Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2016 14:44:56 GMT -7
It was cold.
Normally Dan didn't mind cold, but right now it was seeping into his blood and bones and making him feel like he was completely frozen. He didn't go back inside, though. It was early evening, before dinnertime, the last day of November. Dan had taken a walk to get away from the feelings of the castle and the ship. The winter had a way of sucking the happiness out of people, due to the lack of vitamin D that the sun provided. He knew it wasn't all their fault, but that didn't mean that he didn't get the winter blues ten times worse when he had to be around it for execessive amounts of time.
He also felt like he hadn't made enough time for himself since getting involved with Irina. He hadn't coped with his ability the same way that he used to. Sure, he had her now, so he didn't need to get away as much. But he still needed it more than he was allowing himself. That's why it was hard for him to get involved with people, he recalled. He forget himself too much and would crack if he wasn't careful. And he hadn't been careful since that first snow fall.
His mind wandered back to that day. How warm she was, how her skin felt against his, how her lips tasted like hot chocolate. She was a miracle, and that day was just one manifistaion of that. A beautiful one. She made it hard to think about anything else. He tried, but she'd come right back into his head. He didn't know if that was healthy or not but he didn't really care, he loved it either way. Loved her either way. Still, he wondered if he was letting himself go too much.
He'd thought about a future with her, of course, and he had no doubts that it would happen. That this was the girl he'd be with for the rest of his life. It was a scary thought, especially for Dan. How could he stand to share his burdens with someone forever? They didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that.
He shrugged his shoulders up toward his ears, trying to keep the cold out. It was snowing heavily now, might even turn into a blizzard, but he kept walking. He was bundled up in his coat, scarf and hat, but that didn't do much good. It was almost like being back in Bulgaria, which was a good and bad thing. He found himself wandering toward the quidditch pitch and then walking up the stands, finding himself at the top. The stands were covered in snow, but he took a seat, staring out at the castle not far off. Irina was probably in there, maybe wondering where he was. Ripley was probably somewhere in there too, maybe sneaking around with her secret crush. Tania was there too, maybe sitting with friends or all alone, sad and helpless. He felt his heart hurt thinking about each one of them, and how he didn't know what to do for those girls.
Then Nik crossed his mind and he felt a rock in his throat. His best friend, going through this baby thing with Magi but so far away from him. Dan felt his eyes sting and he closed them tightly for a moment. A part of him felt like he was just kidding himself thinking that he was really a part of this family. Especially a part of Irina. She deserved someone who could hold her when she had those bad dreams without freaking out. Someone who was always warm, smiling, and willing to be there for her no matter what. Was he really that person? Could he be? In this specific moment he doubted himself. He doubted that he could be what anyone needed. Not Tania, not Ripley, not Ced, not Louisa, not Magi and not Irina. Defintely not Irina.
He bowed his head down to his knees and took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. But instead of calm coming out with the exhale, it was tears.
Irina Rose Krum
(we'll end this one before the 1st <3)