Break The Silence [Addilyn]

[grey xavier slater]

I’m not sure where to start. I think the obvious is to say I’m sorry, Addi. Sorry for ignoring you, and not telling you what had happened following my talk with Theodosia. Sorry that I lied to you about never going back to the way I was before.

First I need to tell you why all of this happened. When I finally cornered Theodosia, I lost. She wiggled her way out of my grasp and turned the tables on me before I even knew it was happening. Because of that, I felt like I had to take her deal. I talked to Edmund the other day, and he told me what happened before you punched me. Half of what he told you was true, the other half, not so much. I did strike a deal with Theodosia. If I didn’t talk to you, write to you, anything, she would stop going after you, and the same went for her. I knew she would eventually lie to Edmund about it and twist it in a way to make it seem like I was only protecting myself, but it had nothing to do with that.

With this letter, I’m breaking the deal with Theodosia. I don’t care about that anymore though. What I thought was protecting you ended up causing more harm, and I can’t tell you how much I regret that now. If she figures it out, which there’s no doubt she will, Edmund and I are going to do our damn best to stop her from hurting you again. You can count on that.

I won’t be surprised if I don’t see a response from you, because I what I’ve done is inexcusable. The only thing I can say is that you need to trust me on this one. I screwed up and I can’t even start to tell you how sorry I am about that.

@jill2

[Deleted]

Blood Relative,

Why should I trust you? You haven't done anything that makes you great here, or that gives me a reason to forgive you. I don't care what you've told Edmund, or what you are going to 'do' about that girl.

I really thought you had changed, Grey. I thought...I thought I was going to finally have the brother I always wanted. I was wrong. I was wrong about it all. And I doubt you care. Because that's who you are. You only care about yourself. I was childish to think that would ever change.

Do whatever you want, I don't care anymore. Fail, don't sleep, be lonely. It's not my problem anymore, Grey.

From,

grey xavier slater

[grey xavier slater]

I thought I had changed too. You’re right, that’s who I am, and that’s who I’ve been for the last seven years. Old habits die hard I guess. In my mind, making that deal was the only option I had in order to protect you from Theodosia. I’m not as smart as I thought I was, apparently. I realize that now even though it’s too late. Maybe it was silly to ever think you’d trust me again after I pulled that, making a complete 180 in the span of three days. Was the deal selfish? I’m not sure. At the end of the day, it was all for your safety, and I was willing to let you hate me for the rest of my life as long as it was the end of Theodosia torturing you.

Whatever you do, don’t push Edmund away. Because he’s the only one that can truly care about you. He’s the only one that hasn’t given up, like I guess I have in your eyes. I know I’m a toxic person, but Edmund only wishes the best for you, and starving yourself, not sleeping, and smoking isn’t the way to get back at me, or anyone for that matter. It’s hurting both you and him in more ways than you might realize.

While you seem to have given up on me Addilyn, I haven’t given up on you, and it was never my intention to do that in the first place. Asking for a second chance at this point seems futile, but I’m always here, no matter what.

@jill2

[Deleted]

Blood Relative,

Do you really think that is what I wanted? Seriously Grey? You really don't know who I am. I'm truly disappointed in you. I never told you to make a deal, I didn't even want you to talk to her. I would rather be drowned every day than not have you in my life...

...he's...he's the only one that can truly care about me? So what you're saying is you don't care about me? No one cares about me but Edmund? That's wonderful, Grey, truly wonderful. Don't be so self centered, I'm not doing anything to get back at anyone, especially you of all people, nor will I be listening to anything you say, ever again.

You have given up on me, Grey. You've completely given up. All you've ever been here for is to hurt me...I hope you're happy with yourself.

From,

grey xavier slater
OOC: Pretend Grey see's teardrops on the letter xD
Brother by Needtobreathe & Gavin DeGraw

[grey xavier slater]

All I wanted to do was protect you Addi. Even when I try to do the right things, I only make it worse. You deserve someone better than me, that’s what I meant about Edmund being the only one who can care about you. I’m not equipped for it no matter how hard I try. Do you know how that makes me feel? Like a failure. Like everything mum and dad have always said is true. I worked harder on my grades, they got better. I worked harder to be a part of yours and Claire’s lives, and while it started to get better, I only ended up messing it up again. I’m not a good person to be around.

I wanted to fix this, but I’ve only made it even worse now. I’m sorry I disappointed you.

@jill2

[Deleted]

Blood Relative,

Well maybe if you actually took the time to think about what you were doing, you wouldn't be hurting me. After just promising me that you wouldn't act the same...you go ahead and do it all over again. Do you even know how much you've hurt me? I don't even know if I can explain it...I feel numb, Grey.

I DO deserve someone better than you, I do. I deserve a good brother, someone who actually cares about me. Someone who actually loves me. But for some reason, I can't get what I want. I can't...I can't get you...

So you're giving up? Great. I don't know if I even wanted you to fix this anyways. I'll probably just get hurt again...like you always do.

From,

grey xavier slater
Brother by Needtobreathe & Gavin DeGraw

[grey xavier slater]

I want to fix it, to work out our differences and go back to being normal siblings, but you said it yourself, you don’t know if you want that to happen. After what’s happened how can I possibly guarantee you that it won’t happen again? I already feel terrible for lying to you once about it Addi, doing it a second, third, or fourth time down the road is not right. That’s not how I want either of us to live. The only way to stop that from repeating again is by removing the problem all together, and that problem is me. I’m not proud of thinking of that decision and it’s the last thing I’d ever want to do to you, but I think it’s the only choice.

I’ve come to grips with my flaws and acknowledged what they’ve done. But I can’t fix something that you don’t want repaired. If that’s the case, maybe it’s better off that it stays broken, so it doesn’t keep breaking over and over again. I know you can’t handle that, and I can’t either. If you really don’t want me in your life anymore, then I understand that and I’ll remove myself from it even though it’ll hurt like hell. I’ll respect whatever your decision ends up being.

@jill2

[Deleted]

Blood Relative,

You can guarantee it by being a normal goddamned human being and saying so, Grey! It's not this hard! If it's this hard for you...then fine. Maybe we shouldn't fix it. Maybe we should just...forget about each other. Pretend to be friendly at home. Not talk. That seems like it's what you want.

Do what you want, Grey. You've lived without me before. It shouldn't be that hard to do it again.

From,

grey xavier slater
Brother by Needtobreathe & Gavin DeGraw

[grey xavier slater]

Sorry.

@jill2