These thoughts run deep (Sienna)

[Deleted]

It was time for a heart to heart. Gus knew that his fame impacted Sienna negatively but it wasn't possible for him to just quit the spotlight. He didn't want to either, even less so because Sienna herself had set him on this path. Despite that he knew that she couldn't have anticipated the impact that such a thing would have on her own life. His reputation didn't help, his past behavior didn't help either. He'd just been Gus, the flirty bad boy, for such a long time that it was hard to know what else he could be. He had been that since he'd lost his mother and had barely passed a single day without at least one moment of highly inappropriate flirting. While most just ignored him when they were not interested it was odd to figure out how to behave when he wasn't ... well the him he was used to being. He tried though, for Sienna's sake.

He'd woken early that day and had spent most of his morning on the piano, until he'd noticed that Phillipe had abandoned the living room floor to head towards the pool? Probably? He wriggled his nose. Phillipe had always enjoyed the guitar more than the piano so it made sense. He shook his head slightly as he closed the piano. Sienna was coming over to talk... about their future and fame and whatnot. It was bound to be a difficult conversation but he knew it was very much necessary. He groaned as he motioned over to Storm, the cook he'd hired. She and the other staff he had to maintain his house had a very high pay for the expectations he had most days. "Storm, can you get me some breakfast?" He asked politely and she nodded before heading into the small kitchen. He'd promised them that they'd have most of today off work since he didn't really need them around the house while Sienna and he talked things over. It didn't take long before Gregory (the butler) delivered the food to him in the living room area. He ate it, but he wasn't particularly hungry. Nerves, he figured. It was odd, since getting nervous wasn't really his thing.

He dismissed the staff for the rest of the day, knowing they wouldn't mind a paid day off for no specific reason. He could always order in pizza. And probably make himself breakfast... Cleaning didn't need to happen every day and it certainly wasn't a disaster if his bed wasn't made, right? He frowned slightly as he realised just how incredibly spoiled he really was. Then he chuckled, he worked hard for it! He heard the doorbell and instantly rushed over to greet his girlfriend. No matter how hard this might be, he loved her dearly and wanted to make this work if he could. He opened the door and instantly hugged her, kissing her forehead. "If you want some breakfast I still have some left. I wasn't super hungry." He said as she took her head, gently leading her in. At least she was used to the house by now.

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

January 2026

The path from the front gate to the door was incredibly familiar by now, considering the number of times Sienna had walked it on her many visits to Gus’s home. Despite the trip from the UK to France requiring a Portkey, Si always found that she could be incredibly patient until the moment she laid eyes on the door…then Si would always walk that last portion at a much quicker rate than normal in her excitement to see Gus. Because of that, she’d never quite become familiar with the entrance to Gus’s expansive home – despite how often she spent inside and in her garden in the back. Today, however, in contrast to every other visit…Si found herself walking the path at a slow pace, taking in the carefully maintained lawn and impressive outer façade of the place.

She wanted to see Gus, of course she did. Because Gus’s singing career required an exhausting amount of travel, and Si’s work at the apothecary and with Aware Wolf meant she needed to be based in London and available for the werewolves involved in the trials – well, it meant she saw Gus less than she liked. It meant that every moment they spent together was more valuable, and she missed him every moment they weren’t. No, she’d missed her boyfriend terribly and wanted badly to just…be with him. She had a habit of getting too involved in her own head sometimes, worrying over things and being afraid to share what was wrong with the people in her life. But Gus was undoubtedly the best thing that had ever happened to her and he had a way of simply reminding her that everything was going to be okay. That everything was okay when they were together.

The slow pace was probably just her nerves. Because Sienna had been guilty of exactly that, her worst habit of keeping secrets, and it had all come out in the worst way at the Christmas party. She should have spoken to Gus long before about how his fame might impact their relationship – and the negative attention she had received as his girlfriend. Some part of Sienna had wondered if it might happen after they’d started to date again, but she’d never expected the depth of the backlash she'd gotten – the weight that a shocking number of people still placed on blood status. But how could she tell Gus about the struggles she’d been having with the attention when she had been the one pushing him into his career in the first place? Sienna had puzzled over the question for months, and thought – okay, she’d talk to him eventually, she just needed to figure things out first.

Things hadn’t happened that way, but at least they were going to have that conversation now. Sienna felt a flutter of nerves as she knocked, and gave an attempt at a weak smile as the door opened. Still, despite her uncertainty she felt a wave of deep affection for Gus wash over her at his enthusiastic greeting, and she returned his hug tightly as she buried her face into his neck. As Si followed him in, she swept her eyes over the familiar layout and shook her head slightly at Gus’s mention of breakfast. “I had to stop by the apothecary this morning so I picked up something in Diagon.” Seeing Gus – her wonderful, familiar Gus – brought back some of her confidence and Sienna shot her boyfriend a playful look. “I don’t see Philippe. You weren’t torturing him again with the piano, were you?”

@auguste

[Deleted]

Sienna, light of his life and the most wonderful person he knew in this world, was there right in front of him. She didn't seem to be angry with him at least, which was a good place to start this conversation. He knew it wouldn't be easy as the stakes were high for both of them. To him it seemed like a choice between the woman he loved and the career he had devoted most of his life to. It was near impossible and while he knew that Sienna was one in a million and he'd never find anybody like her ever again he knew he couldn't sacrifice his career. He'd given up a lot of his privacy and bared so much of his soul to the public that he felt it was treason to himself to stop now. He'd sold his soul to the industry and there wasn't really a way out that would give them back the animosity he'd lost. There would be no benefit, and likely a far greater backlash because the more insane fans would have seen it as her stealing their singer away, as if they owned his soul. He supposed it was close enough.

Si mentioned that she'd stopped by the apothecary and had gotten some food in Diagon as a result and he nodded. Well, left more food for him he supposed. He glanced around again briefly as Sienna mentioned Phillipe. He shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Yeah he's been moody lately. Mopes around the pool half the day at times and is a total baby whenever I grab the piano. Like, I know he likes the guitar a lot better but I can hardly stop writing piano music because his spoiled highness feels like guitar." Yet there was a smile on his face that betrayed he'd serioiusly considered it every single time that Phillipe actually started complaining to his face. He loved the tiger dearly and probably more than anybody (except for Sienna) and would gladly go to great lengths for the animal.

"I hope there is no trouble with Aware wolf that caused the little detour...." He muttered, looking at her inquiringly. While he had no passion for potions and found most of the ingredients gross and unappealing he absolutely loved watching her work. She looked happy whenever she did and no matter how utterly disgusting the things she handled were to him, it was like it was nothing at all to her. He enjoyed that and always felt a certain measure of pride whenever it seemed like her experiments to improve potions had been going well. He had high hopes for Aware Wolf and knew she could pull it off with enough time and help from the werewolves she worked with. She was a genius after all.

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

It was hard to ignore the flutter of nerves in her stomach, even as Sienna felt herself brighten the longer she listened to Gus affectionately complain about Philippe. This part was so familiar – lingering in Gus’s arms, usually following the hug with an eager kiss after so much time apart. Bantering with him back-and-forth about how much he spoiled Philippe, and discussing the latest song he was working on and begging to hear some of the chorus early. Within the safety and privacy of Gus’s home were some of Sienna’s happiest memories, moments she could treasure forever and picture whenever she needed to produce her Patronus. If this had been everything, it would have been enough. At one point, it had been. But Gus had become so well-known, and their paths had been slowly diverging since leaving Beauxbatons. Sienna simply hadn't noticed the new distance until it became almost too much to cross.

She didn’t want to think about that, the fear that everything might change irretrievably soon, that she might lose him. Instead, Sienna allowed her eyes to linger on Gus, absorbing every little habit she had become intimately familiar with – the dynamic way he moved his hands as he told a story, the crooked smile that pulled at his lips, the way he could make her heart flutter with his intense gaze every time their eyes connected. She didn’t answer right away as Gus observed how moody his beloved pet had been, wanting to savor the moment a little longer before it was gone. Finally she teased, “Maybe he just takes after you too much. You teach him bad habits, love.” She didn’t see the tiger cub in question, but Sienna knew he was probably going to make his grand entrance later. He had certainly picked up on Gus’s love for drama.

The tension in her chest slowly dissipated, and Sienna’s smile grew as Gus mentioned Aware Wolf. “Nothing like that,” she assured him, her gaze growing a little more distant as she brought to mind her quick experiment from this morning. “No, I’m working on a surprise for Rhys. He’s been testing the potion for about a year now, he deserves it.” Si still hadn’t worked out the right calculations yet to combine Aware Wolf with a chemical formula as complicated as whisky. She had managed it with water, and one of the werewolves in the trial had been taking it since September. But whisky, she had quickly discovered, was another problem entirely and she expected it would still take weeks (if not months) to work out a solution. But Sienna didn’t want to get distracted with potions, as easy as it would be to forget why she was here. The corners of her lips pulled down slightly as her smile turned a little sad. Sienna was so, so scared of how this conversation might end. So scared at the thought of saying goodbye. “Gus, mon ange…” she began uncertainly, “we…know why I’m here, right?”

@auguste

[Deleted]

Gus couldn't help but simply smile as Sienna claimed he was teaching the tiger bad habits. She was probably right. He shrugged, a knowing smile already on his lips as the words had left her mouth. "You're probably right. I'd say it's part of our charm." He teased back just as easily. Their little dance of interactions started up so naturally, but it seemed that this time it would end differently and both of them knew it somewhere deep down. Maybe they just weren't ready to admit they'd drifted apart. It was one thing to realise that, but another entirely to bridge the question if it was better to stay in touch as friends or slowly fade into each others past where good memories could stay precious rather than let the bitterness and sour taste of reality forever spoil what had once been something so incredible even Gus had ran out of words. For the longest time, being around Sienna had felt like it was what was healing him. It was something that made the pain less profound and made him feel like there was always a place in her for him to call home. Somewhere he'd be safe.

He was glad it wasn't trouble at work that had kept her but rather a project. It was still work, he figured, but at least it wasn't that things were going wrong. He wanted the world for her, even if he couldn't give it to her. Even if his contributions were small and insignificant. In the end all he wanted was for her to be happy, with or without him. He knew he was too quick to sacrifice his own well being for others, even more so if he cared for them as deeply as he did for Sienna but they both knew that wasn't how he was supposed to live either. If that had been the case he'd had given everything up, his job, life and fame, just to be with her. It wouldn't do well for either of them, so he had embraced something he knew now brought him what he needed. A sense of purpose. The feeling he could actually make an impact in his own way and change the world just a little bit at a time. Just one song at a time, because somebody out there was willing to listen to him.

She brought their attention to the topic that was up for discussion between them and he sighed deeply, nodding. He gently led her towards the couches and pulled her against him and holding her as if it was the last time. For all he knew, it might well be. He took a deep breath. "I...." He faltered for a moment, running a hand through his hair and reminding himself of their contact. This wasn't the end if they didn't want it to be. It wasn't the end if they believed that was what was best for them. "The life I lead, it's not for you. The fame and intrusion into your personal life? The constant pressure and judgement from everybody...." He sighed. "I know it affects you differently. You're a kind and caring soul and unlike me, you actually want people to see the best of you." He didn't care which side of him people saw. They all saw what they wanted to see, no matter how he sold himself. It was easier to be questionable than to be seen as good. They looked for dirt, even if there was none to find. "It will never change how I feel about you." He said honestly. "But if you're unhappy because of our relationship... well it's not good enough. I suppose we're here to figure out how we can fit into each others lives without sacrificing important parts of ourselves along te way." He smiled a sad smile at her, full of love, yes, but also full of loss. "You've helped me grow so much as a person. It would be ungrateful to throw all of that out the window for sake of maintaining something we can't be sure is what is best for either of us." He said. It was in part his worst fear, but maybe this time he just had to face it. Sometimes moving on with the rest of ones life simply had to start with goodbye. At least this time it didn't have to be permanent if she didn't want it to be.

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Even though they hadn’t broached any of the heavy unspoken things between them, even though they were only bantering about how Gus spoiled his pet tiger…Sienna felt her heart twisting painfully, heard the blood pounding in her ears as she absorbed Gus’s bright smile and cheeky answer. She couldn’t help but hate her own sensitivity, how much being shoved into the spotlight had affected her. There were some things she could live with, the speculation in gossip columns about what this look or that word had meant, analyses of his body language or her expression and what that suggested for their relationship. But the negative attention had been overwhelming, a near constant pressure from the very beginning. Gus had developed armor against it – more than that, he thrived on the attention and playing into the persona the public knew him as. But it was a problem of hers that she couldn’t look past what people thought, what people said. She liked the quiet life, being away from the center of attention and in her comfort zone.

She had always been like that, so maybe part of her should have wondered. But something Sienna knew as a certainty was that she loved Gus, and that love had driven her to try so hard to be happy with how public his life was. She had been worrying over what to say to him since Christmas, because before anything else…they knew each other. They’d known each other since school, and their friendship ran deeper than any other Sienna had in her life. That’s why their relationship had always worked, because making the change had been as easy as breathing. And so she knew Gus was going to blame himself, because he always placed the responsibility for everything square on his shoulders. If she wasn’t happy, if something wasn’t working, then he would want to do anything he could to change it. And Si worried about what he would do to himself to make it happen. Gus had made so much progress in these last few years to move on from the darkness in his life, and he was growing into such a wonderful person. Si was mad about him, and she was so scared of what he would think of her when this conversation was over.

As they sat down, Sienna sighed and curled into Gus, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes as she felt the warmth emanating from him. She didn’t want to imagine that this could be the last time, and so she forced herself to push away the thought and simply pretend for a moment that this was a normal day. But it wasn’t, and she flinched slightly as Gus began to speak. Like with his music, his words punctured straight to the heart of the matter. It was so difficult to hear out-loud because he was right. Sienna felt like she was holding her breath, waiting for him to go to the obvious conclusion, the one that felt almost inevitable. They were good together, they loved each other, but…they wanted different things in life. Opposite things. It would require one of them to sacrifice something so big – Sienna’s need for privacy, or Gus’s deep love for what he did – and that wasn’t something one could ask of the other. But she opened her eyes and lifted her head as Gus trailed off. “Not because of the relationship,” Sienna corrected in a soft tone, eyes studying Gus’s face, his familiar features. “I love you so much. I never thought it would be possible to feel so close to someone, that someone could just know me so deeply.” Sienna felt hot tears prickling at the corners of her eyes as she spoke, and it was becoming harder and harder for each word to escape as she swallowed. “But Gus, mon ange, it’s become so hard to share you with so many people who disapprove. That being with me isn’t who you are, that if I really loved you I would set you free…and Merlin, maybe they’re right.” Sienna had to stop here because she was crying now, and she stopped to wipe desperately at her eyes to brush away the tears.

@auguste

[Deleted]

Gus struggled to see Sienna in her current state. She was sad because they both knew what they had yet to voice. This couldn't endure, no matter how much they cared about each other. He felt a deep and profound sadness that seemed to only be halted by the fact she still seemed to have love and affection in her eyes as she looked at him. He hadn't lost her completely. That was all that had ever mattered. He loved her and he wanted her to be happy, even if that meant he couldn't have the same. He feared what all of this meant for their future, but that was always a part of it, wasn't it?

Yet she crawled into his arms like it didn't have to end and he felt the heart wrenching pain of what he felt obligated to do for her happiness. She said it wasn't because of their relationship but deep within his heart he knew better. She loved him and wasn't afraid to say that and his heart shrivelled even as it grew. "You're the most important person in my life Si. There is nothing I wouldn't be willing to do for you. But this time I don't think anything I do can change things." He admitted in a quiet whisper. "Even if I give up my career the vultures wouldn't leave us alone for the first few years. They'd double down twice as hard with words more cruel than before. It would break both of us apart until we'd fail as a couple. I can't risk that, not if there is a different option." He took a deep breath, feeling the flood of pain taking him over. He took a breath as he contained himself, even though tears escaped his eyes.

"Being with you has been the best part of me. It makes me a better person and I don't wish to be free. Never believe their selfish lies born from spite and jealousy. Not the love a million people could complete me in the way you do. But I'd rather have your love and friendship but not your heart than risk losing everything I can't do without in idle hope the vultures will back down and we could live quietly. We both know you'd be happy until the toll of my isolation would show. Around you, I'd be content to live until the end of time bit as soon as you leave for work I'd do nothing but wait for you to get back. I'd lose my spark and you'd blame yourself. I don't see a happy ending for us as a couple, but I hope that beyond all challenges we can stay friends. That we can still be there for each other and learn to need other differently." He sighed, and wiped the tears from her eyes and the hair out of her face with a sad smile. Nobody was as perfect as she was and nobody ever would be.

"I'm sure you'll find somebody new to love in no time. You are so kind and you have so much to give. It's just a shame not everybody is willing to see and accept somebody like you can exist." He said sadly and hugged her close. "But no matter what happens, I'll be here for you, no matter what you need for the rest of my life." He pulled back and took a deep breath, smiling bravely despite the feeling of bitter despair. "I'll still give it all up if you believe that's better. All you have to do is ask."

Sienna Aurélie Linslee

[Sienna Aurélie Linslee]

Sienna let herself close her eyes for a moment and sink into the warmth of his arms. When they were alone, their relationship was lived up to its full potential – it was all the best parts of them set into a quiet and comfortable silence. It was the warmth of listening to Gus serenade her and Phil while she read her potions magazines and the tiger cub slumbered in the corner. It was the excitement of watching Gus drive his new golden car for the first time, because he’d been eagerly anticipating it for weeks and she loved the thrill that shot through her at hearing his wild and unrestrained laughter. When it was just her and him, there were so many good memories that could produce the strongest Patronus, because it was their friendship and shared love and admiration come to life.

And if it had just been that, it would have been enough. But it was impossible to separate Gus from his love for music, and the crowds of adoring fans that came with it. And it was impossible to forget that with that attention came all sorts of opinions, from Gus’s closest friends and fellow musicians to the random fan off the street with a million and one opinions about the celebrities they followed. Sienna loved Gus, but it tore at her to be the center of attention of so many people that disapproved, or belittled or hated her. She wanted to do big things in the world, change the lives of werewolves in a way that would let them become part of society for once, instead of simply being seen as unworthy of the attention. But she didn’t want her name attached to that, or any other publicity that came with the work. That was the difference.

She couldn’t hold back the tears, so she ran her fingers across her eyes to catch them before they could fall. Si couldn’t speak for a moment, breathless from the crushing weight in her chest and from Gus’s beautiful words – because he’d always had a way with words, and everything he was telling her now was like a dagger in the heart. “You’re right,” she said, her voice breaking on the last word as she considered the impossibility of the situation before them. The status quo couldn’t go on, but it was unthinkable to ask Gus to give up his career or the spotlight for her. She exhaled deeply, trying to smooth out the shakiness in her voice before she spoke, although it came out teary. “You’ve made my life so much better. At Beauxbatons…I felt like an outsider, like there was no way this world could be mine too. But you…” She stopped for a moment to brush the tears away and lift her head so she could gaze into Gus’s eyes, the same eyes she’d gotten lost in so many times before. “You make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world when I’m with you. I thought it would be impossible to trust someone with every part of me, but, well, you’ve always managed to defy expectations. And I love you for showing me that a spark can become a fire.” The thought of being with someone else made Si turn her head away and shake it – after being with Gus on-and-off for so long, and wanting to be with him for most of her life in the magical world…she couldn’t imagine it. “Please tell me we’re still best friends,” she said, a hint of desperation entering her voice. “Please say this doesn’t have to be goodbye. I could never ask you to give it all up for me…but the thought of my life without you…it’s just as impossible.”

@auguste

[Deleted]

There was little harder than saying goodbye to something he'd cherished so much for so many years, but it wasn't the same. Relationship or not, Sienna had always been one of the few people he'd felt safe around. He'd thought that he could handle anything as long as she was with him, and for a while it had been true. There was a coldness settling into his heart at this goodbye, even if he knew it wasn't the end of it all. They'd still be around each other, but it would never be the same again. "This world is yours Sienna. It always was. I might have been the one to introduce you to it, but you've made a place for yourself here that I am ever so proud of. It's beautiful to see that you took this place by storm, and my heart with it." And for the first itme in his life, he didn't tell her the full truth. He didn't tell her that his heart shattered knowing this was the end of the road for them. It truly was over, for good this time. How could he possibily hope for a happy ending in this? Not that she should know. She was to be kept safe, as his health had never been her responsibility.

"My dear Sienna...." He said with all the love in the world that he'd always have for her. "You will always be my best friend, and my saviour. Nothing will ever change that. No matter the distance between us, you'll always have a special place in my heart." Even after it stops beating. Not that he'd tell her that, but he felt it in his soul. She'd been such a huge part of his life and had helped him grow so much. All the mistakes they'd made together and all the things they'd learned. Life had a funny way of misleading people like that. All his dreams for the future had involved her, and now that door seemed closed to him. Even as she poured out her heart to him, he felt his own close and shut her out. He should have protected her from everything he was years ago. Now that she was saying her goodbyes while holding on to what they might have had, he was saying his goodbyes with the idea of letting go. He knew himself too well and he knew how his brain worked. Before long he'd find that darkness staring back at him until it was too much to take. Yet he couldn't push it on her when she had plenty of her own things to deal with. Not when all he seemed to have caused her recently was misery in pain. Perhaps it was easier if she'd hate him, so that their final goodbye that seemed to be ahead would hurt less. Maybe one more lie to protect her, one born from truth. "Don't worry Sienna, I can't imagine my life without you either. We'll always be able to find a way to make this work, as long as we both want it." A lie born from truth. He didn't want to imagine his life without her, but he knew he had to. He just wasn't sure if he was able. How did one continue like nothing had happened? Already he felt the longing to disappear slowly freeze over his heart and senses. This was the last proper goodbye, wasn't it?

Sienna Aurélie Linslee
THE END.