it's a thin line between love and hate - magi/nik

[Deleted]

@magdalena
@jill9

he shouldn't care. the world would forgive him if he didn't care about the two people that made his and his siblings lives what could be close to living hell while they had been alive. the world would understand. what he couldn't understand is why he didn't feel that way. his father's death had been a shock enough, his mother had killed him. that wasn't all that surprising and if he was being honest with himself he had been expecting one of them to kill each other for most of his life. since he'd been old enough to see the hate that was between them. but the news of his mothers death? it was too much. he hated them. he hated what they had done and now they were dead, his hate was wasted. while they had been alive it had been easy. he could blame them. he did blame them. they had raised him in a way that had almost ruined his life and he had clawed his way out of it by using the hate that he had for the two of them and they were both gone now. he hated them for doing it to river. river, who had been trying, for some god forsaken reason, to have some sort of relationship with their father but that chance had now been stolen from him. his mother, in one of her last acts of cruelty had stripped her son of any chance of a father. it made him even angrier. he dragged his hands through his hair as he walked toward the once place he knew he wouldn't be judged for how he was feeling now. magi would never judge him. she was his best friend and she had been for years now. he trusted her enough to let her see. it was past midnight, he knew that much. he'd been pacing the floor of his room at the cauldron before he had needed to get out. he hadn't put on any other clothes than the jeans, shirt and sneakers he had been wearing. the cold chill in the air, he didn't feel it as he walked through the night. he made his way up to the door and without thinking, not able to think that it was probably the last thing they wanted, to have him knocking on the door in the middle of the night. the next thing he knew his fist was pounding against the wooden door, a quick rhythm as he knocked his fist against the wood.

[Deleted]

@magdalena , @leigh
<3

It was late. And Nikolai had been sleeping peacefully...until Magdalena gave him a shove and woke him up. Groaning, he rolled over to look at her, her eyes wide awake, and he scrunched up his nose. "What?" She said someone was at the door and he became a bit angry. At this hour? It better be something important. He didn't want to deal with this, he just wanted to sleep, as he was sure Magi did as well. Nikolai sighed and rolled out of bed, grabbing his thick, plush dark maroon robe off the back of the door and put it on. He slipped on his moccassins and stood in the mirror, brushing his fingers through his hair to make it look slightly decent before heading down the stairs.

The banging on the door made him even angrier and he yelled, "Alright alright! Chill out would you!" The dog was whining behind the gate and he waved his hand at her, shushing her as he swung open the door. Who was standing there but Raleigh Flint, his girlfriend's best friend and their old school mate, looking freezing in just a tshirt. Nikolai's eyes narrowed, but he opened the door more. "Come in, come in. And stop banging." He shook his head, rubbing his eyes. Something must be wrong if he was here this late. Nikolai shut the door behind him and immediately twirled his finger, the tea pot going on. Niko moved to the bottom of the stairs. "Magdalena! Put some clothes on. Someone is here to see you." Yawning, he put his hands in his robe pockets and moved back into the kitchen, tilting his head at him. "Do you want a sweater?"

[Deleted]

@leigh
@jill9

Of course Magdalena was awake. It took forever for her to fall asleep. Her pregnancy hadn't been kind to her sleep cycle, and made Magi even more of a night owl than before. But, she still tried. Most night she just lay there just to Nikolai for hours. counting the echoes of a clock from down stairs, ticking the seconds away. Eventually she'd fall asleep. Nikolai though, curse him, fell asleep far to quickly. It was annoying. She'd still been awake, staring up at the ceiling, not even a hint of exhaustion in those brown eyes, when she heard loud knocking from down stairs. She didn't move, just listened another moment, to see if it'd happen again. It did. Definitely someone at the door. Magdalena rolled over and shoved the slumbering body next to her. Just because she was awake didn't mean she was going to get up to answer the door! It was cold outside the bed! Obviously Nikolai hadn't approved of his rude awakening. "Go get the door." Was her answer, just as void of sleep as her eyes. He didn't fighther on it. Just made an angry noise and left. Magdalena smirked, and shifted over to his side of the bed, it was warmer then hers.

Still wide awake though, and straining to listen as Nikolai went down the stairs, sounding just as angry as he'd looked. The door was opened and... Wait, Nikolai had stopped yelling. Interesting. He was inviting in the person. Who could it be? Then, he was yelling up the stairs to her. Magdalena made a face. For her? But it was cold! Well... It might not be that cold if she actually slept in pajamas, as Nikolai had so kindly just broadcasted to their visitor. Obviously it must be someone she knew well, otherwise Nikolai wouldn't have announced that piece of information. With a grumble she slipped out from under the covers of the warm bed, shivered, and scooped up Nikolai's shirt from the top of the laundry basket. Hey, he hadn't said who's clothes to put on. The shirt was long enough to reach mid thigh. Not quite long enough for visitors, drat. So, fishing out a pair of her own sweat pants, she struggled into them, before heading downstairs. When she saw who it was though, she rolled her eyes at Nikolai. "What are you talking about, he's probably the second most familiar person with my body then you. I put this on for n-" Magdalena stopped talking, not even finishing her sentence or even word. Why? Because that was when she saw the look on her best friend's face.

She'd never seen that look.

"Raleigh..?" Her voice had gone quiet, losing all of her usual sass and instead replaced with extreme concern. Even though she only said his name, it spoke volumes. What was wrong?

[Deleted]

@magdalena
@jill9

leigh dropped his arm from the door as soon as it opened and the surface came away from his fist. of course it was nik. he didn't know why he'd be expecting magi's face when the door opened. he'd heard nik talking through the door and still, he had thought magi would open it. "Come in, come in. And stop banging." he stepped into the room and just nodded his head slightly. he didn't need to keep banging. he was inside now, the object of the banging was finished. that didn't mean the urge to keep pounding on something wasn't there. "Magdalena! Put some clothes on. Someone is here to see you." had he not been in the mood he was in he would have laughed. he had seen magi without clothes on before. it had become a past time of theirs on their birthday to skinny dip in the black lake, which had been against the rules at the school but it hadn't stopped them from doing it. so he doubted very much her body had changed since the last time he'd seen it. well apart from the obvious. "Do you want a sweater?" he shook his head slightly. he couldn't feel how cold he was even though he was aware that his body was shivering. he could feel the shaking, knew it was there but there was no other feeling behind it, he couldn't feel how cold his skin was and he couldn't feel the difference in temperature between inside and out. "i'm not cold." he said, his usual sharp tone gone, replaced by a voice he'd never heard come out of his own mouth before.

"What are you talking about, he's probably the second most familiar person with my body then you. I put this on for n-" his eyes moved to the stairs as magi came down them and he felt his body slump slightly. "Raleigh..?" he heard it in her voice. she was worried about him. he dragged his hand over his face and rubbed his hand around over the back of his neck, pushing it up through his short hair as he thought about how to tell her. there was every chance she's smile. she knew what his parents had put him through, he hadn't been in the habit of lying to her all these years and she was the only one who knew. apart from his siblings. he didn't know how many people they'd told but she was the only one he had. he swallowed and took a sharp breath, almost having it hitch in his chest as he tried to talk. "she killed him. then s-she had the audacity to go and die herself .." he said as he looked at magi and then to nik. "she always did like to have the last word." he said, harshly but softly at the same time as he crossed the space between them and he wrapped his arms around magi. he hugged her tightly as he pressed his face down into her shoulder and he closed his eyes tightly and he felt his teeth clench together as he tried to gather his thoughts, tried to make sense of why he cared.

[Deleted]

@magdalena , @leigh
<3

Raleigh didn't really respond to him, except to say he wasn't cold. Nikolai observed him more after he had called up to Magdalena. He looked...not okay. Not like the Raleigh he had been used to seeing at Hogwarts. And while it had been over a year, Nikolai still knew Raleigh to not look so...sad. "Do you need anything?" His eyes narrowed as he heard Magdalena as she came down the stairs. He turned immediately, the end of his robe turning with him as he glared at her, his voice sharp. "Don't remind me." Thinking of Raleigh and Magdalena naked together, swimming, as one of the worst things he could picture and it wasn't something he wanted to speak about.

His anger disappeared when he saw her face, and then looked back to his. Something more than he thought was definitely wrong, and he felt very out of place. Nikolai hadn't been incredibly friendly with Raleigh, only knew each other from classes, but he had been very close with Magdalena. Raleigh began to speak, and Niko's face became more soft as he watched the other boy speak and get up, and go to hug Magdalena. Glancing down at his hands, he looked at Raleigh's back, and Magdalena's face, and he tilted his head towards the kitchen, gesturing that he'd go fix the tea. They needed a moment alone; Nikolai would enter in a few more minutes.

[Deleted]

@leigh
@jill9

Magdalena rolled her eyes as Nikolai spoke, and then stuck her tongue out at him. She hadn't actually said what she and Raleigh had done in reminder, just that Raleigh had seen her naked. But, Magdalena had, in fact told Nikolai previously, and he obviously hadn't been pleased. It wasn't even that bad! It was just a fun, silly tradition they'd had through school. Magdalena was only a week older then Raleigh. So rather then celebrate twice each year they'd celebrated all at once. And each year in the dead of January they'd skinny dipped in the Black Lake. It'd been a dare the first time to see if either of them would do it, but it'd become tradition after that. Part of the reason it worked was because despite being extremely close there had never been any sort of romantic interest in each other. Magdalena actually didn't know why something hadn't developed out of their friendship, it just hadn't. But now? Now she was grateful. Because she couldn't imagine life without her best friend being.... well just her best friend!

Raleigh took a moment to respond, which made Magdalena's stomach sink even more. What had happened? Raleigh was so, so strong. As if nothing could hurt him. And given his history? Magdalena knew he was callous. That few things did, actually, hurt him. He'd had an extremely troubled life, but rather than being destroyed he'd come out to tough to chew. So what.... what had happened to make him so... so vulnerable?

And then he spoke.

And Magdalena's stomach couldn't sink any lower, a rush of cold chilling her to the bone. He didn't need to say who he meant. Magdalena knew. His mother. And his father. Her eyes had widened to the size of saucers without her notice. Magi didn't get a chance to respond, though she didn't even know what she'd say, before Raleigh had crossed to her and pulled her into a very tight hug. She held back a small gasp, before immediately raising her arms to return the hug. Just as tight. Just as desperate. His parents were dead. Not just dead. His father had been killed by his mother, and then died herself. She might not know how that all felt, but she knew one part. How it felt to have a parent kill their spouse. Magdalena had been in his shoes months ago. She'd been the one coming to him, crying and desperate for comfort. He'd been there for her, and she'd be there for him. Holding her dear friend tightly, Magdalena felt a sting in her eyes, tears threatening to fall for her friend, as she caught movement from Nikolai, motioning to the kitchen. She knew what he meant, and slightly nodded, to let him know she understood.

[Deleted]

@magdalena
@jill9

he wished he didn't care. he hadn't when it had been just his father. well he's told himself he didn't care, acted like it but there had been a niggling feeling in the back of his mind. regardless of how his parents had treated him they had been a part of his life. an awful part but they had been a part of it and now there was a hole. he didn't know how to feel about that hole. part of him had wanted to reach out to his father at some point and now he'd never get that chance. his mother had made sure of it. her? there had been no hope of anything good coming from that woman but with his father? there had been a slight change. raleigh had seen it the night he'd seen his father the night after he'd been rescued. his father had shown a great weakness and shown leigh that he was slightly more soft than he'd ever let on. of course he had done just as horrible things to his children as his mother had, perhaps he'd been worse because he had done nothing about the abuse pansy parksinson had inflicted on his children, it had happened under his nose and he had let it slide. raleigh didn't know why but he had felt there might have been some merit for something to happen but pansy had taken that opportunity into her own hands and destroyed it. he hugged magi as tight as he dared too, as emotional and confused as he was he hadn't forgotten the fact she was pregnant. while it had slipped his mind when he had been bashing on the door at two in the morning, it was there now. careful.

he felt her nod and assumed that she was communicating with nikolai and he knew he was right when he heard the sound of soft footsteps moving away from them. he took a breath and loosened his hold slightly on his best friend and he lifted his head to look down at her. "it's not fair that it .. " he started and he moved to let her go and he rubbed his hands over his face. "i shouldn't care." he muttered almost to himself as he rested his hands over his face and took another breath. "i'm angry. furious at them." he said, dropping his hands and looking at magi. he knew she would understand. he had spent more than a few hours with her when her father had been accused of killing her mother and he knew she'd listen to whatever he had to say right now, regardless of how little sense it made. "it's going to hurt river .. that's .. that's the worst. he was trying .. and she took that chance." he said, rubbing his fingers into his eyes. "i hate them for it magi .."

[Deleted]

@magdalena , @leigh
<3

Nikolai had gone back into the kitchen silently, knowing that this wasn't a conversation he should really be in on. Raleigh and him were not that close, but he'd like that to change as he was Magdalena's closest friend, just like with him and Daniel. It was important to him that she was close with Dan, and he knew it would be the same way with him and Raleigh. But right now Raleigh needed his best friend, and that was not Nikolai. He stood in front of the stove, waiting for the water to boil. He had out three teacups, a spoon, the sugar and milk all on a serving tray. He poured the water slowly, hearing the gentle voices in the room over.

It became silent for a moment, and while Nikolai didn't know Raleigh all that well, he had his own sweet tooth and new chocolate made everything better. Eyebrows risen, he reached into his stash and threw a few chocolate frogs on the serving tray along with a few cauldron cakes. Grinning to himself, he was proud of what he did. Not that it would matter to the two in the living room, but he was trying. Slowly, Nikolai peeked around the corner and then entered, setting the tray down on the table. "Here's some tea...and chocolate. Do you...need anything else, Raleigh?"

[Deleted]

@leigh
@jill9

No doubt Raleigh was confused. His parents were dead. It should be a good thing. But they were still his parents. And until he figured out how he wanted to feel, she'd wait. As long as necessary. The tight hug didn't last long as Magi thought it would, but she didn't complain, just loosed her grip when he pulled away, but keeping close to her friend, as if ready to pull him back in if needed, and listened. Listed as he said he shouldn't care.That it wasn't fair. Angry, furious. All emotions he should be feeling. And then finally, his brother. River and how his chance had been taken away. But last? The comment she expected. That he hated them. Magdalena reached out, and placed a had on his arm, right above the elbow. Her expression soft and concerned. "I know." Was all she said. All she needed to say. Because she couldn't make it better. Nothing she said would fix what Raleigh was feeling. Just like when her mother had died nothing Raleigh said could make it better. But his being there? That had helped. Listening to her.

Nikolai reappeared,a tray in hand and moving to set it on the coffee table n the living room. Magdalena gave him a warm, and thankful smile. She could only imagine what he might be thinking. He didn't know Raleigh like she did. He'd been woken at this hour just like her (though she hadn't been asleep). He'd been thrown into this, not really understanding everything that was happening. Taking Raleigh's hand she moved towards the couches. "Come on, Leigh." She urged softly.

[Deleted]

@magdalena
@jill9

"I know." she did know. she had gone through the same thing. almost. he rubbed the back of his neck again. it seemed to be a habit of his in the last few days. he hadn't ever thought of himself as the fidgety type. he had always shut it off. pain, suffering, he'd been able to get through it by not caring. by telling the world it didn't matter because he was raleigh flint. strong enough to handle what life threw at him and to cope with anything that happened. he'd been wrong. he didn't feel strong enough to handle this. it had thrown him for a six and he had no idea how to handle it. what did you do when your very reason for being the way you were was no longer around. his hate for his parents had built him. had made him who he was an without that hate there and strong inside of him. who was he?

"Here's some tea...and chocolate. Do you...need anything else, Raleigh?" he was roused from his thoughts by nik coming back into the room and he lifted his head and his eyes settled on the tray he was carrying. tea and what looked like sweets on the tray. as if a switch went off inside his brain for some reason his body at that moment decided to let him know just how cold it had gotten while he had been walking here. he shivered once and rubbed his hand down his arm lightly as he took in a breath. "is it too late to take up that offer of a sweater?" he asked as he felt magi take his hand. "Come on, Leigh." he followed her, without question or without hesitation and he made to sit down on the couch they had walked toward. he rested his head down in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed his fingers into his eyes. "i'm sorry magi." he said as he looked at her, squeezing her hand lightly as he lifted his head to look at her. "this is the last thing you needed."

[Deleted]

@magdalena , @leigh
<3

Nikolai returned the smile to Magdalena and nodded, knowing she was thankful for what he had done. She didn't have to speak, her face spoke enough words for him to realize what she meant. Though Nikolai wasn't sure if he was supposed to stay in the room or go back to bed, but if he did go back to bed, he wouldn't have even attempted to sleep. He'd lie awake, eyes wide open until Magdalena came back upstairs. While it was late, he didn't expect bed time to come any time soon, nor did he expect Raleigh to leave. He didn't mind, in fact he welcomed it. Nikolai smiled at Raleigh and nodded. "Of course not. I'll be right back." Nikolai turned and skipped a few steps, going back into his bedroom. He looked in the closet and grabbed one of his own sweaters, knowing it would fit Raleigh. They were about the same size and even if it was too big it would warm him up. Before going back downstairs, Nikolai turned his head to the bottom of his closet. He grabbed a large blanket and two pillows and brought them downstairs.

As he finally ended up back down in the living room, he set the blanket and pillows on a nearby chair and looked at Raleigh. "For you, after you guys talk, you...don't have to leave. You're more than welcome to spend the night." He smiled genuinely and handed over the sweater. Before he went to drink his own tea, Nikolai moved over to the fire place and opened it up, grabbing a few pieces of wood and throwing them in. He knelt down, back to the two behind him and began getting the fire ready.

[Deleted]

@leigh
@jill9

Raleigh finally seemed to let reality catch up with him. That was progress. At least he was no longer consumed by his thoughts and emotions. She could feel the cold seeping from his skin under her hand, felt it when he'd held her tightly, as if sucking all the heat from her. Thankfully she hadn't shivered. Soon they were seated on the couch, Leigh having finally accepted Nikolai's offer for a sweater and her boyfriend disappearing upstairs. Nikolai was still gone when Raleigh spoke, squeezing her hand and telling her he was sorry. That this was the last thing she needed. "Don't you dare think or say that." She immediately argued, her voice demanding enough to let him know she meant it. "You didn't ask for any of this, but no matter what I'm here for you. I'm here for you." She firmly stated, making sure to repeat that phrase, that she was there for him.

Nikolai had reappeared. Not just with the sweater but also a blanket and pair of pillows. Magi knew immediately what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth. Merlin, she loved this man. This annoying, hot headed, and thoughtful man. Magi let go of Raleigh's hand, after a firm squeeze and crossed to where Nikolai had left his bundle. Immediately she went for the blanket, pulling it out from under the pillows and moving back to drape it around her friend's shoulders. Then, taking up one of the cups of tea she held it out for him. "Drink." She ordered. Apparently she was quite bossy when her friends were hurting. Glancing over at her boyfriend she smiled as she spotted him starting a fire in the fireplace. They'd definitely need it.

[Deleted]

@magdalena
@jill9

"Don't you dare think or say that. You didn't ask for any of this, but no matter what I'm here for you. I'm here for you." he should have known. he did know. he just felt like he shouldn't have to need her to be there for him. he nodded slightly and looked down at his hands as nik made his way back into the room. he had blankets and pillows as well as the sweater and leigh was oddly touched he'd thought about more than the jumper. he rubbed the back of his neck as he let go or magi's hand as she stood up. he lifted his hand, summoning the jumper to his hand and he watched it as it floated over the tray that nik had placed down and he gripped it when it touched his fingers and he pulled it over his head as magi came back with the blanket. "thanks nikolai." he said as he looked over to magi as she spread the blanket over his shoulders. he reached up to tug it closer to his neck and he relaxed back into the blanket, feeling the warmth from it.

"Drink." he lifted his gaze to the cup she handed him and he took it without thinking. he sipped the drink, because she told him too, not because he really wanted it. he had learned years ago that you picked your battles with her and this was one he didn't want to pick. "thanks vander." he said softly as he took another sip of the drink and curled his hands around the cup, looking back to the fire that nik had kneeled down to start. "fire used to be one of her favorite things .. she wasn't very original" he mumbled softly into the cup as he lifted the drink to his lips again. magi would know what he was talking about. she had seen the scars, the ones that hadn't healed as well as others. he had a burn scar on the back of his shoulder. his mother had hit him with a fire poker in a fit of rage one winter and it had been one he had never been able to hide ..

[Deleted]

@magdalena , @leigh
<3

"Of course." He responded to Raleigh. Nikolai was glad he could help...even though he was exhausted. But his sleep wasn't as important as whatever was going on here. And he knew it was something bad, because from what he heard from Raleigh, and from how Magdalena had reacted, Nikolai knew he should just be there as help and whatever they may need from him. Magdalena's forceful voice made him smile, and he looked behind him at the two of them sitting together on the couch. "Those orders, Magdalena. Be nice."

As he continued making the fire, he listened to the conversation behind him. But what made Nikolai really tune in, was Raleigh's comment about the fire. Nikolai himself dropped the fire poker, half of it in the fire, the other half resting on the hard wood floor. He flinched at the loud sound, and immediately had small flashbacks of that terrible time. Niko immediately reached up to touch the scar on his cheek, and he turned towards Raleigh, understanding in his eyes. "Do you want me to put it out...?"

[Deleted]

Magdalena immediately looked at Nikolai when he told her to be nice and stuck her tongue out at him. This was nice! Sort of. Okay, not really. But her friend was freezing and going through a horrible experience. She couldn't help but feel this intense need to try to help him somehow.

Oh, fire. She should have remembered. Raleigh's mother had done many terrible things to him and his siblings, and one of the things had involved fire. Nikolai seemed to realize what Raleigh's comment meant without her friend having to say anything more. But that wasn't really surprising. Nikolai had been through a traumatic experience too. In fact Raleigh and Nikolai were a lot alike in that way. Maybe that was where her patience with Nikolai had stemmed from, she'd learned it from Raleigh. Magi reached out an placed one hand on Raleigh's back, the other hand on his knee. "She can't hurt you anymore, Raleigh. Never again." She softly and quietly answered, trying to reassure her friend. He didn't have to live under their shadow anymore. Didn't have to worry about what they might do to him or his siblings.

@leigh
@jill9