my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie it (Hannah)

[Deleted]

Today was the second time.

She had gone with the rest of the school for the October Hogsmede trip, but she didn't stay with the others. With the help of her brother and some other fancy tricks, she found Desirae Rousseau, Bay's sister who had almost killed her. Andy had made her pay for that, but she had some nasty stuff come back to her in the process. When she had attacked Nik last month, he almost seemed pleased that she was hurting him. She knew he wanted this side of her to come out and... well, she was letting it. Not for him, not because she was 'giving in', but because she was tired of being the victim. At least that's what she told herself.

She came back to the school a little later than everyone else from Hogsmede, but not enough to draw too much attention. She kept to herself, which was pretty normal for her, and so no one really bothered her. Her friends were already back at the school by now. She had brought a jacket with her, which was good because she could pull the sleeves all the way down over her hands, so no one could see. She also had the hood up, but if you looked close enough you could see a budding black eye and blood on her forehead.

It was late, almost ten pm, and she hoped the hospital wing was empty. She peered in and saw maybe one bed filled, but the person seemed to be asleep. The nurses must have been in their offices because she couldn't see them. Good.

She slipped in, letting the door hang open just a tad behind her and crossed to the sink near the back. She pulled her hood down and rolled her sleeves up, breathing in sharply as she assessed the damage. Her hands and arms were embedded with hundreds of tiny shards of glass. Lucky, the glass was holding most of the blood in, but the inside of her jacket would be stained. She didn't know what her head and face looked like, but it didn't feel good. She carefully took her bag off her shoulder and set it on the ground. Then, she slowly took off the jacket and dropped it as well. She started to get to work on her wounds, carefully, as Hannah had taught her, but some of it was too advanced. Some of the glass had gotten to bone and she started to get frustrated. How could she possibly ask anyone for help!? She would have to explain... what, that she got in a fight? She was so calm and collected only moments ago, still in her stupor, but now it all started coming back. She started to shake until her legs finally gave out and she landed on the floor beside her bag. She reached for it, putting her hand inside, searching for her wand. She squeaked as her finger pricked on something, like a tiny needle. She wrapped her hand around it and pulled it out... and that's when the waterworks really started.

It was a rose with a note attached to it:

'Sun, moon, and stars, my love
these things shine from up above.
But from the ground beneath, below
this Rose, between our feet, did grow
Everlasting, is in her name
like my love for you... it's all the same.'

She choked, crumpling the note in her hand. That hand shook violently, while the one holding the rose just fell limpy to the ground beside her. She leaned against the wall, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back.

After a moment she heard someone coming toward her. She didn't move. She didn't care who it was. She didn't care that they'd find her there, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, with bloody hands and arms and face, holding a rose and a crumpled up piece of paper.

@jill11
@philiplongbottom (so you can see :>)
everlasting rose

[Deleted]

@lestrange
So Small by Carrie Underwood
OOC: THIS SONG
<3

Hannah had just finished cleaning up the rest of the Hospital Wing. It was her turn to do the night shift as they had a student sleeping in the wing and they couldn't leave them alone. So she stayed in the back of the wing in the office for a little while longer, organizing paperwork and other things. That's when she heard a noise. Her body immediately turned around and she grabbed her wand and shoved it into her robe pocket. Hopefully it was just the student needing something.

As she walked down the small hallway they had and peeked out, she saw a body, crumpled on the floor and she took in a sharp breath as it scared her for a moment. But as she got closer, Hannah felt her heart slowly break. It was Andy. Sobbing. Her face immediately became concerned and soft, and she quietly walked towards her. Hannah's eyes noticed the note in one hand, and the rose in the other. She wasn't going to ask about them, not unless Andy felt the need to tell her.

The sight of the blood on her made Hannah shut her eyes for a moment. Hannah knew she was in pain. Not saying a word, Hannah took out her wand. Kneeling in front of Andy, she smiled softly to let her know she wasn't angry. Hannah quietly began speaking different spells, taking each shard of glass out of her skin. The glass that was a bit deeper would hurt more, and Hannah flinched slightly every time she knew it would hurt. Seeing this on Andy, wanting to know why this happened, began to make her tear up as she continued. Once all of the glass had been removed, and the blood was cleaned up, Hannah quickly made her way to the cabinets for a calming potion, and a pain draught.

Hannah sat down next to Andy and held out the two bottles. "Drink them, Andromeda." Her eyes were gentle, but her voice stern. She wasn't sure if Andy was going to try to protest, but Hannah would not allow her to. She lifted a hand up, wiping away a few tears.

[Deleted]

It was Hannah.

Just was just her luck, her own mother figure being the one to find her out here. What was she going to say? The colors on the stained glass window pieces in her arm suddenly seemed even more vibrant as Andy silently watched as Hannah took them out of her arms. She didn't look up into her face, she couldn't. She kept crying, silently, as Hannah got to work. Andy found the sound of her voice comforting as she muttered the spells and the touch of her hands soothing. This only caused her to weep more, unable to control herself in this vulnerable situation.

Eventually Hannah moved away from her to the cabinet and brought some potions back, sitting beside Andy on the floor. Andy still didn't look at her face, looking down at the potions in her hands. Andy shook her head, but even as she did so her hands were reaching up to take the vials. Her hands shook as she tried to unstopper one and she cried harder, finally looking up into Hannahs face. "I can't get it open," she said flatly.

Those eyes and the sight of tears coming out of them caused Andy's heart to crack into a million tiny pieces, figuratively speaking. Hannah was the person she trusted most in this world after Phil, and she would have to sit here and lie to her. She hated herself. She hated this. And what she hated most of all was that she knew she should just tell the truth.

"Do you cry over all your students?" she said this in a lighthearted tone, as if trying to make a joke, but really there was an apologetic air embedded deep into her words. She bit hard on her lip, her eyes shaking again as more tears came. She let out a sob and looked down at the flower that had been set off to the side. "Phil sent me a rose, mum. A rose..." she hadn't realized what she'd just called Hannah, or that it was the first time she'd ever said that.

@jill11

[Deleted]

@lestrange
<3

Hannah knew Andy was crying more. But right now she was concerned with getting her cleaned up and looking decent again. She'd have to stay the night in the hospital so Hannah could monitor her, but she was sure she'd be fine. Physically, anyways. Mentally and emotionally...she wasn't so sure. Whatever had happened must've been traumatic. Whether or not Andy would tell her of it...she wasn't sure. Hannah would push it as far as she could. She was her guardian now, and if Andy wanted to be helped and protected she would have to tell her and Neville. That's the only way she would be safe.

Even through Andy shook her head in refusal, her shaky hands took the bottles in attempt to open them. When she spoke to say she couldn't open them, Hannah was shocked at how calm her voice sounded. There was no real emotion to it, but her voice didn't crack, it didn't sound like she was crying. Granted, they were only a few simple words. But Hannah imagined she would be more distraught. Nodding curtly, Hannah grabbed the vials back and opened one at a time, handing each to Andy to drink. Once she finished them, Hannah got up and got rid of them, marking down that they were now two vials out of those particular potions.

With a deep breath, she walked back over to Andromeda. Hannah's eyes were filled with concern even though she had a feelin that Andy was not going to share everything with her. At her comment on her crying, Hannah smiled and shook her head. She sat back down next to Andy, her legs criss crossed and she set her hands on her knees. "Fortunately, I do not cry over all of my students, Andy. However, you're not just a student. You're my daughter." Hannah had considered Andy her daughter from the moment she stepped into the Longbottom household, but she knew Andy had been warming up to her for a while and-

Mum? Hannah's eyes widened and she looked down at the rose on the floor and then back to Andy. She just called her mum. The poor girl was sobbing, and Hannah scooted closer, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into her chest. Hannah's own tears appeared and fell silently down her cheeks. "Oh, Andy that's nothing to be sad about. I know you miss him, we all do. He's a romantic, you've got to love him for it."

[Deleted]

Andy stayed silent as Hannah helped her with the bottles, drinking the potions without making more sound then necessary. A part of her wanted to not speak ever again, for she was afraid that the words would just come out in a horrible scream.

What was wrong with her? She felt like she had blacked out and woken up with memories of the things she had done. She didn't' feel like she had actually done those things. The images swam in her mind even now. Shoving her fingers into Niks wounds and the feeling of his blood and the sound of his pain. Carving the name Braelynn into Desiraes arm after she had knocked her unconscious. Deciding whether or not to kill both of them. She felt like she was watching someone else. Someone she didn't recognize...

Hannah answering her question snapped her back, for now, but she was still afraid to close her eyes. To even blink. However, you're not just a student. You're my daughter." Andy sat still, shaking as those words sunk in. The one person who was proud to call her daughter and Andy was letting her down. Betraying her. Going against everything she stood for. She let out another sob, her hands clenching.

Andy watched as Hannahs eyes widened and she looked down at the rose, then back to her. Andy kept her eyes on Hannahs face until she was being wrapped in her arms. Andy just leaned into it, but didn't make any attempt to embrace her back. She continued to cry until horrible sounds were coming out of her. Vocal sobs, choking and blubbering. Anything you could think someone would do while sobbing when their heart was breaking. "I do love him! I love him more than anything," the words were jumbled as she sobbed through them. She tried to lift her arms only to drop them at her sides again. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve Hannahs love, her embrace or her help.

After a few more heart wrenching sobs, Andy suddenly went silent. It was like someone had flipped an off switch. She went limp, even though she was fully conscious. Her eyes stared straight ahead at nothing. She wanted to stop feeling, so she made herself.

@jill11

[Deleted]

@lestrange
To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra
<3

Hannah was glad to see Andromeda drink the potions. It meant she was willing to fix herself, and that was the first step to all of this. Everything that was going on with her, whether it be absolutely frightening to speak of, or something simple. If she was willing to drink a potion to make her feel better, she'd be willing to talk to someone to also make her feel better and to fix whatever is going on. It hurt Hannah, pained her, to see Andy in such pain. Pain that she couldn't help unless Andy told her. It wasn't like Hannah to go behind her children's backs, so she wouldn't force someone to go into Andromeda's thoughts to find out what's wrong. But at this point, seeing her bleeding and in so much pain, it ran through Hannah's mind multiple times. It could always be a back up plan.

The sobs racked through her body, and Hannah kept her arms tightly wrapped around her, her breathing steady. Each sob, each tear, broke her heart a bit more each time she heard it. Hannah ended up shutting her eyes as Andy cried, silent tears falling down her own face. At this point, Hannah wasn't sure if the tears were over Philip, or over why she came in so damaged this way. But she was determined to find out, and if Andy wouldn't tell her, she'd find out some way to get information. Especially after speaking with Neville about this, they'd both be extremely concerned. "Oh, darling...I know you love him. He loves you too, so, so, so much. It's a beautiful rose, Andy, absolutely beautiful."

And then the tears stopped. The sobs stopped. The hospital wing was quiet except for the sound of their breathing. Hannah lifted her hand to wipe away the tears on her face, smiling gently, her arms still holding the girl in her lap. "I love you, also, Andromeda." Hannah gently kissed her forehead.

[Deleted]

Hannah's words seemed to just glaze over her, like they were going in one ear and out the other. Not soaking in, not really being comprehended by their intended listener. Andy continued to stare straight ahead, past Hannah, as the blonde wiped away her tears and said that she loved her. Andy somehow felt that kiss on her forehead and heard those words, but she didn't move. Not yet. She wasn't sure that she remembered how. If she moved, she was afraid of where she'd go. She wanted to run to Phil, all the way to Brazil. She wanted to fall into Hannahs lap and lay there until she shriveled into nothing. She wanted to crawl to Nevilles office and beg him to forgive her for all the horrible things she'd done. She wanted all of those things and yet she wanted none of them. What she wanted now, more than anything, was to disappear.

She wasn't even aware if she was blinking or not. She wasn't really aware of anything. She was being sucked back into the void, the void where she couldn't feel anything. It was better than being in the real world. Better than being here feeling all this pain. Better than loneliness. Better than hate. Better than fear.

Better than love.

@jill11

this is the song that came on while I wrote this D:

[Deleted]

@lestrange , @superluigi64
OOC: Up to you guys who goes next, but I feel like Neville needed to show
<3

Hannah was worried. Andromeda was not speaking. She was not moving, and she was not responding to anything. The tears had faded, and her breath had become quiet. She was still able to hear Hannah, but she decided to become mute for the time being. Hannah was in a rut. Andromeda did not seem like she was going to tell he what happened. Hannah knew this was more than just Philip, of course it was, because why would she have come to the hospital wing so late at night with so much glass stuck in her body and blood everywhere? The more she thought about it, the more her heart sank. The more she was confused and scared for Andromeda.

Hannah's eyes welled up with tears once more. She stood up, reaching underneath Andy's arm to pull her up to stand. As the tears fell out of Hannah's eyes, her voice otherwise stayed calm. "Come on, Andy." She didn't say why, she didn't say where. Although her tone was calm, it was stern and Hannah was not going to let Andromeda just sit there all night sulking. She had to talk, and she had to talk now. Hannah pulled out her wand and spoke, "Lumos." She held her grip tightly, walking through the dark corridors of Hogwarts. Finally, they ended up at her husband's office. Hannah quietly spoke the password and walked up the staircase, making sure Andy followed without restraint. She couldn't wipe away the tears on her face, so she spoke instead. "Neville? Neville I need you."

[Deleted]

Neville carefully moved the clippers down the limb of the small bush on his desk. He pressed the blades, but the plant didn’t move, so he moved down farther. Press. This time, the bush shuddered a bit. Smiling, Neville closed the distance back and forth along the branch until he found the very edge of the dead wood. He clipped, and the bush twitched in pain, but then seemed to sigh in relief. The Headmaster smiled, summoning enough mulch to carpet the dirt in the small pot, then poured some water on it. It wasn’t his greenhouse, but he’d always been fascinated by the bonsai trees he’d seen when he was in the east, so now that he couldn’t work full-time, he’d tried his hand at miniaturizing a Flutterby Bush. If it worked out, he might be able to make some serious money selling them too, and maybe branch into miniaturizing other plants. A tiny Whomping Willow might prove to be a good deterrent for garden gnomes, while being less threatening to a human adult. And he could—

“Neville? Neville I need you.”

Oh no. He knew that tone of voice. Hannah almost never lost hope for helping others, but he’d heard this tone a couple times before, when someone was breaking and she couldn’t fix them herself. Neville set the plant aside and whipped his wand around, opening the door even as he swept forward to see what was going on. “Hannah, what—?” But an instant later, he could quite clearly see what. Andy. She looked like a doll, blank glass eyes and no expression. Merlin. He pulled them both in, closed and locked the door behind them so as not to be disturbed, and moved around in front of Andy.

Without saying a word, Neville got down on both his knees to sit in front of her, so that he had to look up at her and she had to look down at him. He reached up to the girl’s chin and gently tilted her face so she would be looking him dead in the eye.

Then he waited.

He knew Andromeda was no coward. She wouldn’t run from her emotions. And he was prepared to wait right there until she remembered that.

@lestrange
@jill11

[Deleted]

Andy was being lifted up and she didn't resist. She let Hannah lead her, her mind barely registering where they were going. Then they arrived, and Hannah said his name: Neville. Something tugged at Andy's insides, somewhere in her stomach, her brain and in her heart. But it wasn't strong enough to pull her back yet.

She was swept into the office and suddenly he was in front of her, kneeling down, and moving her face to look at him. She made eye contact with him, if you could even call it contact and slowly, very slowly, her eyes started to focus. The silence must have been agonizing for Hannah, who wasn't locked in. Blink, Andy told herself. Nothing happened. Blink! she thought again, still nothing. "Blink!" she said out loud, wincing back at the sound of her hoarse voice and finally blinking.

She gasped for air as if she hadn't been breathing that whole time. Had she? Then her hand flew in front of her and clasped Neville on the shoulder. She didn't want to cry again, she didn't, so she just clutched his shoulder tightly, so tight that her hand was turning white. She shook her head, blinking rapidly now. That was Andy's way. She always went far in any given direction, rather than stay calm in the grey area.

She kept her mouth shut, afraid to open it as all the images came flooding back to her. Why had they taken her out of her stupor!? She didn't have to feel anything there, she didn't have to think or remember. She felt herself getting angry, which wasn't an emotion she expected, and tried to push it back. Instead, though, she just bowed her head down, completely facing the floor, and screamed. All of this happened in under two mintues, leading up to the scream.

@superluigi64

@jill11

[Deleted]

@lestrange , @superluigi64
<3

As soon as Neville saw Hannah with Andromeda, he knew something was wrong. Her eyes watched as he quickly locked the door and knelt down in front of Andy, his fingers moving her chin up to look at him. Hannah stood behind him, her hands clasped in front of her. Never did she think she'd be as worried as she was now for one of her children. This was not how Andromeda should be acting, and she shouldn't be-

Hannah yelped, her hands immediately going up to her mouth. That noise...that scream. It sent shivers down her spine. It made her heart explode. It made her blood run cold, and yet it burned with anger all at the same time. God help her, if she ever found out who did this to her daughter...Hannah was glad her hands were over her lips, as a small sob escaped her body. Seeing Andromeda in this type of pain, Hannah just wanted to take it all away. She wanted to see Andy smile, she wanted to erase that scream from her memories.

She fell to her knees next to Neville, her hands going up to grab Andromeda's face. The tears falling from her cheeks hit Andy's knees, and Hannah's own head shook in despair. "Andy, please...please tell us what's going on."

[Deleted]

She was word-lost, trying to make her pain not matter by not feeling it. He could tell that she was trying to retreat into her own mind and stop thinking, so everything would go away. But he could also tell that she was slowly coming back. Her eyes were very slowly focusing. Andromeda was trying to shut herself down. But she couldn’t do it with him there.

Good.

Neville knew of four ways to hurt a person: body, mind, heart, and spirit. Andromeda looked to be wounded on a spiritual level, fighting against her own nature. Trying to deny…something, he knew not what.

“Blink!”

Finally, she came back to reality, blinking her eyes in response to her own command. Her gasps for air, like a drowning woman, confirmed what he’d thought. And now the pain would come rushing back, as it had for him when he was fifteen, and all the emotions he’d tried to suppress over his parents had been undone by a single demonstration of the Cruciatus Curse…

Even prepared for it, Neville’s heart twisted at the scream, at the way she clutched his shoulder like a lifeline.

Hannah was there now, a mother’s instinct overriding everything (and how lucky was he, to have one of the few people in the world who could not only understand why he helped Andy and Nat, but could go in side-by-side with him all the way through?). “Andy, please…please tell us what’s going on.”

He feared she wouldn’t. She was back in the real world, but keeping something this big completely hidden? He would be amazed if she was willing to tell them. He wanted her to, so desperately…and yet, he knew he couldn’t force her to. Instead, he raised his hand, taking a gentle hold of the hand that still gripped his shoulder. He could at least let her know that they were here when she was ready to tell them. Even if it wasn’t tonight.

“I know it’s hard. But pain is how you know something’s wrong. You can’t ignore it. You have to face it, and find out what’s causing it. Otherwise it will always be there, even if you pretend it’s not.”

@lestrange
@jill11

[Deleted]

Hannah was suddenly there and that just made all of her attempts to retreat back into herself completely impossible. She touched her face and asked her to tell them what was going on, but Andy knew that wasn't going to happen. She could tell that Neville knew that, too, when she looked up at him. She didn't look at Hannah. Couldn't bear too. She was afraid that woman's eyes would break her, and she was already broken enough for a lifetime.

Nevilles hand found her shoulder and she slowly kneeled down to their level, letting her knees go to the floor one at a time instead of crashing down like she thought they would. She was oddly steady, for a short moment, as he spoke to her about how it was hard. How she couldn't ignore her pain. She had to face it. God, like a real Gryffindor Lion. Why she was put in that house she'd never know. He was right, of course, and she knew that.

She took in a shaky breath and nodded, then finally dropped her gaze to the floor again. "I know," she choked out, blinking rapidly, "I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let it go," she explained, not really sure if that even made sense. "I'm glad he's not here," she muttered.

@superluigi64
@jill10

[Deleted]

@superluigi64 , @lestrange
<3

As Neville spoke to Andromeda, Hannah kept her eyes on Andy's face. She wouldn't look at her, for whatever reason she was not sure. What she was sure of, was that she didn't know what to do. Not anymore. She didn't know how to fix this, how to figure all of this out and how to make sure Andy was okay and happy and safe. Hannah's breathing caught in her throat; this feeling was something she hoped to never experience, hoped to never have to go through. Failure. Failing as a mother, failing as a role model and not being able to help her children. This helplessness was drowning her and she didn't know how to cope.

Andy's voice made her eyes shoot to Neville, then back to her. Couldn't let what go? The pain? The anger? Was she glad Philip wasn't there? Her brother, her father? Hannah tilted her head to the side, more silent tears falling down her face. "Who sweetheart?"

[Deleted]

Something was desperately wrong.

That in itself wasn’t enough to phase Neville. Worry him, certainly. But he’d been through more than enough in his life to panic quite so easily. Or ever, at this point, if he were being honest. He felt like being told the world was ending wouldn't cause panic. But it did bother him that she wasn’t going to let them help. Still, she would at least know they were here, waiting for her when she did need them. But then she muttered about being glad ‘he’ wasn’t here. Neville paused for a moment, thinking. Was there someone who was hurting her? Her brother perhaps? Or—

As Hannah asked who it was, Neville realized what she meant.

Heh. His daughter, in all but blood.

“I see. Because you don’t want to share this burden, yet. But you would, if Phil was here asking you right now, wouldn’t you?”

He smiled, a bit ruefully. He would never be convinced that Phil shouldn’t have gone on the trip, but here and now, he wished him home. Because if she would at least talk to him…

No. There’d never been any sense thinking about what ifs.

“Everyone has things they are afraid to do, or simply can’t bring themselves to do. Courage is doing those things anyway. But courage isn’t born, it’s learned. It’s okay if you’re not ready yet. We’ll be here when you are.”

He glanced at Hannah, sincerely doubting his wife was ready to let this go. But he didn’t think Andy would be able to take much more, either. He turned and flicked his wand at one of the squishy purple armchairs, stretching it out until it would fit three people comfortably. Then he stood up and led both women over to the makeshift couch, seating Andy between the two of them. “For now…even if you can’t tell us, we can help you let it out.”

@lestrange
@jill11