Sometimes, she is all three [Lily]

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Adrian had crumpled his mother's most recent letter, his knuckles white from crushing the page between his hands so tightly. He didn't fully understand the emotions swirling around like a hurricane in his head. Or what... well what any of it meant. Why did it his chest hurt so much? Why did he feel like headed? Why was it difficult to breath? Oh, right. That sentence at the end. He forced his hands to open, pulling the corners of the paper apart so he could read his mother's hasty hand writing in German.

Lily can still visit during the holidays.

Lily. Just her name right now sent shooting, stabbing pain through his chest. Visit during breaks? But... He didn't... He couldn't....

Ignoring the cold, Adrian crumpled up the letter once more and threw it as hard as he could but it did nothing to relieve his building frustration. Leaning heavily against the stone bannister that lead up t the owlery he let out a heavy sigh and rested his forehead against the stone. He didn't care that it was cold. Nor did he care if anyone saw him. He was too lost in his own thoughts to be in reality.

lily luna potter

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Lily was looking for Adrian, as she often was. She finally spotted him, heading up toward the Owlery. She decided to give him a moment to do whatever it was he had to do. Instead, she circled around, walking with her cousin for a moment, chatting about nothing special, before deciding Adrian had long enough and turning back toward the Owlery. She skipped up the stairs two at a time before seeing him, hunched over on the bannister not too far ahead. "Ad?" she said softly, slowing her skip to take the stairs normally until she reached him, "hey, hey, what's wrong?" she asked gently, placing a hand on his hunched back.

What had happened? Did he hurt himself? Get a sad letter? "Oh my gosh, is your mom okay?" she asked hurriedly. Maybe he'd gotten a letter that brought news of his mother being hurt. She'd understand if he had to go to her, of course. Her head was already swirling with ideas as to what could be wrong. But she knew something was. She always knew.

@adrian

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Adrian didn't hear Lily approach, or her say his name. IT was unusual for him to be that zoned out. He always knew when Lily was nearby. He could practically sense her. Not today though. Today he was so swallowed up into his own emotions and thoughts that it wasn't until he felt her hand on his back that he was ripped away form his thoughts. Without any hesitation he let out a string of German curse words. Well, it seemed English was escaping him for the moment, which often happened when he got too flustered or angry.

He finally raised his head and ran his fingers through his short hair. Adrian refused to look at her. "Si-" He started, only to realize he still hadn't regained his ability to compose an English sentence. Immediately he let out a frustrated groan and shut his head, placing his forehead back on the stone. He didn't want to talk about it, whatever it was. But whatever it was... It must be a doozy to have Adrian so tongue tied that he couldn't even explain it to Lily.

lily luna potter

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He was cursing. Was that at her? She didn't move, though, and then he lifted his head and ran his fingers through his curly hair. She smiled a little in spite of herself. She loved that hair.

Her hand was still on his back and he spoke, and she was sure that it wasn't going to be English. She chewed on the corner of her lip, finally removing her hand when he let out that groan and lowered his head again. "Adrian... come on, babe. It's me," she leaned down, turning her head and laying her own cheek on the stone bannister, her face turned toward him, "look at me." If he wanted to talk in German, then she'd talk in German... as long as she could manage to understand.

@adrian

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Adrian was wishing desperately that this was all just a bad dream. That none of this was happening. Maybe he'd just wake up everything would be back to normal, no problem. But the longer he stood their hunched over, the more he realized that it wasn't. This nightmare was real. And somehow he had to tell Lily.

But how?!

Her voice suddenly came from close to his ear, and.... in German. She'd been picking it up over the years but he'd never thought she'd picked up enough to form her own sentence, just memorized phrased. His shock was enough to finally make his eyes open and he obediently looked at her with a momentarily stunned expression. A moment later and he straightened, inhaling a sharp breath as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.He found himself staring at his best friend, unable to tear his eyes away from her own. She knew something was up, and he swallowed as he tried to form a sentence in his mind. "Job offer." He managed to say. Not quite a sentence but it got the message across. "America." He added, his gaze intense and desperate for her to understand what he was trying to say.

His mother had gotten a job offer in America.

Adrian should be thrilled. He should be excited for her. She hadn't accepted it yet because she was still weighing her options in Germany. But if she did take it, that meant one thing....

lily luna potter

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His eyes opened and Lily felt herself breathe again, not realizing that she had been holding that breath. He did what she asked, looking at her, though his expression was a little hard to read. He looked shocked, maybe. Then he straightened out and so did she, leaning one arm against the railing and turning her body toward his, a way of showing he had her full, undivided attention. Their eyes never broke from one another's, though.

Then he spoke, but it wasn't full sentences. Job offer? Then he said that second word. "America".

HIs mum. He was talking about his mum.

The sound that caught in her throat was something that she'd never made before, something too sad for someone like Lily Potter. She lifted a hand to cover her mouth, slightly shaking her head.

She lowered her hand, after a moment, and parted her lips. Then she closed them again, then finally spoke, "you're... not going, are you? I mean, she's not taking it, is she?"


@adrian

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Adrian wasn't sure what he was expecting in reaction, but it wasn't that. Whatever... that was. He had no idea. Just... not that. He didn't move though, his body literally frozen and rooted to the spot. It was almost as if his mind and body were no longer communicating. His lips pursed together in a thin line at her questions.

He was silent for several excruciating moments as he tried to come up with up with the answer he didn't even know. She hadn't said she was taking it for sure, just that it must be a dang good job offer for her to be considering it. Seriously considering it. She was going to the States for a few days to check out the proposal to decide if she'd take it. That fact alone told him how serious she was. "I don't know." He managed to answer, not even realizing that he'd switched to German. But she'd know that phrase in German for sure. It had been one of the first he'd taught her.

lily luna potter

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Lily knew those three words. They were easy, and she learned them early. Still, it took her moment to process it. He didn't know. Didn't know if he was leaving, didn't know if she took the job, didn't know if she was going to.

Suddenly, all the things she didn't know about their relationship became clear. She didn't know what she would do without him, what she would be. She didn't know what they were or what they could be. She didn't know anything.

Lily had been through some bad things, of course she had. Losing her mother for a time was the worst, but even that didn't floor her. She'd always been good at being the positive one, at being supportive, at showing everyone else what happiness was. Even in the face of adversity, that's who she was. Full of life. Full of love. Full.

Now, she felt empty, and she didn't know why. Finally, she nodded once and took in a deep breath. "Okay. Can I... Can I see the letter? Bitte?"

@adrian

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Adrian didn't know why those three words hurt so much coming out. Why the.... uncertainty was so painful. Obviously if it was a good job, he wanted his mother to take it. She deserved to finally get her big break. She'd given up so much to raise him. But did that mean.... he would be going with her? Would he have to leave Hogwarts and transfer to an American school? The idea made him sick to his stomach. His friends were here. His home was here. His Lily was h-

His Lily?

The thought made his heart.... flutter, which only confused him even more. But it was true he'd have to leave her if his mother took the job. He was gritting his teeth, almost angry at the thought of having to leave her.

And then she was asking for the letter. Adrian finally diverted his gaze in shame, focusing instead on one of the trees of the forest rather then the red head. "I threw it." Finally, he managed to form a full sentence in English, though his accent was thicker then ever, as if straining to stay in English. Throwing it hadn't been his brightest idea today.

lily luna potter

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He turned his gaze from her and that felt like... Like someone pulling a knife out of her. All the things she was feeling are rushing out of the hole left. She made another sad sound, shaking her head as if that would help get rid of the horrible wrenching in her chest.

His accent was incredibly heavy, something that she normally would like. He.. threw it? Her jaw dropped slightly and she looked into the trees as well. Then she pulled out her wand, "Accio," she cast, thinking of the letter she wanted. It took several moments but Lily stood there, waiting, until a crumpled piece of paper found her hand. She looked down at it, but could only see one word.

Lily.

"May I?" she asked, looking up at him again.

@adrian

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Adrian almost flinched when he heard Lily make that horribly depressing sound, his stomach churning. What was that sound? It had to be the most awful thing he'd ever heard in his life and he immediately hated it. He knew he was the cause though. He'd made her made that terrible noise, and Adrian stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched forward a little.

She summoned the letter back, and Adrian still refused to look. Now because she had the source of these horrible emotions in her hands. He wasn't sure if she'd be able to read it to be honest, but she'd already surprised him once with how much German she'd picked up over the years. Only when she spoke did his eyes return to her, focusing intensely on her own as if they were the only things holding him together. He nodded sharply, refusing to utter a single sound.

lily luna potter

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He turned back to her when she spoke and nodded. She didn't want to take her eyes from his, but she wanted to read the letter more. She stared into them just a moment longer before breaking away, looking down and unfolding the note...

She only got bits and pieces, basically what he'd already told her. America, a job, she was going to head there to check it out, it would start next term. She lifted the letter close to her face, trying to read the sentence with her name in it. She understood 'Lily' and 'Holidays' but she didn't know the rest. She sighed and lowered the letter, her hands dropping to her sides.

Then, she looked back up at him. "Nothings set in stone," she reminded him, but she didn't sound sure. "It's fine. We're fine," but she already knew she was lying, that she really had no idea if they were fine and that she didn't feel find at all.

She took a step toward him and crumpled up the letter in her hand once more, "wanna do the honors again?" she offered, holding it out to him and nodding toward the world below, offering for him to throw it away once more.

@adrian

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Adrian leaned heavily against the exterior wall of the castle as Lily worked her way through the letter. Normally he would have been impressed that she understood enough German to pick the letter apart and get the overall meaning behind it, but he just couldn't muster the emotion. His gaze dropped to ground as she read, raising only when she finished and spoke to him again. Wasn't set in stone? Fine? Oh Lily, hopelessly optimistic. This was his mother's big break. If she was telling him about the job she had to be pretty seriously considering it. He didn't say that though, just curtly nodded.

She was holding the crumpled letter out to him, asking if he wanted the honor of throwing it again. Almost without thinking he took the letter from her, and just stared down at it... Finally he sighed and shook his head as he stuffed it in his pocket. "Doesn't matter." he mustered as a response, his accent still so thick it made it hard to understand. "Need to go..." He forced himself to add as he pushed away from the wall and away from Lily. It... well it hurt leaving her, but it hurt just as much staying there. Staying into those eyes as if nothing was wrong. He just needed some time to clear his head before the pounding in his ears got any worse. He needed to get away from everything.

He needed to run.

lily luna potter
(You wanna end it with your next post?)

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They weren't fine.

He just nodded at her when she said they were fine, just a short nod. Still, when she held out the letter, he took it almost immediately, just staring at it for a moment. Then, he sighed, pocketed it, and spoke, but she barely understood it. She leaned forward slightly, as if that would help her understand better. "Need to go..." she understood that perfectly clear. That was just like him, to run away from her.

But, actually, she wanted to run away too this time.

She nodded, "I'll find you... later..." she muttered softly, turning on her heel and walking away, but her slow pace didn't last long.

@adrian
(le end)