look alive, sunshine | nell

[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Rhys wondered if it was possible for the world to lose its color or at least seem washed out. Maybe it was possible with a charm or a curse, perhaps a potion. Yes, that’s it. That had to be it, right? Rhys had obviously gotten cursed on his last assignment, and that’s why the world seemed gray and dull and why he felt so incredibly numb. Three months and Rhys had managed to go from feeling that swirling void in his chest to feeling nothing. All it took was a generous amount of whiskey.

And he couldn’t always have that whiskey alone, of course. Just as they suddenly had during his final year at Hogwarts, women approached him, complimented his eyes, or just said hello. The attention still felt unfamiliar, but he didn't have his relationship status to hide behind anymore. He supposed it would have been too much to ask that he be spared the pain after his birthday. But throwing himself into work had at least prevented him from moping around here in London. It was just him, work, and whiskey for a while. At least until another few weeks had passed, and he grew desperate for distraction for how alone he felt.

Never his flat. Nope. There were still things here that reminded him of her. But every time he moved something, it was something else. But he still had friends and younger siblings back at Hogwarts, which had helped immensely. But the days of whiskey and a second tryst before returning to London left him feeling numb and like he was simply existing. In a way, he felt his reaction was so dramatic, like the teenage girls he remembered back at school. Or he finally realized how much of his life had just been torn out, leaving the shreds of empty space behind. And he didn’t know how to move forward. This was all he had known since entering the world. Sometimes he felt like that five-year-old boy on his first day at the orphanage. Or, at age eleven, walking into Hogwarts for the first time, feeling so lost and out of place.

In which case, it was fitting he'd agreed to lunch with Nell, who finally had managed more than one day off and had somehow managed two in a row. At least that constant in his life had not changed—one of his closest friends since his first year and one of the first to speak to him. She'd gone on about the wood his wand was made from while Rhys merely looked around to see who she was talking to because it clearly couldn't have been him. But it was, and that was how he’d befriended Eleanor Ollivander. In fact, the flat where Rhys currently slept on the couch was also due to Nell. His name hadn’t won him any favors, let alone that he was a known werewolf. She had used her name and provided a reference to help him.

Rhys had stayed home the night before and attempted to read through some reports, and he had barely managed a buzz in terms of drinking. Still, he barely heard the pounding on his door, which finally stirred him awake. Squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light, he opened the door and tried to keep his balance from standing up too quickly. ”Oh, hi.” Rhys’ throat felt dry. ”What time is it?”

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[eleanor gwendolen ollivander]

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Most apartment building doors were made out of horribly dry, and terrible pieces of wood. They were good for two things: being opened, and knocking loudly on them. Which was what she was doing currently on the door to Rhys and Juniper’s flat. She almost held her breath to remind herself that it was different now – no more McGonagall. Nell, for the life of her, couldn’t figure out what went wrong there. Obviously she had less insight on their relationship that she thought she had this whole time, and knowing McGonagall…well, she had always been headstrong in the worst ways. Even less than that, her own concept of how a proper relationship should operate was almost zero. Nothing more than a month or so here or there. Work always got in the way in the end, or the poor guy would think it was romantic to stop by the shop and see her whilst she worked. It always ended with Veronica speaking to them first, and it never lasted long after that. Ultimately, in this situation, Rhys was her friend first and her allegiances continued as such. Nothing against Juniper, but Nell never could figure out common ground with her. That was mostly her own doing, still slightly scared of the other woman’s personality.

With that all being said, Rhys was supposed to join her for lunch today. At noon. It was currently half past one. Had this been a normal working day, she would have eaten and gone back, finding time for another day to do this. But it wasn’t, and she knew that he needed someone to get him moving back into the real world. After three rounds of extremely loud knocking, Nell was about to get the spare key out that she kept as a back-up. Knowing how Rhys had been lately, the odds of him drunkenly passed out still at this hour were high.

Thankfully it didn’t take that, as the door opened as she was mid-knock, Rhys on the other side looking just about as awful as she’d expected him to be. “Merlin…” she swore. “One thirty. I’m assuming you haven’t eaten yet?” Or done anything of value, most likely. He looked like he’d just woken up.

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Since Rhys had not overindulged the previous night, he was not incredibly hungover. Exhausted? Yes, but his sleep had been terrible in general, to say the least. All at once the sight of Nell in front of him after his eyes adjusted and the abundance of sunlight made him recall that they had plans. ”Shit—I overslept. Sorry.” He stepped back so Nell could step inside if she pleased. Nell had been a common visitor, at least when Rhys had been home from training or work. Saffron was more likely to visit when Juniper had been around. A wave of pain passed as her name passed through his mind, and that weird sinking feeling always followed it.

His flat probably looked a bit messy, or it was clear that a bachelor lived there. Another thought that hurt too much to linger on. But mainly, it was the living room area covered in materials for work. ”We can still grab a bite…if you have time…” Rhys felt awful knowing that Nell’s time was limited most days. Rhys ran his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes. Slowly, his brain was coming out of its haze. Instinctively, he picked up the whiskey bottle, put it back next to the others in his tiny collection, and waved his wand so the glasses flew gently into the kitchen sink.

A small part of him was waiting for some comment about his now ex-girlfriend, but Rhys wasn’t about to bring it up first. And so far, no amount of whiskey, tequila or pretty girls had helped him stop thinking so much about Juniper. But what did one expect when leaving a nearly six-year relationship? It wasn’t like Rhys had put his entire being into it or anything. Now that his mind had wandered back into that corner, he suddenly regretted putting the whiskey away.

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[eleanor gwendolen ollivander]

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Was it bad that her first thought was that he looked sort of pathetic? A shell of himself, but not at the level in which he couldn't pull himself back out of it. Nell had very little understanding on how he actually felt, never experiencing this sort of heartbreak herself, but she did know that he couldn't let it consume him in the way it was. The only way to move on was to move past it, right? Knowing how Juniper was personality-wise, there was no way they were never ever getting back together. Rhys just had to move past it. And that was where she sort of came in. Dragging him out when he didn't want to, showing him that everything would be alright. That there was more to life than McGonagall. She didn't deserve Rhys anyways.

"It happens," she responded while stepping past him and into the apartment. She had visited a few times over the years, always with Juniper present. The feeling of the whole flat was off now that it was just Rhys and his belongings. Not saying that McGonagall made the place, but her dominant personality had definitely shone through in their shared living space. Nell watched her friend carefully as he started to clean up after himself, whiskey bottle in hand and empty glasses floating off to the kitchen. She bit down on her tongue to stop herself from making any comments about it. He'd probably heard enough of it by now.

"I do. Probably only to the Leaky Cauldron though if that's okay with you." She couldn't be away from the shop for too long, and if Veronica grew curious and found her yucking it up with Rhys at the pub, she'd be furious. Obviously she wasn't going to be drinking in the middle of the day, but that barely mattered to her sister.

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Like persistent background noise, Rhys dealt with this pain as best he could. Pushing it aside enough made it bearable, and he could tune it out sometimes. Otherwise, that raw pain would return. An ache one couldn’t pinpoint. And whiskey helped Rhys feel less lost and alone, at least temporarily. Rhys remembered feeling like this on his first day of school, convinced he would spend the next seven years alone. Despite what his brain told him, Rhys knew he wasn’t alone. Otherwise, Nell wouldn’t be here, would she? The thought was comforting, even if it didn’t help the pain.

”That’s fine.” Rhys hardly felt hungry. Which was an interesting symptom as he’d always seemed to eat an infinite amount. Between full moons and his training, Rhys could be found eating, given he wasn’t already a few whiskeys in. Quickly, Rhys walked into his bedroom and pulled his shirt over his head. Opening the first drawer, he grabbed the first clean, plain shirt he saw. At least his hair was short, or who knew what it might have looked like.

Keys and wand in hand, he returned to the living room. ”Lets go.” For a moment, Rhys felt like his limbs were tied to the floor with chains, and he was using an immense amount of energy to walk to the door. Laying on the couch was a far more appealing idea, but he supposed he had to eat at some point.

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Stepping back out into the building hallway, Nell watched her friend slowly make his way towards the front door. She knew he had barely left the place when he didn’t have work (and whether or not he was skipping out on that, she wasn’t sure), and it looked almost as if he was afraid to do so. The slow, lumbering walk towards the portal that separated safety and depression from the outside. Merlin, she knew he was messed up from this, but it was way worse the longer it went on. The problem, at least in her eyes, was that she didn’t know how to snap him out of his funk. As much as she disliked – or rather was scared – of Juniper, they had been together for a long time. Far longer than Nell had ever entertained in her own life, and more than most of their other classmates. This was a whole new predicament that she didn’t know how to conquer. And it was sort of scary to watch Rhys experience it.

Waiting for him to lock the door behind them, Nell stared down at her feet. There had to be something she could do that wouldn’t make her seem like a bad friend. As much as she disliked talking about his adventures abroad because it reminded her that she was chained to Veronica and the family shop, she could probably entertain that while they ate. Rhys almost always had cool insights on different types of magical cultures and how they utilized their wands, which she was always interested in. The other option was talking about her own work which was, to put it bluntly, painfully boring. And some of the incoming first years had already begun their school shopping, so that meant dozens of little eleven year olds ineptly blasting magic around the store. As funny as it was sometimes, it was also scary when wands misfired. “Oh! Remember Dolohov? She stopped by the store the other day,” Nell said abruptly as they started walking. “Broke her wand and needed a new one. She kept evading my questions on how it happened. Ronnie would have killed her if she saw the state of it too.” Her own guess? Dolohov was bedding someone and her wand went snap! That wasn’t the first nor would it be the last that Nell had seen of it.

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Nell mainly remained quiet, but it wasn’t unexpected or uncomfortable. And he really wasn’t interested in hearing fake words of comfort or anything negative about his now ex-girlfriend in some attempt to comfort him. Really, only Juni had really known what to say most of the time. When to let Rhys vent when to offer an opinion or tell him it would be just fine. The thought brought a lump to his throat and pressure behind his eyes, but he forced the feeling away as he took his time to lock the door. ”Hmm?” Rhys grunted a response.

Oh, Dolohoe. ”How could I forget?” Rhys stuffed his keys into his jacket pocket. ”She chased me all of seventh year.” And perhaps most of sixth, if he really thought about it. It was probably for the best that he hadn’t given the new attention to simply exist as a name on her list. But Nell’s gossip (wand-related, naturally) was definitely far off-topic. Perfect for Rhys at the moment. They began to walk, and Rhys’ brow furrowed in confusion. He opened his mouth to ask a question but stopped, thinking again. ”I’m afraid to ask.” Rhys admitted, although he was curious. Merlin knew he saw many strange injuries to persons and wands in his work.

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Maybe bringing up a well-known promiscuous classmate of theirs wasn’t the smartest thing in the world, but Nell figured talking about anything aside from Juniper would be good. She hadn’t forgotten the long looks Dolohov had given Rhys from across the Potions classroom. Mostly because she was the one that accidentally caught them when she felt a pair of eyes boring into their cauldron station. For a while, she misunderstood and thought it was all directed at her, always forgetting that Rhys had his little glow-up over the summer. To her, he was still the same old guy. To others, he had become something akin to fresh meat for the predators of Hogwarts. She understood all of that a little better now, of course, as hindsight had sort of helped her in the long run. But back in school? Nell had been completely oblivious to most of it without help from others telling her.

”I mean, breaking a wand is pretty hard to do,” she started up, knowing that today of all days she couldn’t bore him to death because he was stuck with either her, or his thoughts. ”You can’t just sit on it and snap it in half, right? So I imagine she had to be doing something pretty freaky with it to get it to the state it was in when I saw it. We’re talking full on snapped down the middle with splinters hanging off.” Somehow, the phoenix feather core had survived it. Not even a tendril seemed harmed on it, which blew her mind. ”And she was super evasive about it,” Nell repeated.

”You know…” she began, already knowing that what she was going to say next was extremely stupid and bound to make him upset. ”She seemed like she’s changed a bit since school. Was glad to talk about working at the Ministry and whatever…she’s probably single too…” Nell wasn’t trying to tell him to move on, but it would be better to sleep with Dolohov and get over Juniper than to keep doing whatever it was he was currently doing.

rhys alexander greyback ● 347 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Rhys hadn’t known much innocence in his life, but he’d never stooped as low as to engage Dolohov for any purpose. She’d always been quite rude to him, as most people were, but when she’d changed her mind and began to bump into Rhys on purpose, it only gave him a bad feeling. And after a while, her behavior had become quite tiresome, especially as her actions grew desperate. Once or twice, Rhys could’ve sworn he’d seen even Rosier begin to roll her eyes at her attempts, not that she ever spoke that opinion out loud. And it wasn’t as if Rhys had never hooked up with a fellow classmate at Hogwarts (not including Juniper), but Rhys didn’t want any business with Dolohoe.

Nell had a point. It was difficult to break these things. And that was the point since so much of their world relied on this particular magical instrument. Even Rhys managed an amazed look at Nell’s description of the destruction. ”I have questions…” He paused, furrowing his brow. ”…but I’m not sure I want to know.” Rhys added honestly. Did she blow it up somehow? And either the story was embarrassing because it was silly or that disturbing of a story. At Nell’s next statement, Rhys stopped walking and looked at her blankly.

”Seriously?” It wasn’t because he was fresh out of a long-term relationship, well maybe a little. But more of who they were walking about. ”Dolo-hoe?” Nell had clearly been sniffing too much of whatever wood glue they used to build wands. ”No, thank you.” Merlin knew where that girl had been. Probably more places than Rhys during his travels as a Cursebreaker. With that, he began to walk again. ”People like her don’t change.” People didn’t change much in general, Rhys thought to himself.

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If it only lasted mere seconds, any sort of distraction away from the big J problem was useful. Throwing Dolohov under the bus and using her unfortunate circumstance as a joke to talk about was perfect. Because honestly, Rhys needed a laugh right now. Or to be creeped out and disgusted by her. Either worked, and Nell really didn’t care at this point which it was. ”My theory is something bed related. Can’t say I’ve ever had my wand that close to have something like that happen, but I know there are people out there that are…well, you know what I’m getting at.” Rhys wasn’t dumb. She just felt like she had to say it out loud because it kept the conversation away from the real problem.

She realized that implying he should hook-up with Dolohov wasn’t the best thing in the world, but she didn’t think he’d actually react the way he did. ”I know we’ve joked about her name like that, but that’s fairly crass even for you, Rhys,” Nell gave him a judgmental look. He wasn’t wrong though. Dolohov was known to drop them at any given moment. Everyone knew that, and it had been that way since school. For a while, Nell had thought it was some cruel rumor that was created by an older student to get back at her. But nope. It was absolutely true. She had the unfortunate experience of walking in on the act on two different occasions. The only common denominator being Dolohov and an extremely shocked Nell on the other side of a door that should have been locked.

”No, I know. Just figured she would be a good way to, I don’t know, move on? Don’t people do that all the time to reclaim themselves after a break-up?” She didn’t actually know what in Merlin’s name she was talking about. Her own experience resulted in zero relationships that lasted longer than a month, and the rest of her time was spent painfully single. Veronica made sure of that by working her to the bone.

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

It was too bad this topic was still somewhat related to Juniper, or Rhys would have let his curiosity run wild. In fact, such a story like this would have had the pair laughing as they thought of ridiculous sex-related scenarios that resulted in a completely broken wand. The thought hurt, and the pain lingered as it faded. But Rhys kept his mostly unamused expression. Nell was trying, he could tell. You didn’t stay best friends with someone for over a decade and not learn to read them. It probably helped Rhys and Nell, who were both creatures of habit.

Rhys raised an eyebrow at the judgment. ”Me? You’re the one kink-shaming.” Well, so was Rhys, but he hadn’t said it in so many words. ” It's not like she hated the nickname.” Rhys was fairly sure Dolohov knew what people said about her and what she was called in the hallways. But she’d never been shy about the number of notches on her bedpost. But Rhys let out a sigh through his nose. He felt an instant frustration in his stomach. ”And who says I haven’t?” Clearly, keeping a cap on even the most minute amount of his temper would be challenging today.

Reclaim themselves—that was one way to put it, he supposed. ”I don’t need ‘London’s Broomstick’ for that.” Now he was being crass, but he felt annoyed. Or maybe it was hanger from Merlin knew how long surviving off whiskey-based calories. Even with the time that had passed, Rhys still felt awful most days. Another frustrated sigh exited his nose as they approached The Leaky Cauldron. ”I’m sorry.” A little calmer, Rhys knew he shouldn’t snap at Nell. Isn’t that what he’d do to Juniper all the time? And Nell did have a point. Rhys, first off, had been surprised by the female attention at pubs and then realized what a nice distraction it was.

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"I'm not-" Nell stopped herself halfway through. She sort of was, wasn't she? Having an opinion on such things when she was about as vanilla and naive as humanly possible when it came to relationships was definitely a look. Sputtering, she continued, "Well, I just don't think anyone should be using that at our age." Whether or not Dolohov owned her promiscuity was none of either of their business. Obviously everyone had seen the overt attempts at school by her to upend Rhys's relationship. Once she found out the news, there was no doubt she'd be on the prowl again. Strangely, Rhys hadn't popped up in conversation while she was buying the new wand.

Staring at him as he countered back, Nell kept herself from laughing. In this state he was sleeping around? She absolutely believed that. Deciding not to respond to that as they continued towards the Leaky Cauldron, she knew that digging too deep would make him even pricklier than he currently was. Kicking him when he was already down wasn't cool, even if she thought it was time for him to move on. From her point of view, it was frustrating to watch. Because she knew he could move past it once he got out of the slump (and his apartment). It wasn't like Juniper McGonagall was the greatest witch out there. Sure, she was talented in magic and had the name for it, but she was often times abrasive, rude, and clearly not able to understand that Rhys's job was important to him. She knew what she was getting into when he became a cursebreaker. And that ticked Nell off.

"It's fine..." she responded to his apology just in time for the archaic sign hanging over the Leaky Cauldron to come into view. "You do you. But you do need to pull yourself out of this funk you're in. It's not healthy and I'm worried about you. So obviously if you need to talk or for me to drag you out like this, just tell me. Okay?" After this, she didn't plan on saying anything else about it. Today was a step in the right direction though.

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Rhys knew Dolohov had not changed one bit. Maybe she didn’t wear the Slytherin skirt so short anymore, but rather a modified Ministry uniform that showed enough leg to get by. Juniper had bumped into her a time or two while at work. At least in his line of work, Rhys was certainly spared the experience of bumping into undesirable faces from his youth because he was out of the country. He didn’t even bother hiding how he rolled his eyes. Why were they even talking about this? Unfortunately, Rhys was a little bit grumpy even on his good days. But like this, it never took long to set off his sensitive temper. Everything bothered him, everything was annoying, and he lived on a hair trigger.

Nell knew him well after all these years, so she shouldn’t be surprised not that Rhys couldn’t find some self-awareness during his moping to not act like an ass. Sighing heavily through his nose, Rhys nodded as she accepted his quick apology. Hearing her words, he simply stared ahead a moment. She was absolutely right, but Rhys didn’t know where to start or how to do any of that. And, like with anything else, he worried about doing it alone.

Rhys didn’t speak again until they stood just outside The Leaky’s Cauldron’s entrance, though out of the way of the many patrons entering and exiting the premises. He always had so much right on the tip of his tongue but never the right way to get it out. A lump immediately formed in his throat as he dared near those compartmentalized feelings. ”You know she ghosted me for an entire month.” His voice was low, energy focused on maintaining his composure. Even his posture had him physically sulking. Rhys crossed his arms and continued to not look up. ”And then she left me…” This ‘funk’ Rhys existed in didn’t feel escapable. And in response, his walls had gone up so high not even he could scale them anymore.

Logically, Rhys knew not everybody had left him. Nell was here, wasn’t she? And despite her schedule. But Rhys felt so utterly alone, but simultaneously, he kept telling himself it wasn’t a surprise, was it? They weren’t kids anymore. Juniper had clearly grown up and realized she wanted better things. Rhys was just some stepping stone because where would a Greyback go in the world? He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, unsure how to word his thoughts. ”I guess im just tired of everyone being right about me.” Years of doubters and bullies telling him he would never amount to anything. He wasn’t good enough for a McGonagall or anyone with such an ‘important’ name. It all never felt so true. Clearly, Juniper had also realized it.

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Merlin, she felt bad for him. Thinking back on all of it – on his relationship with Juniper – it all began because she knocked over a stupid cauldron in Potions. The trajectory had been set from that day forward, and this is where they had all landed. Nell was positive that despite how things had turned out, Rhys had more good times than bad. At least, she’d never heard of any problems until it all happened. Pausing outside of the pub as she listened to him talk, she tried her best not to look guilty, because despite not having any hand in it at all, she was still the one that had caused the little thread of fate to connect. Now she was playing clean up, hoping to find all of the pieces that Rhys had shattered into and to put them back where they belonged. Forcing it wasn’t going to work for all of those parts, but she was going to do her damn best to get them close.

Listening to him, Nell realized that it was a lot worse than she had thought. Her terminology had been off. This was more like an earth-shattering realization he was going through instead of a standard break-up depression. Stepping up to him, she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Because she felt like he needed that right now more than anything. ”That’s not a bad thing you know,” Nell said quietly. ”It just means that you’re honest with who you are and what you’re feeling.” She didn’t know what it felt like to have the one you loved leave like that. She didn’t even have an event in her life that she could come close to compare it to. Nell also refused to see the negativity that she was sure he was alluding to. ”You’ve got a cool job and siblings now. And I think I’m a pretty good friend too, so it’s not all that bad, is it?” she added as she stood back and gave him a pat on the side of the arm.

rhys alexander greyback ● 346 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

the future is bulletproof

the aftermath is secondary

Fall 2022
eleanor gwendolen ollivander

Even in their school years, Rhys had always done a terrible job checking in with his friends. It was a proximity that had kept them in touch. A shared common room and class schedule, plus meal breaks. Otherwise, Rhys would have likely gone through much of it all alone. At this point, it was beginning to hit Rhys how much he had not shared with Nell. Someone whom he wanted to claim as his oldest friend at this point. Despite the doubt, Rhys knew that much to be true, unlike the last six years with Juniper. Hindsight had molded his memories with seeds of doubt and left him wondering when she had stopped loving him and how long had she strung him along.

Painful knots began to form in his stomach and his chest. Usually, by this point, he would already be pouring whiskey or whatever he had one hand down his throat to numb the pain, like working quickly to pour water on a fire. And there was always that strange disconnected feeling. He didn’t know how to describe it except it was like standing in the snow and seeing your fingers, but you couldn’t feel them. Arms wrapped around his midsection, and Rhys remembered where they were.

It took him a few moments to respond as he fought to push his feelings down, but he reciprocated the hug. Rhys wasn’t used to feeling this emotional. He typically never let himself get this far. These clashing feelings of the heartbreak from Juniper and knowing his best friend was right here proved an intense combination. She stepped back, and Rhys gave a half-hearted but genuine grin. ” Yeah—right.” He responded voice still not as strong as he would’ve liked. ”And you are a good friend—a best friend.” Rhys corrected himself. The reminder was needed that the void in his life wasn’t as gigantic as he felt it was.

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