slow dancing in a burning room | juniper

[rhys alexander greyback]

its not a silly little moment

it's not the storm before the calm

June 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Something felt off. And it irked Rhys that he couldn't pinpoint what it was. Unfortunately for them, when something was simmering under the surface, it didn't translate to all parts of their relationship. Juniper hadn't said anything, nor had she pushed him away either. Ever since Rhys was reinstated the previous fall, he’d been working hard to catch up not only in experience and completed jobs but also financially. While the suspension hadn’t threatened their little life, it would’ve been a lie to say it wasn’t a factor in the strain at the time. Unfortunately, this meant that Rhys had worked almost straight up to New Year’s Eve with a short break before returning.

But they took it in stride, or Rhys thought so. Juniper’s displeasure during the previous summer had been very clear, including Rhys sleeping on the couch some nights, though that was probably due to the whiskey. It was the closest thing to the door, after all. In hindsight, the stress of the whole situation even pushed them physically apart for a bit. But then Rhys could work again, and he still didn’t have words for the relief he’d felt. In the living room, Rhys stacked random pieces of paper on top of one another in an almost futile attempt to organize himself. He still had a few days before he was off to his next job, it didn’t seem or feel like a very long break, and that’s because it wasn’t.

Technically, Rhys was due to have returned home two weeks prior. The bank had given them the option to accept another job in the States, which wasn’t far from South America compared to London. It wasn’t a small one either, but Saff and Sharp opted out to enjoy their break—Rhys had not. Now, when communicating this to Juniper, it had actually been quite simple. They worked with rough estimates since their work never quite had an exact end date. This gave Rhys some flexibility when opting to go home right after a job was completed. It wasn’t ever an issue for him, and the main and almost only reason he didn’t go straight home was for more work. But now he had to head back so soon. At least a small part of Rhys regretted taking that second job until he reminded himself of the results—his career and bank account were doing well.

”Have you seen my notebook?” Rhys looked around for the notebook he carried while working. Inside were scribbles, notes, and whatever else he deemed relevant and especially for the paperwork when they were done. It was probably still in his bag, half unpacked in the bedroom. Rhys still had to repack it, but that was for the following day. Or maybe he’d left it in the kitchen. Merlin, anything less than two weeks wasn’t enough time to rest, not even at his age. It made more sense why the more senior Cursebreakers looked so worn down.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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Years earlier, Juniper had promised that she wouldn't silently stew over the issues she had with Rhys and his career. It was easily the most contentious part of their relationship, and she often wondered why he was still doing it when it caused as much grief as it did. Not to mention the nasty drinking habit he'd picked up over the last year following the suspension. She kept that bit to herself though, because it wasn't strange for others their age to do the same, irresponsibly coping with the stress of their jobs by putting down glass after glass of liquor. Maybe she was the weird one in all of this, as she always had been even in school. Juniper felt like she had very few people to turn to in times like this, with Rhys constantly gone and not wanting to burden her family with the struggles she went through daily. Saff had an almost identical schedule to him, and Juniper felt like she scared Nell just by waving at her through the window of Ollivander's. Her parents could probably tell something was amiss whenever she called them, cheerfully playing it off like she was fine all while hiding behind a mask of uncertainty and exhaustion.

Things were not okay.

Rhys seemed to not notice it at all, which was no surprise there. Four years of this made her feel like she was on her own constantly. Their relationship only ever existed when he was home, which was almost never now. A series of poorly timed jobs near the end of the year had almost broken her. Missing her birthday was whatever. But missing Christmas too? Thankfully her family always did something together, but Rhys had seemingly become a permanent addition to that. It was awkward and she knew it showed on her face. She ended up convincing herself that showing frustration over him finally getting back to work after the suspension wouldn't do either of them any good, especially with how rocky it had been the previous summer. And so that was how the first half of the year had gone thus far.

Juniper wasn't even sure if she was upset about him extending his schedule to take the second job he'd just come home from. Could she even be upset in the traditional sense anymore? This was how life had been for the last two years now. There seemed to be very little consideration for her in his decision making process though. It was like she didn't exist until he came back from jobs, and then suddenly there she was again! Ready to be there for him! Frustrating wasn't even the right way to describe it, because it had gone far beyond that now. She felt like this had turned into some sort of weird long distance relationship where she only mattered when it was convenient to him.

Of course she hadn't conveyed any of this to Rhys yet, because why would she? Her own stubbornness meant that she was due to let it bubble over until it was an explosive cauldron situation. Which this was about to become because she could feel her already cracked mental walls starting to crumble. And fast. Him losing his stupid fucking notebook did her in. "Wouldn't be the only thing you've forgotten about lately," she stated without missing a beat from behind the copy of the Daily Prophet she'd been reading from all morning.

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[rhys alexander greyback]

its not a silly little moment

it's not the storm before the calm

June 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Rhys often didn’t understand how Juniper would get on his case now and then about communication and things of that nature but he was expected to know what was on her mind. But Juniper would eventually talk to him and admit when something was bothering and subconsciously he supposed he expected that. So, the comment threw him off guard. And it was far less subtle than a couple of other comments since he’d gotten home. Those had flown so low that Rhys had told himself it was nothing at all, but this one was different even down to the tone.

His blue eyes looked quickly around their small kitchen, no notebook. Turning around he saw Juniper look so casual as she perused the paper’s contents. Before speaking, he quickly did an inventory on the date in case his brain had lied to him and her birthday was actually in June and not November. Merlin knew work had caused him to miss not only her birthday but Christmas and gathering with her family. While Rhys had been happy to return to work, he hadn’t liked spending Christmas alone. Even after so many years ever since Juniper began joining him over the winter break at Hogwarts five years ago, Rhys hadn’t realized how attached he was to that day and experience. Not to mention they always seemed happy to see him (except maybe her sister, but he let that slide).

”What’s that supposed to mean?” Rhys finally asked as he walked up to stand in the door frame. Was she trying to be funny? He didn’t know what her angle was. While waiting for an answer he glanced around the living room again, but he didn’t see it. For all he knew his eyes were passing right over it and it was right in front of him, but he just had one last place to check. But he also waited for her response.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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She really wanted to ask Rhys what he thought she meant by it, but she hated playing stupid games like that. They weren't going to play a guessing game until he got it right, because he probably never would. Her faith in him figuring things out while work was on his mind had disappeared completely over the last year. The suspension was proof of that. For the entire time he'd been benched, he could do nothing but think about work, and then when he did that, he'd start drinking to forget. Never mind that he wouldn't even talk about what caused it until she went behind his back and asked Saff. Juniper did regret doing that, as it drove a stake straight through the trust they'd built up over the years and since then things had been subpar at best in her opinion. She was the one that had to deal with constantly thinking about it too, because apparently Rhys was too busy to even be home for more than a couple weeks out of the year.

"It means that it's pretty obvious where your priorities are, Rhys," she explained, still not lowering her newspaper from in front of her face. The Quidditch section was open, even though she could care less about the sport. A moving photo of Mickey McLaggen zooming side to side in front of the goal posts. She recalled him being an obnoxious little prick in school. Merlin, everything was annoying her today.

"I'm not happy. I've really tried to not let you being gone bother me, but these last few months have honestly sucked. Christmas was one thing...but jumping from one job to the next like you just did? It makes me feel like you don't even want to be here. And when you are, you spend half the time reorganizing all of your gear and staring at that notebook of yours." By now, she'd placed the paper down on the coffee table, tired of staring at McLaggen's smug grin. At least a pretentious asshole like him would be around during the week, only gone for away matches. Was it too much to ask for a partner that actually existed? "People think we've broken up because they never see us together anymore. Do you know how it feels every time I'm asked that question? Like it's actually true and I just haven't been told yet. Like I'm being kept around out of convenience."

rhys alexander greyback ● 408 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

its not a silly little moment

it's not the storm before the calm

June 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

It was like a punch to the gut but a sucker punch all the same. Rhys’ brow furrowed in concern but also in shock. And that look persisted on his face as she continued to speak. Again, his brain tried to review and circle back on the past year. It had not been easy. At least they could agree on that. But he was struggling to fit all these things in his mind and all these things Juniper was saying and claiming. But that word, ’Convenience’, how could she say that? To him of all people. Rhys supposed small moments like that rubbed him the wrong way at times. So he missed one Christmas? He had a good reason, and Rhys felt like Juniper had forgotten the many other wonderful Christmas holidays they’d spent together. It wasn't as if she had over a decade of empty Christmas holidays she could never forget about like he did.

But Rhys let her finish, and he waited a moment before responding to push down this weird feeling growing in his chest. ”How could you say that?” Rhys found himself asking, looking mildly bewildered. ”You’re the most important person to me.” Whatever he felt was all too familiar, that scared and cornered feeling. Where was she going with this? Rhys paused again, trying to think about the past year. Missing holidays and birthdays weren’t great. He could admit that. ”I know I’ve been working a lot. I missed a lot last year.” The unfortunate suspension took far too long to resolve. In the end, Rhys’ only loss was time and money.

Rhys had stepped into the living room but unconsciously took a step back. The wall was there, so he just leaned on it for now. ”Juni…we both knew this job wasn’t some typical nine to five.” It wasn’t as if he could just jump into the field or a job with disorganized gear or unprepared because he didn’t review notes or do his research. That was a sure way to make it all a one-way trip. He hated hearing that she wasn’t happy, especially when said so bluntly. And when he didn’t know where she was going with that statement, it made him anxious and fidgety. ”What would you have me do?” Rhys posed the question, perhaps sounding a tad more defensive than he had intended entirely. Rhys wasn’t unhappy, but clearly, their definitions differed.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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Merlin, she knew she wasn't going to phrase any of this correctly even though she'd spent so much time over the last few weeks trying to figure out the best way to break it down. On one hand, she really did know that he cared. Why would they be together this long if he didn't? But on the other, it was glaringly obvious that things had changed. Had it been a slow realization full of tiny fights every couple of months? Absolutely. And they always centered around one thing: Rhys's job. It was quite literally nothing else. The training portion hadn't bothered her at all, maybe because she felt like there was still hope that he'd wash out or realize it wasn't for him. Juniper hated herself for thinking that way, and yet here they were. One of her worst scenarios she'd made up in her head years ago was his career pulling them apart because he was never around. Only second to him becoming seriously maimed or dying. The fact that he was even admitting that he knew he was working a lot because of the previous year's suspension only proved her point too. None of this was normal. She understood now why Saff didn't date at all.

"That's my exact point. You've missed a lot here as well. You're obsessed with work. It's gone way beyond what we originally talked about," she interjected. As for his question on what she wanted him to do, she didn't know. The decisions he made were solely his own, and she never wanted to force him to pick one or the other. That was up to him. "I think you need to reevaluate what's more important to you. Because I feel forgotten about. You come back from jobs and then half the time you're out drinking Merlin-knows-where, and I get to sit here wondering if you're about to get into another fight and suspended again. Just so we can have a repeat of last year."

Juniper couldn't remember the last time she had gotten this emotional in front of him. There were plenty of nights alone while he was away that ended with her exhausting herself from crying, more so at the beginning than as of late. Her chest had begun to tighten up as she spoke, and she could already feel her eyes starting to wet. "I love you, but I'm losing to your job every step of the way and you don't even see it. It's not fair."

rhys alexander greyback ● 418 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

its not a silly little moment

it's not the storm before the calm

June 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Maybe if Rhys hadn't thought or assumed things were fine, it would be easier to take it all in. Or if he had also felt unhappy, but he didn't, or at least he hadn't. It would upset anyone, wouldn't it? Especially when Rhys felt like there hadn't really even been a warning. The amount of work he'd done in the last six months was quite a lot, but it wasn't like he couldn't receive a letter or some kind of note or a phone call if she really felt this way. And Rhys didn't like feeling blindsided, especially when he'd made it a point to be open with Juniper. Sure, it had taken some time for him to slowly bring down all those walls, and he didn't count the suspension conversation because that was so very unique. As Juniper continued to clarify, his eyes focused on the coffee table where the now-forgotten newspaper lay quietly.

The mention of the suspension felt unnecessary. "That's not fair. That wasn't even my fault." Rhys spoke, defending himself before thinking. He was tired of dredging that up. Nobody liked revisiting their extremely low points. Rhys could feel the emotion radiating off her before he saw it with his own eyes. Her reactions like this reliably stopped him and his thoughts in their tracks. Suddenly, his throat felt a little tight. This wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't what Rhys had worked so hard for. His arms relaxed, and Rhys took a small step forward from the wall. All Rhys wanted to do was to comfort her, but clearly, that wasn't a solution to a very real problem.

"Juni, I…" Every word that came out of her mouth only made him feel worse than he already did. "I don't know what you want me to do." Rhys admitted, and that was the truth. There didn't seem to be a lot of options here, especially since it seemed to be related to his job. A job and career he happened to enjoy very much. "I've worked so hard to get where I am, and it's not like I had any other choice." Rhys began. Maybe he just had to get her to understand it through his eyes. "I had nothing and nowhere to go, but this job…it didn't matter, and I'm good at it." Hopefully, it went without mention that the suspension was an anomaly in all that. Stump was just some overgrown child whose father was sort of important and had plenty of gold to his name.

Rhys sighed, looking away a moment. ”I guess I can’t expect you to understand, and I wish you’d said something sooner.” How could she understand? Every time Rhys spent time with her family, he thoroughly enjoyed himself as much as he held on to that little bit of pure jealousy in his soul at the reminder of everything he never had. He was hearing that she was probably feeling a little lonely, which was understandable, he supposed. But spending time alone because he worked for a few weeks hardly constituted “loneliness” to him. ”You and this job are all I have.”

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Of course the suspension was his fault. He was the one that threw the punch at the punk and drew the ire of the Ministry. Did the punishment fit the crime? Absolutely not, and she had never once thought that the delay in him getting back to work was his fault. Rhys deserved a suspension, but not the one they gave him. That aside though, it was what helped define that there were cracks in their supposed castle. Looking back, Juniper knew things weren't 'right'. Hindsight did a great job of highlighting that. The main problem was always communication regarding their respective feelings on it, which she had tried to overcome so many times. There had been some improvement, though she questioned now if this could have been solved if she'd brought it up right after the holidays.

"You had me and you had here," she rebutted. She didn't dare equate that his 'nothing' included her. That definitely wasn't true, even if there were times where she felt like it. And he did have a choice. There were tons of options. He didn't have to bend to the bank's will and take every job they gave him, one after the other. Those jobs were meant for people who had nothing else. He wasn't one of those people.

"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand why your job has become your entire personality. I don't understand why you seem so averse to being here. I. Don't. Understand. You're right though. I should have said something sooner. But I really doubt you would have understood me. Because you never have when it comes to the job." She stood up from the couch during this, her voice rising with her. She was never going to understand the allure of Cursebreaking. Why risking life and limb was more important than being home. She had tried to pull it out of Saff, but could never get a clear answer from her either. "And I'm telling you that from my perspective, it looks like all you care about is your job. You can choose to do what you want with that, Rhys. I'm done trying to spell it out for you."

In the immediacy, Juniper felt like she needed to leave. He wasn't going to get it even if she beat him over the head with a broom at this point. If ever. Walking towards the bedroom without looking at him, she started to pack a bag, aggressively throwing random clothes into it. She was going to be the one to storm out this time. Not him. It was exhausting watching him slink back in during the early morning, piss drunk and hoping that was enough time to fix things. Because it hadn't worked. She had been ruminating about running off for a month on her own to complete the animagus process, this interaction finally convincing her to go through with it. Everything lined up if she left in a week and a half, and she knew she could do it. Rhys would have known about that had he been home at all. It was time that she did something for herself.

rhys alexander greyback ● 527 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

its not a silly little moment

it's not the storm before the calm

June 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

“You know what I mean—“ Rhys responded with an exasperated sigh. Before Juniper entered his life, he had very little to look forward to. Sure, he had his close friends, but they had their own lives and goals that didn’t always include him. With Juniper, they’d built something together, but the foundation wasn’t what Rhys thought it was. But she was his rock. How could there be so many cracks? But as Juniper stood and continued to speak with increasing intensity, Rhys could only just look helplessly at her. What was happening right now?

“Juni, I’m not averse to being here or with you, but I can’t just not work. And I don’t think even you could picture me sitting at a desk all day. I don’t—“ he couldn’t finish his thought as Juniper left the living room for their bedroom. Without thinking, Rhys immediately followed but stopped in the doorway. His eyes grew wide, and his brows furrowed in concern as he watched her throw clothes in a bag. “What are you doing?” Either Rhys’ heart stopped, or it was beating so fast he could hardly feel it. All at once that feeling hit him, panic and the way suddenly clarity would hit him in the field when a precise reaction was necessary. The thing was, he didn’t know what to do at this moment.

“Juni, c’mon, we’re not done talking about this.” All at once Rhys felt like the flat was too small again, suffocating, and Merlin did he need a drink. Taking a step forward, Rhys resisted the urge to grab the bag off the bed. “You can’t—“ There was an air of desperation in his voice he hadn’t expected. “You haven’t even given me a chance.” His brain defaulted to what it saw. The love of his life telling him how she felt and then packing a bag. Like an animal retreating, Rhys took a step back into the doorframe.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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She always hated that he had good points to why Cursebreaking was made for him. But enough was enough. Too much time apart had made her think. And think some more. And maybe even think too much, because it was getting to the point where she really hated the options that she had left to choose from. Staying around here wasn't going to help with that though, as she'd always been the one left in the flat to think. Rhys needed to do it this time. "I'm going to my parents," she answered after throwing what looked to be a winter jacket in her bag. She had no idea what she was doing anymore, her hands taking hold of whatever they found first. The jacket was returned to the closet more calmly than it had been when it was removed, though the metal hanger it was on didn't get the same treatment as it clanged loudly on the rod.

Rhys apparently wanted to keep talking, but she had nothing else to say. He was the one that needed to reflect on it. She'd done her due diligence already, and that ended up with them here. "I am," she shot back to that, her fingers finding the zipper to the bag and pulling them closed in a punishing zip! Throwing it over her shoulder, she was almost surprised to see that he wasn't completely blocking the doorway. Not that he'd ever done anything to indicate he would, as that was more sort of her thing, but it surprised her nonetheless. This really had caught him off guard. Exactly as she had suspected. "Rhys, I have given you a chance. I've given you lots of chances. Every time you've come back hurt, I try my best to look the other way and pretend it doesn't bother me that you won't tell me how it happened. Whenever I try to get it out of you, you take it personally and push me away. Like I'm prying into something that doesn't involve me at all. And then with the suspension where you wouldn't...where you wouldn't even tell me what really caused it? Maybe I should have been harsher about this earlier...I don't know."

Frazzled wasn't even the right description for what she felt now. It was a mixture of exhaustion and deep sadness, because she had no idea how many ways she could explain it to him. That he was getting extremely close to losing her. Stepping by him in the bedroom doorway, she stopped and looked back to him. She hated the way he looked right now, but he needed it. If there was going to be a change, this was the only way it was going to happen. "You spend more time away than you do here. So you can have some of that to think about what to do next. I'll be back before you leave."

rhys alexander greyback ● 485 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

its not a silly little moment

it's not the storm before the calm

June 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Rhys' throat grew helplessly tight when she zipped up the bag, and it took everything to hold back the tears behind his eyes. His jaw tightened. If she was going to her parents, that meant they would know things weren't good. A strange wave of shame washed over Rhys. How would they look at him now? Maybe it would click that he wasn't good enough for Juniper, and they'd tell her what many had probably done over the years. They'd survived all those kinds of comments, but Juniper hadn't beaten someone to a pulp over it as Rhys had done.

He felt small. Like that lonely, forgotten boy in the orphanage's back corner, frustrated with things he didn't understand and constantly reminded that nobody would ever want to adopt the weird werewolf kid. When Juniper walked past Rhys in the doorframe, it might've broken him if she hadn't stopped and spoken again. Quickly, he turned. Although he heard her words, it didn't entirely register that she would return. All Rhys could focus on was that she was leaving with a packed bag. In an incredibly rare moment, Rhys would be in their flat alone.

"Juniper, please don't…" Rhys stopped. This pain in his chest was awful. He just shook his head and sort of threw his hands up in some frustration. "I just wanted to protect you. You're really going to leave me for that?" As was the case with Rhys, there was a little bit of anger in the mix. Whether he was angry at himself for screwing this all up or angry ear Juniper for this, apparently, rejection remained to be seen. But it was one way for Rhys' subconscious to take back some control even when even Rhys knew he should've stopped talking.

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She never actually said she was going to fully leave him, though that had crossed her mind a few times on the darker days. Such a thought felt cruel at first, until it festered enough that she realized there were full weeks where Rhys was gone and it was like he wasn't there. At first, she had believed that it was some sort of coping mechanism for the loneliness. A way for her brain to tell her that it was okay and that things would be better once he came back. Which they were for a long time. Right up until they weren't anymore. Now she dreaded what the next fight would kick off with. Today was no exception, and it had never been about the missing notebook. She hoped Rhys would be able to see that too, in his time alone here. That she'd come back, they'd have a long talk about what actually needed to be done, and then go from there. But they couldn't kick it down the road to months from now like she'd done with the suspension and then the holidays. That would only make the next fight worse than this. She wanted to have some sort of self-preservation at the very least.

As for calling what he'd been doing protection...well that irked her instantly. She almost threw her bag on the ground, a tiny burst of anger bubbling up. "Rhys, stop while you're ahead. This is exactly what I'm talking about. What you were doing was shutting me out, not protecting. I don't like being infantilized." Hiking up her bag around her shoulder so that it wouldn't slip when she diapparated, she quickly made her way to the front door. The last thing she wanted to do was allow time for worse things to be said.

"We'll talk when I get back," she repeated, giving him one last look. Each word caught in her throat, the weight of them already sending signals to her brain that when that time came, it was going to be raw. Juniper already knew that the second her feet hit the front stoop of her parents' house, she wasn't going to be able to hold it together any longer either. The brief moments of anger had helped suppress it so far, but it was quickly coming to an end as she felt her chest tighten with each step towards the front door. The soft click of the doorknob as she turned it clockwise felt like an eternity, allowing intrusive thoughts of whether or not this was a good idea to enter. If not now, then when? The next fight? Until she absolutely loathed him and couldn't stand to even be associated with him? To the point where every single good memory they had together was splotched over by horrid shouting matches and never ending feelings of contempt for one another? This was far from the highs of their relationship, but she knew it could go so much lower if it was only given a chance. And that was something Juniper absolutely did not want.

So she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, the whip like crack of her disapparition finding her ears before the apartment door could close behind her. The warping tug of her brain focusing on her parents house in Hogsmeade, hoping she didn't end up splinched in her time current state. Feeling her feet hit the familiar gravel pathway on the outskirts of the McGonagall property, she wobbled towards the house a stream of tears already finding their way out without any effort. Why did love hurt?

[Juniper End]

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