courage and control | grey

[addilyn elara slater]

there's chaos in this discord

still we move along

March 12, 2028
grey xavier slater

Sometimes Addy felt like a child standing on the edge of a very tall cliff, and somewhere in the background, she could hear her mother’s voice telling her to step back because it was unsafe. But then the adrenaline rush through her system left her stuck in place as she observed the long way down. The safe option was to continue at the Ministry. She’d put in the work, and her internship would complete in a few months with a promotion to full-time employment. But she hadn’t stopped thinking about the conversation with Luna the week prior. She knew what her closest friends thought, but it wasn’t enough for Addy to take such a leap.

The fact that she was even considering this pipe dream of a move was a feat in itself. To a point, her life had been decided and dictated, and Professional Quidditch Player had no place in that plan. Often she thought of the advice her siblings had shared individually as well. But the raised heart rate and a fluttering feeling in her stomach weren’t just anxiety or fear but the idea of that leap. There was a reason Addy had joined the house team so young (her second year) and eventually made Captain. It was natural for her and one of her true passions. Taking her phone apart and figuring out how all the charms and materials worked together was also a passion, but work had made it dull and far less research and development than she wanted.

Fortunately, she was due to meet Grey for a drink, as they had begun to do after the previous year, especially since he wasn’t attending family events. Sometimes Addy shared whatever news from the family, though there was hardly anything to share these days, really. Or at least nothing Addy wanted to repeat from their mother’s infinite list of nasty comments. After a bit too much firewhiskey one evening, Addy finally admitted the Daily Prophet’s photograph was her ex-boyfriend, although who knew what her brother had deduced before that. In terms of this offer from the Harpies…Addy just needed to think out loud with someone who understood her predicament.

”What do you think of Millie Dawes?” Well, Grey wouldn’t be a very good sports journalist if he didn’t know who the Captain of the Harpies was. A brilliant Keeper and Captain, at least from what Addy had heard and observed. Addy wished she could blurt things out like Brigh as she sipped her first glass, but she’d spit it out eventually. Plus, Addy figured it was best to get a bit of whiskey into Grey if she would backtrack and mention the scouts from her seventh year, knowing her brother.

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The diet he'd been taking of time spent with his family had been working perfectly over the last year. Addy was the only one allowed in, and things had been wonderful since. He had run into his dad a few months prior in Diagon, both looking for more paper for work, and they'd had a nice chat but kept it to that. Everything worked better this way and he sort of didn't want to go back. To make up for it, he met up with his younger sister frequently enough. When the Quidditch season was in full swing, that made things slightly more difficult because he was needed literally everywhere in order to do his job. It was honestly amazing he hadn't been diagnosed with apparition sickness yet from the amount of magical jumping he did. Luckily he'd been to all of the stadiums in the league now, so going on his own was easy enough. No more side-along unless he was the one bringing someone else.

Having met Addy at the Violet Hound, Grey had already drank a pint and was making his way through a basket of chips to ease whatever else went into his stomach. He'd learned about pacing himself recently: a couple of harsh weekends following a night out and without any anti-nausea potions meant lesson learned. He was halfway through shoving a handful of food into his mouth when Addy asked his thoughts on the Harpies' Captan. "Beast of a Keeper. Stats alone she's best in the league." Better than McLaggen too, who was considered slightly above average in terms of playing ability. It was too bad the Bats lacked a proper team. That was where Millie Dawes excelled in her captainship.

"She's fantastic to interview too. Wicked sense of humor that always keeps the other reporters in their toes." A lot of the veterans in the sport liked to tease the rookie journalists whenever they finally got their first assignments. Grey had been subjected to that for quite a while. Now a few years in, he'd managed a bit of a rapport with them. "She scored another goal a few weeks back, not sure if you saw that. Apparently the tenth of her career. I can count on one hand the amount of Keepers that have done that in the last century." He had become the Prophet's stat nerd after all. These were the sorts of things he lived for.

Finishing chewing the chips, he realized that it was a strange question for Addy to bring up. Why Millie of all people? "Did you bump into her or something?" he asked.

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[addilyn elara slater]

there's chaos in this discord

still we move along

March 12, 2028
grey xavier slater

Addy felt like she’d memorized pieces of the Prophet, obsessively checking anything related to trades or the Harpies. Luna’s words still rang in her ears, as did those of many people in her life. Jack and Brigh, of course, had their way of letting their opinions be known to Addy. Unfortunately, while Cheese was in the loop, their schedules hadn’t seemed to line up to give them an opportunity to talk about it, among other things. Her first instinct was to talk to Grey. While she wasn’t afraid Claire would disapprove, Addy still felt far more nervous bringing it up to her older sister. And if Addy was willingly telling their mother first, someone should probably check that she wasn’t cursed under the effects of the imperious curse or being blackmailed.

Grey happily answered her question, each new fact adding to the growing pit in Addy’s stomach. And when Grey asked ‘why?’ Addy felt completely nauseous. Forcing down half her whiskey, Addy didn’t answer right away. ”Erm—something like that.” Addy stared at her glass, her hands wrapped around them while her fingers drummed the side. After a beat, she took a breath and forced it out. “Trewlaney was on the Slytherin house team. And she invited me to fly with her and the Harpies a couple of times.” This was the hard part. Did she go right into explaining the offer? Or provide context leading back to her seventh year?

While Grey was shoveling down chips, Addy had forced down a drink before her current one. She’d needed the liquid courage, which only exasperated her further because Addy never saw herself as one who was too scared to do anything. But it did help loosen her tongue, which was convenient for this purpose. Looking at Grey, Addy continued before he felt the need to press. ”I’ve been invited to join them—The Harpies.” Not even Addy could deny what was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but the thing was—it wasn’t. Grey had seen Addy play firsthand. Claire probably had at some point. And she’d filled her brother in on the neighborhood league. The ‘T’s that Cheese has recruited her to. She sighed, it was a relief to get it out, but the stress didn’t leave. ”Ever since I started flying again, I’ve felt more myself than I have in ages.” Addy admitted Grey was the only family member aware of Addy’s previous relationship with Cheese. ”And I don’t want to turn them down again, but my internship is almost done…”

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Grey somehow knew what his sister was going to say the second it came out of her mouth. One didn't just simply 'practice' with a professional Quidditch team because their friend asked them too. His eyebrows raised as Addy mentioned this, stopping him midway from taking a sip of his drink. "You don't say..." he responded before continuing what he'd been doing. Luna Trewlaney had dropped out of school to go professional. Talk about something that rarely happened anymore. Most teams liked to see a couple full seasons of house play before going through with an offer. At least that was what all the scouts he talked to said. Knowing that lot, they were lying through their teeth in order to maintain a competitive edge in the sport. He hated the slimy bastards since they could never give him a straight answer on scouting reports. Unfortunately that was how the game worked.

So he wasn't surprised when she admitted that the Harpies had offered her a position on the team. Grey had watched her stats on the Slytherin team, and when she'd stepped up to take the Captain position it definitely resonated with some people in the industry. Obviously nothing had happened since Addy had graduated because of her internship, but now that had changed. He also knew what all of this meant in regards to the family, and that was probably why he was being told. A Slater couldn't just change careers without good reason. Or at least he couldn't. Addy was probably free of that sort of nonsense though.

"So when are you accepting?" Grey asked as he went back to chewing on his food. The kitchen at the Violet Hound had yet to fail him. "Because it sounds like you've already made up your mind to me." And who was he to argue against the genius of Millie Dawes? If she saw Addy's skill, then there was a reason ownership was extending an offer. This sort of thing rarely happened, so she'd be foolish not to take it.

addilyn elara slater ● 341 ● Song by Artist

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[addilyn elara slater]

there's chaos in this discord

still we move along

March 12, 2028
grey xavier slater

”I…it’s not that simple Grey…” Addy drank from her glass. She wasn’t surprised to have her brother’s support. Somehow, their mother would find a way to blame Grey should Addy leave her internship at the Ministry. Suffice it to say it always bothered Addy that their mother could never understand that Addy genuinely loved Quidditch and hadn’t gotten corrupted in some way. But she remembered hearing the same thing when Addy used to find Claire’s old, hidden trinkets and things left behind when the eldest pursued the family dream in Law Enforcement.

Now Addy finished her glass, catching the bartender’s attention for a refill. With Addy’s size, she probably would need food at some point, but the battle of this decision still left her stomach feeling inside out. As a new glass appeared, Addy stared intently at the calm amber liquid. ”Puddlemere United, the Wasps, the Magpies, and the Harpies.” She repeated the names of the well-known teams before pausing. Addy sighed. ”They all saw me play.” The memory of that short and happy time near the end of her final year at Hogwarts made her drink heartily. ”Mum found out, of course, and then the fire and everything happened.” It was one of those things where Addy could hardly sound sad about it anymore.

And she didn’t need to explain the rest to Grey of all people. What good would it do to admit she turned down these offers? What if she did accept this offer from Millie, and turns out Addy only felt more miserable? Was it worth her mother’s wrath? Would Claire disapprove as well? And if Addy decided to stay at the Ministry, would Grey be upset with her? It was hard when Grey admitted he wanted to separate himself from the family. Fortunately, that didn’t include Addy, but what if it did? It was hard to fathom the idea. Addy sighed again, letting her elbow rest on the surface as she leaned on her hand. Her head was feeling lighter by the second. Pulling out her phone, Addy nearly dropped it as she fumbled with it for a second. Finally, she navigated to the email she’d thought about. ”The Ministry is already sending out offers to interns.” Addy explained, showing the screen to Grey of an employment offer email from the day before.

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It wasn't simple? Sure it was. All she had to do was reject the offer to go to the full time position at the Ministry and accept what the Harpies had extended out. That was about the easiest transition from one job to the next as possible. Merlin, his career change (if you could call it that) was more laborious than this. Because the Daily Prophet was not interested in having a singular intern join during the off season. His position as the editor-in-chief for the school paper meant nothing, despite what he had initially thought. He ended being lucky that they took a shot at him and then needed extra hands on deck for the end of the Quidditch season.

Of course he knew that the real problem at hand was Addy's concern over what their mum would say. He'd been the same way, agonizing for months over whether he should change careers or not. "If you're worried about mum, don't be. She'll be upset even if you take the job at the Ministry. It's just how she is," Grey stated flatly. It wouldn't matter at the end of the day. She always found something to disapprove of. If it wasn't the career, it would be some other facet of their lives. How Claire managed to keep it all together for so long boggled him. Or maybe she didn't, because the constant state of stress she seemed to be in definitely was not healthy.

"I think you should join the team. It's not like Ministry jobs are hard to come by at all. If it all falls through playing, then you can be right back where you started. Half the department heads have box seats for almost every match as it is. You show up as a former player, and they'll be salivating to hire you so they can talk Quidditch. It's just how it is." In a similar vein to how his trainers in the auror department almost exclusively wanted to talk to him about Claire. As if he knew how her brain worked whilst in the field. "I'm also partial to the sport, but you know that." Did she really think he would say otherwise? Going pro was a big deal, even if it was only brief. It would be a huge missed opportunity if she didn't accept.

addilyn elara slater ● 391 ● Song by Artist

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[addilyn elara slater]

there's chaos in this discord

still we move along

March 12, 2028
grey xavier slater

For a bit, the siblings seemed at a stalemate. Grey encouraged Addy to defy the authority of their parent's wishes and dreams while Addy internally struggled with what felt like some huge moral dilemma. And the more whiskey entered her system, the more voices seeped into Addy’s brain. Along with memories of the last time she had spoken to scouts. Merlin, Addy had almost forgotten how expertly she had hidden away how heartbroken it had made her. But finally—finally Addy shook her head. ”Grey…I think you’re right.” Addy declared, placing an empty glass down. The stress of it all had caused her to lose count, or maybe it was the heated discussion.

With a sigh, Addy retrieved her phone. Navigating to her email app and pulling up an email that had sat in her drafts for the better part of three days. She’d never admit that Jack Clark got under her skin to the point where Addy had felt tempted to hex him into silence. Instead, she wrote a very polite and formal resignation from her post at the Ministry of Magic, including a rejection of the formal job offer. Naturally, Addy had not sent this email out. Staring at it momentarily, Addy looked at Grey while placing the phone in view.

”You know, they’ll probably blame you for this.” Addy warned her older brother. Grey didn’t come up in conversations with their parents often. Though she swore their father’s eyes lingered just an extra second whenever he saw Grey’s name in the Prophet, but never when their mother was nearby. Addy’s head felt just a little light, not yet completely fuzzy. She wasn’t anywhere near falling out of her chair, and there was a clarity she’d been seeking. ”How did you know you were doing the right thing?” Grey had quit a very competitive program and, in doing so, had laid the foundation for what Addy was about to do. All she had to do was send that email and contact Millie. It was right there, just in her reach.

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For once, he seemed to be the one in more control with the drinking. Most of their recent meetups had started and ended with him whining about their parents or some administrative bullshit that the Ministry was imposing against his colleagues. The Prophet, for better or worse, always ended up with the story though. He disliked that reputation some times but it was significantly better than it had been thirty years prior apparently. All he knew was that Quidditch wasn't political as long as teams weren't found to be in politician's pockets. He liked sticking to his stats and his tiny little office in the back corner of the sports department. Everyone left him alone to do his thing, similar to the poor sod that was assigned to Quodpot. Grey downed the rest of his firewhiskey in honor of that guy. Talk about useless freedom.

"Of course I'm right," he stated in an obvious tone. "Your school stats put you square in the middle of the current pack of chasers. Even if you're a reserve, the Harpies have a track record of using all of their players throughout the season." Meaning Addy would get air time in an actual match at least once this season. Not to mention all of the invaluable practices that would come out of it. He didn't see anything wrong with this career switch at all. She would escape the confines of the Ministry, piss their parents off, get to play Quidditch professionally, and probably be better off in the long run. How was that bad?

"That's fine with me," he said into his pint glass before taking a sip. Alternating between the firewhiskey and this had been brain numbingly good. Took the edge of the work day right away. As he drank, he contemplated his sister's question. It was, at least in his mind, simultaneously complex and not all at the same time. "I mean, I wasn't happy. Couldn't picture myself as an auror a few years down the road, but I could as a reporter. Sort of helped that mum didn't want me to do it at all." Who needed to be an edgy teenager when you could do it in your twenties? Grey knew that this all started because she lost control of him. It was starting to look like Addy had figured that out as well. Unfortunately Claire hadn't yet...

addilyn elara slater ● 398 ● Song by Artist

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[addilyn elara slater]

there's chaos in this discord

still we move along

March 12, 2028
grey xavier slater

The thought of drinking so much at once might have appalled Addy at seventeen. Who had time for such things at that age? With homework, studying for NEWTs, Quidditch practice, and chess club, among other things, who had the time? Addy certainly didn’t. And now she stared at her empty glass. It hadn’t taken her long to realize it was best not to keep count sometimes. Not when she felt this anxious, stressed, and pulled in multiple directions. The only feeling she could relate this to was standing on the edge of a cliff or somewhere obscenely tall and telling herself to just step off. Obviously, one’s instinct for self-preservation always took over.

And it did feel like a cliff. Quitting the Ministry of Magic and a stable desk job for the fast-paced world of a professional athlete wasn’t a simple move. Merlin, she hadn’t even spoken to Claire about it. Slowly, she turned her head to look at Grey as he explained why he was right. All her inebriated brain could think was, ‘Is that what I sound like?’ because he sounded a lot like Claire for a moment. Merlin, did they all sound like that? Addy tried to refocus. It was a ridiculous idea. One couldn’t fault them for simply being right when they were.

It helped, but it didn’t. While Addy was grateful for her brother’s confirmation and encouragement, it added to the painful reminder of the opportunities she had willfully thrown away in the past. ”Merlin…” Addy sighed heavily and let her forehead gently fall to the bar. After a few moments, she picked her head up, and a new clarity and determination coursed through her like energy. Plus, the sound of a new glass sitting down near her head caught her attention. ”I shouldn’t have passed up the chance to play before…” Addy pulled out her phone again. ”I ran into a burning Castle for Merlin’s sake.” She muttered while finding her draft of her resignation. Slaters—known for their unrelenting obstinateness, intelligence and skill, and, most importantly, tunnel vision. It was interesting how glaring it became in these moments of impulsive disinhibition. Addy tapped the screen and let out a long exhale, saying nothing for a few moments. ”I quit.” The email was long gone now. She knew she had to message Luna now, but first, a drink.

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"Its not like you knew that would happen..." he reasoned. Though anyone could have seen that another attack was coming. It had been too long for it to all quietly float away. That wasn't how these sorts of things worked. Subconsciously, there was probably a lot of worry about being caught in a similar situation and that was why he dipped out of the program when he did. Grey didn't want to be Claire, forced to kill someone for the sake of the greater good. Was it morally right because it was a life or death situation? Probably. But he never wanted to be put into that position. He wasn't a killer. The only thing he could kill was the stacks of centuries old Quidditch statistics books. Lighting those on fire after transcribing them into new books and the digital ether felt amazing. That was where he belonged. Not as a government goon or state sanctioned murderer.

Watching Addy clearly struggle with this made him remember how he'd gone through it. The self-doubt of whether he'd made the right choice, both before and after leaving the training, as well as why he didn't just do what he wanted from the beginning. Looking back on it, he knew that it was a worthwhile lesson of following his gut. As much as it had stressed him out at the time, he had to learn it at some point.

Throughout this, she had picked her phone up and was doing something on it, before stating that she'd quit. Grey stared at her for a moment, trying to understand what she meant by it. "Wait, like you just did? Right now?" he asked. He'd forgotten how versatile phones had gotten. They allowed resignations via email now? "Well fuck..." A rare vulgarity passing his lips before he took a long drink and stared at his sister from across the table. "Welcome to the club. Now the fun starts."

addilyn elara slater ● 324 ● Song by Artist

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[addilyn elara slater]

there's chaos in this discord

still we move along

March 12, 2028
grey xavier slater

The remaining contents of her glass quickly traveled down her throat to the ball of anxiety forming in her stomach. Waving the bartender down for a refill, Addy froze with realization. Merlin, had she just done that? She unlocked her phone and navigated to the outbox of her email app. And she slowly nodded, her eyes stuck boring into the small screen. ”…Right now…” Her mind wandered to a million places, and a million possibilities, but the sound of a glass hitting the surface of the table brought her back to the present. Half the time, the glasses were brought to them by a person, the other times via charm when they sensed the urgency perhaps.

Addy’s eyes moved to her brother, and a chill ran up her spine. The tingling traveled down to her fingertips—a mix of strange excitement and fear. The sensations were almost identical, so Addy couldn’t quite tell which emotion was winning. ”Merlin….” There was uncharted territory, and then there was this. ”I can’t believe I just did that.” She needed to tell Claire. The thought made her heart race and, of course, Brigh. And then there was Cheese, though he had been increasingly hard to get ahold of lately. A little deflated at the thought, she remembered Jack and pulled the new glass toward her.

[ end addy ]

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