying their day off. He couldn’t help if she was extremely photogenic and, in his opinion, couldn’t be the subject of a bad shot. But then again, he might be biased. He quickly let his camera drop to hang by its strap before she returned and saw what he’d been doing, and instead stared into the fire. He wasn’t a Seer, so there was no way to know how all this was going to turn out. Whether they’d be able to successfully bring their friendship back to something normal, or whether that was doomed to fail too. But he was hopeful, because that was what Hufflepuffs did best, after all! And until all that played out, he could just enjoy this Hogsmeade trip for what it was.

addilyn elara slater
[End post Cheese!]