You should smell like dirt [Lulu]

[Deleted]

In the spring, at the end of every day, you should smell like dirt.
- Margaret Atwood

Herbology class.

Also known as The Bane of Zak's Existence class.

There were times when his classmates weren't sure if Zak was glaring at the plants and the professor or if his eyes were particularly swollen that day. By May, this became even harder to differentiate and more than once Zak had absolutely spat the dramatic dummy when he thought he was alone about the fact that he simply HAD to continue taking the class past his O.W.L.s. because... were the N.E.W.T.s really worth the hot, scratchy eyes or the wheezy breathing.

To an academic, yes. Yes, ​it was.

But did the American professor really have to do him so dirty as to stick him with Lulu the Loony? The corner of Zak's lip pulled into a barely discernable snarl as Professor O'Wankerface gave out the pairings for their Snargaluff lesson and he begrudgingly took his place in front of the gnarled magical root that Zak had chosen as theirs. Yep, that's right Zak, you celebrate your insignificant victories with your pointless choices. Hoo-rah.

"Right, Blishwick - are you paying attention?" Zak began, his unyielding stare turned on his partner for the day. "Please tell me you did the required reading on how we're meant to harvest these pods?" his tone implied that he didn't believe she would have.

lulu anne blishwick

[lulu anne blishwick]

Lulu hated that Professor O'Callaghan assigned partners for today's class. She always got paired up with the worst people. Today, she was paired up with a grumpy faced Zak Willowmoore. She was pretty sure he was doing this to torture her for talking in his class nonstop at this point.

Lulu was taking a moment of appreciation to stare at the back of Arlo Bletchley 's head from across the room. Admiring his broad shoulders, adorable big ears, and curls.... She was pulled from that nice moment by Zak's voice, who had asked her if was paying attention and if she had done her assigned reading on the Snargaluff. 

"Uh, yeah..." she lied with dreamy smile. Because he said 'please'. Truthfully, she fell asleep the night before in bed reading it and she skimmed the information a couple of minutes ago before seating assignments were announced. She started to pull on the long gloves that were provided, "We gotta wrangle the angry stumps vines, collect  the pods, and extract the...pus." she said slowly, ending with a full body shiver and grossed out face. She didn't want to find out what this plant smelled like. 

Lulu shrugged, feigning nonchalance, "How hard could it be?" she asked stupidly, sometimes she was too confident for her own good. She honestly just wanted to get it over with.

@zakariya

[Deleted]

At the moment the plant looked pretty ordinary to Zak. Granted it was not a picturesque garden stump that one might sit on around a campfire for family bonding time ... but it hadn't tried to kill them yet so he would have to agree with his partner's awfully laid back response. How hard could it be? indeed.

"Do you think you can keep your eyes on the plant for five full minutes or will you be distracted by some shiny object while we're extracting the pods?" he asked Lulu as he followed suit with pulling on his own pair of long gloves. They felt tight around his fingers and he wondered for a brief moment if they were a size too small before they magically adjusted. He flexed his fingers a couple of times, just to make sure that he had the full required dexterity. "I'm not risking a trip to the Hospital Wing because you're busy trying to discuss what happened on the weekend rather than focusing on handling the tendrils."

Zak had a feeling it would be safer for them both if Lulu did the extraction while he handled the vines. If she annoyed him too much with idle chit-chat, as she was want to do over the past six years of being a Hogwarts student, then he'd let her feel the pain of an angered Snargaluff just to teach her a lesson. It would be almost irresponsible of him if he didn't leave her to experience the consequence of Slytherin arrogance and unfounded pride in her own abilities to handle a dangerous plant.

lulu anne blishwick

[lulu anne blishwick]

Herbology was a class Lulu had never excelled at but she got by. She enjoyed it more than most of her classes because she was technically outside and not sitting behind a desk. Lulu did well when she didn’t have to fidget in a quiet room.

Lulu realized Zak probably noticed her staring off into another dimension. Lulu blinked, unsure of how she felt about Zak’s tone. She decided she didn’t like it. Lulu shot Zak an icy look. She knew he didn’t like her. To be fair, he probably didn’t like many people. He seemed like to think he was better than everyone else.

Bobbing her head up and down at his question, she bit down on her lip, more to hold back from saying too much to him. ”Yes. I got this.” she nodded, hoping that if she said it out loud it would maybe come true. 

The purple haired snake cocked her head to the side at his snarky comment, ”Well, lucky for you, I have no intention of sharing with you.” she offered a sweet smile that melted into a scowl, holding back her typical conversation. Lulu didn’t want to waste precious energy on captain sour puss today. Not when she had quidditch things to worry about tonight. She shot an annoyed side glance at the stump. "Lets just get this over with." she insisted with an eye roll to the back of her skull. "Do you want to hold the vines or grab the pods?" Lulu asked quickly. If they focused on the said project maybe they could get along somehow. Unlikely.

@zakariya

[Deleted]

Hogwarts Academy for Witchcraft and Wizardry had many useful classes and yet lacked the one that Zakariya Shafiq Willowmoore needed the most: How to Care If People Like You Or Not 101. It might have made his partner's cold reaction to his belittling tone even register in his thoughts on this horribly hayfever affected day. Unfortunately for both Lulu and Zak, his regard for the girl only went so far as recognising her family name for its pureblood origins. Perhaps she was the cautionary tale that people whisper about, a product of the inbreeding that has occured over the years to keep magical familes "pure"? It would certainly explain the vacant smile she had had a moment ago, Zak reasoned.

When the girl confirmed that she's "got this", Zak let himself roll his eyes over towards the teacher. Would he lose terribly many house points if he left his partner to her incredibly arrogant delusions? After a moment of scrunching his nose up - it was starting to show redness now, though he'd managed this far to resist the urge to scratch at it - with indecision, he decided that no, O'whatshisname would get his scrote in a knot if Lulu did get strangled in class.

"Thank Merlin for small miracles," he finally replied, matching his partner's saccharine smile with one of his very own to show his delight at this turn of events. The young man should be congratulated because when he saw her eyes roll, Zak only just managed to control the urge to ask: Blishwick, when your eyes roll back like that do you see anything in that skull of yours? it was a struggle to keep that inside himself. In fact, it was so hard that he had to clear his throat for a moment... or perhaps it was the effects of springtime in the greenhouse, who knows?

"You're an ... adequate... Quidditch player, so I guess you have a passable reaction rate for the task of handling the vines," Zak decided after careful consideration of his partner's question. Of course, in Zak's mind everyone other than Ravenclaw were merely adequate players at the sport so Blishwick was tarred by the same brush. "Let's get this done. Over with."

With that, Zak put his hand near the plant's tubes and wait for a good ten seconds. The plant was as unmoving as it had been before, so despite the trepidation that made Zak's brow bead from sweat he pushed through and tried to grab a tube off the plant.

It did not go well.

lulu anne blishwick

P.S. Dez you have my permission to f*CK sh*t up on Zak as much as you'd like 😉

[lulu anne blishwick]

Lulu knew she'd have to do her best to keep her temper with her assigned partner today. Zak wasn't someone she spoke to to unless if she had to. His resting bitch face and snarky tone didn't exactly make him approachable on a day to day basis, nor did he wish to have that sort of encounter. Lulu may have been a spazz but she could read energy. The purple haired snake held a straight face, resisting the urge to throw dirt in his face from his backhanded compliment. Instead her wicked imagination would do for now.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." she agreed, not wanting to get into it with him yet. She adjusted the gloves in a huff. "I'll handle the vines, you've got the 'pulsating bulbs'...wicked." she repeated the game plan to him as if it were a quidditch play, ending with a clap.

Suddenly, her focus was ripped away from her crappy partner and the task assigned at hand when the sound of Arlo Bletchley 's laugh from across the room stole her attention. It was like a chorus of angels in a crowded room. A flicker of a smile danced across her face, but her head snapped back to Zak, and she gripped the gloves after a moment of bliss.

The purple haired snakes head tilted to the side before as she looked over the plant. She wasn't sure the best angle to go at it. She bit down on her lip, "So-" she reached for one of the limp vines, quickly bundling a couple in her hands and tying them in knots. As soon as she touched the plant, it came to life. The vines started to wiggle in her fingers and her confidence instantly faded. "Oh, fuck." she laughed nervously, eyebrows furrowing into a befuddled expression.

A small hole opened at the middle of the stump where the pulsating pods lived. Her eyes widened, more out of disgust. "Okay. Uh. Zak. Grab the-the things." she urged him quickly, yanking one of the thorn covered vines away from him, but a second vine wiggled out of her hand, wrapping around Zak's arm.

@zakariya

[Deleted]

One Merlin be damned lesson.

That's all this imbecile had to focus her solitary brain cells for was ONE SECOND.

Zak had made the decidedly less-than-genius decision to trust this snake could focus on their herbological studies and not hump the air like some bitch on heat for just long enough for him to grab a pulsating bulb {ugh even the words made his stomach lurch} but NO.

All too quickly a vine got the better of his "partner" - decidedly fast, really. Like... Suspiciously fast. Later on, in the hospital wing with nothing but a searing rage to sustain him, Zak would have to decide if LuLu even had the brain power required to be part of a conspiracy to maim him. Right now though, Zak hardly had time enough to react with a fearful 'EEK!' escaping his lips (which he would later deny, by the way) as the vine took a strangle hold on the arm that had made an attempt to grasp at the bulbs.

His natural instinct to pull his arm away from the stump had nearly as disastrous a result: nothing happened. "Get! Off!" the boy squeaked, his voice box choosing now to have a wonderfully teenaged moment in front of a class full of onlookers. Zak panicked and this time put his full force behind yanking free his arm - this effort made the stump come clean off the shelf and straight at Zak's forehead.

At least that brought peace to the young student who had knocked himself clean out and flopped like his whole body had suffered a jelly-legged jinx onto the greenhouse floor.

The plant itself still worked on strangling his arm - the finger tips were turning a very strange shade of blue from its efforts.

lulu anne blishwick

[lulu anne blishwick]

Lulus face twisted into a funny expression at the squeak that came from Zak. Her eyebrows shot up and she was going to make fun of him, as he would her, usually, but he hit the floor with a thud. The tree stump following, straight into his face. She froze and stupidly watched as the plant grabbed onto Zak. Her first reaction wasn't to help him because she honestly didn't like the kid.

"Uhhh...." she stared down at Zak on the ground with wide saucers, speechless. The purple haired snake froze as she watched her partner, kicking the bottom of his shoe impatiently. He didn't move. "What the fu---Zak! Stop playin'!" Lulu yelled at him, not enjoying the joke. For once in the Blishwick life, she was telling someone else to stop joking around. 

Okay, maybe he wasn't kidding.. He was out cold.

Then, Lulu noticed his blue fingers. "Eww" she shuddered. Kicking the stupid stump as hard as she could, it made a cracking sound before a chunk of it went flying across the room onto another table. The entire display went unnoticed by Professor O'Callaghan because he was preoccupied with another needy student. "Zak.." she shook his shoulders vigorously, probably too hard for someone who was hit in the face with a stump. "Wake up!!" Lulu yelled in his face, snapping a few times.

@zakariya

[Deleted]

If Zak had been awake to see Lulu kick him, honestly it may very well have been the first time that Zak had been sent to the Head Mistress' office for poor behaviour in the six years of formal wizarding training. There would have been more hexes coming at the witch than she could even recall.... alas he was out pretty damned cold and totally defenceless.

Way to kick a boy while he's down, you hero, Lulu.

He woke to the thwack of Lulu's foot on the stump that had a death grip on his arm but he was groggier than Alfie would eventually be the day after the Windsor Christmas Party. When Lulu grabbed onto his shoulders to violate his person once again, Zak's eyes shot open and he took in a sharp, deep breath. "Merlin! Get off me!" the boy tried to move his arm to push Lulu away from him but realised that his arm was limp next to him, heavily dead with no ability to move even if it was to shove a girl off out of his personal space. "I can't move my arm," he squeaked, the panic causing his voice to crack once again. He used his other arm to push himself to sitting and attempted to rest his back against a cupboard and shrink against it. "Just... just leave me alone," Zak shrunk into his robes and nursed his arm. There were painful tingles of feeling coming back and he would do his darnedest not to have Lulu see him so vulnerable like this.

lulu anne blishwick

[lulu anne blishwick]

Okay, maybe she shouldn't have kicked him. She was starting to realize it as he started to wake up again, looking very confused with blue fingers and a limp arm. Her tense expression softened, eyebrows furrowing as she looked down at him. The boy shrank pathetically on ground against the cabinet. Her eyes darted around the classroom, she wasn't sure if she should draw more attention on them by hailing Professor O'Callaghan.

Lulu fell to her knees, "Zak," she grumbled, her annoyance started to fade when she saw the look on his face and his voice cracked. Now she felt bad. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt anyone or make them feel inferior, that was her housemates' job. Sighing dramatically, "Yeah, sure, I'll leave you alone here to wallow in self pity." she told him sarcastically with an eyeroll, her annoyance temporarily returning because she didn't like to feel like their current problems were blamed on her.

The purple haired snake reached out to offer a hand, "C'mon, get up before everyone sees you wallowing on the ground..." she ordered between her teeth, playing it off cool, though the Snargaluff was still going wild behind them. Her eyes noticed the gross blueish tint to his fingers and the dangling arm as he clutched it, "-Or do you want me to grab O'Callaghan?" she finally asked in a softer tone, not quite ready to draw the unwanted attention on them. Though she had a feeling like he'd make his way to their workstation eventually, considering the ruckus they had made.

@zakariya