peer pressure II | nessa

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

first week of term, 2025

ON THE OUTCROP OF STONES BY THE LAKE'S banks it was surprisingly peaceful. Nate stood quietly for a moment, rocking back on his heels as he chewed on his biscuit and watched the whirlpools ripple the silvery moonlight. Somewhere just beyond his peripheral vision Nessa was standing. She hadn't run when he'd asked, nor had she been pleased to follow him. But, she had followed him, which he considered to be progress if nothing less.

Nate's relationship with Nessa was tumultuous at best. They were the closest thing to family that Nate could fathom. He had no parents and neither did she. She had money, and neither did he. But, it wasn't a companionship without difficulties. Nessa was too level-headed and cold, Nate was too selfish and cruel. He couldn't afford to lose her, though. Not in his seventh year. Though he knew she would likely cope very well without him, he couldn't say the same for himself. Though this was not something Nate would readily admit.

"Don't be a frigid little bitch." He spat over his shoulder, glaring at her even though she had done him a favour. She was teasing him and Nate hated to feel teased. Of course, that was likely why she was doing it. He sighed quickly, knowing his retort would likely resort in her hasty retreat. "Look, I wasn't going to kiss your arse in a common room full of vile little first years." He told her, bending his head down as he turned to face her. Walking far too close to her in the meagre slice of space as the water lapped close to the hem of their robes.

"It's quiet down here, and you can't run to the girls dormitories, can you?" He smirked, crossing his arms as if he had done something incredibly clever. "You're not speaking to me." He clarified, though she was speaking to him in the literal sense. It was jilted. He'd gotten drunk in their wooded hideout alone the last weekend before term had started. His breath misting out in front of him, lonely in front of a fire that died without her constant prodding. She was punishing him for abandoning her over the summer. Claudia was oppressively clingy sometimes and Nate was just desperate enough to encourage it. "Why?" He asked, while knowing.

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[nessa abigael byrne]

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Merlin’s scraggly beard, she was going to have to actually spell it all out for him, wasn’t she? The density of his overblown ego was something she could normally deal with, but lately it had reached the tipping point. She didn’t even know if she wanted him to apologize for anything at this point. It was starting to seem easier to simply roll over and continue like usual. Like they always did. While she liked to think they understood each other better than most, there were times where she really didn’t get what was going through his head, and if she were being honest, he really didn’t know what was going on in hers. He just liked the idea that he had her thought process pegged.

In actuality, she would have preferred him kowtowing in the middle of the common room. He deserved that embarrassment. It didn’t matter if it was for what had been bothering her, but would probably get her to forget all about it then and there. That would have never happened though, as it would have tarnished the whole image he had been working on over the years. Probably even lose him all his points with the Slytherin girls he was currently shagging his way through. She knew about the Lulu Blishwick thing, and really didn’t know how that was going to turn out in the dorm if it was ever brought up.

He got painfully close to her, which only happened when she felt like he thought he had the advantage. Dragging her all the way out here was good enough, but backing away from him now would only fuel him even more. “Sure I am,” she responded with her own crossed arms, staring up at him. She hated the height advantage he had had on her since they were little. It didn’t help her case one bit. And then he asked why, and she averted his gaze momentarily as she tried to think about whether it was even worth it to go there. Lying was so much easier and it would get him off of her back until she cooled off in a day or two. “Just getting used to not having to listen to your gross stories about your conquests next year.”

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 379 ● Tess-Timony by Ice Nine Kills

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

first week of term, 2025

THEY STOOD TOE-TO-TOE. FACING OFF AGAINST one and other, just like always. Nessa too stubborn to stand down, despite her obviously height disadvantage. Nate trying to psych her out anyway. He thought he had her pinned, but he should have known she wouldn't fold. This wasn't his usual fodder. He'd never quite mastered the art of bullying his shadow. Of course, things had changed, suddenly he was shadowing her. It was humiliating, but he couldn't bear not to.

Sniffing, he tilted his head to one side to laugh harshly. It was easy bait to latch on to Nate's 'extracurricular activities'. "That right..?" He drawled, nodding his head slowly, as if he were considering this insult. Fact of the matter was, Nate rarely spoke about what he did in his 'own time'. Unless she asked, unless it was worth mentioning. She was trying to goad him in to backing down first. This was only round one, though. They still had a good few to go before a full smackdown.

"Well..." Nate turned his face back, hunching forward and turning his cheek as if to whisper in Nessa's ear. "Then you definitely don't want to hear about what I got up to in that empty train compartment earlier, hm?" He pulled away just to catch her eye, smirking at her coldly as he uncrossed his arm to flick her nose all at once. "Don't fucking lie to me." He warned her, pulling back, but refusing to step back unless she outright shoved him. Even then, that would just be her admitting defeat in his eyes.

Nate didn't like the thought that she had simply tired of him. His fragile ego, the desperate dependence he'd developed for her company. Everything he ever thought of for his future included Nessa. Graduate from Hogwarts, get a good job, get a nice big flat. Make sure there was a room for Nessa. Get Nessa out of the orphanage, smuggle her if he had to. All ploys formed around a firepit, with cheap liquor and stolen goods making it all seem entirely plausible. If she'd suddenly changed her mind, well that rippled like acid in Nate's gut. He seethed. 

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[nessa abigael byrne]

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Her poker face was ineffective against him. It had never been up to snuff in general so she typically exchanged it for violent words and personal attacks. Nate, in her opinion, was the king of those and that meant she could never fully fool the master. Lying as easily as he breathed was quite the thing to overcome, and she often wondered if it was actually worth pursuing. There were times where selling a lie to get what she needed was easier than putting forth the effort. At the same time, she occasionally felt like she cheated herself out of experiences because of it. Having a rush of endorphins because she lied to a professor or a fellow student was such a fleeting moment that she didn’t know how much worth it had anymore. She almost looked forward to not having to put on the performance for her final year at Hogwarts. And then she could simply lie to Nate after it was all said and done and he probably wouldn’t second guess her at all.

But right now? She almost buckled the second he questioned her reasoning. Mostly because it was a shitty excuse and didn’t really make much sense when it came to the silent treatment she had been putting on as of late. Secondly, because her original reason wasn’t that great in the first place either. All of it was so stupid and made up because she wanted the attention but also didn’t at the same time. “Of course I fucking don’t,” she said incredulously, managing to dodge his attempted flick at her face by a hair. “And I don’t want those hands of yours anywhere near me now that I know you spent the whole train ride playing with yourself,” Nessa added quickly. He was on to her though, and that never bode well for when she was trying to keep to herself.

Sizing him up and knowing that he was probably going to try and grab at her now that she voiced her repulsion towards his conquests (or lack of because she didn’t honestly believe him about the compartment frolic), Nessa let her shoulders relax and backed away from him. “Fine. I’m still pissed about the train ride home. So back the fuck off.” She knew that he probably didn’t even remember what happened back then. Being honest about it was all she felt like she could do at this point.

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 406 ● Elvenking's Halls by Invadable Harmony

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

first week of term, 2025

SOMETIMES NATE'S PERSISTENCE PAID OFF. Other times, it blew up in his face. And then there were the few instances where his persistence did neither - this often happened with Nessa. Her quick reflexes evading his touch as her face screwed up in unflattering disgust, lifting his hackles and heightening his stubbornness. "Never bothered you before," He retorted, but he kept his hands off her. Lifting them both up, palms facing outward in a defiant display of snide compliance.

There was something especially bothersome about Nessa's revulsion. Nate didn't like when it was directed at him, he much preferred when they mirrored it at others together. This was why the silent treatment wasn't working for him, he didn't like being on her bad side. Though he could weather it if she'd only talk to him. It was pitiful, his reliance on her good favour.

"The- what?" He reared back in surprise at her sudden admittance. Face screwed up as he dropped his hands dramatically and stared at her. "That was months ago, what is your problem?!" He snapped with a harsh laugh, this had not been the lie he'd expected. It had shocked him so much that he forgot that that's what it was. Nate knew Nessa well enough to ask questions twice, even when answered. She always lied first. They always lied first.

"Shut up," He scoffed in the aftermath. Turning away to pick up a pebble from the ground and launch it in to the water. "We spent weeks at that fucking Blishwick disaster zone- which, by the way, was your idea." He ranted viciously. "Just because I decided to fucking enjoy it without you, doesn't mean you get to treat me like I don't exist." This he said right to her face, the water still rippling from the stone he'd failed to skim. "I fucking hate you sometimes." He hissed passionately, his nostrils flaring, the whites of his eyes glowing in the low light. 

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[nessa abigael byrne]

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She recoiled from the obsceneness that she perceived his hands to currently be coated in. Obviously he had washed them since he had done whatever he was implying. Nate wasn’t a gross pig, just a regular pig. And sometimes she wondered if he had a pig’s brain in that thick skull of his, because there was quite a lot that bounced right off when he didn’t understand. Like why she was still upset about the train ride home. His questioning of it only now made sense, mainly because she hadn’t instituted the silent treatment until they had gotten on to leave today, but he still hadn’t apologized for his boorish behavior or grabbing her face. It had all come flooding back the second she stepped on the train again, and she realized that she wasn’t happy with the outcome of it. Which was nothing, because Nate didn’t have any idea what accountability was. If there was anyone in this damned, unfair world that he needed to be apologetic with at least once in his life, it had to be with her. That was going to be her stipulation.

“I want an apology,” she stated grumpily, though knowing Nate he still had no clue what the fuck she was talking about. “For when you grabbed my face on the train when we were going home. I didn’t like when you did that and I don’t want you doing it ever again.” Going from having one person to no one couldn’t be that bad, right? She had never thought about actively cutting him completely from her life because she knew that he would always come crawling back. And if he didn’t, she would. That was the part that she hated the most about all of this. No accountability and they were codependent on each other because of how the orphanage failed at getting them the support system and attention they both desperately craved. Instead they got it from one another, and it was so unbelievably toxic but necessary to keep going. This time she wanted a resolution though, because there were some things that were inexcusable.

Nessa realized that maybe today hadn’t been the best day to act like a child. She had tipped him over the limit finally. When she had thought to herself only moments earlier that she could handle things on her own and without him, it hadn’t clicked fully that it was impossible still. Hearing him say that he hated her sometimes, which was a phrase and word that they probably flung a lot without realizing or meaning it, made her pause. “O-Okay,” she swallowed hard as her voice cracked slightly. She didn’t care if he attacked that moment of weakness. That would just seal the deal that he had meant what he said. “I just want to be treated like a person. Not like an object. That’s all.” And she wanted to matter, because no one had ever actually said that to her before. She doubted Nate was capable of such a thing though, especially now.

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 509 ● Bedroom Ghost by Flower Face

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

first week of term, 2025

NATE COULD NOT STAND THE WAY THE WORD 'apology' fell from Nessa's lips. Like it was something she knew he wouldn't give her. Nate was very bad at 'sorry'. In fact, he had made a point all of his life to never be sorry for anything. Never sorry for stealing, or being cruel, or stepping on others to get exactly where he wanted. He hated being sorry, because that meant that he'd done something fundamentally wrong, and Nate didn't think that he had most of the time. Unfortunately, sometimes he did. And the sorry was like a rock stuck at the back of his throat.

Nessa was unyielding, her demands held above his head in such a way that made him shiver with hatred. Nate had always relied on Nessa a lot more than he wanted to. He couldn't help it, she provided a kind of comfort he could not get elsewhere. Not from Claudia, or Simon, or Lulu. No friend, nor lover could fill that void for him. Especially considering that the only person who 'got it' was Nessa. They were bonded by shared trauma, but sometimes that made them collide all the more. It also made them extra sensitive to the areas that hurt the most to poke when they did - and poke they did.

He spewed his rant at her without thinking, turning away with his face flushed bright red. His fists clenched tightly at his sides. He didn't regret it until she spoke, her voice cracking down the middle in such a way that the breath froze in his lungs. He forced himself to breath, ragged and stuttered as he shut it in his chest until it hurt, where which he let it out in an impatient gust. All of a sudden, he turned and marched back towards her. His fists unfurled and he held them open palmed in the space beside her downturned face.

Nate crouched slightly so he could look her in the eyes, His fingers shaking where he kept them just shy of touching her - as she'd asked. "I'm sorry." He said shortly, nostrils flaring. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The words ran together, vicious and intimate where he kept her eye. As difficult as it was to say, he meant it. Nate hated to think her voice cracked because of him, that he'd hurt her a little deeper than was 'allowed'. He took his hands back, but didn't straighten up, his mouth in a stern line. 

"I don't think you're an object," He told her with a sharp shake of his head. That she felt this way baffled him, made his brow crease as if he was seeing something that she was not. "You're my best friend." He told her honestly, hands falling uselessly at his sides. He wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her, but knew that he shouldn't. It was a fragile thing, this bridge between them. He had to navigate it carefully. As spiteful as Nate was, he was not stupid. "I don't wanna be in his shithole without you." He stood up then, feeling rubbed raw and vulnerable as he turned his back and looked at the river instead of her pale, shrewd face. 

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[nessa abigael byrne]

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She had heard a lot of horrible things come out of Nate’s mouth over the years, usually going along with whatever it was because she knew he didn’t mean it. Trying to discern if this most recent outburst was something that she had brought on by prodding him too much during a time when she shouldn’t have, or if it was how he actually felt about her, was impossible to do right now. The word ‘hate’ cut a lot more than it ever had before. This was apparently what leaving herself open and vulnerable got her, and from the one person who she thought wouldn’t actually take it that far. And the way he half-stormed away following his rant had her thinking, if only for a moment, that this was it. Cutting ties after all these years. She had thought that something like that maybe happening after he graduated and had a year away from her. But now? They were still going to see one another in the common room and in the halls. She occasionally joked about being all alone, but the lack of Nate would finally allow her to achieve that.

The second it took for him to turn back around and head towards her felt forever, and the apologies immediately came flooding in. Was he really sorry though? That was the hardest part about this. She had asked for a sincere apology about the previous incident and had been met with rage. Getting one now when she actually broke made it that much harder to trust him. Especially with how instantaneous the change was. The way he made himself level with her was definitely different than usual though, and she could see it in his eyes as he got closer that he was being honest for once. That it wasn’t a joke or an attempt at alleviating himself from any consequences. She knew because she often did the same thing. “We…we don’t need to do this to one another. It’s exhausting. I don’t mind bullshitting, but this was too far.”

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 343 ● Deceiver of the Gods by Amon Amarth

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

first week of term, 2025

WHERE HE WAS STOOD, HALF STOOPED AND EYE to eye with Nessa, meant he saw every shift in her expression. The distrustful little crease between her brows, the way her mouth pursed at he corners with words she did not immediately verbalise. Nate realised, blinking owlishly, that he preferred looking at her from further away. It meant he may have missed the careful resolve that she gently plastered across her delicate, fair features in the aftermath of his desperate apologises.

With a puff of air, Nate blinked rapidly, lost for words all of a sudden. He straightened quickly, giving himself a headrush as he stared over her head at the rocks and the foamy riverbank. It felt like the slow peeling of an old scab, painful in the way its hard edges clung to the sides of healed skin, only to reveal a festering wound still present underneath. Unfortunately, once the scab was ripped away, it could not be replaced easily. His hands were sweating, so he curled them into fists at his sides, let them rattle restlessly against his robed thighs.

"I don't know what that means," He admitted as his mouth formed a very thin line. Her voice was tentative, far softer than he preferred it. Absently, he realised he preferred it when she was shouting at him. Before she could explain, he spoke again. "You mean, you don't want to fight?" He pressed a fist against his chest. "Me neither!" But, somehow, he knew that had not been what she meant. "Or- or you mean... this?" He gestured between them carefully, hand unfurling to float in the space between them. Like he was crossing a rapidly growing rift. "I never know where the line is with you, Ness, you keep fucking moving it." And then he tilted his chin up towards the sky and scrubbed at his face angrily. He felt the childish urge to scream. 

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[nessa abigael byrne]

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At least she could tell he was being honest in his lack of understanding. Getting that much out of Nate meant he was listening, though how he was going to process it was always a toss-up. Before she could intervene and try to explain what she meant a little more delicately, he posed two wildly different questions of his own. The annoyed turn of her head and growing darkness of the incoming twilight surely hid the eye roll she gave him as he tried to figure out what she was getting at. Literally all he had to do was listen. It wasn’t that difficult. Taking it all the way to an extreme like not wanting to be around one another anymore (or that was how she interpreted his second question) was absolutely ridiculous. But every time she felt that he treated her less than dirt, the thought popped up. They were supposed to be in this together, he’d even said it himself only seconds ago. A break was necessary, though she hoped it would during her seventh year and not this one.

Trying not to let his accusation get to her, she instinctively flexed her jaw, holding back another blow-up from happening. “Both? It hurts when you do these sorts of things and makes me not want to be around you…” she trailed off, somewhat amazed that she finally managed to say what she felt without screaming at him. Looking at him was too difficult to do though, and instead she chose to stare at her feet. That way he couldn’t see the struggle she was going through to keep her emotions in check. Becoming vulnerable in front of him had backfired and led to the problem on the train. And then she let that stew for months without bringing it up again. Nessa let out a long, fluttering exhale as she continued, her chest and throat feeling tighter now that she was finally getting into it. “Maybe it’s my fault for not saying anything about it until now, but it fucking sucks so much sometimes…friends aren’t supposed to make you feel like that.”

Nathaniel David Forrester ● 354 ● Alchemy by Avantasia

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[Nathaniel David Forrester]

now you see me.

first week of term, 2025

THERE WAS BILE LANGUISHING AT THE BACK OF Nate's throat. Something to do with the fact that he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten. Or, maybe it was all the fucking 'honesty' that came with 'sharing'. He found no pleasure in his conversation with Nessa. It was borne of necessity only. He did not like when his things grew restless and started straying. Nessa had always been sharp, but she'd never disliked him. She could be harsh with him, maybe the only person who could be. But they were a team, they were a pair. Except now, he thought, she was intent on ruining everything.

There was a crick in Nate's neck, so he straightened sharply from his stoop. Breaking Nessa's eye contact and stretching his head back as far as it would go. Looking up at the restless, grey sky above Hogwarts. It was going to rain, he thought, before he recalled exactly what Nessa had said.

"You wanna know what's fucking hilarious?" He declared out of the blue, tongue darting out to wet his lips as his hands went limp at his sides. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He snorted, head shaking deliriously as he swayed from side to side, as if moved by the brisk Scottish wind. He made no sympathetic comment about the clear hurt on Nessa's face. He didn't even look at her again, he couldn't. Something new occurred to him slowly, almost painfully as he laughed again. A dry thing that barked once, cracking the air like thunder and burning with the bile in his throat.

Nate could feel rejection looming. If there was one thing he could not stand it was for his kindness to be refused. He had, in his own way, attempted to reach out to Nessa. It had dissolved, as it tended to in recent days, into a bitter back and forth where he found no ending that he could come out of victorious. If Nate could not win, he simply did not wish to play.

Rolling his head forward once he felt his composure slip back into place, Nate nodded once and turned on his heels. "Let's go back," He said suddenly, but his voice was not as carefree as he wished it would be. "I'm fucking starving and I'm bored." And then he crunched his way back towards the path that led back towards the castle. "Or don't!" He called over his shoulder, in his typical jeering, friendly manner. "Drown, for all I care." And that what that.

END NATE. 

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