i owe you a love song | juniper

[rhys alexander greyback]

these broken days won't last forever

you know i'll put us back together

March 26, 2017
juniper minerva mcgonagall

After Rhys responded ”What?” For what felt like the hundredth time while sitting with Nell and Sarah, Nell finally told Rhys to deal with whatever bothered him because he was useless in helping her study. Since that fight, Juniper hadn’t said more than five words to Rhys that were not ”Pass the snake fangs’ during Potions class. And it wasn’t for a lack of trying, but Rhys might as well have been trying to melt a glacier with only his breath. Not to mention, when Rhys handed her an ingredient like fangs or slugs, he felt the distinct possibility that she might throw them back in his face and call it an accident.

The iciness radiated from her, causing questions from a few friends, but Rhys refused to discuss it. At first he was hurt and very confused, moping around the weekend until the middle of the week. And then, true to form, his temper began to get the best of him. As they refused to bend first, Rhys started his routine of rebuilding that wall and resuming his guard. Two could play this game. He would power through with sheer force of will and available distraction. Needless to say, his dormmates were not surprised to see a familiar face enter their space in the late hours.

But, for whatever reason, Rhys continued to feel the weight of everything. It hadn’t disappeared as he’d expected, and if anything, he only thought of Juniper more and more. He missed her, and it hurt. Was she just trying to torture him before she finally dumped him? Would Rhys have to crawl back to Nell for his old Potions partner? She seemed settled with a new partner, but that wasn’t Sarah. Either way, he wanted to know her plan to make his move first. Enough was enough, and Rhys was tired of thinking about someone who had refused to look at him.

The weekend was nearly ending. The dungeons were cold, and rain poured outside. Rhys didn’t mind as he left his common room for the library. It made it all the easier that Rhys knew her routine for the most part, plus students preferred their common rooms to the library on a good day, let alone on such a cold day. The Librarian was almost dozing off at her desk. Rhys walked quickly but as softly as he could through the extensive maze of shelves to the corner where he and Juni usually studied. And with every step, Rhys’s jaw clenched harder with anticipation. His anger was creeping to the forefront as some initial line of defense.

And as he expected, she was there writing away quickly and looking down. Her nose just about touched the fresh ink on the parchment. Rhys didn’t want her to leave, so quickly, he took the seat across from her and leaned forward. ”We need to talk.” Rhys declared in a low but serious tone. Perhaps the iciness of his own stare would melt her own if he was lucky, but he wasn’t here to small talk.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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The past week had sucked. Juniper had done her best to make it known that she wasn’t happy in the slightest about not receiving a proper response from Rhys on why he was acting the way he was. The other issue was that they still had classes together, and in Potions they were partners. She kept all of her interactions with him brief and by the book. No emotions, no prodding, nothing. Technically, they were fighting. Except that there wasn’t much fighting at all. She felt like this was possibly the most immature way to go about it too. All Rhys had to do was explain his thought process and what was going on and she would be ready to forgive him. Maybe. In the meantime, Juniper wasn’t saying a word. Nell had even begged her at one point to talk to him again because apparently, he was in a shite mood the last few days. She refused. Juniper could ice him for as long as he was willing to allow her to. If that tanked the relationship, then it probably wasn’t even worth it to begin with.

Even thinking about it that way had caused a few breakdowns throughout the week. She didn’t want things to be like this, but she also didn’t know what to do. There was nothing she could actively say to him right now to get him to fess up what the problem was. And waiting was an emotional drain. She felt like if she did give in and go back to normal, then he’d feel emboldened to never talk to her about what he was thinking. That wasn’t healthy. Neither was any of the way the two of them were going about this, but it was what it was at this point.

Today was Sunday, and it had been a few days since she had last seen Rhys. After spending the entire day hiding away in the back corner of the library, their corner, she was exhausted. She’d been writing nonstop for hours, a paper on the possibility of transfiguring oneself into an inanimate object and then back again, and how repeat attempts could permanently leave the caster with spliced parts of said object. It was merely a theory right now, and she wasn’t willing to test it on herself. That was too dangerous in her opinion.

The worst part about it was that she had to completely re-write a page after accidentally finding herself crying on it. Everything had been fine all day until that point, as she thought the essay would distract her. She had been wrong. So now she was transposing the entire page again, nose practically on the new page. The splotched one sat next to her. There was an occasional wet sniffle, but thankfully no more tears.

She nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard the chair next to her shift and looked up to see Rhys sitting there. ”Talk away then,” she involuntarily responded, blinking her puffy eyes at him. If they were going to do this, they may as well get it done and over with. She only had a few sheets of parchment left and didn’t want to ruin those too.

rhys alexander greyback ● 537

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

these broken days won't last forever

you know i'll put us back together

March 26, 2017
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Her eyes…she’d been crying. Rhys almost lost his nerve, unable to respond for a moment. He supposed his prediction came true. He’d only hurt her. Maybe Juniper would really leave him now. The idea made him want to run, but his body wouldn’t move. The anger lingered, but without anywhere to go, he now began to feel a little frazzled again. Why was she crying when she was the one ghosting him? And for what? Not sharing his thoughts at the exact moment that she demanded? And after charging through the doors of a common room that wasn’t hers?


”I—erm—I can’t keep doing this.” Rhys began. Just as he’d said before, she had no idea—not a bloody clue. She’d gotten his hopes up, only for them to fall back down—the other shoe to drop like when he was a kid, wondering why the other kids never stayed as long in the home as he did. With Juniper, Rhys felt something he’d never felt before. ”I don’t understand Juni. One minute, you’re hounding me in my dorm, and then you barely acknowledge my existence.” Rhys looked away. There was this anger that sat in his gut. But he was also angry at himself for letting his guard down.

All he’d wanted was a little time to think. Apparently, that was too much to ask. And this experience only confirmed how deep he’d fallen and not even known it. What she had done to him by getting behind his guard. ”You don’t get it…you can’t do that.” Rhys wanted to remain calm to not risk a scolding from the Librarian, but without anger, all he had was anxiety, and then he’d really be a mess. She made him feel all these things, and she didn’t even know it.

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There it was. He finally said it. Juniper gripped the table tightly because she was worried she would accidentally knock over her ink well and ruin all of her work again. She could feel her mouth become small, fighting back the rising urge to cry again. It was welling up somewhere under her eyes yet refusing to spill over. The library wasn’t the place for an all-out bawl. She could get away with the silent sobbing she’d had earlier, but not this. This felt like it was going to be the worst of what had happened so far.

And his tone too. It was so accusatory. That only made it worse. Sure, she had stormed into his dorm and started arguing with him. But he was the one that started all of this! If he had managed to use his words like a normal person, he would have told her what was eating away at him. Then maybe he could have called it quits a week ago instead of today. Not that it really mattered what the day of the week was. If Rhys had mentally checked out last week, then that could be the date it ended. She really didn’t care.

She had clammed up though, unable to answer for her actions. He wasn’t wrong. She had done all of that. And then he continued by saying she wasn’t supposed to do that. That sounded way more personal and deeper than any of it actually meant. Rhys had every right to be upset at her for how she had treated him for the past week. In her mind though, it was sort of like retribution for how he kept leaving when they were in the middle of things, or seemingly blowing her off for the last few weeks. ”I-I’m sorry,” she sputtered out, confused by the sudden change. ”I j-just thought…I-I know it wasn’t right of me to do that.” It didn’t really matter what she thought, she was in the wrong for that at least.

Looking away from Rhys, she felt the first tear start to find its way out. She suddenly felt the need to pack up and leave. Ungraciously collecting her papers into a pile, she also carefully locked her ink well up, lest it wreak havoc on everything. ”S-So this is it?” she asked as she continued to push her things around the table haphazardly. Now there was a stream running down her other cheek. Excellent. This was going to be the shittiest walk through the library ever.

rhys alexander greyback ● 423

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

these broken days won't last forever

you know i'll put us back together

March 26, 2017
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Old memories began to surface for Rhys, which was very inconvenient considering he was trying to focus. And Juni spoke and started to pack up. Confusion flooded through him, followed by a massive wave of panic. Why was she leaving? ”N-No.” Rhys stammered out, frustrated that everything that kept happening made no sense. And now he just looked like the bad guy as well, when he hadn’t even started anything. ”Juni—I’m trying to talk to you.” This was the most they had spoken in nearly a fortnight, but it was all turning into a mess.

”Isn’t that what you wanted?” Rhys was standing at this point, resisting the urge to grab her things and throw them to the side to not distract either of them. And then he noticed the tear streaming down her face. What in Merlin’s name was going on? Juniper’s question floated through his mind once more. And finally it clicked. Rhys let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. ”I’m not breaking up with you.” He kept his voice calm but just as serious as when he first walked in. It still made no sense how wanting a little bit of time to think turned into such a severe reaction.

Rhys hoped he had her attention now, but where to begin? Figuring out this internal puzzle felt like finding where the pasta began in a bowl of spaghetti. ”I told you to trust me, didn’t I?” Instead, she’d just pushed him out. Then there was that feeling again but with the worst timing. The one that told him to get some space, but Rhys only took a few steps away from the table. Crossing his arms, he turned again, heavily sighing. Now, he was just incredibly frustrated. What was he supposed to do here?

”I’ve never…” Rhys paused, heart beating fast from a mixture of things. ”I don’t…I’ve never felt this way before.” He finally managed to get out. It was the truth, hence the extreme challenge of deciphering the what and why. ”About anyone, and…” All he could do was repeat what he said initially. ”Juni—you can’t ignore me like that…just don’t…” All that frustration just felt like pain. Even his stomach hurt a little. She had no clue what he was feeling. And Rhys couldn’t think of a good reason why her actions hurt so much except that there was a strong connection here. Expressing that, however, was a new challenge.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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She really couldn’t hear him over the sound of her thoughts repeating ’it’s done. It’s over.’ How could she be so stupid? She should have just acted like everything was fine and he would have come back around and explained what was going on in time. Instead, she had to push it and then dole out her own punishment on him. Managing to put the ink well and quill away safely in her bag, she was halfway through rolling up her completed scrolls while Rhys continued to talk. About how he was finally doing so, since that was what she wanted. Wasn’t it a little late for that? He’d already ended things. There wasn’t anything to talk about at this point. He didn’t have to rub it in even more.

And then she stopped. Rhys had stood up from his seat as well in the interim and was now saying that he wasn’t breaking up with her. What? She turned to look at him again, and if she looked anything close to how she felt, it couldn’t have been pretty. The whirlwind of confusion was whipping up once again, because now she really wasn’t understanding what was going on. He was still repeating the same lines again and again, about how she needed to trust him and that she can’t ignore him. Then why hadn’t he said something in the first place! If she hadn’t been on the verge of turning into a waterfall (or in the library), she felt like she could have screamed at him to use his words. That wouldn’t have made any of this better, but at least some of her frustration would have been gone. She didn’t even feel happy that their relationship was still intact because she was so unbelievably mixed-up still.

”I’m sorry…I-I really don’t understand what’s going on right now,” she blurted out her confusion. A fresh line of tears had started to pour when she blinked. ”Y-You’re saying one thing, about how y-you need to think and that you’ll talk to me, b-b-but then you’re also talking about how I’m not supposed to ignore you...and-and I admit that wasn’t right of me but…I don’t know what you want, Rhys?” It was probably a good thing that they were in a long-forgotten corner of the library, away from all other signs of life. Because Juniper had lost all awareness of her surroundings and had no idea if she was loud or not right now. She certainly felt like she had, considering her breath had started to catch every couple of words. ”All I-I wanted to know was why y-you were being so distant and avoiding me…”

rhys alexander greyback ● 444

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

these broken days won't last forever

you know i'll put us back together

March 26, 2017
juniper minerva mcgonagall

Rhys would have traded anything, a limb, or anything else he excelled at to find a way to be better with his words. She didn’t get it, and Rhys was hardly about to spill everything as to why she couldn’t do certain things to him like that. Not that his brain would have let him, even as his frustration didn’t waver. People never understood, so why couldn’t they? When Rhys had shared all those details of himself with Sarah, she understood. When he had begun to share bits and pieces with Nell, she nodded and listened. Why couldn’t Juniper understand?

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Rhys steadied himself. Honestly? Frustration made him  want to throw something, maybe the chair, but then the Librarian would have him with a month’s worth of detention over the incident with Merlin knew how many house deducted. ”What do I want?” Rhys repeated, wasn’t it clear somehow? ”You.” The response probably came out a little more exasperated and forceful than he intended, but finally, he turned to look at Juniper. Her face displayed the evidence of her pain, which he hated to see.

”I want you.” Rhys repeated again, flustered by everything and her, and that he had gone from zero to one hundred so quickly. His thoughts remained scrambled in his mind, but the level of clarity from his agitation felt familiar. Rhys was often in trouble because of his temper, and why? Because he didn’t think, he just acted. The aggravation from feeling hurt and misunderstood had compounded since she stormed into his dorm room. ”I have never felt this way about anyone and couldn’t figure it out until you wouldn’t talk to me.” Rhys was a little reluctant to admit he’d been pining for her, but he supposed that’s when it began to click.

Taking a few steps forward, Rhys just kept going. His chest rose and fell as he blurted out what had been on the tip of his tongue for weeks. ”I care about you, Juniper." 'And it scares me.' Rhys thought to himself. He wanted to tell her he cared, but the rest made more sense now. Everything like this in Rhys’ life came with so much fear. Rhys was still a little worked up. But who knew falling this hard for someone could also be so exhausting and terrifying? He knew what this meant, what the fear meant. That little four-letter word he was sure he’d never told someone before. 

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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Was stunned the right word for how she was right now? Because it certainly felt like she'd been hit with a Stupefy spell. And then recovered briefly before getting hit with another one. Even her tears had momentarily paused as Juniper stared at him. She was positive she was hearing him correctly, but the words weren't translating the way she thought they were supposed to. Especially not after the last week that they'd had. She had thought she'd just nuked her entire relationship, and beyond that, really her only friend, and now Rhys was saying that everything was fine and that he was confirming he liked her. Hadn't that been obvious with all of the time they'd spent together? Juniper at least thought it had been. Merlin, he had even kissed her the night over break when she'd asked him out! How was that not confirmation that he liked her already?

Needless to say, her confusion towards Rhys's interpretation of caring about her (or when he started to) was growing, while her worries about everything else started to dwindle away. It seemed like this was all a huge misunderstanding perpetuated by her own insecurities of having a failed relationship. Clearly, her communication skills needed to be worked on.

The worst part was that she sort of understood how Rhys felt. How it was difficult to explain feelings and emotions, especially ones that were as charged as these. It had taken her close to two months of wondering and wavering on whether or not to ask him out. She had no prior experience and had no one to turn to and ask whether her worries were normal or not. Being able to express her thoughts had taken a lot of willpower, mostly helped by creating a situation where it was just the two of them, but she had still been a nervous wreck leading up to that day. She'd never considered that just because she had overcome all of that, that Rhys hadn't reached that point at the same time as her.

Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him, burying her face into his sweater. Her body had moved before she could really challenge it, and it felt like it was the right thing to do at the moment.

rhys alexander greyback ● 383

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

these broken days won't last forever

you know i'll put us back together

March 26, 2017
juniper minerva mcgonagall

While Rhys was glad the words made it out into the open, he hated how it had to happen. The agitation hadn’t left him, nor did the urge to go or throw something. This was something he’d struggled with since he was a child and more so after the nightmares began. And Juniper didn’t say anything, which made it worse in his mind. Was she deciding if he was crazy or maybe not worth the trouble because he couldn’t answer her questions when she wanted? If Juniper had chosen to walk away, that would have been her prerogative, but it would have hurt him profoundly, considering how much Rhys had opened up to get to this point.

Hindsight was cruel in that way. Somewhere over time, she began opening doors Rhys thought locked away forever. Turning back to September, he would have just returned to his little life if she had not spoken to him again. For his own benefit, Rhys looked down, letting his thoughts pull him away from the moment as they spiraled into endless scenarios. And then he felt arms around him. Broken out of his thoughts, Rhys looked down and saw Juniper. Those big frames dug a bit into his chest, but he didn’t mind.

Rhys let his arms envelop Juniper and exhaled deeply. Somewhere, he had started holding his breath. Now, he just felt relief. ”I’m sorry…” Rhys mumbled while letting his face rest atop her head. The past week and change was a miserable time for both. All that remained of his anger and frustration was guilt. Seeing her cry hurt, knowing it was his fault. And Rhys didn’t like to be angry, contrary to what others may have thought. But getting cast aside as he had triggered something within him. Rhys didn’t know it was there, probably because he’d never let anyone do that to him before. Reluctantly, Rhys pulled back enough to see her face. ”Are we okay?” Actions were said to speak louder than words, but Rhys needed to hear it.

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[juniper minerva mcgonagall]

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The sudden warmth felt so unnatural after the hell of the past week. It was such a stupid thing to get worked up over and overreact to, but she had done it nonetheless. This reminded her that having rose-colored glasses on wasn't realistic at all. She could hold the two of them on a pedestal against all others, and maybe have a point that they were a more logically thinking couple. But they were still prone to mistakes. She was still able to make them despite thinking she was impervious.

The self-reflection honestly hurt more than anything else, and the fact that she had willingly inflicted pain on Rhys through her actions. It wasn't like it had been before they were dating, where she didn't see it as wrong to be a little
bossy and aggressive. She had to think about the bigger picture because they were invested in one another. Being an asshole because she didn't get the response she wanted wasn't going to fly anymore. Not to mention she had been relatively mean to Nell as well. Juniper owed her an apology too. Everything she had done was self-centered and immature, even if she didn't know any better at the time. Now she did. Her actions did have consequences, and thankfully it worked out this time.

Listening to Rhys breath told her that things were starting to even out. He apologized as well, and she felt a small bubble of sadness creep into her again. Sniffling, she squeezed harder when he asked if they were okay now. "Y-Yeah," Juniper answered, sounding wet and snotty. Hopefully she didn't spread it all over his front. At least then they'd have something to laugh about. "I promise I won't blind-side you like that again," she added.

rhys alexander greyback ● 300

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[rhys alexander greyback]

these broken days won't last forever

you know i'll put us back together

March 26, 2017
juniper minerva mcgonagall

The more Juni burrowed into his chest. The calmer Rhys began to feel from his previous agitation. The anxiety was ever present, however, but there wasn’t much to be done for that right now. A mix of relief and fear washed over him. Relief that they were okay, but fear of the world of hurt Rhys had almost ended up in. In all his years, Rhys would always spot girls huddling in the common room, whispering around a crying girl and sending daggers at whatever boy was the cause. Boys usually reacted in various ways, but the pain always brought a reaction.

She had brought up a good point before, however. And Rhys realized this feeling he’d carried all week of existing on the outskirts—he’d put Juniper through that for weeks. It wasn’t exactly the same in his mind, but similar, nonetheless. He could only nod softly to her statement. There was so much she had to understand about him, and Rhys didn’t know how or where to begin. It was frightening. He planted a soft kiss on her forehead before bringing her close again. ”Just be patient with me, please.” Rhys mumbled. This love thing was brand new territory.

[ end rhys ]

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