take my nirvana | grey

[addilyn elara slater]

made it this far

so i can't stop running

January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

Benched. Addy still couldn’t deal with the word. Things had been going so well. She even had a blast at the Gala the previous month with her teammates, only for it all to end a few short weeks later. And why? The last match of the year. Addy still wielded her bat for the Harpies in a bitterly cold match marred by consistent fouls (from both sides, honestly) and gameplay that never seemed to end. It wasn’t the longest match Addy had played. It had occurred months before in a match against Puddlemere United that threatened to fall into the next day. But this one was heading in that direction.

After the fifth blatching foul called against her (she still managed to send a bludger toward the opposing Chaser), Addy was annoyed, to say the least. And then it happened—both seekers battled for the snitch while the beaters flew in overdrive. Addy and her teammate worked in tandem to clear the opposing beaters, but in a swift second, all Addy remembered was waking up on the ground. Her teammate also took a fall, but he was standing. Turns out a bludger had been sent toward her (a lucky bludger backbeat move) while the second opposing beater had fallen off his broom right into Addy as well.

So, the Harpies beaters chased the Wasps’ beaters. Addy and her teammate sent bludgers toward them. One sent it back toward Addy, while the other let his whole body collide with her instead. And the league took injuries very seriously. Addy ended up with a broken wrist, arm, ribs, and collarbone from bludger hitting her and the player falling on top of her. Needless to say, the bone-regrowing process was unspeakably painful, and the concussion required Addy not to play for a prescribed period of time.

Practice that morning had been boring; Addy flew for a short while, easily proving her motor skills were still intact and she was ready to play, but another reserve player took the beater spot now. As a reserve player herself, Addy held no seniority on the spot as a starting lineup player would. She would have to wait her turn again. While Addy didn’t want to see her teammates injured or off the team, she missed the sensation of flying. Two matches had passed since the start of the year. Addy watched from the ground like one of the spectators. For now, she curled up on the couch of her shared flat with her phone until she heard a knock at the door.

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[grey xavier slater]

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Quidditch was a rough sport. The level of athleticism to stay on one's own broom and still manage their own role in the pitch was insane. It was probably why Grey had never even given it a shot, shoddy flying skills aside. Needless to say, the sport was dangerous but not nearly as much as it once was. Everyone, players and audience alike, knew it was a possibility for extreme injuries still. But it really didn't happen as much when so many things could be fixed with a wand wave or a potion or two. Concussions were really the only injury that truly warranted an extended absence for a Quidditch player. Unless you were Addy and broke half of your body in the middle of a match.

While worse things had occurred while Grey had been on assignment reporting, namely the explosion a few years back, he had never had an instance where it directly effected him. There had been a moment of wonder as the collision occurred, and even though he knew it was his sister that had been simultaneously bludgered and slammed into by the opposing beater, his brain immediately overcorrected him and told him it wasn't her. The subsequent whistle from the referee and mediwizards rushing to the crumpled pile of bodies below had felt surreal. He couldn't leave immediately because he had a job to do, but did hand his notes off to the first intern he could find following the end of the match and rushed off to St. Mungo's. If his superiors asked, he was just 'getting updated details'. This wasn't the same as when he'd used Claire's name to sneak into the hospital years earlier. He actually cared about Addy's well-being.

Since then, several matches had passed but Addy had remained benched. In his own experience, that wasn't uncommon mode such injuries, and especially for a reserve player. He had the day off of reporting the matches and decided to swing by her flat and see how she was doing. Disconnecting from Quidditch every once in a while was good for him, even though he had a feeling like they would be discussing it at length if she was home. With a takeaway bag dangling from one hand, Grey knocked on her door.

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[addilyn elara slater]

made it this far

so i can't stop running

January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

Habitually, Addy rotated her wrist slowly. It felt normal, didn’t make any funny noises or anything, but sports healers reminded her that exercise would ensure the healing process and bone regrowth was not in vain. And it was easy enough as Addy could browse her phone with her other hand. In the post-fall adrenaline rush, Addy had insisted she was fine despite clearly not being fine, and Grey’s pained expression told her the severity of it in the end while at the hospital. Naturally, her stay was a few days at most, but with matches to play, their captain made the call to use another reserve player. Plus, the healers diagnosed a concussion, which would put Addy on the bench for a month minimum.

When she heard a knock at the door, Addy slowly rose from the couch and went to the door. Standing as high as she could on her tiptoes, she peered through the peephole. Oh right, Grey said he might stop by. She opened the door, standing back to let her brother inside. ”Hi Grey.” Addy didn’t mean to sound so gloomy, but she’d gone from the top of the world back to the ground, and it felt worse than all those broken bones combined. Personally, she questioned the concussion diagnosis. It almost felt rubber-stamped simply because she fell from her broom at height. But Addy was hardly qualified to make that challenge.

Somewhere under all that, it also bothered Addy, her parents, who had yet to call or write. The match had made the paper due to the weather, length, number of fouls, and injuries—Addy’s included. Their father religiously read the Prophet’s sports section. It sort of hurt that this was ignored simply because of a job title. Not that Addy would admit it out loud, of course.

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[grey xavier slater]

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It was apparent from the second his sister opened the door that she wasn’t okay still. Physically, she was most likely back to the way she had been prior to the accident. Healing spells and potions had a special knack at fixing everything right back up to the way they had been before the injury. But he wasn’t going to lie that the mental aspect of being benched was what concerned him the most. He knew that already being a reserve player filling in a hole on the team was enough of a worry. And this on top of it was extra mental stress that she quite frankly didn’t need right now. There really wasn’t anything he could do aside from provide moral support though. Grey still believed that the amount of time she had put into the matches she had played so far was enough to give her an edge over the incoming class of rookies. Even if the Harpies didn’t take her for the next season, there would be other teams that would be more than happy to add a multi-positional player onto their squad. As more than just a reserve too.

”Brought food,” he said with a smile, holding up the bag to show her before stepping inside. Eating alleviated so much stress, especially greasy, fatty foods. If he was more active and athletic, it would be all he’d eat. Considering he spent the majority of his days either sitting in the stands at Quidditch pitches or in his dungeon of an office at the Prophet, he really couldn’t get away with that at all. He’d end up looking like an erumpent in no time.

”How’d practice go this morning?” Grey asked as he found the table and set the bag down on it. He knew all of the teams’ practice schedules, necessary information in case something drastic happened within the league and he needed to be somewhere instantly. The same with the entire season’s match schedule. ”And how’re you feeling?” he added as he turned back around to look at her. Probably shitty, considering how she currently looked.

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[addilyn elara slater]

made it this far

so i can't stop running

January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

Addy appreciated Grey’s attempt to cheer her up, she supposed it was what to expect from her brother—food. Then again, Cheese might have done the same thing in the past, along with letting her rant about how and why these specific rules and regulations were utter shit. Jack was tied up with his recording most days, and he did not owe Addy anything. And she would never admit what an emotional crutch he had turned into. Brígh wouldn’t be home for another few days as she gallivanted off to some part of the world for work.

”Thanks.” She responded flatly. Addy supposed she could eat, and it was probably a good idea. Despite everything, her disciplined mind kept her wary of eating, as if she was training every day like before. Part of her recovery was maintaining herself in tip-top shape should she get called from the bench again. ”It was fine, mostly watched after running some drills.” The only positive was Addy had played in scrimmages as a Chaser—which was her ideal position, but at this rate, she’d play whatever spot opened up.

To her brother’s follow-up question, Addy could only sigh heavily and drop herself to the couch. Uncharacteristically, she tucked herself into the corner, not caring about her posture. ”Physically—I’m fine. Healers say I’m fine, but they’re still limiting my flying time.” Post-concussion care was taken very seriously, as magic could only go so far in head injuries. She might as well have been a muggle dealing with their healers. As far as how she felt otherwise…she’d been better. ”You know…I thought Dad at least would’ve called. The match was in the paper.”

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[grey xavier slater]

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Yikes. It was that bad that she couldn’t even show emotion towards getting free takeaway? Grey had figured it would be rough not being able to play or practice but had never been in a situation himself where he was in a permanent rut. Aside from when he escaped the Auror training and dealing with all of the blowback that came with that. That was different though and being benched with no guarantee of play because of other players filling in the positions had to be hard to watch.

Addy went on to explain that she had done a few drills, and Grey nodded his head. ”That’s good then. I imagine they’re trying to make sure that you’re back in working order before really pushing you again,” he commented. Being all healed up was the most important part about it. He had read stories of Quidditch players having difficulty getting back on the broom after hard accidents, especially falls like Addy had. The nervousness combined with rehabilitation led to a nasty combo occasionally. Similarly, Muggle athletes often got the phenomena called the yips. While that wasn’t attributed to injury, their difficulty swinging golf clubs or baseball bats accurately could be observed with broom handling. From the sound of it though, it was more that the team was making sure Addy was in proper working order first. As they should.

What came from her next, though, made his jaw tighten. ”He hasn’t called?” Grey repeated, hearing his voice start to rise. That stupid fool. Who wouldn’t reach out to their own child after an accident? He sort of expected it for himself, but Addy? All because she had decided to get into Quidditch? Which was preposterous, because he loved the sport and it had always been one of the common grounds Grey had found with him. ”What about mum? And Claire?” he asked a little desperately. Merlin, maybe it was just going to be the two of them from now on…

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[addilyn elara slater]

made it this far

so i can't stop running

January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

Logically, it all made sense. Addy was an investment, even as a reserve player. Allowing her to fly too soon would not end well for anyone. However, it didn’t stop all the non-logical thoughts from flooding her brain and starting fires wherever they went. Doubt sat heavily on her shoulders, especially when it became clear who cared, so to speak, after her accident. ”Yeah.” She agreed with her brother. Through the fog, Addy could see he was trying. And she loved him dearly for that. By now, she could smell the food, and her stomach turned, reminding her that she needed to eat more than just a sandwich after practice.

Addy lifted herself from the couch, her body feeling three times its weight. She’d just pulled back a chair when Grey asked about their father. Noting the shift in his tone, Addy wondered if she should’ve said anything. Playing it off, Addy carelessly shrugged but couldn’t help but scoff. ”Are we talking about the same mum?” She asked, giving her brother a look. ”Claire was one of the first to see me.” She felt the need to defend her sister, not that anything Addy said was untrue. Scoffing, Addy pulled the bag toward her, beginning to unpack its contents carefully. ”Mum’s been trying to steer me away from Quidditch my entire life, you know that.”

It was true. Addy had grown an interest very young beginning with scanning through old editions of the Prophet sports section her father kept neatly in his office. Soon, whenever they’d visit Diagon Alley, she’d have Addy by the back of her cloak, dragging her away from Quality Quidditch Supplies display. Well, at least until a look was enough to put Addy back in her place. Retreating into the kitchen, Addy returned with plates and silverware for them. ”It's fine. Millie and the team check in on me and my friends.” It was overwhelming at times, actually.

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Health aside, it was sort of disturbing that there seemed to be an almost blackout on communication between Addy and their parents. They were apparently pretty serious about not backing her on the career change. It had almost been a year already too. All of that aside, he had always assumed that they would still show up if something horrible had happened. And it sort of did. She was safe and healthy now, of course, but to not say one thing the entire time? ”I…I guess I wrongly assumed,” he said, still shocked by the revelation that neither of their parents had put in the time to even check up on her. He one hundred percent expected that to be done towards him if he ever suddenly keeled over and almost died, but Addy? For Merlin’s sake…

Grey knew that Claire would show up though. He felt stupid for even asking, because she always did even when she made it seem like she didn’t. Despite everything, there were still moments where he felt like there was a glimmer of hope for her. Like she might finally break out of the stupor that had been placed over her growing up. He and Addy had, in their own time of course. While it probably looked like they were teaming up against her, they were simply trying to be practical. Grey didn’t want Addy’s injury to play a role in it, but he had secretly hoped that maybe it would finally make the rest of the family realize how they had been acting. If their parents weren’t bending, then at least Claire would notice and say something. But seeing as she was more stubborn than a hippogriff, he knew it wasn’t a realistic dream.

”Yeah, I know…” He rubbed at his face. The same things had been said to him while growing up when he started to show an interest in the sport as well. ’It’s purely a spectator sport.’ Was what she had said over and over again, especially when he had begged for a toy broom. It never made much sense to him, considering his father’s following of the league. Getting more than a grunt of approval out of him had always been difficult though. So when he gave up when he finally got to Hogwarts and realized that he did not like flying at all, they had been overjoyed. Seeing Addy be allowed to play had definitely hurt, but by then he had learned all about the little games his mum liked to play. Now, he really didn’t care what she thought.

Addy disappeared for a moment, having retrieved utensils and plates, and he started to pop open the different food containers. The aroma of various foods steamed up around him, making him instantly hungry. He’d discovered that he had an endless stomach for takeaway. Sometimes he went days with only eating from the same place. Those were the same days where he slept in his office, trying to get through his work. ”That’s a solid support system. Sounds like they’re ready for you to get back out there and join them,” he said as he pushed all of the food into the center of the table and gave it a once over to see what he wanted first. It was definitely more of a support system than he ever had following his banishment from the family.

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[addilyn elara slater]

made it this far

so i can't stop running

January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

Addy shrugged to play off the fact that their parents had not checked up on her. Internally, however, her gut twisted painfully, especially with Grey's response. This sort of pain and anxiety was not something she was accustomed to or at least not to this extent. But most of her life had been spent hiding emotions like this. She supposed knowing her older siblings were there gave her some comfort even if her parents felt right to act like she didn't exist. The most disappointing part was that her father had not reached out. While their father was mainly obedient to their mother, Addy still felt like they had communicated the most over the years. So it did hurt not hearing from him.

"Grey, its fine." Addy insisted before retrieving the cutlery and plates. While in the kitchen, Addy took the moment to herself to take a deep breath and settle her nerves. This was the risk she willingly took the previous year when deciding to quit the Ministry. Claire had warned her, and so had others, but she'd done it anyway. There wasn't room to mope around and lament her decision. What's done was done and now she had to live with whatever consequences came of it. Especially when it wasn't a surprise her mother detested the sport.

She placed a plate and silverware in front of her brother while he opened the containers. Addy observed all the takeaway boxes and while it smelled wonderful, the twisting in her gut had yet to completely let up. But Addy knew food was part of her recovery. Not eating meant she only put herself at risk for permanent placement on the bench or out of the league. "Yeah, we'll see. Millie stays in touch, but they've already pulled someone else to fill the spot since there were scheduled matches." Addy picked up a container and put some food on her plate while explaining. "Brigh, Eggy, and…Rafe have all dropped by." At least Addy never doubted her friends, not even her ex-boyfriend despite the awkward moments. These days, she wondered if Grey saw him more than she did. The past year had brought many changes, including how often she saw him.

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[grey xavier slater]

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Addy said it was fine, but it really wasn’t. He’d had issues with how his parents treated them for years, obviously. Everything was all fine when he fell in line. The second any sort off deviation happened, it was like first awakening an angry beast, before being battered down over and over. Eventually it led to the semi-excommunication, if it could even be called that, from the family. He weathered it because it was either he do that or end up miserable for the rest of his life. Like Claire. Grey was positive that she hated her job and all of the stressors that came with it. All one had to do was talk to her for five minutes (which was all that was really possible to begin with) and they could see how strung out she was from it. Throwing the mental warfare on top of it from their mother, and no wonder she felt it was easier to follow orders like the good soldier she was. Being an Auror was perfect for that sort of regimented life.

Grey didn’t push it any further though. The two of them didn’t really need to say anything about it, because they both knew it was messed up. The shock of it was still rattling around though, and it frustrated him. It was fine if it was all targeted towards him. That was something he had chosen to take on five years ago when he ‘defied their orders’ and joined the newspaper. But Addy didn’t deserve it too. Why wasn’t having Claire, the pinnacle of a well-behaved child and accomplished Auror, not good enough for them? It spoke to how little they really thought of her too, in his opinion. Having a professional Quidditch player in the family apparently meant nothing, which was insane. Most magical families would kill to have that notoriety.

As the table was basically set for the two of them and they started to portion out their plates, Addy continued about her team. Her captain had stayed in touch, which wasn’t really a surprise. His worry was for how long though. They already had a replacement in, which meant things would get dicey. A reserve for a reserve was definitely not unheard of, but fighting back for that position could be tough. He nodded his head as she also said her friends stopped by. What he wasn’t expecting was to hear Raphael McLaggen’s name. Not that he thought it was impossible for two people to remain friends after being together. Grey occasionally saw him around at work, though his basement office and records room was so far removed from the rest of the Daily Prophet workforce that it was rare.

Scooping a large portion of fried rice onto his plate, he stared between all of the main dishes he had picked up. So many decisions. He wasn’t beholden to one of them though, which was sort of nice for once. ”I know you like the Harpies,” he said as he reached for what looked to be a chicken dish. ”But if they don’t get you back out there soon, looking elsewhere might be a better move. A lot of teams look for reserves this time of year so that their starters can finally get a break before the finals.” Addy wouldn’t want to be a benchwarmer forever, he knew that. Switching teams before she even had a permanent allegiance was smarter in her situation.”Sorry. If you don’t want to talk work, that’s totally fine,” he added quickly.

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[addilyn elara slater]

made it this far

so i can't stop running

January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

Addy wondered how Grey had done this for all these years. Being on the receiving end of their parent's silent treatment wasn’t fun. She supposed what truly made it worse was they hadn’t said anything one way or the other and no sternly expressed disappointment with her choices or lectures on what this would mean for her life or their family. Simply, nothing. But, as she’d grown accustomed to doing, Addy shoved it all aside. Dwelling wasn’t going to change anything. And she wasn’t one to dwell unnecessarily. Her focus now was on recuperating fully and finding a way back to the starting line.

Grey didn’t dwell on the matter further, but she’d noted the shock in her older brother’s voice was genuine. So perhaps this was new territory for all of them. The only thing that would have made it all worse was if Claire had chosen not to speak to Addy anymore, but thankfully, that was not the case. Addy began to eat the food she’d put on her plate, taking her time with it despite the urge to simply push it around. She had to eat to regain her strength; the last thing she wanted was a chance to fly and then appear winded. Seeing Grey was energizing in a way, just like when all her friends from school had crowded the living room and done their best to make Addy laugh at some point. And apparently, it had taken breaking many bones to get Cheese to come out of the woodwork. It had been a long time since they’d spoken properly.

She paused when Grey mentioned the reality of Addy’s situation. As much as the fact frustrated her, he was right. With a heavy sigh, Addy nodded. ”I know.” Even the beater position wasn’t guaranteed, as Luna would likely return later in the season. That would have put Addy back on the bench as well. The team’s Chasers were veterans who weren’t prone to injury. ”And I want to be a Chaser again.” She added, eating while she gathered her thoughts. ”It’s fine—you want a butterbeer?” Addy offered before returning to the kitchen. She grabbed two bottles despite not waiting for Grey’s answer. Back in the dining room, she placed a bottle in front of him and sat down. ”Not knowing my next move is worse than being benched.” Addy admitted, easily twisting the cap off the bottle.

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Grey was going to suggest that she take whatever position she could get, but it wasn’t like Chaser spots never opened up. Dozens were beaten down every year by play. If anything, getting a spot as one on a new team after showing prowess as a Beater would be beneficial. It showed that Addy was tough as nails, only sidelined once a serious injury took her down. Any player that ended up like she had would have had the same exact deal with recovery. Grey knew no one currently playing that could have walked it off as if it were nothing.

She had left to get drinks, and he nodded his head. ”Thanks.” A real better would have done both of them better right about now. Especially after talking about their family. It was never going to change though. Had there been a chance, it would have happened years ago. Once Claire got her tiny taste of fame by ending Desirae Rousseau, it was game over for him and Addy. Their parents knew what ‘success’ looked like. Nothing against Claire in that situation. She was given a raw deal in all of it, being the one assigned to hunt the dark witch down and put an end to her by all means necessary. He understood that. Her attitude after the fact had changed from bratty, snob of an older sister to outright unbearable to be around though. And what had she done since? Nothing of note that he could see. The entire law enforcement department botched saving Hogwarts.

But somehow it was still better than writing about or playing Quidditch. He twisted the cap of the butterbeer placed in front of him with his thumb, causing it to spin off onto the table with a clatter. ”That’s where I was for a bit while waiting to hear back from the Daily Prophet on my internship,” he said as he took a long sip of the sugary drink. ”I didn’t want to show my hand to mum and dad by dropping out of the Auror training immediately, but also wanted to know what I was doing next too.” Their situations weren’t identical to one another, but he knew what it was like nonetheless. He took another drink. ”Luckily, you’ve already broken the hardest part, which is getting onto a team. And you did it arguably the most difficult way possible. Having the Harpies as your first team, even as a reserve, is nothing to laugh about. Other teams will be interested. I can guarantee that.”

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[addilyn elara slater]

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January 20, 2029
grey xavier slater

The few moments away from the table while retrieving the butterbeers was what Addy needed to take a deep breath and gather herself. Letting her mind wander too much and spiral about her current situation never ended well. And like hell Addy would admit to anyone how the awful feelings washed over her at random when she was alone. Whenever visitors were around it was far easier to find distraction and another topic to discuss. But with her brother and sister…it wasn’t so easy. Addy had seen the outrage in Grey’s eyes at the mention of their parents, no doubt he had many thoughts on their treatment of their youngest child.

Grey found the silver lining, as he tended to do with Addy. For that she was always grateful. Even Claire had her moments of optimism to offer Addy before diving right into the practical options. Addy was never one to focus on anything not bound by a plan or logic, at least until the previous year. ”Right.” Addy ate a bit more and focused on her butterbeer. Not even her favorite drink felt as satisfying at the moment. ”I can’t stop thinking about my last year of school.” Addy admitted. A lot had occurred that year, including Quidditch but she didn’t focus on those extra curriculars. ”All the scouts I dismissed to work at the Ministry and now I’m fighting for a spot on a bench.”

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While he didn't know what it felt like to willingly turn down pro Quidditch scouts for an awful government desk job, he did know what it was like to feel like he was getting started on his career late. The fact of the matter was that it shouldn't have mattered to begin with. Maybe that was a stupid way of rationalizing it, but no one at the Daily Prophet cared that he got hired six months later than the rest of the interns his age. If anything, that ended up helping him more because he didn't have as much 'competition' with the others. Having more time and eyes on him actually made his name known, instead of being Coffee Runner #3. Obviously, professional Quidditch was a completely different animal.

They both agreed that the way Addy entered the league was drastically different from the typical approach. Grey thought that was beneficial, in a way, but he could see how being caught in limbo like she currently was didn't come off as the greatest feeling in the world. Especially with only a few months left before the next crop of rookies appeared. They would become the new rage and any player not securely in a position would be worrying about their future. A substitute that had been injured was not the best spot to be in.

He really wasn't sure what to say at first. Because he understood where she was coming from. Taking a sip of his butterbeer, Grey leaned back in his chair and mulled over his thoughts. Did he need something inspiring? Or just the wisdom of an older brother? Telling her not to worry would only make her more concerned. "You still made it though," he said after a moment. "You beat the odds of going pro by doing it in one of the hardest ways possible. I can count on one hand how many times that's happened in the last five decades." She probably didn't care about stats though. While they were incredibly important for match predictions, figuring out what team owners and managers were going to do with a reserve player was difficult. "But this is better than being at the Ministry, right?"

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January 20, 2029
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Addy hesitated a moment before answering Grey’s question. Was it better than the Ministry? In the moment—no. The Ministry had provided a certain stability at the expense of fulfilling a repressed desire. But in the end, things never remained repressed for very long, did they? Addy thought of those children’s toys where something would burst out of the box after some time and scare a child. At any age, it was typical for the person to react at the shock of their actions or a toy appearing from a simple box.

”Yea…” All her NEWTs and OWLs would do nothing for her here. ”I didn’t hate the Ministry.” She responded. Her job had moments where it was rather enjoyable when the mindless drudgery of data entry turned into the challenge of a puzzle or solving a complex problem. ”I didn’t love it either.” Despite grieving the current situation, Addy knew that the desk job had been settling at best. She wondered how long she would allow herself to mope before picking herself back up. It was difficult to say, and normally, the grieving process was simply to move on. This time…well, it was different.

Losing the ability to play the one sport she loved was akin to breaking her heart all over again. ”I love playing for the Harpies, but I don’t imagine a Chaser spot will open up any time soon.” Maybe it was time to look at other teams. But which teams were as good as the Harpies? Addy would almost rather warm the bench for an entire season rather than work with a barely put-together team.

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