are you ten years ago | sarah

[sarah jane oliveira]

January 2025

"You're not going to leave again, are you?"

Sarah didn't think that she had been that convincing, and she expected Evelyn's watery eyes to be from anger towards her. They weren't, though; she had actually managed to make Evelyn cry… because she loved her.

"N-No," she answered Evelyn, doing what she could to keep up the façade. She really wasn't going to leave, at least not until her work for Elaine was done. After that, she would have to see and couldn't make any promises, but making over her image was a good start at setting up whatever she wanted from that point forward. "I meant coming back here specifically, instead of… staying somewhere else. That's all," Sarah explained. It was an easy enough correction. "I don't want to live at home with Mum and Dad forever." She still needed to have an actual conversation with them about where she needed to go from there. At least she would have an income soon and didn't have to figure that out, but she knew that she didn't want to be living there when Evelyn was back from Hogwarts next.

"Somewhere large enough for Sebastian would be nice," she continued almost shyly. That wasn't completely untrue; she wanted her son back, ideally without interference from Ares. "It… probably won't happen soon," she added, bringing the hopefulness back down a notch, "but someday."

evelyn rhea oliveira

[evelyn rhea oliveira]

The pressure of this life is so

You can't be held accountable

January 2025
sarah jane oliveira

Evelyn didn’t realize how she had sounded or had she intended to use that tone of voice. But it just had come out. It was what she felt and what she feared. As she stood there, waiting for an answer, Evy felt a tear roll down her cheek, and she wiped it away aggressively. She was angry that she was upset and angry that her brother was dead and angry that her sisters weren’t telling her the truth, and angry that Sarah could just stand here and act like it wasn’t all true. For now, Evy managed to hold back the tears. She’d wait until she was alone in her room like she always did.

”Right…” She felt a little silly. Of course, Sarah didn’t want to live here, she was an adult, and Merlin knew that Mina and Callisto had both left when they could, and truth be told, Evelyn had never quite adjusted to the quietness of the house. Crossing her arms again, she hunched over a little bit and even stepped back. It was a lot for her. These past weeks had been a lot of emotional weight for the youngest Oliveira. There was a pause, and Evelyn could have easily turned around and left, but she couldn’t move from her spot at that moment. ”Sarah I—“ She swallowed or tried to as her throat was suddenly dry. ”I overheard Callisto and Mina talking…” Or arguing instead, but if Evy had uncrossed her arms and looked at her hands, she would have noticed she was trembling. ”Is it true?” Her voice lowered, and she looked at her sister with the same watery eyes she had tried to stop before. It had been weeks, but Ev would be back at school soon and kicking herself for never knowing for sure. She needed to know even if it wouldn’t help.

template by vee

[sarah jane oliveira]

January 2025

Evelyn wiped at her eyes but remained where she was. She seemed to realize that she wouldn't be losing her to prison again, yet she mentioned having overheard Mina and Callisto talking. And then she lowered her voice as though there were some secret that Mina and Callisto had brought up between themselves. "Is it true?" Evelyn asked, once again wide-eyed and looking even more like she might start sobbing.

Sarah wasn't sure what Evelyn was wanting to know, and she didn't explain what she had meant by her question, either. Knowing Mina and Callisto, they could have been talking about just about anything, unfortunately. Was there something that even she didn't know? That was totally possible, and Sarah knew that neither of their other sisters were her biggest fans. They probably had talked about her behind her back while she was in prison. In fact, Sarah was sure that they had. And why wouldn't they have talked badly about her? She was supposed to have been in Azkaban for much longer than she had been, and it wasn't as though she had ever been the golden child of the family.

"What were they saying?" Sarah asked Evelyn, making sure to lower her voice as she had just done. Whatever it was, Evelyn obviously thought it was pretty bad, but it wasn't bad enough that she had left the room.

evelyn rhea oliveira

[evelyn rhea oliveira]

The pressure of this life is so

You can't be held accountable

January 2025
sarah jane oliveira

There was a simultaneous feeling that learning about her brother was all so fresh, yet it felt like so long ago that her parents sat her down to break the news. It was confusing. If the perpetrator had been a stranger, it would be easy to channel all her anger—but from what she had overheard, it wasn’t a stranger. Sarah asked for clarification, but Evelyn didn’t answer right away. Her eyes landed on Dakoda’s perfectly placed stuff again. Dammit, it hurt. It hurt to think that she’d never heard his voice again, or his laugh or whatever thing he was picking on one of his sisters about.

”Sh—they said that—um.” Evy stopped. Her throat felt tight. It had been a shock to hear it the first time, but Evy had never said it out loud herself. In hindsight, she wished she had asked Mina when she had a moment, but now she was here with Sarah instead. ”That Dakoda…it was you.” Evelyn stared at the floor for a moment. There was a part of her that was still shocked, still deciding if she believed what her sisters had said. The other part wished it wasn’t true, then she could go back to being angry at the world and whatever circumstances had fractured her family. ”That you did something to him.” Evy couldn’t look at Sarah for that moment.

template by vee

[sarah jane oliveira]

January 2025

"…That you did something to him."

All of the thoughts that Mina and Callisto could have been conspiring against her somehow faded as Evelyn made her point clearer. She didn't know that that was why she had been in prison. It was almost endearing that the youngest of her siblings was still that sheltered. Did Evelyn think that she had gone to Azkaban for shoplifting or something? Sarah's curiosity nearly got the better of her there, but she stopped herself from asking Evelyn what she thought she'd been in Azkaban for if not for killing their brother.

Instead of that show of incredulity that would have lost her any favor that she had managed to gain with Evelyn, Sarah nodded slowly. She didn't feel compelled to lie, not when that could come back to haunt her as soon as Evelyn was back with her peers at Hogwarts. They would know what had happened, and obviously some of them would have some idea of what her sister had been locked up for. Sarah knew that she didn't need Evelyn to hear that from some teenage brat.

Looking down again, Sarah covered her face with her hands, knowing that doing so would also keep her from starting to laugh. She really couldn't believe that no one had been honest with Evelyn. Then again, she was the baby of the family. She was plenty old enough not to be coddled that heavily—and surely she felt that way, too. From that angle, it was another way of ingratiating herself with her teenage sister, Sarah considered.

"That's why I was in prison, Ev," Sarah answered truthfully, though she maintained the outward appearance of being upset by what she'd done. It was a shame that she had had to kill her own brother; she didn't deny that in any case, yet she know that she would have to seem much more remorseful around Evelyn. She swallowed and rubbed at her face a couple of times, looking up again. "I—" she began, trying to gauge exactly where her emotions needed to be. "He… He would have hurt me," she told Evelyn almost breathlessly. That much was true and wasn't any different from what she had said in court. He was going to go to the authorities anyway. She had done what she had needed to do to protect herself, something that was easier to spin for her own benefit without Dakoda there. "I had to defend myself. I didn't even have a wand. I—" she pleaded, listening as her own voice cracked. She hadn't been able to use a wand then, so her options had been limited. Like a Squib.

evelyn rhea oliveira

[evelyn rhea oliveira]

The pressure of this life is so

You can't be held accountable

January 2025
sarah jane oliveira

Finally, her eyes trailed up to see Sarah’s reaction if she had one. Maybe she had crossed some line for asking. Would Sarah be angry at the allegations? Would she leave then? Evelyn knew it was a risk to ask, but she just had to know. Her sister nodded and then put her face in her hands. Evy felt frozen in her spot. Merlin. It was true. The part of her that hoped it wasn’t felt as though it had died. Suddenly, she wished she had never asked—not knowing had been so blissful compared to the pain she felt now. But then Sarah spoke again. Was she trying to offer some explanation?

Evy felt like she was in a bit of a daze now, so many thoughts trying to process simultaneously. But then a twist, and as a tear rolled down her face, she just stared back. What? ”What?” The words escaped her mouth before she could stop herself. Evy’s brow furrowed. She felt confused. It didn’t make sense, but who did she believe? ”No that doesn’t—but why would he do that?” It went against every image and everything she knew about her brother. Evy’s arms crossed tighter, more tears came. ”B-but Ophelia and Dakoda and the baby—“ Evelyn paused again, suddenly remembering the other tid bit of that conversation she’d overheard.

”Sarah I don’t understand…” Ophelia had lost the baby, the niece or nephew she was supposed to have gained. A cousin for Sebastian. They hadn’t told her either. Her heart sunk further into her chest as she realized there was so much of the story she was not privy to. Like she walked around, unable to enter a fog, but everybody else was allowed to go in. Denial turned into more hurt. Mina had wanted to tell her, but Callisto had stopped her, and obviously, her parents were not going to. Evy shook her head, taking a couple steps back as if to retreat but then she stopped. ”Why didn’t anyone tell me?” She muttered, just staring at the floor now. What else didn’t she know about her brother and sisters?

template by vee

[sarah jane oliveira]

January 2025

Sarah thought that Evelyn looked and sounded almost as though she had just taken a Stunner to the chest. "What?" she asked in disbelief as Sarah told her side of what had happened—or at least the version of events that she wanted her youngest sister to hear. She was shocked at the thought that Dakoda, their own brother, could have done anything that might have hurt her. Though it might not have played out precisely as Sarah retold it to Evelyn, she knew that Evelyn had bought it as she kept her arms crossed defensively, tears in her eyes.

She didn't understand, she said after mentioning that Ophelia had lost her unborn baby. The frustration that Evelyn was displaying wasn't towards her, though, Sarah realized as she maintained her act; it was at everyone else who hadn't been truthful with her about what had really happened between her and Dakoda. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Her voice still quavering a little, Sarah shook her head and waited a moment to make eye contact with her sister again. "Maybe… Mum and Dad thought you weren't old enough to understand…?" she suggested, trying to be helpful. It wasn't as though she had been home to know what actually had been running through their heads at the time, and it was clear that Evelyn hadn't actually received the real story from anyone. Not even Mina or Callisto had sat her down and done it, which was a bit of a surprise to Sarah. Whatever the case, she would take it. "I— I-I don't know, Evy… I don't know what to say. I'd've thought—"

evelyn rhea oliveira

[evelyn rhea oliveira]

The pressure of this life is so

You can't be held accountable

January 2025
sarah jane oliveira

A wave of anger bubbled up in her chest next to the weight of her grief. At this point, she couldn’t hold back the tears. The combination of emotions made it impossible now. As Evy felt some escape from one eye, she angrily and quickly wiped it away with her sleeve. She was tired of being treated like a child. And especially when it affected all of them as a family. ”They didn’t tell me until I was home from school. Dad said it was an accident…” It didn’t entirely make sense. Unless they had lied to her so Evy would never know the reason her brother was dead was because of her sister.

Evy’s mind raced, and that ringing had come back to her ears for a moment. More than anything, she just felt angry now. ”I’m not a child.” She finally spoke, though to nobody in particular. ”He was my brother too…” The last words came out as a whisper, and Evy took another step back so she could lean on the bare wall near the door frame. And after a moment, she slid down to the floor. It was exhausting when her mind ran in circles like this while trying to figure out an answer.

[ end evy ]

template by vee

[sarah jane oliveira]

January 2025

Evelyn had begun to cry again, more openly, but her words remained coherent. "They didn't tell me until I was home from school. Dad said it was an accident…"

That would have had to unravel quickly with her going to prison, Sarah thought, but that was their father's problem. She didn't have anything to do with that—or not the fact that the rest of the family had wanted to keep Evelyn in the dark. The prison stint was her doing, though she could have stayed on the run for longer had Elaine not wanted eyes and ears on the inside of Azkaban.

"I'm not a child." Evy sounded more upset than before, and what she said after that was only as a whisper. "He was my brother too…" Sarah watched as Evelyn backed up to lean against the doorframe, which she then slid down until she was in a seated position, still in tears.

In theory, Sarah knew that the right thing to do would be to comfort her sister, but she felt incredibly uncomfortable doing that. Not really being able to leave her there to cry it out, however, she knelt down beside Evelyn.

evelyn rhea oliveira
Fin!