does your mother know | claire

[addilyn elara slater]

that's something i couldn't do

March 17, 2028
Claire Evangeline Slater

Sick. Addy carried this heavy feeling in her stomach the entire week—her final week employed by the Ministry of Magic. At first, she thought it might be the hangover from all that whiskey she’d consumed with her brother on Sunday. But, by Wednesday, she realized it was more than that. Finding a booth in the farthest corner of the pub, Addy’s eyes darted around and scoped her surroundings as much as she could while not physically moving her head. The usual crowd. Werewolves, she later realized—apparently, this pub was a popular spot for them.

Not that Addy had an issue, it was merely an observation. Even during her final days, Addy heard the buzz and comments increase. Somehow, it felt more than usual. But werewolves were not the reason for Addy’s discomfort. She carefully typed a reply on her mobile, reading it three times before hitting send. Her mother had taken to technology slowly, but once her superiors had walked in with mobile devices, so had she. And somehow, the hawk-eyed woman could see through a text message just as she could see through her children had they simply stood before her.

Addy hadn’t told her parents yet. So far, Grey, Brigh, Jack, and Cheese knew. The Friday evening crowd slowly trickled in, and a waitress had already passed twice to ask if Addy needed anything more than water. Liquid courage would be helpful in this following conversation—telling Claire. But Addy wasn’t sure she could stomach it just yet. Drinking the cool liquid, Addy took a long breath. She tried to focus on everything else she felt. The excitement that lingered after shaking Millie Dawes’ hand and putting on that Holyhead Harpies’ jersey for the first time. But time was running out—trades and the like were always a few small paragraphs in the Prophet’s Sports section, and Addy wasn’t sure if her name would appear.

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[Claire Evangeline Slater]

never enough.

THE VIOLET HOUND WAS THE KIND OF PUB THAT Rhys would invite Claire to, not her little sister Addilyn. She supposed since Addy had graduated from Hogwarts she was branching out socially, Claire wasn't the type to judge - well, she tried. Moving carefully past a man so wide in the shoulders he looked as if he'd get stuck in the doorway, a large and grisly scar cutting harshly down one side of his face. The kind of scar that encouraged a second look, though Claire made a polite attempt to avert her gaze as she scanned the room for a familiar head of fair hair.

Ducked so low she was almost shrouded in shadow, Claire caught sight of Addy in a booth near the very back of the room. A single sconce and magical candle lighting the table reluctantly. It was like she was undercover or something, and Claire almost laughed as she crossed the room to stand before the table, still dressed in her auror robes after a long shift that had revolved mostly around the paperwork of a single, pernickety theft case.

"Are you hiding from me?" Claire joked cheerfully, apologising absently when a rowdy group of rough looking patrons ambled past her to get back to their own table, pints in hand. "I mean, I'm pretty sure I was invited." She teased, dropping her bag onto the opposite side and almost dropping to take the opposite seat, her eyes catching on the charmed mobile in Addy's casual hand, a drink in the other. "What're you drinking?" She asked with a jerk of her chin, already standing again as she prepared to get a second round in, and a first for herself. "Still a bit early for the spirits..." She eyed the cool class Addy seemed to be strangling. 

addilyn elara slater

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[addilyn elara slater]

that's something i couldn't do

March 17, 2028
Claire Evangeline Slater

Focused on her phone, Addy almost jumped when hearing her sister’s voice. Addy was used to not seeing her older siblings for lengths of time due to their careers and often because Addy had been at school. Now, despite proximity at the Ministry, that much hadn’t changed. Still, Claire’s voice was unmistakable amongst the crowd, as much as her parents' voices would be. This made this discussion that much scarier for Addy, as Claire had always been someone she admired and looked up to. Especially since Claire, just like Grey, had encouraged Addy to choose something fulfilling as a career.

Deep down, Addy knew Claire would not disown her youngest sibling for such a career choice. There would be comments, perhaps, on her impulsivity. But everything Addy was raised with weighed heavily on her shoulders, and she did nothing but whisper in her ears often how Addy was throwing everything away and making a terrible decision. The main thought that kept her head above water was remembering how it felt to fly and focus while in the air and that feeling when handed a Jersey with ‘SLATER’ written on the back.

”N-No.” She managed to respond. Of course, she wasn’t hiding, not really anyway. ”I just wanted somewhere private to talk…” She explained despite not being asked.
”Whisky.” Early was relative. It was hardly breakfast time. And since leaving Hogwarts, Addy had begun to grow accustomed to the bitter bite in favor of its relaxing properties. Merlin—Claire must have been thinking the worst right about now.

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[Claire Evangeline Slater]

never enough.

HALFWAY OUT OF HER SEAT, CLAIRE HAD HER thoughts on a nice iced gin. Considering that she didn't trust the establishments wine list, it was a close second for her preferred drink of choice. However, all consideration of refreshment fled her mind when she got a good look at Addy's face. It was drawn, serious in a way that didn't really suit her little sister. Claire paused in a half crouch, her hands flat on the table as concern dropped the smile from her face.

"Is everything alright?" She asked immediately, knowing already that something wasn't right. Claire thought again about the covert nature of the pub, a place none of their usual crowd would typically haunt at this particular time of day. "Is it personal...?" She dipped her chin and whispered it across the table at her sister, casting a quick look over her shoulder as she did. Eying the whiskey glass in front of Addy, she stood all at once and nodded firmly. "Hold that thought," Claire wagged a finger, turning on her heels with a very stern, "I'll make it a double."

Though she wasn't sure if she was doing that for Addy, or herself. As she ordered her gin and tonic, and Addy's double whiskey on the rocks, she considered all the terrible things her sister might have to tell her. Grey was in prison, their parent's had cut her rent allowance, she had been fired from her internship. A sick feeling was welling in Claire's throat as she paid for the two drinks and left a good tip, before she returned to their table with a careful push of the whiskey glass in Addy's direction. "It's not a death curse, or anything, right?" She was half joking, taking a soft sip from her glass as she made herself comfortable in the seat, though she couldn't relax the stiff line of her back just yet. 

addilyn elara slater

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[addilyn elara slater]

that's something i couldn't do

March 17, 2028
Claire Evangeline Slater

Claire’s joking mood passed quickly, but Addy supposed that was warranted due to her entire demeanor. Addy opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Fortunately, Claire didn’t require an answer immediately. Addy closed her eyes and sighed heavily as her older sister went to the bar. One that left her slouching in her seat, threatening to slide under the table entirely. Such behavior would have her mother on edge, were she here, kicking her shins to sit up straight and act like they were in public. Then again, perhaps her mother might not have noticed, knowing very well that her eyes would be trained on all the werewolves in the place and their various appearances.

When Claire returned, Addy pushed herself to sit up straight. ”N-No. Of course not.” Addy’s brow furrowed. That was a bit of a ridiculous notion. How on earth would she have managed such a thing pushing scrolls at a desk all day. ”I—um—I did something.” Addy took the double whisky, sipping from it despite her desire to down it all. Looking at her sister, Addy saw the serious concern on her face. An expression shifted to one of focus as if she were at work. Sometimes, it felt like Addy was staring back at herself; the sisters shared the same pale grey, blue, and green eye color. For the most part, Addy felt her eyes lean toward a pale blue—or at least Rafe used to tell her as much.

How many secrets had she kept from her family? And now she only felt the weight, how very little it might seem to some, forcing her shoulders to slump. ”Claire, you once told me I should apply to whatever excites me the most.” Before beginning her seventh year, she remembered that conversation with her sister. Grey had told her much the same but in his own ‘stick it to mum’ kind of way. ”Did you mean that?” Now she looked at Claire across the table, wondering if her sister still had her back. ”Because I’ve been nothing but miserable since I left Hogwarts—“ With those words, Addy felt that lump in her throat, barely holding back everything shoved to the side.

Addy hated working at a desk. She hated the monotony of it. She hated what it had done to her personal life, splitting Addy apart from the one person she knew she was still in love with a year later. And Addy realized she’d never been more jealous of Brígh in her life. She truly enjoyed herself as a Cursebreaker while Addy worried about parchment paper cuts. ”And I…I don’t want to do it anymore…” She trailed off momentarily, looking away to think. ”So, I’m not.” Now, her heart slammed against her chest. ”I quit my internship.” Addy spoke low and fearfully. Feeling her entire body brace for some kind of impact, Addy resumed giving her attention to her whisky. Needing the courage to explain the rest of it.

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[Claire Evangeline Slater]

never enough.

PUSHING THE WHISKEY GLASS IN FRONT OF HER sister expectantly, Claire tried to remain as calm as possible. Though she was tucked around her own glass of gin, her face dangerously blank barring a slight furrowing of her brow. She was trying to be supportive and not push too hard on Addy, who had arranged the meeting for some dire reason. And, by the look of her drawn expression, Claire might have assumed it was a terrible tragedy.

"Something..." Claire echoed quietly, running the word around in her mouth like it would reveal some unspoken detail. Addy seemed to dither with her confession, and Claire used all of her self control to stop the overwhelming urge to reach over and shake the words loose. Instead, she nursed her drink with a careful concentration and jostled her leg too quickly under the table that she appeared to vibrate softly. As Addy continued in fits and starts, a well of dread opened inside of Claire and she found herself answering with a quiet hum of agreement. She had told Addy to do what she loved, because at least then it would avoid the deathly curse of their parent's single-minded ambition from the get-go.

Claire gnawed on her lip and used every shred of her self control to stop herself from interrupting her sister. Afraid that if she misspoke too soon that Addy would lose her nerve. She took a bigger, comforting mouthful of gin and let it numb her tongue before swallowing. The truth of it was slow to digest and Claire froze in place, glass just pulled an inch from her bottom lip as it landed like a stone in a still lake. It rippled, relief that it wasn't some terrible ailment or criminal charge, and a searing dread and understanding that Claire was not the first person to know this. She could see it in Addy's eyes, that her decision had been sat on and considered for some time and completed before broaching the topic with Claire, probably with help from a certain flighty brother of theirs. She set her glass down without speaking, straightening her carboard coaster to busy her hands.

"You never told me you were miserable..." Claire finally spoke, her first sentence slightly accusatory as she lifted her eyes and frowned at her sister. "I thought you loved tech... tinkering away with conversions and cogs and... whatever." Their parent's would have preferred a houseful of aurors, but they had been quick to come around to another Ministry member joining the ranks. It was a respectable internship, alongside well standing magical family names. Claire had spent weeks softening the blow so that Addy might enjoy her post-graduation placement without feeling as if she were being frozen out at the family dinner table.

"You're not being... hasty...?" She asked tentatively, pressing her palms flat and unthreateningly on the table top. "You would've graduated in a few months, had higher ranking assignments... I'm sure." She was trying to understand, wondering just how much she had missed while fighting her own battles with the auror department. 

addilyn elara slater

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[addilyn elara slater]

that's something i couldn't do

March 17, 2028
Claire Evangeline Slater

The look in Claire’s eyes was one of impatient and unwavering focus. Addy recognized it if only because she often had the same determination in her eyes, although with probably more patience. It was no wonder Addy wasn’t sorted in Gryffindor, as were her older siblings, but it merely spoke to how individual paths she supposed. Fearing what her sister might say now that the truth was out in the open—well, the first part of it, Addy tensed and drank a large mouthful of the whisky. It was hardly pleasant to drink like something with an umbrella in it, but the burn distracted her for the moment.

”I do—I enjoyed the work.” Addy interjected, immediately pausing. And then it all felt familiar. ‘Hasty’. An interesting choice, one that reminded Addy of their mother. Now, the next point—did Addy admit she’d quit while drunk on a Sunday night or omit that fact because the thought had sat in her mind for quite some time? After the rapid dissolution of her relationship, it took time for Addy to find any clarity in the fog of her life. This path she’d carefully curated for herself over many years wasn’t truly something of her own making. What did it say when one worked so hard to create something but wasn’t proud to take the credit?

”No. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.” Nervously, Addy’s fingers fiddled with the glass. ”I just—I had a plan Claire, and I’ve followed it but…” The mental anguish was draining, and perhaps the exhaustion was forcing pieces to fit together that did not belong together. Puzzle pieces had designated locations, but pushing them into another spot was insanity. Addy was supposed to graduate, join the ministry, and continue dating Raphael McLaggen, but nothing had gone right. Addy forced herself to stop and take a deep breath. Her thoughts were growing disorganized, and she couldn’t have that.

”I considered a different department at the Ministry. naturally, restarting any training would be a delay—but my NEWTs and experience count for something.” Law enforcement had crossed Addy’s mind, as did the law in general. Merlin, even Cursebreaking along with Brígh. ”But, I was invited to play quidditch by my—uh—a friend. A local league of sorts.” Addy had kept her relationship private from her family, but hiding things from siblings was always different from hiding them from one’s parents. ”And…and then it clicked.” Addy’s eyes focused on a scratch on the table, but only so she wasn’t distracted while explaining. Finally, she looked up at Claire. Going from House Team Captain to a desk job had been the wrong move.

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[Claire Evangeline Slater]

never enough.

THE REALITY THAT CLAIRE HAD MISSED something so fundamental left her almost dizzy. Addy had always been her precious, baby sister. The one that looked up to her, that confided in her for every little detail as they got older. Claire had always been proud to be a big sister when she understood what it meant, had moved passed the typical teenage resentments and embarrassments. To know that something had gone on, something so big and life changing, and she was just now being told... she felt... embarrassed.

The inside of her glass held no answers, but she still stared into it deeply. Pulling her lips in-between her teeth and biting down gently so that she didn't say something she would immediately regret like: 'how could you be so stupid?', or 'what were you thinking?'. Instead, she took a slow sip of her drink and let it sear her nostrils as she breathed deeply. The silence stretched between them, and Addy spoke in fits and starts. Claire found that the quieter she was, the more Addy would reveal. This had been a tactic pulled over from infancy.

"Quidditch..." Claire muttered, echoing Addy's words like she didn't quite understand what she was saying. "You quit your tech internship for... Quidditch..." The truth of it stung, like a plaster being pulled too quickly from a healing wound. It felt oddly like deja vu. Like defending Grey's decision to quit being an Auror to be a sports journalist, of all things. She and Addy had always been similar, ambitious and clever and outspoken. Though Addy had always had a certain charm that Claire lacked, a sociability she couldn't reach, but it worked in her favour. Now, they seemed oceans apart. She tapped her fingers rhythmically against her glass and bit the inside of her bottom lip until she tasted blood.

"Which team?" She asked eventually, after a long stretch of quiet rumination. "Are they in the league, I mean... I don't... know much." She sniffed, blinking rapidly as she tried to remain as understanding as possible. However, there was one question that itched the back of her brain, pushing and pushing to be verbalised. She could only hold off for so long, taking another drink from her glass. Claire hadn't even let the bottom touch the table before she spat out in a rush. "Who else knows?" She wasn't talking about their parents. "Does Grey know?"

addilyn elara slater

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[addilyn elara slater]

that's something i couldn't do

March 17, 2028
Claire Evangeline Slater

Despite Addy’s anxiety and fear, later, she might appreciate Claire’s attempt not to speak with whatever first entered her mind. Whatever lingered, there was probably not any different from the thoughts Addy had repeated to herself over months of figuring out her next step. Their mother’s words might as well have been seared into their brains. Drinking more whisky, Addy savored the few moments she could hide behind the glass. Not making eye contact would only make her look dodgy and make it all worse. Their mother always implied that it made them look guilty, even if they hadn’t done anything wrong.

Claire’s initial tone was discouraging. While Addy held fast externally, internally, her heart sank. Her shoulders slumped just a bit. Expecting confetti and celebration would have been ridiculous, but for someone to sound so…confused? Addy suddenly felt the weight of all the doubt. Again, she drank more whisky helping herself to a large mouthful. The burn gave her a chill up her spine. ”Yes—the Holyhead Harpies.” Addy responded proudly, not knowing if Claire would recognize the name. ”They were filling openings on their reserves…” Again, Addy slumped a little. Admitting she’d quit something stable to essentially sit on a bench was not what she had in mind.

But the season was nearing its end, and training would commence all summer until the season began again. Who knew what would change at that point? She wanted to explain more before a question finally caught her off guard. ”I—yes.” In this matter, Grey had been the only person Addy felt she could talk to as someone who completed similar steps to walk away from life as an Auror to one of journalism. Granted, Addy hadn’t admitted anything to Grey while sober. Staring into her glass, Addy sorted through her thoughts for a moment. She couldn’t go into details about getting a goal past the best Keeper in the league or Grey explaining how Addy’s school status compared to current Chasers.

With a sigh, Addy felt the urge to explain herself further. Whether more context would help, she didn’t know. ”Claire—I made the house team in my second year. Do you know how incredibly rare that is? And I flew every year until I made Captain.” While second-years were allowed to fly, they often weren’t chosen for the team because there were only so many open positions. Often, older students were more successful. ”Do you know how many teams wanted me to play for them before I heard back from the Ministry?” The Harpies included. But at the time, Addy lacked the strength to step off a road paved for her. A road created with high walls and no visible exits until Addy realized the walls weren’t ever there to begin with. But the consequences were all the same, regardless.

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[Claire Evangeline Slater]

never enough.

THE CURLING OF ADDY'S SHOULDERS AS SHE listened to Claire's tentative concerns almost stopped Claire in her tracks. She worried about her family, about what was expected of them as they moved on in the world. Claire had only ever wished for her sister to be good, to be great at whatever she did. It just made it easier to be proud of her when she chose something Claire understood. A Ministry internship had a guaranteed full time position for those that passed, it was a respectable, well paying job to work in magical technology - an innovative venture in modern times. Or, so their parents had drummed into them since they were old enough to listen.

"Oh, the Welsh team, right?" Claire asked stiffly, trying to appear interested and keen to learn more. Despite the fact that her heart was racing and her mind calculating all of the ways it could go terribly wrong. "The reserves, does that mean..." Claire cleared her throat, the criticism clawing at her determinedly as she stamped down and took a sobering breath. "Is it... steady... reliable?" She asked, but with a softer tone of voice, less sharp and probing than she might have been if Addy hadn't hunched at Claire's initial inquiries.

The fact that Grey knew before Claire did have a sting to it. She felt slighted suddenly, taking another gulp of her drink and swallowing as she attempted to breathe steadily through the ache of it. The insult of it sharpening her jaw as she clenched her back teeth around the truth of her own judgement. She suddenly felt like the outsider, a feeling Claire hadn't often experienced with Addy. They were always on the same page, until they weren't.

"I'm not saying you're not a fantastic Quidditch player." Claire muttered quietly, the fierceness of Addy's defence hitting like a slap to her face. "I have seen you play, I know you're good, I just-" Claire stopped to clear her throat, shaking her head slightly as she sat back in her chair and caught Addy's eye from across the battle lines that were suddenly drawn between them.

"I can't just praise you, I'm not Grey, I'm not just your friend." She clarified with a reestablished composure. "I'm just making sure that you've thought about this, that you're not going to regret it a couple months, a year down the line when the damage has been done." She pursed her mouth when she finished, preparing for the kind of passionate rebuttal she knew Addy was capable of. 

addilyn elara slater

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!

[addilyn elara slater]

that's something i couldn't do

March 17, 2028
Claire Evangeline Slater

Addy watched Claire struggle. She wondered if this was what Cheese or Brígh saw when Addy’s insides were pulling in opposite directions. And as uncomfortable as it appeared externally, internally, it was far worse. The word ‘reserves’ still left a bitter taste in Addy’s mouth. Everything told her she was good enough for the team—logically, it was merely a matter of open positions. So Addy just had to wait her turn, just as she’d done with Captain back in school. But Merlin, hopefully, she didn’t have to wait six years to leave the bench. ”Yes.” At least that was true.

Addy didn’t elaborate, but there were a lot of possibilities. As a reserve player, she was open to being scouted by other teams, or so she was told. Ultimately, playing for the Harpies would be best, but Addy would not let herself sit on the bench forever. Hearing Claire praise her skills was something. It meant more than Addy could explain, considering their mother had never bothered to comment on anything Quidditch-related. Their father might have. But she hadn’t bothered to ask, fearing the same treatment. But he was a fan. Reading the sports section of the Prophet daily was his ritual, like saying the sun would rise every morning.

Claire’s following words, however, stung. ”I know you’re not Grey, but you’re not my mother either.” The words left Addy’s mouth before she could think. A normal person might have immediately realized what they’d said and apologized, but Addy felt her heels digging in. It's true. They were sisters, just as Grey was her brother. She forced herself to pause by drinking more whiskey. ”I’m not a child, Claire. I’ve done nothing but think about this for a long time.” A frustration sat heavily in her gut. Merlin, what would it take not to be seen as some naïve and hopeful first year? In her mind, the damage was already done. Two years lost, she could’ve been making a name for herself in the league.

Every Slater’s middle name might as well have been Pride. ”I’m not looking for praise. I didn’t want you to find out through mum or someone at the Ministry.” What was there to be praised? Addy hadn’t accomplished anything yet. Claire could praise her when she finally left the bench. Something about running and surviving that burning castle years before had kicked Addy into viewing a perspective she wasn’t aware existed. And fighting that change had cost her quite a bit in the long run.

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[Claire Evangeline Slater]

never enough.

IT WAS A DIFFICULT THING FOR CLAIRE TO FULLY come to terms with. She'd never been a great Quidditch lover, nor did she completely understand the draw of playing professionally. As far as she knew, most players were on the field for a max of 6-10 years before retiring with stiff bones and a jaded kind of infamy. She couldn't quite picture her little sister in that box, it seemed like a grave disservice to her intellect.

The glass was wet in her hand, fingers slipping on the condensation as Claire used it as an excuse to keep her mouth shut. When she did speak, Addy seemed to coil like a snake preparing to snap. When she finally did, it landed like another cold slap. Claire reared her head back, and her attempt at treading lightly dropped as quickly and delicately as it had formed. She placed her glass down deliberately slow and flattened her hands on the table to stop her fists curling in frustration.

"You're right," She said with a dangerous calm. "If I was mum..." Claire's nostrils flared and her mouth pinched. "If I was mum, I'd have told you what a raging disappointment it was to hear that you were nothing but a quitter." Claire's retort flew from her like a well aimed blade, and she only regretted it marginally as she leaned back, reeling from Addy's defensive posturing. "I'm not treating you like a child, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult."

She was sitting so ramrod straight that Claire looked as if she were about to leap from her chair. "No, you're just easing in by telling me before you tell mum and dad." Claire corrected her stiffly, finally lifting her drink for something to do other than grind her back teeth to dust. "I'm just your tester." She grumbled, feeling more than a little sore about the whole thing. She looked away, sipping from her glass until there was nothing but ice rattling around in the bottom. She stood abruptly. "I'm going for another drink." She muttered, refusing to wait for Claire's order as she took off toward the bar in a mood. 

addilyn elara slater

NEVERLAND at ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0!