sand in my shoes | jack

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

What the hell was she doing? The singular question had become comfortable in her mind. And Addilyn Slater, one of the star students in her year at Hogwarts, apparently had only mastered the art of hindsight. And Merlin had Brígh been right. So right that Addy even began to wonder if she’d learned Divination or something during her Cursebreaker training. Addy slipped a t-shirt over her head as she walked back to her bed, sitting with her back against the wall near the front. She would have extended her legs to stretch, but there was a body there.

Why was there a boy in her bed? Because Addilyn Slater couldn’t help it. They’d returned from their trip, and Addy just continued with her life. She returned to work and hung out with friends during her off time. She told Charlie that perhaps they’d be better as friends, and he understood. Even talking to Cheese when Brígh would host some event at the house had become a little easier. But just a little. While unexpected things had happened during the trip, it had just solidified what Addy had been feeling—alone. She missed Cheese as her boyfriend and as her best friend. She missed talking to him about their future and what they could accomplish. She even missed him taking random pictures when he suddenly saw Addy framed in the right light when they were out. Just everything.

Brígh had casually informed Addy that one Jack Clarke was employed at the pub on the LIFE campus, and Addy responded nonchalantly. But it didn’t take long for Addy to visit the campus with some excuse ready in case she ran into Brígh or Ivanka and to order a drink. That had been a few weeks ago, and she swore to herself it was the last. It was out of her system. So why was her room warded and locked and Jack Clarke in her bed? At least right now, she felt physically relaxed though otherwise, she still felt that constant weight she carried. ”I thought three was the limit.” She gave him a look, pushing through her thoughts for the moment.

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Stunned.

Flabbergasted. Taken aback. Shocked. Stupefied. All these would describe the exact feeling Jack had when Addy Slater waltzed back into his life. In all honesty, he hadn't expected to see her at all after their holiday, except maybe in passing in London. But London was a big city. It was easy not to cross paths with someone you wanted to avoid. Addy hadn't specifically told him she wanted nothing to do with him, but Jack could tell there was a war going on for her mind. On the one hand, she didn't seem like the sort of girl who engaged in casual relations, and that was all Jack was willing to be. She also seemed hung up on someone else. But on the other hand... well, Jack knew they had fun together. And in her company, he felt less alone.

The moment Addy appeared in the Flobberworm and Lettuce, Jack had dropped a glass of firewhisky in shock. Flushing scarlet, he quickly repaired the glass and poured a fresh one, his eyes on Addy the whole time. He'd taken her back to the flat he shared with Mal, and they rekindled their relationship, for lack of a better word.

Two and a half weeks had passed since that moment, and Jack and Addy both found moments to steal from one another. Addy was far less like her sister and much more like her brother than Jack had first thought. She'd struck him initially as someone who needed control, and yet when he pinned her to the bed and kissed her all over, she had no such complaints. He'd started to learn exactly what she craved, keeping mental notes with each new discovery. They'd fallen into an easy enough pattern.

Jack stretched languidly in Addy's bed, before wrapping an arm around her. "You make up rumours about me," said Jack with a smirk. He drew her closer, dropping a kiss onto her collarbone. "Paint me as a portrait of the man you thought I was, but I'll prove you wrong, that I've got a few flaws," he murmured into her skin, his lips trailing along her shoulder. "Would you prefer it if three was the limit?" asked Jack, shifting back slightly so he could look her square in the face. Merlin, she always looked delicious afterwards.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

She had wanted to put a little distance between them. Much like that night when she’d gone to the bar—Addy had gone home that night. But now, even as she shifted her position, he still dragged her back with his arm. He managed to surprise her. Catching him flustered had left Addy feeling like she had some kind of upper hand. It felt good to have a little control in her life again, though she quickly surrendered it not soon after. And the more she thought about it, finding herself biting on her lower lip just slightly when she did, the more she realized she liked it.

Control was necessary when one had goals. Ensuring you followed the correct path and consciously made those decisions to get there. It consumed Addy’s life, which had been okay until she fell in love. There was nothing logical about it, nothing to research, prepare, or study. She was just walking one day, and then out of nowhere, she fell, and she fell hard. But then, in a blink, it was over. How do you fix something that had no logic in the first place? She’d struggled with that question before the breakup when the fighting became more frequent.

One reason Addy had walked into the Flobberworm and Lettuce that day was that while Jack was charming and made her feel attractive, he was capable of an honesty when he wanted to. She was tired of hearing the opinions of people who knew her best because they were stuck in the middle. ”And what have I been wrong about?” Where did Jack assume Addy’s mind went? But at his next question, she paused before answering. She knew she should say ‘yes’ and then get on with her life and figure out what to do next. But she liked that feeling of letting go, and Jack gave her that. ”I don’t know.” She answered, rolling on her stomach to prop herself up on her elbows though she didn’t look at him for a few seconds. ”What do you think?”

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack hummed a note of approval at the look on Addy's face as he murmured into her skin. His lips left a trail of fire in their wake, his arm shifting so that he could draw her closer still. Jack paused, lifting his gaze to hers. He arched a playful brow. "And if I point out the evidence for the case in how more than three times benefits you?" asked Jack, tilting his head. Always so petulant, always having to come up with an argument. This was the Slater girl he had thought she was, but he liked it quite a bit when she challenged him.

"You think you know exactly why I do what I do," said Jack, his fingers trailing along her back and down the outside, then up the sensitive inner flesh of her thigh. "That I am the sort of guy who just shags and then forgets," said Jack. Well, on that one she wasn't entirely wrong. More often than not, Jack feared the insurmountable pressure of committing and supporting someone else. Any inkling of a relationship he'd ever had, Jack had been quick to destroy. Though his mums had been happy for so long, he had seen the strain in their faces from struggling to support their little family. Jack, for all his flaws, did have quite a noble reason for his distaste for that sort of intimacy. It was easier this way. People didn't get hurt, and people didn't get resentful. "And I've never set out a max number. Though you're right in assuming I can't count much higher than three," he added, adding levity to the conversation. Jack's fingers grazed even higher.

Addy didn't look at him for a moment, and Jack withdrew his hand, resting it on the bed between them. "I think you're enjoying this as much as me. And that you don't usually do this kind of thing. But it doesn't change the way I look at you," he said, his smile gentle. "And look at us now. Having a conversation, completely naked in your bed. What does that say?" asked Jack.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Jack always managed to turn the conversation into a game. Distracting Addy until she stopped talking. But the youngest Slater could still manage that iron willpower at times. Sometimes. Were they even friends? Since Addy had never considered herself that kind of girl, the entire dynamic was confusing. With Cheese, she had just been denying her feelings because it was a new feeling. Something unrecognizeable. One might say Addy had a fear of what she could not logically explain. Not that she would admit it, Addy had always prided herself on her ability to handle whatever came her way. It suited her at work as well as it had at Hogwarts—but her personal life suffered for it.

His fingers roamed, but Addy only held steadfast because she was in her head. The itch had been scratched, and her thoughts resumed where they’d left off, which was no closer to a resolution. As Jack spoke, she looked back at him—was it that obvious she needed to relax? That she clearly wasn’t the adventurous type of girl and instead one that stuck to the same path? ”And what do you see?” Her eyes searched his for answers. What did he see that Addy couldn’t see when she looked in the mirror? But they’d certainly come a long way in a short time. From drinks and flirting to exchanging real words—often meaningful words. ”I guess that makes us friends or something.” She half grinned but felt a little weary. ”Something tells me you don’t usually have conversations while completely naked in somebody’s bed.” She said matter of factly.

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack paused, mulling over Addy's response. What did he see in her? "Someone who just wants to be reminded that they are alive," he replied at last, catching her gaze. She looked thoughtful and confused, all at once. Like she didn't want to see or feel, but was doing so at her own expense. Jack scratched his nose, suddenly uncomfortable. He liked being with Addy - it wasn't easy, but it was worth the challenge. But he hadn't expected to face these hard facts when he fell into bed with her all those hours ago.

With a snort, Jack nodded. "Aye, or something," he said, rolling his eyes. Her half grin made the same attempt at levity, and Jack was struck with the sudden urge to flee. Addy pointed out that he rarely had these sorts of conversations in bed post-coitus, and she was right. Jack felt like this sort of thing was reserved for a relationship with more gravity than theirs. He shifted, hiding his discomfort. "No, usually my mouth has better things to do," he quipped back, smirking up at Addy. "I'd be more than happy to demonstrate..." he added.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy would be lying if she didn’t admit this was all sort of fun. The mix of ensuring Brígh didn’t spot Jack when he was here. Otherwise, you’d hear her excited yell all the way in Scotland. Not to mention that look she loved to give Addy when she was proven wrong. Let alone when she had been so very wrong. She supposed that’s why Jack’s response caught her a little off guard. However, it put words to feelings that had been anonymous up until now. She didn’t want to process that now. It always led her down a path that ended in the same place all the other paths did.

”I suppose we all need a reminder from time to time.” Or something like that. The opposite of dwelling in memories. Well, it only felt appropriate that Jack would deflect as much as she was. And his offer at a distraction was temping, but they weren’t in Greece with all the time in the world either. ”Hm…you also have to leave without Brígh seeing you.” Addy couldn’t help but smirk. No doubt she’d tell Mal, much to Addy’s dismay. A house full of Cursebreakers meant that many spells had gone into privacy purposes, so you needed to be outside to apparate.

Addy surveyed her room. It wasn’t tidy as it normally was. Not even her desk. But she had been reorganizing and placing things in a box. Some were Brígh’s things like a borrowed shirt or sweater. And other things Cheese had left behind. Small camera accessories and even a framed photo of them in a candid shot. A gift from her birthday the previous year. But she also didn’t get up right away, comfortable where she was.

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Deep thinking didn't seem to be very foreign to Addy. But to Jack, looking inwards and examining his feelings was about as appealing as having tea with a manticore. He watched her quietly, assessing just how inwards she was turning. Perhaps it was time for him to cut his losses and run. This was fun - very fun. And Jack was rather selfish. He liked the challenge of learning every inch of Addy's skin, the way her lips parted when something particularly pleased her, the flexion of her fingers on his bare back. But if whatever they had between themselves became something of note, Jack couldn't handle it.

Ruffling his hair nervously, Jack sat up. His attempt at deflecting the conversation into safer, silent waters had been unsuccessful. The mention of her flatmate Brígh, the girl who had teased Mal within an inch of his life, sobered him. "Things would be easier if your flat wasn't warded against apparition," he murmured, his gaze flickering to her. "That girl has the eyes of a hawk," he added with a frown.

At last, Jack shifted, withdrawing his hand from around Addy's waist. He sought out his pants, and pulled his trousers on over them. "Next time, you come to mine," said Jack, casting his gaze around for his t shirt. He thought he spotted it, but it turned out to be a shirt that belonged to someone else. Jack raised a brow, and said nothing. "Mal is rarely home as it is, so no sneaking necessary. That is, if you dare to part with your darling London," said Jack, his lips twisting into a smirk. He turned to look at Addy, but his gaze caught on a small, framed photo. Jack examined it without touching it, noting the pure joy in Addy's face, the unfettered delight that hovered between herself and this boy in the photograph with her. Jack had never seen such a look on her face. Something close to disappointment bloomed in his belly. He'd known Addy was using him as much as he was using her. To scratch an itch, for fun and games. But Jack had never suspected that she was using him to get over someone else.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

This was probably more conversation than either was used to with one another. Aside from rare moments like this or at that beach in Greece, it seemed everything was more of a physical act or simply exchanged looks. Addy had to admit there was a sort of power in locking eyes with the bartender from across the pub and distracting him, but in the end, she was free to leave while he was stuck behind a bar. So many of what her classmates had giggled about in the girl’s dorm made more sense now. Though she would have to tell Brígh eventually, she needed to talk to someone about it.

Addy nodded. They could both agree that Brígh could see more happening around them than perhaps the most talented seer. It was frightening at times. Addy had to admit. She considered herself so detailed, yet her best friend could read her no matter what. It was a bloody miracle that she hadn’t caught on about the certain boys Addy had brought to her room—or perhaps she had and was keeping it to herself. ”Cursebreakers.” She muttered—Addy didn’t have much say in the matter, but it was inconvenient in times like this. Jack moved, and Addy watched him as he searched for his clothes. They were unceremoniously thrown about, as were hers. It made her blush just slightly at how chaotic it seemed.

She watched as he walked over to a grey shirt, but Addy didn’t remember him wearing a gray shirt. Fortunately, he hadn’t grabbed it. Addy moved to stand up off the bed as casually as she could, that was certainly not his shirt, and it actually wasn’t even hers. But “The Daily Prophet” text across the front was a dead giveaway. As she reached for a pair of shorts from her neatly organized dresser, she responded. ”I think I can make an exception.” Privacy was good. At least Addy still held on to whatever she could take. But Jack’s eyes had left her, and she’d caught his gaze at the items near her desk. A weird feeling passed over her, but she didn’t know why. This entire arrangement was purely casual, so why would she be bothered that Jack had seen a glimpse into that part of her old life?

Clearing her throat, Addy picked up a few other items off the floor and placed them on top of the items in the box. A juvenile attempt to hide it as if she was guilty of something, even though she wasn’t. ”You’re leaving my room a mess, Clark.” She tried to joke, though it wasn’t false considering how close her desk was to the door. But as much as she tried to bring back that playful grin of hers, all that pain had suddenly come rushing back up. Why? Because she was still debating on whether to keep that photo or give it back.

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Though this extended conversation was rather fleeting between himself and Addy, Jack found himself enjoying it. It was uncommon for Jack to find valuable qualities in a conversation with anyone other than Mal - and even then, half the time it wasn't. Something about Addy was intriguing. Perhaps it was her drive, and though he knew little else about her apart from her flexibility, her taste and her age, there was a spark of curiosity. Jack didn't know Brígh as well as Mal did - or as well as Mal apparently had once wished he did - but he knew that even a single object out of place would alert the girl's attention. They had to tread carefully if they wished to keep any of this to themselves.

Jack's eyes fell upon a small photograph of Addy and a tall, dark haired boy. Discomfort spread across his insides, and Jack swallowed a lump in his throat. It was silly really, after all they'd only agreed to something casual. But the idea that Addy was using him to get over someone else didn't sit well with him. He knew he was a bleeding hypocrite. Jack's eyes flashed to Addy at her movement and subsequent response. Her joke fell flat, but Jack arched a brow. "Is that a challenge, Slater?" he asked, drifting over to her side. "I could leave it messier, you need only ask," he added, a smirk crawling across his face.

Jack's words were different from what was going on is his mind. This arrangement suited them both, yes - but only if Addy let go of her past. His eyes narrowed slightly as he searched her face. It was guarded, but discomfort crinkled her blue eyes. "Slater, if you're going to play the game, you've got to really play it. Not just a toe in, aye?" he said crossing his arms as he spoke.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Never in a million years would Addy have imagined herself in such a situation. A dalliance with a boy she would have never involved herself with. Then again, Addy had never thought she’d feel so lost when everything had been so certain before. Aside from that, she was far more surprised that she had anything to speak to Jack about. As far as she knew, he and his brother were only interested in bedding girls like they were collecting Chocolate Frog Cards. And Addy had always prided herself and not being ‘one of those girls’ or a notch in someone’s bedpost.

And yet here she was. Distracting herself from her own thoughts with someone she’d met as the perfect stranger. Jack moved over to her, that mischievous glint in his eye at her comment. Everything was a challenge for him, just a way to knock over something else in Addy’s perfectly put-together life. But despite outward appearances, everything felt like only a light breeze would knock it over. ”I’m sure you could.”

But there was a slight shift, something she couldn’t put her finger on. Looking a little confused, she looked at Jack. ”And what game is that?” Her tone was a little less light. What was he getting at? And why? It was very clear this was merely a physical relationship. Both benefited from it but without any of those pesky strings. Jack clearly didn’t want any, and Addy actively avoided them, feeling weighed down by the stress they caused. But she’d never been one to shy away from a situation, even if Addy didn’t jump fully in at first—she would if she wanted to.

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Addy's response was neither an approval or dismissal, and Jack didn't know what to do with that. He raised his thumb to her cheek, his touch feather light as he traced the line of her jaw, ghosting his finger over her lips that had been swollen with his kisses. But then, the space between them shifted. He dropped his hand, his eyes narrowing as he appraised her. Jack crossed his arms, closing himself off - he knew the arrangement between them worked, but Jack didn't much appreciate being second choice. Never in a million years did Jack think he'd fancy settling down - even the phrasing of it made him feel unwell. But the idea that Addy was just trying to get her mind off someone else, yet not allowing herself to at the same time didn't sit well with him.

Addy's response came back, a flat refusal to play. Jack's mouth twisted into a frown. "I thought you were clever, Slater," Jack replied at last. "Don't tell me you're not using me to get over someone else. That's not how this works, see," he added, his eyes flashing towards the photo. "You're stuffing down feelings. You've got to let yourself go. Either you get back with this lad, forget about why you split up in the first place, or you cut yourself free from those bleeding strings and fly," said Jack appraising Addy intensely. He didn't know what had caused the shift - he wanted nothing from this relationship except for a good time and an even better shag. Jack didn't want Addy to do something monstrous like fall for him. He was emotionally unavailable, and that worked best for his music. But if she kept investing herself in someone who wouldn't give back, she would spiral.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy wasn’t sure this conversation was even happening. When did they cross the line from a pure physical arrangement to sternly handing out unsolicited advice? She’d done her best to forget that beach encounter while on holiday and when she’d returned to him. A strange example of an unplanned intimate moment where they laid bare who they were for a couple minutes before remembering to put their masks back on. But after a beat, she scoffed. Her mind was still focused on how his fingers lightly touched her face.

Of course, he’d seen the photo. Addy hadn’t done a good job of hiding it. The fact that there was even that bit of disorder in that corner of her room was a sign in itself that all was not well with Addy Slater. Similarly, she crossed her arms as he continued to speak. “Using you?” She asked incredulously. “Really?” There was an anger that sat in the pit of her stomach now that threatened to grow. “I’m using you as much as you’re using me, aren’t you?” Jack and his troll of a brother were not all that different, Addy decided. ”Or do you pick up girls at bars just to give them free advice?” Mal slept around to obviously satisfy his ego since it took up more room in his skull than his brain did. But what about Jack? Addy didn’t know. Merlin, she didn’t even know she had shifted in her own actions.

Addy scoffed again, walking past him to pick up various things off the floor and keep herself busy. She was annoyed. Who was Jack to cast judgment on things he knew nothing about? “Not that it’s any of your business, but whatever he and I had is over. And has been.” She stopped speaking for a second but kept moving until nothing was left, and she just stood with her arms crossed again. She hadn’t anticipated saying that out loud would hurt so fucking much. Not even Brígh had pushed her hard enough to say it out loud. But supposedly, that was step one of moving on, right?

But she wasn’t angry with him. Anger was merely energy that needed a target, and Addy didn’t know where to direct hers. But Addy also knew she didn’t want to hear it, not from him. No, not the boy who showed Addy she could still feel something. Months of drifting along in life, settling for a nice guy with a nice job. But there was no universe in which Charles could have matched well with Addy. Between the photo and the unsolicited advice, Addy tried her best to not think about the last boy who’d truly made her feel alive.

template by vee

[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack had only meant to call Addy out, to give her a dose of reality. Her immediately sharp reaction told him that he’d hit a sore spot. His fingers ghosted over the line of her jaw, over her lips. However, she stepped out of his reach and his hand dropped to his side, watching her as she whirled around the room, picking things up and tidying like a woman possessed. ”There’s a difference between us,” Jack replied, not moving from the space he was occupying. ”I haven’t got any baggage,” he reminded her. He wanted to point out that he’d never been in a relationship, hadn’t gotten into sticky situations with an ex. There was something that roiled in his stomach when he considered the idea of commitment. He’d never meant to get this involved, but Jack couldn’t for a minute regret the tentative friendship he’d developed with Slater.

”Doesn’t fuckin sound like it,” he murmured under his breath, referring to the fact that Addy said she was done with her ex. ”Keep your head,” he added, fixing her with a glacial glare. ”You wouldn’t be so defensive if there was nothing there,” Jack observed. But Addy wasn’t listening. She seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, and the direction of her hanger dropped from him. ”Look,” said Jack heavily, tucking his hands away into his pockets. ”I’m sorry for bringing it up. But only because it wasn’t right for me to do so. Doesn’t mean you haven’t got shit to sort through, just as much as me,” said Jack. ”From one friend to another, don’t lie to yourself. Cos that’s what we are. Pals,” he added, his lip quirking up at the side.

Jack moved to leave her room, certain that his absence was needed. Just as sure as he was that Addy’s housemates most definitely knew that she’d had a boy in her room - and not her ex boyfriend. Their heated conversation couldn’t have gone unnoticed. ”Come by the pub tomorrow. I finish at five,” said Jack, mussing up his already messy hair. ”We can talk.”

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

i should get on, forget you

but why would i want to?

September 26, 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy crossed her arms tighter. She didn’t have baggage. A breakup and moving on were not baggage. Letting go had felt like something sharp being yanked from her chest, so the process was slow. It wasn’t something you merely ripped off like a band-aid. But Addy doubted that Jack didn’t have anything he wasn’t carrying around. That wasn’t human. Even Addy could admit she had lingering things, even if it wasn’t related to Raphael McLaggen. But her sharp responses garnered equal ones from Jack, but she didn’t stop moving until there wasn’t a choice.

”Doesn’t mean it all go away overnight…” Jack may have been right but Addy had already committed that it wasn’t an issue. She was just working through it because Merlin knew she needed some normalcy in her life. The last time it had felt stable was before Brigh left to go home. Before that summer where something so normal as two best friends hanging out had turned them into lovers before the end of the day. So keeping this man in her life was necessary for that previous stability, despite the pain it caused.

Addy stopped speaking, and Jack relented, apologizing for bringing it up. But she didn’t lock eyes with him again until he was done. ’From one friend to another…’ While the earlier quips about friendship had been in a joking manner, clearly it was also true. Between this, other moments, and that shared moment on the beach, they had already shared more than one would for a one-night stand. But now, the goal was merely to get him out of the house without anyone noticing. ”Right…” She muttered, but she already knew she wouldn’t go.

[end addy]

template by vee