Rearrange The Stars [Xiulan]

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

4 April 2026

It’s the right thing to do, Bianca reminded herself as she stood uncertainly in Xiulan’s living room. Not only was it the right thing to visit, but the logical one too. Everything with Yrisle had started with this woman, after all, and her prophecy after she had collapsed in the middle of the Atrium. Bianca also understood that the High Druid had been in contact with Xiulan after the fact, and had invited her to Hy-Brasil to continue their research into the island and how to best tackle the problem. That was where Bianca had come in as well – shipping Ministry archives and sources on Merlin so that Fae could continue her research on Merlin’s staff and the future role it might play in solving at least one of her problems. Following-up was important, because the strict measures Bianca had taken since February to shut down access to the island was hardly a good solution, and certainly not a permanent one. Something had to be done, though, and Bianca would prefer to know sooner rather than later what their next steps should be.

So that was why she was here, in an official sense. Status report on Xiulan’s visit to Hy-Brasil, what she may or may not have uncovered there, and how it related to Bianca’s activities in the meantime (her blood boiled at the thought of asking Rhys for help, but it had needed to be done). Moving away from the professional element, however…Bianca uneasily studied the various Divination tools that were scattered around the flat. Xiulan had gone off to fetch some tea from the kitchen, leaving Bianca to uncomfortably examine her surroundings. The flat was luxurious, there was no doubt about that, and Bianca could be sure it was well-protected too. Still, she felt uneasy, because Divination had always seemed…spooky. Bianca had never taken any classes on it, since Divination wasn’t a required subject for Auror programs, so all she really knew was what she’d seen on TV in Muggle programs.

It seemed impossible to think that any of this could actually be real, but Bianca had long since learned that most types of magic were possible, and that some suspension of disbelief was required. She studied the crystal ball, narrowing her eyes as she peered inside and tried to see something amidst all the fog. It didn’t look any different than a movie prop would, so she moved away after a few moments of silent contemplation. She was in the middle of examining an unusual looking artifact (even after a full minute, Bianca couldn’t figure out what it was or how it could be used), but jumped slightly as Xiulan reentered the room. Clearing her throat, Bianca crossed her arms as if to deny that she had been startled at all. “I don’t understand Divination,” she admitted honestly, taking a step away from the strange artifact. “It seems impossible to know what will happen next. But Fae is convinced you have the gift. I suppose there’s a room full of witnesses to confirm that too.” She shrugged slightly, but still sounded skeptical.

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

Beyond Fae herself, there were others with knowledge of the situation with Yrisle, as the island that had appeared was called. Bianca Rivera, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, might not have seemed to be a likely ally, but it turned out that she was among them. Understandably, Bianca wanted to know more about what she had learned from her visit to Hy-Brasil, and Xiulan felt that it would be a good opportunity to meet Bianca and try to ensure that the two of them and Fae were all three on the same page.

Xiulan knew that Bianca was visiting her flat in a professional capacity, though she was well aware that the woman was taking up her free time on a weekend to speak with her about her time on Hy-Brasil. Having offered Bianca tea when she had arrived, she was nearly finished preparing it in the kitchen. Those few minutes had also doubled as time to think over everything that had happened on Hy-Brasil and what Fae felt needed to be done next. Truthfully, Xiulan didn't know how much more she and her Inner Eye would be of use, but Fae's trust in her kept her from excusing herself from everything completely.

When she walked back over to the sitting room with the teapot levitating beside her, the first thing that Xiulan heard was Bianca's mentioning that she didn't understand divination as she looked at her luopan, one of the many objects she had acquired for the purposes of her work. "It seems impossible to know what will happen next," Bianca added, clearly aware that she was back in the room. "But Fae is convinced you have the gift. I suppose there’s a room full of witnesses to confirm that too."

To keep herself from dropping the teapot, Xiulan set it upon the table in the center of the room as calmly as she could. It was rare that she had to prove her Inner Eye to anyone anymore, and she had never known how best to approach the subject. Even though she didn't show it, it resurfaced old memories of her time at school and the torture that she had been put through as a child. "Respectfully, Madam Rivera," Xiulan started, "not understanding something doesn't negate its existence." She hadn't been born with her knowledge of how to use her Inner Eye and make sense of it, either, but that didn't change that she had an ability that many others did not that wasn't learned. "I don't know how to prove to you that my Inner Eye is real," she continued, "unless you want me to take Veritaserum." She had no reservations about doing that, if Bianca felt that going to such extremes would be worthwhile, because she knew that she wasn't lying. Divination wasn't an easy subject, and her understanding of it was out of necessity than anything. It had to be, when it was embedded into her very being.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

It was probably for the best that Xiulan had returned with the tea, because Bianca was feeling fidgety around all the Divination items and didn’t quite know what to do with herself. In tense moments like these, she often found herself returning to self-soothing habits, and was probably only a minute away from turning to scrutinize the security measures around the flat. Checking the enchantments on the door, testing the windows to ensure the locks worked…it was an odd habit, had gotten a stare or two in the past, and Bianca was doing her best to break it. Still…they were living in troubled times, and it helped calm her anxiety to know she had done everything possible to stay safe. She called it caution, some of her old coworkers might call it paranoia, but every Auror was paranoid to a certain extent. It couldn’t be helped when you routinely worked with and against the worst of humanity.

Bianca couldn’t help but smile slightly at Xiulan’s defensive answer about her abilities – she must be used to being cross-examined by all kinds of wizards who doubted she could do what she claimed. A few months ago, Bianca would have become instantly defensive as well, but…things were going well for her. Recent meetings with Fae and Rhys had reminded Bianca that she wasn’t alone in her endeavors, and that the weight of the Ministry didn’t rest solely on her shoulders. And her personal life had been turbulent, was still turbulent, but she was allowing herself to be hopeful for the first time in years. The subject of Divination made Bianca tense, but she herself didn't feel so wound-up anymore. Xiulan pointed out that things didn’t cease to exist only because they weren’t understood, and Bianca put some careful distance between her and the strange artifact before responding.

“I’m very aware,” she said in a measured tone, “or the Muggle world wouldn’t exist, would it?” Bianca made a slight ‘tsk’ at the observation. It never ceased to amaze her how clueless wizards could be about their non-magical neighbors. There were stereotypes – the purist ideology some magical circles would have everyone believe – but there were just as many wizards with good intentions that didn’t know even the basics about Muggles. Xiulan had set the teapot on a table in the center of the room, probably where she sat with her clients, and Bianca cautiously approached. “You don’t have to prove anything,” Bianca responded immediately, “What we’re trying to do will only work if there’s a measure of trust between us, and that can’t be done with Veritaserum.” Bianca hovered by the table, unwilling to take a seat until Xiulan offered. She wasn’t a client, but wasn’t here in a professional capacity either -- in fact, she was taking what little time she had away from the Ministry to visit Xiulan. It was important to her to establish that, but offending the Seer didn’t seem the right way to start. “I suppose it’s just easier for me to pretend Divination is an unproven branch of magic. I’ve only gotten to where I am because I have to believe that the future isn’t set in stone. What’s the point in fighting if it’s all been decided already?”

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

Bianca mentioned the Muggle world as an example of something else that couldn't be negated through misunderstanding, and Xiulan knew that that was true for plenty of magical people. The building in which she lived was a Muggle one, so she had a slightly better understanding of how Muggles lived. Even so, she didn't socialize with them and kept to herself.

The other woman seemed ill at ease inside her flat, Xiulan noticed as Bianca approached the table, but Bianca told her that she didn't have to prove anything. "What we're trying to do will only work if there’s a measure of trust between us," she said, "and that can't be done with Veritaserum."

That was probably true for most people, Xiulan thought, but she wasn't opposed to taking it. She had been through far worse, though she opted to drop the subject of the Veritaserum instead. It was better not to talk about the Dark Arts if she didn't have to.

"I suppose it's just easier for me to pretend Divination is an unproven branch of magic," Bianca continued, still standing around. "I've only gotten to where I am because I have to believe that the future isn't set in stone. What's the point in fighting if it's all been decided already?"

Xiulan didn't have a concrete answer for her, but she shook her head slightly and motioned towards the chair nearest to Bianca. "Please," Xiulan urged her, still not entirely sure what to make of Bianca's thought processes. She knew that it would have been easy for her to use the same argument as justification for giving up when she had been a student, yet she hadn't given up. Merlin, she hadn't known that Aloysius would die as young as he had, but it led her to question if she would have continued to marry him if she had known sooner. "Can I get you anything else?" she offered Bianca cautiously, trying to make her more comfortable. Xiulan wasn't sure what was at the root of the other woman's concerns, but she could sense her pessimism about what the future might hold.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

It was too easy to get caught up in her own thoughts sometimes. That had never been a problem until a few years ago – her father’s death had sent her into a downward depressive spiral, questioning all the grand assumptions she’d made about life and what was owed to people. Bianca had begun to retreat into herself, and it was only too common to get lost in her thoughts. She found herself questioning her decisions a lot these days, wondering if her judgment was good or if she was thinking about things all wrong. Either way, Bianca needed to control herself. She’d never been good at sharing details about herself, until those rare moments where it seemed to escape her in a rush. She shook her head slightly and finally took a seat at the table.

Xiulan seemed to have everything all laid out, and she moved to pour the tea with an expert precision that told Bianca volumes about her level of comfort in doing what she did. It was an odd profession, but truthfully Xiulan’s whole lifestyle was rather odd. Bianca had understood from Fae that the woman rarely left her flat, and didn’t see people much outside of her clients. The trip to Hy-Brasil was only more unusual in that it broke the pattern, but then again – that only highlighted how important it was. How important it was to finally tackle the island and solve the problem once and for all. It was reassuring to see that Bianca wasn’t the only one taking it seriously. Xiulan asked if Bianca wanted anything else, and Bianca wordlessly shook her head as she lifted the tea cup gingerly. She wasn’t much of a tea person – coffee was her vice – but it was usual to have tea at Ministry meetings so Bianca had gotten used to it.

She took a sip, then set the cup down on the table. “Before we start,” Bianca began, referring to the inevitable conversation that was coming about Hy-Brasil and everything Fae and Xiulan might have learned there. “I have a rude question for you. If I were home, I would have asked already. But, the British…well.” Brits were so concerned about being polite and following proper protocols that they often beat around the bush instead of piercing straight to the heart of an issue. It was different in Latin America – people were much more involved in each other’s lives, and much less afraid to be perceived as rude or nosy. Bianca cast her eyes around the flat, before they settled on the crystal ball that was perched ominously some feet away on the table. “Is this the kind of life you wanted for yourself? It seems difficult to break out of patterns, once you’ve found yourself in one.” She was talking a little about herself too, and the radical changes she’d gone through since first arriving in the UK a decade earlier. But Bianca was curious about what sort of person Xiulan was, and studying the other woman gave her the early observation that she didn’t have many people in her life either.

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

Xiulan seated herself after pouring Bianca's tea but was prepared to get up again when Bianca started in with, "Before we start…"

Not a moment later, Bianca explained outright that she had a rude question for her. Xiulan wasn't sure how to take that, especially when most people didn't preface their questions by mentioning that they were rude questions. "If I were home," added Bianca, "I would have asked already," though she blamed her not having asked on the British. (Presumably, it was the British tendency towards a sort of skirting around problems combined with an unfailing politeness that Bianca was referencing.)

Without knowing what the question was, Xiulan kept listening. Bianca looked around at her flat, not speaking for a short time. When she did speak, the question was maybe slightly surprising, but it wasn't one that Xiulan felt was "rude", per se. It could have been far worse. "Is this the kind of life you wanted for yourself?" Bianca asked her. "It seems difficult to break out of patterns, once you’ve found yourself in one."

At first, Xiulan remained silent, unsure of how to answer. "It's… different," she admitted. It wasn't what she wanted, but she felt that she was making the best of it. "I was widowed about four years ago," she added. She could function without Aloysius and made herself seem even more functional than she knew that she really was, but it was challenging. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone." It was only because Bianca held the role that she did that Xiulan then continued. "I left Macao because I feared for my safety there," she stated as plainly as she could. "And I consider myself to be living in exile."

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

There must be something special about Xiulan’s tea, Bianca decided, because English tea did not live up to this standard. Without wanting to seem too eager, Bianca lifted the cup to her lips again to take a long sip of the spiced tea, the bright flavors cutting through her palette. British cuisine was so mild, absolutely nothing like the dishes Bianca had grown up with in Chile, and she missed the punch of the spices and the flavor of maté. This tea was close, but then again…she didn’t usually like reminders of home. Bianca battled with the conflicting emotions and before she’d even noticed, had drained half the cup. She set her teacup down eventually, wanting to fully absorb Xiulan’s answer, since her question had been blunt but Bianca was curious to see how she took it.

But she wasn’t expecting that, and her mouth flattened in sympathy at Xiulan’s admission that she was a widow. That certainly qualified as not being the life she expected to have. Bianca studied the other woman with a fresh perspective, searching for signs of stress in her eyes or regret in her body language. Bianca had never been married, and in all truth had never come close to the milestone. It was always a theoretical in her life – something she wanted, but had never been in the right situation to concretely consider. But she knew what loss was, and how that could irreversibly change a life. Her face, usually set in a neutral expression, morphed into surprise before she could control herself as Xiulan continued. Danger in Macao, a life of exile. It wasn’t what she had expected, and as the Head of Law Enforcement…not what she would have wanted to hear. “So you never leave your flat,” Bianca concluded, steepling her fingers as her gaze moved from the crystal ball to Xiulan. She continued, her voice losing some of the hard edge she always seemed to have these days. “…because you’re afraid for your life, or because you miss him?”

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

More focused on her conversation with Bianca than on the tea, Xiulan wasn't expecting the follow-up question that Bianca posed to her. "So you never leave your flat," she asked, "because you're afraid for your life, or because you miss him?"

It wasn't the grief itself that had put her in her current position, but not having Aloysius there beside her to help her manage things made life harder than it had been before he was killed. It was more accurately that she was fearful for her life but not necessarily because of the Chinese Ministry. Xiulan thought through her answer thoroughly before speaking, knowing that what she said or didn't say could have massive implications for her.

"It's complicated," she replied, while also knowing that it was of benefit to her and to Bianca that Bianca understood more of what she meant. "With my Inner Eye, I have fits," she explained to her. "Sometimes without warning. That was what happened at the Ministry in August." At home, she could handle them more easily, but in public? "If it happens in the wrong place or at the wrong time…" Xiulan's voice trailed, and she hoped that Bianca understood what she meant without saying as much.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca should have expected an answer like that. It’s complicated. Once upon a time, everything had seemed so simple to her. She missed her days at Castelobruxo, when everything had made sense and there had been a clear path in front of her that she only needed to follow. London had taught her, in all of the victories and tragedies she had passed through in the last decade, that life wasn’t simple. Anyone who thought so was only fooling themselves…and yet, she thought, there had to be something more to it that she was missing. Life couldn’t only be just pain, or it was a wonder that anyone thought it was worth living at all.

At Xiulan’s vague explanation, Bianca sighed slightly as she tried to understand. There were nuances of the magical world that she had yet to pick up, and there had never been much Divination in her life. Prophecies and Seers, crystal balls to see the future…she preferred more concrete answers than anything the tea leaves could tell her. She pursed her lips and steepled her fingers to process Xiulan’s situation. It was difficult, to be alone and confronted with such an enormous problem. Fits that couldn’t be controlled, a life she had left behind for fear of something. Bianca didn’t have answers, and that frustrated her. “I understand,” she said neutrally, although the statement was only half true. She tapped her fingers on the table before reluctantly picking up the teacup again. She couldn’t help herself, and drained the cup of its spices quickly. “But aren’t you tired of this?” She looked around at the luxurious flat. “We all have to live with the cages we build in our minds, the things we can’t break free of.” Bianca fixed Xiulan with an intent look. “If I can’t do anything about mine, at least let me help you with yours. We can find a solution.”

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

Bianca told her that she understood, although her manner remained very businesslike. After finishing her tea, though, she asked if she was tired of this. "This", by the context, was the way in which Xiulan had been living her life since Aloysius's murder. "We all have to live with the cages we build in our minds, the things we can't break free of." Xiulan knew that, too, in theory, but it was far easier said than done. Nevertheless, Bianca continued. "If I can't do anything about mine," she went on, "at least let me help you with yours. We can find a solution."

"I appreciate your offer, Madam Rivera," Xiulan told her sincerely, though she didn't know if she could take her up on it. She had nearly backed out of going to Hy-Brasil, even though it was the High Druid herself who had invited her there. "But I'm not looking for… solutions." She didn't want to put herself in that position of becoming a test subject of sorts.

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Now that she had finished her tea, Bianca fiddled with the teacup, idly tracing the flower pattern that decorated the handle. She wasn’t used to whatever…this was. The situations in her life could quite easily be put into boxes, and there was never much overlap between them. There was her work for the Ministry, that was quite easy to characterize. Tough, professional, concrete proposals only. There was the Order – more complicated, but which still required being the field agent that they needed to carry out successful missions. There was Leo, her closest friend, and their movie nights together, or the occasional night out drinking with him and Felix. Then there were her meetings with Cade late after work for…something that was neither for the Ministry nor the Order. But overall – nothing unclear. Only neat, clean boxes that stayed separate from each other.

Drinking tea with Xiulan and prying to figure out exactly what her problem was…well, it wasn’t why she had come here, and it didn’t have anything to do with the Ministry or Yrisle. It didn't fit cleanly into one of the boxes. But Bianca was unwilling to let it go immediately. She couldn’t be sure why, except that it felt like something her father might have done, or pushed her to do. He had always been so concerned about making life better for others, being a protector for everybody in his life, and he had tried hard to instill the right values in his daughter too. After his death, Bianca had been so desperate to forget about anything that reminded her of home, since it had felt like the only way to move on. But lately she had wondered if the only thing that had accomplished was erasing him completely from her life. That thought caused an uncomfortable shiver to roll down her spine, so Bianca refocused on Xiulan in front of her instead.

“Bianca,” she corrected, since Xiulan had now referred to her as ‘Madam Rivera’ twice. It was a formality she expected at work, but not when she was on her own time. She fixed Xiulan with a penetrating gaze, because the other woman insisted that she wasn’t looking for solutions. Then she sighed slightly and her posture lost some of its rigidity as she slouched back into her chair. “I wish you would. These last few years…I feel like I’ve lost myself. I always wanted to help people find their solutions. And I know who I used to be, and what I believed in, and I want to go back…but it seems impossible now.” Her mind was somewhere else, remembering what she had been like as a young Auror trainee with a strong sense of justice and what was right. Then there had been the accident at work…and then her Papa’s death. She’d spent a long time in the dark after that, struggling to remember why she kept fighting. It only felt like very recently that Bianca had realized she’d drifted from her original purpose, and she struggled now to find her way back to it. It had always been about helping people, but she wondered how many people she had truly helped the last few years, and how much of what she’d done had been solely for her. And here was somebody else in danger, and who she couldn’t help either. That was a difficult pill to swallow.

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

"Bianca," Bianca corrected her on her name, moving away from the use of her surname. She seemed more stressed at first and then looked as though she had forced herself to relax, sighing. "I wish you would," she then told her. "These last few years… I feel like I’ve lost myself. I always wanted to help people find their solutions. And I know who I used to be, and what I believed in, and I want to go back… but it seems impossible now."

Xiulan nodded. She understood, at least in part, what Bianca meant, although that hadn't been her own experience, exactly. While she had always desired to help other people, it was something that she hadn't been able to realize more fully until she was married. She and Aloysius had made a good team, and she had spent more of her working life than not in the world of philanthropy because of him. Xiulan knew that she was fortunate that she had the kind of money to live as she did and to continue to act as an anonymous donor to charitable causes where she could, and that made it all the stranger for her to hear Bianca worrying about her circumstances.

At the same time, she wanted to know more about what had led Bianca's thought process in the direction in which it seemed to be going. She was young, probably around Fae's age, and in one of the most highly regarded positions within the British Ministry of Magic. Obviously, she had worked her way up to where she was; Xiulan could tell by her approach that Bianca hadn't been shoved in the role by way of her connections alone.

After pausing to refill Bianca's tea, Xiulan spoke in a manner similar to how Bianca had asked her about why it was that she didn't leave her flat. "Bianca," she addressed her, making a point of using the younger woman's given name, "would you like to talk about it?"

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca winced slightly at Xiulan’s question. Did she want to talk about it? The answer that almost tore out of her mouth was ‘yes’, but she had to check herself. Her life didn’t allow much leeway when it came to admitting that she needed help. Aurors were expected to be independent, but Bianca wasn’t just an Auror anymore. She was the head of the largest department in the Ministry, and the youngest that had ever been appointed too. There were a lot of eyes on her, many waiting for her to fail, and Bianca was determined never to give them the opportunity. She had worked so hard, sacrificed her time and health and any semblance of a personal life to push forward. None of those facts were conducive to the idea of confiding in someone that sometimes she felt like she didn’t know what she was doing.

Wringing her hands slightly, Bianca accepted the teacup again when Xiulan moved to refill it. The Seer was quiet, but she was attentive and listening – no wonder, considering this was awfully close to what she did for a living. She didn’t speak much, but there was a heaviness in her gaze that suggested she had plenty of life experience, perhaps too much of it, and not many to speak with about it. Her situation sounded dangerous, and lonely. Bianca sighed slightly as she shrugged her shoulders. “It’s hard to find someone to talk to,” she admitted, staring into the cup before taking a long sip. Eye contact felt too difficult to aim for at the moment, and besides – as an accomplished Occlumens and Legilimens, Bianca knew how expressive the eyes could be. “I have a lot of people relying on me. They expect me to be solid all the time, even if I don’t feel it.”

Not just in the Ministry either. The Order of the Phoenix was an organization of exceptional people, but Bianca knew the unique role she played as the highest-ranking Ministry member involved. Whether at work or in her personal time…there was a lot riding on her ability to stay focused and deliver results. There was no room for fragility there. Yrisle was no different…most of the Ministry, including the Minister himself, wanted nothing to do with the island. Why would they, when the responsibility was so easily pushed to Law Enforcement and they could go on with their daily lives? Bianca felt like she was stumbling around in the dark, trying to find a solution that would protect the witches and wizards in her care and neutralize the island completely. And she knew the consequences of failure could be widespread if she and Fae didn’t succeed. “I’m worried,” she finally admitted, looking up to meet Xiulan’s gaze. “About what people will think about me, if they see me struggling. That I’ll just be proving them right about what I'm capable of.”

xiulan zhou

[xiulan zhou]

April 4, 2026

It was understandable that Bianca's reaction was to downplay what she was feeling. She said that it was hard to find someone to talk to—never mind that she was seated across from someone else who was asking if she wanted (or needed) to open up. "I have a lot of people relying on me. They expect me to be solid all the time, even if I don't feel it," Bianca expressed, looking down into her teacup.

It took her some time to look up, but when she did, she explained that she was worried. And not just that; she was worried about what people might think of her if they saw her struggling. "That I'll just be proving them right about what I'm capable of."

Xiulan drew her lips together and nodded. She could relate to that, particularly when she had been in school at the Lin Sòng, the most deceiving place in which she had ever set foot. She had been promised a top-notch education, easily among the finest in the world. What she had received, however, had been nothing short of torture, and it still haunted her to that day. It had been her first real taste of what other people were capable of doing when they felt that they had no limits placed on their behavior. Her fits, her Inner Eye, had made her even more of a target, not to mention that she couldn't stomach half of what she was expected to do to her peers. Even two decades later, she still couldn't think about it for long.

For the sake of saving face, she would have kept her experiences to herself, even if she could speak about them as openly as she desired. Instead, she was forced to sing the school's praises and mention how its graduates had gone on to accomplish such great things. It was easier not to bring it up and then try to dance around it, but Xiulan didn't want Bianca to think that she was being cold.

"Have some more tea," Xiulan offered her, smiling a little bit more to help ease Bianca's mind. She would have offered her a reading of some sort, too, but didn't want to worry her. "It's alright. I have time."

Bianca Alia Rivera

[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Both women were deep in thought, although Bianca couldn’t imagine what Xiulan might be thinking about. Her face was a mask, and she barely stirred as her eyes suggested she was far away – somewhere else, in the middle of some distant memory. On Bianca’s part, her mind was also racing with everything she’d already admitted to Xiulan and everything else she’d always wanted to say but never found the right context for. Bianca had always needed to be hard and unforgiving, because there needed to be someone steady to set the course. People tended to panic, after all, and that meant there was a need for someone tough to dictate what would happen next. She didn’t mind being that person, because it embodied the values she’d learned from her father all her life. Being a protector, a shield, dedicating your life to setting things right.

Bianca knew what she wanted – to be that kind of person, someone her father could be proud of and someone people knew they could rely on. But she didn’t know how to get there anymore. At Xiulan’s offer to drink a little more tea, Bianca automatically raised the cup to her lips and let herself be lost for a moment in the rich spices. When she set her cup down again, some of the tension had left her shoulders. It wouldn’t be accurate to say that she was relaxed, but this was such a unique opportunity. Xiulan seemed sincere when she offered to talk things through with Bianca, and that was so rare to find someone without any ulterior motives or an agenda. Even better, someone who didn’t want anything from her. Bianca absentmindedly brought her hand up to run her fingers through her hair as she thought deeply. When she spoke again, there was an underlying tone of doubt to her words.

“When I was young, my father always had one lesson or another for me. And I didn’t want anything else except to be just like him, so I listened. He told me that being good was the strongest force in the world, and that we owed a debt to other people to be good to them. He said to believe in the future that I wanted, and I could make it happen.” Bianca sighed and put her elbows on the table, slumping forward at the truths she never admitted to others. “I want to believe he’s right. I made this far, didn't I? He always thought I had the potential to become something. But he never got to see it. And everything I’ve seen of the world, everything I’ve seen as an Auror…I don’t know if I can believe that being good is enough, or that evil can be defeated. It sounds like it belongs in a fairytale more than real life.” Bianca took another sip of her tea as a troubled expression crossed her face. “So was he wrong, then? Am I just fooling myself that I have the power to change anything?”

xiulan zhou