mexican standoff [addy]

[addilyn elara slater]

i lost my mind
i don't mind

where's my mind?

September 5, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy could never understand the logic behind memories. The painful ones crept through whenever they could, leaving one with a sense of longing and sadness. And other times, the happy ones made an appearance to fill that void. It had not taken long for Addy to fall into that cycle after the breakup. Suddenly all the fights and things that annoyed her didn’t seem so bad. The pain of the heartache invited a constant stream of good memories. The ones where they’d laugh and enjoy one another’s company. She used to rely on those to block out the memories of Hogwarts burning and all the fire and death she saw that day, but now she was left with the weight of it all.

Jack seemed different, something weighing on his shoulders as well. It was easy to hide the baggage they carried behind a quick smile and a deflection, but otherwise, it was abundantly clear. But Jack was right. She hadn’t left. But why? Was it because, for the first time in months, Addy had enjoyed herself unabashedly? Smiling and laughing as she used to? Or was it because maybe there was a kindred spirit whose burdens caused them pain? Either way, Addy opened her mouth to speak but closed it. She didn’t have some retort or smart remark.

And she didn’t move when Jack approached her again with a different intensity in his eyes. She didn’t push him away when he kissed her. And even stone-cold sober, she could see why she’d been swept on her feet the night before. It didn’t last long, but it didn’t have to. The memories she’d just dredged in the last few seconds made it all so clear. Addy kept her face close to Jack’s as she didn’t want to look him in the eye right now. Why hadn’t she moved? ”I don’t want to be alone.” She admitted. The pushback had been an internal struggle. Addy put her hands on his chest and slid them up until they were around his neck.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

To Jack's quiet surprise, Addy snapped her mouth shut. There was no space for a sharp remark or a sly smile. He hadn't consciously opened up to her, but some sort of weight shifted from his shoulders as she accepted that memories could shape their lives. Tentatively, Jack kissed her, his touch feather light on her skin. There was no pressure, no expectations. Her lips moved softly against his, and when he broke away, he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed.

"Loneliness is the most silent of killers," Jack said at last, letting the memory of Toby wash over him. Had he ever properly mourned his friend? Had he done everything he could so that no one he knew would be in that position again? Feeling lost and alone, like there was nothing to live for and nobody to turn to? Jack knew there were thousands, millions of Toby's in the world. Silenced by the expectations that society foisted upon them. When the pressure became too much, the dam burst. What could they do to stop the endless cycle? What could they do to explain why boys and men and people everywhere couldn't face the realities of loneliness?

"I'm here," Jack murmured, cirlcing his arms once more around her waist as Addy's wound his neck. He brought his lips to hers again, a reminder of how alive they both were, and how neither of them were alone. At least, not at this moment. They could share the weight, even if it was just for a few more short hours.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i lost my mind
i don't mind

where's my mind?

September 5, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

The day had progressed rather interestingly but so far had begun and ended with Jack. The in-between filled with various interactions. Even just this encounter. Jack had sauntered over, basically strutting simply because Addy had left his bed that morning. And she responded with equal energy but coldly—a standoff between comparable personalities. Addy had been determined to dig her feet in and not succumb to his charms, not again. But then he’d suddenly removed that mask, and she was taken aback but that vulnerability. He made it look so easy to let one’s guard down.

And that was Addy’s problem, wasn’t it? Constantly on the move and pushing toward her goal because if she did, then she would be labeled as a success. And success would be her shield and what she portrayed to the world and everybody around her. Only by happenstance she formed a close friendship with perhaps the one person who never let that wall deter her from seeing the truth. Getting drunk and letting go had been such a freeing feeling, and it bothered Addy that it took that to feel good anymore. She couldn’t just admit to herself that she’d had fun.

Jack pulled her close. They both needed the distraction but also the company. She hadn’t meant to admit what she had. That thought was only supposed to pass through her brain and never leave. Her ambition and goals had cost her not only a great friend but also someone she still loved dearly. And Merlin, did she miss him. Enough that they saw each other regularly as if it was seventh year all over again, but they weren’t together. She was all alone. And it was her fault. Addy found herself pulling closer to him as well. Floating in the water made it easier. Addy pulled back to catch her breath. ”We should probably get out of the water.”

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Were Jack and Addy not just two people who were afraid? There was so much in the world to be afraid of, so many causes for unpleasant memories. When Jack kissed her again, it was deeper, stealing the fear away from her, combining it with his own, and releasing it into the salty air. They clung to one another like life preservers, lost in the bob and sway of the sea. After a long moment, Addy pulled away and breathed an observation. Jack didn't want to go back to the shore where reality would surely dig its claws into them again. Words formed in his mind, matching one another and swirling into a song.

"Yeah, alright," said Jack at last, dropping a hand to Addy's and wading back to shore. He glanced over at her, blonde locks plastered to her forehead as the sea water beaded down her collarbone. He wanted to taste every drop, to take his time, to remind her what it was to be not alone.

Too soon, they reached the beach, and Jack walked Addy back to her lounger. "Last night... was a good memory," he admitted, speaking at long last. "I hope it was for you too. And that you don't feel so alone anymore." Jack brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it slowly, maintaining eye contact with Addy as he did so. He withdrew his hand and took a step back. "You know where to find me," he added with a crooked smirk before turning and heading back to his own belongings. He was going to have to return home soon, have a long, long shower and think about the things that Addy Slater did to him.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i lost my mind
i don't mind

where's my mind?

September 5, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

They arrived back at her lounger, and nobody was any wiser to their antics. But Jack wasn’t the same Jack that had arrived at the beach. It was clear by how he was going to walk away now. The question was, did Addy want him to? Her heart beat a little faster, her lips still tingling from that kiss. She had wanted to be left alone earlier as she sank into the well of her darker thoughts, but then there was him. As he turned, Addy skipped a beat and then took a step forward, placing her hand softly on his forearm. ”Jack, wait.”

[ end addy ]

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