run our mouths [addy]

[addilyn elara slater]

you make my world spin,

placebo feelings

Mid-October 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Jack rejected her answer. Addy knew it was a weak one. It wasn’t false but those handful of words communicated nothing. But maybe it just wasn’t the right word for the feeling swirling in her chest. Feeling his hand so close to her face brought Addy out of her thoughts. Those non-stop spiraling thoughts filling her ears with a constant noise. The faces of her ex-boyfriend, friends, family, coworkers, even Jack passed by in her mind. And sometimes clarity felt like falling off your broom. It was the same sensation in her stomach.

”I want…” Addy kept her voice and eyes low, focusing on his chest for the moment. ”I want people to look at me like you do.” The words almost completely rolled out on their own. Like Addy wasn’t fully in charge and therefore unable to stop it and control every little thing. ”You don’t want anything from me.” Addy loved her family, and her friends. But they all pulled at some different part of her, whether they were aware or not. The pulling from all directions wasn’t comfortable, but neither was the alternative. Addy feared cutting all those lines would leave her alone—leave her forgotten.

Addy always told herself she knew what she was getting into. But nobody could ever really claim that. Obviously, Addy knew what Jack wanted in the physical sense. But that wasn’t her angle. A sense of liberation always accompanied the lack of demands and she supposed that’s where the ‘fun’ she’d thought about earlier came into play. She shook her head lightly, Addy felt a little ridiculous. Like some young teenage girl thinking everything happened for a reason—but it didn’t.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack knew Addy better than for her to offer him a weak answer. So when he denied it, she didn't look too put out. More like she'd been expecting as much. She focused on a spot somewhere below his chin, and thought about what she really wanted. Jack waited, more patiently than he'd ever waited for something in his life. And when the sweet sound of her voice formed the thoughts knocking about in her head, Jack was taken aback. His first instinct was that he had wanted something from her - something very much. But when he mulled on the meaning of it, he realised exactly what she meant.

Jack didn't burden Addy with expectation. Their non-relationship didn't work like that. Neither had any sort of hang ups, and and there was a freedom to it. To enjoy one another's company without expecting love to follow. When they were together, it was almost like they existed outside of space and time. And when the weight of expectation slammed down afterwards, it was neither's fault. It was just the way reality happened. After a few long beats of silence, Jack spoke. "Maybe you should write songs. That was poetic," said Jack, lightening the mood considerably. But the tension between them held strong, crackling with energy.

Jack wanted to touch Addy, to kiss her and to hold her. But he knew all that would come later - at the moment, he had a duty to uphold. He stepped away from Addy, and further into the flat. He picked up his favourite guitar, a Fender dreadnought acoustic, and pulled the strap over his head. He plucked a pick from his pocket, still leading the way through the flat. They settled onto a well worn couch that sagged considerably in the middle. Jack sat on the arm of one, plucking experimentally at the guitar strings. He took good, loving care of the instrument. At last, Jack looked up, and fixed Addy with one of those questioning looks. A look that said he wanted nothing at all and everything all at once. Then he began to play. And then, he began to sing.

"Wallow in the mire and then you're at the pinnacle..."

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

you make my world spin,

placebo feelings

Mid-October 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

For a moment, Addy wondered if what she said made sense or was entirely stupid. But he finally responded, although not with what Addy expected. But what had she expected? It wasn’t as though they had the type of relationship where they said and bared their souls to one another. And yet, every once in a while these tid bits snuck out from the depths where one would hide what really ailed them. Addy was good at getting what she wanted and her way but the people she cared most about in the world were her weakness. And how could she tell her closests friends that she was exhausted of everybody wanting something from her?

There was a pause, but it was far from awkward. And it felt as though both were holding their breath. Addy knew if she reached out and grabbed Jack’s hand or put a hand to his chest that it would only be a whirlwind after that. So, it was best he took that step back and Addy returned to the present focusing on his remark. With a slight chuckle he responded dryly. ”I wouldn’t want you to have competition.” Even Addy knew that music would never be a strength, her brain didn’t quite work like that. But she would not admit that outloud.

Jack walked further into the flat and Addy followed, observing her new surroundings curiously. It was different than the flat she shared with the girls if only because girls simply seemed more organized most of the time. Well, sometimes. Addy had visited where Cheese lived and that was an entirely different level of chaos. She took a seat on the couch, turning slightly to face him better as he played. Addy listened, the lyrics floating through her mind. They were just words and yet they floated easily through her walls like ghosts. And soon the song was over. Addy almost wanted to hear it again. ”You should play that one at the pub.” She suggested. ”Are you going to tell me what inspired that one?” She fully expected his last ‘genius’ excuse, but she was curious nonetheless.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack commented that with a mind like that, she ought to write songs. It was a light, playful jibe, though he was half serious. She thought deeply and carefully about every action she took. It was a shame that her thoughtfulness came at the expense of expectations burdened upon her. He wondered what she would be like if Claire Slater wasn't her sister. The golden girl. Who had done everything right and succeeded at every turn. Jack couldn't imagine how his life would be if Mal had set out that level of competition. At least they were friendly about it, and had completely different paths. Smirking at her response, Jack shook his head, lifting the guitar and giving it an experimental strum.

"Darling, you're not the only one. Only one. Only one. Only one..." he finished, having never taken his eyes off Addy throughout the song. He looked down at long last, nodded, then unslung the guitar from around his neck, leaning it against the sofa. Addy commented that Jack should play that one at the pub, and he laughed. "Nah, I'd rather people pay for that one. You just get a special preview," said Jack with a grin. It was easy for him to be open with Addy - as they'd already discussed how neither wanted any sort of expectations from the other. And when you didn't have that, you lost a lot of the issues that came with friendships and more. They found each other, existed together in their little bubble, and then went about their merry lives. Happily enough.

"Slater, do you just want me to admit that you're the inspiration for a whole bunch of songs lately?" asked Jack, a note of playful accusation in his voice. "I wrote this one back at Hogwarts." A night that had been wild and free, inspired by his friends and the love they had for one another. How things had changed since them - it seemed that time slipped past them and they didn't even know it. "Didn't you have those nights at school when you just did wild shit, no consequences, no fear?" asked Jack, tilting his head inquisitively.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

you make my world spin,

placebo feelings

Mid-October 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

There were small breaks in Addy’s life where her mind wasn’t swirling with errands she had to run, tasks to complete, and what she had to do at work the following day. Just like in the pub, listening to Jack play distracted her from all that. And Merlin knew she was grateful for that peace, however fleeting it was. This song was a little more upbeat than the others, although his lyrics were just as creative. Addy sat perpendicular to the back of the sofa, her shoulder leaning comfortably on the worn material. She hadn’t expected Jack’s response, but she knew that couldn’t have been true.

Creative and artistic minds were fascinating things. However, Addy only really thought about it because the idea that somebody thought of her in such a way to create something still left her a little uncomfortable. But only because she wondered why her? She briefly thought of Cheese and his photography but pushed it away quickly. ”A whole bunch?” She raised an eyebrow, although playfully. The pair individually had their ego and pride, after all. But, just as it often did, her mind wandered to her ex-boyfriend. She was always the rule follower, never straying from her path. Addy's eyes shifted to look away for a moment. ”The Annual Night Scrimmage.” As Quidditch Captain, Addy had been almost obligated to attend. But she could admit it was a thrilling experience.

She could only recall her last year and those compulsions she couldn’t stop to find a certain Hufflepuff boy. Addy realized she’d barely spoken about him to anyone since the past spring. ”Brigh would have died from laughter if she heard you ask me that.” A slight grin appeared on her face. ”I didn’t really…Brigh was the adventurous one.” She admitted.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack smirked. He'd showed his hand, but in truth, he didn't mind. He liked having Addy around. She inspired him to write something great. And he'd been lucky enough that she liked his sound - now Jack just had to get the rest of the world on board. "Aye, Addy. A whole bunch," he confirmed, reaching out to playfully ruffle her hair. Jack asked if Addy had ever had those nights when she was absolutely free of rules, free of expectation. He didn't expect a real answer from her. It was one of those more vague and thoughtful questions that spurred conversation. He didn't think that Addy Slater would have a wild bone in her body, except for when she met him.

But Addy's response threw Jack for six. He didn't know anything about this night scrimmage - most likely because it sounded like it involved sports, and Jack didn't approve of wizarding sports. He knew Addy had been a big name on the Quidditch team, and by piecing two and two together, Jack came to the conclusion that the Night Scrimmage was an unsanctioned Quidditch event between houses. "Oh?" he asked, tilting his head, inviting her to give more detail. "Aye, the chatty, ginger one of you two?" asked Jack, recalling the redhead who had caught Mal's eye then subsequently blueballed him. The idea of Mal getting turned down still made Jack smile.

"Luckily for you, there's still time for adventure. Though I don't reckon you'll get much of that sat behind a desk, so you'll have to make time," Jack reasoned. He rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully. "What do you expect out of the next year of your life?" asked Jack, looking back at Addy. What he wanted was for her to think of an expectation, then he'd find a way to do the complete opposite. Safety and comfort did not an artist make.

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

you make my world spin,

placebo feelings

Mid-October 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy closed her eyes as his hand mussed with her hair. When he finished, she instinctively ran her hand through to settle stray hairs. She couldn’t have those blonde waves of hers going in every direction. Jack had a gift for doing so, apparently. ”Well, I hope you don’t forget us when you’re famous and touring with the Weird Sisters.” Addy had bit her tongue in time to stop herself from saying ‘me’. They weren’t anything but friends. She almost felt safe enough to bare her soul because he wouldn’t tell her what it was supposed to look like or assume it hadn’t changed over the years.

She nodded. ”Don’t forget loud.” She chuckled. Brigh was everything Addy was not. The best friends were two halves of a whole. ”We’ve been best friends since first year.” Sometimes, it felt like yesterday, and other days it felt like millennia had passed. But on the note about her work, Addy couldn’t even fight that claim. She was doing the safe thing and a job she liked, but it was quiet some days. ”Right…” All she seemed to do these days was work and keep her head down. Just push through until she felt alright again.

At Jack’s question, she let out a thoughtful sigh through her nostrils. ”Well, my internship finishes in the Spring.” Addy was excited about that. Hopefully, her work would be a bit more advanced than the grunt work she had now. There wasn’t much in mind for her future. It was easier to focus on the present. At least staying single had helped in that regard, less uncontrollable things to worry about. ”I expect I’ll be given more responsibility at work.” That was basically a fact at this point, right? But facts felt better than any long-forgotten dreams.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Jack smirked. "They'll be opening for me one day, you watch," said Jack confidently. He had half a mind to sweep her into his arms and kiss her, because he knew what she was really thinking. Don't forget about me. Jack didn't think he ever would, even if saying it aloud would complicate their friendship. A friendship that worked perfectly well for him, without any of the nasty attachments. "Chatty and loud are synonyms," he reasoned. "But I'll allow it before you give me a hiding for trying to prove you wrong."

It was strange to think that Addy and Brígh had been friends since first year. Especially since Jack had a built in best friend in Mal. Despite their competition and Mal's melodramatics, Jack knew that his brother would stand by him. Jack questioned what Addy wanted out of life - and that whatever it was, she probably wouldn't be getting it sat behind a desk. Jack leaned back against the sofa, throwing an arm lazily along the back of it. Addy seemed hesitate to take the road less traveled, to chase safety rather than her real desires. And Jack, sadly, was doing the same. Why was he in training to be a hit wizard with no desire to do so?

Addy sighed and Jack shifted slightly. He raised a brow at her as she said that her internship would finish in the spring. "And that's what you want to do? Wither away with responsibility after responsibility instead of doing what you really want?" he asked, watching her carefully. "I'm going to quit the hitwizard programme. I hate it. It won't make me happy, even with the money," he admitted to her. "It's terrifying. But I can't watch myself become a suit, slogging away, a dreadful circle that never ends, feeding the greed of the one percent," Jack tapped his head. "Being jaded has gotten me far."

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

you make my world spin,

placebo feelings

Mid-October 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy wondered what it would be like to know someone with that fame. She knew professional Quidditch players, and even then, in her mind, they were still her classmates. A small but uncomfortable knot formed in her stomach. Jack had a dream and the talent to see it through. It certainly didn’t help his current track of Hitwizard training—the safer option (so to speak). Addy rolled her eyes and grinned. He already knew her somewhat well, it seemed. She’d argue he was wrong. One didn’t need to be loud to be chatty. Brigh was unique in her compulsive need to speak at a volume any librarian would disapprove of.

The knot lingered in her stomach, but she ignored it. Much as she did other similar feelings that passed through. Unsurprisingly, Jack didn’t appear convinced. But how could he when Addy hardly felt convinced herself? Did she enjoy her work? Of course. But the excitement had long gone, and every day began to feel exactly the same. Or at least it had this entire year when things started to slide in her life, revealing the shakey foundation. Cheese had asked her a similar question over a year ago, and her response had been quick and sharp.

In hindsight, he hadn’t deserved that. And especially not the fight it ultimately led to. Addy paused, trying to focus on the answer in her mind. Addy knew it was right in the forefront but could not visualize it. But Jack spoke again, catching her attention. Instinctively she thought of a hundred reasons why he shouldn’t. ”Well—what’ll you do then?” Addy didn’t think bartending paid well, but what did she know. Her brow furrowed slightly. What was he thinking? That uncomfortable knot in her stomach grew, although she wouldn’t realize it wasn’t Jack’s fault for some time. ”Did you decide that just now?” She used to get on her friends’ cases about these wild and sometimes irresponsible ideas. She even forgot the question he’d asked her.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

Addy, surprisingly, was the first person to whom Jack had given his wishes a voice. He didn't want to continue on the training course he was on. He'd always known it would be difficult, that it wouldn't make him happy, but he'd countered his misgivings with the fact that the steady flow of cash would be worth it. However, the ends no longer seemed to justify the means. To give up the best years of his life - was that really the recipe for success? He divulged how the training made him miserable, and how he didn't want to do it. Addy's question took him by surprise.

"Well, that's obvious, isn't it?" said Jack, fixing her with a bewildered stare. "I'll make music." To Jack, it was as simple as that. He'd tried the standard route, only to find that it wasn't to his liking. He believed that passion brought true currency, and that was worth more than its weight in gold. Jack appraised Addy, silent for a moment. "No, I didn't decide just now," said Jack at last. "I've been considering it from the very first day of lessons," he added with a frown.

There was a silence between them then, not uncomfortable but certainly weighted. "Can you watch yourself become a cog in the machine?" asked Jack quietly. "Are you so confident that you aren't meant for something greater? That you have something unique to offer?" he asked. Jack as a hit wizard would bring nothing to the table. But his music... that was a completely different story. He wanted to feed the raw emotion in his audience, to incite hope and anger and decisive action. Jack reached out and cupped Addy's cheek with his hand. "I think you're more than that."

addilyn elara slater

[addilyn elara slater]

you make my world spin,

placebo feelings

Mid-October 2027
JOHN ELLIOT CLARK

Addy’s questions had left her mouth before she could stop herself. A force of habit, and one that felt almost impossible to break. This was part of the little things that frustrated her. As much as she tried to relax and live her life as her friends always pushed her to do, she couldn’t with so much looming over her head. Jack admitted that this plan had been brewing for some time, and in hindsight, Addy could see it. There was something about the way Jack’s eyes and entire demeanor changed when he had his guitar in his hands. And she never saw it when he mentioned his training.

And then he touched the subject that had slowly begun to creep into her mind over the past year or more. It made her pause. She didn’t know the answer, and Addy always had some kind of answer or solution. That was the role she’d fallen into and where she had succeeded. Addy had always distinguished herself through academia or even quidditch, but even she had to admit it wasn’t unique. Her internship showed her that as she competed and worked alongside many others, much like herself. Headstrong, intelligent, ambitious—Addy wasn’t one of a kind among them.

She looked away as she thought. Her mind felt like it was stuck on a loop with her thoughts. Jack’s hand on her face brought Addy back, and she looked at him. There was always sincerity in his eyes. Cheese had an incredible eye for photography and capturing a moment perfectly. Brigh also had a creative mind but mixed it with her sense of adventure. ”I know I’m only an intern, but I like my work.” She always told herself there was still much to do and learn. ”I’ll get to do so much more when my training is done.” Addy spoke calmly. Moving past the grunt work opened doors and perhaps a way to make herself relevant through this work. Addy wanted to pull away. Such a gesture was pushing at walls she’d learn to leave up. But shouldn’t escape that magnetic draw to Jack either, nor did she want to.

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[JOHN ELLIOT CLARK]

At Addy's response, Jack eyed her, his mouth flattening into a thin line. He didn't understand. Why was she so stubborn? It was clear to him that there was so much potential, and Addy was just giving it all up to take the easy track. Jack had tried that - briefly, but he was quick to decide that it wasn't worth it. To have passion for something more was such a beautiful thing - it deserved to be cherished, not hidden away. Jack could goad and press Addy all he wanted, but as he looked at her now, there was a blockade there.

There was a flatness to Addy's voice, almost as if she was giving Jack the most practiced answer. Like she was trying to convince herself as much as him. He dropped his hand from her cheek, disappointed. All at once, the energy went out of him. "I'm tired," said Jack sourly, shifting so he could rise from the sofa. He turned towards Addy. "You're welcome to stay if you like," he offered, but there was a coolness to his tone that was at odds with it. "Thanks for coming to see me," he added, by way of dismissal before shuffling from the room.

[end Jack]
addilyn elara slater