white noise | bianca

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

True to her word, Bianca had not gone anywhere. Everything felt comfortable, even domestic at times. The previous year had not been smooth sailing, but a relationship never was. However, nothing that threatened to throw either of them overboard. At the end of the day, you had two individuals with powerful personalities and powerful jobs. Cade was a newspaperman, skilled with words as his weapon. Bianca was an Auror whose glare was more powerful than any spell. Nobody would have thought Cade was as capable as a duelist, much as they wouldn’t have pictured Bianca with any sort of a gentle side.

Certain things did begin to wear. Not a lot, but a little bit. Enough to ignore most of the time but the awareness never quite left. Cade didn’t like secrets, but he knew appearances were important. So his visits to the Ministry weren’t often, especially if they were to maintain that he was just here on business and was not having a good time. Really, it was quite the opposite. Cade walked through the Atrium, passing through the visitor’s process. The instructions were seared into his brain, but he let the employee speak them.

And from here, it was all memory as well. From the Atrium, he merely needed to take the lift down to the second to last level. As it were, Cade did have actual work to attend to. So, he felt a bit more legitimate during his visit. The world had settled a bit. Everybody who held their breath through the entirety of the previous year could breathe now. The new school opened and appeared to be a success so far. This brought other issues to the forefront. The barrier was still down in Hy-Brasil, so incidents involving magical beasts filled small articles in the paper, but everybody seemed to have the same question. What was the Ministry going to do about it?

Cade exited the lift and trailed behind other visitors and employees. The red of the Auror’s robes and the deep black of Hit Wizards mixed with the other Law Enforcement support staff. However, Cade’s shoulder lightly bumped into someone. He turned quickly, apologizing to the individual, but he recognized the face. Of course, the new Head of the Department of Mysteries. Cade had yet to introduce himself. With such things, the Editor typically became the Daily Prophet's face for a few days. Cade had recognized as someone Bianca spoke to, but she had probably spoken to everyone here at some point. They exchanged a few pleasantries, some small talk, and promises of future conversations and visits, and then Cade continued his walk toward the offices.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

3 February 2028

It still felt odd to see him at work, to recognize the complete dissonance between the Ministry and home. And really, Bianca had never thought of a place outside of work as ‘home’ since the day she’d left Chile for England – but Cade had a habit of doing that to her. He took all the basic certainties of her life and turned them upside down, found gentle and subtle ways to weave himself into her life in a way she could never have imagined. The job had always been the only thing that mattered and she’d worn herself down to the bone to catch the bad guy and made the arrest. Personal safety was an afterthought, risky and bold leads were her trademark, and her arrest rate was worth burning the midnight oil (even on holidays, even on birthdays).

At least until she’d started thinking of her flat as ‘home.’ Because now she had pictures and souvenirs and little personal touches instead of a place that could be called barely lived-in. And now she spent weekends there, and moved her owl’s cage aside to make room for his too, and there was someone to text her and ask what she wanted for dinner. And now she had a Batman toaster for the world’s most badass bread to kick toast villain ass. As far as things went at home, it was good. Soothing. Easy to leave behind the turbulence of the Ministry and go back to somewhere she felt safe, with someone who made her feel like a human being instead of Auror Number 17. There were stupid fights, and big fights even, but she’d told him she loved him and wasn’t going anywhere. And Merlin, that was not a light promise for her.

But it still felt odd to see him at work. Because at the Ministry, none of that existed. There was only the stormy Head of Law Enforcement and the charismatic Prophet editor. Cade sent his reporters to do their work, and sometimes came down himself to pry for a story and ask difficult questions. He didn’t give her any special attention, chatted politely with all the Aurors and Hit Wizards, and looked very single to anybody who was paying attention. That bothered her. More and more as it started to cross her mind. But she knew why it had to be this way, the sort of attention and criticism she would get if this relationship ever became public. There would be skeptical Ministry folk wondering if she was passing information to the Prophet, there would be cynics complaining that she was earning unfair media attention (using her feminine wiles, so to speak) and there would be questions. So many unwanted questions.

She’d wasted her entire morning with Felix, discussing the security measures for some secret Unspeakable conference whose subject she wasn’t even allowed to know (even though they were coworkers!). Rolling her eyes to herself, Bianca shooed him out of the office and watched him go impassively. Her eyes passed over the floor as her assistant chattered on about schedules and itinerary approvals, although her whole body stiffened at the sight of Felix. Talking to Cade. About what?! She heard a ringing in her ears because – there was no way they could be discussing her, right? They didn’t know each other. Why was he even here? Bianca didn’t quite register that she was moving until she stood in front of Cade, hands on her hips and Felix nowhere in sight (that was probably for the best). “What are you doing?” she demanded, not quite sure what she was asking but unable to deny the strange anxiety in her chest at seeing her boyfriend talk to – she didn’t even know how to phrase it. Her former-something. It was unnatural. It couldn't happen again.

cade owen woodward

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

Cade didn’t quite recognize the expression on Bianca’s face. At least it was unfamiliar in this context. At the Ministry—work, he was used to her attitude, snarky comments, and her dismissal of him while people were looking. But they knew what they were doing. This look in her eyes changed Cade’s expression to one of confusion. It didn’t fit. He’d only see such a look outside of work. ”Good afternoon, Ms. Rivera. I was just making my way to the Hitwizard Office.” He responded cooly, still confused at the question and the tone. Clearly, he was working.

In the past few seconds, his mind tried to go through what had changed between seeing her that morning before she apparated to work and now. Cade had gone to the Daily Prophet headquarters as he always did. Files sat on his desk to review, which he took care of quickly, knowing that the closer the hour got to lunch, the more people would walk into his office. ”If you must know, I also have a meeting with the Senior Undersecretary as well.” Cade’s eyes focused on Bianca, hopefully, able to communicate his confusion and the questions he wished he could ask here. To any spectator, nothing seemed out of place. Just another testy interaction between the charming Senior Editor and the stoic Head of Law Enforcement. At least that bit of privacy in this public place was guaranteed.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

It bothered Bianca how unflappable he could be sometimes. Here they were in an emergency situation, with two worlds in the middle of colliding with one another, and he’d just called her Ms. Rivera. Like Bianca hadn’t just switched from Department Head to Auror mode, easily entering survival mode like it was where she spent most of her time (which, she supposed, was true enough). Cade looked confused, but he still said the right words and kept his body language relaxed like there was a script they were following and he knew how the scene would end. He’d spent time on this floor in the past, and there was nothing unusual about that, but he’d never met Felix before. And they’d certainly never had a real conversation as far as she knew.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Bianca knew there was nothing to be panicky about. The Prophet had a right to visit the Ministry, Department Heads spoke to each other all the time, and Bianca and Cade had worked quite hard to keep a low profile. But it felt like there were so many bad scenarios floating around in her head and Bianca felt her pulse rushing. Because Felix had definitely noticed something at the Christmas party, and Cade knew the last person she’d been seeing before him was from the Ministry (even if she’d never elaborated beyond that). There was a faint buzz of interest from the crowd, or at least those that were familiar with the time Bianca had gone down to Prophet headquarters to yell at the Editor.

Bianca didn’t see the point in cross-examining him on whatever meetings he might have that day – that wasn’t the problem. “Why were you talking to him?” she demanded, “What could you possibly want from him?” It was hard to deny that she didn’t want Cade and Felix talking to each other. Things with Felix had ended messily, and they’d never really talked about why it hadn’t worked out. It was easier to keep things vague and pretend there hadn't been feelings involved. But if Cade poked into the past, he would want to know more, and that would force Bianca to examine those feelings of hurt and betrayal…and why she was so sensitive at any sign that Cade might be lying to her. She hated the thought of diving into her baggage.

cade owen woodward

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

Cade’s casual response clearly did not sit well with Bianca. A few people lingered as they pretended to pour fresh coffee into their already full mugs. It was no secret the animosity between the Prophet and her department. So, while it wasn’t a surprise that Bianca was facing off with the Editor—it didn’t make it any less entertaining for spectators. She’d gone to the Prophet to yell at him once. Why not on her turf this time? Cade cleared his throat, furrowing his brow a bit. While they weren’t quite at two years together, Cade thought he’d spent enough time with Bianca to know what this was, but all he could conclude was that something was way off.

”Teller?” Cade questioned. He’d almost forgotten that he’d literally bumped into him on the way in. What did he have to do with this? ”I didn’t realize it was a crime to greet a new Department Head.” Cade kept his expression neutral and light. It was what the public was used to seeing. A calm Cade Woodward facing off against the fiery and fierce Bianca Rivera. Really, his expression behind that mask was far different. And he needed a way to regain control of the conversation before the scene took a new tone they weren’t ready for.

”Unless the law changed.” Cade clenched his jaw, pulling from the list of topics he usually steered clear because it was akin to starting a forest fire. ”I’d compliment you and the Ministry if it did. We wouldn’t want another incident involving a Department Head, would we?” Cade knew he had taken a big risk, but he hadn’t been prepared for the force she’d approached him with. How did you fight a hurricane in an instant? ”Which reminds me, the Editor wanted me to pass along some questions. Perhaps we can discuss them in your office?” He suggested. There were no questions, of course, but he was trying to find them some privacy so he could ask Bianca what in the world she was going on about. Plus, such a remark and probable response made their cover more believable.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Being angry was a sort of out-of-body experience for Bianca most of the time. It didn’t take much to push her into survival mode, and her instincts usually took over from there. There were a few ways to try and cool her temper – like eating a snack, trying a calming voice – but most of the time it was usually a matter of letting her anger blow over until she was in-control again. Cade seemed to have learned that over the last year and something, and the specific details of their relationship meant that they didn't fight in public anyway. And at home -- well, they could talk without filtering their words. So this was a first for them, although Bianca had never been good at being subtle. There was some vague part of her that was aware of the scene she was causing, but it was definitely not the decision-making part of her brain right now. It aggravated her that Cade could stay so calm, because it meant that whatever he said in the moment – well, he usually meant it.

And she felt that irritation flare into a familiar anger at the dig towards the whole Asher fiasco. “Oh very good, another subtle attempt from the Prophet to find a sensational story to raise readership. Do I even need to answer? Why let reality get in the way of a good story,” Bianca shot back, feeling that same cocktail of emotions coursing through her veins every time someone mentioned Asher Burke. Anger, betrayal, a little shame. She finally took her first real breath since she’d marched out to confront Cade, and Bianca felt herself return to her body a little bit. Was she really arguing with him about Asher in the middle of a crowded Ministry floor? He was still trying to catch her eye as if to ask what had happened, and Bianca pursed her lips at the thought that they were half-arguing about Felix. Couldn't the past just stay dead?

“Always more questions,” she muttered under her breath, because she was sure Cade was going to have questions (even if the Editor didn’t have anything to do with it). But he was right, as much as that annoyed her, so Bianca spent one more moment stewing in her anger before she turned sharply on her heel and marched towards her office. She waited barely a moment after he closed the door behind him to repeat her original message. It seemed important to just get it out and make her point. “You two don’t have anything to talk about. So just don’t.”

cade owen woodward

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

The door clicked closed as Cade closed it. Turning to face her completely, he crossed his arms as usual in moments like this. But instead of his calm and cool expression in public, he looked perplexed, even a little annoyed. Absolutely nobody would be surprised to learn that Bianca had a temper in their relationship, but it didn’t mean Cade wasn’t capable. It took much longer for him to snap back. His patience, however, sometimes had the unintended effect of fueling whatever fire Bianca managed to start. She spoke—no, she ordered Cade not to talk to someone, and Cade merely looked at her, trying to figure out this new riddle.

He wanted to ask what the hell that was out there. Why the scene? Was she cursed in some way? Was something else going on in the Department of Mysteries that she didn’t want him to know about? That one seemed likely, considering Cade was always upfront in his determination not to hold back in his job because of her. ”Why?” Cade asked, patiently waiting for an answer. Or perhaps she would just throw more orders around at him. ”I’m not one of your Aurors you can order around, Bianca.” Cade reminded her, though cutting off his sentence short. He had never said the words ‘I’m your boyfriend’ within the Ministry’s walls before. It still felt too public. But he wasn’t asking her as a journalist.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

The silence of the office rang loud as Bianca resisted the urge to pace in front of her desk. She needed to be in motion, because the adrenaline was coursing through her veins and she was ready to fight. But Cade was standing perfectly still like he was carved from rock, staring at her intently like he was trying to read her thoughts. So Bianca mirrored his stance and stood across from him, having said exactly as much as she wanted to say in as few words as possible. A small part of her wanted to do this without emotions, but he was clearly reeling and she was still upset that he’d brought up Asher in front of half her workforce – so she grit her teeth and waited for the inevitable questions.

The ’why’ was predictable, but Bianca felt a trickle of shame as he pointed out the obvious. She was so used to handing out orders and not being questioned that it always seemed like such a sharp contrast when he didn’t allow it. It was one of the things she liked about him – the way he could challenge her, talk to her like an equal – but it was also incredibly aggravating sometimes. Like now, when they were toeing around a painful topic and Bianca wanted nothing more than to change the subject. She held their eye contact a moment longer, but there was a complicated swirl of emotions in her chest and it wasn’t all anger. She looked away a moment later and mumbled, “I know that.” There was a beat of silence while Bianca shifted in discomfort, then she released her breath. “I don’t want to talk about it. There’s bad history, and you don’t need to know more.”

cade owen woodward

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

The room almost felt stuffy as Bianca fumed angrily, and a strange tension filled the air. At least their little scene was believable regarding the emotions whirling around. Cade wasn’t often angry. His patience extended quite far when he wanted it to, but in moments like this, he fought to reel it in. They were in public and her place of work, no less. And also, Cade couldn’t afford to look anything less than professional in the Ministry of Magic. At the same time, her demands—no, her orders to him certainly rubbed the wrong way. It wasn’t the type of disrespect he stood for when it was far different in private.

And then his emotions shifted from concern to anger and then a mix of both. Cade kept his eyes on Bianca, but she didn’t continue. He was waiting for an explanation she was determined to keep far away from him. ”Bad history?” He repeated before looking at her incredulously. ”Bianca, you can’t just drop you have bad history with someone, let alone another department head, and not say what it is?” Something burned in his core, and these weren’t words from the Senior Assistant Editor of the Daily Prophet anymore. With a light scoff, Cade shook his head lightly. ”I don’t need to know more?” This wasn’t some matter of national security or secret Purifier takedown.

How often had her department heard those words from her? Surely, many times. But Cade wasn’t one of her employees. ”No, Bianca. I do need to know more.” Something stung in his chest, a familiar feeling. His mind raced back to the time period after the Hogwarts fire and how they butted heads over the issue of Asher Burke and the other Purifiers. Her actions, his newspaper, and the divide were caused by what she could or would not tell him. Fundamentally, how they treated and viewed the truth differed, but since it was all for the common good, they made it work. ”I really thought we were past this—you and your secrets.” Deception and omission were the same in Cade’s book. This wasn’t some fling where they owed each other nothing. She wasn’t telling him something that was clearly a key piece in her story, or she wouldn’t react this way, and that journalistic instinct to find that piece was kicking in.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

She didn’t want to admit how shaken she was from seeing her past and present collide in such a visible way. Bianca liked that feeling of control, because she knew exactly how it felt to be at the mercy of someone else with nothing standing between her and the darkness. More than that, she needed the control because otherwise there was no way to stay anchored. Those brief moments in the past of helplessness and uncertainty had taught her what it felt like to be afraid and alone and overwhelmed, and that brief taste had only reinforced how badly she needed to protect herself so she wouldn’t feel it again. Bianca was talented at that, for the most part. In most things. She knew how to be tough and get her people in line, make decisions and then defend them, to be the one always in control of what happened next.

Seeing Cade, falling for him – that had been the most difficult challenge in learning how to let go of that control sometimes. Their relationship had eventually gotten to a point where she’d had to make a choice whether to stick to her old philosophy, the same one she’d always preached as a fool-proof way of keeping your life predictable and your heart safe, or…to make a change. Learning to share, learning to compromise, learning what it meant to value someone else’s happiness and needs to keep them in your life. The fear had faded but sometimes it came rushing back, flooding her veins with adrenaline and leaving Bianca to struggle with that impulse to lock it all inside and hide away the parts that made her vulnerable.

The pain written on his face was worse than the anger. Bianca knew how to respond to anger, and hadn’t she’d been engaged in a constant battle of wills since the first time she’d heard ever heard the word no? But seeing Cade look at her like she’d hurt him never failed to cause a painful stab to her stomach or encourage that unsteady feeling that maybe she was doing something wrong. Bianca couldn’t bear to stand still and she began to pace again, waving her hands as if she could clear his final accusation from the air. “Don’t pretend it’s so easy to talk about painful things,” Bianca shot back, whirling around to face him. “You make it sound like I like to keep secrets. This is how I have to be! I have no room for…for doubt or regrets or to show everyone...” Bianca cut herself off, fought with herself for a moment before she continued in a strangled voice, “…how scared I am. They need me to be decisive, they need to see that I’m capable.” It was more than just being in a senior position -- she had an entire department counting on her. Aurors and Hit Wizards in the field who relied on her decisions, criminals that might get away if she wasn't decisive enough, a public that expected her to see and know everything.

She quieted, and her thoughts turned to Felix. She hadn’t expected the chemistry from their first meeting, or for there to have ever been feelings involved. But nothing could change how badly she’d misread the situation, and how foolish it still made her feel even years later. The way he’d continued to see her even after his sudden marriage, how long it had taken her to find out…Wringing her hands together, Bianca slouched against her desk and tried to ignore the pounding in her head. She couldn’t bear to look at Cade as she finally admitted, “I’m ashamed. Is that what you want to hear? It’s my job to read people. It’s my job to know the truth. And I just…got things so wrong with him.” She’d avoided sharing details with Cade about the people she’d seen before him. He’d always been so certain of how he felt, and too perceptive when it came to reading other people. Even a little judgmental once he’d made a decision and someone else's behavior didn't track with what was right. It seemed impossible that he could understand why seeing Felix dredged up painful reminders, or why the thought of him speaking with Cade worried her that he might learn something she wished would stay dead in the past. She didn't want him to know what an absolute failure she'd been.

cade owen woodward

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

Cade couldn’t understand the wall he faced. Like a sudden shadow clouded his line of sight as she pushed him out the gates. And did she even hear herself? Bad history? Cade’s mind went wild with interpretations. What did that even mean? And anger built in his stomach as he tried not to think the worst. Merlin knew it would take everything not to go after the new Department Head if that were the case. It would cost him quite a bit, but he loved Bianca even as her responses made him shake his head in disbelief.

”Don’t you?” Cade responded. Everything was so close to the chest for her. Had it not been for their respective careers, would they still be so secretive about their relationship? Cade hadn’t thought about it much until now, but his gut told him that Bianca would have found one reason or another to hide them. Her shift in tone carried an emotional weight Cade didn’t often see from her. He paused rather than responding so quickly again. Again, she shook his head while looking away. She didn’t get it. ”Bianca…I’m not them.” Cade could understand how one must act differently at work versus elsewhere, did she?

A quiet moment passed before Bianca spoke again. He was tempted to roll his eyes. She was missing the point—his point. ”But you haven’t told me what you’re ashamed of.” He kept his tone as even as he could, eyes focused on her as she leaned against her desk. Taking a few steps forward, Cade tried to soften his expression and approach. ”Bianca…” Cade swallowed hard, lowering his voice. ”Did…he do something?” Asking the question made him feel a bit nauseous. And in his mind, that felt like a good reason why she might not want to tell him. Otherwise, Cade wasn’t sure what to think.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

It wasn’t like Bianca to get lost in the past. She prided herself on keeping everything firmly rooted in the present, since that was the best way to stay sharp, and so she kept the memories confined to the Pensieve or the occasional bout of Legilimency that the job required. But she certainly never found herself drowning in memories, and she forced herself to anchor herself to this conversation…this fight with Cade now instead of being swept away. Whether he’d realized it or not, Cade had started to slip into his investigative journalist persona and the way she’d seen him tease answers out of his subject. His question was short, direct, a little accusatory as he barely waited a beat between her words and his.

And she hated when he tried to use it against her whenever they fought. She bit back an angry huff as the tense silence between them was finally broken by his answer to her observation that everyone wanted something from her. Because it wasn’t really an answer, at least not one that answered the thing she’d been trying to point out. “Maybe not. But you still have expectations, and you make it so obvious when it’s not what you want.” Bianca pursed her lips as she glanced away, not interested in reading his face to see what he thought about that. That wasn’t the reason they’d started to fight, and she wasn’t interested in starting a spin-off.

Instead, she kept her gaze pointedly fixed away from him towards some random spot on the bookshelf as she heard him move closer. The physical reminder that he was trying to close some of the distance between them caused her to sigh again, a little more frustrated than angry, at the thought that she might need to as well. That it was part of this whole 'communication' thing she'd been trying to be better about. Bianca had been vague with him about her dating history, and her blood boiled at the thought of hearing about his, but it seemed like it was becoming a necessary evil. “Nothing like that,” Bianca said sharply as she leaned on her desk and crossed her arms tightly. “He’s only a cheating hijo de puta,” she muttered angrily a moment later, teeth clenched at the reminder as she finally said it out-loud. Finally glancing at Cade, Bianca flushed scarlet as she felt her fingers digging into her arms and her temper rise again. “There. Now you know. It’s my job to read people, and he went and married a criminal while we were together. I’m quite the Auror, aren’t I?”

cade owen woodward

[cade owen woodward]

it's hard to be what you need

through a static screen

February 3 2028
Bianca Alia Rivera

A rare burse of frustration arose from within Cade. Why was it always like pulling teeth with Bianca? Hadn’t they been together long enough? Did she still fear or not trust him in some way? The thought hurt and brought a way of indignant anger. This only made Cade blind to how hard he had bitten into this issue and refused to let go. The more she pushed and tried to keep him from opening that door, the more Cade convinced himself whatever she hid, he had to know. Otherwise, what she regarded as a harmless bump in the road would one day reveal itself as the mountain it was.

And he could only scoff at her response. Where the hell did that come from? ”And you don’t?” That was the pot calling the kettle black if there ever was a moment. Bianca was hardly known for letting much slide. By this point, she wasn’t looking at him, and Cade could feel the distance growing. The disconnect was evident in the air despite their proximity. At least he could relax when Bianca confirmed that Felix had not done anything inappropriate except cheating, of course. Not that Cade calmed completely, his mind immediately wondering how many feet past arm’s length Bianca had kept him at.

Cade still waited a couple moments to respond, mainly to push angry words back down. ”That’s his loss, isn’t it?” Cade finally spoke calmly. Jealousy simmered along with all the other feelings floating around. But nothing he couldn’t handle. ”I’m sorry you were hurt that way.” He really was. Nobody deserved such betrayal, but what Cade learned over the years was hurtful actions appeared in the smallest of ways as often as they did the largest of ways. Opening his mouth to speak, Cade closed it again before furrowing his brow and shaking his head lightly. ”Bianca, I love you. But if you still think I’d judge you, after all this time, for being human…” Cade trailed off, unsure how to finish that thought. Finally, he sighed, noticing the clock out of the corner of his eye. ”I have to go.” He finally said before following up. ”We’ll talk later.” Just a reassurance, knowing how Bianca was. They simply had to continue this later.

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[Bianca Alia Rivera]

Bianca hadn’t been raised in an environment that allowed her to ‘just’ be human, and she’d internalized the lesson too well after all these years. There was something about being a girl in a Hispanic household that had set different expectations for her from the moment she’d been born, and her brother’s disappointing failure to be everything their parents had wanted had only increased the pressure. She didn’t exist to be emotional, flawed, selfish, dreamy. No. She served a purpose in the family, in the community, and someday with her future partner. She was there to support, to drive things forward, to be the rock so that things could function the way they were supposed to. And she supposed that it wasn’t a coincidence that she’d fallen into a career path where the expectations only grew bigger and the weight on her shoulders only grew heavier.

Her cheeks burned at the failure as she finally admitted it out-loud, and the thoughts in her head grew louder about what everyone would say if they’d have known. There were a lot of unprocessed emotions that she’d never named. Anger, betrayal, jealousy, shame. The wound had festered for years and there had been so many other, bigger things to focus on that this had simply fallen through the cracks. The silence stretched between them and Bianca felt so exposed. Cade had seen many different parts of her – the single-minded determination at work, the competition and camaraderie of Order missions, the painful self-reflection after the fire at Hogwarts, the nostalgia and simple pleasures of watching her favorite movies…but she hated the thought of being vulnerable. Of letting him see these ugly parts of her that existed as surely as all the good parts of her did.

She exhaled when he spoke, because the words came out more calmly than she’d expected. Nor had she imagined that ‘I’m sorry’ was something that could’ve come up in this context. But it didn’t do much to release the tension in her chest. “It’s not that I should’ve known. It shouldn’t have happened. I should’ve…been better in preventing it from happening.” There. She’d finally said it. The toxic little thought that had made a nest in her brain and somehow become a piece of baggage that she’d taken into her next relationship. She hated the thought of all the ways that she might’ve been hurting Cade because she’d never properly processed everything that had happened with Felix. It gave some weight to the slowly blooming thought that improving communication with Cade wasn’t the only thing she needed to do if she truly wanted this relationship. But the thought of talking to someone else about all the things she’d left unspoken over the years – that scared her just about as much as facing a Dark wizard in an alley.

There was a little twinge of anxiety at the words ‘I have to go,’ but a quick glance at her office confirmed that this wasn’t the place to have this kind of conversation. Seeing Cade and Felix rattled her, and she was still completely adamant that there was no reason for them to be in the same room together. But she was at work, and he’d come here to work. There was more silence, but it was less charged than before. More awkward. As he turned towards the door, Bianca stopped him and let her hand trail down his arm so she could grasp his hand in hers. She’d never been particularly adept with words, definitely had no silver tongue, but it just meant that she’d always had to express more emotions in fewer words. “I love you too,” she finally said, before letting his hand go. There was a lot unsaid, but it didn’t feel like that time just before the Hogwarts fire when he’d left her office in a storm. That had felt like an ending. This was just stopping to breathe.

cade owen woodward