levitating [bianca]

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

15 March 2026

Felix's cheek still stung from where Bianca had slapped him days ago after finding out about his spontaneous nuptials. He hadn't exactly planned on telling her or breaking things off, especially since Melody - who he now knew to be Lúthien - had said their relationship was nothing but a paper. That had developed somewhat, and Felix had been largely avoiding Bianca due to the guilt he felt over ending things so abruptly. He tried to qualify that Bianca had never wanted him for anything more than sex, but he knew that wasn't exactly it. They'd had such interesting, challenging conversations. It was Bianca who inspired Felix to have a long, hard look at his perspective on life, only to find that he didn't want it to be empty.

With Melody's reveal, she had urged him to learn occlumency not only to protect her identity, but to protect himself. Felix hadn't been able to bring it up to Heleen or Dmitri as originally planned, but a fateful puzzle piece fell into place as Felix considered that the head of the department for magical law enforcement was a skilled occlumens. And, as it turned out, they had quite the history.

Tail between legs, Felix had shelved his pride and asked Bianca for her help. Their initial lessons had been fraught with tension, especially as Felix found himself distracted by Bianca's intense, night dark stare. She hadn't accepted the task lightly, but Felix was grateful she had agreed at all. They agreed to a schedule, one that Bianca had set the boundaries, times and places for. It was fair enough - she was the one who had agreed to help him. They'd first met in her corner office at the ministry, but it felt not quite private enough, so Bianca had grudgingly invited Felix to her home. It was bizarre - in their brief dalliance, Bianca had never invited him over. They'd always taken things to his flat.

Felix checked her address before pressing the buzzer. He was oddly nervous - but tried to practice the mind stilling exercises Bianca had given him. It was next to impossible, with thoughts of her smooth caramel skin and her long, dark hair spilling over her shoulders onto her... he had to stop himself before it got too far.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

15 March 2026

Nothing in her life would ever be simple. Bianca fumed over that fact as she impatiently waited for Felix to arrive. She was having trouble sorting out the tangle of emotions inside her, and that in itself was frustrating because it had been a problem long-since solved. Once upon a time, she had struggled with Occlumency – it was a skill that required complete control over oneself, the ability to acknowledge and then set aside any inner turmoil. No matter how many times her mentor had told her, Bianca had still struggled to internalize the lesson for most of her time as an Auror. But the last few years, ever since her father’s death – well, her thoughts had been neat and orderly and Occlumency had come much easier.

Even with the added emotional complications, it was still easy to create her mental walls and therefore distance. She’d had too much practice since her transfer to be anything but talented at that. And she needed that distance badly, because without it to protect her, all she could feel was anger. Her father might have told her the anger was only a secondary emotion – that in reality she felt betrayed, and that some degree of trust and vulnerability was needed in order to feel betrayed. But that was ridiculous, because it wasn’t the sort of relationship she’d had with Felix. Had, in the past tense. It had been purely physical, meant to help her cope with the stress and difficulties of her job, and even to process the rush of emotions that came from the highs and lows of it. There had been another component to it as well – he liked to philosophize and she liked a challenge, so their conversations ran much deeper than what she normally found at work. It was thought-provoking, it was fun, she thought it had been an arrangement that worked.

But trust? Vulnerability? That wasn’t the game she played. No, her anger was because he’d lied – and while Bianca might expect it from the criminals she put away or her coworkers with their own agendas, she hadn’t expected it from him. He’d made an incredibly stupid and shortsighted decision, and then he’d lied to her about it. So, she reasoned, it was completely acceptable to be angry at him for being foolish and to be angry at herself for not expecting it. She hadn’t wanted to see him again, had been ready to turn him away when he’d shown up asking for Occlumency lessons…but damn, she should have remembered Leo and Felix were friends too, and that Leo knew her too well. And she was weak when it came to saying no to Leo. So she needed to set the ground rules. That this was a favor for him, that she was the undisputed master in these lessons, and that these were only lessons. That last condition was important to enforce, if only because Felix was easily distracted and it was difficult for Bianca to maintain her professional distance when she was constantly confronted with memories of them upon entering Felix’s mind. She couldn’t cut Felix out of her life completely…and in all honesty, she didn’t want to. They’d only known each other a few short months, but he’d found a way to subtly carve out a place for himself in her life. But that first stage was over and they would need to find their new normal.

At the sound of his arrival, Bianca moved to open the door silently and with a stony expression. She hadn’t been thrilled at the thought of hosting – keeping people away from her home was yet another security precaution and a means to keep her distance from them -- but the Ministry was too public. Still, there wasn’t much to read into. The place was incredibly impersonal, nothing to suggest hints of her personality except for the artwork on the walls – as she’d chosen every piece individually and thoughtfully, art being one of the few things that could relax her anymore. “Have you been practicing?” she asked flatly, opting to skip any awkward small talk and step aside to let Felix in and carefully lock the door behind him.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

It had been shocking in its own right to find that Bianca had agreed to giving him lessons in Occlumency. He'd considered asking someone else - anyone else, really. Anyone to avoid being smacked again, or facing the feelings that lingered whenever he looked at or thought of Bianca. Their non-relationship had burned quickly and brightly. Felix had indulged perhaps too much in her, even as she insisted that what they had was nothing special, and only sex. She had challenged him, made him think more deeply about long held beliefs that nothing mattered. Felix had loathed to admit that perhaps, there was a reason for life.

The snap decision to wed a stranger hadn't been one Felix regretted. There was something about Melody - Lúthien, though he preferred to wilfully ignore that part - that made him feel alive. And she didn't shut down those feelings that had slowly grown between them. Melody - though she wasn't Bianca - challenged Felix, reminding him that there was no reason to life, which inversely gave Felix a reason to live rather than simply exist. It was a curious combination, for if he hadn't been brooding over Bianca he would have never found something good.

The arrangement between Felix and Bianca ended as suddenly as it had begun. Felix hadn't openly supplied his nuptials to Bianca, but instead had resorted to avoiding her, and the strange swooping sensation in the pit of his belly whenever he considered her. Instead, Felix buried himself in his work, but Bianca, as the head of the law enforcement, had her own ways of finding things out. After reaming him out, she agreed to train him in occlumency. Their first lessons together had been draining, though this new arrangement was strange but successful all the same. They would have to find their new normal.

The stony expression with which he was greeted was expected and unsurprising, thought Felix as he shuffled through Bianca's front door. He hadn't really been to her flat before - their previous couplings had usually taken place at his flat. Felix glanced around as Bianca asked bluntly if he had been practicing. "Yes, though I suppose you'll see," said Felix. The flat was impersonal to the degree that Felix wondered briefly if Bianca actually lived here or if she actually slept in her office. He recalled her having had a difficult past, hence her relocation to the UK, but was still struck by the starkness of the flat. "Ever considered a painting?" asked Felix, sliding his gaze towards the dark beauty before him in an effort to lighten up their conversation.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca studied Felix carefully as he walked past her – it was almost difficult to believe there could be somebody more tense out there than her. But he looked the same as he always did, a straight set to his spine and a constant furrow between his eyebrows. As if he was too busy contemplating the mysteries of the universe to notice what was standing before him. It was grating how familiar he had become to her these last few months, if only because it meant that connection went both ways. Bianca hated the idea that she could be readable to someone, that they could look at her and know things that she wasn’t volunteering directly. But then Felix had demonstrated an ability to do that from the night they’d first met – and she supposed it was one of the things she liked about him. He could be naïve, unable to read the clues that were practically screaming at him – but he could notice things other people didn’t. It was an odd balance.

He looked tense – but then again, she couldn’t blame him. Occlumency lessons were grueling, since the only way to truly learn was to practice the fundamentals by having your mind attacked again and again. Add to that the awkward dynamic between them – and he should be sorry about that! – and it made for an uncomfortable environment. Bianca didn’t want to feel anything but angry…she didn’t want to simply forgive him for the stupid choices he’d made, no matter how pathetic he looked. So she looked away after answering her question and focused her attention on locking the door behind them. “Hm,” she responded curtly as he confirmed he’d been practicing. In some things, Felix was a quick learner, and he certainly displayed the potential to pick up Occlumency and someday be quite adept with it. But he was also easily distracted, and his mind was too cluttered. Both those facts worked against him, and Bianca had told him so every lesson since the first.

She scoffed slightly at his question, turning to face him. “Have a secret passion for interior design, do you?” Bianca asked in a challenging tone, making her way slowly towards him – hips swaying slightly, skeptical expression on her face. The truth was that he’d hit the nail on the head, again, because the artwork was the only thing Bianca cared about in her entire apartment (besides the one framed Muggle photograph she allowed herself of a camping trip with her father from when she was young). But she’d stopped browsing for new additions lately, if only because going to art galleries brought to mind a certain journalist with deep blue eyes and an easy smile. And she didn’t quite like the way her heart inexplicably skipped a beat at any thought of him. She refocused on Felix, brow furrowing slightly at how pale he looked. “Are you sleeping?” Bianca demanded. That didn’t quite match the stony distance she had told herself to keep from Felix because – he was a temptation, and Bianca had gotten used to indulging whenever she came close to missing him. But she was done. Had to be done – how could she let anyone into her life if she couldn’t trust them? She huffed slightly. “Sit down for a minute or you’ll be useless all night.” It wasn’t a suggestion.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Ever since their first Occlumency lesson, Bianca had been quick to note that Felix struggled with a mind that was too cluttered with thought. It had once been something to take pride in for him, that he had so many ideas and thoughts roving around up there. Quiet though he always had been, Felix was always thoughtful and studious. It had led him to take an interest in the universe, possibly the greatest mystery to ever discover. Unfortunately, he was no closer to cracking that than he was to being a good occlumens, despite weeks of lessons with Bianca.

In his defence, Felix struggled to stifle the lingering feelings that resurged whenever Bianca's night dark eyes bored into his with an intensity that could light a fire. Even after he had so wholly wrecked whatever they'd had between them, his heart still beat a traitorous tune at her passion. He took a breath and tore his gaze from the woman before him, casting an eyes around the room before commenting that it was rather stark. He chuckled at her snappish response. "What can I say, perhaps Fee is rubbing off on me after all," he murmured, shooting her a sly smile.

Bianca sashayed towards him, and Felix couldn't help but follow the movement, memories of that caramel skin drenched in moonlight as she -- Felix blinked, and shook his head slightly. How was he supposed to clear his mind when the memories of what he had with Bianca kept cropping up in her presence? She asked if he had been sleeping, just as he had wondered if she slept in this flat at all. "Er, yes?" Felix replied, feeling rather like a deer in the headlights. In truth, he had been sleeping. And he had been thoroughly worn out by Melody - though he wasn't about to mention that to Bianca. Merlin, if she found those memories... Felix had even taken off his wedding band as not to trigger a rage from Bianca once more. Even though she was the teacher here, Felix found he wanted nothing more than to protect her from harm.

Wrinkling his nose in distaste, Felix replied. "I'm fine." He was not fine. How was he supposed to empty himself of emotion when there was such a mixed up knot of it bubbling inside him. "Can we just... can we just practice?" he asked weakly, his grey eyes meeting hers at last.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca rolled her eyes at Felix’s response. She’d never met his sister, but it had been clear enough from their first conversation that Felix cared deeply for her. Ophelia had since come up as a topic now and then, although usually just in passing. Bianca was a little jealous of that connection, not because it had ever taken Felix’s attention away but – just because she’d never had anything similar with her own brother. Even before everything that had happened. Still, Felix’s clever little quip didn’t deserve a serious response, so Bianca only made a ‘tsk’ sound and moved on. Standing in front of him, it was much easier to make the eye contact needed for practice, but beyond that…well, it gave Bianca a better insight into his answers. His tentative response to her question prompted Bianca to narrow her eyes as she kept their gazes connected. Merlin, weeks of lessons and he had yet to internalize how crucial eye contact was for Legilimency. Even without using the spell, there was so much she could read from him. And she clenched her jaw in frustration at the clear indication that he was thinking about her – this mysterious woman he had met in a bar and married that same night. “Right,” she said in a hard tone, “I suppose she’s taking care of that.” Bianca finally broke their eye contact as she felt another pulse of anger and hurt, although she didn’t move away.

“No, you’re not,” Bianca countered immediately at Felix’s weak assertion that he was fine. She could see hints of his inner turmoil in his eyes and the hard set of his jaw, but she didn’t need to be a Legilimens to also sense the uncertainty and inner conflict rolling off him in waves. “Why do you keep lying to me?” she asked quietly, her usual underlying tone of accusation replaced this time by exhaustion instead. Would she only ever get truths from him by breaking into his mind? He seemed incapable of being honest with her, even with the high premium she placed on it. The thought hurt - it was too personal, so Bianca’s gaze sharpened and she focused on Felix’s weak question asking if they could simply start to practice instead.

“We are practicing,” she responded curtly. He hadn’t moved to sit, so Bianca took action - and raised her hands to his shoulders to insistently shove him down onto her couch cushions. “It wasn’t a suggestion.” She let her hands linger for a moment, standing over him with her eyes on his face as she observed quietly, “Worse than lying to me, you’ll never learn Occlumency if you keep lying to yourself.” No wonder he hadn’t taken to it yet. Occlumency required deep reflection and contemplation – two qualities that Felix had in spades – but also a sense of stillness, balance. There were things he hadn’t come to peace with, and they were holding him back. Bianca had been that way once, and it had taken an irretrievable loss to force her to focus. To cut ties with most of the world and look within. It was a harsh way to learn, and Bianca struggled with these lessons as much as Felix did. Not with the technique, no – learning how to be a better teacher, learning how to be there for him even as she resisted the impulse to push him away.

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Felix wanted to shout at Bianca for her clipped tone, placing the blame of this whole mess squarely on her shoulders. But he knew that he was mostly to blame. He had been so determined to shut down any sort of feelings for her, he'd gone out and done the wildest thing possibly. Married a stranger. Not that marriage really held any significance to him - it was just in the eyes of the law, and only the muggle law at that. It was more an act of companionship, especially as Felix aged more and more and felt less and less tethered to life.

Despite the fact that he knew that Bianca was an expert at occlumency, he registered the hurt on her face as she looked away. Felix heaved a great sigh, considered reaching out to comfort her, then thought better of it. She made it very clear that she only harboured resentment at his breaking of their arrangement. Felix tried to convince her that he was fine - and he could have been, if only those pesky feelings disappeared. Bianca saw through him at once, and he fixed her with a glare. "I want to protect you," said Felix at last, dropping his gaze and pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt a dull throb echo in his head, even as Bianca continued to rip into him.

Bianca pushed him down onto his sofa, and an image of her crawling on top of him, capturing his lips in a heated kiss as his hands made quick work of her clothes and -- this was impossible. Felix's mind was far too saturated with memories of Bianca, especially in her presence. She was like a goddess, tantalising him, promising gifts if only he did what she asked. And he wanted to shut down his mind, he really did. But how was that even possible as she pursed her sensuous lips, swayed her enticing hips, and all around set his blood on fire. "I- I-" he started, his eyes fixing on hers. "I don't want you to know how I feel!" he ground out at last, the dam of emotions breaking and spilling out before them. "I fucked up so badly. And I regret it - but I wanted to prove to myself and to you that it was just an arrangement. But it never was!" he explained, with more passion and emotion in this display than he had ever shown in the past. "I let you in and you didn't want me, only what I could do."

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Good intentions, bad execution. It was so hard to stay angry at Felix for anything, if only because he wasn’t a malicious person, had never wanted to hurt anyone else. He was searching for something, Bianca could see that clearly enough. There was something missing in his life, and Felix wanted so badly to find it. And if that had been the end of the story, it was something she understood so, so well. In fact it had been these conversations with Felix, deep and thought-provoking and scattered in between their frantic and eager nights together, that had shown Bianca everything she wanted, and didn’t have. But he had a pattern of taking the most relatable sentiments, the kind of thing she could connect with, and turning it into a mess. There wasn’t any other word to describe the situation. Their arrangement had been physical, yes, and Bianca couldn’t count the number of late nights where she’d laid awake thinking of Felix until giving into the impulse to see him, indulge in him.

But that wasn’t how it had started, that wasn’t the foundation of it. No, it had started with a conversation, and in the end that had been what had changed Bianca the most. And for a while, the arrangement had seemed almost…domestic. There had been something so satisfying about waking up next to someone else, the same someone else, and being able to turn to them to celebrate her successes and dwell on the darker parts of life. It had made her realize how much she wanted that for real. To stop feeling so alone all the time – to know that there was someone out there who valued their time together as much as she did, who valued her. She still wanted it…but the knowledge had been weighing heavily on her since finding out about Felix’s hasty decision that...it wasn’t going to be with him. But god, who else would want her, as broken and cynical as she was?

“Pushing me away isn’t the same as protecting me,” Bianca finally responded, her tone uncertain and smaller than normal as she finally spoke the truth out-loud. Because…that was exactly what she had done, what she continued to do, with most people in her life. It had to stop. If this is what it felt like to be kept at a distance, afraid to show true emotions, then she had to stop. She stood over Felix, her hands still gripping his shoulders, as he struggled to speak. As the words finally erupted out of him, Bianca inhaled sharply and withdrew, hands falling to her sides. She felt her heart clench at the picture Felix painted of her – cold, detached, someone only interested in using him. “If—“ Bianca stopped suddenly to avoid the possibility of her voice breaking. The next time she spoke, it was at a much higher volume, matching his level of heat and emotion. “If that’s all you think you are to me, then you’re blind, Felix. I’m still here, aren’t I? Our arrangement ended and I’m still here.” Bianca sat down heavily next to him on the couch, running her hands through her hair as she searched frustratingly for the words. “I care about you. I hate how much I care about you. I hate how much power that gives you over me, even when you aren’t here. And what does that say about how little you want me, if one sign of rejection was enough to send you running into another woman’s arms?”

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Though he would be the last to ever admit it, Felix had no idea what the hell he was doing. Finally, he admitted what had plagued him for so long - his unrequited feelings for Bianca. Her insistence that what they had was purely physical, merely a way to scratch an itch. They had spent more nights together than apart, and those lonely nights had stretched into sleepless hours as he contemplated the strange sensations that she had awoken in his body. Unfamiliar emotion crawled under his skin, raising the hairs on the back of his neck as Felix felt himself going on the offensive. He had wanted to protect Bianca - from the pain he already felt when he considered her. He didn't want her to know that what he felt for her had gone so much deeper than just a sexual attraction. She argued that pushing her away wasn't protecting her.

"I'm not... well, I'm not trying to push you away," said Felix, one of the first honest things that came out of his mouth. "It's just er... well I am in completely over my head here," he admitted. "No one else has made me really question my long held beliefs. That each action of ours leads to a chain reaction. What's the use of existing if we have no reason to live?" he murmured, glancing up at the way she hovered over him. Her dark beauty struck him then, as it had so many times before. How could he have ever tried to forget her? There was a pang in his chest and he remembered - because she had wanted nothing more from him. Bianca started speaking, then stopped abruptly, mastering herself as he had tried so valiantly to do.

Felix blinked, his brow furrowing. "There's a difference between sense of duty and honour, and free will," he replied, shifting his gaze to her shoulder as not to be burned by her eyes. Bianca finally relented, slumping down onto the couch next to him, running her fingers through her thick, dark hair. He followed the movement with his eyes, remembering all the times that his fingers had tangled in those curls. "I don't know," said Felix, his voice smaller than he expected. He met her gaze again, a small frown on his lips, the ever present crease between his eyebrows deepening. "I... don't really know rejection. I was afraid. I still am," he admitted, searching her eyes for solace. "With her... it was more a matter of convenience. She dared me to do it - and I didn't want to get so hung up on you. But it didn't work," said Felix with a dark chuckle. "Clearly," he added after a moment. Felix pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead, trying to stave off the headache that had started. "I didn't mean to make it complicated. I didn't mean for you to have such a powerful impact on my life. To make me want to live rather than just exist," he finished quietly.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca studied Felix, her face a battleground of warring emotions. She was still angry – that was the easiest emotion to identify, in fact, the familiar burning ball of anger in her chest that wanted to lash out and remind Felix of all the stupid decisions he had made lately. But there were other emotions that also competed for attention, that screamed to remind her that they were there and demanded to be acknowledged. The hurt that had come from Felix’s blatant rejection of her and what she could offer, the shame of how she must seem to him if she was even a fraction as cold or calculating as he had described, and the worry that he was slipping through her fingers. Knowing that she wanted him in her life, but wondering if she was going to lose him completely.

She had gained an intimate knowledge of Felix these last few months – dark nights learning every inch of his body, finding what could make him flush and squirm and moan. And then these Occlumency lessons, breaking into his mind over and over again and becoming so familiar with how it was structured, with the complex and ever-dynamic landscape of his thoughts. And still, in other ways, it felt like she didn’t know him at all. Like she was gaining an insight into who he truly was for the first time as he stammered that he didn’t want to push her away, that he was in the middle of a (long overdue) reevaluation of his core beliefs. “For someone who is so insistent that the things that happen around us have no real meaning,” Bianca began, her tone growing quieter and softer, “you always search there first to find your life's purpose.” As had become her habit, she had begun to inch closer to Felix. “You shouldn’t rely so much on the people in your life for that. People always leave, in the end.”

Her voice had almost dropped to a whisper at that last painful observation, but she felt her brows crease in anger and she pursed her lips as Felix suggested she was here out of duty, not free will. He had dropped his gaze, so Bianca brought her hand up to tilt his chin so he was forced to make eye contact. “Listen to me,” she said forcefully, staring into his mesmerizing gray eyes. She had spent their first conversation intently gazing into them, wondering where his thoughts were, and she had wondered the same thing every night since. Now she wanted him here, in the present, with her. “I told you,” she began, quiet but forceful, “the first night we met, what I thought about free will. I don’t believe in fate. I don’t believe we’re helpless against things too big for us to push back on – whether it’s the universe or even duty. I’m here because I choose to be. And as spectacular of a job that you’ve done in making this complicated…I’m not leaving.” His words were honest, finally honest, and they sounded too close to a confession for comfort. Bianca felt her heart squeeze painfully at the thought that she couldn't reciprocate. Her next words came out ragged, and they formed strangely in her mouth because she never apologized. “I’m sorry,” she said shakily. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. I’m sorry you can’t give me what I want. It doesn’t mean you aren’t one of the most important people in my life now, because you are.” She exhaled, unsure of herself for the first time. “We agreed that all moments end, eventually. I don’t want this one to end…but it can’t continue like it was.”

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Bianca's face was a storm of different emotions, rage parrying confusion and sadness. Felix gave her a wry smile that crumpled into a pained expression. Where was that quietly confident mask he had worn so eloquently for so many years? Pressing down on the burgeoning emotions that life wasn't in fact meaningless. Bianca inched closer to Felix, the space between them so thick it was nearly solid. Felix swallowed thickly, his grey eyes trained on her dark ones, making a conscious effort not to look down at those lips and remember just how many ways they had tempted him. How many ways Bianca had, and still did, temp him.

Felix tried to take a calming breath but Bianca enveloped his senses, her rich and vibrant scent wending its way through his mind. "So long I was running around blind. The universe holds no answers. Only I can uncover the meaning of my own life," Felix replied slowly. "Space is still so intriguing and unforgiving. And yet, I was searching for answers when none could be found. Now, I have to look inside myself and find my truth." Months and months of silent reflection had brought Felix to this point, starting on New Years Eve when Bianca had first challenged him. He couldn't attribute the change to her, not entirely. But she'd certainly made him think twice about life, meaning, and the greater universe.

She was close. Too close. He could see the golden flecks in her eyes. He could see the ripple of emotion that passed across her face as she considered him, arguing vehemently that she made these choices in her life that led her here. There was no such thing as fate, nothing that controlled the spiral of existence and life. Her words were leaden with emotion and he huffed out a ragged breath, leaning away from her. There was that intense spark between them, even though Felix was so sure he had destroyed any sense of connection between them. He closed his eyes momentarily, centring himself. "I'm sorry. As well. For asking for something I never should have considered in the first place," he replied, finally meeting her gaze again.

"I'm sorry for being a coward. I didn't... y'know, mean any of it. And I've acted rashly and much younger than my age lately," he said with a chuckle. The night Felix had met - or re met, he supposed - Melody, he was in a haze of pain and self loathing. The spur of the moment decision had sparked a bit of joy in his life, slowly hauling him out of the depths of his own despair. And though he was affectionate of Melody, their relationship bloomed in a very different manner than that with Bianca. There hadn't been the instant spark, the intense desire roaring through their bones. Excitement had turned to lust, and Felix didn't take the time to examine it further.

"No, no we can't," Felix agreed finally. "We... we can figure it out. I want you in my life. And right now, I er... I need help," he admitted. The meaning went unspoken, that it was more than just occlumency. He had thrived in such a gloomy existence for so long, barely treading water. He was ready now to swim.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

So much had changed in the last days and weeks, but it simultaneously felt like nothing had changed at all. The cornerstone of their peculiar arrangement had always been these difficult conversations, a back-and-forth parry on complicated topics with no real answer. Out of everything Bianca had learned about Felix, everything she had seen and observed and experimented with – there was nothing she enjoyed more than watching the way his mind worked. The methodical way he considered an argument, a distant look in his eyes while his brow furrowed in concentration. His careful answers, not a single phrase out of place, every thought and word playing its part in the formulation of a well-reasoned (if not occasionally short-sighted) world view. More than anything physical, his eyes or his lean frame or his fiery kisses, his most attractive feature by far had been his clever mind and his ability to counter every one of her arguments with his own.

Even now, in the midst of this whirlwind of emotions that was pulling her apart in every direction, Bianca could still feel that magnetic pull. She still felt that spark between them, lit by the intensity of their conversations and fueled by the undeniable fact that she never could seem to keep her hands off him. As she watched him process her words and respond slowly with his own, it occurred to her that it would be so, so easy to fall into the same pattern. To close the distance between them, straddling him while she kissed him fiercely. Setting the argument aside for the rest of the evening, maybe the morning too, and returning to it only after the fire had cooled. In this moment, it was almost possible to forget that anything out of the ordinary had happened, and it would have been the easiest thing to fool herself into pretending that it was business-as-usual.

But that was impossible, and the reality of where they were accompanied by his sobering words was enough to center Bianca. She had been unconsciously closing the distance between them, the same way she always had, but for the first time since they had met – Bianca ignored the impulse to close the last few inches. She swallowed slightly and leaned back, and that inconsistency, that divergence, was enough to seal the crossroads moment they had come to. It was over. The desire was still there, would probably linger for some time while she began to process what this change meant – but it would fade. Things would change, hopefully for the better. And as with all things, time would eventually wash it all away. That wouldn’t mean it didn’t happen, or that it hadn’t meant anything. It had, as much as she had never wanted to see that. But eventually it would come to mean something else.

It went against her nature to pretend that things were fine when they weren’t, but there was a fragile feeling to the conversation, like whatever was left between them might shatter if Bianca pushed too hard. She had said what she needed to, and these emotions…these emotions she didn’t know what to do with weren’t going anywhere. So as Felix gave a chuckle at his observation, Bianca returned it with a weak smile, barely a curve of her lips. It didn’t come naturally – she had gotten so used to smothering her smile whenever the rare impulse surfaced. “Maybe you deserve a little rash behavior,” she admitted, breaking eye contact to study her coffee table as if it held the secrets to life. “Merlin knows you find enough reasons to keep yourself unhappy. If this is what you needed to start on a new path…” She couldn’t finish the thought, instead nervously twisting her fingers through her hair. She wasn’t one for nervous tics either, but it was easier to indulge in that than study the role she had played in making Felix unhappy. Or acknowledging the gut-wrenching thought that it seemed what he needed was to get away from her.

His last words spoke volumes, a whole symphony of unspoken thoughts and emotions carefully compacted into a few simple words. But he’d always been quite talented at that too. Bianca exhaled slowly, steeling herself to the fact before raising her eyes to his again. “I need help too,” she said in a low voice. “I can see that…what I’ve been doing hasn’t really been living. Not for years. And it’s…hard, to admit that I don’t know what I’m doing.” It was a personal thought, the sort she rarely shared, and almost never to anyone besides Leo. But this connection with Felix was hardly surface-level, nowhere near it, and he had a unique insight into who she was now. Bianca hated that fact, but there was some small part of her that was relieved too. That thought was veering into dangerous territory, so she continued, her voice a little more stable and sure of itself, “So, it seems…that it’s time to practice Occlumency.”

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

The most intriguing part of their arrangement had not been the meeting of their bodies, but instead the meeting of their minds. Though Felix had heartily appreciated the soft curves of Bianca's waist, the tickle of her long dark hair and the way that his name sounded as it fell from her lips in pleasure, their non-relationship had been far more than that. Bianca had made Felix reflect and think, and finally come to realise that his singular focus on understanding the universe and attributing everything to that dark hole was unfair. That there were no philosophical answers to be found - that there was not some exact response to the meaning of life. Bianca had challenged him, forcing him to look inwards for the answers instead. And what Felix had discovered upon reflection was frightening to him, to say the least. To challenge and change his world view so fully, to make him understand that the meaning of life wasn't written out in the stars, but rather based on the choices every individual made. For one person to open his eyes, it was a miracle that Felix had been able to think of anything other than her.

Felix spoke hesitantly, softly, unsure as he never was before. It was hard to formulate his thoughts with Bianca so close to him, with him so desperate to close the distance between them. But he had broken their bond in a moment of selfishness, in a moment of weakness and desperation to prove that he was in fact fine without her. Did she realise the very impact she'd had on his life? Felix took a deep, steadying breath, but Bianca's tantalising scent enveloped him instead, pressing against his already faltering willpower. His decision to go through with wedding and bedding Melody had been borne of desperation and despair, of loneliness overcoming him and the idea that he would always be alone. With this arrangement, he didn't have to be alone anymore. The only thing he had sacrificed was his happiness.

After a pregnant pause, Bianca sat back, and studied the coffee table. Felix felt as if he could breathe again, but the mixture of emotions swirling within him did not ease his tense shoulders. He allowed a dry laugh, following her gaze to the coffee table. It, like the rest of the house, was utilitarian and undecorated. "I do. And yet I keep doing things to keep myself unhappy. I suppose it's a balance between myself and my sister, who always seems to be joyous despite having faced so many hardships. I have no hardships to my name, and yet I seem determined to keep myself miserable," said Felix, wringing his hands in his lap.

In a surprising turn of events, Felix admitted that he needed help. He had never been one to be in touch with his emotions, that was Fee's job. And yet as his gaze fell upon Bianca, taking note of the soft flush of her cheeks and the wild curls of her hair, Felix realised that the only person who could help him in this was the person who had caused him so much tumult. The young woman who sat before him. She replied in kind, surprising Felix. She hadn't been living for years? She had been wearing a mask as surely as he had? His lips parted in surprise as he mulled over her words. "I didn't know you felt like that. I'm sorry to hear it," said Felix, genuinely. "Going through the motions... pretending to search for meaning, without realising it lies within you. I think for both of us, we just need to be honest with ourselves," said Felix.

The abrupt change of topic unsettled Felix, who sucked in his cheeks nervously. "Right, occlumency," he replied, running his fingers through his dark hair. "Shouldn't be too bad, considering I've already bared my soul to you," he added with a dark chuckle. "Er... shall I just er... sit here?" asked Felix, as unsure as Bianca was sure. He was certain that she would puncture any mental defences he had, and though Felix knew to empty his mind of thoughts, it was near impossible with Bianca so near him. Perhaps this was a mistake - or perhaps a blessing in disguise.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

They were beginning to travel into unknown territory, and she found her usual level of confidence faltering at the task. She relied on being brash and bold, pushing through any obstacle until it broke. It had always worked in the Ministry – Law Enforcement was not a career for the sensitive or gentle, and any of that had been pushed so deep inside her that she wasn’t sure it even existed anymore. It was a harsh landscape, a man’s world, and it had forced her to become hard to survive. She wasn’t used to brushing aside challenges – she obliterated them completely. But it wouldn’t work here. This was not a situation where she could simply forget the past and move forward alone. It also wasn’t one where she could get by with brute force. Not without losing him completely, and of everything Bianca had had time to reflect on in the last weeks, it was that even after all the hurt and confusion…she still wanted Felix in her life.

It wouldn’t be healthy to pretend nothing had happened, or ignore the messy stew of emotions that had put them in this situation now. Things couldn’t just go back to the way they were, and she didn’t want that anyway. But in the interest of preserving whatever fragile link still existed between them, whatever thin thread of trust they’d created over the last several months…she needed a new approach. In the face of such a challenge, one that required subtlety and forgiveness that Bianca wasn’t sure she possessed…she fell back to something familiar. She wouldn’t have called it philosophy, because she’d never been interested in abstract musings before. Sitting in silence to ponder the larger mysteries of life…it wasn’t her style. But she had always followed her father’s lessons diligently, his little observations about life and what it meant to be good. For a while, after his death, she’d forgotten, and started wandering down a path she wasn’t sure he would have approved of. Blurring the lines of morality at work, taking unnecessary risk for the potential of greater reward, forgetting why she had even started down this path in the first place.

Felix had ignited the spark again, that first night they’d met. His thoughts, abstract as they might be, reminded her that surviving wasn’t living. Getting by wasn’t enough. That life had meaning when they assigned it one, and allowed that principle to guide every action, every decision that needed to be made at a fork in the road. He wondered out-loud now about how he always found himself miserable, how he always seemed to seek it out. Bianca chewed her lip before she finally told him frankly, “Life is miserable, Felix. It will always find a way to knock us down.” She paused for a moment, formulated the words in her mind the way she had seen Felix do before he presented an argument. There was still a thing or two to learn from him, in the end. Then Bianca continued, in a flat tone. “It will take everything away from you, and you’ll constantly search to replace it with something new, and it will take that from you too.” She met his gaze again, brown eyes searching his gray ones, and her voice grew heated and authoritative. She’d always been too passionate about her beliefs, and never restrained enough for the culture she’d grown up in. But Bianca had long since grown tired of pretending that that exact fire inside her didn’t drive everything she did.

“But we have to keep trying anyway. It’s the human condition, the human curse. We have no other choice but to stand again and keep trying. I stopped fighting, for a while. I thought I could accept that I didn’t have anything left for the world to take from me, but wasn’t it you who told me that the best of life was still ahead of me?” Bianca shifted only the barest bit closer to Felix again, face serious as she spoke. “I’ve decided to listen to you…and you should too. Stop finding reasons to be unhappy. Stop looking at the worst that life has to offer. Find the reason to keep fighting, instead. And then fight for it.” She didn’t know exactly what that meant for her, either. Her promotion at the Ministry was not an end in and of itself, but only a means to achieve whatever she would ultimately set out to do. They both had a period of grave reflection ahead of them, although not one that could be helped along by anyone else.

Occlumency. Bianca had almost forgotten why he had come here – not for an apology, not for an intense philosophical discussion, but for a concrete skill that would help him. She sighed slightly, although Felix’s uncertain question elicited a small snort from her. “Sitting there is a start,” she said dryly, voice gaining a sarcastic edge as she considered him. “But you should already be forming your mental defenses,” she chided, “Take your memories, the ones that matter most, and protect them. Keep them close, wrap them in a layer of calm certainty. Occlumency isn’t about erasing your emotions, it’s about mastering them.” Sustained eye contact with Felix was still hard – the emotions were so sharp, the memories lingered near the surface of her mind. But she was disciplined, and her wand was already in her hand as Bianca tilted Felix’s chin up and stared deep into his contemplative eyes. “It should help that you know me so well,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, “To feel my intrusion and push me out." Then she spoke the enchantment before she could dig into exactly what she had said. "Legilimens.”

FELIX CICERO TELLER

[FELIX CICERO TELLER]

Bianca's firm and stoic display began to show cracks, as surely as Felix felt uncertain about the uncharted territory they were entering. For a brief moment, Felix wished none of this had happened at all - that would be easier than dealing with the pain of loss. But Felix swallowed that feeling, and fixed Bianca with a steely gaze. She had forced him to visit ghosts of his past and what exactly had made him so nihilistic. It had started with a simple question - or so he had thought. What had been her idea of paradise? Had it changed from that initial conversation into something different now? Felix knew that his had - even without the introduction of Melody in his life, he knew his idea of paradise involved Bianca, challenging his world view and forcing him to delve deeper into his mind than he ever had bothered to before.

For a long moment, Felix said nothing. Then, wringing his hands in his lap, Felix admitted to finding ways to keep himself miserable. He didn't know why he did it - was life really so bad? He offered a reluctant chuckle at Bianca's observation that life was in fact miserable. "Then what's the point? Why keep searching when you know ultimately you will fail? You will eventually die and there will be nothing more to it. Eventually your bones will crumble to ashes and settle into the Earth. If each day is the chore, why do we do it at all?" He blew out a breath, his shoulders slumping. "It's not even an argument anymore, you know? It's just like... there doesn't need to be a meaning to it. It just is. I hate that," he admitted in a small voice. "I just want it all to be for something."

Bianca shifted closer to Felix, having reminded him of the words he had said to her what felt like a century ago. There was a whiff of her shampoo, something subtle and completely defining of Bianca. Felix chewed on his lip, scanning Bianca's face. "I did say that," he acquiesced. "I want to fight. But I don't know what for. And in the end... we will always fail," he replied slowly, meeting her intense gaze with his own. He reached out, placing his hand on Bianca's briefly before withdrawing it, wondering if he had crossed a line in the sand. "What is worth fighting for?" he asked in a very small voice.

Felix cleared his throat and shifted away from Bianca. He hadn't really noticed how close to her he had gotten, but the space between them grew, the tension that hung in the air dissipating. He made a dark comment about having bared his soul to Bianca, who was likely the only person in the world to whom he could be so frank. He nodded, swallowing thickly at her directive. He imagined a mental wall, hiding those memories he cherished so deeply. Of his first glimpse of the northern lights, of the time he fell out of his window when trying to get closer to the stars, of the feeling that seared through him at the first touch of Bianca's lips. He closed his eyes for a moment, forming that wall, then opened them again. Bianca was staring hard into his face, and it was incredibly difficult for him to maintain the wall. Surely she would break through - and she would see herself. But there was no stopping her now, he thought as he tried to fortify the wall as she spoke quietly.

At first, Felix didn't feel much. Then, slowly, carefully, a tendril of Bianca's mind snaked into his mind. He focused hard on the mental wall, of a fortress that was impenetrable. It worked - for only a moment though. As a practiced expert, it seemed Bianca knew the weaknesses in his wall. A gentle amount of pressure, just in the right spot... as if she had sensed the presence of sameness on both sides of the wall. Felix couldn't help but recall waking up to her that first morning. The sunlight slanting through the window, the way the warm morning glow lit her face, their bodies tangled together even from sleep. The surge of affection that had rushed through him as he had brushed a lock of hair away from her face, admiring her as she slept. Of the kisses he had trailed in the wake of his fingers, bringing her back to consciousness slowly and luxuriously. Felix felt a flush of heat at the memory - this wasn't right though. He had bungled their non-relationship, and now she was intruding on just how he had felt. Without his permission, his mind flashed to weeks later, another time that they had been together. He had admired the way she laughed, the brightness of her eyes when usually she was so serious. Felix remembered wanting to elicit that laugh every day, just to feel the shiver that had run through him in that very moment.

"Stop... stop..." he muttered, mostly to himself. Felix remembered he was supposed to be forcing Bianca out, but he had let her in too deep. "Protego!" he shouted without thinking, forcing her out magically rather than with his mind. He swore, his cheeks scarlet, and he rubbed his face. "Bianca... I..." but he didn't have a single excuse as to why those thoughts were so precious to him.

Bianca Alia Rivera