Game Over [Rhys]

[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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Mid-August 2022

"I want to break up." She finally said it. The thought of uttering those words had bounced around her head for almost two months now, louder while she completed her silent and solitary quest of becoming an animagus. Reading books and staring up at the stars could only distract her from the real problem for so long. If anything, the quiet contemplation had only helped push it along. Juniper was pretty sure that Rhys knew it was coming. It had been no secret when she'd stormed out at the end of June that she wasn't happy anymore and that things needed to drastically change for her to even contemplate continuing the relationship. Maybe she hadn't said the last part out loud to him, but she had already been thinking about that. While she was locked away in her cabin retreat for that month, thinking hard with the mandrake leaf shoved under her tongue, she realized that while she did miss him, it wasn't the same as it had been. She couldn't keep babysitting him when he was drunk, or moody, or when he refused to tell her what was going on in his cursebreaker life that she barely knew about. Getting her information secondhand from Saffron felt dirty and invasive. Like she didn't even know who he was sometimes. It had finally reached a point where she realized that she had to do what was best for herself, even if that hurt the most.

They were sitting in the living room for this, and she had her hands interlocked to keep them from shaking as she spoke. There had been no way to mentally steel herself for this, even though she thought she would be sort of fine. Once she had asked Rhys to sit down and then said the words though, it became so much more difficult. She couldn't take it back at this point, even if she wanted to. Not even a time turner could salvage their relationship now. Taking in a long, wavering inhale, Juniper held onto it for a moment for letting it back out. "I can't keep doing this. Pretending that everything is fine when it isn't for me. I know you won't leave your job, and you shouldn't have to so...so I'm making the decision instead." She took another long breath as she finished, her nose already starting to feel runny from the impending tears. Each time she spoke felt like a gasp for fresh air. Unlocking her hands, she quickly dabbed away at the first of the tears that had started to dribble out of the corners of her eyes. Why did it have to be this way? There never should have been a choice between the two in the first place, but here they were.

rhys alexander greyback ● 463 ● Song by Artist

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[rhys alexander greyback]

even when I doubt you

i’m no good without you

August 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Fucking miserable. Intolerably angsty. These were just a couple of phrases Saffron had uttered during their last job while Sharp conveniently was elsewhere to remain neutral. That last fight with Juniper had left Rhys feeling entirely upside down to the point that even he knew that working wasn’t the greatest idea. It probably wouldn’t have been as bad had they actually spoken before he left for that job. But they didn’t, so Rhys figured when he got home, they would. But nope. Just a week of Rhys, his flat, and whiskey for company. But it had been the only way to quell his extreme anxiety because Rhys hadn’t heard from Juniper since she had gone to her parents.

So, Saffron had a slew of other creative adjectives to describe Rhys’s sour or gloomy mood. He couldn’t deny any of it. Rhys had returned once more, and this time Juniper was here. A mix of relief of anger hit him all at once but even he had wherewithal to not immediately let his anger show. But he supposed the sense of relief that she was here was stronger than any anger he harbored. At least for now. Rhys heard Juniper’s words, but their registration and real meaning were taking time.

“I—erm…” Rhys couldn’t speak for a moment and an immense pressure grew behind his eyes and in his chest. Leaning forward he leaned his elbows on his knees and ran his hands over his face. No. This wasn’t happening. He shook his head ‘no’. “Juni, please.” Rhys’ words were quiet, which was what he could manage at that point. Like he always did, Rhys felt fidgety as noted by his knee bouncing. His anxiety only grew as she continued to speak.

Is that what this was all about? His work? Rhys reached out for her hand now that it was free, she couldn’t leave him. Did she need more time at her parents, did he need to take some time off work? What did he need to do? “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it, just don’t—“ Rhys’ words caught in his throat. Looking away for a moment, he struggled to keep himself composed. “—don’t leave me.” The last part came out like a desperate whisper.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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She could barely hear Rhys pleading. Somehow, Juniper knew it was going to happen this way. Calling it begging wasn't the right term for it, but she'd believed for a while now that he didn't actually fully understand what she'd been trying to say. arhat she was tired of being alone and coming second to his job. There had been warnings at the beginning, from the significant others of older cursebreakers, who basically all said the same thing: this wasn't easy. And they were right. It hadn't been. For as strong willed and independent as she thought she was, she couldn't hack it anymore. Four years of it and she was so mentally checked out of it now that she was positive she couldn't give in and go back to it. Not when she had already made her decision and said those words. No matter what, they would now loom over whatever their relationship turned into. If she took it back, it was tainted by this exact moment. There was no need for resentment towards Rhys when it mostly had to do with his job. That was her true enemy in all of this.

She felt him take her free hand, and for a moment she almost pulled it away. But she didn't. The amount of rejection he was going through right, that she could hear in his whisper of a voice, was enough to tell her that doing so would have shattered him even more than her breaking up with him would. "I can't tell you what to do. That's the thing...if I asked you to stop being a Cursebreaker, would you? Because if you did, then you'd hate every second of your next job. And then you'd hate me for it." Once they allowed for disdain like that to fester and spread, it would truly be game over. "I don't want that to happen. I don't want us to hate one another after this." During those moments alone in the cabin, she had convinced herself that this was out of love. And maybe it was, in a way. A love that was quickly running out with very little energy left to keep it going. By stopping it now, she thought she could retain some of what they used to have. When the times were good. "But I can't do this anymore. The stress of worrying about you being gone, and then you shrugging off my questions when you are here...and the drinking? I've really been struggling for the last year and you haven't even noticed it. I feel invisible. As it is, we're basically friends that happen to sleep together a couple times a month and that's it. Our relationship isn't supposed to be like that..."

rhys alexander greyback ● 458 ● Song by Artist

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

even when I doubt you

i’m no good without you

August 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Like he was holding onto an edge with only his fingertips, Rhys felt that sense of panic and clarity settle in. Clearly, Juniper was also hurting, which still made Rhys wonder why she was doing this. Did she feel that heavy weight on her chest as well? He could feel the solid foundations crumbling beneath their feet. Rhys could only look at her, unable to answer. He didn’t trust his voice, nor did he have an answer. Well, not one that could fix any of this. Juniper sounded reasonable and unreasonable all at the same time, and even Rhys knew that his pleading who do nothing to change her decision. It wouldn’t undo everything he’d done wrong these last few years.

Looking away, Rhys gave a light nod. The last thing he wanted was to hate Juniper or for her to hate him. Rhys clenched his jaw hard, keeping his eyes trained on anything but her. Even now, his eyes prickled with tears that he couldn’t stop. It wasn’t something he could respond to immediately. The things that Juni pointed out and that added to his anger. Of course, he’d fuck this up. It was just the trend of his life, wasn’t it? First, his entire family was taken away from him and sent to places that didn’t want him. And consistently matching any hope with an equal amount of dejection.

Maybe that was the problem. Rhys had too much hope, which is why it hurt so fucking bad when the other shoe dropped. As his thoughts spiraled and any logic shoved aside, Rhys struggled to wrap his mind around all this. Really, he wanted to argue. Not wanting to revisit details about his work or a few glasses of whiskey to clear his head wasn’t a crime. It was how he sometimes survived the job. What happened to the days when she seemed more supportive? Rhys sniffed and cleared his throat. The pressure in his face was growing from congestion. He slowly pulled his hand back, lacing his fingers together as he leaned forward.

”So, is this what you have been doing for the past month?” Rhys wasn’t pleading anymore, as much as he wanted to. Maybe he was subconsciously doing damage control now to get through the rest of this. And Juniper hadn’t elaborated why all of Rhys’ communications while at work or that week home had gone unanswered. Though it was probably over a month, he could not recall the exact timelines in his current state. ”Figuring out how to break up with me?” His eyes met Juni’s for some answer. It wasn’t too much to ask, was it? Rhys knew he should probably heed Juniper’s last words to him after that fight and stop while he was ahead, but he was far too upset for that.

Did Saffron know? Maybe Juniper had been in contact with her this entire time, the thought hadn’t occurred to him before, but they were two peas in a pod when Saff wasn’t working alongside Rhys. Either way, Rhys couldn’t fathom the thought of staying sober much longer. Logically, everything Juniper said made sense, but Rhys didn’t want reason.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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Juniper knew this was going to hurt but it was a whole lot worse going through with it than she could have imagined. The constant little voice in the back of her head telling her how she was 'throwing away' the past six years. Which wasn't true at all, but how could she convince her own brain from doubting itself? Sadly, she already knew how to live on her own. Rhys's frequent absences had led to that. The fact that she wasn't even worried about living in her own space added to the whole debate she'd been going through. Moving sucked and she hated that she was most likely going to be the one to leave the apartment. It would be easier that way though.

Rhys asked if this is what she had spent the last month doing - thinking of how to end things with him. She fidgeted uncomfortably in her spot, finding it hard to make eye contact with him. How in Merlin's name did she explain that yes, she had been thinking about all of this, but also that it had been done while she was becoming an animagus. That little detail hadn't been talked about yet, and she hardly wanted to be congratulated for it. "No...not exactly," she took a deep breath and wiped away at her eyes again with her sleeve. "Well, sort of, I guess." She was stalling to find a way that didn't make this all sound so trivial. Because it wasn't to her. Taking a deep inhale, she continued, "I spent it becoming an animagus...I'd already had it planned when everything happened, so I couldn't not think about all of this."

Still, it had been a long time coming. She had known for a while now that there had to be a change and that it was either how he handled his job or she would have to leave. It wasn't sustainable any longer. "I'm sorry Rhys, I really am. But I cannot do this anymore. It'll be better for both of us," Juniper said again, quieter than before. She couldn't even look at him as she said it, because it hurt too much. There was no way he would see it the same way she did, at least not right now. It had to be over though. For her own sake. "I'll start moving my things out this weekend..."

rhys alexander greyback ● 398 ● Song by Artist

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

even when I doubt you

i’m no good without you

August 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

That was not the answer he expected. Not only was Juniper not denying it, but the real reason also made him feel worse. He sat up and looked at her, that wasn’t a trivial thing, and Juniper had just…not told him. ”An animagus…” Rhys had questions, like the kind he would ask were they not in the middle of breaking up. Guess those didn’t matter anymore, either. She had done it completely without him. ”Wow, that’s…congratulations.” Rhys managed to mutter. Even if it didn’t sound convincing, Rhys meant it. The pending unknown weighed on him. She’d done this big important thing completely without him, and Rhys felt like he was now left behind.

Rhys scoffed lightly, ‘It’ll be better for both of us’. He certainly hadn’t decided that. Waiting a moment, Rhys finally spoke. ”Well…since you’ve made up your mind, then.” made it up for both of them. Rhys needed to get away. Sitting here was just painful and obviously futile. Honestly, he was surprised she hadn’t just moved out while he was out and taken her things and that stupid bed frame she spent forever nagging him about. Standing up, he walked a few steps away. Merlin, he needed a drink—several drinks. Why hadn’t it worked? Why couldn’t he just make it work? And she wasn’t going to let him fix it. Six years just for a ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ logic? Rhys half turned, so Juniper sat in his peripheral vision. Any further, and he would’ve just broken down. ”I’m sorry, I—um…” he swallowed hard, shaking his head. This wasn’t what he wanted. Nobody wanted to be rejected and abandoned. ”I’ll just go then…”

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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She knew he was being earnest about his congratulations, but she felt horrible about it all the same. This sort of thing, had life been normal, would have consumed her every waking moment for months. And yet she hadn't mentioned it once to him. Was it kept a secret due to bit out of pettiness because he never told her about his job? Probably. Calling it a secret when Rhys wasn't even around to talk about it felt off though, because it took both of them to have a conversation. And those weren't happening. "Thanks," she muttered back in response. It certainly didn't feel good right now, and hadn't when she'd told Ewan the week prior when she returned to work. For such a life changing accomplishment, Juniper had done a great job at making it seem pointless in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that was her issue with all of this: she was too selfish. Practicing an advanced Transfiguration ritual without her boyfriend even knowing about it and then breaking up with him just to protect her own interests was definitely selfish in some way. The guilt of it all stung.

Watching Rhys stand up and walk away from the couch, it finally hit her. The reality of her own words as he seemingly accepted her decision. She knew it wasn't what he wanted, but there was no other choice and he finally relented. No more questions, no more begging for her to stay, no more them. In her mind, she knew it was the right choice for this to happen, as much as it hurt to do so. It had to be this way.

Juniper also stood as he stated he was going to leave and opened her mouth to try to tell him it wasn't necessary. But maybe it was. She had watched him pack his bag what seemed like a hundred times since they moved in together, each time wondering if it would be the last time they'd see one another. And now it was actually happening because of her own doing. Her head felt full of fuzz as it tried to figure out what to do next. "No...I'll uh, I just need to get clothes..." she responded as she started walking towards the bedroom, her legs feeling like they didn't even belong to her as they moved automatically under her. Her previous bag hadn't even been unpacked yet, and now she was throwing even more into it. It felt like a repeat of when she'd stormed out a month prior, except now this was it. Maybe there had been hope for things to fix themselves then. Not anymore though.

rhys alexander greyback ● 445 ● Song by Artist

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

even when I doubt you

i’m no good without you

August 2022
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Rhys saw Juniper move from the couch, and his body tensed. Why couldn’t she wait until he’d gone? Now Rhys had to deal with Juniper so physically close to him for the second or two it took to walk past and into their bedroom. Well, it wasn’t their bedroom anymore, was it? Hearing the zipper on the bag, Rhys felt a chill travel up his spine, paralyzing him in his spot for a moment. The cruel irony was that he wasn’t due back to work for another three or four weeks.

The sound of hangers hitting the floor brought Rhys back to the present. Why did he let it get this far? Let someone get so close? This felt terrible, and clearly, his biggest mistake was letting his guard down so someone could hurt him. Rhys had trusted Juniper when she said she loved him, but now he was alone again. Glancing again at the bedroom, Rhys only had a partial view because of the door. He took the opportunity to leave the apartment without interference, letting the door shut loudly behind him.

[ end rhys ]

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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Was there a better way? Was the only thought that kept bouncing around in her head as she started grabbing things from her wardrobe. Or what used to be her wardrobe, she supposed. None of the furniture was going with her, something that she had determined only just the day before. Rhys deserved to still have everything when he came back from his jobs. The only difference was that she wouldn't be there anymore. The mere thought of that caused another wave of tears to burst out. She tried and failed to squash them by closing her eyes, but that was impossible. If this was difficult, what was it going to be like when the weekend rolled around and she came by to get the rest of her belongings? Where did she even start?

Initially, Juniper didn't know if Rhys had stayed in the apartment or not, at least not until she heard the front door slam behind him on his way out. She'd heard it dozens of times over the last few months, every single time precipitated by some need to 'get air' or 'go for a drink'. All of that resentment towards him for leaving without actually facing the problems at hand. For the first time, she couldn't blame him for leaving. She probably would have done the same had their positions been switched.

What had been a hurried attempt to pack her bag turned into a slow crawl, the sudden silence only broken by the occasional sob and wet sniffle of her nose. There hadn't been time to mourn the relationship as she spent her month away becoming an animagus and now it was all hitting at the same time. And if she felt like this she could only begin to imagine what she'd just done to Rhys...

Her bag finally packed and with her basic necessities collected, she took one last look through the apartment. The thought of how much she still needed to pack later in the week made her dizzy. It matched the puffiness in her eyes, and the nauseas knot that had started to form in her stomach. Juniper contemplated sending a text to Rhys as she left, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Even though it was done, that would fully finalize it. She couldn't bring herself to do that. Not yet. Bag thrown over her shoulder, she left the apartment for the second time in the last month. At least Rhys was gone so she didn't have to see what she caused.

[The End]

rhys alexander greyback ● 423 ● Song by Artist

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