the ghost of you | eli

[temperance elizabeth fleming]

and all the things

that you never ever told me

march 4, 2028
Elijah Theron Fleming

Merlin, what a whirlwind. Only when the sun began to creep through the semi-closed blinds and cast a shadow on her coffee mug did Temp realize it was morning. Had she even slept? Images of her brother’s ashen and empty expression, followed by the sight of her dad—no, a body rotated in her mind. At first Temp had thought that something was wrong with Eli. Eli came into view as soon as she’d entered and called for her dad basically, curled up near the bedroom door. Throwing her stuff, she rushed to him, asking him if he was okay. Was he hurt?  She asked what was wrong until the boy burst into tears. She heard him muttering through the sobs until her brain could decipher a word.

‘Dead.’

Instinctively Temp had tensed up. Eli couldn't clarify, so she’d pulled out her wand and entered her father’s bedroom. Her stomach turned at the smell, but it was nothing compared to feeling her chest sink into her stomach when she turned on the light. Temp had seen enough through her work that she didn’t need to get that much closer. But she did anyway, knowing that if her own fingers didn’t check for a pulse, the thought would never leave her mind. After an initial pause where Temp held her breath, her eyes trained on her father’s face—she exhaled and left the room, closing the door behind her. And it wasn’t until incredibly late when her sister was able to arrive, did Temp finally stop moving.

First, Temp contacted emergency services, although there was nothing to do. She made sure to move Eli to the living room, so he didn’t have to sit near the door and watch the whole thing. Then came an Auror, a young one. His red robes looked almost brand new. Question after question and task after task—Temp was in her element as she was at work. Her brain didn’t register much of what happened after. When Cal finally arrived, Temp they spoke in a rare conversation where either wasn't screaming at the other. Temp left Eli with her while she went to the school to get her youngest sister. Shiloh was still asleep. Temp still had errands that day, such as contacting a mortuary. But she’d probably get up to make more coffee soon. But then she heard the slow, dragging footsteps that could only belong to Eli. Merlin, Temp felt her heartache that she hadn’t been home before him. ”Eli.” Temp stood up and approached him, immediately hugging him. ”Do you want some coffee? I was going to make more.” When did he get so tall? Or maybe Temp was just that short, but the weight of everything on one’s shoulders tended to do that. She paused a moment to look at him before walking over to the coffee maker.

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[Elijah Theron Fleming]

only dust settles.

feb 5th 2028

WITH ALL THE BLINDS DRAWN THE FLAT  ceased to exist within normal time and space. Milky, muted light filtered in through various cracks, but it gave no real understanding of whether it was night or day - was it sunlight, or florescent street lamps? Who could tell, really? Eli spent an awful lot of time squinting through the gaps from his seat, trying to guess the time just by the quality of that muted, horrible light. Was it two in the afternoon? Or nine in the morning? He couldn't tell, no matter how hard he tried.

Eli hadn't really spoken much since Temp had arrived and taken charge of the entire 'situation'. He supposed that's why he had frozen after finding his dad, because deep down he'd known he was far too cowardly to deal with it himself. He hadn't even been able to cast a measly Patronus to warn her ahead of time. A blunt nail dug its way into his palm every time he remembered. While officials had taken his 'statement', and strangers bagged his father's stiff body and levitated it from the premises, Temp had barely sat down. Eli saw her from his periphery, the way she'd closed their father's bedroom door and sealed it tight to stop any of them from accidentally slipping inside once he was gone. To the way she disappeared to retrieve Shy from school and even sent word to Calli.

Admittedly, when Shy arrived back with Temp, Eli hid in the bathroom with the door locked. He put the shower on and let all the taps run so he wouldn't have to hear them talk. So he wouldn't hear any of them cry. He felt a bit sick at the thought. He didn't emerge until he heard Shy's bedroom door click closed down the hall about an hour later, calling off Temp's concerns as he pretended to shower. Washing his hands until the skin went red and a little raw, he splashed a handful of water onto his hair and exited in the same clothes he'd entered in without a second thought.

Back on the sofa, he'd drifted in and out of a fitful sleep, too afraid to go to his bedroom - he shared a wall with his dad's room. Or, he supposed, his dad's old room. How strange it was to experience language in the past tense like that, to think of his father as anything but a present, and very prominent figure in his considerations. Though somewhat absent, his oddities held such a current place in Eli's mind. He still flinched every time he transferred animal hair onto the living room furniture. At some point, he was aware of Temp approaching him once again. He sat up where he'd slumped on the sofa, his chin lifting to watch her come around the arm to look at him. Her steps tentative and her posture non threatening. He felt like a cornered animal about to be netted. His skin prickled with a mixture of discomfort and frustration.

"Coffee?" He asked dumbly, squinting at that same milky, rotten light. The liminal feel of the place leaving him out of sorts, like he was walking in a very bad dream. "Is it morning?" He asked with a confused frown. He blinked the sleeplessness from his eyes and turned to stare out the window again. "I mean- yeah, coffee would be great." He mumbled, embarrassed by his own lack of self awareness. 

temperance elizabeth fleming

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[temperance elizabeth fleming]

and all the things

that you never ever told me

March 4, 2028
Elijah Theron Fleming

Temp frowned. Eli still looked like he was in a daze from the day before. A surprising amount of Temp’s energy was used to stuff down the pit of resentment her father created within her. She’d never doubted its existence but something about the past twelve or so hours had led it to start overflowing. But she couldn’t let it do that—otherwise, her focus would waver. Plus, Temp wasn’t sure letting it run wild wouldn’t eat her from the inside out like some disease. Shiloh was the youngest, but Eli was the only boy. Probably factors in why Temp felt so protective of her youngest sister and only brother. She did with Cal, of course, but their independent natures clashed so often.

Temp didn’t suppose there was a time turner that would allow her to change the order of events. To stop Eli from finding Theron and Temp could do it instead. With one last lingering look, Temp nodded and walked into the kitchen to make the next pot. It was something easily done with magic, of course, but she just needed a moment, which kept her hands and mind busy. While that brewed, she went back to her brother. She could still picture him when they were young. Temp was off to the east coast for school, and a seven-year-old Eli tentatively asked where she was going and when she’d be back.

Always such a kind and sweet little boy. That resentment bubbled over when she thought about what could’ve gone through his mind before she’d gotten home. Temperance hadn’t seen her brother like this in years. When their mother disappeared, the entire family needed some time to process. She remembered wondering if the news had been some horrible dream, and the memory of that dream now lingered in her mind. But that wasn’t the case. Sitting on the couch next to Eli, ”Did you sleep at all?” Temp knew the answer to that. In the background, she could hear the coffee brewing. It would take a few more minutes. Sitting a bit sideways to face him, Temp gently let her hand come down, and her fingers softly went through his hair. Dealing with a dead loved one was one thing. There were steps for that. But the aftermath was not something she could have prepared for.

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[Elijah Theron Fleming]

only dust settles.

feb 5th 2028

THE SOFA DIPPED AS TEMP SLID INTO THE SPACE beside Eli. His body sagging towards her like he was filled with sand. He let his head fall back against the cushions, turning his face into the woven fabric so that he could look at his sister without having to hold himself up. God, he was so tired. It was a kind of tired he couldn't remember ever really feeling before. It was bone deep, a tugging somewhere inside of him, like an old anchor dragging him into an unknown depth.

Eli had been sad when his mother disappeared, but he'd been more shocked. If she never came back, was she ever really dead? And by the time that childish notion had faded, he was angry at her. At life and how it stole from him the best parent they had. And then he'd watched her absence eat his father, bit by bit. He faded like an old bruise, until he was nothing but a shadow. Wafting in on a summer breeze to offer some pointless anecdotes, or to remind him he had homework, or not to bring animals into the house, it was unsanitary. And then it worsened and he was found locking doors and warding windows like a senile old wizard twice his senior. And then, worst of all, he was just gone.

Blinking at Temp, Eli wondered what she thought. If maybe she was relieved. For a long time, their dad had started to be more of a dependent to be looked after than a parent at all. He felt ill at the thought and turned his head to look away. "I think so..." He replied, his mouth sticky and dry as if he'd lay with it wide open for a long time. He didn't feel as if he had slept, but he thought Temp would like to think that he had. "Probably," He nodded, trying to reassure her as the percolator bubbled somewhere behind them.

"Is..." The words stuck in Eli's throat and he had to clear it twice, one after the other. "Cali... Shy..." Licking his lips Eli tried again, because it felt important that he ask. "Are they okay?" It felt like a stupid question and he flinched, scrunching his nose up before he looked at Temp for confirmation. He felt sorry that he had to ask her, that he didn't know already. Shouldn't he have been there, or something? The thought alone made him feel on the brink of retching. 

temperance elizabeth fleming

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[temperance elizabeth fleming]

and all the things

that you never ever told me

March 4, 2028
Elijah Theron Fleming

Once, when Temp’s anger had reached a boiling point with her father, she wondered if their mother had left the family or simply left Theron. The thought was a brief moment of unwarranted hope and relief because it meant Theron was the problem, not Temp and the kids. But she could never bring herself to say it aloud or overpower the suspicion that Temp hadn’t been good enough for her mother to stay. Feeling sad felt wasteful and tiresome. Why did she feel such sadness at the loss of her father when he died the same day his wife disappeared. The damage was done, Temp thought as she looked down upon her brother’s pale face.

Temp swallowed, a lump in her throat. Shiloh’s expression from earlier still burned in her memory. Not even Temperance had to deal with all this before even turning seventeen. Slowly, she nodded while her eyes focused on the messy coffee table. Empty bottles of liquor adorned its surface. ”Shy is…She’s fine. Cal has been with her.” None of them were fine—hadn’t been fine. The coffee machine loudly beeped in the backdrop, demanding Temperance’s attention in the kitchen. She cleared her throat, irritated from overuse and the sinus pressure in her face.

”You want some breakfast or just coffee?” Instincts kicked in faster than Temp could stop them. Rest would come later for all of them. The thought made her spiral because she could only picture the list of stuff that needed to get done. A funeral, at minimum. And unfortunately, their father’s former professional status made it likely word would leak out, so it wasn’t as if they could deal with this privately. Running her hand through Eli’s hair one last time, she sighed and slowly stood up to head into the kitchen.

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[Elijah Theron Fleming]

only dust settles.

feb 5th 2028

NODDING HIS HEAD IN AN ODD, JOLTED WAY, ELI thought about what that would look like. Calli comforting Shy, who was much smaller in his minds eye than she likely was in person. Always his 'littlest' sister. And Calli, who would much rather put Eli in a headlock than hug him. He didn't think it unnatrual so to speak, but that the notion struck him as such a shift from reality that it made it all the more jarring. These thoughts didn't show on his slack face bar a slight furrowing on his brow. Lips pinched in thought as his mind whirled around his new, warped existence. Where his sisters needed comforting, where he was merging with the sofa his dad had bought secondhand.

"Is that working?" He asked honestly, though his typical humour and curiosity was absent as he blinked owlishly at his eldest sister. Somewhere behind him there was a beep and he flinched a little in place. He turned into the sofa, slowly drawing his stiff knees up to his chest and hugging them to himself tightly. "Coffee is fine." He murmued, turning his face into his knee caps and sighing heavily. "I don't feel so hungry." He admitted, omitting the fact that he felt like his gut was inside out. It didn't seem like it would be helpful to say so.

While Temp retrieved the coffee, Eli briefly lost track of time again. He thought about his dad, and sleeping, and Shy being hugged stiffly by Calli. When he felt the sofa dip again, he took his coffee and let it sear the palm of his hands as he stared into the rich depths. "It's weird, right?" He murmured, the urge overtaking him like word vomit. "Like... what do we do now?" He wondered sincreley, sipping the hot coffee and letting the bitter flavour burn his tongue and warm his throat. "I don't... it doesn't feel right being here." He whispered, an ache starting behind his eyes. "I don't know how to... how to shake this feeling." He confessed, his nose scrunching as he took another sobering sip to busy his blabbering mouth. 

temperance elizabeth fleming

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[temperance elizabeth fleming]

and all the things

that you never ever told me

March 4, 2028
Elijah Theron Fleming

Sometimes, Eli was still a little boy in Temp’s mind. Even when he stood, lean and lanky with the posture of a bowtruckle, he was still her baby brother. The blank stare he emitted and something dazed in his eyes left Temp with knots in her stomach. Merlin, she was not equipped for this. Nobody was equipped for this. And how did you deal with losing a parent who added nothing to one’s life? A mix of anger and sadness bubbled in her gut. She wasn’t sad for her father. She was sad her brother had to find him like that. The remnants of a man who had completely given up and reached the bottom of his personal pit of despair, but he’d dragged his children along with him.

Before she could answer, the beeping caught their attention. Temp needed caffeine. Exhaustion weighed on her, but there was so much to do, and her mind would not stop until it was all done. Before getting up, Temp swallowed hard as she watched Eli curl up. Running her fingers through his hair one last time, she left the couch. But holding the hot coffee cup was a nice bit of reality. A reminder that she was still alive when she felt so numb.

”I—“ Temp didn’t know how to answer, and while Eli kept speaking, her mouth remained open for a while, but her brain failed to send any words. Finally, she closed her mouth, sipping her coffee before putting it on the coffee table. ”No…..no, it doesn’t.” Eli was right. Their once family home felt desecrated. Death was present here and all around them. When their mother left, anxiety and sadness were in the air—this was far heavier. Temp sighed heavily. ”I have to meet with a law—solicitor later. I can take you to Cal’s.” Merlin, how many years had she lived here, and her brain would only accept the word ‘lawyer’. But Temp didn’t want Eli alone. Let alone in this house. Why didn’t she know what to say to him—to any of them?

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[Elijah Theron Fleming]

only dust settles.

feb 5th 2028

THE COFFEE WAS TOO STRONG AND BITTER FOR Eli's taste. He liked his caffeine laced with enough syrup and milk to turn the strongest of stomachs. But, Temp had made it to her liking and he was sort of glad she had. He wouldn't have been able to stomach something he actually liked at that time. Happy to let the taste sear the coating of his mouth and leave his tongue a little resentfully numb. He looked deeply into Temp's pinched expression, looking for some kind of anchor to latch on to, but she looked almost as lost as he did. The bitter realisation that they had both lost something important, even if they were never on great terms. It was evident, plainly and painfully, that his sister was hurting, too. 

Temp's voice was short, stiff around the edges as if she didn't quite like what she was saying. As if, should she have had the chance, she'd have changed her answer last minute. Eli sat forward, braced his arms on his knees and held the cup between them, turning it slowly as he watched the liquid ripple and steam inside the old, chipped mug. "No, I-" Eli cleared his throat, took a long, bitter glug of too-hot coffee and swallowed it before he tried to speak again. "I think I wanna go home." He whispered, closing his eyes briefly and thinking of Cordie's big bed, of curling under the duvet and holding on to the one person that didn't need his comfort just then. Someone who hadn't lost the only parent they had left. 

Sitting back, Eli slumped back into position, like a puppet with no strings. He was purse mouthed and pale faced. The hot coffee making his lips a little flushed from the heat, it looked stark against his blanched complexion. His eyes glassy and still edging on the side of vacant. "I want to see Cordie," He admitted with an almost desperate scratch to his voice. "I want to have a shower at my own place and sleep in my own bed- I..." He stopped himself from going further, taking another unhealthy gulp of coffee and starting to restlessly jostle his leg. "I'll go Cal's after- just... can I have 24 hours?" He asked her sincerely, afraid that she might actually say no. 

temperance elizabeth fleming

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[temperance elizabeth fleming]

and all the things

that you never ever told me

March 4, 2028
Elijah Theron Fleming

The pain of watching her baby brother so lost was far worse than losing a parent. It didn’t say much about how Temp felt losing her father, and she supposed years after her mother just disappeared, it was hard to say. Not knowing never allowed for proper closure, so for Temp, it stung more than anything. But this? This was tangible and happening right in front of her eyes. Temp was also doing everything in her power to ignore any pain of losing Theron Fleming, who had never parented a day in his sad and miserable life. And yet, a void gnawed at Temp from the inside out.

Eli didn’t want to go to his other sister’s. Temp raised a curious brow. The two were thick as thieves, so this surprised her. Evy of their easy relationship had always sat uncomfortably in Temp’s gut, but she’d compartmentalized it, much like anything else, to keep the family afloat. Prioritizing what they all needed over herself, like always. ”Ok...” Eli sitting alone after such a day didn’t feel like a good idea, but not even Temp could bring herself to push Eli to do anything he didn’t want to do right now. The idea of gripping his arm and dragging him somewhere just felt cruel.

However, that heavy feeling didn’t last long as Temp perked up. He wanted to see who? This name was not known to Temp. ”I--um—sorry—you want to see who?” Temp felt Cal rolling her eyes somewhere. The rest of her brother’s request went in one ear and queued up for processing as soon as she received an answer to this very important question. ”Cordie? Is that like a new pet or something?” The mental image of Eli snuggling with a gerbil or a puffskein immediately came to mind. Which would make sense, maybe provide him with some comfort or something. But if that was the case, why not retrieve the puffskein and head to his sisters?

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[Elijah Theron Fleming]

only dust settles.

feb 5th 2028

THE MISERY HAD STRETCHED LIKE TAFFY AND Elijah could almost breathe through it. He felt oddly numb, but weak at his outer extremities. Like a strong gust of wind might have blown him over if he hadn't been sitting down. He held his mug of coffee like a lifeline, like an anchor that helped weigh him down into the couch. His brain wasn't quite filtering his thoughts, and he thought maybe Temp was too worried for him to let him go anywhere. Her affirmation seemingly almost suspicious, like she was placating him instead of giving him permission to leave.

"Okay..." He echoed, nodding his head slowly as he stared off into the middle distance. It seemed like the best idea to him, to remove himself from the house and the memory of his father cold and stiff in his unmade bed. Every single thing about the flat reminded Eli of what he had seen, of what had happened. He wanted, if only for a second, to forget.

"Hm...?" Temp's confusion was palpable and jarring after so much of the soft comfort that had bled between them. He realised in a second hand chill what he had said. His mouth pinching shut as he turned his head to watch Temp ruminate over his confession. He'd been afraid of telling Temp about his tentative romance with Cordie Smith. Whereas Eli had had years of solid, sweetened infatuation to prepare him for his relationship with Cordie, Temp had not. He had guarded her existence like a carefully tended campfire, afraid the moment Temp cornered Cordie that she would surely run her off into the ether from sheer intensity alone.

Clearing his throat, Eli rocked himself out of the divot in the sofa cushions. He reached forward, placing his mostly empty mug onto the coffee table and dragging himself out of the couch with a groan. His knees creaked and his back cracked, having been folded into one position for far too long. All the while, he knew Temp was watching him expectantly. Like a fly caught in a trap, Eli knew he'd eventually have to say something. Instead, he pulled his wrinkled t-shirt from where it was stuck to his back and ran a restless hand through his unkempt head of hair.

"I'll um... I'll go to Cali's for about lunch time tomorrow." He mumbled, itching his palm anxiously and moving from foot to foot as he turned as if to leave before stopping and half turning back to where his sister was still frozen in place. "Cordie's my girlfriend," He confessed with a pursed, worried little mouth. "We live together, bye." And then, using her shock as a buffer, Eli turned and marched quickly from the living room. He left without his jacket, grabbing his trainers in one hand so that he could run from the flat in a flurry of motion.

[END ELI]

temperance elizabeth fleming

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[temperance elizabeth fleming]

and all the things

that you never ever told me

March 4, 2028
Elijah Theron Fleming

Temp’s eyes didn’t leave Eli as he stood from the couch. The noises his body made Temp’s brow furrowed in concern. He was far too young for his body to make noises like that, but maybe it was because of his work. Merlin knew that Temp often had to crack her back when she’d fall asleep on the couch. This old, worn couch her father had refused to let go of. There wasn’t a part that was truly comfortable anymore, not after Theron had worn every part down with his constant existence. As if simply existing was the hardest job anyone in the family had.

She pushed those thoughts out instead of focusing on her concern for her little brother. Eli shared he would visit their sister the following day, but slowly, he created distance between himself and Temp. She narrowed her eyes. What was he doing? And why? The sheepish way he wouldn’t look at her put her on notice, but she kept her mouth shut, considering all he’d just been through. But she wasn’t prepared—her mouth hung open while the words registered. Standing from the couch, Temp was glad she hadn’t been holding coffee, or it would have fallen everywhere. ”Girlfriend?!? Wait—” But Eli had already gone.

[ end temp ]

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